03x03 - On the Ropes

[bunniefuu]

- [PHONE CHIMES]
- Hey, Randall.

I'm just heading out,
so let me call you in a bit.

Gonna play golf with my mom.

Yes, I play golf now.

No, not professionally,
because golf is really hard.

I bet you could be
a professional anything you wanted.

How come I never hear you drive up?

- Is my speaker box broken?
- We need to talk

about you turning down the president.

I have a tee time.

I'll text your mom and explain.

- She'll understand.
- You text with my mom?

We're on a "Chicago Fire" group chat.

Text the big guy's mama.

- What would you like to say?
- Tell her, uh,

Dewey can't make it.

Uh, he needs to meet
with his best friend.

Message sent.

The country is in crisis, he said.

It's a national emergency, he said.

Taft just wants me to save his ass.

I mean, you remember that dirty campaign

he ran against me. Why would I help him?

For the greater good?

Haven't you worked with someone
you don't like before?

- And don't say me.
- Yes, of course I have.

You're under the shade, man.
You don't need all that.

Oh, um, I don't trust
the umbrella fabric.

[PHONE CHIMES] Oh.

Oh. [CHUCKLES] It's your mom.

She texted three middle fingers.

Where is that emoji? [PHONE CHIMES]

- [CHUCKLES]
- Incoming call.

Now she's calling. She always does this.
She texts, and then she calls

before I can even text her back.

Why would you ruin
a golf day with my son?

- I just got a new visor.
- Hey, Mom.

I'm sorry, I got caught up here
with Randall.

It's okay. Go ahead and play our round.

I'll see you soon.

Okay. Well, I'm gonna win, then.

I'm gonna put down that I won.

Technically, you shouldn't
put down that you won,

'cause we have to play the game.

Why don't you go get
something to eat, Ma?

It's all good. I'll see you soon.

Okay. Bye, Dewey.

Randall, why do you have
so much sunscreen on?

Okay, bye. [CHUCKLES]

I love her so much.

You know, it's perfect
that she called, actually,

as we're talking about people
we don't like working with,

because that's become legend
in my family,

like when my mom had to work
with Lars Anderson

at Polynesian Pro Wrestling.

Yeah, I remember
you telling me about that,

how she gave Lars a chance
despite the fact

that she was frustrated
that Lia hired him.

Yeah, that's right. That was in .

And my mom was working
for my grandmother's promotion,

and my dad was wrestling in the WWF.

He and Tony Atlas were the first

Black tag team champions in WWF history.

But their championship run
came to an abrupt end.

And Adrian Adonis pins Rocky Johnson!

One, two, three!

I can't believe it!

The Soul Patrol has lost
the Tag Team Championship.

[BANGING]

Losing the belt
after he went to Saudi Arabia

would have concerned most people,
especially after Vince's "joke"...

Can you do me a favor real quick?

Yeah.

Can you get that Kn*fe out of my back?

- [BOTH CHUCKLE]
- But not my dad.

His weekly paycheck reassured him
that things were just fine.

Surprise, surprise.
You brought a stowaway.

[FUNKY MUSIC]

♪

Mama say, mama sa.

Just picked up these bad boys.

[WITH FRENCH ACCENT] Givenchy, baby.

[WHISTLES]

Now, those are some resplendent
spectacáles, my brother.

- Ooh, yeah. [CHUCKLES]
- Hey!

Eh, let the Sheik try them on.

Come on. Share the sugar.

And let your big melon head
stress the hinges?

- [SCOFFS]
- Not a chance.

Now, why didn't you get me a pair, Rock?

What, we lose our belts and we
don't take care of each other anymore?

When'd we ever buy each other things?

- Probably never.
- Ah.

But I do feel like you owe me something

after you cost us our belts
by pissing off Vince.

Come on, Tone. Vince isn't pissed.

Everything's good.

We weren't gonna keep the belts forever.

And now this sets us up
for an epic comeback.

- [CHUCKLES]
- Ah, come on, Rock.

Sheik, coaster!

[CHAINS JANGLING]

Come on, man.
She's the queen of the jungle.

Show a little respect.

Why is it always staring at me?

Ack, I block you.

Whoa.

- Cool glasses, Dad.
- You like 'em?

