07x14 - Poltergeeks/Beach Blanket Bozos

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ Timmy is an average kid

♪ That no one understands

♪ Mom and dad and vicky always giving him commands ♪

- Bed, twerp!

- ♪ The doom and gloom up in his room ♪

♪ Is broken instantly

♪ By his magic little fish who grant his every wish ♪

♪ 'Cause in reality

♪ They are his oddparents

♪ Fairly oddparents

- Wands and wings.

- Float-y crown-y things.

- ♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪

♪ Really mod, pea pod, buff bod, hot rod ♪

- Obtuse, rubber goose, green moose, guava juice,

Giant snake, birthday cake, large fries, chocolate shake!

- ♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪

♪ It flips your lid when you are the kid ♪

♪ With fairly oddparents

- Yeah, right.

- Ooh, hawaii.

Nothing like spending a tropical vacation

With the love of my life.

Isn't that right, boardy?

[Exhales heavily]

Ooh, I can't wait to ride the hawaiian waves with you.

- You know, you're not the only one who loves surfing.

- Maybe, but I'm the only one who was ever good at it.

- We'll just see about that.

I challenge you to a surf-off as soon as the nice baggage man

Unloads timmy from the cargo hold.

- I can't believe my parents shipped me in a dog crate.

- Well, they did need the third seat

For their surfboards, sport.

- Look on the bright side, timmy:

At least you got a new flea collar,

And you no longer have worms.

- I sure hope this vacation gets better.

- Aloha.

- Okay, it just got a lot better.

You know, in hawaiian, "aloha" means "hello,"

"I love you," and "good-bye."

- Really? I thought it meant, "bury your wife in the sand."

- [Muffled yelling]

- I still say there's no way you're a better surfer than me.

You haven't been surfing in years.

- That's where you're wrong.

I've surfed the internet.

Both: banzai!

- Perfect; while they're out of my hair,

I'm going to meet

That friendly hawaiian girl at the luau.

- Dude, you can't come to our luau.

It's, like, reserved for surfer dudes

And their families.

- No sweat; my parents are champion surfers

From way back.

Check it out.

[Both screaming]

- Ah, curse you, giant ocean hand!

[All laughing]

- Dude, your parents are the worst surfers ever.

- Those two? I'm not their son.

I've never seen them before in my life.

- Son, I may need a blood transfusion, son,

And you'd be a perfect genetic match,

'Cause you're my son, son.

- Stay out of the sun, son.

[All laughing]

- Aloha. Ha, ha, ha.

- See, wanda? I was right.

- Oh, man.

My mom and dad are gonna ruin my whole vacation,

All because they can't surf.

- [Yelling]

Phew.

[Grunting]

[Both grunting]

[Both grunting]

- But if my parents could surf

Better than anybody on the beach,

Those surfer dudes would definitely

Let me come to the luau.

Ready, cosmo?

- Hang on, timmy. I got to find wanda.

I hope she's wearing her earrings.

[Metal detector beeping]

Forget wanda. I found a magic wand.

- Cosmo, focus.

I wish my parents were the best surfers ever.

Poof!

[Both sobbing]

- Wow, I suddenly feel like the best surfer ever.

- And I feel like I'm the best surfer ever.

- Care for a surf-off?

- You bet.

Both: surf's up!

- Whoa, look at that dude!

He's the best surfer ever!

- No, that lady dude's the best surfer ever.

- Dude, they're both the best surfers ever.

[Hypnotic flute music]

[Ominous organ music]

[Dog barks]

- Go, mom and dad!

- You're their kid?

Dude, you're totally welcome at our luau.

You can even be our king!

- This luau's gonna be awesome.

Aloha, friendly hula girl.

[Rumbling sounds]

[Lava spurting]

- Luau's canceled! Clear the beach!

- Aloha.

- I just dug her up, but okay.

- [Grunts]

- Turner, I came to tell you two important things.

One, you have put your parents in terrible danger,

And two, these pineapple smoothies

Are mooka-laka-licious.

Mmm!

- I know, right?

Wait, go back to the "parents in danger" part.

- Because of you,

Your parents are stuck in the deadly state

Of wish limbo!

[Echoing]

- "Wish limbo"? [Echoing]

Is that bad?

- No, the erupting volcano

And my use of the phrase "deadly state"

Mean everything is hunky-dory fine.

