(Grunting)
(Panting)
(Grunts)
♪♪♪
Oh! I hope this iswhat I think it is.
Cuties gone crazy --the movie.
Ooh! It is! It iswhat I think it is!
Ha ha ha! Boobies.
You know what I loveabout these films?
You always think that
That girl is so sweet,she'll never show 'em.
Then something magical happens,and she does.
Yep, my college buddy stevesent me this,
And he says the hottest chickhe's ever seen is on this thing.
Cuties gone crazy:spring break florida --
Solid installment.
Best you can doon american soil, anyway.
International waters--
That's wherethe real action is.
Wait a minute.you've seen this one already?
I've seen them all.how far in is she? He said minutes.
Minutes, huh?yeah, I haven't seen her.
Don't judge me.
Aren't you even a little curiousabout what's going on in there?
There's three men in there,
And the kidsare out of the house.
They're either lighting fartsor watching p*rn.
What if cheryl and danacome in?
Oh, come on, doc.this is not the first time
Andy and I have enjoyedsophisticated erotica.
We have a system.and go.
I got the lookout. I hit the input button.it goes right to espn.
If they come in,code word is whirlybird.
Repeat, whirlybird.come back.
Whirlybird. (Clicks tongue)
Doc, he said, come back.
Whirlybird.
Andy,we are go for boobies.
(Laughs)
Don't watch me.
Ugh. Well, you may not care,but I do.
I'm taking a peek.
(All) nice.
Oh, my god. Cheryl, they'rewatching cuties gone crazy.
They're watching what?
Cuties gone crazy. They'regonna see us flash the camera.
Oh, no! Oh, oh, oh.
Okay. Okay, you know what?you know what?
Calm down. Calm down.
There are,like, of those.
I mean,wh--what are the odds
That they're watchingfort lauderdale? Yeah.
(Man) so, amber, how do youlike fort lauderdale?
Crap! Crap! Oh, sh**t! Oh, we're dead!we're dead! We're dead!
We're dead! We're dead! No!
I don't want my husbandto see me topless.
You know what I mean. All right.(Clears throat)
You know what? They obviouslyhaven't seen us yet...
(Quietly) okay. So you are gonnafollow my lead, okay?
Okay. We'll getthrough this together.
Okay. (Whispers) okay.
So, margo,how old are you?
(Margo) .
(Men) damn, girl.
What the hellare you watching?
Whirlybird!whirlybird!
We're watchingsome, uh, espn, baby.
Come on. You knowhow much I love, uh...
Men's figure skating.
Oh, what the hell? What am itrying to hide anything for?
We're watching drunk girlstake their tops off.
Oh, you know what?no, no, no. Off. Turn it off! Come on, come on, come on.
Jim, off! Sit down and watch it.have a good--
Oh, my god!i'm having my baby! What?! What?!
Eventually, and I don't wantour unborn child
To see this filth.
Turn it off! No, no, let these girlspump up the tires.
You can stillride the bike.
You know what?no. I want it off. (Dana) jim, just turn it off.
Get away from me, cheryl. No, I want it off.i want it off.
(Andy) easy. Hey, there, gorgeous.what's your name?
(Crowd cheering) dana!
(Men) oh... My... God.
You having a good time,dana?
No. No, I'm not.
You took off your top
In a cuties gone crazy video?
Yeah, i...
I told you about that.
Didn't i?
No, dana, you didn't.
You said you couldroller-skate and bake.
But drunken bar-flashernever came up.
All right,all right.
All right, doc.doc, easy. Easy ?
Easy...like dana on spring break. (Cheryl) oh.
Jim. You know what?i'm out of here.
I'm sorry. I'm trying.no, doc, come on. No, come on, man. Hey, hey, hey!come on, man. Come on, huh?
Hey, we paused itbefore we saw boobs,
So no one has to goto hell or anything.
Yeah. Come on, ryan,it was years ago.
We all do stupid things.
I mean, what were you doingright out of school?
I was in africa, working withdoctors without borders
Vaccinating orphans.
Ooh, well,
So if they had parents,you wouldn't vaccinate 'em?
Pfft.that's kinda messed up.
All I didwas lift my shirt up.
Hey, hey, hey.come on, ryan.
This happenedbefore you even knew her. Yeah.
You're just gonnahave to get over it.
Get over it ? Yeah.
If cheryl had done this,you wouldn't get over it.
You'd go ballistic. Ballistic? Not jim.
Yeah, and besides,it wasn't cheryl. It was dana.
Just dana.
Right.
So, uh, so, doc,lighten up a little bit.
Look, her big secretis out now.
The best we can do is watch itand make fun of her. Come on.
No! I mean, no,we--we should eat.
Let's allgo in the kitchen.
Ooh, I'm hungry. No, no, no, no, no.you know what, cheryl?
