02x02 - Where Have You Been

[bunniefuu]

Hi, Ben.

Hey.

Who the f*ck is Ben?

Um... I'm the f*ck is Ben.

What?

Jen, this is Steve's brother.

What the f*ck, Steve has a twin brother?

- He does.
- He do.

Steve has an identical twin brother?

- They're not identical.
- We're not actually identical.

- We're semi-identical.
- Semi-identical.

Oh, you're semi-identical.

Yeah, so two sperm, one egg.

Like a double yolk,
only the sperm is the yolk.

Does that make sense?

Am I dead? Did I die?

I don't think so.
I mean, unless we're all dead.

Nobody's dead. No. We're not.

Nobody's dead.

Okay.

- Are you all right?
- Mm-hmm.

Hey, hey. You okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

You don't seem fine. You fainted.

And you look a little upset.

That's just my face. I have an upset face.

No, it's a fine face. It's a good face.

- Sorry.
- Yeah.

- Are you all right?
- Yeah. I'm fine.

The fainting could be
a blood pressure thing.

Yeah. Ben's a doctor.

Chiropractor.
And I'm gonna b*at you to the punch.

We are actual doctors,
and we got your back.

Um, have you been under any stress lately?

- Um...
- No, why would I be...

- Nah.
- Like, just the minimal...

- Maybe a smidge.
- ...stuff like political landscape...

- Weight of the world...
- ...global warming.

- Everybody's feeling it.
- Um...

- But no.
- Little bit.

- All good.
- Yeah.

Coolio.

Can I just back up here?
Why are you here?

Oh, right. I'm sorry,
I just barged in, didn't I? Um...

Judy, I tried you.
Steve's missing, and so is his car,

and he usually calls our mom every night,

and she hasn't heard from him
in a few days. Nobody has.

- That's so weird.
- It's so weird.

- He calls his mom every day?
- Yeah, they're very close.

Yeah, he's her favorite.

Someone's got to be the black sheep.
Baa baa!

So, Judy, uh...

I don't wanna freak you out,

but the FBI came by the house today
looking for Steve.

Have you seen him?

Uh...

What did you do?

What do we do?

No.

- Nope.
- Haven't seen him.

I'm sorry, the... the FBI

is looking for Steve?

Like, the American...

FBI?

Yeah, that FBI.

- Why?
- I have no idea.

I mean, honestly, he's been
in trouble before, but not like this.

You know, this isn't him getting
into a fist fight at a Sugar Ray concert.

Well, to be fair,
the guy was there ironically.

That's just so douchey.

- What?
- Sugar Ray's so f*cking douchey.

- They have a couple good songs.
- They don't. Name one.

He's a journalist now.

Mom.

Honey. Hi, babe.

Can you just get your bowl,
get your cereal,

let's, you know what I mean,
start the process of the morning?

Okay. Uh, hi.

- Hey, bud.
- Well, this is my friend Ben.

I didn't know you had other friends.

- Oh.
- Sweetheart.

I'm worried.
Dad didn't come to my window this morning.

He didn't? I'm sure it's fine.
I'm sure he's just busy being a bird.

What the frig?

- What?
- Okay.

My dad just texted
saying they raided Steve's office.

What?

I got to go.

Um, he's wigging out. I have to go.

Thank you.

Bye.

Wait, the FBI is looking for Steve?
The f*cking FBI.

Why?

- I think that might be on me, actually.
- Huh? What are you talking about?

I turned Steve in for money laundering
last week.

You what? You did what?

- I know. It's a lot to process.
- Oh, my God.

How can you be just telling me this now?

Oh, and he has a f*cking identical twin?

You didn't feel like you should have
mentioned that before?

- Well, they're semi-identical.
- Oh, stop!

They're the f*cking same person!

Okay. There was a lot going on, all right?

You and I weren't exactly talking
when I turned Steve in.

Then you did what you had
to do. I had to help you hide the body.

- What are you doing? I liked that one.
- Shut up!

