04x06 - Still Aging

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Still Standing". Aired: September 30, 2002 - March 8, 2006.*
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Bill and Judy Miller are a blue-collar Chicago couple trying to raise three children responsibly without sacrificing their youthfulness.
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04x06 - Still Aging

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[Music]

hey dad what are we doing for Mom's

birthday Paul that's right it's today

I'd better go get a gift the guy at the

store said it would be ready mom's

birthday isn't till next week oh my god

I got nothing well she's trying 40 we

should do something special she's

turning 40 she looks great I do you have

any idea hold any of us are Ryan that's

an ugly game that I want to win maybe we

should have a good party I don't know

turning 40 is a very sensitive issue for

women their lives are half over and

their best years are behind them that's

something we can put on our cart hey

guys what's going on we're talking about

your birthday and how your life is over

it's okay guys I am fine with turning 40

I mean look at me I still fit into my

teenage daughters bathing suit what I

mean I could still fit in but we're not

gonna make a big deal out of this

birthday grandma and grandpa come and

we're gonna go for a nice dinner that's

it but what about presents Oh do not

spend any money on me just give me

something from your heart kid but not

you big daddy you need to come up with

something that's gonna Wow me and not

you putting a whole cheesecake in your

mouth you can do that Wow don't worry I

got some ideas all right now why don't

you let me help you set the table for

dinner doesn't count as it gasps kids go

help your mother

hey

[Applause]

[Music]

all right the meaning of the moms

birthday gift committee will now come to

order I move that we rename the

committee Brighton sucks monkey I vote

yes committee thing and figure out what

we're getting mom for her birthday I'm

just gonna do what Tina does right I

love you mommy on a card spell something

wrong mom cries and boom I'm good team

is eight when you spell something wrong

mom cries for a different reason hey

when your Kings mom turned 40 he made a

list of 40 things that he loved about

her we could do that you know you're

nice you're pretty we love your meat

loaf I do love her meal we're great this

is going to be easy and so into the

first meeting of Brian sucks monkey

that's not the name instead we voted her

mama daddy oh not yet the att*ck company

has the flu and I'm picking up mom from

the train station in a half hour what

are those oh my company newsletter did a

big story of my promotion with big

picture and everything and that you know

I just kind of want to leave it in a

place where mom will accidentally find

it aren't you just show it to her

because Judy that would seem needy I'm

gonna need a brighter ball yes you are

surprised you're just doing here we were

gonna pick you up at the train station I

know I decided to drive out those trains

are so unreliable and I didn't want to

miss my favorite daughter Imam I mean my

daughter's birthday I often want to miss

spending time with someone else is very

special to me hey Gus I

[Music]

