04x14 - Still Out of the Loop

[bunniefuu]

[Music]

can you bring me my purse what I said

can you bring me my purse well you're

closer find my checkbook you need to

write Tina a check for the magazine your

stupid magazines and the reason Tina's

here so i didn't have on that night your

checkbooks not in here just sunglasses

birth control pills and an algebra book

ah this must be Lauren's purse uh-huh

yours must be around here wait wait a

minute what oh well I can explain what

is she doing with my sunglasses oh I

don't know you have any idea how hard it

is to find sunglasses that don't squeeze

you why are the birth control pills in

lawrenceburg don't freak bill I know all

about them I helped her get that you put

our daughter on the pill they are not

for birth control okay she had some

other female issues that birth control

pills are used to regulate like walk

well this is some of the stuff you

wanted to be kept out of the loop on

remember try me if I can't handle it

I'll tell you to stop okay um the uterus

how can you be sure she's not using them

for some guy instead of her you know

water because she doesn't have a

boyfriend how do you know that because

she told oh she told you we all know

teenagers always tell the truth

especially in a house where honesty is

valued which is not here well I have a

trusting relationship with our children

Lauren tells me everything and what she

doesn't i get out of tina by stuffing

her with Kansas not to suggest you're

not doing a good job with Lauren but I'm

taking over raising her oh come on

you're overreacting driver's license

birth control pills where r this kid's

parents I am officially back in the loop

and I'm gonna find out what's really

going on with these pills no no you're

not if you even tell her about the pills

she'll be humiliated and she'll never

trust me again I'm allowed to talk to my

daughter Oh take a sh*t but the last

thing a sixteen-year-old girl wants to

do is talk to her dad about I know how

to be subtle and delicate when talking

to women by the way the sweater yams are

aces today

with you today

[Applause]

