09x22 - Dimmsdale Tales

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ Timmy is an average kid

♪ That no one understands

♪ Mom and dad and vicky always giving him commands ♪

- Bed, twerp!

- ♪ The doom and gloom up in his room ♪

♪ Is broken instantly

♪ By his magic little fish who grant his every wish ♪

♪ 'Cause in reality

♪ They are his oddparents

♪ Fairly oddparents

- Wands and wings.

- Float-y crown-y things.

- ♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪

♪ Really mod, pea pod, buff bod, hot rod ♪

- Obtuse, rubber goose, green moose, guava juice,

Giant snake, birthday cake, large fries, chocolate shake!

- ♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪

♪ It flips your lid when you are the kid ♪

♪ With fairly oddparents - yeah, right.

[Ominous music]

♪

[Idyllic music]

- Attention, squirrely scouts,

Welcome to our annual camping trip.

Now start camping.

[Blows sea conch]

I blew into the shell.

Why aren't you camping?

- 'Cause you forgot the food

And all the camping equipment.

All you brought was your weird shell.

You're not even wearing your squirrelly scout uniform.

- Oh, but I am, timmy.

Mainly because the zipper broke last year

And I haven't been able to get it off.

[Triumphant music]

- Big squirrel with a stupid shell.

Bark bark bark bark bark.

- [Exclaims]

- Sparky, no,

That's timmy's dad.

- More squirrels.

I love camping.

Bark bark bark bark.

[Both scream]

- It's dark, and I'm sad and cold.

- I'd say let's set up a campfire,

Except my dad also forgot the firewood.

- Firewood's old-fashioned, mr. Caveman.

I brought something more hip and now--

Everyone gather round and warm your hands

By the laptop.

- I'm still cold. It's not working.

- That's because it's buffering, you whiny city slicker.

- Okay, well, until my dad's fire gets going,

Why don't we pass the time by telling scary stories?

- Oh, I have a terrifying tale.

This is the story of a lovely lady

Who was bringing up three very lovely girls.

- That's not a scary story.

That's a copyrighted tv show theme song.

- Oh, but it is scary.

Four girls in one house?

Imagine the water bill! - Uh, yeah.

Why don't I just take it from here?

This would be spookier if I had a flashlight,

But I'll make it work.

Wanda, how about setting the mood?

[Exciting music]

[Moon whines as it rises]

[Dog howling wolf-like]

Okay, get ready to have the pants scared off you.

- I would love to get the pants scared off me.

This squirrely scout uniform has been chafing for months.

- Stop talking!

[Clears throat]

Okay, it was a dark and stormy night.

[Dramatic music]

- [Shrieking]

- A regular guy and his talking dog

Were playing a scary video game

Where you fight a shrieking banshee

With ordinary household items.

- Take that, banshee.

Blender to the shins.

Ironing board to the solar plexus.

- [Shrieking]

- We did it. We defeated the stupid banshee.

- And we'll never hear that horrible scream again.

- Cosmo. [Both scream]

I'm going to the store.

Did you two scare yourselves playing that game?

- Nothing scares me, wanda.

Gah! A gray version of me on the wall.

- That's your shadow, cosmo.

- I knew that.

Gah! There's a gray version of you on the wall too, sparky.

Oops. Forgot my umbrella.

Whoa-oa!

[Both scream]

- That sounded like the banshee.

- But the game's not on.

- [Screams]

Both: [screaming] the banshee is back.

- Don't hurt me. Take gray me instead.

Oh, no, it took gray me.

[Both screaming]

[Doorbell rings]

- [Shrieks]

Cosmos, sparky, let me in!

- Gah, the banshee knows our names.

It's only a matter of time before she finds out

Our social security numbers and steals our identities.

- She's out for revenge because we b*at her

In the video game.

- That makes total sense.

Once we b*at her, she turned real and went outside.

- Cosmos, sparky,

It's me, w--hoa!

- Leave us alone, banshee.

- The only way to stop her is to defeat her

Just like we did in the video game.

- Right. We just need to get ordinary household items.

But where are we gonna find household items in a house?

- I don't know, but I did find some white paint,

Onion juice, and a weedwacker that won't turn off.

- [Screams]

I've got onion juice in my eyes.

What are you lunatics doing?

If I get my hands on you,

You'll be sorry.

[Creepy music]

[Growl-screaming]

- Sparky, the banshee's trying to get in

Through an upstairs window.

Quick, let's set a trap.

- I'll buy us some time by hitting her

In the butt with this handful of bees.

It'll be a relief to get 'em out of my hand.

- [Shrieks]

[Groans]

- She's coming. Hide!

