06x13 - 9 Lives!/Dread 'n' Breakfast

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Fairly OddParents". Aired: March 30, 2001 – July 26, 2017.*
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Series follows the adventures of Timmy Turner, a 10-year-old boy with two fairy godparents named Cosmo and Wanda who grant him wishes to solve his everyday problems.
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06x13 - 9 Lives!/Dread 'n' Breakfast

Post by bunniefuu »

[Men and women] ♪ timmy is an average kid

♪ That no one understands

♪ Mom and dad and vicky always giving him commands ♪

Bed, twerp!

[Men and women] ♪ the doom and gloom up in his room ♪

♪ Is broken instantly

♪ By his magic little fish who grant his every wish ♪

♪ 'Cause in reality

♪ They are his oddparents

♪ Fairly oddparents

Wands and wings.

Float-y crown-y things.

[Men and women] ♪ oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪

♪ Really mod, pea pod, buff bod, hot rod ♪

Obtuse, rubber goose, green moose, guava juice,

Giant snake, birthday cake, large fries, chocolate shake!

[Men and women] ♪ oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪

♪ It flips your lid when you are the kid ♪

♪ With fairly oddparents

[Vicky] yeah, right.

Another glorious night for fighting crime

And standing heroically silhouetted against the moon

Awaiting a cry for help.

[woman] help! Help! Help!

And there it is!

[Woman] help! Help!

Time for catman to pounce!

Wait, cat's can't fly.

[Screams]

Help!

Crash!

Thanks, catman!

[catman] you're welcome.

[Alarm ringing]

[Tires squealing]

No thief can escape the feline speed

Of the mighty cat-mobile!

Beep!

Beep!

[Engines blasting]

[Tires squealing]

[Engine sputtering]

The cat-mobile doesn't fly either.

Help! Help! Help!

Crash!

Thanks again, catman!

[catman] no sweat!

[Meowing]

Don't worry, frightened friend.

Catman will get you...

Down!

Tall...tree.

Crash![Both scream]

[Snoring]

You're the best, catman!

Dragon, taste the steel sword of sir timmy of dimmsdalia!

You're a knight?

I'm allergic to knights!

[Screaming]

[Sneezes]

[Fire whooshing]

Okay, remind me next time to wish for a dragon

That doesn't breath fire.

[Phone rings, cat meows]

Oh, no. Not the cat-phone again.

Okay, guys, let's do this.

Dr. Turner, thank goodness you're here.

He's broken every bone in his body

And every bone in that old lady's body.

[Both grunting]

Yes, huh, interesting.

I sure wish he was all better

And that the old lady had the arms of a body builder.

Zap!

I'm healed!

Zap!

I'm buff!

Pow!

Anybody else want a piece of me?

[Screams]

Timmy you are the world's finest feline physician ever.

Yeah, and now I'm prescribing that you stop fighting crime,

Stop hurting yourself and old ladies,

Take two aspirin,

And don't call me in the morning.

But I can't stop fighting crime.

I'm catman, feline foe to villains

And old ladies everywhere.

No, you're actor adam west who played catman

In a tv series that was cancelled years ago!

Oh, I know that.

Oh, look! A chair!

[Purring]

Okay, guys, we gotta think of a way to help

Captain crazypants before he seriously gets hurt.

I know: churros!

What made you think of churros?

That's all I ever think about.

Timmy, you can't reason

With a man who's obsessed with cats...or churros.

It just won't work.

I know, and I didn't want it to come to this

But as his doctor, I have no choice.

adam, I've been going over your charts,

And I'm afraid I have some bad news.

Oh, you're not gonna say

The words "spay" or "neuter," are you?

Worse.

You're a cat, and as you know, cats have nine lives,

But according to these detailed test results,

You're down to your last life.

What? It cat-can't be!

It is.

So unless you want to go to that big litter box in the sky,

You have to give up crime fighting...

Forever.

Okay, gotta go. Bye!

Charge!

[Inhaling sharply]

[Sneezes]

[Screams]

What the heck was that?

I'm a churro-breathing dragon!

That is what you wished for, right?

No!

But...cool!

Chomp!

Timmy, don't you think you were a little hard on adam?

What makes you say that?

Look.

This would be easier if I were de-clawed.

Oh, timmy, what will I do if I can't fight crime

And help the people of our great city of dimmsdale?

Oh, I don't know.

Go back to your mansion and read by the pool?

Don't eat that!

What can I do?

I'm lost. I'm lost, I tell you!

Pounce on this.

I'll be right back.

Hmm, just doesn't feel as satisfying somehow.

Okay, what's on the to-wish list today?