why do you guys call each other Gus

because nobody has fun like Gus it

cracked me up every time oh oh okay I

guess ladies getting old how can I got

your luggage oh that old Souq a kid

broke on the way up can get me

screwdriver and something to fix my

tooth page with gosh I can't believe you

drove all the way up from Indiana by

yourself that is so dangerous don't

start with me about my eyes again well

did you get some chest with you said you

were going to I'll do it when I get back

no no you are not driving anywhere until

you see someone yeah mom I could

probably settle this vision thing blitz

me for all one sec he couldn't read this

it's sauce my company newsletter hey was

that on the front page you work with

Cloris Leachman hoarsely train note mom

not to picture of me seemed I can't even

seriously that's not closely true

nonetheless mom you need to get your

eyes checked oh I am NOT going to any

eye doctor Gus tell her I'm fine that

bill to do your bidding for you Gus tell

her she's going oh yeah this is new

trick what he wants to get out of doing

something he pretends yes two three come

on let's get you settled a lot careful

up those stairs mom stuff little

something I learned and thank you leader

Oh save it the only went upstairs oh

I wonder why do you gotta chick of a mom

going the eye doctor I know what it is

Judy's turning 40 and she can't deal

with it do you he's fine about turning

40 mm-hmm or maybe she hasn't dealt with

her fear of aging and she's obsessing

over a mother getting old in psychology

we call this projecting well you call

the belief that you're a psychologist I

call it nuts that is the filthiest joke

I've ever heard that's why I knew you'd

love it how could I not love it it's got

everything a gorilla or house and beans

and I still didn't know where it was

going oh sorry you have to drive me to

the eye doctor on your day off according

to Judy I need a chauffeur when did my

daughter turn into such a hard-ass he's

not a hard-ass she's a woman who loves

us deeply and expresses it through fear

and v*olence so you're afraid of her

don't be ridiculous of course I am hope

you're not mad at me about all this Gus

no I just wish we were off doing

something fun I mean my eyes are fine

look I can read all these billboards

refinance your home Kings outlet mall

lucky deuce casino next exit

I am being such a great time I haven't

played craps in years I can barely

remember the rules heartache press my

six five dollars on the yo don't ever

got golf bedroom Ellen I I think we may

have to cut this short we've only got

ten minutes oh they'll give it up we're

never gonna make it to the eye doctor no

I'm talking about the prime rib buffet

it's all you can eat and I think I can

b*at the house hi dennis is a big role

salt pepper I'm got the whole bedroom

actually for this we need the fresh

ground

[Applause]

[Music]

