(Jim) previouslyon according to jim ...
We came herefor an impartial opinion.
Cheryl,tell ryan he's an ass. Oh, ryan,what did you do?
I agreed to deliver a baby,just like I do every day.
In africa, with me days awayfrom having his child.
Quick, turn on the news.anina harper just had her baby. Oh, my god.
Oh! I'm happy to report
That everything wentaccording to plan,
And mother and childare doing very well. (Man) we interrupt this programfor breaking news.
Civil warhas erupted in djibouti.
Apparently, actressanina harper and her baby
Were able to escapein a private plane,
But not her obstetrician,dr. Ryan gibson.
I am eight and a half monthspregnant,
And my husbandis trapped in a w*r zone!
Dana, while ryan is away,
I want you to movein here with us.
(Bell rings)
Yes?
I'm kind of in the moodfor a grilled cheese sandwich.
How long is this nonsensegonna last?
(Baby wailing)
(Groans)
Cheryl.
Ugh. What?
Those cats are fightingin the alley again.
It's not cats.it's dana's baby.
Right. Tucker.
Tanner...
And he's colicky.
Right.
(Wailing continues)
What's colicky?
Nobody knows,
But it means he's awakeand screaming.
Right.
I'm aboutto get colicky.
Aah! (Groans)
(Whispers) cheryl,i can't get the baby to sleep.
Why are you whispering?get the baby to whisper.
All right. Come on.
Let's give this babysome food.
Why don't you put himin a swing?
That'll calm him down.
We don't have a swing.
I mean at the park.
(Wailing continues)
Aah! What the--
What the--what? What?
Daddy,the baby woke me up.
Oh, okay.
Are you getting me a ponyfor my birthday?
'Cause, you know,i'd ride it to school,
And then you wouldn'thave to take me.
Why are we talkingabout a pony?
Aunt danasaid you wanted to.
Dana.
(Sighs) all right. Come on.
You go to sleep,
And I'll buy youwhatever you want.
I'm naming him cinnamon.
Go... To... Sleep.
I heard you guys talking.are you talking about me?
Why would we be talkingabout you, ruby?
I know.can you believe her?
She's always like this.
Well, we'll finishtalking later.
Ruby, we were nottalking about you.
Come on. Get up hereand go to sleep.
Right now.
(Sighs)
What?!
Come on, guys.i'm gonna miss my bus.
♪♪♪
Oh, poor jim.he's exhausted.
Yeah.go get your camera.
I'll find somethingto stick in his mouth.
Oh. (Tanner crying)
Cats in the alley.cats in the alley.
Honey, it's : .
You gottaget ready for work.
Right. Work... Yeah.
Where I operateheavy machinery.
Oh, my god! Dana.
I didn't realize the snack barwas open so early.
Jim, she's breast-feeding.it's perfectly natural.
Oh, god made boobs
To make women's volleyballmore interesting, not for that.
Don't listen to him, tanner.
Mommy's breastsare not sex objects,
Unless she wants a promotionwhen she goes back to work.
Cheryl, this isnot working for me.
Having this baby in the houseis just not working for me.
I can't get any sleep,this place smells like diapers,
And we haven't had sex forever. Ew!
We had sex two nights ago.
Two nights ago? Forever!
Oh. Oh, jeez.jim, what's the big deal?
I'll tell youwhat the big deal is!
The big deal isi'm so tired,
I don't even knowwhat I'm yelling about!
Honey, maybe you shouldspend a night in a hotel.
Yeah, I'm gonna spend $ . To sleep in a hotel.
$ . ?where are you staying?
They're out there, cheryl.
If you're not allergicto coupons, they're out there.
Honey, i-i don't knowwhat to say.
Babies cry.there is no easy answer.
(Jim) oh, cheryl.
♪ Skiddily-bop, skiddily-bop,beedily-bop-bop ♪
♪ A dooten-dot, a dooten-dot,a dooten-do-dah ♪
Morning all, huh?