They already knowi'm on it,
So why don't we alljust sit down
And watchthe whole thing?
You know what?what the hell?
This is gonna haunt me foreverif we don't see it,
So let's see it.
Yeah, way to man up, ryan.love that. I'm proud of you.
(Ryan) thank you. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,whoa, whoa, whoa.
I-i-i-i--i'm gonnakeep my eyes closed.
Tell me whenthe next hottie comes up. Come on, andy.how bad can it be?
(Man) do it. (Dana) ...having a drunk time.
But I'm really, really great.
(Man) well,you know who we are,
And you knowwhat we want, right? (Cheering)
Come on, dana!let's see 'em! What?
Let's see 'em, dana! No, I don't think so!
(Crowd chanting)do it! Do it! Do it! I don't think so.
Dana, come on.
You have a fantastic body.share it with us. Get lost!
Dana, I'll give youa free t-shirt. All right.
(Cheering)
Buy one, get one free!yeah!
Cheryl did it, too.
(Gasps) what?!
Thanks a lot! Oh, it's every manfor himself.
Come on, play the video. Sheflashed him right after I did.
What?!
Both my sisters?!
Sorry, pop.
This must be like getting hitby that bus all over again.
Wait, wait. You're telling meyou flashed yourself
Into a bar roomfull of people?!
Dana did it first.i felt a lot of peer pressure.
Pressure ? Cheryl, pressure?pressure? You're on film now.
You're--you're on video.the whole world's gonna see it.
Easy, jim. You're justgonna have to get over it.
Don't go throwingmy words back at me.
If I wanted my advice,
I'd listen to myselfwhen I talk.
I thought it wasn'tthat big a deal.
Well, it's notthat big of a deal.
I mean, come on,we were all young, right?
We all make stupid mistakeswhen we're young.
I mean, I know I did. Right.
I mean, I did a reallystupid thing in college.
I actually shaved my initialsinto a shetland pony.
Yeah. It's like that, jim.it's like the pony.
Yeah. (Laughs)come on.
I like that my girl hada wild time when she was young. (Cheryl) yeah.
You had a little wild streak.don't see it anymore.
(Laughs) all right. Why don't wejust watch it and have some fun?
But th-then,let me leave first.
All right?i'm done with smut.
I'm gonna go home, get ridof my entire p*rn collection.
It's no funwhen you think of girls
As peoplewith lives and families.
Thanks a lot, skanks!
All right.back to boobiefest. (Sighs)
And who's this lovely lady? Hi, I'm cheryl.
Hey, I want to say hito my kids.
Hey, girls! (Laughs) all right, cheryl.
Well, we said hi to your girls.how about we say hi to yours?
My girls? Yeah.
Oh, what the hell?
Oh, I'm sorry. Are you gonnahave to beep that out?
No, we're fine.let's see the girls.
Okey-dokey!
Wait a second.
Girls ?
Your wedding ring is on.
You did thiswhen you were married to me?!
At leasti was a single skank.
Okey-dokey! (Vcr whirs)
Okey-dokey! (Vcr whirs)
Okey-dokey! (Vcr whirs)
Okey-dokey! (Vcr whirs)
Okey-dokey!
Jim,why are you watching this?
Well, I keep thinking
That this girl is so sweet,
She's not gonna show 'em...
And then something horriblehappens, and she does.
(Vcr whirs) all right. Y-you know what?just turn it off.
The steaks are ready.
Cheryl, I think you'llbe able to tell how mad I am
When I say, I can't eat steak right now.
(Sighs)
Jim.
Honey, it...
It was one night,a long time ago.
Oh. Ugh.
(Sighs)
Remember when dana and I
Went to floridato visit my mother?
Oh, my god.your mother's in this tape?
No! She watched the girls,and dana and I went out.
You know, i-i had two kids,i was totally overwhelmed.
I needed to go outand blow off some steam.
You didn't blow off steam.you blew off your shirt...
Ugh. Cheryl mabel.
Don't you middle name me,james orenthal!
Who elsehas seen our boobs?
Our boobs ? Yeah.
You know, jim, I'm pretty surethey're my boobs. (Mutters) you know, I mean,
I thought at least,i'd have half of 'em.
I mean, I know it wasn'twritten in the wedding vows,
But I thought I hadexclusive viewing rights.
Oh, would you get offyour high horse?
You drop your pants
And make a fool out of yourselfall the time.
Cheryl, but nobody wantsto see me naked.
I'm punishing those people.
Oh.
Come on. How can you notfeel bad about this?
I mean,what were you thinking?
Aren't youthe least bit sorry? No, I'm not.
What?! The only thingi'm sorry about
Is what I spentthe money they gave me on.
Uh, they--they--they gave you money?
Yeah, and, stupidly,
I spent iton that chair for you.
That chair?
Yes!
