04x01 - Still Losin' It

[bunniefuu]

[Music]

Brian Brian Brian what I've been calling

it for like 10 minutes where have you

been Italy remember I got on a plane

three months ago you haven't seen me

since oh yeah

[Applause]

[Music]

well I'm glad you're back son you have a

good time yeah yeah the summer abroad

program was a life-changing experience I

can see that is that is that a purse

it's uh it's called an attache case what

did I say to your boyfriend and I'm back

[Music]

look you brought me up the pool no honey

it's his and before he left for Europe I

warned you this might happen Oh back

from me Dahlia oh god I spent such a

wonderful summer there such fantastic

people Boyd cavallo call me Donna chea

American you you see Americans

that's what they were saying about me

you're back oh my god I missed you sell

rhythm this better be worth that hug I

gave you hey Tina so you're back what's

wrong with you well while you were gone

she moved on her dolls into your room it

was her fairy Kingdom ooh the man-purse

will fit right in Tina go move your

stuff this keeps getting better so tell

us all of the outage well what's to tell

you you guys heard all my letters right

yeah so this girl you met Monica what

she like oh she's a she's really cool

yeah super sweet we we hung out a lot

did you just hang out or did you pay a

visit for the International House of

make out come on dad oh sounds like this

Monica was good practice for senior year

the year of classes are skipped like

stones and spit is swap like so many

baseball cards Brian I envy you your

rendering the single greatest year of a

young man's life everything after this

year is just a long inevitable slide in

the middle age where each day is just a

little less good than the last and I I

love you so much

right dad I don't think I'm going to be

swapping spit with any girls at school

Monica and I are pretty serious serious

you can't be serious no I'm serious

we're serious I think what your father

is trying to say is that we really want

you to enjoy your senior year of high

school this is the year girls your age

stare down the barrel of the real world

and they get scared that fear makes them

do stuff Lauren you're a junior right

yeah you're quitting school after this

year possum it's coffee is that brian

has feelings for Monica and we need to

respect that Judy this girl lives

halfway around the world long-distance

relationships can never work never but

my husband has been like working in reno

for like the last three months and our

relationship is doing just fine never

not true Harry and I even apart all

summer but I just keep myself so busy

with my own you know interesting

projects that i barely notice it's gone

hey Kara you come to come to room

diversity I'm all accountable perfect

again never

hey guys have got some great news Monica

has a couple of weeks off school for the

feast of san gennaro so I thought I

could fly around hold on hold on before

we go any further we're gonna need to

hear a lot more about this feast you've

been making arrangements with this girl

to come visit yeah we really miss each

other and since I figured it only costs

about 500 bucks to fly around 500 bucks

Brian we're broke which means we only

have money for bills and whatever your

mother and I want well i guess i can use

the money I've been saving to go to

homecoming dance since I don't plan on

going now whoa whoa what do you mean you

don't go in why would I I have a

girlfriend now but this is your senior

year this is the year we get some I'm

not interested in going to the dance

with some girl I'm really into Monica

forget it I don't trust anyone who wants

to leave a place where they're having a

feast mom I agree with your father on

this one you only get one senior year

what why did I expected you to

understand you're so provincial hey hey

just because you speak Italian don't

think we don't know that to swear words

well I'll talk to him but I think it's

best if I give him a few minutes to cool

off just reflect on what he said Tina

had that last piece of pot then I'll go

now listen I carried right behind me

just let you know he may be acting a

little odd the man's a singer and a

Foghat cover band odd whatever likes it

to go Judy we just came back from the

doctor and he has a slight concussion

Judy hello so good to see you we are you

okay of course that I'm fine yeah so

where'd you get to Reno you know what I

think you need to go in and get yourself

a glass of water and keep on your health

well I'm in there I'll answer that phone

i won't stop ringing what happened we

last night while I was vigorously

welcoming him back home I accidentally

bang his head against the headboard

immediately finally tell you to stop

well he was sort of unconscious and I

was sort of not done yet they know more

anyway I could say no

doctor said until his concussion clears

up it would be dangerous for him to

board a plane for you listen son you got

to understand where your mother and I

are coming from on this Monica thing dad

you haven't even met her she's really

really great well I'm sure she is but

you know what else is great a corned

beef sandwich and you don't have to

drive all the way to Israel when you can

get one at the deli right down the

street and it's just as fresh and juicy

and mouth-watering you ever had lunch

yet have you no I have not dad I think I

might be in love with Monica Oh son just

because you kiss a girl doesn't know

that mark and I did more than just kiss

really you telling me you're no longer a

member of the never touch a boobie try

dad there is no such tribe and yes

really so you got the 2nd base bryan

were there more bases I guess how many

more well I don't really know that much

about baseball but touchdown

oh my god yeah dad are you okay yeah

yeah yeah yeah I'm just so glad you got

there before Lauren's dad me too yeah so

oh it was really special that just wait

on to be I'm glad to hear that I really

am Wow my boy is a man so tell me more

about Monica what does she look like oh

I had this picture that's Monica she's

beautiful yeah of course anyone would

look good standing next to that skinny

flat-chested girl no dad that's me yeah

you really need to lose that

hey you were up there a long time with

Brian everything okay yeah yeah he was

just telling me all about the remarkable

time he had medley I want to go to Italy

knocks Emma over my dead body why not

because I don't want my little girl

enjoying Italy the way Brian did don't

worry i'd have a lot more fun go to your

room fine I'll go to Italy when you're

dead that's all I'm asking why you so

mad will fade away it's where meatballs

come from mad at Italy I I just have a

talk with Brian quite a talk and I

really think we should consider bringing

Monica over here why well I don't know