Whoa, sister boob. Gross.
Come on, jim.i'm full of pep today.
Let's jog. I am not jogging to work.
No, no, no, to the car.work's, like, miles away.
I'm peppy, not suicidal.
Jim, why don't you stayat andy's tonight?
If jim stays at andy's, we canput tanner's cradle in my room.
It'll be easierwhen he wakes up in the night. (Dana) yeah.
And I can geta good night's rest.
Okay, but you gotta leaveif I get a booty call
From one of m'ladies.
I'll take m'chances.
Switching sides.
(Groans)
Right.here we are, jim.
Here we are.
Yep.
Huh? We got the whole nightahead of us. (Laughs)
There is no limit to the amountof fun we can have.
You know what I like,andy?
Tv.
As do i, my friend,but tonight is special.
Let us pay a visit...
To the cabinetof amusement.
(Electrical humming)
Hmm. Is it a little dim?
(High-pitched whirring)
What suits your fancy,jim? Oh.
Huh, board game? Nay.
Nay, too tame--too tamefor a man of your stature.
A video game, perhaps?
We have first-person sh**t,real-time strategy,
Fantasy--both elf and alien,
Or we can kick it old schoolwith my homeboy frogger.
Um, I think, uh...
I think I like tv.
Are you sure? Huh?check this out.
Give me a c-sharp.
(Humming high note)
(Shelf whooshes)
(Laughs)
Nerf bazooka tag.
Only one rule--
No mercy,
But time-outsfor bathroom breaks.
No, just tv and silence.
All right.
All right?
Really? I just askfor what I want and I get it,
And there's no discussion?
Jim, we're not married.
I'm not cheryl.
Would you care to drive?
Uh, yes. (Laughs) (laughs)
(Tv playing) wow. This is great.
You know, I think the gaysare on to something here.
They are definitelyliving the dream.
Yeah.
You know, apart fromthe whole kissing guys thing.
Yeah, kissing...
Well, this is--this isvery civilized living, andy.
Mm.
You know, cheryl'sprobably sitting over there
Thinking we're actinglike apes when in fact-- boobs.
Nice.
♪ Beedily-bop-bop-bop-bop,diya-dow ♪
♪ Ba-la-lom, ba-la-lom ♪
♪ Beedily-bop-bop-bop-bop,bah-dah-bah-yow ♪
♪ Bow bow ♪
(Both harmonizing)♪ bow bow ♪
(Both laughing)
Ahh, my summer home.
I see the caretakeris keeping it up.
(Tanner wailing)
Oh! I don't wanna come back.
I don't wanna come back,andy, not now, not yet!
I know. I know.
Hey, you can stayanother night at my place,
Unless one of m'ladies-- m'ladies aren't coming over!
Ah, who am I kidding?it's not gonna happen.
Cheryl's not gonna let mestay at your place again.
I know her.she won't be able to take it.
She's gonna miss her man.
♪ Tip-top, beedily-bop,bah-dah-bah-bah ♪
♪ Tip-top, beedily-bop ♪
Hey. I'll, uh,i'll get us some coffee.
Hey, uh, you know, dana'sfeeding the baby in there.
Nah, I'm fine.
(Andy) jeepers!
It looks likea hairless camel.
So... Get a good night's restat andy's?
Oh, great.
Yeah. That good, huh?
No, not that--i mean,it was really just okay.
It was, uh, eh, adequate.(Yawns)
Uh-huh.
How are things here? Fun.
Fun? Yeah.
Good. Yeah,we gave tanner a bath.
Fun! Yeah, I know. Be niceto have you home, though.
Oh, I am so glad to be home. Oh, yeah.
Unless...
Do you think you needanother night?
At andy's?
Uh, I don't know. I mean,do you think it's best?
Well,i think whatever's best,
You know, for youand little baby trexler.
Tanner.
Tanner.
Yeah, I mean, uh, she'sthe important one right now.
