07x05 - Fly Boy/Temporary Fairy

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ Timmy is an average kid

♪ That no one understands

♪ Mom and dad and vicky always giving him commands ♪

- Bed, twerp!

- ♪ The doom and gloom up in his room ♪

♪ Is broken instantly

♪ By his magic little fish who grant his every wish ♪

♪ 'Cause in reality

♪ They are his oddparents

♪ Fairly oddparents

- Wands and wings.

- Float-y crown-y things.

- ♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪

♪ Really mod, pea pod, buff bod, hot rod ♪

- Obtuse, rubber goose, green moose, guava juice,

Giant snake, birthday cake, large fries, chocolate shake!

- ♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪

♪ It flips your lid when you are the kid ♪

♪ With fairly oddparents

- Yeah, right.

- No, I'm not a giant bug.

I'm chet u-bug-ya in my fly-shaped -d glasses

For tonight's big tv premiere of [span] I was a teenage blowfly.[/Span]

- [Screams]

- It's the scariest movie ever made

About a boy turned into a fly,

And all of dimmsdale will be watching.

You don't want to miss it.

- Oh, I'm not gonna miss it.

No one's more excited than me.

I have my blowfly action figure, my blowfly -d glasses,

And my blowfly-flavored popcorn.

[Coughing]

Mmm, that's good blowfly.

I'm gonna love this movie.

- Oh, no, you won't.

That movie is rated is fttftt:

"Far too terrifying for timmy turner."

- The blowfly movie is really scary, timmy.

It will scar you for life.

- And that's our job.

- So we'll just take your tv so you're not tempted to watch.

Crash!

You know what responsible parents we are.

- And now we can watch on two tvs!

- Okay, fine, no problem.

This is why I have fairy godparents.

Thanks, wanda.

- Uh, that tv isn't for you.

It's for us.

We're going to watch the movie in the fishbowl.

So we need you to baby-sit poof.

We can't let him see it.

It'll scar him for life.

- Yeah, and that's our job.

- So what am I supposed to do?

- You can change poof's diaper.

That's even scarier than the movie.

[Spooky music]

Sniff! Sniff!

- Ah, this stinks.

There's got to be some way I can watch this movie.

If only I were a fly on the wall.

That's it!

Poof, I wish I was a fly.

- Ooh! Poof poof!

- Ha ha!

Awesome!

I'm fly size.

Come on, poof, it's movie time.

Just in time.

I bet this is the part where

The teenager gets the head of the fly.

- Gee willikers, I'm bound to get an "a"

On my nifty body switching project.

- This -d is so realistic.

Now, honey, if this silly movie gets too scary,

Cling to me like the womanly ivy clings

To the big, manly maple tree and--

- [Snarling]

- [Screams]

Quick, turn on the light.

- Dah!

The teenage blowfly's in this room.

- Oh, silly, it's just two ordinary houseflies.

Shoo! Shoo!

- [Screaming]

Slam!

- Drat!

How are we gonna see the movie now?

- [Babbling]

[All gasping]

- You're right, poof.

We can watch at any house we want.

This wish is perfect.

[Thunder booms]

Pbbth!

- Heartbeat increasing.

Armpits at sweatcon .

Scientifically, this can only mean one thing, father.

[Together] we're absolutely terrified!

- Stay back.

Back, back, I say!

Zap!

- [Screaming]

- Sweet!

We found a nice, safe place to watch the movie.

- Warning: human-fly hybrid detected.

[Both screaming]

[Together] the blowfly's real!

Zap!

- [Screaming]

Zap! Zap!

- Yawn!

Yawn!

[Teeth chattering]

- Honey, what are you doing behind the couch?

- Not hiding from the scary movie,

That's for sure.

And now I'm going to not hide in the kitchen.

Ooh, there's my son's butt

Sticking out of the trash can.

Nothing scary here.

Hiya, timmy!

Pbbth!

- [Screams]

Either puberty's uglier than I remember,

Or the blowfly's real!

Real! Real!

- Blowfly?

Why it's only timmy

Eating from the garbage again.

Maybe I should start making dinner for three.

- I'm a monster.

Now my prom is ruined!

- Whoo!

This movie is downright scarified, son.

- And just think how scary it would be

If we had a tv to watch it on, pa.

- A radio?

Not what I had mind.

- Look, pa, a fly!

- Oh, now, them's good eatin'.

