Hey, Dana!
What do you think of this for your wedding bouquet?
Oh, I love it. This is so great.
For once I'm gonna actually get
to throw the bouquet instead of elbowing some bridesmaid
in the mouth. Yeah!
I gotta tell you. I'm all for women fighting.
Throw a little Jell-O in there and you can make a fortune.
Incoming!
Stop it! And you...
Stop it!
I'm gonna pound you!
Anytime, anywhere, short pants.
Oh! Aah!
Hey! Hey!
JIM: Hey, you two, knock it off!
JIM: Hey, knock it off!
So, Kyle...
I have a big job for you on the wedding day.
You get to be Aunt Dana's ring bearer.
That's right. You get to get your hair cut,
and you're gonna wear a tuxedo.
You are gonna be a handsome gentleman.
Do I have to, Daddy?
Yes, Son, we all have to.
But I'll tell you what we can do at the reception.
We can make fart sounds with our armpits.
Jim, remember our wedding?
Oh, my dress and the flowers and...
Aw, my dance with Dad.
Mmm.
Yeah, he was a nice guy.
Yeah.
His funeral was really nice, too.
Too bad he missed those lemon squares.
Jim!
Hey, are you okay?
Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. It just
hit me when I saw that picture.
I remember Dad leading you out to the dance floor
and everybody applauding and...
That's not gonna happen for me.
You gonna have lemon squares at the wedding?
What? If anybody has something better to say, then just say it!
Hey, I know! I know!
Jim can do the father-daughter dance with you.
Oh, honey, I'd love to do that,
but you know I'm the worst dancer.
Honey, no, you are not. You're not that bad!
Oh, please, Cheryl. At our wedding when I was dancing,
I pulled a groin muscle, and it wasn't even mine.
You know, actually, Dana, I was
kind of hoping you'd ask me.
I mean, I'm your brother.
I'd be honored to dance with you
on your wedding day.
Oh. Thank you, Andy. That's really sweet.
Well, let me show you what I got, babe.
Maestro, if you please.
Practice a little bit. Let's see it.
ANDY: I'm gonna keep it simple.
I don't want to show up you and Ryan on your big day.
How sweet.
(JAZZY MUSIC PLAYING)
Oh!
Okay, ow! Oh, my foot!
Sorry.
It's gonna be beautiful.
Get your hand off my butt!
Oh. Sorry.
Whoa! Ow! My back!
Ow! Okay.
Whoa! Ow! Whoo! Aah!
(LAUGHING)
(THUD)
Okay, well, you know, um,
maybe a couple things might need a few tweaks.
But I'll be great on your wedding day.
In fact, I'm gonna go out into the garage
and practice with a broom.
I hope your pillow doesn't get jealous.
He stinks.
There should be a law.
All right, kids, bath time.
GIRLS: Okay, fine.
I want a sponge bath from a nurse.
What?
Uncle Andy says it's the best.
I think Andy forgets
that Kyle's in the back seat sometimes.
I'm sorry. CHERYL: Yeah.
(SIGHS)
Are you okay?
You really want to know?
No!
The game's coming on in five minutes.
Either unload or get out.
It's just...
I miss my Dad.
Yeah, it's tough.
Um...
Listen, uh...
You want me to have Cheryl make you a sandwich?
Jim! That's not gonna help anything.
You want to make me a sandwich?
You know, I remember your wedding.
Dancing with Dad, and...
I remember him looking at me and saying,
"You know, the next time I do this will be at your wedding."
Yeah. Well, at least Andy will be there to dance with you.
Yeah, if you call that dancing.
No, but you're right. He was...
He was sweet to offer, and
I'll just grin and bear it
and imagine I'm dancing with Dad.
I just wish there was something I could do for you.
This isn't it. No, it's weird.
JIM: [span tts:fontStyle="italic"] Oh, baby![/span]
(MUSIC PLAYING)
Oh!
You're not gonna do that with Dana, are you?
Ah, hey.
I know I'm still a little rusty...
The Statue of Liberty is rusty,
and she still moves better than you.
Okay, Mr. Bojangles.
I've seen you dance. You're terrible.
Really?
Is that so?
Oh, my God, what was that?
A tour jete.
What I'm about to tell you,
you have to take to your grave.
And if you rat me out,
you'll get to that grave a lot sooner.
But I
am a classically trained ballroom dancer.