I don't know why I'm taking a driving

lesson from you dad mom said you crashed

two cars I only crash one car but I

crashed it into our other car so when

your mother's twisted logic I guess

across two cars oh hey Ben why because

I'm interested in what's going on in

your life any anything new in school

science has gotten easier since i

started teaching creationism now if you

don't know the answer you can just say

God did it or you can always ask your

boyfriend what's what was his name again

dad I don't have a boyfriend can we just

drive I'm sorry I'm sorry i'll keep the

conversation on driving when you think

about it though driving is a lot like a

lot of other things in life it is sure

it's a very serious responsibility and

you know a lot of people rush into it

you know what I mean yes in fact you

know maybe you shouldn't do it till

you're old a much much older but

everybody my age doesn't dad well that

doesn't mean you're ready why the first

time I did it I was really good and I've

only gotten better

I'm a really good driver oh yeah driving

what what's this oh that must be Nick

shirt Nick yeah I some guy from my

school who was undressing in your car

should I give him a ride home and he got

hot I bet he did that's his lessons over

we're going home no more driving ever

why because I had a friend in the car

who gets hot and just takes their shirt

I've seen you do it at the dinner table

that's a little treat for your mother as

a reward for her fine cooking

mom what's wrong your dad crashed

another car worse he started freaking

out because he found a shirt in the back

seat who's sure Nick DeFalco they told

you about him he's just a friend Oh a

boy who's a friend put those together

what do you get a boyfriend which you

said she didn't have Judy once again

where her parents well I'm her mother

and I'm thinking of getting back in

touch with her real father yeah what

exactly is your problem dad my problem

is boys are getting hot in your car and

you're on the pill you know I'm on the

pill I didn't tell him he found it when

he was rifling through your purse no

privacy in the tub I hate it oh you

really stepped in it no I married it a

big pile of it I can't believe you

brought up the pill so she's never gonna

trust me again he was lying to you about

why she wanted him well she told me

about this Nick he's just some doofy Guy

from school but you overreacted and you

blew it for both of us you know what

buddy you're back out of the loop was

yes we're going back to the way it's

always been me raisin worn as a single

mom she needs a father in her life I

know but I can't find the cocktail

napkin with his number on

okay hi girls hi mr. Miller we're going

up to my room study I'll try not to have

sex while we're high just told me we're

gonna work on our book reports let's

look Lauren I'm really sorry about

yesterday I overreacted you're a good

girl and I totally trust you thanks dad

beautiful right into my trap are you

doing with that baby monitor Shh I'm

spying on a baby I stirred at

apologizing oh you freaked out over

nothing yeah my dad apologizes to me all

the time it's one of the 12 steps hey

what's a pound I don't know there's a

corking sound coming from under your bed

your mother thinks she's all innocent

but your sisters up to something and I'm

gonna find out what except it's awfully

quiet up there yeah that's probably cuz

you put the wrong into the monitor up in

a room I did son of a the way we always

used it well that explains a lot of

cries that went unanswered

hello just a second Lauren phone sky

hanging up hello hi Goren oh hey new are

we still getting together tonight

totally it's so great that the Wagner

asked me to watch their house and feed

their pets law their way we're going to

have the whole place to ourselves I

can't wait to get all over your fine

stuff let me give you the address it's

four five six mil drive give it to me a

kid it's four five six they'll drive

house here today but sweet sweet lady

she's meeting a guy I knew it judy has

no idea what's going on with that little

girl just come back normal we normally

write on the table of my we're leaving

take care there are paper towels right

there if you wanted to go for an evening

walk this is so Roman yeah about that it

was all a big lie I just wanted to show

you the house where our daughter is

fornicating Wow Lauren is in here right

now with a boy no she is house-sitting

for the Wagner's by herself wake up a

teenage girl on the pill in an empty

house with beds it's practically the

first verse of a van Halen song you can

stop by our daughter to be prepared to

feel very very foolish ah you are right

bill I feel like an ass wait let me

finish is standing right next what are

you doing here your father thought you

were over here with some boy what I am

just house-sitting Sheba Oh drop the act

I heard you on the phone planning your

rendezvous where is this guy you're

listening in on Michael you were

listening in on her phone call somebody

has to I'm just being a responsible

parent there's no boy I don't know why

no dad just don't open that door oh look

Judy she doesn't want me to open this

door wonder who could be hiding in here

was this awesome trick to make your

father look like an idiot

ah fighting my ass looks good John

okay my rice term go to the concert wait

a minute concert yeah Green Day remember

know who you going with Nick I told you

well I don't remember bill did you hear

anything about those don't look at me

I'm out of the loop I'm just a guy who

lives here and now that I'm removed from

parenting I could be honest those

paintings you made in kindergarten week

mom I've got to go he's waiting fine but

be home right after the concert that was

weird I swear she never said anything to

me about concert mm what are you

thinking how freeing it is not to have

any kids I don't have any reason to be

here now what about me bill a single mom

with three kids school that's a lot to

take on i'll be at chi phi mom feeling

where are you going Oh basketball game a

lot of good freshmen this year really so

the team's good oh I don't know I'm

talking about the cheer squad um did

Lauren take the collar no her friend

took her to the green day concert but

that was canceled canceled yeah last

week she knew that but she lied to me

don't believe it your dad was right

about her neck Nick Nick ooh nikka Falco

make the Falco yeah Lauren said he's

some doofy kid from school flaky make

Nick the trick knows his way around a

chick they write poems about

[Applause]

I'm calling that kids parents I'm Nick

doesn't remember this parents he has his

own apartment he has his own apartment

yeah you know it's great you know all

the guys bring all the girls over there

to just talk and do nothing else ever

get in the car you're taking me there

all right the one time I finally get to

go to Nick got to be with my mom so

embarrassing okay you might want to stay

in the car

[Music]

Judy kids anybody know I Lauren nope

just me how was your night if your

sinuses acting up no I'm great

everything's different wonderful who

wants waffles well whenever I'm feeling

down waffles always make me feel better

why don't you go down and whip us up a

batch honey I know I'm not supposed to

be sticking my nose in your business but

what are you upset about you don't have

to do this I can do the rate for mom to

come on no I really want to know why I

was a little bit neck I just something

do you know your mom should be home any

minute come home just forget that you

can go back downstairs I'm sorry honey

you're upset me you need to talk you can

tell me anything you want including

whatever you are Nick did and I promise

you won't get into trouble we do oh god

oh god we were we're parked out by like

[Music]

talking and I told him how much I loved

him and that I wanted to be a girlfriend

it just got really freaked out he

fainted think of me that way from you

I'm sorry that was wrong with me am I

really that growth come on honey you

you're not gross you were when you were

free but everybody is honest honey but

you know maybe this is a good thing

sounds like Nick wasn't ready for

anything as serious as what you wanted

ready dad well you know your body might

be ready but there's nothing wrong with

slowing things down a little and knowing

for sure it's the right guy don't worry

him I'm done with boys I'm never gonna

have sex oh honey you will trust me I

hope when the time comes its know its

season with somebody I love I was gonna

say not on the couch

I spend a lot of time there you're gonna

be okay I'm really glad you worship

tonight it really so you know no matter

what happens in your life you can always

come to me okay thanks dad I lied to mom

about going to the concert so I could go

to the lake with Nick you're on your own

you listening why don't you come in and

help me out you're doing pretty good

fact I think you might be farther inside

the loop that I ever was nice job I love

that kid I just need to see her hurting

yeah so should I wait until tomorrow to

go ballistic honor she's already

crawling judi l anyone some was going to

finish it there's just a little bit left

[Laughter]

[Music]