01x06 - Oh My God

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Dead to Me". Aired: May 3, 2019 - November 17, 2022.*
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Follows two women who tragically lose someone in their lives and find an unexpected friendship emerge.
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01x06 - Oh My God

Post by bunniefuu »

- Such a weird thing that people do.
- What? The whole shrine thing?

They put all this sh*t here.

It's not like this spot
meant anything to Ted.

Well, it was the last place
he got to be alive.

Yeah, I mean, it is the first place
he got to be dead too.

Why is there always a cross?
People always put a cross.

That is so presumptuous to me.
He was not religious.

Well, hey, hey...

- What?
- Maybe you should just leave it there.

Just in case.

In case what?

Uh!

In case non-existent God smites me?

I'm standing next to my dead husband's
shrine on the side of a road.

Trust me, I've been smited.

[THUNDERCLAP]

[APOCALYPTIC MUSIC]

And that's gone.

Sorry.

- [HORN HONKS]
- [JEN] Here comes your boyfriend.

[JUDY] He's not my boyfriend,
we're just hanging out.

He has very healthy boundaries,
which evidently is a real thing

- people can have.
- Nope. Can't. Doesn't happen.

- Does this look like a napkin?
- Nope.

- Hi.
- Hey.

- Hi. Thank you for doing this.
- Of course. Hi.

- It's really cool of you to come.
- Happy to be of service.

[JEN] So, this is where Ted's body
was found.

I guess that's one good use
of the shrine. I can always

find where my husband was mowed down.

Who found him?

Shandy Addams. She was
walking to school.

- A child found him?
- Yeah. She's a classmate of Henry's.

- So she's ten?
- She's nine.

No traffic cams.

No homes in the eye-line.
You said it was about : a.m.?

Yeah. Yeah, it was a.m.

[NICK] No eyewitnesses, I'm guessing?

No. But, I mean, there's got to be some

evidence that the police missed, right?

I mean, like a cigarette butt,
or a piece of the car?

Hmm. I'm sure they did
a thorough search.

Any usable evidence is long gone.

Yeah, well, I don't really know

exactly what the police did
because they won't talk to me.

They have to.

Well, I've...

- kind of been a raging bitch.
- Demanding.

Well, that's fair to say.

- They hate me.
- That's also true.

Okay.

Well, that'll be my first stop then,
Laguna PD.

They're more likely to talk
to another cop.

I mean, I'm sure
they already talked to Shandy,

the girl that found him, right?

You know, she was okay.
She went to school the next day.

How are your kids doing, by the way?

You know, people always ask me that,
and I really appreciate it.

But they're... they're...

surprisingly good.

Yeah. Kids are just resilient.

Your son's been dealing dr*gs.

Oh, my God.

I'm so sorry. I had no idea.
Charles, what the hell are you thinking?

[SCOFFS]

- I was running a small business.
- Excuse me?

Does your small business
have liability insurance?

Because Tucker Tanner drove his Honda
through his mother's greenhouse,

when he was on the dr*gs you sold him.

Is... Is Tucker okay?

Luckily, Tucker's parents were
very understanding,

considering your recent loss.

Of course, you're still
responsible financially.

Oh, my...

What a nice f*cking greenhouse.

So, um...

you had that property out
in Laguna Niguel, didn't you?

The one... How's that going down there?

How's Glenn?

I wouldn't know. He moved to Temecula.

Oh. I'm... I'm sorry.

- I didn't...
- No, I'm much happier now.

Hm... you seem... changed.

- Can I go now?
- You're not going anywhere ever again.

You're dealing dr*gs?

What are you? In the f*cking Mafia?
Excuse me.

What kind of dr*gs are you dealing?

Uppers, downers, hydrocodone, lorazepam.

Lorazepam?

Yeah. [WHISPERS] It's good.

Okay.

All right. Well, um...

obviously, he needs to be punished,

but that was Ted's department,
so I don't... What do we do?

Well, normally,
I would report this to law enforcement.

But given what he's
been through, I won't.

