09x23 - The Past and the Furious

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ Timmy is an average kid

♪ That no one understands

♪ Mom and dad and vicky always giving him commands ♪

- Bed, twerp!

- ♪ The doom and gloom up in his room ♪

♪ Is broken instantly

♪ By his magic little fish who grant his every wish ♪

♪ 'Cause in reality

♪ They are his oddparents

♪ Fairly oddparents

- Wands and wings.

- Float-y crown-y things.

- ♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪

♪ Really mod, pea pod, buff bod, hot rod ♪

- Obtuse, rubber goose, green moose, guava juice,

Giant snake, birthday cake, large fries, chocolate shake!

- ♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪

♪ It flips your lid when you are the kid ♪

♪ With fairly oddparents

- Yeah, right.

All: surprise!

- Ah! - Oh, it is just turner.

- What are you all doing in my room?

- We are here for cosmo and wanda's surprise party.

It is their ,-year anniversary

Of being fairy godparents.

Don't tell me you forgot. - Of course I didn't forget.

I got them this, uh, math homework.

- This party stinks. Where are the pony rides?

The bouncy house?

The dance floor that opens into a pit of acid?

Well, at least the dog brought a dip bowl.

- It's not a dip bowl.

Timmy's dad is making me wear a cone

Until I stop chewing the furniture

And the brake lines in his car.

- I can't stop!

I stopped!

- Guys, please don't tell cosmo and wanda

I forgot their anniversary.

All: surprise!

Timmy forgot your anniversary!

- Aw, you shouldn't have,

And by that, I mean,

Timmy, you shouldn't have forgotten.

- He didn't, wanda. Look!

He got us math homework and a dog lamp.

- That does it.

- Happy anniversary, you crazy kids.

Sorry I can't stay.

- Is there a medical emergency, dr. Rip studwell?

- No, I was invited to a better party than this,

But I did get you a little something.

- It's a bill! He charged us for his visit.

- Uh-oh, our insurance

Doesn't cover anniversary parties.

[Yelps]

- The dumbbell for the dumbbell was my gift.

And now that cosmo's out of the picture,

Let us run away together, my little hot tamale.

- It's my anniversary, you pig.

- I got you guys something too.

- Oh, look, cosmo.

It's a photo album of all our old fairy godkids.

- The good ones,

Who would have remembered your anniversary.

- Hey, guys, I have an idea.

Why don't we go visit some of the fairy godkids

From your past?

It'll be the perfect way to celebrate your anniversary.

- Timmy, that's so sweet. - Yeah, whatever.

I'm just looking for a way to ditch this lame party.

- You and me both, brother.

Come on, everyone. Let's go crash studwell's party.

I hear there's gonna be some rowdy nurses there.

All: ooh, rowdy nurses!

- Timmy, visiting our old godkids

Is a great way to celebrate.

Who should we start with?

- Oh, we're actually gonna do that.

Now that everybody's gone,

I was just gonna play video games,

Maybe take a nap, watch some mindless tv.

- Let's start with our very first fairy godkid,

Erg, the cave boy.

Time to poof back to , b.c.

- I hope "b.c." Stands for "before cats."

- There he is, erg wheel.

He's working on the invention that'll change the world,

The erg!

- He invented the wheel, cosmo.

- Well, who the heck invented the erg?

Look, wanda, it's prehistoric us.

I'm not wearing any underwear.

- See you later, erg.

We're going bowling with fred and wilma.

- [Grunting]

- Watch your mouth, erg. There are ladies present.

- This is awesome. Let's go meet erg.

- Not so fast, timmy.

You can't interfere with the past.

If you change anything here, it could alter the future.

- Squirrel-asaurus!

[Laughs]

- No, sparky!

If you eat that squirrel,

There could be a future without squirrels.

- What do we care, wanda? They're just fluffy rats.

Go get him, sparky!

[Dinosaur growls]

Oh, no. The fluffy rat's angry mother.

[Screams] - cosmo, come back.

- [Grunts]

- Hey, erg, I'm not supposed to talk to you

Because it could totally ruin the future,

But do you want to play a video game from the future?

It's got awesome -d flesh-eating zombies.

- Huh?

[Grunts]

[Grunts]

- Again, that might be a little advanced for you.

- [Laughing]

[Dinosaur roaring]

- [Screams]

Well, I don't think I changed the future,

But I am gonna have to change my pants.

- Sparky, spit it out.

- Well, guys, it was great meeting erg,

Who I did not introduce to future things.

Now, let's move on to another godkid

So we can get home

Before my favorite mindless tv show.

Move, move, move!

- Cosmo, remember him? The earl of sandwich.

