07x19 - Farm Pit/Crock Talk

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ Timmy is an average kid

♪ That no one understands

♪ Mom and dad and vicky always giving him commands ♪

- Bed, twerp!

- ♪ The doom and gloom up in his room ♪

♪ Is broken instantly

♪ By his magic little fish who grant his every wish ♪

♪ 'Cause in reality

♪ They are his oddparents

♪ Fairly oddparents

- Wands and wings.

- Float-y crown-y things.

- ♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪

♪ Really mod, pea pod, buff bod, hot rod ♪

- Obtuse, rubber goose, green moose, guava juice,

Giant snake, birthday cake, large fries, chocolate shake!

- ♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪

♪ It flips your lid when you are the kid ♪

♪ With fairly oddparents

- Yeah, right.

[Engine turns over]

- Ooh, not a car in sight.

Leaving for work extra early is great.

I didn't just b*at the traffic,

I kicked the traffic's butt!

[Tires screeching and horns honking]

Stupid traffic!

It kicked my butt.

[Growling and muttering]

- Off to school, dad.

- [Growling and muttering]

- Home from school.

- [Growling and muttering]

[Crash and car alarms sounding]

[Panting]

- How was your day in the driveway, dear?

- My commute's a traffic nightmare!

That's why I've come up with a very sensible plan

So I'll never have to drive to work again.

I quit my job.

- You quit your job?

Not to make this all about me,

But how are you gonna feed me with no money to buy food?

- Oh, we're going to grow our own food from now on

Because I'm going to become a farmer!

This is what farmers wear, timmy.

I'm in my daisy dude shorts.

- Wow, that's hard to look at.

Dad, you don't know anything about farming.

- That's where you're wrong, son.

I've always been terrific at growing things.

I grow hair on my back every day.

- And so do i.

- Everyone knows I have a green thumb,

Right, little plant?

[Shrieking]

[Evil laughter]

Zap!

[Horn blares]

My dream! It's here!

It's the farming kit I ordered.

It's got everything I need to start my own farm right here.

Heh, vegetable seeds.

Now I just plant these seeds in the mailbox,

Pour coffee all over them,

And wait for the earth's bounty to sprout overnight!

[Shrieking]

- Man, this farm's gonna be a total disaster.

We'll never grow any food.

Unless I help out with a little magic.

Guys, I wish my dad's farm was awesome.

[Snoring]

[Rooster crows]

[Cows mooing]

[Chickens clucking]

- Yippee!

I did it!

- Well, look at that.

You must really be a great farmer, dad.

- No, I'm not a great farmer, son.

I'm the greatest farmer ever!

Now we'll go harvest some crops in the hot sun.

And by we, I mean you.

- [Grunting]

Ah!

These crops grow fast.

And why are the veggies so big?

- It's 'cause we planted super seeds, sport.

- Super seeds supercede all other kinds of seeds

'Cause they're super, see?

Wait, what did I just say?

- They're the most powerful seeds in the universe.

Once they're planted,

Even our magic can't stop them from growing.

- Ooh, look what else I found in the farm-in-a-box kit.

Just what every farm needs!

A scarecrow and an apple pie!

Ooh, and look, a tiny twister!

[Mooing]

Now that's what every farm needs:

A flying cow.

Check it out, wanda.

[Panicked yelling]

- Guys, come back.

Oof!

Waaaaugh!

Oof!

- Everybody, into the storm cellar!

- Come on, timmy!

- Aaaaugh!

- The storm's over.

Luckily, we're all safe.

And so is timmy.

- I'm over here, dad.

- Aah! A talking, bucktoothed scarecrow!

- My goodness, this place is a mess.

Our farm is ruined.

- Don't worry. I'll take care of it.

I command you to regrow.

[Popping]

Ting!

I am the greatest farmer ever!

Okay, scarecrow,

Let us know when you've cleared the wreckage.

[Mooing]

- Oh, where's cosmo and wanda and poof

Now that I really need them?

[Screaming]

- Oh, we must be over the rainbow

In a magical land of color and music!

- "Welcome to cleveland.

Now go home!"

- Ooh, the magical land of cleve!

It's beautiful.

Look, an adorable munchkin is coming to welcome us.

- [Wet coughing]

- Cosmo, focus!

We need to find our wands and get back to timmy, quick.

- I know!

We'll just go ask the wizard.

- What are you talking about?

There's no wizard in cleveland.

- Really?

Then what do you call that?

That wizard will give us our wands back for sure.

Come on, poof!

Let's follow the yellow tape road.