- [Screaming]

- [Trembling]

She's even more hideous in real life

Than in the game.

- "Happy birthday! Make a wish"?

Oh, I wish this was over.

- Yay! - We did it!

We caught the banshee.

- Wanda would be so proud.

- Wanda's not proud.

- How would you know, stupid banshee?

Why don't we call her and find out?

- Good idea, sparky.

Can I borrow your cell phone?

I'm using mine to download a zombie game.

I make it a point to never learn from my mistakes.

[Cell phone ringing]

- Oh, no, the call is coming from inside the banshee.

- That can only mean... The banshee is wanda!

- There is no banshee. I'm wanda, you nincompoops.

- That's exactly what the banshee would say.

Run, sparky! But not too far.

I need to be in wi-fi range to download the rest

Of my zombie game.

[Both scream]

- Come back, you ninnies.

There's no such thing as banshees.

[Screams]

Banshee!

- I can't believe wanda slept

Through the whole banshee att*ck.

- Poor lazy wanda.

- Why don't I pouryou a nice glass of onion juice

And we'll play some more video games?

- Okay.

- The end.

- That wasn't a scary story.

It was terrifying.

Why was there onion juice in the house?

- Dad, you may have missed the point of the story.

- I got bit by a tick, and I miss eating.

- Me too. - I'm starving.

- I'm suing. - Don't worry, guys.

I'll just use my scout skills to forage for food.

I'll be in the woods, should any colorful squirrels

Feel like helping me!

Good news-- I found nuts, berries,

And a pizza delivery man.

- Hi, everybody.

I'm a totally non-magical pizza delivery man.

- What? No garlic knots?

Who organized this stupid camping trip?

- You did.

Now do you want to hear

Another scary story?

All: yes!

- Okay, this one is about a man named turner.

- Ooh, he sounds handsome.

- Trying to tell a story here, dad.

- And I'm trying to establish a rich visual image

Of the main character in my head.

- Stop talking, dad!

[Cheerful music]

♪

Turner didn't know it, but he was about to take

The most terrifying flight of his life.

- Ooh, I'm so excited.

Mr. Ed leadly is sending me on my very first business trip.

And, even better, I won't be

Anywhere near my evil neighbor dinkleberg.

- I'm gonna miss you, turner.

- [Shouts] dinkleberg.

Why am I in your car?

- You asked me to postpone

My appendix surgery and drive you to the airport.

- And, like the calculating fiend you are,

You agreed.

- So long. I'd wave,

But my life-threatening appendicitis

Has weakened me.

Have a good flight. [Coughs]

- How I fly is none of your business,

You nosy bloodsucker.

- I'll pick you up monday morning.

- Mm, there may be traffic.

Come sunday night and sleep in your car.

- Okay.

- Let's see, totally safe airlines,

Nothing to fear airlines--

Ooh, there's mine. American scare-lines.

[Haunting organ music]

♪

Well, this is a little creepy.

But anything's better than being around dinkleberg.

[Organ music playing]

♪

- I thought you might enjoy

A little music while you wait.

- Quit stalking me,

You musically-gifted monster.

Boy, there's nothing like flying high in the sky

Enjoying a tiny bag of peanuts

A million miles away from dinkleberg.

[Shouts] there's a man

On the wing of the plane!

Can I have your tiny nuts?

- Is there a problem, sir?

- [Shouts] dinkleberg.

I'm either seeing things, or I'm allergic to tiny nuts.

Hey, if you're going to scare me,

At least bring me more snacks.

- If you're hungry, you can have the food I bought

At the duty-free shop.

- Sounds good.

I prefer my food duty-free.

[Shouts] two dinklebergs?

Oh, no. I've got double-dinkle-vision.

Get a grip, turner.

There's no way you just saw two dinklebergs.

You're just a little freaked out.

Maybe an in-flight movie will calm you down.

Cloudy with a chance of dinkleberg...

No. How to train your dinkleberg.

Boring. Ooh, titanic.

Nothing like watching a good disaster movie on a plane.

- I'm king of the world.

Oh, no.

This ship's hit a dinkleberg.

- Wait a second.

All these movies have dinkleberg in them.

Who the heck picked these?

All: we did, turner.

- Gah!

A plane full of dinklebergs.

I'm also out of tiny nuts again.

[Screams]

- Oh, timmy, please tell me that scary story is over.

- Maybe if you had brought marshmallows to roast,

We would have something else to do

Other than tell scary stories.

- But I did remember the marshmallows.

- You did? Where are they?

- Ooh, I ate them all.

All: aww.

- You gave me hope

And took it away.