You look like a richer Black Elvis.

[LAUGHTER]

That's exactly what I was going for.

Meanwhile, my mom had her hands
full with Polynesian Pro Wrestling.

"WrestleMania" was a huge hit,

and it made wrestling
even more popular in Hawaii.

The only downside was
Lia's new hire, Lars Anderson.

♪

And then the bag rips
at the bottom, right?

And all the barbecued pig feet
just come tumblin' all out

over the lobby of the Hotel Bel-Air.

[CHUCKLES] But Aretha,
she just calmly walks

onto the elevator and leaves
like nothing ever happened.

- She didn't say anything?
- Not a word.

First time anyone's ever
said that about Aretha.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Hi, Lars. Allen was just telling a story

about working for the Queen of Soul.

Little Richard?

- Aretha Franklin.
- Oh.

Hey, there's a cup of dip spit
on the fax machine.

Thanks, Ata.

Mm. He needs to lay off the baby oil.

But hey, how's it been working with Lars
the last couple weeks?

[HIGH-PITCHED VOICE] Yeah, it's good.

But it wasn't good.
As a wrestler, that also meant

the booker, Lars,
immediately crowned himself

PPPW champion.

Give me that. Behold!

Number one! Lars the champion!
[CROWD BOOING]

His abrasive personality
alienated a lot of wrestlers.

Too fat.

The snake too.

And like I said earlier,
my mom was not a fan.

We're gonna bring out
Andre's childhood nanny.

[HORN BLARES]

And his influence over my
grandmother was only growing.

I was thinking of using this
for part of my entrance music.

Oh, Lah, you make me laugh. [GIGGLES]

- [HORN BLARES]
- Wait, who made her laugh?

- The Lord?
- No, Lah.

That's how she pronounced "Lars."

And for my mom, Lah was a problem.

[PHONE RINGING]

Don't answer that.

- Why not?
- It's Afa.

He's still mad at me for bailing
on his match in Saudi Arabia.

So you're just going
to avoid him forever?

Till one of us passes away, yeah.

Great.

Oh, Rocky, today's rent day.

Can you put the check in the box?

No problem. It's payday,
so when the mail comes,

I'll cut the ole bastard a check.

Thanks. And don't say "bastard"
in front of Dewey.

- Please?
- Okay.

[FUNKY MUSIC]

My dad checked the mail for a week.

♪

Nothing.

And what were you up to
during that time?

I wanted a Nintendo.

Oh, yeah? Uh, "Mario Brothers"?

I was more of a "Metroid" guy.

- Love "Metroid."
- Yeah.

What about how you got to the end
and you realize you were a girl?

- [BOTH CHUCKLE]
- It was shocking.

She takes off her space helmet

- for the big reveal.
- Yes. Amazing storytelling.

You know, getting a Nintendo back then

was a real pivotal time in my life.

I was trying to navigate my way
through the ups and downs

of middle school popularity.

It just fits in your hands
really nice and smooth.

ALL: Whoa.

You guys talking eggs?

No, we're talking Nintendo.

What's Nintendo?

[LAUGHTER]

It's only the coolest
video game system ever made.

Guess I haven't had time
to hear about it

since I was at Cyndi Lauper's
party in New York City

with my dad, wrestler Rocky Johnson.

Whoa.

You mean the guy that just lost
the championship belt?

Well, um, this is Cyndi Lauper's bangle.

Sure, Dewey, and this is
Bette Midler's Casio.

- [LAUGHTER]
- Anyways, as I was saying...

So like my mom, I had
my own problems to deal with.

[LINE RINGS]

- Hello.
- Pat! Rocky Johnson here.

Rocky! Hey, now's not a good time.

I got Louis' niece's birthday
and my hands are full here.

Get off the damn phone
and help me with these balloons!

Uh, just a minute, Louis.

Well, I'll make it quick.
I'm missing my paycheck this week.

Wanted to see if you knew
how I could track that down.

- Oh.
- Yeah, that last check I got

had that bonus,
which, by the way, thank you.

- [CHUCKLES] But it's been...
- Rocky, listen, uh...

someone should have called you.

That wasn't a bonus in your last check.

That was severance.

Severance?