♪ Oh, we're off to see the wizard ♪

♪ In the magical land of cleve

♪ He'll tell us how to get our wands ♪

♪ And then we'll be able to leave ♪

- Oh!

[Siren wails]

- Freeze!

- Man, farming is hard.

But at least I finally finished the new barn.

[Mooing]

Crash!

- Never let a talking scarecrow build a barn, son.

- [Grunting]

Whew!

[Popping]

- Oh, you have to work hard in this life.

Where do you think you are?

The magical land of cleve?

[Loud gobbling]

- Phew.

Finally got all the animals fed.

I'm glad this day's almost over.

Oh, no!

I accidentally fed all the farm animals super seeds?

Now the size of this super sow supercedes all the other sows!

Boom!

[Angry mooing]

- I'm just gonna run.

Aaaugh!

Cosmo! Wanda! Poof!

Where are you?

- Next time, stay out of the crime scene!

- But they're everywhere!

Cosmo, where have you been?

I got arrested,

And there's still no sign of a wizard or our wands.

- Yeah, but it's not a total loss.

I borrowed these clothes from a sleeping munchkin.

At least, I think he was sleeping,.

And we did find the scaredy-cat lion,

This dancing scarecrow,

And this guy made entirely of tin.

They want to meet the wizard too.

- The voices are back, man.

- Cosmo, for the last time, we're in cleveland.

There's no wizard here.

- Sh!

Wanda, don't let the wizard hear you.

He's just two blocks away,

And there's free parking in his rear!

- The wizard of cod?

Cosmo, that's a fast food chain.

- ♪ Oh, we're off to see the wizard ♪

♪ The wonderful wizard of cod

♪ He sold me fish instead of wands ♪

♪ We think that's kind of odd

[Horns honking]

[Chicken clucking]

- Stop playing with those chickens, scarecrow.

We need more tomatoes.

- Oof! Ah!

Ow! Ow!

Oh!

Oof!

[Clucking]

Aah!

- Our farm's a huge success, timmy.

[Shrieking]

- Dad, I'm really b*at.

Can I please take a break?

- Ooh, there's no breaks in farming.

We can never, never, never rest,

Not even for a minute.

We'll be farmers forever,

Which means I should get some rest.

- Farmers forever?

I'll never survive!

I got to get cosmo, wanda, and poof back.

But how am I gonna find them?

[Thunder rumbling]

Hey, maybe that tornado can take me

Wherever it took cosmo, wanda, and poof.

Or maybe I'll rip my flesh off my bones

And put me out of my misery.

So win-win!

Banzai!

- Ooh, I wasn't scared.

Timmy here hugged me when the scary wind made me cry.

- That's not timmy, dear.

Timmy's been whisked away by that tornado.

- What? Our son? Gone?

No!

Who's going to harvest the crops?

Breathe, turner. Breathe!

How hard can farming really be?

[Shrieking]

Poof!

Splat!

Crash!

- [Loud chewing]

[Coughing]

That's how we say hello in the magical land of cleve!

Look! I'm having a big mackerel!

- Oh, okay, wait.

While I was working my butt off,

You guys were chowing down on fish sandwiches?

Did you even look for your wands?

- You mean these wands?

Funny thing.

I found them in my back pocket.

Both: you had the wands the whole time?

- I couldn't leave without helping my friends, timmy.

The scarecrow needs a brain,

The tin man needs a heart,

And the lion needs his calming-down medicine.

- I want to go to florida!

- Use your inside voice, lion.

- Okay, playtime's over.

It's time to wish away that nutty farm.

- No can do.

I told you, sport,

We can't stop super seeds from growing.

Their power's even supercede our powers, see?

- Are you kidding me?

I'm gonna be stuck as my dad's unpaid farmhand forever?

We've got to figure out a way out of this.

Poof us home!

- I'll miss you most of all.

The scarecrow smells like a bus station bathroom.

[Vulture cawing]

Poof!

- Whoa! What happened?

I thought you couldn't wish away magic crops.

- We didn't, timmy.

They must have been ruined

By some ghastly, destructive power.

[Mr. Turner sobbing]

- Without timmy to do the farmwork,

I k*lled every crop in the field except this puny little radish.

[Shrieking]

Poof!

I'm the worst farmer ever!

I'd give anything to be stuck in the driveway

All day all over again.

[Sobbing]

- Wow, dad k*lled all the magic veggies.

Has black thumb must supercede the super seeds.

- Your parents are as bad at raising crops

As they are at raising kids.

Not you.

I meant--um.

Your sister.

- I wish the farm was gone

And my dad had his old job back.

[Horns honking]

- Ah!