This time.

Thank you.

But I am gonna have to suspend him
for two weeks.

Maybe in that time,
he can get some counseling.

And I know that Pastor Wayne has a group

for troubled teens down at the church.

Well, I mean, he needs to be punished,
not tortured.

It would be helpful to understand
where he got the pills.

Tell her where you got
the pills from, Charlie.

No.

I... I can't.

Thank you for taking me on a ride along.

It's so fascinating
to see how cops solve stuff.

[LAUGHS] No problem.

You know, it's nice to have company.

What do you think it does to a
nine-year-old to find a bloody corpse

by the side of the road?

Um... I'm gonna go with
"scars her for life."

But maybe it becomes a defining moment

that turns her into
an incredibly compassionate adult?

No, I don't think so.

Detective Perez, how can I help you?

Keep in mind
I have less than five minutes.

Hey, former Detective Prager.
This is my friend, Ms. Judy Hale.

I know Ms. Hale.

You do?

It's a long story.
She doesn't have time.

- Nice to see you.
- Hmm.

Your hair looks good.

So, I'm here on behalf of Jen Harding.

I guess you're aware that
she's getting pretty impatient.

I'm sorry. Did you say
"former detective"?

On leave. Santa Ana PD.

Hey, maybe you know Pete Austin,

transferred down here in ,

mustache, kind of...

kind of cold sense of humor?

No.

Okay. Well, I offered to help
Mrs. Harding out and,

you know, maybe liaise with you,
help relay any information.

You know this case
has been open for months.

More help is not what we need.

- You need a lead.
- I do. And I don't have one.

Wow, not one?

[SIGHS] I know Mrs. Harding
would like more information.

But without an eyewitness, CCTV,
or a vehicle, I've got nothing.

Except an angry widow running
around town like a white wine vigilante.

So, former Detective,
honestly, if you want to liaise,

you can tell Mrs. Harding
what the statistics are

of solving a hit-and-run
with no evidence.

What are those statistics exactly?

The Internet's all over the map on that.

About eight percent of them get solved.

Eight percent?

Mmm.

That's very low.

[TOILET FLUSHING]

[CHARLIE] All right.

Here you go. Let me know if you need me
to sh*t in a bowl or something.

You know what? You can lose the
attitude, okay, drug dealer?

- What would your father say?
- Probably nothing, because he's dead.

Well you know what?
That doesn't give you permission

to throw out every single rule
and act like an assh*le.

Okay. You're one to talk.

Okay. You know what? Hey!
I'm not f*cking around right now.

No laptop, no phone, no TV.

That is just the start. Because I can't

think of anything more
creative right now.

- Whatever.
- No, not whatever. Stop. Hey!

The dominoes have fallen, bro.

You pushed them.

And you pushed me,
which was a really bad idea.

I'm not scared of you.

Well, you should be scared of me.

Ooh! Is that beer?
I would love one if there's more.

Actually, this is Charlie's pee.

I don't have anymore, but I'm
sure he could make you some.

Is he on dr*gs?

I don't know,
but he is definitely selling pills.

- No.
- Uh-huh. Yup.

Ted was the good parent
and I'm the f*cking terrible one.

- That's not true. You're a good mom.
- Yeah. And you're a good liar.

It's bad.

I've just...
I've been asleep at the wheel.

How are you supposed to know
what's he's doing?

They're not your pills, right?

No. Oh...

- Look at you!
- Too formal?

Uh... For a class recital, maybe.

That's okay. I've got a strong second.

Okay.

- [BUZZING]
- [JEN] Oh.

What's the verdict?

It's all clean.

Oh, I mean, f*ck!

f*cking... He could've k*lled a kid.

Imagine if he m*rder*d someone.

- I think it would be manslaughter.
- Yeah, but...

It would definitely ruin his life.

And him carrying
around the burden of that?

Ooh, that'd be heavy.

I mean, not to mention
the victim's family.

And he doesn't even give a sh*t.

- What are you gonna do?
- I'm gonna make him give a sh*t.