Yeah, I really agree,
But she's a boy.
Right.(Inhales sharply)
Well, I guessit's settled then, huh?
Yeah. It's gonna be toughto be apart.
Oh, baby, I know.i know.... Aw.
But it's what's rightfor the family. Yeah, it is.
Yeah, we'll muddle through.our love is strong.
Aw. Mmm.
Mwah.
♪ Deedily-bop-bop-bop,ay-deedily-deedily ♪
(Madness) ♪ our house ♪
♪ In the middle of our street ♪
♪ Our house ♪
♪ In the middle of our ♪
♪ Our house, it has a crowd ♪
♪ There's alwayssomething happening ♪
♪ And it's usually quite loud ♪
♪ Our mum,she's so house proud ♪
♪ Nothing ever slows her down ♪
♪ And a mess is not allowed ♪
♪ Our house ♪
♪ In the middle of our street ♪
♪ Our house ♪
♪ In the middle of our ♪
♪ Our house ♪
♪ In the middle of our street ♪
♪ Our house ♪ ♪ something tells you ♪
♪ In the middle of our ♪ ♪ that you've gotto move away from it ♪
♪ Father gets up late for work ♪
♪ Mother has to iron his shirt ♪
♪ Then she sendsthe kids to school ♪
♪ Sees them offwith a small kiss ♪ ♪ our house ♪
♪ She's the onethey're going to miss ♪
♪ In lots of ways ♪
♪♪♪
Hey. Hey.
How are the kids? Great.
Want some sex? You bet.
♪ Our house,in the middle of our street ♪
♪ Our house ♪
♪ In the middle of our ♪
♪ I remember way back then,when everything was true ♪
♪ And when we would havesuch a very good time ♪
♪ Such a fine time,such a happy time ♪
♪ And I remember how we'd play,simply waste the day away ♪
♪ Then we'd say nothingwould come between us ♪
(Doorbell rings) ♪ skee-dee-bah-bah--bah-bah-dah-dee-dah-dah-dah-do-loo ♪
Hey! Hey. Here's your shirtfor tomorrow.
Oh, thank you. Thank you. You're welcome.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, here.give this to dana.
She wanted to borrowandy's nipple cream. Oh, right.
So... Yeah?
What are yougonna be doing? Oh, we're gonnagive tanner a bath.
We think tonightmight be the night
His umbilical cord falls off. Fun!
I know! Do you want usto save it for you?
Just take a picture. Good night, sweetie. Mwah.
Uh, you don't miss me now,do you?
Oh, honey. I don't miss you.you're right across the street.
All right, as longas you don't miss me. Good night.
Good night.
♪ Dee-bah-dee-bah-dee-bop ♪
(Laughs)
All right, andy.come on. Let's play.
(Grunting)
Andy!
I can't getthe cabinet of amusement open.
I can't help you, jim.
I'm afraid I have plansthis evening.
Why are you dressedlike a pilgrim?
Have you been in a cave?i'm harry potter...
(British accent)and the latest installment
Hits bookstores tonight.
Would you care to join us?
(British accent)man, I'm afraid I can't.
You see, I've had sexwith a woman.
(Normal voice) muggle.
(Normal voice)what? What did you call me?
Yeah. If you don't know,you are one.
Encabination levitosa.
(Electrical humming) all right.i'll catch you later.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,andy. Come on. Come on.
We can play frogger.
Mnh. Do your nerd thing tomorrow.
I did not spend three weekshand-sewing this costume
To be called a nerd.good day, sir.
Andy!
I said good day!
All right. Let's seewhat I'm in the mood for.
(Sighs)
Uhh!
(Making whooshing sounds)
(Imitates sputtering)
(Laughs)
Oh, andy.
What the hell?
Ooh. What the hell?!
It's : in the morning,mister!
Jim, what have you doneto my house?
Oh, my god.my first-person sh**t
Are mixed withmy multiplayer online games.
