09x24 - The Fairy Beginning

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ Timmy is an average kid

♪ That no one understands

♪ Mom and dad and vicky always giving him commands ♪

- Bed, twerp!

- ♪ The doom and gloom up in his room ♪

♪ Is broken instantly

♪ By his magic little fish who grant his every wish ♪

♪ 'Cause in reality

♪ They are his oddparents

♪ Fairly oddparents

- Wands and wings.

- Float-y crown-y things.

- ♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪

♪ Really mod, pea pod, buff bod, hot rod ♪

- ♪ Obtuse, rubber goose, green moose, guava juice ♪

♪ Giant snake, birthday cake, large fries, chocolate shake! ♪

- ♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪

♪ It flips your lid when you are the kid ♪

♪ With fairly oddparents - yeah, right.

- Too short.

Too long.

Too Tr*mp.

Aah! - Squirrel!

- That's not a squirrel, sparky. That's my hair!

- What's with the new do, timmy?

- It's obviously a disguise.

He must be on the run again.

- Here's a phony passport, timmy.

Only travel at night and follow the river.

- I'm not on the run this time.

I'm trying on new looks for my yearbook photo.

- Why don't you just use the picture

I took of you this morning?

I snapped it right before you slinked into the reeds

With that lady beaver.

- Hey, that's the beaver that stole my hat.

Seriously, cosmo,

How could anyone mistake me for a beaver?

- Eyes on the ball, timmy.

- [Growls]

- Angrily smacking your tail on the ground

Is not going to make you a better shortstop, son.

- [Grunts] - language, timmy!

- Smart move, timmy-- you've cloned yourself

To throw off the cops for when you go on the run.

- I'm not going on the run.

For once, I just want to look cool

In my yearbook photo.

- Well, maybe looking at our old yearbook

From the fairy academy will give you some ideas.

Check me out, timmy.

I had a pretty cool look.

- Yeah, that's great.

I'll just put on a cheerleader's outfit

And develop a lazy eye.

- Wanda was a looker, all right.

At least with her good eye.

- I didn't have a lazy eye.

Cosmo poked me with his wand

On the morning the picture was taken.

Whoa! Is that jorgen?

Guess that was before he started going to the gym.

- What gym? He's magic.

We could all look like jorgen if we wanted to.

- Look. There I am with my diploma.

You know, timmy, school isn't about how you look

In your yearbook picture.

It's about the education you get.

And that diploma is something they can never take away.

Holy cow! They took it away.

- What's going on?

- I will tell you what is going on.

But first give me that yearbook

So no one can see that picture of me

As a -pound weakling.

- Jorgen, why did cosmo's diploma disappear?

- Because the fairy council just discovered

That cosmo never graduated from the fairy academy.

That means you never became an official fairy godparent!

[Ominous chords] ♪ bum bum bum!

- What are you doing?

- Sorry, that moment was so ominous,

I felt it needed a dramatic music sting.

- What do you mean I didn't graduate?

- There is no record of you turning in

Your final term paper.

- I did turn it in.

I'm as sure of that as I am

That timmy's outside building a dam with his dad.

- I didn't know you could build a dam, timmy.

Then again, I didn't know you had a beaver girlfriend.

I'm not even sure that's legal.

- Cosmo, if you really think you turned in that paper,

Then something must've happened to it.

Who knows, maybe someone sabotaged you.

- You have until the end of the day to prove

You turned in your paper,

Or your godparent days are over.

And since you and wanda are a team,

Timmy will lose you both.

[All screaming]

[Ominous chords] ♪ bum bum bum!

Sorry, I forgot to do that before I left.

- Cosmo, we gotta fix this.

I can't lose you guys.

- There's only one way to find out

What happened to my report.

We have to poof to the fairy world dump

And sort through every piece of paper

That's been thrown out in the last , years.

- I like this plan. I'm excited to be a part of it.

- No! Look, you guys have memory chips

In your wands.

We could review your days at the fairy academy

To find out what happened to cosmo's paper.

- What paper?

- That's why we have memory chips.

- Oh, right, the memory chip.

Ooh! Now I want chips.

[Ominous chords] ♪ bum bum bum!

Boy, that's a catchy tune.

I remember it as if I were watching it right now.

I was staying with my uncle harry

And aunt potter, living under their stairs.

- Why were you living under the stairs?

They gave you a bedroom. - No.

By stares I meant their disapproving gaze.

I think they were angry because I was living under their stairs.

- Get out from under the stairs, you weirdo.

- Cosmo, why are we even watching this memory?

- Because that was the day I got invited

To the fairy academy.

[Owl hooting]

[Both grunting]

Give me that, you stupid owl.

[Yells]

Hey, give me that.

Ooh, a coupon to get my carpets cleaned.

No, I'm wrong.