How?

Well, a good mother
would take him to therapy,

let him talk it out.
But that just takes too long. So...

- I'm gonna scare the sh*t out of him.
- [HENRY] Mom?

- Hmm?
- Is this handsome?

- [JEN] So handsome.
- [JUDY] The handsomest.

[SIGHS] At least there's him.

- He's perfect.
- He is.

[ALL] ♪ I believe the children ♪
♪ Are our future ♪

♪ Teach them well ♪
♪ And let them lead the way ♪

♪ Show them all the beauty ♪
♪ They possess inside ♪

He is by far the best one,
which is not saying a ton.

I know. Thanks.
Definitely got his dad's musical genes.

He should be in the kid's choir
at my church.

Ahh, sure. When I die.

♪ Everybody's searching for a hero ♪

♪ People need someone to look up to ♪

Which one is Shandy Addams?

Oh, she's in the front row,
to the left, there.

[SIGHING] I feel so bad for her.

I know. Her mother named her Shandy.

Mmm. And put her in that dress.

- Sad.
- ♪ I decided long ago ♪

♪ Never to walk in anyone's shadow ♪

♪ If I fail, if I succeed ♪

- [CHRISTOPHER SINGING ALONG]
- ♪ At least I'll live as I believe ♪

♪ No matter what they take from me ♪

♪ They can't take away my dignity ♪

- [CHRISTOPHER] He's so into it.
- So cute.

♪ Because the... ♪

What the hell?

You're doing it wrong,
you stupid idiots.

They just messed up the whole show.

I'm quitting this stupid choir!

Oh, f*ck me.

Unfortunately,
this isn't an isolated incident.

Henry is often quick to anger
when things aren't just so.

Yeah. I just don't know
why nobody told me this was happening?

Oh, I would've.
But Ted was my home contact.

You never updated it.

He was such an involved father...

Yeah. Well, you know,
I'm... doing the best I can.

We all miss him so much.

Thank you, thank you.

Oh, gosh.

What happened to your arm?

I got hit by a bus.

Oh, my God. And that's your only injury?

Yeah.

Well, I ruptured my spleen,
and splintered my coccyx, and...

- perforated my eardrum.
- [JEN] Oh.

Hi, Shandy.

Hi!

You were so great up there.

- You just oozed personality.
- I know.

I wanted to say that I'm sorry
about everything that you went through

with finding Henry's dad.

I bet that was really scary for you.

Are you okay?

Were you by yourself that morning?

Or did you see anything, um... weird?

Yeah, a dead body. It was gross.

Was it?

Yeah, because his leg
was twisted across his body,

and his face was half-on, half-off,
like someone bit it then chewed it,

then spit it back into the head.
Then hit it with a car.

- Oh, that sounds very traumatizing.
- It was awesome.

I went home and drew a picture of it.

But then my mom made me throw it away.

Yeah, because you're morbid.

I'm so sorry.
I told her to stop telling that story.

She is very good with details.

- It's impressive.
- It's upsetting.

Which psychopath is yours?

Oh, Henry. I'm a friend of his mom's.

So, kind of.

- I'm Judy.
- Ally.

I've been meaning to come check in
on Jen. Have they caught the guy?

No.

Uh-uh. Um...

There isn't any evidence to go on, so...

Sorry to hear that.

Yeah. It is a shame.

Okay. So...

let's leave this nice lady alone.

[CLEARS THROAT] Excuse us.

Did you really need to talk to her
that whole time?

[JEN] I don't understand why you stopped

the show and screamed at all those kids.

Mom, all they have to do
is sing the pedal tone.

Everyone wants to show off
and sing the melody.

But not everyone's a natural soprano.

- Mmm. I'm sorry. What's a pedal tone?
- It's literally one note over and over.

They have to learn one note and sing it.

One stupid note.

It's, like, come on!

- Were you singing your part correctly?
- Mommy, please.

- I'm sorry.
- I just want it to sound good.

I don't wanna be blamed
for their mistakes.