Get 'em, boy!

[Screaming]

Thunk!

[Screaming]

- Finally, a commercial.

I need to go powder my nose.

That's girl talk for go to the bathroom.

- Right, only a movie.

Blowfly not real.

Pbbth!

[Screams]

The teenage blowfly, he [span]is[/span]real!

Dimmsdale police,

The teenage blowfly's here at my house.

- Did you say the blowfly's at your house?

Remain calm, sir.

We'll assemble the swat team.

Tweet!

- I got to see the end of this movie, poof.

And nothing in the world's gonna stop me.

Smack!

[Groans]

Nothing's gonna--

Zap!

Nothing's gonna stop--

Must...watch...movie.

- Thanks for letting me stay up past my bedtime, mother.

- Well, denzel, I wanted you to see

That even hideous monsters can find love too.

- There's hope for me yet.

- We made it, poof.

Just in time for the big, dramatic conclusion.

- Oh, shivers, I sure am glad that blowfly thingy isn't real.

- We interrupt this movie to say

The blowfly thingy's real,

And he's been spotted at the turner house.

Pbbth!

- He stole my son's clothes,

Ate my popcorn,

And made me yank my wife out of the can

Before she was done powdering her nose.

That's girl talk for go to the bathroom.

- Citizens of dimmsdale, let's handle this emergency

The way we handle everything we don't understand:

With torches and pitchforks.

Meet me at the turner house.

Woo-hoo!

- Woo-hoo!

- Torches, pitchforks?

Reminds me of my last parent-teacher conference.

Let's go, mother!

- Not like us!

Not like us!

Not like us!

- A fly-headed boy at my house?

Uh, poof, you didn't switch my head with a fly's

Like in the movie, did you?

- Poof, poof!

- Aw, man.

I've got to get back

And switch heads right now,

Or I'll be stuck like this forever.

Splat!

I'm stuck!

Poof, get me loose!

Poof!

Good thing this web is spider-free.

- Oops.

I forgot to let my giant pet spiders out for the night.

Have fun, donny and marie.

- Oh, come on.

- Cosmo, the news says the teenage blowfly

Is here at timmy's house.

- Quiet, wanda.

I'm watching the movie.

So realistic.

- [Screams]

Cosmo, that's not the movie.

- Well, this can only mean one thing.

Poof switched timmy's head with a fly's.

Then they flew off to watch the movie

In a parabolic arc over dimmsdale,

Dodging lasers, flytraps, and hungry mcbadbats.

So if my calculations are correct,

We'll find the boys dangling in a web

In mr. Crocker's living room,

Since as everyone knows, crocker runs a spider hatchery.

- Cosmo, that was brilliant.

- I like monkeys.

- And it's over.

Oh, let's go find the boys!

- Poof, before we get eaten,

I just want to say...

This is all your fault!

[Screams]

- Get away from my boys before I kick your hairy butts,

Which is girl talk for kick your hairy butts!

Thank goodness we're all safe and sound.

- Warning: fairies detected.

To catch them

And prove to the world you're not a creepy weirdo,

Push the button.

Push the button.

Push the button.

Button not pushed.

Releasing fairies now.

- Uh, guys, poof us home quick!

[All shouting at once]

Phew, we got home before the angry mob.

But where's the fly boy?

Pbbth!

[All scream]

- Remember, he's dangerous.

You go first, honey.

[Teeth chattering]

- Nothing here,

Not even timmy.

- Dah!

A rustling in the closet.

[Thunder booms]

Pbbth!

- [Screams]

I powdered my nose in my pants!

- Hey, angry mob, what's up?

- Why, it's only timmy.

- Dah!

[Indistinct muttering]

This is chet ubetcha reporting

That mr. Turner's a raving lunatic.

- Worst riot ever!

I give it an "f"!

All right, mother, let's go home and check the fairy traps.

Not like there's anything ever in them.

- Thank you for coming.

See you at the next riot.

Bye-bye, now.

Now, while I get ready for bed,

You'd better go apologize to timmy

For sending an angry mob to spear him with pitchforks...

Again.

Ooh, I know just how to make it all better.

- Golly gee!

My head's back on just in time for graduation.

- Thanks for letting me watch the end of the movie, dad.

- Ooh, we should have watched it together all along, son.

With your big, strong dad to protect you,

You wouldn't have been scared at all.

- Uh, but I wasn't scared.