- I eat when I'm scared, timmy.

And nothing's scarier than a plane full of dinklebergs.

- Well, if you think the beginning was scary,

Wait till you hear how it ends.

- Nooo!

I thought there was one more marshmallow

In the bag, but there isn't.

- Anyway, turner was trapped

On a plane full of dinklebergs.

- [Screaming]

This can't be happening.

- How's your flight, turner?

- Take my first class seat, turner.

- Want to use my frequent flier miles, turner?

- [Screams] - if you're scared,

You can have my baby's blankie.

- Goo-goo, ga-ga, turner.

- Gah. A dinkle-lady holding a dinkle-baby.

- I've got to get off this plane.

Captain, we have to make an emergency landing.

This plane is possessed by dinkle-demons.

- Don't be silly, turner.

The only thing this plane possesses

Is an undying commitment to its customer satisfaction.

- [Exclaiming]

This flight is my second worst nightmare.

My worst nightmare is the one where they cancel

Casual fridays at work.

What am I going to do with all those hawaiian shirts?

The only way to end this nightmare

Is to take that baby's blankie

And jump off this plane.

Gah! Yah!

[Laughs] that's it.

I'm dinkle-done with this flight.

- I'm ready to jump when you are, turner.

We're hugging. - [Exclaims]

This is worse than having too many hawaiian shirts.

[Exclaims] forget the chute.

I'll take my chances by landing on that national landmark.

Oh, no, it's mount dinklemore.

That monster is everywhere.

[Echoing laughter]

That's it. My only hope of getting

Off this accursed plane is with the help

Of that creature who's ripping apart the wing.

[Exclaims]

Excuse me, mr. Creature.

I know you're a little busy destroying the landing gear,

But can you help me get off this plane?

And, on an unrelated note, please don't be dinkleberg.

- Of course it's me, turner.

I noticed this wing was looking a little shoddy,

So I thought I'd put my life at risk

To make sure you have the best flight ever.

- Why, thank you.

I mean, no!

[Screams]

[Whimpering]

Thank goodness, I escaped with these nut bags.

- [Grunts]

- Oh, thank goodness you're not dinkleberg.

Whatever you do, don't get on that plane.

It was a nightmare at , dinkle-feet.

- Get away from me, you nut bag.

And give me one of those nut bags!

What a kook.

There's no way I'm skipping out

On a relaxing week away from mother.

[Organ music] - [howls]

- Ah, that must be the signal to board.

[Giggles]

Excuse me, flight attendant,

Can I get some more peanuts?

- Don't eat too many, denzel.

You'll spoil your in-flight dinner.

- Mother? All: yes, denzel.

- [Screams] I don't want my mommy!

[All screaming]

- [Continues screaming]

That was even more horrifying than the last story.

How could something so terrible happen to someone so handsome?

[All scream]

- It's dark. - I'm still suing.

- Guys, relax.

The fire just went to sleep.

- You're so good with the outdoors, timmy.

It's a shame the camping trip is over.

Oh, well. Time to go home and not listen

To any more scary stories.

- Actually, dad, it's only been minutes

Since we got here.

Plus, I have one more story to tell.

And this one's about love.

- Human intimacy-- the scariest thing of all.

- I love romantic stories.

It's a good excuse to cuddle.

- Oh, cosmo. [Screams]

- Not with you, squirrel banshee!

- Like I was saying, this next story

Takes place on a romantic date.

Two teenagers named cosmo and wanda

Were parked on a romantic seaside cliff.

- Is this the same cosmo and wanda from your first story?

Real original, timmy.

- Okay, fine, their names were carlsbad and wandalyn.

- Those names are stupid, timmy.

- Really, dad? What's your first name?

- Oh, I see your point.

Anyway, do any of you kids have an antacid?

I ate an entire bag of marshmallows.

- Stop talking! - What if I'm on fire?

Can I say something then?

- There's not gonna be a fire

'Cause you forgot the firewood!

- [Babbles]

- As I was saying, carlsbad and wandalyn

Were at lovers' lane.

- Ohh, carlsbad, it's so romantic

Of you to bring me here.

- Romantic? Oh, no, I just forgot to fill up my gas t*nk.

I also forgot the keys.

Luckily, we rolled down a steep hill.

- Well, now that we're here,

Do you want to put your arm around me?

- No, I should probably keep my hand on the brake.

It's the only thing keeping us from rolling off the cliff

Into a watery grave.

Ah, watery grave.

That reminds me of the watery gravy

My mother made last thanksgiving.

She also burnt the yams.

Speaking of thanksgiving,

I have a scary story about a fisherman

Named rusty the hook.