Okay.

Do you even know how f*cked I am?

I mean, if it wasn't bad before, it's...

The FBI?

I mean, they're good
at connecting dots, Judy,

- and we are the f*cking dots.
- No, we are not the dots.

Steve's business is the dots.

That's all the FBI cares about.

They're actually really nice.
I've been cooperating with them.

What? You... I'm sorry...

Oh, my God.

Steve was right.

Wherever you go, f*cking chaos follows.

I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry. Please.
I didn't mean to drag you into this mess.

- I'm sorry.
- Can you please just stop saying sorry?

You say sorry so much,
it doesn't mean anything anymore.

It's just like this f*cking sound
that comes out of your mouth.

Okay, sorry.

What's gonna happen to my boys, Judy?

If I get caught...

...what's gonna happen to them?

They're gonna be orphans.

- No.
- Yes.

They'll be all alone, Judy.

No, I won't let that happen.
I will be there for them.

You? Oh, God.

You think I'm gonna leave my kids to you?

You were just sleeping
in a car ten hours ago.

You might have the worst judgment
of anyone that I have ever met.

I can help us out of this.

I can go to the FBI
and steer 'em in a different direction.

No.

You do not talk to the FBI.

You don't steer anything.

Just stay the f*ck out of it.

Mexico?

Yeah. I was thinking about it,
and I remembered

that Steve always said that
if he ever got in real trouble,

that he would just go down to Mexico,

get a new identity and, like,
go away forever.

- A new identity?
- Yeah, right?

There's somewhere your family used
to vacation. He always talked about it.

I mean, we used to go to Rosarito.

Rosarito!

Hey, girl.

- Hey, Ben.
- Hey.

- Hey, girl.
- No word from Steve, huh?

No. Weird, right, girl?

Super weird.

What is going on?
Because the FBI guys were really rude.

They took all of the computers
and didn't even want water.

Girl, that is rude.

- Right, girl?
- Girl.

Oh, my God.

Steve, what did you do?

I don't care
if the condo is carpeted, Janice.

Just sell it.

Look who made the cover
of Over Asking, Jennifer.

Wow, look at you.

Do you know how long I've worked
for this moment?

Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were gonna
go through...

- Thirty-six years.
- Thirty-six years.

Um, well, that's quite the feather
in your cap.

Am I picking up on a little jealousy?

That's not what I'm putting down.
Oh, I was drinking that.

Well, congratulations.

It is well-deserved.

As my Aunt Trista used to say,

"Success and passion are two sides
of the same coin.

Use the coin, and dreams fly.

Lose the coin, and..."

Oh, can't remember.
But it's all in the article.

Oh, great. I really can't wait to dig in.

Lorna, I need to ask you something.
It's...

- It's, uh, it's about the boys.
- Oh.

- I'm all ears.
- Okay.

Okay, um...

In the event that something may happen
to me,

I was wondering if, um...

if you would be the boys' legal guardian.

How long do you have?

What? No, I'm not sick.

You don't have to be brave with me,
you're family.

No, really.

No, I'm just...

I'm redoing my will.

Just thought, since Ted, that I...

I should update some stuff.

Of course. That's wise.

Yeah.

Raising Ted was the great honor
of my life.

It would be my privilege
to raise those boys.

Okay.

- Still, I'd get some blood work done.
- Hmm?

You're looking a little brittle.

- Thank you.
- How's your sleep?

Well, it could be better.

Hmm. Well.

It says to take one, but you can take two.

- You'll sleep like a baby.
- Okay.

- This is fentanyl, Lorna.
- Huh?

How did you even get this?

I truly can't remember.

Well, must be good sh*t, then.

Friggin' Steve.

Didn't make enough money as a lawyer,

he had to steal,
or whatever the heck money laundering is.

Yeah, I'm not really sure.

I mean, I do know that it has something
to do with his art gallery.

What?

He told us he opened that
to sell your paintings.

Yeah, that's what he told me, too, but...

it's really just a front.