The WWF's not renewing your contract.

Vince has decided to move on.

We'll, uh, talk to you soon, eh?

[LINE CLICKS]

- Who was that?
- Uh, Bad News Allen.

[CHUCKLES] What a character.

I know, right? So amazing.

- All these sto...
- Okay, I don't have

any time to explain,
but I need a Nintendo

and I need it yesterday.

Dad, did you hear me?

- Uh, what?
- A Nintendo.

It's a video game system.

You already have a Tatari.

Atari, Mom.
And nobody plays that anymore.

Come on, please!

Hey, you're not getting
another video game.

- Those things are expensive.
- Mm-hmm.

It's not like we made of money.

But I thought we were rich.

Of course we are,
but that's not the point.

Know what? It's about time
you learned it.

Yeah, you want a Nintendo so bad,

- go buy it yourself.
- With what money?

All I have are foreign coins
you bring back from trips.

- So get a job.
- Mom, please. The Nintendo.

I agree with your father.
Jobs build character.

And I saw the Golden Wok is hiring.

Great. I still don't have a Nintendo,
and now I'm learning a lesson.

This went terribly.

[SCOFFS] All right, I'm off to work.

Oh, the landlord left a message
about the rent being late.

You put the check in the box, right?

Yeah, I did do that. Yeah.

Hey, don't worry. I'll connect with him.

Okay.

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

Those babies are -karat gold.

- Mm-hmm.
- With over rhinestones.

Mm. Yeah, these are
fine shades, no question.

I'll give you bucks.

Come on, man, look at the hinges.

They were made in Milan, Italy.

Oh, these are Milanese hinges.

So you've heard? [BOTH CHUCKLE]

I'll give you bucks.

- Fine, weasel.
- All right.

Isn't gonna be enough.

- It's not gonna be near enough.
- Hey, we...

We buy a lot of things, man.

What else you got?

[BELL JINGLES]

Hi. I'd like to apply for a job.

Yeah? Grab a seat. I'll get the manager.

Okay.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

Grandma?

Why didn't you tell me you needed a job?

Uh...

You need work, come to me.

How'd you even know I was coming here?

I have birds all over the city
singing in my ear.

Wait, does this mean
I can come work for PPPW?

I insist on it.

I don't want my grandson working
in this palace of filth.

Disgusting.

Wrap this to go

with some of those little mustards.

So as I got a surprise at work,

my mom was about to have one at home.

Rocky?

- Now, before you ask...
- [GASPS]

I paid the rent.

What have you done to your hair?

- You like it?
- You look like Grace Jones.

- Oh, is that a yes?
- No! It's a no.

- Why did you do this?
- It's my new persona.

I was sensing Rocky Johnson
just wasn't poppin' anymore,

so I figured it was time for a change.

Ladies and gentlemen, say hello
to Big Papa Daddy.

[CHUCKLES]

Yeah, gonna send a photo
to Vince, see what he thinks.

So where is our coffee table?

Oh, it's, um, at the furniture store

- getting polished.
- Rocky, what's going on?

The furniture? Your hair?

No spin. Tell me the truth.

But I-I am tell...

I pawned the furniture to pay rent

because Pat says I'm done at the WWF.

- What?
- The whole Saudi Arabia thing,

Vince isn't lettin' it go.

So he didn't renew my contract.

I was waiting
for the right time to tell you,

but I-I just thought
maybe if I changed things up

- that Vince would...
- Take you back?

Oh, Rocky.

- You're not mad at me?
- Mad at you?

Rocky, you and me are a team.

What happens to you happens to me.

And if you're out at the WWF,

then that's their loss and PPPW's gain.

I'm gonna set up a meeting with my mom

so we can talk about you
wrestling in Hawaii full-time.

- Really?
- Yes.

This is why we have a family business...

To take care of family.

And honestly, I wouldn't mind
having you by my side

as I deal
with this whole Lars situation.

I love you.

Ooh, I'm gonna need a minute
to get used to the hair.

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

[DOOR CLICKS OPEN]

There he is, the working man.

Hi, Dewey. How's the job going?

- Boring.
- Sounds like work to me.

♪

Uh, Mom, I thought you said
this was a private meeting.