Noon to :, we're gonna hang out

At the secret swiss tower ski house.

Then you said you wanted to check out the moons of pluto.

And you promised to get us more churros!

I did?

[Hypnotically] yes, you did.

Well, cancel all wishes for today.

we've gotta help an old crime-fighter

find an exciting new career.

Now, let's roll.

Adam, what would you say

If I could find you a way to help citizens of dimmsdale

As catman without losing that last life?

I'd say, "to the cat-mobile!"

still can't fly.

[Screams]

Ooh, careful, sweetie!

We've been invaded by mice, and I've set traps everywhere.

So I want you to play outside today,

But remember,

Never go anywhere with strange men.

Got it.

Crash!

Oh, honey, I'm home!

[Screaming, mousetraps snapping]

[timmy] okay,

Crime-fighters help people, right?

So what is your favorite thing besides crime-fighting?

Fish. I love fish.

Exactly,

And that's why catman is going to help people learn about fish!

I love it, tim-tim.

I think catman's gonna like this new job a lot.

Okeydokey, mr. West.

Your main responsibility here at ocean world

Will be informing our guests about our conservation program

And making sure no kids tap on the glass

And disturb these endangered species.

Oh, my goodness!

Maybe I didn't think this thing completely through.

[catman] I don't know why I'm in here.

I'm innocent!

[Belches]

You're an actor, not a cat!

And you're my lawyer.

Now, get me outta here.

I can't go in that.

I use a litter box.

He's being held without bail

For eating the last comanche pupfish

And for shredding the backseat in the squad car.

Cloth seats, I couldn't help myself.

Yeah.

I wish the charges against my client were dropped.

[catman] you are the greatest

Lawyer-slash-doctor in the world.

Now, what's plan "b"

For old catman to get back into the "helping people" game?

Oh, and I have to keep the costume.

Game? Costume?

I got it!

[Cheering]

A team mascot?

You sure about this? Think about it.

The fans in the stands need help cheering,

Or their team will lose.

That would be a crime, right?

And who's there to help them? Catman!

Check this out, yo.

♪ We're gonna win, not later but soona ♪

♪ And chew 'em all up like a big can of tuna ♪

Can I get a me-ow?

[All] meow, meow, meow, meow!

Way to go, timmy.

I think you found adam a career where he can help people

And not hurt himself or old ladies.

And look,

here comes the brightburg bluebird's mascot.

Did you say bluebird?

Rah, rah, siss-boom--

[Squeals] [roars]

[mascot] get him off me!

[All gasp]

I'm gonna need my briefcase again.

[Gavel pounds]

I wish my client was not guilty.

I find the defendant not guilty.

Yes!

Oh, I'm not through with you pal.

I don't know how you do it, timmy.

Just tell me a job you want

That doesn't involve crime-fighting, fish, or birds.

I wouldn't mind getting back on the old boob tube.

[audience] wheel...of...cheese!

[catman] and here's your new host:

Me, catman!

This is great.

Adam's back on tv.

He's helping people in need of cash and prizes,

And cats never att*ck or maim cheese!

Now, let's meet our contestants.

They dress as mice?

Bill's a computer programmer from--

[Shrieks, roars]

We might want to poof out of here now

Before the cops get here.

And you should wish up more churros too.

I wish we were home... With churros.

[Mice squeaking, cheering]

Honey, today's rodents are super intelligent.

Mere traps just won't cut it,

Which is why I'm surprised the t*nk didn't work.

It's no use, timmy.

I might as well just curl up into a little cat-ball

And bathe myself with my tongue.

Please don't.

Yummy, churros dipped in our own filth!

They're filth-i-licious.

Dude, you gotta pick up these churros,

Or rodents will infest your house.

[Screams]

Oh, never again will catman pounce

When a citizen in danger cries for help.

[mr. And mrs. Turner] help, rodents!

A cry for help... Regarding rodents!

Are there any cat-themed heroes who can save us?

Catman away!

You can't fly.

Take the stairs.

Right; catman, taking the stairs!

[Both screaming]

Don't worry, scared citizens.

Catman is here to save the day

And capture the verminous villains!

[Action music]

Meow!

[Mice scream]

[Mouse squeaking]

Snap!

[Mice screaming]

Pounce!

[Mice squeaking]

scoop!

scoop, again!

Ta-da!

You're saved,

And I've got dinner... For a week.

Catman, you're our hero!

The way these rats infested our home, it was a crime.

They should call you ratman,

For the way you fought rodents and saved us.

Hero? Crime?

Fight? Help?

Should? Home?

What else did you say?