I'll probably never see
those paintings again.

Can I just say that...

...I'm glad you guys broke up.

I mean, it would've been great
to have you in the family,

but he doesn't deserve you.

You're much better off without him.

Oh, Judy. I know.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be a jerk.

Oh, God.

You know I love him.

- Yeah.
- I know you do, too.

Yeah.

Oh, Ben, I have to tell you something.

Okay.

I'm the one that turned Steve in
to the police.

W... What? Why?

I don't know. I mean, at the time,
it seemed like a really good idea,

but I regret it now.

I really do.

Um...

Wow.

I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry.

No, you did the right thing.

He brought this on himself.

You don't feel bad for one second.

He's always been so good at everything.

Except for doing the right thing.

Which, ironically,
is usually the easiest thing to do.

Do you mind if I keep this?

What is it?

It's from a trip that Steve and I took
to the Petrified Forest.

When I got pregnant for the first time.

Hey, Jude, I...

I'm so sorry that didn't work out for you.

I really hope you get
another chance at that.

Thanks.

Wait, the Petrified Forest?

I thought you weren't supposed
to take rocks from there.

Yeah, there are multiple signs.

- Friggin' Steve.
- Yeah.

♪ May the good Lord be with you
Down every road your roam ♪

♪ And may sunshine and happiness
Surround you when you're far from home ♪

♪ And may you grow to be proud... ♪

Jen, hey.

- Oh, hi.
- We're looking for one more Harmommy

to run the beach cleanup next Friday.
Can I sign you up?

I'm busy Friday.

Okay, well, just looking ahead, you know,

we need volunteers
for the Easter Lamb Jam,

which is a tentative title.

Tia is pushing it, but I'm like,
does it work too well?

Hmm. It doesn't.

Uh, Easter's a little far off, and...

Yeah, I don't know if I'll be around.

I know you have a lot on your plate
being a single mom now,

but we need to get our ducks in a row...

Okay, I said I don't f*cking know
if I'll be able to.

Okay.

Gotcha.

♪ Build a stairway to heaven with a prince
Or a vagabond ♪

♪ And may you never love in vain... ♪

Hi.

Hi.

Hey, I wanted to ask you,
is your brother Sean still a lawyer?

Why? Don't tell me, the cops are finally
suing you for harassment?

No. No, I'm redoing my will.

Oh, well,
he's a criminal defense attorney.

I'll take his number.

All right.

Hey, are you okay?
You seem vulnerable.

It's a strange color on you.

No, I am...

I just haven't been sleeping.

Well, somebody has,

but they are up now.

Well, hello.

- This is Adele.
- Mm-hmm.

Alan and I just got her.

How shmooshy is she?

She's so shmooshy.

- Yeah.
- You and Alan got a dog together, huh?

- You've been dating a month.
- I know.

We're a lesbian stereotype,

but there's no speed limit
on the highway of love.

Gross.

Hold her.

- Trust me.
- No, it's okay.

- I'm okay.
- You know you want to.

Oh. Why are you talking like that?

It's me. Adele. It's my voice.

Stupid.

Hi.

Hi, sweet girl.

♪ For... forever young ♪

I'll give you the number of her breeder.

You bought a puppy from a f*cking breeder?

No.

Hey, you know, guys, I was thinking,

you know, we haven't taken
a family vacation in a really long time,

and wouldn't that be fun?

You know, maybe go somewhere, like,

- far away?
- How far?

Oh, I don't know, honey,
like, the mountains, or Canada.

Canada's lame.
It's like the PBS of countries.

No, no. Canada's cool now.

We should be so lucky.

But I can't miss Holy Harmonies rehearsal.

Christopher says that
Jesus never took a day off.

That worked out well for him, didn't it?

Can I practice parallel parking?

No.

Detective Perez. Hi.

- Are you here about my dad?
- Charlie.

You find his k*ller?

We're doing everything we can.
I need to talk to your mom alone.

- Go inside.
- Say what?