how to tell you this but when Brian was

in Italy he lost something his retainer

no yeah that too but something else

something we thought he'd never lose

what did we think behind would never

lose oh my god you know I've never felt

more like a dad than i did just now he

told me all about her really opened up

she sounds like a special girl it was

Monica's first time too and don't worry

they use all the necessary precautions

he even set the parking brake

oh my baby this changes everything you

know maybe we should find this girl out

here meet her I mean I'm not saying he's

gonna marry her or anything but first

time you married me and I was your first

time yes you were my first and my 3rd

5th and everything after 20 at least let

those ships that I like so see it told

mom just such a big woman in your life

just wish it could have been

hey so he's came back from the doctor

and Perry's got a clean bill of health

yeah no more bruised brain it's got to

keep it out of a thick and stay off it a

few weeks hello I need to book a one-way

ticket from Chicago darina and i will

need a kosher meal by the way that I'm

Jewish oh sounds like he's back to

normal muffle tough yeah yeah just want

to miss him so much Judy you know this

extra week was so nice I kind of wishes

injury was more serious you know is to

keep him here a little longer ah it's a

name creepy all right me and Brian are

going to dinner and then the cigar stop

oh you guys gonna have such a good time

you can talk about your feelings and fun

and do our makeup and have a pillow

fight don't Sam it up it's cigar ok I'm

on before forget Monica says the fares

are really going up so we should try to

get that money together asap anything

for you ok how about you stop getting

choked up every time you look at me a

good news that I'm gonna fly out tonight

no no that's your Sona the good one see

that's a good of taken yeah I've got my

credit card right here here is right now

no yeah you get back

so bill how come you've never brought

Ryan around here before oh it's not

really a place for kids you brought

Lauren Tina versa okay okay for boys but

this summer Bryan became a man running

good for you come on Brian show these

guys the picture no no come on d*ck okay

say no more if you're not comfortable

showing around your picture of Monica I

respect that thanks dad no problem I

made a color copier and Brian nice work

huh holy cow what a looker yes you can't

answer kinda you got a pictures of you

guys at the beach Lane all this talk of

you know well everybody smoking cigars

it seems kind of phallic don't you think

these big boys aren't phallic their

Dominican right well as a Freud said

sometimes a cigar is just a cigar hey

hey quit spouting that Freud mumbo jumbo

and take a long deep drag off your old

man stick right you doing okay there

kiddo yeah yeah no

I took my first time let me do we still

talking about cigars there will be back

on the sex both see bill you said this

girl's name was monica any better on the

summer abroad program yeah my kid Jeremy

did that Italy program last year and he

also lost it hmm with the same girl what

no no that's not possible Monica's first

time was with Brian I'm afraid not see

this necklace she's wearing my kid gave

that to her you ever see her again I'd

like it back was my mom's I don't

believe this she scammed Jeremy out of

600 bucks was supposedly for a plane

ticket to Chicago but once he wired her

the money he never heard from her again

broke the kids heart oh my god thought

you should know well yeah thnkx know so

was your boy in particular the beach

[Music]

well I just got off the phone with

coordinator from the exchange program

they looked into it and turns out this

thing with Monica is true she's some

local girl who preys on rich Americans

for some reason Brian well thank God we

didn't wire that money yeah because I'm

gonna need it to fly over there and take

that boot that Italy is shaped like an

kick her ass with it yeah and I'm gonna

punch her with Michigan hey guys hey hey

Brian dead by the way thanks for taking

me to that cigar store last night I had

a great time yeah it was fun yes it

meant a lot to me and it wasn't like you

were just my dad it was like you were my

friend yeah well I'm gonna go up and see

if Monica's online I haven't talked to

her in like 12 hours what are you gonna

do with the boys in love with her he'll

be crushed but we got a talent screw up

his attitude towards women for the rest

of his life like my sister she had a

lousy first time and look at the

horrible choices she's made I mean Perry

turned out to be the keeper Linda may

have made some bad choices but in

fairness so did the guys who dated her

Brian I do um you know Tom we won't let

her come but thinnest just hate us this

girl was no good and he should know it

he's a man now he can handle the truth

yeah Brian about Monica yeah I'm so

excited for her to meet you guys I know

that you're gonna love her just as much

as I do well she can't come why there's

something you should know as wonderful

as Monica is you're just way too young

to be this serious about a girl who

lives halfway around the world you're a

senior there are plenty of girls here

date them I I thought you understood how

much she means Brian you heard what I

said case closed I cannot believe you

you know don't ever pretend like you're

my friend again because you're not

he's gonna hate you for this you know

that right and I me than her hey going

on you still haven't gone back to reno I

supposed to fly back days ago all these

freak injuries keep happening to me like

last night I got hit in the head with a

book books are heavy honey before I was

in the shower and this morning I was

trying to get something out the car and

the troglodyte me on the head be faulty

hinge come on James Linda can I talk to

you for a minute what are you doing

you're gonna k*ll him and then he'll be

dead and i thought was as bad as being

in reno I know it's crazy okay but I

just missed him so much I was willing to

do anything so he wouldn't leave me all

alone well why don't you just be honest

with him and ask him to stay home Judy I

don't want to seem needy husband still

pretty steamed he not only picked up

some italian phrases he got some of

their hand gestures down to you sure

we're doing the right thing you know

taking the blame it was a beautiful

heroic gesture protecting a young boys

memory of his first love what's this we

crap he still likes me oh come on he'll

come around he hadn't done what you did

who knows what kind of screwed up

relationships you would have gotten into

I can't believe it you've been purposely

giving me concussions just to keep me

here yeah well I am the luckiest man in

the world you really love me do you

thank you once again he's the keeper

I wouldn't have it any

way cause you Maggie