- Sure you were.

And neither was i.

- Time for bed, you two.

[Thunder booms]

- [Screams]

I powdered my nose in my pants again.

[Fairies snoring]

Bang! Bang! Bang!

[Screaming]

- Timmy, what are you doing up before noon on a saturday?

- He must not be the real timmy.

Impostor!

- I've been working on this list of extreme wishes all week,

And I want to get started as soon as possible.

- You go with the impostor.

I'll stay here and look for the real timmy.

- First up, I wish I was a formula race car driver

In an atomic-powered super race car

That can bend time

And leave fiery skid marks in its wake.

A merry-go-round?

Are you kidding me?

This is so lame.

[Sigh] wish number two.

I wish I could bounce across the moon.

- Poof! Poof!

- Yay!

- Poof!

- Yahoo!

- Poof! Poof!

This isn't anything like the moon.

Okay, let's try wish number three.

I wish I could wrestle a giant, man-eating fire-breathing squid!

- Poof! Poof!

- Great, I don't suppose he actually breathes fire.

- No, he squirts toothpaste

So you can always practice good oral hygiene.

Splat!

- Ah!

My eye is minty fresh!

Wanda, what's up with you?

Every time I wish for something awesome,

You make it totally boring and not awesome.

- Oh, sorry, sport, but you've been making

A lot of dangerous wishes lately,

And I have to baby proof them for poof's sake.

- Timmy wasn't at the center of the earth,

But I'll keep looking.

Hang on, real timmy!

- Wanda, is there any way around this baby proofing stuff?

- The real timmy would know

That every fairy comes with a guarantee.

- "If the godchild in question

Is in any way unhappy or dissatisfied

With the services provided by his godparent,

He can request a temporary fairy."

I can?

- Well, technically, yes.

But I know you love us so much, you'd never replace us with--

- I wish I had a temporary fairy!

Boom!

- Temporary fairy at your service.

- Jorgen?

You're my temporary fairy?

Aren't there, like, a billion other fairies I can choose from?

Or, like, one?

- Nope.

All the others have godkids.

And now that all the lawsuits have been settled,

I'm available.

- Timmy, you're making a mistake.

There's a reason jorgen doesn't have a full-time godchild.

- Sadly, the nagging one speaks the truth.

Most kids do not appreciate super atomic race cars,

Bouncing on the moon,

Or fire-breathing squids who eat people.

I guess I am just tragically misunderstood.

- Not by me you're not.

Let's do this.

- Hey hey!

Just sign this contract right below this clause

That clears me of any responsibility

Should you be maimed, severed, charred, boiled, shaved,

Plucked, disemboweled, juggled by monkeys,

Ripped apart, given the measles,

Mutilated, frozen, or b*rned at the stake.

- Sounds good to me.

[Evil laughter]

Wahoo!

I'm in a race car on the moon!

Roar!

Ka-boom!

Ha ha!

Thanks to the moon's lack of gravity,

I'm super strong.

Ha ha!

- Oh, are you okay, sport?

Did jorgen hurt you?

Is anything broken?

Let me take a look.

- Wanda, I'm great.

I just did three extreme wishes in a row.

Jorgen's awesome.

- Oh, you are just saying that because it is completely true.

- There.

These posters will help in the search for timmy.

- You are an idiot.

Seriously, there can't be anyone in the world

Less intelligent than you.

- Oh, timmy!

Ooh, trying to open the door with my mind didn't work.

- Uh-oh, it's my dad!

Quick, hide!

- A rhino?

- What? It is manly.

- Just came to say good night, son.

Ooh, love the rhino.

It's much more manly than your embarrassingly unmanly fish.

- Gah!

Oh, no. Timmy's missing?

I'll find you, son!

Oh, mind powers still not working.

- Well, good night.

I love you.

- Aw, we love--

- Not you.

I was talking to my temporary fairy.

- Good night, turner.

See you first thing in the morning.

Ha ha!

- [Screams]

- It's first thing in the morning.

Time to start a brand-new day

Of super charged, heavy-duty wishes.

- It's the middle of the night.

Can't we just--

- Go night skydiving

On the eighth moon of jupiter

Into the belly of the galactorian space eel?

Of course!

- ♪ La la

♪ La-la la

- [Screams]

- And here is the best part.

Instead of having a regular, namby-pamby baby parachute,

You've got a rabid beaver on your back.

