10x13 - Cat 'n Mouse/Chip Off the Old Crock!

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Fairly OddParents". Aired: March 30, 2001 – July 26, 2017.
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Series follows the adventures of Timmy Turner, a 10-year-old boy with two fairy godparents named Cosmo and Wanda who grant him wishes to solve his everyday problems.
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10x13 - Cat 'n Mouse/Chip Off the Old Crock!

Post by bunniefuu »

[jazzy music]

- ♪ Timmy's still an average kid ♪

♪ That no one understands

♪ Chloe's his new neighbor

♪ And she's ruining all his plans ♪

- Ahh!

- ♪ All the wishes

♪ In the world

♪ So why should he care?

♪ Jorgen has reported there's a fairy shortage ♪

♪ So Timmy has to share

♪ His OddParents, fairly OddParents ♪

- More than one? - This should be fun!

- ♪ OddParents, fairly OddParents ♪

♪ Feather suit, nature boots, laser sh**ting, rescue ♪

- World peace, kale treats,

bunny feet, real neat!

- What? No! Leave me alone!

My fairies! Get your own!

- ♪ OddParents, fairly OddParents ♪

♪ Timmy, beware, you'll have to share ♪

♪ Your fairly OddParents

- Yeah, right!

[lively music]

[phone meowing loudly]

- Yeowch!

It's Catman again!

I need a break from him.

Blocking call.

[meow!] [meow!]

[meow!] Ah!

Unfriending! Ah, unfollowing!

- Singing telegram from Catman.

♪ He wants you to call him back ♪

Jazz hands.

- Ah! Un-Chloeing!

- ♪ He misses his BFF

- I'm not just his best friend; I'm his only friend.

Except for Don, the ball of yarn he drew a face on.

Why won't Catman just leave me alone?

He always messes up my life!

- I know! You could ask Don to talk to him.

He's a great communicator.

- Or you could write Catman a breakup letter.

Cosmo can help. He's an expert.

- Yeah, everyone's broken up with me,

even Wanda.

I just never opened her letter,

and that's why we're still together.

- It's romantic in a dysfunctional kind of way.

- Timmy, you treat Catman like he's a lunatic.

He's really just a sweet old man.

- Aw!

- Lunatic!

- Greeting, citizens.

Don told me you'd be here.

- What do you want, Catman?

Spit it out and scram.

- Oh, Timmy!

I knew you'd be therefor me.

You know my lady friend

from The Retirement Home of Justice, Wonder Gal?

- You mean Wander Gal?

She does wander off a lot.

- She broke my heart by saying...

[whispers] I'm not really Catman,

just an actor who played him on TV.

- Everybody at The Retirement Home of Justice

is an actor who played a superhero on TV.

Are you listening, Catman?

- Sorry, I was trying to pounce on a roly-poly.

Timmy, when did you get here?

- This is my room!

- Uh, Timmy was just saying

that he's sensitive to your heartbreak

and that you're welcome to stay with him

for as long as you need.

- What? That's not what I said!

- Thanks, Timmy.

I'm gonna live with you for the rest of my life.

Well, the rest of yours.

I've got nine lives, and you've just got the one.

- Catman just needs to know somebody cares about him.

He's not really gonna stay.

- Well, that's the last of my stuff.

I'm here for good.

[musical flourish]

- There's nothing good about this.

And please tell me that's not a litterbox.

- It's not a litterbox, Citizen Timmy.

It's the fully automated Kitty Commode ,

with magic clumping crystals

that make cleanup a cinch.

- Look what you've done.

- Okay, my bad, but all we need to do

is help Catman prove to Wonder Gal

that he really is Catman,

and she'll wander right back to him.

Ooh! I have a plan.

What's that, Don?

Wonder Gal called, and she's in trouble?

Hear that, Catman?

Go! Prove to your lady that you're a real superhero!

- Wait a minute.

She called Don instead of me?

Don, you cutting in on my lady?

I thought we were tight, man.

- Go save your girlfriend!

- Catman to the rescue! [horn honks]

- Okay, great plan.

I'm totally lost.

- We are gonna be supervillains

and pretend to thr*at Wonder Gal

so Catman saves her

and makes her believe he's a real superhero.

