Wow Brian graduating but you guys
thought this day would never come up and
after our three I thought it would never
end that speech Bryan made valedictorian
more like valedictorian hedonic snoring
haha terra bella dick for Ian we already
said that one will be in the car Oh Ryan
your speech was wonderful thanks aunt
Lena so what'd you guys think well to
tell you the truth it was kind of hard
to concentrate there was a woman next to
making fun of you with her hands I'm
signing for the hearing impaired I for
one was very moved by your speech when
you said that part about following your
dream it really spoke to me so tomorrow
I'm quitting my job to write my novel
well I didn't really mean can't wait to
read it um so mom I'm gonna go get some
of my math league buddies you can take a
picture of all of us okay honey did you
bring the camera why would I bring a
camera I know perhaps because it's the
most important day in your son's life
then it's kind of his responsibility to
bring the camera okay we're ready ok
guys get together not a camera phone no
okay everybody smile say bovine curd
coagulant G
oh I ask you / you people are terrible
so big day for Brian yeah lots of
emotion yep you feel any well I'll think
God me neither Emily I'm not the least
pit wait wait oh I feel something yup
here come the waterworks hey you can't
tell me all these people are that broken
up about their kid graduating and
leaving home hey guys yeah look at fitz
he's okay okay about what well that you
could graduate it and is leaving you
know going out into the world we all
knew was gonna happen sooner or later
it's little boy I just want a hold along
with time sunrise sunset
what's wrong with this bill are we
totally unemotional I don't know Judy I
cry every time I see that movie Rudy how
could you not they put him in for that
one last play he's five feet nothing for
God's sakes bud read nothing but he was
he was old hard hey mom and dad being
the guys are gonna go oh you too it was
gonna get just sooner or later um excuse
me I could you take a picture of me my
parents sure I'm on edge oh how do i
press anything
[Music]
okay guys I've got some big big news of
course given what you know about me you
won't really be surprised and the closet
door swings open I love you but I'm not
walking in any parades you know there's
a boy in choirs than asking about you
all right listen jackasses my news is I
got accepted into the summer program at
the University of Chicago I'll be moving
into the dorms in two weeks well come on
big kick can you believe I'm actually
gonna be moving out of the house great
I'll move out of my way thank you
seriously thank you all for preparing me
for a world filled with indifference you
know kind of think of it you may be a
little fussy for my choir fast I'm not
gay
wow he's really leaving well this is big
now let's take a minute and think what
this means for our family I get his room
no I did I called it first I thought
that that time you fell through the ice
and we thought he was a goner okay you
two stop it fine she can have it I'll
just stay in our room ha wait a minute
our rooms bigger recall that I believe
those two moving into Brian's room
before he's even left the house yeah
they're so selfish that'd be like us
taken over his room and building
ourselves a big master suite we'd never
do something like that well oh thank god
you want to do it too you know pits and
marry and have this great contractor we
can use okay what Brian's gonna think
that we don't even care about him moving
on and we do well think I've you don't
care either we just have to keep it a
secret from the kids hey can we have one
of those glass showers why want to watch
me so pop yes okay oh you do what I just
realized we could have separate toilets
no more leaving a sock on the door to
warn me to wait yeah would you guys mind
no I'm only gonna be 20 minutes away and
i'll be at home sleeping in my room
every other weekend trust me it'll never
be the same
[Music]
so you and your wife are contractors huh
I couldn't imagine doing that with my
husband the only thing I've ever seen
him hammer is a six-pack and even then
he got tired in the middle so Fitz and
Marion highly recommend you guys they
say you worked wonders for them and
they're happier than ever my husband and
I thought we could handle this on her
own but obviously we need professional
help I'm gonna have to call you back who
is that uh that was the Church of the
latter-day saints that's why i said i
would call them back ladder Judy did you
and make that appointment did I get your
ointment silly yes I got your ointment
right right right so when's the
appointment feeling with the ointment
guy don't blow this for us dummy
so you have an appointment with an
ointment guy it's a little personal
bride mom and dad are acting really
weird it's not an act no I'm it I heard
mom making some kind of appointment on
the phone with someone who was referred
to them by fits and Mary it's in Marion
yeah someone who worked wonders for them
and then then dad came in the room and
mom got all sneaky about it my god must
mean they're going on marriage counselor
marriage counseling yeah Fitz and Marion
went through that terrible separation
last year and I guess this person must
have helped them through it you really
think my mom and dad have a bad marriage
Oh we'll maybe your mom did yeah I've
been crying an awful lot lately well
Brian you know sometimes a big change
and the family structure can throw a
marriage into disarray it's pretty
obvious well they're upset about losing
me come been around much lately you
haven't been working on my novel no or
it could be me graduating and leaving
home Brian everything isn't always about
you i know i'm i'm pretty sure this is
though i just hate that it makes them so
unhappy than i'm leaving i think i'm
gonna go Susan no no no you can't they
obviously want to keep this thing
private they're very private people much
like the guarded couple in my novel
Guinevere and Pierre vonda bouche you