It's okay, honey, it's okay.
Everything's fine.

Just go inside.
Sorry, just, ever since his dad...

No, it's okay, he's been through a lot.
It's tough on a kid.

Yeah.

I want to apologize.

Took me a few days,

but here's your copy of
the restraining order against Judy Hale.

Oh.

You should know
that we tried to serve her at work...

I know this is gonna sound nuts,
but we're out of bay leaves. Hi.

- You got to be kidding me.
- Okay, I can explain.

Nice to see you. Did you get highlights?

I did.

I know. I know
this just looks really weird, but, um...

- it was just all a big misunderstanding.
- Yeah.

It was a big misunderstanding about her
hitting your husband with her car?

And you were just in my office
a few days ago

yelling at me to have her arrested,

which if I had the physical evidence,
trust me, I would.

I don't think that I was yelling...

um... but I... I was wrong.

- It was Steve Wood's car.
- It was.

- He was driving.
- He was.

- Judy wasn't even there.
- No, I wasn't.

You told me she confessed.

- Well, I did, but...
- She did.

Are you changing your story?

- Well, I mean, she was taking the blame.
- I was.

- Go inside.
- Okay.

All right, you know what I want to do?

I just want to put this all behind me,
you know?

Forgive, forget. Just super solid.
You get it.

No, I'm so confused.

Unless this has something to do
with the half-million dollar check

that Miss Hale gave you,

which you can't cash
because all of his accounts are frozen.

Steve Wood made her do it.

Did he? Oh.

You know how people drown, Mrs. Harding?

I'm sorry?

They get into water that
they think they can handle.

Then a riptide comes and pulls them
under, and then it's too late.

Oh.

Judy Hale is a riptide,

and Steve Wood is involved
with some very dangerous people,

so if I were you, I'd be very careful.

f*cking, f*cking sh*t.
f*cking, f*cking sh*t.

She's suspicious.

She got real, real coppy with me.

I mean, she is a cop.

No, I know,
but she brought up the f*cking check.

I think she thinks
that you're trying to pay me off.

Pay you off?

Yes, to cover up the fact
that you k*lled my husband.

- Oh, that does make sense.
- Imagine what it looked like to her,

you coming out of the house babbling
about bay leaves.

- By the way, you do have one left.
- I don't f*cking care about that!

Who are these dangerous people?

Okay, this might be good.

I think she's probably talking
about the Greeks.

Like, maybe she thinks that

they're responsible
for Steve disappearing.

I'm sorry, what... what... what Greeks?

Okay, it's complicated,

and I'm not sure
who all the players are...

Just f*cking spit it out, please!

Steve was peripherally involved

with the Greek Mafia. Peripherally.

I'm sorry, that's who he was
laundering money for?

- Yeah.
- The Greek Mafia?

Oh, my God, these words
that are coming out of my mouth

- don't make sense to me.
- They're more of a syndicate...

- Oh, Jesus. Okay.
- ...whatever that is, but look,

we have to stay focused
on the positive.

Nobody knows where Steve is right now,

and as long as he's safe, then we're safe.

Okay, I don't understand how the f*ck
you can be positive right now.

Because what other choice do I have?

Okay, the man I love is dead.

That's why I'm gonna stay focused

on whatever it is
that I need to stay focused on

so that I can get through that. Okay?

Okay.

- I should check on the salmon.
- Go on.

And I, uh, put a pie in the oven.

- You made pie?
- Yeah.

- What kind?
- Cherry, of course. Your favorite.

I'm on a diet.
I gained ten pounds this summer.

- You look beautiful.
- No.

I wish you would love yourself more.

Mmm! Judy, this is so good.

And I only eat, like, seven things.

Thank you.

What'd that cop want earlier?

- Oh.
- The, um...

- The lady... Yeah.
- She actually...

- She wanted to discuss what happened...
- Yeah.

- ...at that intersection yesterday.
- Oh, yeah.

She agrees with me that she thinks that
there should be more stop signs, so...