Listen, you wished for "both" of your parents

To be the "best" surfer ever, right?

- So? What's wrong with that?

- It is impossible for them both to be the best at the same time.

They will be locked into eternal competition forever!

- Ah!

- Now, if you'll excuse me,

I've got to go get some coconut shrimp.

Aloha.

- Mom, dad, time to call it a day!

- Deh-he-he, no can do, timmy.

I'm not quitting until your mother admits

I'm the best surfer ever.

- And I'm not quitting until your father admits

I'mthe best surfer ever.

En garde.

- They got to get tired eventually, right?

- I'm not going to eat, sleep,

Or shave my legs till you give in.

- I'm not going to eat, sleep,

Or shave my beard till you give in.

- Man, those hairy wack jobs

Are never going to leave the water.

This is the worst vacation ever.

I got to find a way to end

Wish limbo. [Echoing]

Jorgen!

- I don't know why the grass skirt is so popular.

I could swear there are crickets in here.

- You got to help me.

How do I stop my mom and dad

Before they surf for the rest of my life?

- That is the problem with

Wish limbo. [Echoing]

- Yeah, yeah, limbo, limbo, limbo.

How do you stop it, stop it, stop it?

- The only way to break the spell

Is to get your parents to give up the competition

On their own, but to do that,

You must find something

That means more to them than surfing.

- How am I gonna do that?

- That is for you to figure out,

Because I'm going to back to my four-star hotel

To order a pupu platter.

Room service says it tastes better than it sounds.

- I got to find something

My parents love better than surfing.

Wanda, cosmo, I need a jet ski...and a shave.

Poof!

Mom, dad, wait!

If you give up surfing right now,

I'll give you all this stuff.

Check it out:

A big flat-screen tv, a diamond necklace, and a pony.

- Well, the pony is tempting,

But nothing can make me give up the chance

To defeat your mother!

Surf's up!

- Thanks, timmy, but nothing can make me

Give up the chance to show up your father.

Wait for me!

- Time for drastic measures.

If I can't bribe my mom and dad into quitting,

Maybe I can scare them into it.

- Good thinking, timmy.

Their own lives must be more important to them than surfing.

- Guys, I wish for the scariest surfing spot ever.

Poof!

[Cannons f*ring]

- Oh look, dear: our greatest surfing challenge yet.

- This dangerous patch of water should prove once and for all

Who's the best.

Both: yay! Yay!

- Timmy, your parents are gonna get creamed in there.

- Yeah, and they haven't even seen the giant kraken yet.

- The giant kraken?

[Kraken roaring]

Guess I didn't think this through.

- I can't move my hands.

- We're doomed! Somebody, help!

- Look, that kraken just grabbed timmy

And some weird pink, green, and purple sea creatures.

[Blade scraping]

I'm gonna go save him!

[Kraken roaring]

- Trying to upstage me, huh?

I'm a better

Giver-upper-to-help-my-son than you are!

[Hair tearing]

Hold on, son!

[Kraken roaring]

Poof!

[Both screaming]

[Knuckles cracking]

- Uh, I don't feel very surf-tastic anymore.

- Help! Help!

- Timmy, looks like wish limbo ended

When your parents decided to save you.

You must be the only thing

More important to them than surfing.

- Personally, I would've taken the pony.

[All screaming]

- Let go of my son, fish-breath!

- Shoo! Shoo! You heard me!

[Kraken roars]

- Eh, I guess we didn't think this through.

- Guys, quick, I wish for a great big wave

To get rid of that kraken!

- On it! Poof!

[Water rumbling]

- [Growling]

Hmm?

- Cowabunga!

Now who's the best surfer ever?

And thanks, poof.

[All cheering]

- Dude, you are one amazing surfer.

Let's get to that luau.

- Aloha.

That means, "I was hoping you'd say that."

- Oh, honey, I'm really sorry. I apologize.

- And I'm sorry too. I'm a great apologizer.

- I'm a better apologizer than you.

- I'm a better apologizer than you!

- No, I am. - No, I am.

- Yeah, that's gonna have to stop.

- Limbo! - Limbo!

Both: limbo!

Limbo!

- From now on,

This is the only kind of limbo I want to see.

Well, I've only got one more day left in hawaii,

So if I want to have fun, I'd better get crackin'.

- One kraken coming up.

[Kraken roaring]

I think I made a pupu platter.

- Pupu platter!