really should read it yeah I don't know
how about just the first chapter all
right how long is it 600 pieces okay
this is what I wanted to show you the
jacuzzi I put a down payment on who does
it fit too there's a room for you me and
enough extra room for my fantasy to come
true I'm not taking a bath with you and
a pot of chili I'm you gotta throw me
something here how about 20 years with
the woman out of your league how about a
pot of chili are you done yes I see
those steam shower Oh give me a paper
cut
one is there any of that alignment there
is no point mint we lied to pool Brian
I'm really in pain I am too i heard just
as bad as you'd minds deeper than yours
this is how I'm living in hell just give
it a little time I want to give it time
I want the pain to stop now all right
that's it mom dad I know what you guys
are trying to keep from me you do yes
you're all torn up about me moving out
we are dad you don't have to pretend
anymore I I can't stand to see you guys
in this much pain that's why I'm not
gonna do it I'm not moving out that's
right let it out you little bribri isn't
going anywhere
what do you mean you're not moving out
Ryan I'm not letting you put our dreams
on hold your dreams on hold don't worry
about it i can still go to college i can
just live at home we don't want to hold
you back you need to spread your wings
go out into the world and stay there are
you sure absolutely if you really think
so didn't guess I'm moving out that's
great son you should get an education
and find yourself a good woman someone
who loves you enough to take a bath with
you and a pot of chili but those women
are few and far between if they exist at
all
[Music]
k the contractors will be here any
minute ah good thinking you put on
something old and ratty so they won't
think we're rich in sokka's just bought
this yesterday you look pretty hey guys
hey punkin hell's she doing here lives
here still you hear all these stories
about kids running away and our house is
still packed don't worry I'll get rid of
her hey sweetie who wants to go shopping
long we already discussed this we're not
the gilmore girls okay not with me all
by yourself with my money awesome you
know you're not just a mom you're a
friend hi oh where you going mom just
gave me money to get out of the house
why I was gonna ask but I was already
leaving and I like money one listened
there's a reason why mom and dad have
been acting so weird why don't you sit
Brian I've seen the empties I know how
much they drink no I think mom and dad
are going through a tough time in the
marriage right now because I'm moving
out but but don't worry they're going to
couples therapy wow that's major what
are you talking about well when people
like mom and dad go to couples therapy
it's beginning of the end just like
Becca's parents couples therapy led to
group therapy which led to a cult which
led to orgies oh geez what mom and dad
yeah imagine how much the other people
would have to drink
oh that must be down a Melanie remember
we want to get into bed with these
people so don't do anything to turn them
off hey Miller's we're so glad we can
finally do this yeah we had to find a
time when none of the kids were home I
hear you don't want to freak the kids
out if they catch you doing this well
let's go up to the bedrooms and get busy
this has been a fantasy of mine for so
long that's why we're here and make
people's fantasies come true well these
are the two bedrooms okay great Melanie
you and Bill take that room and Judy and
I'll start in here then after that we'll
swap so your son doesn't have any idea
what we're doing up here no he thinks
we're all really sad about him leaving
can you imagine if he knew what was
really going on wow that is quite a
piece of equipment thanks you should
have seen the look on Melanie's face
first time she laid eyes on it so you're
gonna take pictures if you don't mind
these might end up on our website you
know to bring in new people well don't
get ahead of yourself I have to be
satisfied first
I'm sorry it's so small
okay I like a challenge oh hell I'm
ready for ya put your finger there a
little to the left further finger that's
the spot oh oh oh my back's starting to
cramp up oh that's okay finish on my own
don't you give danahan with your wife
okie dokie oh there you are good news I
have chapter to know what I gotta get
out of here I'm gonna be sick oh I have
a cure for you 700 pages of romance in a
leper colony it's called take my hand my
parents are soulless perverts they're
they're swingers swappers what have you
call him it's whoppers come on Brian I
find that unbelievable your mother may
be but your father thought of a guy up
there with my mom's makes you want to
march up there and open up a can of
punch face you guys are so great well I
was delighted about how flexible you are
Brian oh hi you must be there son we
were just in your bedroom I'm Dan all
right that's it pleased to meet you
Brian sorry I don't know all the wacky
handshakes you kids do let go of my hand
I'm kicking your ass you are why because
you're disgusting what are you doing
defending your honor and I want this
wife swap or out of our house wife
swappers they're not wife swappers
through contractors who are only here to
swap wives with us
don't blow this dumb Bell it's over Ryan
they're here to turn your room into a
master suite for us you're redoing my
room already all right we were gonna
wait until you actually moved out but
then a melanie was so hot this was the
only time they could do us how does a
misunderstanding like this even happened
I can't believe you don't even wait till
I'm out of the house you two are
heartless terrible people who never
think of anyone but yourselves but we're
not swappers Brian well I'm sorry about
the misunderstanding it's okay the real
irony here is that Melanie and I
actually are into shut it what a crazy
day Hey chapter three just wrote itself
all right put those down in the basement
this is so unfair we have to clean up
ryan's room and we don't even get it