It's work-related, isn't it?

Lah is part of the business. He stays.

Nice boots.

Where's the rodeo?

Nice outfit.

If you need some pants,
I can loan you some.

Oh, I only buy pants
from one man: Calvin Klein.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

[SIGHS] Now, what did you
want to talk to me about?

Uh, the WWF didn't renew my contract.

Saudi Arabia. [TSK-TSKING]

So I was thinking we could bring Rocky
into PPPW full-time.

He's a huge draw in Hawaii,

and I think he could generate
more ticket sales

and improve our TV ratings.

I think that's a great idea.

- [LAUGHS] Amazing.
- Really appreciate this, Lia.

[CLEARS THROAT]

- Yes, Lah?
- Playing devil's advocate,

it's a bit of a conflict of interest,

isn't it, a wife hiring a husband?

No more of conflict
than a booker booking himself

- as the headliner.
- Yeah, there's no conflict

putting a WWF champ in the ring.

Former champ.
There's only one champ in this room.

- That's me.
- [CHUCKLES]

Does it count if you put
the belt on yourself?

Who cares? Least I still got the belt.

What do you got?

I got the ability to b*at your ass.

Please.

You couldn't b*at an old lady

to the line at a seafood buffet.

Well, I don't eat seafood,
so that's irrelevant.

Enough!

Rocky comes back full-time.

But the three of you need
to find a way to get along.

[ROCK MUSIC]

That Lars is something else.

Yeah, he was a lot to deal with.

But, you know, I learned
a little bit from him too.

I hope it wasn't his fashion sense.

No, that only worked for him
and Donald Duck.

- [CHUCKLES]
- I learned that there was

more to Lars than everybody assumed.

I was hard at work at PPPW.

Damn, Dewey, you're
an envelope-sealing machine.

Every envelope I seal
makes me one step closer

to getting the Nintendo.

Son, you work by the hour,
not by the envelope.

- What?
- Hey, do me a favor.

Can you drop these off?

They're receipts.
She's been looking for 'em.

Thanks, bud.

And we switch from Pepper to Pibb.

Pibb, are you sure?

We stand to rake in an extra %.

So Lars did have some business sense.

He did. And some common sense too.

[CLEARS THROAT]

- Is there anything else?
- It's Rocky.

I still don't think it's a good idea.

Rocky is one of us, Lah.

Look, I get why you're bailing him out.

His gold is gone. His jewels are gone.

Clearly he has
some sort of money trouble.

But be careful.

I have a feeling he's selling something

people are tired of buying.

[OMINOUS MUSIC]

Rocky "Soulman" Johnson
making his triumphant return

to Polynesian Pacific Pro Wrestling.

Great to be working
with you again, Rock.

How you want to take us home?

- Dropkick. [GRUNTS]
- [GROANS]

Uh, sh**t off the ropes, sunset flip...

[HORN BLARES]

The hell is that?

[GRUNTS] Here we go.

[EXHALES HEAVILY] What's happening?

Welcome to wrestling for Lars Anderson.

[CROWD CLAMORING]

Boo? No boo! Oh, shut up.

Get out of here.

What the hell are you doing, man?

- This is my return match.
- Change of plans.

My dad was pissed, but he was a pro,

and he sold for Lars.

Aah!

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

[GROANS] [CROWD BOOING]

years in this business,

I ain't never been more disrespected.

Now you see what I'm dealing with.

Hey, Swiss Miss.

What the hell was that?

Rocky, you sound upset. What's wrong?

Don't mess with me, Lars.
This was my return match,

and you took all the shine for yourself.

Disagree.

Me crashing your match had
the fans poppin' like crazy.

Tonight wasn't about you, Lars.

- It was about Rocky.
- See, that's where

I get confused,
'cause the last time I checked,

I was the booker and I call the sh*ts.

No. We're equals.

Well, if we're equals,
then my back is aching

from carrying you night after night.

Now, if you excuse me,

I'm gonna get my post-show bratwurst.

- What do we do?
- We can't go on like this.

We need to talk to my mom.

While my parents were dealing

with their frustration with Lars,

I was wondering
if what I overheard him say

about my dad was true.

Does my dad look... different to you?

Oh, the hair? Yeah, it's rough stuff.