Cosmo, poof us up some disguises.

- Yay! I'm helping!

- Really? These are the best

villain disguises you could poof up?

Last year's Halloween costumes?

- You scored a lot of candy in those get-ups.

Too bad it was all stolen

by a cunning bandito with green hair and wings

named El Cosmo.

- Yeah, you really pulled a fast one.

The bandito's identity is a complete mystery.

- Sí.

- Who is it?

- Evil supervillains,ma'am.

- Just a second.

Let me pop in my glass eye.

- Please do!

You're Wonder Gal?

Wow, that's an old picture.

- Oh, trick-or-treaters.

Come on in.

I think I have some caramels at the bottom of my purse.

Merry Christmas!

- It's not Christmas! It's Halloween.

I mean, it's not Halloween!

- And we're not trick-or-treaters.

We're supervillains.

- And that's not candy.

It's nose spray and foot cream.

- Aren't you two adorable?

Have some more candy.

- Oh, boy. She gave us teeth.

- Stand back, evil supervillains.

Catman to the rescue.

- Oh, no, it's the one person

who can save you from our supervillainy,

Catman, because he's real.

- Wonder Gal, I'll save you.


Suddenly, a scaredy-cat.

The thing I'm paws-itively most afraid of.

- A jar of teeth? 'Cause that scared me.

- No! Trick-or-treaters.

- We're not trick-or-treaters. It's Christmas!

- No, it's not. It's Halloween!

No, it's not!

- I'm history. Gaaaah!

- Well, that was an epic fail.

Wonder Gal, here's your nose spray.

I'm keeping the teeth as a souvenir.

- She wandered off, Timmy.

- Ooh, candy.

- Cosmo, don't eat that.

It's foot cream!

- [smacking]

It was still delicioso.

Ow. Ooh, my stomach.

[stomach rumbling]

Wanda, I think you're gonna have to take me

to Fairy Urgent Care.

- Ugh, it's times like these that make me wish

you had opened that breakup letter.

[horn fanfare]

- I blame you.

- Come down out of the tree!

It's gonna be okay.

I'll heat you up some warm milk.

- I am not coming down till Catman moves out.

- Do not make me call the f*re department.

- I blew it, Don.

I was so close to proving I was the real Catman

to Wonder Gal.

But my innate fear of trick-or-treaters

came back to bite me in the tail.

Don't try and cheer me up, Don.

I came off like a real Halloweeny.

Ooh, a star-shaped lollypop!

Look, Don.

It's handsome and fit Fireman Rick.

He once rescued me from a storm drain.

- Oh, hey, I remember you,

'cause I usually rescue cats, not weirdos.

- Whoa, whoa, Catman's got Cosmo's wand!

- [slurps] You mean this bizarre lollypop

that's shocking my sandpapery tongue?

At least it's distracting me from my failure with Wonder Gal.

Oh, Timmy, I wish...

both: No wishing!

- That I could show Wonder Gal

that I really am the superhero that is Catman.

[rousing band music]

- He wished! Now Catman's really Catman!

Which is even worse than Catman!

- And because Catman is real,

so is his superhero headquarters.

- Catman, it is I--ha!--

your arch nemesis, Mouse Man.

Golly gosh. Oh, boy, oh, boy.

- Ugh, and the lame supervillains from his show

are real too!

- You got that right,champ.

- [screams] Don is real too!

And he's super creepy!

- Catman, I'm going to destroy you

and everything you hold dear.

Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy. Hot dog.

- You monstrous mouse of menace.

I dare you to do your worst.

both: No daring!

[ominous music]

- Hear my sonic squeak.


[whistling happily]

- Help, Catman!

What am I saying?

- I meant so well,

and this went wrong in so many ways.

- Keep your cool, little kitty.

Catman is on the case.

If Mouse Man is truly going to destroy

all that I hold dear

and he already has Timmy and Don,

he must be on his way to Wonder Gal.

- Wow. You're actually making sense.

- To the Catmobile!

[upbeat music]

- Are you turning on the turbo power?

- No, I'm turning on the radio.

I can't fight crime

without listening to Ecuadorian pan flute music.

