09x09 - The Bored Identity/Country Clubbed

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ Timmy is an average kid

♪ That no one understands

♪ Mom and dad and vicky always giving him commands ♪

- Bed, twerp!

- ♪ The doom and gloom up in his room ♪

♪ Is broken instantly

♪ By his magic little fish who grant his every wish ♪

♪ 'Cause in reality

♪ They are his oddparents

♪ Fairly oddparents

- Wands and wings.

- Float-y crown-y things.

- ♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪

♪ Really mod, pea pod, buff bod, hot rod ♪

- Obtuse, rubber goose, green moose, guava juice,

Giant snake, birthday cake, large fries, chocolate shake!

- ♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪

♪ It flips your lid when you are the kid ♪

♪ With fairly oddparents

- Yeah, right.

[Exciting music]

♪

- Dad, you won an award. That's awesome!

- No, it's not.

It the "biggest bore in dimmsdale" award.

Apparently, it was between me and a bag of potting soil,

But the judges felt the potting soil led

A more fulfilling life!

- [Snores] oh, honey,

I'd say something to cheer you up,

But I nodded off while you were talking,

And I don't know what the problem is.

- Dad, you're life's not boring.

- Timmy's right, dear.

After all, you do help plants grow.

- That's potting soil!

- Why don't we sit down and watch a movie on tv?

That always makes you feel better.

- Ooh, you're right.

Sitting down on the same old couch,

Watching the same old tv like I do every night

Will get my mind off my boring, repetitive life.

[Both snoring]

[Explosions on tv]

- Welcome back to the bored identity,

The story of jason bored, who on the surface seems

More boring than a bag of potting soil,

But in reality is an international super-spy,

Brain surgeon, and bull fighter.

[Exciting music plays]

♪

[Running footsteps]

[Bull snarling]

- You did it again, ironically named jason bored.

- Booyah!

- Wow, jason bored is so cool!

I wish I could operate on someone's brain

While fighting a bull, but I'm more boohoo

Than booyah. [Brief sob]

- [Snoring]

- Oh, look, I put your mom to sleep again.

Ehh, I better take her to bed.

Yeesh! - Ow, ow, ow, ow.

- Boy, timmy, I feel bad for your dad.

His life is so boring.

- Unlike my life.

I spent the day sorting laundry.

- That sounds pretty dull, cosmo.

- It wasn't mylaundry!

Booyah!

- Guys, I wanna help my dad out.

I wish his life was just as exciting as jason bored's!

- Honey, your boring breakfast is ready.

- That's weird, I don't remember buying

A pair of tuxedo jammies with feety bottoms

That look like dress shoes.

- Good morning, timmy's dad.

I'm sparky. I mean, chiefsparky,

Head of a super-secret spy agency called--

What's it called, timmy? Uh-huh.

It's called "make something up."

- Ooh, it must be secret for you to have to

Disguise yourself in a dog suit.

- Anyway, you're a spy,

And I have an important assignment for you.

Your assignment is to take timmy to school.

- But I do that every day. - Today's different

Because the diabolical criminal organization f.o.e.,

Forces of evil, will be after you.

- Well, I have one thing to say to them.

Booyah! My life is exciting now!

Now please leave.

I've gotta go to the bathroom, and I can't do that

With you watching. [Toilet flushes]

- Guys, this is awesome.

From now on, my dad's life is gonna be a thrill a minute.

- Yeah, I know how that feels.

I don't wanna brag, but I just did some light dusting.

It wasn't mydust!

Booyah!

- Hi, honey!

- Wow, you said something, and I'm still awake.

- That's because I'm exciting now.

[Intruders grunt]

Ooh, ooh, it's the bad guys.

Watch this.

[All cry out]

- Wow, honey. When did you become a spy?

And in a possibly unrelated question,

When did we get an eel lever?

- Apparently, I've always been a spy.

Anyway, that's what the guy in the dog suit

On the toilet tv said.

- That's nice. How do you want your eggs?

- I'm too exciting for eggs!

Besides, f.o.e. Is after me,

And I've gotta take timmy to school.

Well, maybe I'll take a cereal bar.

[Tires screech]

- Dad, why didn't you just open the garage door?

- Too boring.

[Engine revs, tires screech]

Nothing exciting has happened in the last five seconds.

Maybe I should accelerate into that fuel truck.

- No, dad. I'm sure you're about to get an update

On your mission from the man in the dog suit

Who's learned all his lines.