- Driving home from my boring job...

In my boring car... Past boring scenery...

Past a giant boring lizard eating a boring bus.

[Lizard roaring]

[People screaming]

What's for boring dinner?

- Boring roast boar.

- Well, I'm not bored. I'm starved.

- Eh, you guys are boring.

[Stomach growling]

Man, I need food,

And you two need some excitement in your lives.

[Lizard roars]

Both: boring!

- Eh.

- Guys, my mom got too bored to feed me again.

Can somebody poof me up a submarine sandwich?

- On it.

Poof!

Mmm. Atomic sub.

- Don't even think about it, cosmo.

When you eat before bed,

You get a stomachache and you sleep-float.

- Oh, wanda.

You always know what's best for me.

If only I'd listen.

[Laughs]

[Chomping]

- Dive! Dive! - Release depth charge!

[expl*si*n]

- It's attacking the japanese food I had earlier.

- Don't say I didn't warn you, cosmo.

- [Stomach growling] um, wanda? Some food?

- Aw, no, thanks. I already ate.

Poof!

- [Chomping]

[All snoring]

- [Moaning]

Tummy hurts.

Japanese food should surrender.

- [Snoring]

- [Moaning]

- What was that?

[Both scream]

- Oh, no. Cosmo.

Uh, mom, dad, I can explain.

- It's a ghost... With a periscope in his ear.

- A ghost?

Okay, let's go with that,

But don't worry.

I bet his ghost wife is coming

To drag him back to the fishbowl--

I mean, back to the underwater realm of the undead.

- [Moaning] sorry.

I told this idiot ghost not to eat that sandwich.

- Poof, poof.

- Our house is haunted?

Do you know what this means?

- It means we're no longer bored,

And better still: it means it's time for...

Both: the polter-geeks!

- The polter-whats?

- Oh, timmy, before you were born,

Your father and I led an exciting life as ghost hunters.

- Check out this cool vhs tape from the 's.

- I'm expert break-dancer and rookie reporter

Chet ubetcha saying, "our town has been destroyed

"By self-proclaimed ghost hunters

Who call themselves..."

Both: the polter-geeks!

- Tell us, polter-geeks,

Have you ever caught a real ghost?

- Not technically.

You see, we find a house we think is haunted.

Then we just blow it up.

- After all, you can't have a haunted house

If you don't have a house.

[Lasers blasting]

- [Screams]

[expl*si*n]

- Enjoy your ghost-free house.

- I didn't have a ghost.

- You're welcome.

- Without ever catching a single ghost,

The polter-geeks have destroyed every house in dimmsdale.

So I've brought an angry mob

To run these polterfakes out of town.

- No need to thank us!

- Chet ubetcha ran you out of town?

- Well, across town.

We moved from one side of dimmsdale to the other.

We even had to change our names.

I used to be called mom.

- And I used to be called barnaby.

- So since ghost hunting ruined your lives once,

You're not crazy enough to try it again

And ruin my life, right?

- We're exactly that crazy, timmy.

There are ghosts here,

So we better blow up the house right away.

I'll get the ghost-blasters.

You get our totally unnecessary super-tight jumpsuits.

- Whoa. Hey.

Have you guys ever tried catching a ghost?

- Hmmm...can we still wear the jumpsuits?

- Uh, sure?

Both: yay!

- Let's go, barnaby!

- [Belches]

[expl*si*n]

- Guys, help.

My parents are gonna blow up the house

Unless they catch some ghosts.

Please play along.

- You got it. Three ghosts coming up.

- Ah, where are my feet?

How am I gonna finish my toe lint sculpture?

[expl*si*n]

- Looking good, barnaby.

Well, no ghosts here. Fire when ready.

- Whoa, dad! The ghosts are right there.

Catch 'em!

- Eh, with what?

- These only blow things up.

- Why don't you just suck them

Into the ghost containment unit I wish you had?

- Ooh, fancy.

- Ooh, we're about to get sucked into a trap

With great drama and ghostly noises.

[Moaning]

- Wow, look at that.

You two finally caught some ghosts.

Yawn. Well, I'm bushed. Good night.

- Are you crazy?

- Not according to the court-appointed psychiatrist.

- Now that we have a fancy ghost-sucking device,

We're going to hunt ghosts all over dimmsdale.

- To the station wagon in our driveway!