(LAUGHS)
Yeah, and I'm the Queen of England.
Helloo!
Helloo!
I'm serious, Andy.
When I was a kid, my mother didn't want me
getting in trouble after school,
so she signed me up for some dance lessons.
Get out of here.
Yeah, seriously. But you know what?
I hated it at first.
But after a while, I, uh,
I found the upside.
(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)
Jimmy? Jimmy? Eyes up.
I never missed a lesson.
I wouldn't either if I got that close to grown-up-lady boobs.
And I'm talking about now.
Why haven't you told Cheryl about this?
Oh, come on, please. If I told Cheryl,
she'd be dragging me out dancing every night.
If this dance thing is such a secret,
why'd you tell me?
It's Dana.
She's really feeling bad about not dancing with your father.
I know she drives me nuts,
but every bride should be happy on their wedding day.
So you're gonna dance with her?
Hell, no.
I'm gonna teach you.
(MUSIC PLAYING)
Yeah, Jim, I don't know if I feel comfortable...
Back straight!
Feet together!
Your hands up.
Go back on this foot.
On one. Ready?
And, one, together.
Two, out. One, two.
Okay, back. One, two.
One, two. Very good. Now look in my eyes.
Wow.
They're incredibly hazel.
Shut up!
Here, put your hands on my hips.
Put your hands on my hips.
There. All right?
Feel better? You feeling it now?
Hey, I do feel it.
And I feel so safe with you.
Oh, shut up.
You're feeling a little too comfortable.
One, two. That's it.
Now you're swinging with it.
Go out for a little spin.
Oh! (LAUGHS)
Come in.
Ahh...
See? It's very easy.
(CLEARS THROAT)
And that's how you trap a wild boar.
You see, you bring him in close, and then you drop him!
Just like that.
Yeah, but do you have to slow-dance with the boar first?
'Cause that's what we saw.
(ALL LAUGHING)
What are you guys even doing here?
You're way too early.
Well, I'm glad we didn't come later.
No telling what we would have walked in on.
Look, we're a couple guys dancing in a garage.
Don't be so provincial.
Yeah, so what? I know a few dance moves.
I was showing Andy for Dana's wedding.
But we're not gonna talk about it,
because this garage is safe.
Think of it as a, I don't know, private club,
where men can express ideas and experiences
safe from the judgmental eye of a closed-minded society.
All right.
I'm in. Cool?
Cool. Yeah.
All right, let's get to work.
I know how to knit.
I paint watercolors of kitties.
I make my own potpourri.
And sometimes I put on lipstick and shave my entire body...
All right, we're done, we're done.
We're done. We're done.
Let's start with the song. One, two, three, four!
(PLAYING BLUES)
So, at the wedding, Kyle, you're gonna come out first
with the rings for me and my groom.
The doctor.
And then the girls are gonna follow
sprinkling rose petals in front of me and the doctor.
Hey, Gracie, Aunt Dana's marrying a doctor.
I hadn't heard.
DANA: Okay, ready?
(HUMMING [span tts:fontStyle="italic"]THE WEDDING MARCH)[/span]
(SOBBING)
Such a beautiful wedding.
Cheryl, the bride is wearing sweat pants!
I know. I just...
Hey! Sorry I'm late.
I just got through crying my way out of a speeding ticket.
So, where are we?
Oh, we're pretty much done here.
Ooh, sounds like it's time for the reception.
May I have this dance?
He's gonna dance! Run!
(SCREAMING)
Um, Andy, you know what? I've been thinking.
This wedding's becoming too much about me,
so I'm just gonna let Cheryl have the first dance with you.
Like hell!
Just trust me.
I don't know if I...
(MUSIC PLAYING)
Wow!
Andy, it's like somebody connected your body
to your brain.
I took dancing lessons.
Is my back straight enough, Jim?
That is such a weird question to ask me!
Weird!
Whoo!
Oh! I don't know what to say.
I can't believe that.
I know.
You have really improved, Andy. Who taught you?
Oh, um...
Yeah, some guy.
Just some fruity guy.
Hey! Just because a guy can dance
doesn't mean he's fruity.
I'm sure his wife is incredibly satisfied.
Andy, I'm just... I'm really touched that you'd do that.
Well, I know how important
that dance at your wedding is to you.
Oh. Thank you.
JIM: Look at that.
Andy's gonna dance with Dana at the wedding.
The wedding is saved. Isn't that great?