- That's why she came to our house?
- Yes, that's why she came to the house.

- I'm not stupid.
- No, you are not. You're very smart,

and you should be very proud
of your mother.

She's trying to do something very positive
for the community.

Anybody gonna get the door?

Hello.

Detective Perez.

Man, I thought you were my tacos.

Yeah, sorry to disappoint.

I wanted to tell you that you were right.

About what?

Judy Hale and Steve Wood were responsible
for the Harding hit-and-run,

but there is so much more going on there,
and I could really use some help, if...

- you're interested.
- Wait.

Are you offering me a job right now?

If you pass a psych test

and a breathalyzer.

Why would I want to work with you

or Hastings, for that matter?

That shady r*cist,
is he still chief of police?

He's also a misogynist, but yeah.

Then, no.

But, uh...

Wow.

I did some digging.

Might be something useful in here.

Okay, well, if you change your mind...

Sorry to stop by again.

I was in the neighborhood because
I purposefully came to this neighborhood

to just do this.

Anyhoo.

Anyway.

Uh, found this at my parents.
I believe this is a Judy Hale original.

Oh, my God.

I painted this for your mom, like,
five years ago for Christmas.

You sure I can have it back?

- It wasn't prominently displayed.
- Oh.

- Well, thank you. That's so sweet.
- No, that's very sweet of you.

- We should probably...
- You wanna come in?

I mean, sure.

Great.

Judy, this pie is amazing.

Thanks.

Uh, can I get you some beer or some wine
or something?

Thank you. I don't drink.

How about tea?

Oh, I will get crunk on some chamomile.

Okay.

Hey, Mom, can I go outside
and look for Dad Bird?

It's probably dead.

Hey! Char.
Don't listen to him. Yes, you may.

I'm just being real with him.

Somebody should be.

Come on, bro...

I'm sorry about that. He's...

He's just been going through a lot
since his dad d*ed.

Oh.

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that.

I have a teenager too.

And I know it's not the same thing,
but when his mom and I got a divorce,

he, um... vandalized a Carl's Jr.

That I can get behind.

Hey, um, thank you for inviting me in.

It's nice to be somewhere outside
of my parents' house.

They're just pacing and stressing
and worrying.

- Really?
- Yeah.

And Judy's totally right.
Steve is down in Mexico.

Oh. She told you that?

Yeah, we went to his office together.

Got it.

Yeah. This whole thing was just...

It's peak Steve.

You know, I used to always say,
wherever Steve goes, chaos follows.

- Here's your tea.
- Mmm!

You like extra honey, right?

- Oh, honey me, honey.
- I remembered.

I'm already feeling it.

Mom, I found Dad,

- and he's not okay. Come on!
- What?

Come on.

- Mom, you gotta do something.
- Oh, God, okay. Um...

- I don't know.
- What if I can climb up on the freezer?

- Oh, no, you don't have to...
- Yeah? No?

- I think it's just too low for you.
- Oh.

- What about a ladder?
- Ladder, yes.

- Um, over here.
- Great.

Hang on, little fella.

- Oh, great.
- All right.

Judy's got it.

Come here. Come here, little birdie.

Come on. Ow, ooh, I got you.

I got you.

Hi, friend.

Hi.

Wow, what a beautiful backyard.

Thank you.

Oh, God.

You must live in that pool.

Not really.

I'd die to get in that pool.

You ready?

But what if he never comes back?

I like to think if you love someone,

they're always with you,

no matter where they go.

Okay. I'm ready.

Look. He didn't wanna go.

Well, look at that, he stayed.

Yeah.

Oh, how about that?

Looks like he's not ready to leave
just yet, is he?

Yeah, not yet.

Thank you for handling that.

- How long have you had him?
- Well, um, he's my dad.

It's a good thing you were here.

And he'll continue to be.

I'm glad it's a good thing.

Judy, I...

I'm sorry.

It's okay.

Oh. You're not a dad bird, are you?

You're a mom.

What did you do?

What do we do?