- The box was cramped, but on the bright side,

We've never been closer as a family.

- Uh, about that, guys,

If my parents can't catch more ghosts,

They'll start blowing up houses again,

So I need you to haunt every house in town.

- Are you crazy?

- Not according to the court-appointed psychiatrist.

[Siren blaring]

[Doorbell chimes]

- Is your house haunted?

- No, there were no ghosts before,

And there are no ghosts now.

[Spooky moaning]

- [Screams]

[Sparks crackling]

- [Moaning]

- Good gravy, thanks for catching all these ghosts

I never knew I had.

Please take this as a token of my appreciation.

- Ooh, let's go see who else appreciates us.

[All moaning]

[All screaming]

[All screaming]

[Both yelling]

[Sparks crackling]

[Sparks crackling]

- Should we look for ghosts in mr. Crocker's house?

- Nah. Just blow it up.

- Yay!

[Lasers blasting]

[expl*si*n] - [screams]

- Whoo-hoo.

- Wahoo is right, timmy.

Barnaby and I have never been less bored.

- Or more rich.

- Now I can throw money at all my problems.

- Ah! Thanks, turner.

- Dinkleberg.

- Glad you're having fun, sport,

But we're sick of spending every night

Getting sucked into a box.

- It used to be fun. Now it just feels like work.

- But my folks love being ghost hunters.

Now everyone believes in them.

- This is chet ubetcha saying, "I don't believe in you."

I'm going to expose you on tv as the total phonies you are.

- Oh, yeah?

Eh, he's not going away, barnaby.

We're not phonies. We've caught tons of ghosts.

- I won't believe it until I see it with my own eyes.

- Then meet us at the spooky old abandoned mansion

I wish was up on the hill.

Poof!

[Thunder crashing]

- This is chet ubetcha's live worldwide broadcast

Outside the mysterious mccreepy mansion,

And here come the polterfrauds now.

[Brakes squealing]

[All gasp]

- Looking good, barnaby. [Camera shutters clicking]

Timmy, help unload our new ghost-hunting equipment.

- Newghost-hunting equipment?

- Yeah, we bought it from mr. Crocker

After we blew up his house.

- Mr. Crocker?

Oh, no.

It's mr. Crocker's fairy-hunting equipment.

Now my parents can really catch cosmo and wanda.

I got to warn them.

- Hang on, son.

You're the ghost bait.

Everyone knows ghosts love

Kids covered in peanut butter and money.

- Ugh.

Guys, where are you?

- Look, I'm a california ghost. Dude.

[Sniffs]

Ooh, peanut butter and cash, my two favorite things.

- Cosmo, this isn't a joke this time.

- [Gasps] that monster.

Stay away from my money!

- [Screams]

Uh-oh. [Grunting]

I can't poof out.

- Da-da? Poof!

- [Moaning]

[Sniffs]

Hey, are you wearing peanut butter and money?

- You got to hide.

[Laser blasting]

- Oh-no! I can't get out!

- Ma-ma.

- Excellent bait skills, money-- I mean timmy.

Now to shred these ghosts on live tv

In my brand-new specter shredder.

Beep.

[Blades whirring]

- "Fairy chipper"?

- Yeah, mr. Crocker threw that in as a bonus.

Come on, let's show chet some spooky specters.

- Wait! [Screams]

- Ghosts are real. See for yourself.

- As we say in the ghost business, chet,

Told you so.

Now to chip them up

And sell them as haunted lawn mulch.

- [Gasps]

[Blades whirring]

- Mom, dad, wait!

- [Roaring]

[All screaming]

- Everyone, quick, throw money at it!

[All scream]

- Ma-ma!

Da-da!

[All scream]

- This is chet ubetcha saying,

"I'm sorry I doubted you, polter-geeks."

In related news: ow!

- Being boring was way less painful.

[Camera shutter clicks]

- So boring in the hospital.

- And expensive.

- Can I get you two anything?

- Just keep the ghosts away.

- I think we can manage that.

They'll be better in no time.

Now maybe we can finally get some sleep

And some food.

- Good idea.

I'm gonna have a knuckle sandwich.

[Screams]

- Ooh, look, a spaceman.

- Time to restart our other business...

Both: hunting aliens.

- Should we catch it?

- No, let's blow it up.

- [Screams]

[Laser blasting]

[Screaming]

Why can't they just throw money at me?

[Screams]