- How is he gonna give me an update?

I left the toilet at home.

- Good morning, agent timmy's dad.

- Yay! Spies have toilets in their cars!

Take the wheel. If you get bored,

Just accelerate into that fuel truck.

[Truck horn blaring]

- Aah!

[Tires screech]

- F.o.e. Has learned of your secret mission

To take your son to school.

In fact, they're on your tail right now.

- Dad, look in your rearview mirror.

- But I don't want to see my rear.

- Aah! Cliff!

- Hi, cliff.

Cliff seemed nice. Also, the road ended.

- Aah!

Aah! I wish there was a button in the car

That would turn it into a boat.

Dad, push the button!

That's the glove compartment!

- I know. I got a little lightheaded,

So I was gonna take a bite out of my cereal bar.

Ah! [Button beeps]

[Exciting music]

♪

Timmy, take the wheel again.

[g*n f*ring]

- Aah! - Oh!

- Booyah!

This is the most exciting day of my life!

- Hello, agent timmy's dad. We need your help.

Since you're the greatest brain surgeon in the world,

We need you to perform a brain operation

On a brilliant scientist.

- Did you hear what the toilet dog

In the dashboard said, timmy?

I'm a brain surgeon, just like jason bored!

- Uh, dad, there's the hospital.

Aren't you gonna park? - Your questions bore me!

- Thank goodness you're here, agent timmy's dad.

That's dr.agent timmy's dad.

Now, let's get to work, nurse boom boom.

Scalpel. - Scalpel.

- Curling iron. - Curling iron.

- Nine iron. - Nine iron.

- Pulled pork sandwich. - Pulled pork sandwich.

- Yee, I think that clock is broken.

There! I fixed the patient's brain!

I also gave him laser vision

And a scary metal karate chop hand!

- [Laughs]

- Yeah! - Whoo-hoo!

- Oh, you think that's good,

I also gave the clock a scary metal second hand.

Booyah!

[Exciting music]

♪

This has been the greatest day ever, timmy.

Now to complete my mission and drop you off at school.

- Uh, aren't you gonna stop the car?

- That's a dumb idea.

[Tires screech]

- School's over, dad!

[Kids cheering] - still counts.

Ooh, I think I ran over your evil math teacher

Mr. cr*cker.

- It's crocker, and I'm still under the car!

Both: booyah!

- My dad had the most exciting day ever.

- Well, I don't want to brag, timmy,

But I think my day was a little more exciting than his.

I balanced my checkbook and alphabetized

My dvd collection.

Now it's my ddv collection. Booyah!

- This is chet ubetcha with breaking news.

The city is being att*cked by a mad scientist

With laser vision and a scary metal karate chop hand.

Up next, find out which household throw pillows

Are secretly k*lling you.

- Oh, no, that's the guy my dad operated on!

He must have spilled pulled pork sandwich

Onto his brain and turned him into a supervillain.

- Timmy, did you hear the news?

[All scream]

Throw pillows are secretly k*lling me!

- Aah! - Aah!

[Both scream]

Eee--ooh!

[All grunt]

[Electricity crackling]

- The eels electrified the f.o.e. Agents,

And now they're superpowered.

- [Cries out]

- Guys, things are getting a little too exciting

For my dad.

- Ooh, I know how he feels.

I'm on hold with tech support,

And I don't even own a computer.

Booyah!

- Just poof it all away!

Both: aah!

[Both crying out]

[Both scream]

- Oh, no, the electricity shorted out their wands.

We don't have any magic. - Aah!

I turn you into a freak, and this is the thanks I get?

[Whimpers]

We're doomed, son. I'm tired of the excitement.

I want to go back to my old boring life,

Where I wake up in my boring bed,

Then have breakfast with my boring family.

No offense.

[All groan]

- None taken, dad. Keep talking.

You're putting them to sleep.

- Then I get in my boring car

And go to my boring job, where I push boring pencils!

[Villains snoring] - I did it, timmy!

I defeated the bad guys with my boring powers!

You know, maybe being boring isn't so bad after all.

[Snoring]

- Oh, dear, I better take your father to bed.

- [Snoring]

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

- Okay, guys, this wish is officially over.

Poof the bad guys away.

- Face it, timmy, some people just aren't

Cut out to live on the wild side.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've gotta sew

New name tags in my underwear.

It's my name, but it's not my underwear!

Booyah!