- [Growling]

- [Screams]

Snowboarding down an active volcano?

Well, at least my feet are on the ground this time.

- Only instead of a snowboard,

You're riding on the belly of a hungry, two-headed crocodile.

Oh, and your hair is made of bacon!

- [Screaming]

Chased by a herd of green flamingos

Across a desert of flaming corn cobs?

- Yes, everyone knows green flamingos are much meaner

Than the pink ones.

- Time-out.

I need to catch my breath in this cave.

- Oh, this is not a cave.

- [Screams]

- Magical creatures,

Catch timmy's scent, and let's track him down.

Leprechauns, go!

Gnomes, fetch!

You ugly things, just leave.

[All groan]

Ah!

- No more wishes.

I just want to stay under my bed for a while

And maybe have a snack.

- Good idea.

How about a time b*mb hoagie?

Tick-tock! Tick tock!

Boom!

Better get some rest.

I will poof you up a new bed...

Of nails!

- [Screams]

- See you tomorrow, godchild.

Yah!

- [Screams]

- It's tomorrow, turner.

Ha, ha, ha!

You fall for that every time.

Let's see.

On deck for today,

We have bungee jumping into the boiling sulfur pits of uranus

Followed by diving into a pit of angry sea monsters,

And then we will wrap it all up

With a belly slide down a cheese grater

Into a pool of rubbing alcohol.

- This presentation will self-destruct in--

Boom!

- That's it!

I can't take it anymore!

No more explosions, flames,

Or galactorian eel bellies.

You're fired!

- Ha!

You cannot fire me, turner.

Thanks to my team of lawyers,

This contract, unlike you, is unbreakable.

Read the fine print.

- "This contract is binding for one year

Or until timmy turner totally explodes,

Whichever comes first."

I'm stuck with you for a year?

- Don't worry.

You will explode way before that.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I have to gunpowder my nose.

- I found timmy.

I recognized him by his teeth.

He's been living in the wild like a savage.

- [Growling]

- We'll have to teach him english again.

Timmy, say "chimichanga."

- [Growling]

- Wanda, you got to help me.

I wish jorgen would just go away.

- Sorry, timmy.

But you signed a contract,

And we're not your fairies right now.

Jorgen is.

- No way!

How do I get out of the contract?

- There's only one way out.

You're going to have to wish for something too horrible

For even jorgen to handle.

- But he's not afraid of anything.

What could possibly scare him off?

Flush!

- All right, turner.

Bathroom break is over.

Time to roll!

Speaking of rolls,

I replaced your toilet paper with flaming sandpaper.

[Maniacal laughter]

- But we're gonna do things my way this time,

And I say we namby-pamby baby things up

To the max.

- Turner, you can't be serious.

- Oh, yes, I can.

I'm your godkid, and you have to do what I say.

I wish you were wearing nothing but a baby diaper.

- Turner, this is too namby.

I demand you wish for something else.

- Okay.

I wish you were in a playpen

Wearing a pink bonnet.

- Yah!

Now, this is too pamby!

- I wish we were at fairy world stadium

And you were sucking on a pacifier

And your image was on the jumbo view!

- Wha?

Yah!

Crash!

Now, this is full-on namby-pamby baby stuff.

Thank goodness there is no one here to see this.

- I wish the stadium was full of fairies!

[Crowd cheering]

[Laughter]

- It sure is great spending time with you again, timmy.

It's important you reintegrate into society.

How's the log?

- [Growling]

[Laughter]

- Stop laughing! Stop!

Okay, turner, you win.

I'll rip up the contract.

There!

I am no longer your temporary fairy.

- You did it, timmy.

You out-jorgened jorgen.

- Poof! Poof!

- Wanda, I'm sorry I replaced you guys.

I totally learned my lesson.

You're the only fairies I'd ever want,

No matter how much baby proofing you do.

- Welcome back, timmy.

Now, how about another wish?

- You bet.

I wish we were all

On a super colossal water slide!

Woo-hoo!

- Sorry, sport.

- Are you kidding?

This is perfect.

Well, real timmy,

If you don't like my wish granting,

Why don't you find yourself a temporary fairy?

Boom!

- Did I hear someone say they need a temporary fairy?

- [Growling]

- Wah! Wah!

Don't build a dam in there!

I'm calling my lawyers!

- Well, timmy's not at the center of the earth.

Where are you, timmy!

- [Sighs]