Um, "way?"

Way! Catman's happy.

Hey, maybe there is a career where catman can help people

And fight crime and not hurt himself.

You want us to fill every house in dimmsdale with churros,

Which will also fill them with rodents, don't you?

Only enough to keep adam busy for the next years.

Ah, churros!

Ah, mice eating churros!

[Man screams]

[Together] help! Somebody, save us!

Timmy, I know you love having me around,

But I must help citizens fight rat-crime!

I will miss you, catman--

No, I won't--now get out there and be a hero again!

Catman, the get-rid-of-your-rat-man,

Away!

Let's do this!

[Engine roaring]

[Catman] still can't fly.

I wish the van could fly.

[Catman] yahoo!

Oh, no, you didn't!

[Engine whooshes, tires squeal]

Awesome! History report done!

[mr. Turner] timmy, time for dinner!

Thanks, guys, and can you clean up the flaming skid marks?

Four score and seven years ago--

Oh, we forgot to drop off abe at gettysburg.

Ugh, I'm starved.

What's for dinner?

Here you go!

Another piping-hot platter of "shoe-loaf."

[Foghorn blows]

Gak!

Don't worry, hon.

In some countries gagging is a compliment.

Um, are we tight on money?

What makes you say that?

We're eating shoes... On the floor,

And there's a hobo in the corner.

[mrs. Turner] jasper, shoo!

I said no more can fires!

I b*rned our table to cook our shoes

Because we're making the best

Of your dad quitting his paying job

To follow his non-paying dream job.

Who needs money when you have dreams,

Like being the sock monkey mogul king?

Cool! Do they talk or have weapons and battle or something?

Eh, no.

They're socks that look like monkeys.

So why would anyone buy them?

Stop torturing me!

Why doesn't anyone believe in my dreams?

Do we have a back-up plan?

Oh, yeah.

But first, eat your shoes.

Ooh, is that shoe-loaf that I smell?

[Laughs] mmm, leather.

Oh, I forgot to drop you off at gettysburg, didn't i?

[Humming, hammer pounding]

"The turner bed and breakfast."

What?

Strangers are gonna stay in our house?

[Laughs]

Not strangers, strangers with money.

Sock monkeys!

Get your sock monkeys here!

Buy one.

I'm not crazy!

[Woman screams]

[Phone rings]

Hello?

Oh, yes, we do have a vacancy.

Great; I'll pay up front, and I'm looking forward

To finding your son's fairy godpar--

I mean... Relaxing by the fire!

[Satellite dish beeps]

I'll show myself in-- fairies!

See, it's just mr. Crocker and his money.

Now, we can afford better shoes to eat.

Hi, you remember me; I'm professor laser

Who's bent on destroying timmy-- I mean--

here are sacks of earth dollars,

and I and my dark troopers are looking forward

To relaxing by the fire.

[Mechanical breathing]

Great!

Timmy will help you with your bags.

Right, sweetheart?

[Screams]

Guys, dark laser and crocker just checked into my house!

I gotta figure out how to protect you and me,

And why do I have a bunk bed in my room?

Hi, lover boy, dream boat!

Tootie, why are you here?

I broke open my piggy bank and gave my money to your mom

And booked one night in the timmy suite.

Kiss me, you fool!

[Screams]

Turner,

I was just enjoying a can fire with jasper the hobo,

but I bet you wish I was gone.

Go ahead.

I dare you.

Then my magic sensors will locate

And capture your fairy godparents!

Gah!

We meet again, timmy turner,

But this time, you will not escape me.

[mr. Turner] not so fast!

All guests at the turner bed and breakfast

Receive a complimentary sock monkey...

for only $..

Cool!

Do they flip or have weapons and battle or something?

Eh, no.

[Sobbing] I am the king!

Now, where was i? Oh, yes.

We meet again, timmy turner--

You know, I always wondered what this button did.

Beep!ugh!

Life raft? Cool!

Bye!

Get him!

No, deflate me first, then get him!

Okay, my three archenemies are staying at my house

For one night, and I need a plan.

We could poof up vicky and really make it a party!

No, no magic.

As long as I don't wish for anything,

Crocker can't locate you guys and catch you.

But you still have to figure out

How to defeat dark laser and avoid tootie's lips of doom.

Which is why I'm going to hide here

For the next hours where nobody can find me.

Timmy, I'm the ninja of love!

I'm going to kiss you now!

Hi-ya!

Time for plan "b"!

[mrs. Turner] timmy, great!

You're just in time to enjoy some cheese and charades.

And death!

No cheese for me,thanks.

Mr. Laser, why don't you go first?