[CHUCKLES]

Hey, Dad, where's your sunglasses?

Oh, um, just getting them cleaned, son.

Gotta keep them rhinestones shining.

Could you go grab my bag for me, Dew?

[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC]

[INDISTINCT WHISPERING]

♪

Now I knew what happened
to my dad's glasses.

Should we order
the calamari for the table?

Maybe two orders.
I only eat the ones with legs.

- Tentacles, Mom.
- How come Dewey isn't here?

Because we wanted to talk
to you about something,

just us adults.

- Divorce.
- No.

- It's about Lars.
- Lah?

You saw how he was
at Saturday's match...

Going off script,

stealing the spotlight from Rocky.

He's becoming very difficult
to work with.

And it's not just me.
The other guys think so too.

- Mm, Lah can be a lot.
- Exactly,

which is what we wanted
to talk to you about.

Look, me and the guys,
we all loved wrestling for PPPW

because it felt like a family business.

Lars changed that.
It's just not the same.

What we're saying is,
we can't work with him anymore.

Either Lars goes, or we go.

You are right.
PPPW is a family business.

But it's also my business.
And business is good.

- And Lah is part of that.
- Is he, though, Ma?

We were doing fine without him.

But we are doing better with him.

Our profits have increased
ever since he joined.

He has a good business sense.

We went from Pepper to Pibb,
and that's money in my pocket.

That's good business. That's Lah.

And Lah stays.

- Then we're leaving.
- Oh, stop being silly.

I'm serious, Mom.

We're leaving, and we're starting

our own wrestling promotion...

One that resembles what PPPW was

before Lars Anderson
got his hands on it.

[UNEASY MUSIC]

♪

I wish the both of you the best of luck.

And, um, shall we order
some onion rings?

And that's when my mom
left the business.

So she didn't swallow her pride at all

for the greater good; she quit...

Basically the exact opposite

of what I'm telling you to do with Taft.

- Basically, yes.
- Hmm.

Mm, guess I see
where you're coming from.

So what happened
with you and the Nintendo?

Oh, I got a lot of story to tell there.

- Hmm.
- Wow, you are really going

to town on those things, huh?

Mm, sorry, I think I'm dehydrated.

- You want some?
- No, man.

It's just straight-up lap melon.

You've held it in your lap
for minutes now.

- Lap melon?
- Lap melon. You didn't share.

You've only left me
the weird white pieces. No.

It's weird. [BOWL CLATTERS]

And then, once we have a roster,

we can start putting
the wheels in motion,

make this dream a reality.

Look at you, sexy boss lady.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]

Oh, again, the hair.

[DOOR CLICKS OPEN] Oh, hi, honey.

Hi, Mom.

Guess who got paid.

My son, the working man.

Did you get that Nintendo?

Nah, I spent the money
on something else.

Thought you might be missing these.

[TENDER MUSIC]

How did you...

Oh, son, that...

That guy at the pawnshop
was a friend of mine.

He was just holding these for me...

Yeah, totally.

But I thought they look better on you

than they do in a pawnshop.

Wow, son.

Those look better on you
than they do on me.

I was gonna say it
if you weren't gonna say it.

They're actually kind of heavy.

That's because there's rhinestones

on those babies.

, actually. I counted.

There's a gem missing
on the right side by the ear.

Mm. The wear and tear of time.

Buying those glasses
for your dad was a big move.

It wasn't what you wanted,

but it was for the greater good.

Don't do that, Randall.

You can't use my story against me.

[CHUCKLES] Hey, I'm just working

with what you're giving me.

But the current situation's
more complicated than that.

I've already said no.

I'm not gonna go crawling back to Taft.

Why would I do that?

But you've always sacrificed

to help others
and to do the right thing.

Look, what if I buy you a Nintendo?

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

- I'll do it.
- [CHUCKLES]

But only for the good of the country.

Yes.

Get your linen pants out of storage,

'cause we're going to Gjelgjiughm.

Oh, you know what?
I don't like linen on you.

- It bunches.
- Really?

- Yeah.
- I always thought

- I looked good in linen. No?
- No.

- Really?
- No.

I could be your stylist if you'd like.

Nah, I'm good.