- You bet I do.

He invented the earl, whatever that is.

He invented the sandwich.

All right, everyone, before we go,

Make sure we don't leave anything from the future behind.

Timmy, didn't you have a video game?

[Game device beeps tune]

- What? No, what?

I didn't do it!

- Aw, there he is, cosmo, the earl of sandwich

Right before he invented the sandwich.

- Looking at those shirt stains, it might have been better

If he invented the moist towelette.

- It's th century us.

Look at me wearing a powdered wig.

- What's on your head, cosmo? - A powdered donut.

Both stylish and delicious.

- Hey, earl.

We're gonna go visit the earl of nachos.

Apparently he invented something pretty awesome.

I don't know what it is,

But the earl of movie theaters is dying to get his hands on it.

- Let's see.

Roast beef, lettuce, bread.

If only there were a way to jam them all together

And shove them in my mouth at the same time.

- I don't think this earl guy

Is gonna share his roast beef,

So I'm going for those nachos.

- Come on, cosmo, we better go get sparky.

The fate of nachos is in our hands.

- That's a lot of pressure and a lot of squirty cheese.

- Eureka!

I can use these two pieces of bread

As a convenient carrying case.

- Kid from the future coming through.

Don't interact with me. Hey-ho!

Is that peppered ham?

- Oh, dear, you've made me spill my flagon of ox milk.

Look, the bread is soaking up the spill.

Gracious me, I invented the spill soaker upper.

- It's called a sponge, dude. - I invented the sponge dude!

- I'm going to be famous!

- We're back, timmy.

We stopped sparky from eating the nachos

And introduced him to the earl of kibble,

So everything is okay.

- Mmm, I'd love a corn beef on rye.

Where's the earl of sandwich? - What?

No, what? I didn't do it!

Uh, why don't we go see another fairy godkid?

Move, move, move!

Ooh, ben franklin.

How about we visit him? - Good idea.

I think I owe little benny an apology.

Last time I saw him,

I told him to go fly a kite.

[Dramatic music]

♪

Holy cow, he's still flying a kite.

It was just an expression.

Oh, no, I just remembered

I told little amelia earhart to get lost!

- Benny, we're going inside.

It's pouring rain out here. - What do you mean?

You're the one who told me to fly a kite.

- If I told you to jump in a lake,

Would you?

Oh, no! - What?

Cosmo, you didn't tell one of our other godkids

To jump in a lake, did you?

- No, I just remembered I left my bowling ball

At fred and wilma's.

[Lightning zaps]

- Ha, ha, the lightning missed me.

[Shouts and screams]

Well, at least water doesn't conduct electricity.

[Screams]

- Oh, no, sparky. We got to go save him.

Do you have a colonial squirrel in your mouth?

[Squirrel gibbers]

[Dramatic music]

- Oh, no, ben! Watch out for the lightning!

[Screams]

- I say, why did you forcibly throw me to the ground?

- Uh, wasn't me. It was, um, the wind.

- Well, mysterious stranger,

You've made me realize

Lightning is a dangerous source of energy,

So I'm gonna figure out how to power things

With something else.

A potato, maybe.

- Wait, no! Electricity's not bad.

I mean, I'm the wind.

- What happened to benny? - Who knows?

I mean, stop blaming me for things.

Who's the next kid?

- Oh, that's megan bacon.

- [Screams] not megan bacon.

- What's so bad about her? - Nothing now.

But when she was a kid, she was the--

Oh, what's the word? Oh, yeah--

Embodiment of evil.

- She wasn't that bad, cosmo.

You know, timmy,

She went on to open the cake 'n bacon.

- That's my favorite restaurant. I want to meet her!

- Timmy, you can't interact with her, remember?

- Of course not. I'm the wind.

Let's go!

Hey, where's the old version of you guys?

- We were hiding in the closet,

Which I'm gonna go do now.

She's terrifying, timmy. Come on, sparky!

- Will you two morons get back here?

- Hey, who are you? - Me?

Oh, I'm, uh, the mailman.

I just came in your room to tell you

There's no mail today.

You know, someone told me you were terrifying,

But you look harmless.

- I'm sweet as pie.

[Laughs maniacally]

I'm just miserable

'Cause my fairies are making me do my homework.

They never let me play. - Really?

That's crazy.

Kids shouldn't be oppressed by homework,

Chores, and responsibilities.

You should do whatever you want to do.

- Great idea, mr. Mailman.

Let's play super villain and victim.

I'll be the diabolical caped bacon,

And you'll be the loser I annihilate

With my bacon blaster.

- Okay. Wait, what?