- This toilet will self-destruct

In three, two--

Uh, what comes next, timmy?

- One! - One!

- Coming up next, is your household toilet

Secretly expl*sive?

- Booyah!

[Upbeat music]

♪

- [Eating noisily]

- Hey, everybody, I'm back from the fairy world swap meet.

- I hope you didn't spend too much money.

- Oh, they don't take money. It's a swap meet.

You swap meat for things you want.

I swapped a christmas ham for this brain-switching machine.

Aah!

- Whoa! - [Grunts]

[Eerie frequency sweep]

[Ding]

- Squirrel!

- [Gasps, chattering]

- Bark, bark, bark.

- Oh, it doesn't work.

And now I'm out a perfectly good christmas ham!

[Groans]

- Cosmo, it did work!

And now I have the sudden urge

To scoot my butt across the floor.

- Don't worry, wanda,

I wish you and sparky were back to normal.

- Oh, no, our wands don't recognize us

Now that our brains are switched.

- Our marriage just got super interesting.

Way to spice things up, wanda.

- Oh, timmy, we have great news.

We were hit my a limousine!

- How is that great news?

- Well, the limo belongs to the buxaplenties,

The richest family in town!

- And to keep us from suing them,

They invited us to join their fancy shmancy country club.

- What's it called?

- The fancy shmancy country club.

I was dragged for yards, timmy.

- Whoa! The fancy shmancy country club is

The most awesome place ever.

When you belong, you get a million special privileges.

Their son remy got a butler to go to school for him.

- Quite a gripping essay, little remy buxaplenty.

It's like you were actually on the titanic

When it sank a hundred years ago.

- That iceberg came out of nowhere.

I mean, i-- I wasn't there.

I'm only ten.

- Guys, this is gonna be great!

All we have to do is act super classy,

Have great manners, and-- whoa, tap the brakes.

What are you doing there?

- That's what I said to the limo driver.

- We're eating mashed potatoes with plungers,

Like we always do.

- Well, stop it!

If we're gonna last in that country club,

You'll have to be on your best behavior.

- Excuse me, miss manners.

Next you'll be telling us we shouldn't comb our hair

With the toilet brush!

- Oh, look, the buxaplenties sent

Their private helicopter to pick us up.

- I was b*rned by a muffler, timmy!

Alley-oop! Aah!

Ooh!

Looks like I ate one potato plunger too many.

- Hello, turners.

Welcome to the fancy shmancy country club.

- Hi, mr. Buxaplenty.

I hope it's okay we brought timmy.

I know you didn't hit him with your limo...

- But you can if you want.

- Maybe later.

But let me give you the grand tour.

Over there we have a golf course,

Tennis courts, and a law court,

For when people sue you for hitting them with your limo.

- Wow, this place is fancy shmancy.

- I'm never going home!

I wish I'd brought an extra pair of underpants,

But I guess I can always wash the ones I'm wearing

In the pool. - Dad!

- Oh, you're right, timmy.

I'm not wearing underpants.

I'm wearing the shopping bag my plunger came in.

- And this is where the wealthiest families in dimmsdale

Come to wine and dine.

Over there are the cashalots,

The cashforgolds, and the cashdeposits.

And, of course, barry deeppockets

And his butler will workforcash.

- Honey, free food! Oh, hurry!

I'm gonna shove as many lobsters as I can

In my plunger shopping bag underpants.

- [Munching]

- Mom, dad, no, stop!

You're gonna get us kicked out!

- [Laughs] how charming, turner!

Do you always eat with plungers?

- Well, when we're really hungry, we use snow shovels.

- Wow! There's a soda fountain!

[Slurping]

A chocolate fountain!

And even a hamburger fountain! Wow!

[Munching] - great news, timmy!

- You were able to swap wanda and sparky's brains back?

- I'm starting to think you don't know

What "great news" means.

I got another christmas ham!

There's a christmas ham fountain behind the hamburger fountain!

Now nothing can ruin this day!

Except maybe a... [Gasps]

- [Growling]

- Gopher!

- What's the big deal about a gopher?

- According to fairy world prophecy,

Gophers are the sworn enemy of fairies.

- That's just toilet paper.

- Anyway, it says right here that the w*r will begin

When night turns to day, when wanda turns into sparky,

When timmy rolls his eyes and walks away,

And I gotta yell really loud because he's far away!

Thanks for fulfilling the prophecy, timmy!

[Jazzy music]

- Wow!