That was the day I got a coupon to get my carpets cleaned.

- Just fast-forward!

[High-pitched humming]

[Majestic music]

- And there I am at fairy academy.

That's where I met all my close friends

With whom I formed lifelong bonds.

There's... What's-his-name,

That guy, her, those people,

And the girl with the pink hair.

I wonder what happened to her.

- You married her!

- Well, it's a good thing we split up,

'Cause I never would've met you.

- Welcome to the fairy academy.

I am your headmaster, professor dumblesnore.

[Snoring]

[Poke] [shudders]

Thank you, wet willy.

Anyway, students,

You're about to take a series of classes

That will teach you how to be a fairy godparent.

[Snoring]

[Shudders]

Now, students, at the end of the year

You'll have to turn in a final paper

Summarizing what you've learned in all your classes.

Without that paper, you cannot graduate

And become fairy godparents.

- The only paper I'm interested in

Is the one with your phone number on it.

- [Shrill giggling]

- Ooh, I love your laugh.

It's like a goat coughing up a bagpipe.

[Overlapping yelling]

Fast-forward.

Okay, here's the day when I turned in my paper.

- All right, students,

We've come to the year's end.

Time to turn in your final paper.

[Poke] ech!

Why couldn't I have gotten a dog like a normal person?

- Here you go, professor.

I think you'll find it both riveting and thought-provoking.

- This is a coupon

For carpet cleaning.

- Fine, have dirty carpets.

Here's my real paper.

- Whoa! Did you see that? - I sure did, timmy.

You just sprayed apple juice all over my memories.

- No, you did turn in your paper.

But someone stole it.

Maybe if we rewind, we can figure out who did it.

You might've made an enemy during the school year.

- I think you're on to something, timmy.

In the yearbook I was voted

Most likely to make an enemy during the school year.

Let's rewind back to the first day of school.

[High-pitched humming]

- Hello, I am juandissimo.

What do you say we... [Kisses]

Kiss-imo?

- That's flattering.

But I think we should just be friend-dissimos.

Besides, I kinda have a crush on the pink-haired girl.

- So you are my romantic competition.

I challenge you to a duel for pink-haired girl's heart.

- Ahh!

Nice glove.

My turn.

Carne asada!

- Morning, class. I'm professor preston change-o.

In this course you'll learn to grant wishes

For your future fairy godkid.

I'll turn myself into a child so you can practice.

- That's not a child. That's a beaver.

- Cosmo, you're first. I wish for an apple.

- You got it, beaver.

- This isn't an apple. It's a creepy clown.

How do you explain this?

- Well, apples make me think of worms,

Which made me think of fishing.

And I always fish with a creepy clown for good luck.

Last time, I caught a bass.

- And I caught a glimpse into my own dark soul.

[Horn squeaking]

- [Whispering]

- Aww, that's sweet.

- You may have won this round,

But I will stop at nothing to win wanda's love.

I swear I will have my revenge-issimo.

- Did you see that?

I think we have our first suspect.

- You mean the pink-haired girl?

There always was something fishy about her.

Maybe because I put my bass in her backpack.

- No, I'm talking about juandissimo.

Maybe he took your paper.

- I don't know, timmy.

I think we should keep watching.

- I'm professor al lakazam. In this class

You'll learn how to disguise yourself from humans

Who aren't your fairy godkids.

- What do you think of this disguise, teach?

[Roars]

- [Screams]

Oh, look what you've made me do.

Now whoever I hit with my arrow will fall in love with me.

[Monkey chattering]

Oh, no. It's wet willy!

No, your breath smells like bananas.

Oh, I'll get you for this, cosmo!

[Monkey screeching] aah!

- Check it out. Suspect number two.

- You can say that again. It's clearly the monkey.

- Timmy's talking about cupid.

- Timmy's not even here.

He's outside with his dad

Sharpening his teeth on a sapling.

[Chomping]

- I don't know why we're doing this,

But at least I'm getting fiber in my diet.

- Anyway, I'm pretty sure it wasn't cupid.

Let's check out my next class.

Odds are I made an enemy in there, too.

- Welcome, class.

I'm professor grant awish

And I'll be teaching you da rules of fairy godparenting.

There are several rules

You can't let your fairy godkids violate.

Does anyone know what they are?

- You can't take what's not yours.

- That's not in the book, but it's a good rule to live by.

- Actually, I was talking to the creepy clown.

He took my wallet.

- I need gas money for my clown car.

The other clowns wouldn't pitch in.

- I know a rule.

If a godkid kicks sand in your face at the beach,

You cry like a baby.

- Boy, what a wimp.

- I heard that.

I would say, "let's step outside"

But my allergies are terrible.

I'll get my revenge in the fall when the pollen count drops.

[Inhales]

- Guys, we have yet another suspect.