yeah i am counting the days until i can
move away to college how many are left
see there's a hundred days in a year I
never gonna get my own room it's happier
65 hey guys so I guess this is the last
of it are you sure you're okay with us
change in your room like this yeah it's
okay I mean besides it to your house you
should be able to do what you want with
it uh and I'm really looking forward to
living in the dorms sex loud music
drinking games can't wait to leave all
that behind well if you miss it will be
here byob yeah you gotta go pick up my
dorm cash probably get going oh well
I'll see you around well our son just
left his room for the last time yep
starting to feel it nope me neither what
is wrong with us it's not like we're
never gonna see him again he'll only be
20 minutes away lets you know we'll come
back to play with a dog what dog the dog
I'm gonna buy Brian too yeah it'll be
nice to have a Brian who can catch a
ball when I throw it well we should
probably move this dresser this walls
coming down in the morning this thing
probably hasn't been moved in 15 years
[Music]
oh my god Ryan must have drawn that when
he was little
there won't baby sleeping
[Music]
hello lo I've been gone for over a month
does anybody care of course not
you
oh yeah I thought you guys are gonna
remodel this place yeah well we decided
we liked it just the way it was we want
you to still feel like you're part of
the family when you come home thanks
guys that that's really sweet what's
this Brian Miller all-state quarterback
of the year that made I'm not gonna be
here I'll remember you the way I want it
it's all right everyone at school thinks
you're a cardiologist a cardiologist
cool hear that Judy I'm dealing
blackjack
you
[Music]
Wow Brian graduating but you guys
thought this day would ever come up and
after our three I thought it would never
end that speech Bryan made valedictorian
more like valedictorian dhanak snoring
how the dick for Ian we already said
that one will be in the club Ryan your
speech was wonderful thanks aunt Lena so
what'd you guys think well to tell you
the truth it was kind of hard to
concentrate there was a woman next to
making fun of you with her hands I'm
signing for the hearing impaired I for
one was very moved by your speech when
you said that part about following your
dream it really spoke to me so tomorrow
I'm quitting my job to write my novel
well I didn't really mean can't wait to
read it um so mom I'm gonna go get some
of my mathlete buddies you can take a
picture of all of us okay honey did you
bring the camera why would I bring a
camera I know perhaps because it's the
most important day in your son's life
then it's kind of his responsibility to
bring the camera okay we're ready ok
guys get together got a camera phone No
ok everybody smile say bovine curd
coagulant jeez
oh I ask you / you people are terrible
so big day for Brian yeah lots of
emotion yep you feel any well I'll think
God me neither can't believe I'm not the
least pit wait wait oh I feel something
yep here come the waterworks hey you
can't tell me all these people are that
broken up about their kid graduating and
leaving home hey guys yeah look at fitz
he's okay okay but what well that you
could graduate it and is leaving you
know going out into the world we all
knew was gonna happen sooner or later
it's a little boy I just want to hold
him on with time sunrise sunset
what's wrong with him spill are we
totally an emotional I don't know Judy I
cry every time I see that movie Rudy how
could you not they put him in for that
one last play he's five feet nothing for
God's sakes Bob need nothing but he was
he was old hard hey mom and dad being
the guys are gonna go oh you too it was
gonna get you sooner or later um excuse
me I could you take a picture of me my
parents sure I'm all right you k*ll me
okay how do i press anything
[Music]
okay guys I've got some big big news of
course given what you know about me you
won't really be surprised and the closet
door swings open I love you but I'm not
walking in any parades you know there's
a boy in choirs been asking about you
all right listen jackasses my news is I
got accepted into the summer program at
the University of Chicago I'll be moving
into the dorms in two weeks well come on
KITT can you believe it i'm actually
gonna be moving out of the house great
I'll move out of my way thank you
seriously thank you all for preparing me
for a world filled with indifference you
know kind of think of it you may be a
little fussy for my clarify I'm not gay
wow he's really leaving this is big now
let's take a minute and think what this
means for our family I get his room no I
did I called it first I felt at that
time you fell through the ice and we
thought he was a goner okay you two stop
it fine she can have it I'll just stay
in our room ha wait a minute our rooms
bigger believe those two moving into
Brian's room before he's even left the
house yeah they're so selfish and that'd
be like us taken over his room and
building ourselves a big master suite
we'd never do something like that well
oh thank god you want to do it too you
know pits and marry and have this great
contractor we can use okay know what
Brian's gonna think that we don't even
care about him moving out and we do well
thank God you carry her we just have to
keep it a secret from the kids hey can
we have one of those glass showers why
want to watch me so pop yes okay oh you
do what I just realized we could have
separate toilets no more leaving a sock
on the door to warn me to wait yeah
would you guys mind no I'm only gonna be
20 minutes away and i'll be at home
sleeping in my room every other weekend
trust me it'll never be the same
[Music]
so you and your wife our contractors huh
I couldn't imagine doing that with my
husband the only thing I've ever seen
him hammer is a six-pack and even then
he got tired in the middle
04x20 - Still Graduating
Bill and Judy Miller are a blue-collar Chicago couple trying to raise three children responsibly without sacrificing their youthfulness.