The small of exhaust fumes.

I love beautiful, farm-free dimmsdale

And its lovely traffic!

Well, off to work.

- How 'bout a ride to school, dad?

- Sure thing, son.

[Whistles]

[Mooing]

Crash!

- Hang on. Hiya!

[Snorting]

[Crashing and smashing]

Pop!

- You know what I could use, cosmo?

- I sure do.

More fish sandwiches with our new friends!

[Whistles]

All: ♪ oh, we're off to see the wizard ♪

♪ In the magical land of cleve

♪ He'll feed us fish until we barf ♪

♪ I think his name is steve

- Hello, all you internuts!

This is denzel crocker, welcoming you to crock talk,

My new web show that's broadcast live from my stylish basement.

Now, say hello to my band leader, mother.

[Plays jaunty organ flourish]

So, mother, how was your day?

- Well, I bleached my dentures,

Shaved my bunions, had a mole removed, got some--

- Why can't you just say "fine" like everybody else?

Today on crock talk,

We'll be focusing on the recent rash

Of monster sightings in dimmsdale.

Check out my exclusive, on-the-scene,

Cell phone video clips.

Beep!

Here I am secretly filming bigfoot,

Who mysteriously showed up at the supermarket.

He has no idea I'm secretly filming him

Buying size- flip-flops and , razor blades.

[Yelling and smacking]

- [Roaring]

- Clean-up on aisle nine!

Here I am secretly filming this swamp monster

Relaxing in mr. Bickle's hot tub.

Pop!

[Yelling]

Scary stuff, huh?

Where are all these monsters coming from?

[Yelling]

To give us some insight,

We have a guest from the institute of paranormal studies

In stockholm, sweden.

Professor olaf gundersson,

Thank you for agreeing to be on the show today, professor.

- I did not agree.

You struck me with a tranquilizer dart

And threw me in the back of your van.

If anyone from the swedish embassy is watching,

Please help!

- Oh, save your breath.

That's how he got me to be his music director.

Only a moron would watch this show.

- Ooh, I love this show.

Timmy, come quick!

Crock talkis on.

- Can't right now, dad.

I'm doing my homework.

Go fish, lizard boy.

Foomp!

- Timmy!

These monsters you wished up are out of control.

Oh! Where's poof?

- [Belches]

[Coughs]

- Oof! Yuck!

That's it, sport.

It's time to get rid of these monsters.

- Relax, wanda.

I'll just put 'em back in my closet

Like I always do.

- Okay, freaky-deaks, let's pack it in.

Kid's got a bedtime.

[Snarling, snorting, and grumbling]

- I don't know what the big deal is.

It's not like they can get out.

[Growling]

- The phone lines are now open.

If you see any monsters-- my mother doesn't count--

Give me a call.

- Ooh, I hope I see a monster so I can be on crock talk.

[Growling] a monster!

Yay!

[Cell phone ringing]

- [Yelps]

What's that noise?

- It's the phone, dimwit.

- Oh, so that's what it sounds like.

Hello?

Oh, it's not working!

- That's a stapler.

- You're live on crock talk.

- Help, mr. Crock talk.

There's a monster trying to snag my sandwich.

- Really? Describe it.

- It's baloney and swiss on pumpernickel.

- Not the sandwich, you moron,

The monster!

- Yeah, uh, he looks like a cross between an ugly dog

And a hairless kangaroo.

Ooh, and he's sucking on a goat.

- That's a chupacabra,

The legendary mexican goat sucker!

What a scoop!

Give me your name and address.

- My name is timmy turner's dad,

And I live at timmy turner's house.

[Yelling and growling]

- Now everything makes sense.

All the monsters in dimmsdale

Are being wished up by timmy turner.

This is my chance to get actual footage of fairy god parents!

To the unsuspecting van!

- Hey, you're kind of cute.

- I didn't think things could get any worse,

But they just have.

- Der, mr. Crock talk!

Please help me!

- Sorry, no time for autographs.

Now to film timmy turner's fairies!

Pop!

Eureka! Fairies!

All I got to do is hit the video button

On my cell phone,

And the world will finally stop thinking I'm a crazy moron!

Whoops. That's the tip calculator.

[Phone plays camptown races]

Oh, drat!

Now I'm downloading a stupid ringtone!

That's cents I'll never get back!

Poof!

Ha ha! Smile, fairies!

- I've got good news and bad news, mr. Crock talk.

The good news is the chupalupa thingie spit me out.

The bad news is I'm covered in corrosive stomach acid.

Crunch!