- Feel the burn!

[g*n zaps]

- [Screaming]

Hot bacon!

You're the embodiment of evil!

- This is way more fun than homework.

My reign of terror begins.

- Is the little demon gone? - Nah, he's still here.

How's it hanging, timmy?

- Sport, you didn't interact with megan, did you?

- Me? No, what? Megan, what, who?

Why don't we forget the whole silly time traveling?

Let's go celebrate your anniversary at the cake 'n bacon

With your best fairy godkid ever.

- We can't, timmy.

Little mahatma gandhi didn't eat bacon.

- No, me. I'm the best fairy godkid.

- [Laughing] oh, good one.

- Hey, wait a minute. What happened to dimmsdale?

Oh, no, I totally messed up the future.

I'm the worst fairy godkid ever!

- If your dad was here, he'd totally put a cone on you.

- Sparky, dimmsdale gone crazy!

What have I done to the world?

[expl*si*n]

- That is my cue to berate you, turner.

Because of your meddling,

Little erg the cave boy never invented the wheel!

- So that's why all the cars have weird tires.

- Ee--driving, ow-- hurts, ow!

- And ben franklin never discovered electricity.

- Which explains why dimmsdale is powered by a giant potato.

- And, perhaps worst of all,

The earl of sandwich never invented the sandwich,

Which is why I'm eating a fistful of lunch meat

And squirting mustard into my mouth.

[Groans]

I wanted deli mustard, not dijon!

You didn't mess with the kid who invented with deli mustard.

Did you? - Relax, jorgen.

I'll just get my fairies to un-wish the whole mess.

Cosmo, wanda?

- Don't waste your breath, turner.

Because they failed

To prevent you from ruining the past,

They have been fired as fairy godparents.

- Fired? Where are they?

- Well, cosmo got a big job in advertising.

[Choral music]

- / Off on cell phones!

[Shouts]

- What's a matter you?

I'm paying you to advertise my restaurant.

The sign--she clearly says "pete's pizza."

- I can't read the sign. It keeps spinning.

- You're fired!

- Yay! I hated this job.

Now I can live out my dream of working on my tan

And sipping lemonade.

- And wanda got a job at the fairy world library,

Though I have a feeling that won't last long.

- [Hushed] excuse me.

I'd like to check this book out.

- [Shouting] do you have your library card?

All: shh! - Use your inside voice.

- This is my inside voice!

- Oh, no, how am I gonna fix this without my fairies?

Sparky, you got any ideas?

Oh! I've lost sparky too!

- Nah, I just went back in time to get more bacon.

- Wait a minute, if you can travel back in time,

That means we can fix everything I messed up.

- Well, hurry up.

I have to figure out what to do

With this handful of tuna salad.

[Game device beeping tune]

- Erg, game bad.

Wheel good.

- You know I can speak, right?

I totally just b*at your high score.

- What? No way.

Two-player mode, you and me, right now.

I mean, just finish the wheel!

- [Grunting]

- Okay, first problem fixed.

- Never say "fixed" in front of a dog, timmy.

- Just poof us to the earl of sandwich.

- This is perfect.

I can use the rye bread to mop up this gravy

And the pumpernickel for the really tough spills.

- Okay, just stop it!

You're supposed to use the bread to hold the food together,

Like this!

Where's the roast beef?

- [Muffled] I don't know.

- Spit it out, sparky.

The fate of the world is at stake.

- This is fantastic! I'll call it the sports bra.

- Just call it "the sandwich," bozo.

- [Gasps] the sandwich bozo.

That has a nice ring to it.

Thank you, weird kid with a feminine hat.

- Come on, sparky.

Let's go push ben franklin into a bolt of lightning.

Hey, ben, time to go back outside

And discover electricity.

- But potatoes are the power source of the future

And the perfect side dish for sandwich bozos.

Maybe someday I'll use a giant potato

To power a whole town, kind of.

- Sounds like this dude's already been hit by lightning.

- Just go.

- [Screams]

- Are you alive? - Just barely.

- Good enough. Our work here is done.

Yeah! We did it.

Dimmsdale's back to normal.

But why aren't cosmo and wanda back?

There must be something I still haven't fixed.

- Please stop saying "fixed."

- Timmy turner, we meet again.

- Megan bacon? Is that you?

- That's right, timmy,

And because you encouraged me to be myself,

I never opened the cake 'n bacon.

Instead, I lived out my dream of being an evil super villain,

The caped bacon!

- Okay, sister.

It was cute when you were ten,

But an adult bacon-themed villain

Is super lame.

- Really?

Let's see if you think this is lame.

Grease release!