- You mean the creepy clown?

He took my wallet, but he didn't take my paper.

Joke's on him.

All I had in there were more carpet cleaning coupons.

- Good news, everyone.

- You're gonna let cosmo off the hook?

- No. I photoshopped my picture

In the yearbook, and now I look fantastic.

In less happy news,

Cosmo, you only have minutes to figure out

What happened to your paper.

It is the start of a long weekend,

And the fairy council wants to get a jump on the traffic.

- Oh, no, cosmo! We gotta do something fast

Or I'll lose you and wanda as my fairy godparents.

- ♪ Bum bum bum!

Wait, that's not good.

- This is terrible. What am I gonna do?

It's the long weekend, and I don't have any plans.

Although, I was thinking about a lovely drive up the coast.

Or maybe just catching a movie. What's good lately?

- I would be more concerned about the fact

That your career as a fairy godparent

Will be over in minutes and seconds.

- But jorgen, we have proof

That someone stole cosmo's final paper.

- Really? Let us see it.

[Device beeps]

Of course.

That glitchy, sticky image of nothing

Will totally get you off the hook.

- Yay!

- I was being sarcastic.

- Well, that makes sense.

I was also voted most likely to not understand sarcasm.

- Jorgen, it's my fault.

I accidentally spit apple juice all over the memory.

- Too bad! Not only did you miss out

On the healthy and nutritional benefits of apple juice,

You now only have minutes and seconds to find real proof

That cosmo turned in his paper.

Now if you will excuse me,

I have to photoshop my muscular body

Into a few thousand more yearbooks.

- Guys, if we wanna save cosmo,

We gotta figure out who stole that paper.

- It's gotta be either juandissimo, cupid, or jorgen.

Let's see if we can find anything in cosmo's memories

That proves which one of them did it.

Let's check out jorgen first.

He may be the one behind all this

And that's why he's railroading you.

- That makes sense.

Jorgen was voted most likely to work on a railroad.

Or get thrown in front of a train.

I can't remember.

[Whimsical music]

- [Sighs]

Look at her. She's beautiful.

- Who? The pink-haired girl?

Sorry, bro. She's mine.

Look at her batting her eyelashes at me.

Nope, I'm wrong.

I accidentally squirted hot sauce in her eyes.

- [Crying] ow, it burns!

Ahh.

- Sorry, pink-haired girl.

- Ah!

- You ninny.

I was talking about the tooth fairy.

I would love to woo her,

But she would never go for a scrawny little wimp like me.

See that?

People bring their own sand to school

Just to kick it in my face.

If only I was strong, powerful, and carried a big wand.

I bet the tooth fairy would notice me then.

- Jorgen, the tooth fairy's not into biceps,

She's into bicuspids.

And I know just how to get her to notice you.

- What a handsome bicuspid.

Here's a dollar, hot stuff.

As long as you plan on spending it on me, saturday night.

- Cosmo, thank you.

I am swooning.

Of course, that could be from the frying pan to the noggin.

Anyway, you're a good friend and I owe you one.

Passing out now.

Ugh!

- So jorgen actually liked you.

I guess that rules him out.

[Whack] ow!

- Hey! Beaver in timmy's room!

Throw us that ball.

I'm trying to play ping-pong with my son.

- Fine.

- Thanks.

Ha!

Oh, nice butthand smash!

- Guys, we have / minutes left.

Let's check out the next suspect.

[Device beeps]

- [Sobbing]

- Cupid, what are you doing crying inside your locker?

Did you and wet willy break up?

- Yeah, he dumped me for a lemur with a sports car.

- Let's stay friends. Text me.

- But that's not why I'm crying.

My problem is I'm supposed to sh**t love arrows at people,

But I have terrible aim.

Watch this.

See? I'm atrocious!

My arrow missed the target and flew into the cafeteria.

[Thwack] - I'm in love with my fruit cup.

- Face it, I'm a total loser.

Ugh, if this keeps up, I'll never fulfill

My oddly specific dream of being a matchmaker in a diaper.

What am I going to do?

- Well, there's your problem. You're cross-eyed.

- Wow, now there's only one of you.

[Ping] - I just broke up

With my fruit cup.

And now I'm in love with someone from my own species.

- I did it! My aim is true.

Thanks, cosmo. You're my bff.

Best fairy friend ever.

- Well, cosmo, there's no way cupid took your paper.

The only suspect left is juandissimo.

- You are so beautiful that you give the sun a reason to shine.

Can you give me directions to your heart?

I seem to have lost myself in your eyes.

And pink-haired girl, you are not so bad yourself.

How about we go into the janitor's closet?

- What?

- There is a mirror in there

Big enough for both of us

To admire me.

- Don't take this the wrong way,

But you get away from me, you conceited jerk!

- But don't you see?

I cannot get you out of my head.