What--what the hellis wrong with you?
Ooh. What the hell...is wrong with you?! I don't know.
You left me alone here all nightwith my thoughts.
Wha-- usually when that happens,
Cheryl comes downand kicks them out for me.
Okay, okay, okay.
What--what--what--whatare you thinking about?
I don't know. Oh.
Okay. That's it! (Door opens overhead)
Stop messing with my toys! (Darts rattling)
(Grunts)
Stop that!
Stop that right now!
Well, what's going on?!
Why doesn't cheryl miss me?
Oh.
Come on!
This whole thingis about cheryl? Yeah!
Oh, great, jim, but insteadof walking across the street
And havinga conversation with her...
(Laughs) you have destroyedthe precious results
Of a lifetimeof meticulous collecting!
You know what?
I bet the gays are much moresupportive of each other.
(Sighs)
Whoa.
I didn't evensee that com--coming in.
Did you see that? What?
Well, there's a--there'sa banner outside your house
That says, I miss jim.
Really? No!
Oh! Andy! Andy!
Go home!talk to your wife!
(Static)
Oh.
(Computerized male voice)target acquired. Hey.
Begin bombing run. Shh! Shh! No bombs.no bombs.
(Sound of bombs dropping)
Cease fire. Cease fire!
Mayday!
(Tanner wailing)
(Groans)
(Dana) I have a g*n,and I'm not afraid to use it!
Dana, it's me, jim!
I know!
Jim, what are you doing?you woke the baby.
You know what?
I'm sick and tired of hearingabout that stupid baby.
Put a boob in his mouth,and he'll be fine.
Well, honey, can't the samebe said of you?
Don't distract me,cheryl.
Oh.
Our marriage is in trouble,and I'm not like you.
I won't give upwithout a fight.
What?
I know you got the tasteof the sweet life without me,
But I am your husband,
And you're gonna live with mewhether you like it or not!
Honey,our marriage is fine.
Believe me,if there were a problem,
I'd see it way before you.
How would youeven know that?
We don't even share anythinganymore together.
You don't even miss me!
I miss you.
No, you don't.that's not what you said.
You said, go over to andy's.i don't care.
You're worthless to me!
I'm paraphrasing.
Well, I do miss you.
When I said I didn't,
I was practicingrelationship management.
Relationship ma--
You meanyou--you--you lied?
Relationship management.
Jim, I didn't want you tocome home because I missed you.
I wanted you to come homebecause you wanted to.
Cheryl...
I-i tore apartandy's house.
I brokeall of his toys.
Alone with your thoughts,huh?
For hours.
They just kept rollin'and rollin' and rollin'.
Baby, you're home now.you don't have to think anymore.
Did you really miss me?
I really missed you.
What did you miss mostabout me?
Your hot body.
Yes! Awesome!
Yep. I had to wear socksat night 'cause I couldn't tuck
My cold feet upagainst your sexy butt.
Sexy butt, yeah.awesome.
(Chuckles)
Yeah. Let's go to bed.
Yeah, about that, um,
Honey, dana's in our bed.
That's not awesome.
No. You're gonna haveto sleep on the couch.
I'm tired.
Oh, I know, sweetie.
I'll sleep like a baby.
Okay. Good.
I'll sleep like a baby...
As longas you're in the house...
I'm in the house...
You knowi'm in the house...
And you like it.
I do. Lay down.
You know what? Ahh.
I'm gonnatell dana tomorrow
That it's timefor her to go home.
Oh, cheryl. You're gonna kickyour sister out of the house?
For me?
I am.
That's awesome.
(Chuckles)
Did ryan get a flight homefrom africa?
He did.
So she was gonna go tomorrowanyway, right?
Yeah, she was.
So you lied again?
Relationship management.
(Sighs)
Awesome.
(Tanner crying)
Good night, tinker.
(Tanner wailing loudly)
Tucker. Tucker.
Tucker! Trexler!