It puts a f*re in my belly.

- Ah! Breaking so many traffic laws!

- You're all doomed. Ha ha.

In one minute, I'll cut the cheese,

releasing the stink

of the stinkiest cheese in the universe,


Hot diggity doggity.

- Ooh, a mouse, a yarn man,

and a beaver boy.

Oh, there were so many trick-or-treaters this year.

If my hands weren't tied, I'd give you all candy

from the bottom of my purse.

- Hey, no need for candy, Wonder Gal.

You're sweet enough on your own.

- Catman was right!

You're trying to steal his lady.

- Soon your eyes will burn

and your clothes will stink so bad

that you'll have to wash them twice

or maybe even--ha ha!-- throw them out.

[pan flute music]

- Ecuadorian pan flute music!

It's Catman to the rescue!

What am I saying?

- Oh, Beaver Boy,

Catman is just a character from a TV show.

He isn't real.

Believe me, I know what's real...

as long as I take my medicine.

- Hey, you know what's real?

My feelings for you, Wonder Gal.

- You're not a yarn ball.

You're a sleaze ball, Don.

[upbeat music]

- Mouse Man, your plan is about to take

a cat-astrophic turn.

It's time for my furry feline finale of fury.

- Oh, cheese curds!



- Run and wander for your lives, citizens!

I'm about to cut the cheese.

- Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.

It stinks.

[kids cheer]

- Did you see that, Wonder Gal?

Catman really is a superhero.

- Yeah, who knew?

But it doesn't matter, because I'd like him

even if he wasn't the real Catman.

He's the best boyfriend ever.

- Hey, you know, I could be

the best boyfriend ever, wink, wink.

- You're sleazy, Don.

- [moans] Not cool.


- You know what, Wonder Gal?

I hate that my superhero status put you in danger.

I kind of wish I wasn't the real Catman after all.


Sorry, Timmy.

Now that I've got my gal back,

I'm moving out of your room.

- Yes! Never come back!

I mean, I'll miss you.

- Catman, honey, would you like some candy

from the bottom of my purse?

- That's foot cream, kitten.

- Did you see that, Timmy?

Crazy old people are so cute!

- Hi, Timmy. Hi, Chloe.

The doctor made me all better,

but he told me to stay away from candy.

Ah! Candy!

- Don't eat that!

- Too late. I--

- Back to Fairy Urgent Care.

- You think the doctor will give me some candy?

- Oh, hey.

Buy my calendar.

[fast-paced lively music]

[school bell rings]

[children laughing]

- Hello, Turner.

- Ah! Mr. Crocker shrunk!

- That happened to my nana when she got old.

She also got a forest of ear hair.

We called it the Ear-chanted Forest.

- Oh, silly Chloe, it's obvious what's going on.

Mr. Crocker's mother put him in the dryer.

- Or maybe it's a doppel-Crocker. Ha ha!

What? You got something better?

- Greetings, dullards and dunces.

I'd like to introduce my nephew, Kevin Crocker.

As you can see, he's a chip off the old Crock.

- See what he did there?

Good one, Uncle Denzel.

[both laughing]

- Kevin's on a semester abroad,

and since there's no way he could get an actual broad,

he's going to school here.

- That's two zingers in a row!

- And two Crockers.

That's it. I'm making a run for it!

- I anticipated that reaction, Turner,

so I had the windows nailed shut.

- [grunting]

- [screams]

- Geh!

- No, Kevin, it's not "geh."

It's "gah!"

Try it again.

This time, put your hips into it.

- Goo!

- No, that's what a baby says.

[melancholy music]

Anyhoo, let's get started with that thing we do--

you know, where I pretend to teach you

and you pretend to care.

- Ooh! Ooh, ooh, ooh.

- Yes, glorious Kevin?

- That kid's chewing gum.

That girl's texting.

And Timmy Turner's sleeping with his eyes open.

- [snoring]

- Thank you, Kevin.

You'll get an A for tattling.

And the rest of you get an F for failing to be like Kevin.

Now, pick partners for your take-home science project.

And don't everyone fight over Kevin.

[cheerful music]

- Ah, no one picked poor Kevin.

[melancholy music]

Timmy, can't we--

- Make him our partner?