My chair?
Yes!
(Grunting)
Huh.
What the hell?
Cheryl? Cheryl?
Hey, honey.
Cheryl, what--what are you--
What's going on here?w-where's all our stuff?
I put it on the lawnwith the chair.
Why'd you do that?
Well, you know howthat chair reminded you
Of the one allegedlystupid thing I did?
Well, I decided to throw outall the things that remind me
Of all the truly stupid stuffyou've done.
Turns out, you've donea lot of stupid stuff.
What? What?the front lawn is filled--
Cheryl, the piano?
What is the piano doingout there?
Well, the only reasonwe had the piano
Is because you convincedmy aunt it was broken.
What was wrong with that? She's deaf!
Cheryl, how did you even get the piano outside?
Anger strength.
Anger? You're angry? Yes.
What are you angry about? Ugh!
I'm notthe okey-dokey girl.
No, you're the jerk!
Wait. Wait a minute.
Cheryl,you cannot be mad at me
For the wayi'm being mad at you.
Oh,now you get to decide
How I can be madat the way you're mad?
Yes...if I heard you correctly.
If not, no! Oh.
Cheryl, cheryl, how did youeven get the stuff
Out of this house?
I know you didn't do it.
If andy helped you,i'm gonna k*ll him.
No, no, no, no, no.don't blame andy.
You brought this on yourself.
Oh, so this is the wayit's gonna be, huh?
Yeah, till you get your headout of your butt.
(Chuckles) that's notgonna happen, blondie.
I happento like the view.
(Scoffs) you know what?
I don't needany of this stuff anyway.
So this is the wayit's gonna be, huh?
Well,it's gonna be this way
Until you grow upand say you're sorry.
Well, I am sorry...
That you thinkthat's ever gonna happen.
Don't judge me.
Something's different.
Did you change your hair?
Very funny.
Your sister's the one that'soverreacting for a change.
Oh, yeah, and you'rebeing so levelheaded.
What? Come on. Tell me.
Ryan--did he get overyou being in the video?
Actually, yeah, he did,
Because I told himthat I made a mistake,
And I was really,really sorry
That he had to find outthe way he did.
Right there, that's it.
That--that's an apology.that's all I need.
An apologyand maybe a slightly bigger tv.
Why can't she apologize?
Why can't she just say, I'm sorry ?
Look, why don't you
Try looking at thisfrom cheryl's point of view?
Okey-dokey.
I'm listenin'.
The truth is...
Come on.
The truth isshe is sorry.
Of course she's sorry.
She was sorry a half an hourafter she did it.
That's why she tookthe money she made,
And she spent iton that chair... For you.
Okay. Can you look at itfrom my point of view?
Do I have to stickmy head up your butt?
My point of view--really simple--
She was the onethat did something wrong,
So no matter how I react,
She's the onethat has to apologize.
(Sighs) if I admitthat you're right,
Will you give me a dealon that swordfish out there?
Take it.i stole it from the church.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.what are you doing?
That belongsout on jackass island.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
I called your deaf auntand apologized.
It's okay.
You apologized to a deaf personon the phone?
Yes, that's whyi talked to her very slowly.
Besides,
An apology is notabout the person getting it.
It's aboutthe person making it.
Very subtle, jim.
Now if you'll excuse me,i'm very tired.
I thinki'm gonna take a nap.
Go ahead, sleep...
If you can...
With that guilty conscienceof yours.
I don't havea guilty conscience.
You're the onewho jumped down my throat!
Because you screwed up, honey.
Okay,that's not even the point.
Yes, it is the point.
Trust me. I've been downthat road many times.
(Scoffs)
Yeah, I've been down
The screwup expresswayso many times,
They've even nameda rest stop after me.
This is your first tripdown that road.
You want to be mad at me
So you don't haveto be mad at yourself.
(Chuckles)i am not mad at myself.
(Scoffs)
(Chuckles) cheryl,
Nobody, and I mean nobody,loves your boobs more than me.
So why didn't you justshow me the tape?
Why'd--nine years have gone by.
What, were you waitingfor the director's cut?
I mean,
Come on, honey.
No.
Well, then--then--then why?
(Sighs)
I should neverhave done it.
(Sighs) I should never have donewhat I did in that bar.
I mean, i...
(Sighs) I wasn'tthinking about you
Or our relationshipor our family.
I just...
Oh, honey.
I feel like a total idiot.
I am so, so sorry.
Don't b*at yourself up.it's no biggie.
Very funny,
But it is a biggie.
It's a pair of biggies.
Oh.
What do you say...
We go upstairsand have some makeup sex?
We don't have a bed.
You know about the bed?
The managerof the nursing home called.
Well...
We can do itoutside on the bed.
Jim,i'm not that kind of girl.
I'll give youa free t-shirt.
Okey-dokey.