- Whoa!

- Wow, I don't know whether to be terrified

Or lick the highway.

- Sparky, we got to go back in time

And stop her from being herself,

'Cause herself stinks.

- You got it, timmy. - Not so fast.

Your fairy dog can't help you.

In fact, no one can stop me from fulfilling

My high-cholesterol evil plan.

[Laughing]

- Hang on, sparky! I'll save you!

- Take your time, dude. She's got a lot of bacon.

[Screams]

- This is terrible.

I got to figure out what she's up to

And rescue sparky,

But where did she take him?

And I have my answer.

- Hey, nut job, I got to watch my cholesterol.

You got an turkey bacon?

- Turkey bacon's not real bacon!

- I got to stop her. Oh, I know.

I'll just wait until her diet kills her.

- Soon my giant frying pan will cook fairy world,

And I'll destroy cosmo and wanda for trying to stop me

From becoming the evil super villain

I was meant to be.

[Cackles]

- Not so fast, megan bacon.

Whoa!

[Grunts]

- Nice try, timmy,

But I've coated the floors with bacon grease.

- Why?

- It's part of my bacon-themed villainy.

- Cosmo and wanda were only trying to help.

They just wanted you to use your love

Of delicious comfort foods for good instead of evil.

Anyway, my magic dog and I are gonna stop you right now.

Get her, boy!

Ladies and gentlemen, my loyal dog, sparky.

[Screams and grunts]

- Ha!

I've trapped you with my ba-constraints.

- Wow, this stuff is thick.

- It's canadian bacon.

In two minutes, fairy world will be completely fried.

Then I'll place it on a giant paper towel

To absorb all the grease!

[Laughs]

And now, to boil you alive in molten lava.

- Okay, how's that bacon-themed?

- I ran out of bacon ideas. Sue me.

[Dramatic music]

- [Screams]

- I got you, timmy,

And I brought reinforcements too.

All: heroes of history, unite!

- Seriously?

I'll smash you all into bacon bits.

Ooh, that's good.

I should use that one instead of the lava thing.

Anyway, you're too late. Fairy world is doomed.

- Hurry, guys.

We only have a minute to save cosmo and wanda.

- [Shouts] ow, my foot!

You hairy little jerk.

- Electricity powers, activate!

- I'm blinded intermittently!

[Screams]

- Good work, guys.

You're, um, a force to be reckoned with.

Now it's time to shut down that frying pan.

- Think again. You're all history.

- Technically, only three of us are from history.

- Shut up, ben franklin.

Fairy world is about to go on my sizzle reel.

Ha, I am k*lling it with the bacon puns.

♪

- Is it me, or is it getting hot in here?

All: shh!

- I've finally fulfilled my lifelong dream

Of sitting on a street corner, sipping lemonade.

[Fairies screaming]

- Cosmo, fairy world's burning up.

We got to poof ourselves out of here.

- Can't you see I'm working?

- We cannot escape!

The evil megan bacon has put a butterfly net

Over fairy world!

- That fairy godkid has been nothing but trouble.

- Yeah, megan always was a bad seed.

- I was talking about timmy. Who's megan?

- Guys, we got to get to that control panel.

But how?

- [Laughs triumphantly]

I've got three letters for you, megan bacon.

B-l-t.

[Buzzer blares]

- We did it! Fairy world is saved.

- And we all got blts!

- Why, you little...

Ah, bacon grease!

[Grunts and groans]

- There's the monster who's behind all this.

- You're still talking about timmy, aren't you?

- Duh. Ooh, sandwich bozos!

- Thank goodness you guys are okay.

Now, I wish I had never interfered

With megan's life

And everything was back to normal.

My wish worked!

Megan's lair turned back into the cake 'n bacon.

- Oh, no. Timmy, she's back.

- Welcome to the cake 'n bacon.

We have two specials today: cake and bacon

And bacon and cake.

- I'll have cake and bacon. - I'll have cake and bacon.

- I'll also have cake and bacon.

- I'll have the veal. - We don't have that.

- Oh, no.

Timmy must've screwed up the past.

To the earl of veal!

- Cake and bacon for everyone.

- Well, timmy, I hope you learned your lesson.

Oh, why do I even bother saying that anymore?

- I'm sorry, wanda.

I guess I really messed up your anniversary.

- Oh, don't b*at yourself up, timmy.

The point is, everything is back to normal.

- I just have one question.

When sparky brought erg, ben, and the earl

Back from the past,

Wouldn't that mess something up?

- Honey, I'm gonna play with my world

Of tiny people now.

I'm gonna go drop this building on tiny dinkleberg.

[Laughs]