- What does a scary story

Have to do with thanksgiving?

- You obviously never had to watch my aunt bernice

Eat cranberry sauce.

- Just get to the scary story!

- Right. It's about rusty the hook

And his loyal dog sparky.

- Wasn't that the name of the dog in the other--

- Fine. A dog named sparkplug.

Are you happy?

- I'd be happier

If I could talk when I was on fire.

Also I'm not crazy about the name sparkplug.

- Stop talking!

- Sparkplug, I'm gonna need a bigger hook

If we both want to eat tonight.

- Can't we just get takeout?

- Only the pizza place delivers to the ocean,

And I'm lactose-intolerant.

- Once again your dietary restrictions are ruining my fun.

Why don't you use this hook, rusty?

- That's crazy.

Then again, I just found out I have a talking dog,

So everything's a little nuts right now.

We're gonna eat good tonight, sparkplug.

[Shouts]

- Well, at least the fish got dinner.

- There's a wooden kid in here

Who wants to be a real boy.

- And since that fateful day,

If you park your car at lovers' lane,

You might just see the ghost of rusty the hook

Haunting the bluff.

Or that creepy wooden boy.

- Oh, carlsbad, that's not true.

It's just an old wives' tale.

- I know, but I wasn't gonna argue with the old wife

Who told it to me.

She was holding a steak Kn*fe.

Gah, it's the ghost of rusty the hook!

- Ahoy, I'm not rusty.

I'm a pirate with a hook for a hand.

Actually, I'm not even a pirate.

I'm a dentist going to a costume party.

Do you guys know where valley village lane is?

- I'd point you in the right direction,

But I'm white-knuckling this emergency brake.

- Okay, then can I at least join you?

The people who are throwing the costume party

Are total bores.

- Take a hike, peg leg. [Scratching]

[Dramatic music]

Gah! It's rusty the hook!

- I'm not rusty the hook.

I'm just a kid playing hooky.

- Well, shame on you.

- It's not skipping school.

It's a weird game I made up

Where I scrape hooks on cars. [Chuckles]

Bye. - Well, the joke's on you.

'Cause this is not my car.

Sorry about your car, wandalyn.

[Metallic screeching]

[Both whimpering]

It's rusty the hook.

- I'm not rusty the hook.

I'm a basketball player practicing my hook sh*t.

- How do you explain the screeching sound?

- It was that kid again.

He's still playing hooky on your car.

- Get away from my car, you little brat!

Carlsbad, you're getting scared for nothing.

Rusty the hook is not real.

[Both screaming]

Oh, no,

Rusty the hook is totally real.

- In your face, wandalyn.

I didn't--gah.

[Both screaming]

Clunk!

- Silly teenagers.

I am rusty the hook,

But I'm not a ghost.

That's just a stupid story.

I'm a tow truck driver,

And you're parked illegally.

- Well, give her the bill.

This is just a first date.

I don't know where this is going.

[Heroic music]

♪

Wow, rusty, that's one big tow truck hook

You got there.

- [Growls]

Oh, what do I care?

It's not my car.

- [Sobs] oh, timmy.

That was scary. I never saw the fish coming.

Thank goodness I found this smelly teddy bear

To cuddle with. - [Whimpers]

- [Roars]

[Roars louder] - [screams]

You're on your own, scouts.

Luckily, I didn't bring any camping stuff,

So the cleanup will be a snap.

- [Shouts] you're parked illegally.

And on my foot.

- [Screams] it's rusty the hook!

- [Screams]

- Gah! Banshee!

Timmy, your freaky imagination is coming to life.

I'm getting out of here!

[Screams]

- Hey, turner, I noticed your wiper blades

Were a little worn, so I took the liberty

Of hiking all the way out here and changing them for you.

- [Whimpers]

Go back to your scare-plane,

You dinkle-bane of my existence.

- Whoa! The wipers work.

- At last I'm free.

Again, I didn't see the fish coming.

Hello, wooden boy.

You happen to have an antacid?

- Nope. - Okay. I know you're lying,

'Cause your nose just grew.

- Hey, guys, I'm gonna go look

For a place to sleep tonight.

I'll be in the bushes,

Should any colorful squirrels

Feel like helping me.

Good news.

I found nuts, berries,

And a luxury hotel.

[Cheers]

- But I'm allergic to luxury hotels.

- You know, this camping trip

Didn't turn out so bad after all.

- Sport, your father was eaten by a fish.

- Oh, yeah. I wish my dad was out of the fish.

[Triumphant music]

- [Belches]

- Thanks, cosmo and wanda.

- You already used those names.

- Stop talking, dad!