Nope, nuh-uh, no, not gonna happen.

No way, José.

[melancholy music]

- No! That's French and English.

- Aw, Timmy, lighten up on Kevin.

He's only a social pariah because he's Crockers nephew.

And perhaps because he's a touch off-putting,

in a really off-putting way.

I think Kevin's just lonely,

and if we let him be partners with us--

- [to "Hava Nagliah"] ♪ No, no, no, no, no, no, no ♪

♪ No, no, no, no, no, no ♪

- [sighs] He's Crocker's nephew,

so we'll probably get an a*t*matic A

without you having to do any work.

- ♪ Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes ♪

♪ Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes

♪ Okeydokey, yes, yes, yes, yes ♪

- [gobbling]

What's wrong, Kevin?

You don't like Mother's gruel?

Well, I don't blame you.

It's basically disappointment in a bowl.

- It's not the gruel,

although I do taste the disappointment.

It's just that I felt like an outcast

when no one picked me for the science project.

- You're a Crocker!

You don't need friends.

It's the family legacy to be a bitter loner

dedicated to stealing the magic from other people's lives.

- I was thinking of being a dentist,

but that sounds even better.

- That's my boy!

Or actually my estranged half-sister's boy.

I think you're ready to be schooled

in the ancient Crocker tradition of--

wait for it--

catching fairies!

- You mean like magical fairies?

- You nailed the fairy thing.

Now let's work on your "gah"!

- Eee...ork!

- Gah!

Almost none of the sounds that make up "gah"

were in that word!

Now let's catch us some fairies!

[phone playing music]



- This is the Crock-meister. Crock to me.

- Ooh, that's a groovy greeting, Kevin.

- Nerd!

- Hello, Kevin.

This is Chloe Carmichael.

What Timmy was trying to say

was that we would love for you to join our group

for the science project.

- Eh, sorry.

I'm busy being a bitter loner.

- I mean--I, meaning Kevin,

because I am Kevin,

would love to.

Crock to you soon.

- Eeh! I'm so confused!

- Again, it's "gah"!

And Timmy Turner has fairies.

And you, my little protégé,

are going to capture those fairies

by building a fairy catcher for your science project.

And to do that, you're gonna need these.

- Ladies' shoes?

- Gah! Wrong closet!

Notice I said "gah" and not "gork."

It was a teaching moment.

Take this tie with a two-way microphone

so I can hear everything you hear

and this earpiece so I can coach you

through your first fairy hunt

and rocket boots just because they're cool.

Now go meet up with Chloe and Turner,

locate the fairies, and capture them

by tricking Timmy and Chloe into building the fairy catcher

on this blueprint.

- But it's a blueprint.

Shouldn't it be blue?

- No! That's exactly what they'd expect!

You're thinking like a dentist, Kevin!

- Guh!

- Well, it's a step up from "gork."

- I feel so gosh darn good

about reaching out to poor Kevin.

It just feels right.

- You know what feels right to me?

Getting an A without doing any work.

If you need Timmy Turner,

he'll be rock-climbing with a sack of candy.

[upbeat music]

- Oh, I'm a little nervous about us being around.

After all, Kevin is Mr. Crocker's nephew.

- Relax, Wanda.

Being talking parrots is the perfect disguise.

Kevin'll never know we're fairies

unless some dummy spills the beans.

- Yo, yo, yo!

Crock-meister's in the hizzy.

- Groovy intro, Kevin.

You sound super street.

- Hey, Kevin!

We're definitely parrots and not magical fairie--

- Cosmo want a cracker?

- He totally bought it.

- Hey, a*t*matic A.

- Yay! Kevin, we're so glad you're here.

- Wait. You mean that sarcastically, right?

- No. Hasn't anyone ever been happy to see you?

- People are always happy to see me, because I'm

a magical--

- Okay, science project team...

and Timmy.

I thought we'd build this,

a device that turns garbage

into textbooks for needy children.

Sure, the books'll stink, but the stench

will keep the kids from dozing off while they learn.

- Uh-oh, you have an idea already?

That means I can't build my--

Code red. Code red.

- The bathroom's over there.

- Geh! Stupid rocket boots!