But, sweetheart,

the only person that anyone thought
made a mistake today was you.

- I'm sorry.
- It's okay.

I get it. [SCOFFS]

I haven't been the best example.

But you know what?

Mommy's got her hands on the wheel.

Okay?

[SIREN WAILS]

- Just stay in your room. Okay?
- [SIREN STOPS]

[KNOCKING AT DOOR]

Police! Open up!

Charlie Harding!

- Hey.
- [NICK] All right. Here we go.

[NICK] Where's Charlie?

What's going on? Mom?

Yeah? Hi. What's happening here?

Please stay where you are, ma'am.
You, up against the wall. Now!

Hands on the wall, spread your legs.

This is gonna scare the sh*t out of him.

Oh, my God. It scared me.

[JEN] Officer, I don't understand.

The school said
they wouldn't call the authorities.

Well, somebody did.

Charlie here has gotten himself
mixed up in some pretty dangerous sh*t.

Okay. I was just selling to my friends.
I swear.

Before I search you,

are there any sharp objects
in your pockets I should be aware of?

- No.
- No?

Yeah. My lucky pen.

Oh! [MOUTHS] The lucky pen.

Mom, can't you do something?

No, I cannot.

Is this your bag?

- Don't...
- Don't "don't" me, son.

- Oh, my God. You are doing so good.
- Super sexy.

Something in your bag
you don't want me to find, huh?

Some eh... dr*gs, maybe?

You know, some pills?

The f*ck is this?

- [JEN] Jesus Christ!
- [JUDY] Holy sh*t!

What the hell are you doing with a g*n?

Where did you get this g*n, Charlie?

I stole it from Grandma.

- The safety is off.
- Oh, Jesus Christ.

Okay. I'm done playing here. Okay.

- This is way more serious.
- Yeah. Yeah, no, no. No, it's fine.

How long has this been
bouncing around your backpack loaded?

You could have k*lled somebody.

Statistically, yourself.

I... I wasn't gonna use it. I swear.

I just took it in case
something happens.

In case what happened, honey?

I don't know. Something bad.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Honey. Honey!

- I'm sorry.
- No, it's okay.

Let's just call it off, right, guys?

You can do that? I mean...

Yeah, I can, because I'm
a very powerful woman, so...

Somebody could've gotten sh*t.

God, I know.

Nothing more dangerous
than a stupid kid with a g*n.

Are you okay?

It's how it happened.

With my partner, Lucas.

- Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.
- Yeah. Thanks.

Is there anything I can do
to help you... feel better?

- Mmm... I can maybe think of something.
- Mmm!

First, I should probably
get rid of this g*n, though, you know?

- Yeah. Please.
- Immediately and safely.

So, uh, lunch tomorrow?

Yes. I would love that.

- Can you wear that outfit?
- [LAUGHS]

- Because I would also love that.
- Okay. Let me think about it.

- Okay.
- All right.

"In case something bad happens."
I mean, what does that even mean?

I don't know.

Oh, my baby. Why doesn't he feel safe?

It's scary being a kid.

Especially if your dad's taken away

from you in the middle of the night.

Right.

I never knew my dad
and I was a basket case.

Well, I knew my dad
and I was a f*cking peach.

Oh, seriously?

No, I was a total c**t. My mom hated me.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Oh, God! Why did he have to have a g*n?
I f*cking hate g*ns.

- Don't you have one in that safe?
- No, that's Ted's.

- Lorna gave it to him for Christmas.
- No.

- In his stocking.
- No!

Yeah.

- Oh, my God. She loves g*ns.
- I know.

What am I gonna do?

I mean, I should be able to
make him feel protected and...

secure and watched over. I mean,
that's what a good parent does, right?

I think that's what God does for people.

Gives them a sense of security
that there's a higher power.

Even if it is all bullshit.

Is that why you kept that thing?

I didn't feel right throwing it out.

Now you're covering all the bases.

I can use all the help I can get.

They were Ted's pills.

That Charlie was selling.
They were Ted's.

- All of them?
- Yeah.