Oh, okay.

Here goes.

You want to buy a sock monkey.

You want to buy all my sock monkeys!

Fairies.

You are a fairy, and I'm capturing you!

Fairies!

You're capturing timmy, throwing him into a bag,

Releasing him into space, destroying the earth,

And then moving on with your life?

That's it!

[Laughing and cheering]

That was fun!

[timmy] no, it wasn't.

Now, let me use these bags of money to buy us some snacks

That aren't shoe-based.

Yeah, and I'll get more sock monkeys

And leave timmy alone with our nice,

Non-threatening guests.

I want that kiss!

I want those fairies!

I want to destroy timmy turner.

[Chattering happily] isn't that right, flipsie?

Now, if your dad's sock monkeys could do that,

Then I'd buy some, now, wouldn't i?

You can run, timmy dreamboat--

But you can't hide!

[Laughing evilly]

[timmy] uh, I'm in the bathroom.

Oh, in the bathroom.

Hmm, we should give him a little privacy.

You win this round, turner.

But I'm not leaving the timmy suite

without that kiss!

Timmy, you can't stay in the bathroom forever.

Believe me, I've tried.

Your butt gets chapped.

Your feet fall asleep, eh.

I've always found honesty the best policy

When dealing with adversity.

Yeah, well, not me, abe.

And I will stay here until bedtime

When everyone's asleep.

Then all I have to do is survive breakfast,

And timmy wins, and psycho guests lose.

Heh-heh.

Now to slip into bed un...

detected.

Hey, what does this button do?

That's my groovy 's house chase music.

Ooh, it's catchy. I like it.

[Screams]

Fairies!

[Women] ♪ hey, we're runnin', runnin' down the staircase ♪

♪ And we're smashin' into each other's face ♪

♪ We're runnin'

Fairies, fairies, fairies, fairies!

[Women] ♪ and we're smashin' to each other's face ♪

[Screams]

[Screaming][laughing]

This is much better than the theater.

[Screams]

[Huffing, grunting]

[Screams]

[Grunting, huffing]

[Mooing]

[Screams]

[Grunting, huffing]

[Screams]

Help, our guests are trying to destroy me!

Good gracious!

Do they want sock monkeys?

Do they want to stay an extra night

And give me even more moola?

[Lasers zapping]

[Screams]

Zap!zap!

We're probably just dreaming!

[Screams]

[Women] ♪ now we're runnin', runnin' through the hallways ♪

Zinkies, doob! Like, keep runnin' man!

[Laughing evilly]

[Women] ♪ and we're chasing timmy through the doorways ♪

I can't make it until breakfast!

I gotta use magic.

But crocker will be able to track the magic back to us

And catch us!

[banging]

[crocker] we're coming for you, turner!

Save us, sock monkeys!

Oh, wait, they don't do anything.

Why don't you flip or have weapons

Or battle or something?

Wait, crocker can't catch you if he can't find you,

And maybe these sock monkeys can do something.

wands up, guys.

I got wishing to do.

My fairy detectors have detected magic,

And it's coming from that pile of sock monkeys!

We have him now.

Aren't you too young for lipstick?

Don't push my buttons, bub, and I won't push yours.

Give up, turner!

I have your...

Sock monkeys?

Where are the fairies?

I want the fairies!

[Lasers zapping]

And now I want to check out!

[Screaming]

[Jet engines f*ring]

Darn!crash!

[Lasers f*ring]

Zap!

Whoa, too far.

Okay, okay, okay.

I surrender to your sock monkey army.

I'll check out.

Beep!

Darn, wrong button.

[Engines blasting]

Awesome! Two down and one to go.

[Yelling and grunting]

Oh, for crying out loud.

If I kiss you, will you go home?

On the lips?

Cheek.

But I can tell my friends it was on the lips.

Fine!

[Grunting]

Night, dreamy timmy.

[Tittering]

So any more wishing, sport?

Yeah, I wish I was in bed.

[abe] four snore and seven years ago, i...

[Snoring]

And I wish abe was back at gettysburg!

[mr. Turner] oh, timmy, breakfast!

Awesome, it's just me, mom and dad, and no evil guests!

That's right, they all checked out sometime last night!

And where are the sock monkeys?

[mrs. Turner] oh, I used them for fuel to cook our not-shoe breakfast!

so enjoy a nice plate of bacon and money, timmy!

And with all that fat cash

We made on the bed and breakfast,

I can now finance my new dream business!

Welcome to turner's family restaurant.

Can I take your order?

We'll take the fried twerp to go!

Yup, that figures.

[mr. Turner] I'm still the king!
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