Little Crock to Big Crock. Crock to me.

- Don't sweat Blondie's plan.

It's just a little hump in the road.

To get her to make the fairy catcher,

all you have to do is act super pathetic.

She'll feel sorry for you,

and you can build the fairy catcher.

Pathetic should come naturally to you.

You're a Crocker!

- Eeeh!

- You were in there a while, Kevin.

I hope you lit a candle.

- Speaking of stink,

I can't wait to get started.

I have so much stinky garbage.

- Go for it, Kevin.

Unleash your inner loser.

- Um, Chloe?

I had my own idea for the science project.

I was just gonna make a stupid old vacuum cleaner.

But your idea is so much better.

It's no biggie.

I just kind of wish I was never born.

- Aw, I don't want you to be sad.

I guess I can wait another day

to change the lives of underprivileged children

around the world.

- Great! So we're doing my thing!

- [snoring]

[upbeat music]

- It's finished!

all: Yeah!

- Oh, Kevin, your weird vacuum is a beauty.

- I got to be honest.

When I found out you were related to Mr. Crocker,

I didn't think we could, like, trust you

you ever want to be around you,

but you're a*t*matic A-OK.

- Wow, no one's been this nice to me

since my going away party,

but that's because everyone was just happy to see me go away.

- You got 'em where you want 'em, kid.

Now f*re up that fairy catcher

and bring home the bacon!

Actually, I'll stop for bacon on the way over.

And maybe some mango jam.

Mmm, mango jam.

You just get the fairies.

- Okay, Kevin.

You do the honors and test out our project.

- [stammering]

- Go for it, Kevin,

who's overcome the Crocker stigma of evil.

- Do it! Do it!

Mmm, mango jam. Do it!

- Go for it. - Do the honors.

- Do it! Do it! Do it!

Oh, mango jam, mmm.

- Must...be...a Crocker.

- Get the fairies!

- You looking for fairies?

We're right over here.


[fairy catcher whirring]

[both yell]

[dramatic music]

[both scream]

- Yippee!

My heart is soaring!

You really are a chip off the old Crock.

- Kevin? You're working with Mr. Crocker?

How could you?

- Yeah, I was counting on that A!

Not that I don't care about my fairies at all.

- I thought we were friends, Kevin.

And I thought I saw goodness in your heart.

But really you're just

a despicable little piece of Crocker!

- Big Crock to Little Crock.

Commence escape pattern Delta Mango.

I mean Delta Bravo.

I got mango on the brain.

[lively music]

- [screaming]

- Hang on! The ride's gonna be a little bumpy.

It's hard to shift gears in open-toed pumps.

[melancholy music]

You'll see, Kevin.

Being a fairy catcher

is way better than having friends.

Wow, there's real chunks of mango in this jam!


- Still, I feel kind of bad, Uncle Denzel.

It seemed like Timmy and Chloe actually liked me.

- Forget them!

You've got a great life ahead of you.

I can already see you

living in a cave under your mother's house,

kicking back in a pair of super-stylish pumps,

and eating bowl after bowl of disappointment.

[electricity crackling and machine whirring]

- "Yoo-hoo"? "Yoo-hoo"?

Are you kidding me?

- As a reward for bagging these magical morons,

I'm letting you make the first wish.

[dramatic music]

- Chi-ayi!

- Ha!

You cuckoo Crocks

are about to strike done.

- What does that even mean?

- I have no idea.

- They're all yours, Kevin.

Wish away.

- I wish...

I wish

that Timmy and Chloe's fairies were free

and none of this ever happened.

- Well done, Kevin.

No, wait. Gah!

- From now on, it's "gork"!


[all cheer]

[triumphant music]

[school bell rings]

[eyelids squeaking]

- See, Timmy?

I knew there was some good in Kevin.

- Huh? What was that?

I was sleeping with my eyes open.

- Now pick partners for your take-home science project.

And don't everyone fight over Kevin.

- I wish that everyone would fight over Kevin.

[musical fanfare]

[children clamoring]

children: Kevin! Kevin! Kevin!

- A popular Crocker.

I'd take a picture of this moment,

but none of us Crockers show up on film.

Selfie with mango jam!

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