Do you think maybe he had, like,
a problem?

I honestly don't know. I...

If he did, I didn't see it.

It's just crazy. You can live
in the same house with someone

and have no idea
what they're going through.

[JEN SIGHS]

So Ted took a lot of pills.

He was cheating.

And he goes out running at : a.m.?
Who does that?

I mean, maybe he was depressed and he

threw himself in front of that car.

It's possible.

Hmm?

It was a shitty thing to do
to that family.

Maybe he was filled with pain.

Or guilt.

Hmm.

- Shitty thing to do to that driver.
- Right?

It's far more likely if he was on pills

that he stumbled on the road
when the car was coming.

- Hmm.
- But, you know, um...

every time we're together,
we don't have to talk about Ted.

- Of course.
- [NICK LAUGHS]

I like being with you, Judy.

Uh, it makes me feel good.

It makes me feel good too.

Sorry, but if Ted stumbled, it
wouldn't be the driver's fault, right?

Right.

Are there also cases where

the victim is intoxicated and
stumbles out on the road,

and the driver who hits them gets off?

Sure. If they stop driving.

See, the hit isn't the crime.
The run, that's the crime.

- Right.
- But that doesn't really matter here.

Why not?

'Cause there's no evidence
pointing us to a car.

There's no car pointing us to a person.
So, no car, no crime.

- No car, no crime?
- Mm-hm.

[VOICE ECHOING] No car, no crime.

[WAYNE] So what do you do
when faced with a choice

that could change the destiny
of your entire life?

You make one bad decision
and you spend the rest of your life

digging yourself out of a hole
you didn't even know you were digging.

For the next ten Saturdays,

we are going to discuss
what constitutes a good decision.

["YOU SEXY THING" PLAYING]

[CHRISTOPHER] Work it, work it, work it.
Juice it, juice it.

- Great, Elisa.
- [CHOIR] ♪ I believe in miracles ♪

♪ Where you from ♪

♪ You sacred thing? Sacred thing, you ♪

- ♪ I believe in miracles ♪
- [JEN] There he is.

♪ Since you came along ♪

- ♪ You sacred thing ♪
- Hey. They're pretty great, huh?

- Yeah.
- The choreography is a little dated.

Oh, come on. Mommy, they're fierce.

[CHUCKLES] They're fierce.

Speaking of miracles, my two angels.

Uh, don't get excited.
We're on our way out.

Oh, they're amazing.

Oh, well, maybe somebody wants
to be a Holy Harmonizer.

[HENRY] Really?

I mean, I'm not quite on their level.
But I work hard and I care.

Henry, the group is always
looking for boys.

No. No, no.

- Why? Mom.
- Okay. Not to overstep,

but this would be good for him
and it'd be mean if you didn't let him.

Hmm?

- Can we just try?
- [HENRY] Please? I'll do anything.

Please. Can I at least just try?

Oh... fine.

- [JEN] Godspeed, kid.
- [HENRY] Thank you. Let's go!

♪ Since you came along ♪

- ♪ You sacred thing ♪
- [SIGHS]

[DOORBELL]

[JEN] Ally, hi.

Sorry for dropping by unannounced.

I just had a little chat
with Shandy about

the morning she found Ted's corpse.

Just say body.

- Right.
- [JEN] Yeah.

Sorry.

Shandy has something
she needs to show you.

Hand it over.

She took a little souvenir
from the site of Ted's accident.

And now I have to deal with the fact
that my child's a sociopath.

What is that?

[ALLY] I think it's maybe
from a headlight.

Maybe.

[EXHALES]

Maybe it'll help lead the police
to the car that did it?

Oh, my God.

[ALLY] I'm so sorry.

- It was stuck to Mr. Harding's cadaver.
- [ALLY] Body!

[HEARTBEAT]

Thank you.

- If you ever wanna grab a coffee or...
- No.

[JUDY, UNDER HER BREATH]
No car, no crime. No car, no crime.

[DOG BARKING]

[JUDY GASPS]

My God...
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