all right line let's start with your 40

reasons why we love mom I love you

because you're nice and you're pretty

and you make good meatloaf it didn't

even try all right Tina what do you got

nice to me meatloaf pretty again my

thing okay so you tell me we can't come

up with more than three things that we

love about our own mother well maybe we

should just give up on this and buy her

something no no she wants a gift from

the heart and I shouldn't be that hard

I've got to be more than three things oh

you know here's one she has nice hands

that's four and I fingers my god that's

like 10 things right there I gotta fall

so bad she's not an idiot that's another

one she's got a minute I what a

coincidence my driver's license expires

on my birthday mom everybody's done Yeah

right Brian everybody's license expires

on my birthday then we're back to for

you promise me we're gonna go to the

doctor tomorrow I swear what hard-ass

doesn't know won't hurt her right I

smell like booze little do I smell like

beef kinda good Judy won't suspect a

thing okay Hannah caught the eye doctor

oh good good but he didn't get to finish

all the tests we have to go back

tomorrow what kind of test just the

usual all I know is we both have to fast

tonight I am so stuff why do you have to

pass as a show of support bills taking

me again tomorrow but mom tomorrow was

my day remember i was going to take you

to the arboretum well honey I'm sorry

but I have to take care of my health I'm

gonna go online down now I am so drunk

hey hey well I'll come with you we can

talk okay honey but if I close my eyes

start doing my breathing exercises

doesn't mean I'm not listening I know

seems to take in my moms too doctor

don't worry about it no I had to work

and it's not a fun thing to do on your

day off well I knew it was important to

you and that made it important to me hey

mom grandma I doctor called he said she

missed her appointment today he wants

you to call him you're gonna let go you

gonna run were you oh yeah

you took my mother to some casino

instead of taking her to the doctor but

she didn't want to go and I didn't want

to force her Helen likes me I don't want

to ruin that I I never had a mother what

that I could stand I mean come on saw

this doctor stuff really about your mom

you know you're turning 40 and you're

worried about your mom getting older

maybe your project tiling I assume you

mean projecting the sake of keeping the

conversation moving we'll go with your

word bill I honestly have no problem

turning 40 I am just concerned about my

mother now you have to take her back to

the doctor tomorrow because I have to

work and if there's nothing wrong with

her I will forget the whole thing all

right fine I'll take over you where if

they go again not a present so difficult

to shop for wasn't look disgusting joke

I've ever heard I'm gonna really even be

in a whorehouse honey it was there

somewhere we could drop you well this

was supposed to be our day together

remember and Judy wanted me to make sure

you actually made it to the doctor this

time you d like I can't be trusted to

not go back to the casino although i did

find thirty dollars in chips in my purse

and i'm feeling pretty lucky mom you

have to go through with this judy said

that a few nice aunt judy said you know

when do you used to be the fun one

really be the fun one sure yeah no

you're right I am I am fun one yeah come

on Bella star the casino we got plenty

of time to that grumpy old doctor up get

it oh just drop me off and I'll be right

out or better yet just just slow down

near the off-ramp and I'll tuck-and-roll

Oh God all right but just long enough to

get you thirty dollars I promise in and

out I'll cash in my chips will still go

to the dr Judy I'll never know yeah

because she can be such a wet blanket

right but me I am all over going to the

casino because I'm the fun daughter

right MA yeah sure fine yeah you're the

fun daughter top it you're embarrassing

I'm gonna make your appointment we gotta

leave right now oh darn I guess we're

not gonna make it what are you doing to

me you had no intention to go into that

dr. good oh jeez so cool oh let him lady

live a little hella everything on the

heartache are they working on the come

out come on sh**t roll them bones yeah

damn bonesy gonna roll themselves gay

hey we get it hey I'm sorry Mary 47

listen hey now come on give me my money

Helen excuse me is there problem here

this one's not the sh**t will donate

but it was a seven and eight Linda you

saw what did he roll Jimbo sorry man

could you please step away from okay no

I want my money helen joe you know what

everybody just relax i have an idea what

are we just called a do-over okay

we're are a big dinner starting to worry

your father's never late for anything

that involves cake of your birthday we

have to look something to give yeah you

sweet kid will you told us not to buy

you anything so we put our heads

together we can opposite yeah Gordy

dollars one for every year yeah and

their singles because you're our single

favorite mom sweet I was just hoping you

do a little something more from the

heart I did I make you something from my

heart Oh 14 things I love about you

honey why 14 because that's how would

you I good sweet but honey mommy's 40

not 14 really I wish I'd known I could

have come up with 40 easy get ready for

dinner yeah come on Tina let's go

upstairs you'll be fine Lauren I'll have

to get dressed I'll take care of you

know find out whenever works doctor oh

we all damn we covered our bases now we

just need for you not to blab like you

usually do mom I don't blab on the fun

Meister

I added the Meister it's fun isn't it

we're back hey that doctor's appointment

really ran long is everything okay

absolutely he said there's nothing wrong

with my eyes everything's fine hey

nothing wrong never was but the doctor

said so you see you worried for nothing

yes I owe you an apology but you can't

blame me for worrying mom you don't want

a gamble when it comes to your eyesight

who's anything about gambling hey Morgan

bones what is wrong with you you're

sweating like a pig what's going on you

guys I could see now no never with a

doctor I didn't know what the hell is

wrong with you you know she wouldn't go

unless you took her by the hand and you

made her go she didn't want to go hey

she's right here and she's not a child I

can fight my own battles okay the same

way I can make my own decisions about my

help I will go to the doctor when and if

I choose to fine you're right I can't

force you if you don't care about your

eyes de neither do i go blind be my

guest thank you do you believe her

sometimes she got off my back thank god

I've got you Gus actually it was a seven

what the guy at the table rolled a seven

not an 8 it was right in front of us and

he couldn't see it really I mean it's

your decision but I think you should

make that appointment wow really a

wake-up call when you're high side gets

so bad it interferes with your gambling

[Music]

sorry Helen are you gonna talk to you

too no no that's your call but she's a

good person and I think he all worth

that thank you sweet cash I think I just

found Judy a birthday present Judy now

you that mom you made your point no

actually you were right about my eyes

what I definitely need to see a doctor

something a little fuzzy going on there

although it does get better when I drink

have you been fighting me on this and

what's with the lying in the gamble it's

just trying to hold fun before

everything on me goes to hell um you're

not an old lady because you're having a

little I trouble Laurens teacher told us

years ago that she needed glasses and we

just told her sit closer to the board oh

honey i'm not feeling old because i need

glasses feeling old because my

daughter's turning 40 why are you

freaking out it's my birthday and I'm

fine with it yeah well I'm not seems

like yesterday you were my little baby

girl I was putting you on the washing

machine so you'd fall asleep suddenly 40

years have gone by like that Oh see that

hurts right there when I

I just hate that we've been hiding oh

there's no reason we can't get closer as

we get older you know we should both

aged together with grace and dignity I

agree 20 please that's 33 crabs

[Music]

I wouldn't have it any other way cause

you backed me

[Applause]
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