- I'll get her out of your head.

[Whomp]

- [Voice echoes] huevos rancheros!

- Leave what's-her-name alone.

She's my girl.

- Oh, cosmo. That's so romantic.

I've had a crush on you since the first day of school.

My name is wanda, by the way.

- Well, wanda-by-the-way, what do you say

We go to the school dance?

- That would be fun.

We could double date with wet willy and the lemur.

- Sorry about the frying pan, juandissimo.

- Apology accepted.

In fact, I admire your passion for wanda-by-the-way.

You made me realize what true love is,

And also that I am more interested

In meaningless flings.

You have given me a wonderful gift.

- Wisdom?

- No. This frying pan

With the imprint of my gorgeous face in it.

I am going to make the sexiest omelet ever.

Muchas gracias, mi amigo verde.

[Latin fanfare]

- Whoa, juandissimo wasn't mad at you either.

- If anyone should've been mad it was me.

He bent my frying pan with his sexy face!

- Well, if it wasn't him, cupid, or jorgen,

Then who stole your paper?

- All right, cosmo.

[Alarm ringing] time has run out.

Since you have failed to prove you turned in your paper,

Your diploma has been revoked by the fairy council.

[Ominous chords] - ♪ bum bum bum!

- Sparky, dramatic music not helping!

- That wasn't dramatic music.

There's three bums on your lawn.

♪

Anyway, it is a big moment, timmy.

You're about to lose wanda and cosmo forever.

- Okay, say your good-byes

And do not get all emotional on me.

Because then I will get emotional, too.

[All crying]

Does anyone have a hanky?

- I'm going to miss you, cosmo.

- I'm going to miss you too, timmy.

- [Growls]

- Cosmo, that's a beaver!

- Oh. Then b*at it!

- Wait!

I can't let this go on any longer.

I stole the paper!

[Ominous chords] all: ♪ bum bum bum!

- What do you mean, you stole the paper?

- I was afraid that if they read cosmo's paper

He'd fail and we wouldn't

Get to be fairy godparents together.

- Wow, wanda.

That doesn't show a lot of respect for my intelligence.

Oh, my gosh. The beaver's back!

- Cosmo, that's timmy. - Oh, you're right.

Sorry, timmy. - Forgiven.

So then what happened?

- Then they accidentally passed cosmo anyway

And assigned us to be a team.

I thought it was all behind me

Until the fairy council discovered their mistake.

- Your behavior is outrageous, wanda.

- I'm sorry.

I couldn't bear the thought of cosmo and me being separated.

Anyway, here's cosmo's paper.

It's kept my hair in place all this time.

There goes my signature look.

- Wait a minute, this paper is blank.

- I wrote it in disappearing ink

So no one could copy off me.

Smart, huh?

- You are right, wanda.

If he had turned in this paper, he would have failed.

I'm sorry, cosmo,

But you cannot be a fairy godparent.

Both: no!

- Wait a minute. Isn't being a fairy godparent

All about making wishes come true?

- That's in paragraph three of my paper.

See?

- I see you are an idiot.

What is your point, turner?

- Cosmo's proven he's great at making wishes come true.

While he was at the fairy academy,

He made your wish come true to be with the tooth fairy.

- And he also made cupid's wish come true by fixing his aim.

- And he hit juandissimo in the face with a frying pan.

- That is not really granting a wish, but I respect anyone

Who hits juandissimo with cast iron cookware.

- The point is, cosmo was granting wishes

Before he graduated from the fairy academy.

And as far as I'm concerned,

He's the greatest godparent a kid could ever ask for.

- That is hard to argue with.

I can't believe I am saying this,

But cosmo has made all of our wishes come true.

Cosmo, I'm going to demand the fairy council

Allow you to keep your diploma.

[All cheering]

- I'm so happy, I'm going to cry.

- Please don't. You know how I get.

[All crying happily]

Oh, here come the waterworks.

[All crying happily]

- Okay, now I'm crying 'cause jorgen's cracking my ribs.

- I'm off to see the fairy council.

Does it look like I have been crying?

All: no...

- I'm sorry I stole your paper, cosmo.

I just didn't want us to be apart.

- That's sweet, wanda.

A part of what?

- Hey, everyone, look at cosmo's graduation picture.

All: yay!

- Hooray! My diploma!

Everything's back to normal.

- Oh, honey!

I've got good news and bad news.

The good news is, I b*at timmy at ping-pong.

The bad news is, a forest ranger tranquilized him

And took him away in a van.

- [Growling]

- You probably should've told him

To take the beaver in timmy's room.

- That's okay. I'll just net that one

And drag him into the woods myself.

- Okay. Now we're going on the run.

All: ♪ bum bum bum!

[Trumpet fanfare]

- Did anyone else notice jorgen was wearing mascara?