[Crashing]

[Growling]

[Yelling and smacking]

- Not the stairs!

Gah! Ooh! Oh! Ow!

- Bye, timmy! I'm going bowling.

- Gah!

Wood burn!

- Oh, olaf, sitting in the musty, old basement

Where no one can hear you scream

Is the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.

- Let's you and I celebrate our love

By calling security at the swedish embassy.

- Mother, I have awesome news!

First of all, my head rolled a strike

At the dimmsdale beef and bowl,

And second, I'm hot on the trail of fairies!

[Crashing and yelling]

Pain!

Welcome back to crock talk.

How's it going, mother?

- I have a crazy middle-aged son

With a stupid internet show.

How do you think it's going?

- I'm gonna smear you with meat and put a leopard in your room!

Anyway, I'm always looking for more footage,

So if anyone sees a monster,

And by anyone, I mean turner's dad,

Give me a call.

[Toilet flushes]

- Yay, another monster!

What are the odds of that?

[Cell phone ringing]

- Run, mother!

There's a giant cricket in the room!

- That's the phone, denzel.

- Weird.

You're live on crock talk.

- Mr. Crock talk,

Why are there so many monsters in my house,

And why do they all want my baloney?

- My head rolled a strike at the beef and bowl.

I don't have to talk to you.

I've got fairies to film.

Turner's still not here.

That explains why he never turns in his homework.

No problem.

I'll hide in his closet

Till he comes back with his fairies!

[Growling]

[Yelling and smacking]

Puncture wound! That'll be infected!

Gah!

Well, it's not like I didn't see that coming.

- Well, back to the lanes with my new screaming bowling ball.

- Mother, I had a terrible evening.

Despite bowling the ever-tricky - split,

I didn't get the fairy footage.

I still feel like a failure.

- Well, I had a swell evening.

I'm marrying olaf and taking him to niagara falls

Against his will.

- There's never a swat team when you need one.

[Cell phone ringing]

- Don't worry! I know it's the phone this time.

Hello? Gah!

Someone put coffee in the phone!

Hello?

- This is doug dimmadome.

- Doug dimmadome?

- Doug dimmadome, on my dimmaphone.

Son, your webcast is the biggest thing

To hit the internet

Since the show about the missing swedish professor.

People love watching you

Get the stuffing b*at out of you by monsters

And watching your head roll the ever-tricky - split.

Bottom line, I want to buy crock talkfor $ million.

- Phphphhp!

Aaugh!

You're kidding!

[Knocking]

- I'm not kidding.

I'm a big fan with a big contract.

Sign here, son.

All you got to do is find a monster every week

To b*at you senseless.

- You got it, freaky cowboy!

- Honestly, denzel,

How are you going to get a monster on that show every week?

You'll never pull it off.

- Oh, baloney, mother.

- Don't take that tone with me.

- No, I mean I'm going to use baloney.

Apparently, monsters just love this stuff.

I'm gonna be a star!

By the way, I'm not calling you daddy.

- Live from downtown dimmsdale,

It's crock talk.

[Cheers and applause]

- Welcome, everyone.

Who wants to see some monsters b*at me silly?

- I love you, mr. Crock talk!

- Now, just let me slip into my baloney jumpsuit.

Okay, monsters, who wants a piece of me?

[Growling and crashing]

Ooh, that area's off-limits!

Gah! Ooh! Eeh!

Egah!

I love show business!

- There are your monsters, sport,

And they're b*ating up mr. Crocker.

Maybe we should poof them away.

- Just give him a few more seconds.

- Watch the cold cuts!

[Yelling]

Help! Stop!

I blame mother!

[Yelling]

- Ah, timmy, I think mr. Crocker's had enough.

- Ah, okay.

I'll give him a break.

Poof!

- My monsters are gone!

[Booing]

- [Sobbing]

- You're canceled, son.

No monsters means no show,

And no show means no $ million.

- No!

[Booing]

- Son, looks like you're dimma-done.

- Wait!

Hup, ow!

Man, I wish this place was carpeted.

The monsters were never seen in dimmsdale again.

However, timmy turner still plays a weekly card game

With the swamp creature.

Mother and professor gundersson honeymooned at niagara falls

Before he was rescued by a swedish swat team.

Timmy's dad wisely gave up eating baloney sandwiches

In favor of salami,

Unaware that this is the lunch meat of choice

For werewolves.

Timmy's mom and mr. Crocker's head

Won first place at the national bowling championship,

And thus ends another episode of crock talk.

[Cell phone ringing]

Ooh, we have a caller!

Hello?

Gah!

Who put coffee in the phone?