This place gets more awesome by the minute!

They even have a lazy river

Where a butler does the swimming for you.

This day can't get any better!

- It's about to, timmy,

Because I'm about to fulfill the prophecy.

"The green-haired fairy shall destroyeth the gopher."

That's why I rigged the golf course to explode.

- Doi, doi, doi, da! You did what?

[Screams]

[Blowing]

[Sighs]

- Just like the prophecy says.

"And the beaver boy shall bloweth out

"A single stick of dynamite,

Yet faileth to blow out the other sticks."

- What?

Oh, let's hope nobody noticed that.

[All growling]

- They noticed.

- [Screams]

I can't believe

They threw me out of the country club!

- They also threw you out of the helicopter.

- I love that club!

The hamburger fountain, the lazy river, and most of all,

The feeling that I was better than normal people.

- Bark, bark, bark!

Sometimes you have to accept who you are.

Or in our case, whose body you're in.

I will destroy you, squirrel!

- I take it you couldn't fix the brain-switching machine?

- No, but it's not that bad.

Now that I'm a dog,

I never have to shave my legs again!

- And now that I'm a woman,

I can date mailmen instead of chase them.

Finish your rounds and call me, phil!

- Guess what, timmy. The prophecy's not over.

There's a second ply!

It foretells a different outcome.

It's also double-quilted

And more absorbent for your comfort.

"The beaver boy shalt returneth

To the place of his utter humiliation."

Well, that could be anywhere.

- It's the country club, cosmo!

I just need to get back in there,

And the only way to do that

Is by looking like one of the members.

I wish I was a socialite

Who'd be accepted at the fancy shmancy country club!

[Ding]

[Jazzy music]

♪

[Cash register dinging]

- You look rich. I like you.

What's your name?

- The name's moneyclip. Chip moneyclip.

And this is my butler...

- Steeves!

- The way you throw money around,

You'll fit right in.

Come with me.

You're just in time for the private movie screening.

[Jazzy music]

- All right, everyone.

You're in for a special treat.

It's a mockumentary,

And you won't believe who we're mocking this week.

[Both munching]

- [Giggles]

- Hey, that's my mom and dad!

I mean, who are those tacky people?

- Those are the turners.

Every month, my father runs over

Some classless saps with his limo

And invites them to embarrass themselves

At the club just for our amusement.

[Laughter]

- What buffoons!

- These are the biggest losers yet!

- Hey, everyone!

Come see what the turners are up to now.

[Laughter]

- Cosmo, I can't believe it.

They invited my parents to the club

Just to make fun of them?

- It's all part of the prophecy.

At least, according to the piece

I just discovered stuck to my shoe.

Oops! That's a receipt for the dynamite.

- Don't forget to tip the waiter.

- Oh, right! Where are my manners?

- [Yelps]

[Laughter]

- The buxaplenties have gone too far.

Cosmo, it's time to teach these snobs a lesson.

Cosmo?

[Screams]

- You're mine, gopher!

- [Screams]

- I'm fulfilling the prophecy, timmy!

- The prophecy. That's it!

- Huh?

- Cosmo, wait! There's a third ply!

And it says that you and the gopher

Were brought together to destroy the club.

- That doesn't sound like the prophecy.

But if it's written on toilet paper,

It's gotta be true.

- [Screams] [sighs]

- Oh, no!

Without the country club,

All I have is my -room mansion!

[Weeping]

- I did it, timmy!

I fulfilled the prophecy.

I also accidentally

Launched a m*ssile at mr. Buxaplenty's mansion.

- At least I still have my yacht.

[Weeping]

- No, he doesn't.

[expl*si*n]

- The best part is, I protected my mom and dad,

And they'll never know they were the butt of the joke.

- Hey, timmy.

I just heard buxaplenty lost his mansion and his yacht.

We're too good to hang around with him now.

- What a loser.

- Let's go home.

We'll hitch a ride with chip moneyclip's butler.

[Screeches to a halt]

Home, steeves!

- My limo!

[Weeping]

- It's good to be home, guys.

I'm glad we're not like those rich snobs

Who think they have everything.

- Well, they don't have everything, timmy.

Before we left,

I stuffed my shopping bag underpants with steaks.

- I'll get the plungers!

Bon appetit!

[Both munching]

- I feel like I'm forgetting something.

- Bark! Bark!

I can get used to this!

[Munching]

[Jazzy music]

♪