Yeah, sure, whatever. Good for them.
What's wrong with you?
It's nothing. I'm fine. I'm not mad.
Great!
You know what really ticks me off?
I thought you said you weren't mad.
Oh, you knew I was! Yeah, I knew you were.
We're gonna be the only couple not dancing
at Dana's wedding.
We've gone over this before.
Some people have the dancing gene. I don't.
Come on, Jim, let's just take one lesson. We can do this.
Come on, Cheryl.
I want to dance with my husband
at my sister's wedding. Is that too much to ask?
Come on, honey.
If Andy can do it, you can do it.
Just one lesson. Do it for me.
Please?
You are so sexy when you beg.
First lesson's free.
Sitting at home is free.
Come on! This is the last family wedding
I'm gonna get to dance at!
Excuse me? Aren't you forgetting someone?
Oh, I'm sorry.
Until the kids get married!
You're not gonna give up on this thing, are you?
Let's just say
you don't know where I buy the good mustard.
Oh... (CHUCKLES)
All right, you win.
Yay! I love you, I love you!
Hey, Andy, I need the name and number
of your dance instructor.
Uh...
Yeah. Um...
He moved to Canada to marry his life partner.
Oh.
Oh, it's the season of weddings.
I bet he's not marrying...
ALL: A doctor. We know.
(MAMBO MUSIC PLAYING)
Whoo!
Very nice, Jon and Linda.
You will be a sensation at your parents' wedding anniversary.
Now who's left?
Anybody?
All right, Cheryl.
And... Jim.
Cheryl, I am terrible. Look at these people.
They're all afraid of me. Let's just go home.
Jim, honey, we got off to a bit of a rocky start,
but it's only our second class.
I am not giving up on you.
(MAMBO MUSIC PLAYING)
Honey. Okay. See? Perfect?
Honey, not yet.
Honey, will you dance with me?
Honey, dance with me! With me, baby.
See? Good! Good!
Whoo! Ahh!
No! Honey! Honey!
Oh! Oh! Oh!
You okay, baby?
Yeah. And I am giving up on you.
In my -year career,
I have never had to say this, but...
The dance is not in you, sir.
Wh-what are you saying?
I'm saying I don't have enough insurance.
Please. Don't come back.
All right, everybody, good class.
I'll see almost everybody here next week.
You were very good. You were very good!
You sucked!
I know.
Cheryl, let's face it, I just can't dance.
I never could.
No, you know what? It's my fault.
I shouldn't have made you do it.
It is, kind of. I mean, you knew. I told you.
What?
Nothing.
I just miss my dad.
You know, when I was little, he used to...
He used to put my feet on top of his, and then,
he'd dance me around and around
and around and...
I felt like I was flying.
I just thought that...
(SIGHS)
Doesn't matter.
(JAZZY MUSIC PLAYING)
What are you doing?
We're gonna dance.
Oh, Jim.
Can't you at least wait for the feeling
to come back into my feet?
Oh, my God! Jim!
You can dance!
Oh!
Oh!
How are you doing this?
Very, very well.
No, no, I mean...
How did this happen?
Well, I might have taken a lesson or two.
What? When?
Well, until puberty made it impossible.
All this time...
All those weddings and parties,
we could have been dancing.
Mmm-hmm. That's exactly why I didn't tell you.
I don't get it.
Well, Cheryl, think of it this way.
Let's say you knew that I was Superman.
Right.
Well, you'd have me taking cats out of trees
and stopping crime and cooking your eggs
with my heat vision.
And you know what?
I don't want to do that.
I just want to sit in my Fortress of Solitude
and watch TV.
Well, then...
Why tell me now?
Well...
Dana's not the only one missing her father.
Oh.
Ohh...
I get... I totally get it.
You don't want this to be a regular thing.
That's right.
I get it.
But there is this charity ball coming up...
No, Cheryl.
But it's a good cause. It's the girls' school.
No!
How about my birthday?
No!
(GASPS)
Are you telling me you're not gonna dance with me
on my birthday?
All right.
But just the two of us
in our living room.
I'd love it.
But instead of the living room,
let's go to a dance club.
Damn you, woman!
Is there anything else you can do
that you're not telling me?
Not that I can think of.
Hmm...
Can you cook? No!
Absolutely not.
Although your spaghetti can use a pinch more basil.
Or chocolate. I don't know.
Or do I?