01x01 - Backpfeifengesicht

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Pitch Perfect: Bumper in Berlin". Aired: November 23, 2022 - present.
Spin-off television series following the Pitch Perfect films.
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01x01 - Backpfeifengesicht

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Can't live without me ♪

You wanna, but you can't, no, no, no ♪


- You think it's funny ♪

But honey, can't run

this show on your own ♪

I can feel my body shake ♪

There's only so much I can take ♪

I'll show you how

a real queen behaves ♪

Oh, oh, oh ♪

No damsel in distress ♪

Don't wanna save me ♪

Once I start breathin'

f*re, you can't tame me ♪

You might think I'm

weak without a sword ♪

But if I had one, it'd

be bigger than yours ♪

If all of the kings had

their queens on the throne ♪

We would pop champagne

and raise a toast ♪

To all of the queens

who are fighting alone ♪

Baby, you're not dancin' on your own ♪

Whoa-oa-oa-oa ♪

Oa-oa-oa-whoa-oa ♪

In chess, the king can

move one space at a time ♪

But queens are free to

go wherever they like ♪

You get too close,

you'll get a royalty high ♪

So breathe it in to feel the love ♪

ALL: If all of the kings had

their queens on the throne ♪

We would pop champagne

and raise a toast ♪

- I'll be your queen! ♪

- ALL: To all of the queens ♪

Who are fighting alone ♪

Baby, you're not dancin' on your own ♪




That's what I'm talkin'

about, Tonehangers!

- That felt good!

- Oh, yeah.

The elderly at Heritage

Retirement Center

will not know what h*t 'em next month.

Bumper, we probably

don't need the choreo.

Nana says that if we

break one more tchotchke,

she'll cut me out of the will.

Okay, shut up. Guys, what are we doin'?

We're not done. Come on.

Take it from the top.


We're not at one yet ♪

Let's take it to one, come on ♪

No, man, man, man, we gotta go.

I got the kids tonight 'cause

Katie's got her soba-making class.

Are you serious?

A ca-serious.

Okay, we're acting like

we're a bunch of middle-aged

men all of a sudden.

BOTH: We are.

Come on, let's take it from the top.

- [HUMS]

- No, man. We got stuff to do.

[LAUGHS] Yeah. No, duh.

I got I got stuff.

Got a lot of stuff,

actually, to do, so

- All right.

- Good.

I have to lock up.

That's an important thing.

There's a blood drive

here early tomorrow.

They said that I can't give

'cause I drink too much juice.


And and and let's not

be strangers on the text chain!

Sometimes I feel like

I'm talking to myself!

Hey, uh, did you get the

job posting I sent you,

the telemarketing position at my firm?

- You'd be perfect.

- Yeah, I got it.

- I deleted it immediately.

- What? Why?

I can't give up what I have here

access to rehearsal

space whenever I want it,

as long as there's not

something else booked.

And you think spinning your wheels

at Barden's gonna get you somewhere?


I have to focus on what I'm good at.

It's bound to pay off someday,

and then I'll be a famous singer,

and Amy will finally talk to me again.

And these keys right here?

These keys are gonna be keys

to all the different cities

that I'm the mayor of.

Right, no, that's a rock-solid plan.

I just I just always thought

you'd be the first outta here.

Yeah, when in fact,

I have to be the last,

because I'm the one who locks up.




Brr-ing, brr-ing ♪

That's weird.

Looks like I'm gettin'

a call from "The Matrix."



Allen, is this you?

Hell yeah.

Who's this?

I have been following you

since college, Bumper Allen.

- I am such a fan.

- You are?

In college, you were

Der Knig der Mundmusik

the King of the Mouth Music.

Please don't stop the ♪

ALL: Please don't stop the music ♪

And I loved you on my favorite

chair-based reality show, "The Voice."

Give your all to me ♪

I'll give my all to you ♪

Adam, turn around!

Everybody's doin' it, baby!

They love me!

America loves me!

Yeah, that was a setback,

but it's no big deal.

Everybody has to go

home from "The Voice"

at some point, even the winner.

But you were still able to

share your gift with the world

through der Ticken-Tocken.



On me, take on me ♪

Take me on ♪

Take on ♪

Yeah, that was a fun one.

I had my Mennonite landlord

teach me all the funny words.


How do you know all this?

Are you a pervert?

A pervert for talent.

My name is Pieter Kramer, and

we have met before.

DSM! DSM goin' in

on the verse 'cause ♪

They never been defeated

and they won't stop now! ♪

Pieter, from Das Sound Machine?

The rival a cappella group

to my former a cappella

group's rival a cappella group?

Ja, I'm calling because your mashup

of "99 Luftballons" and "Take On Me"

has become a huge h*t on

TikTok here in Germany.

It went from 156 views

to 7.6 million views

in just the past week.

Wait, are you serious?

I'm German. Of course I'm serious.

Holy shit!

7.6 million views?

That's that's, like, a million views.

Move to Berlin and work with me.

I can make you a star.

[LAUGHS] Look.

I am lovin' this blast from the past.

I mean, who doesn't

love a good B from the P?

- Huh?

- But move to Berlin right now?

- Yes.

- Nope.

Nope, I got a pretty big gig comin' up

for a pretty prominent nana.

I'm kinda the Michael

Bublé of palliative care.

Bumper, you're famous in Germany.

Look. [SIGHS]

I'm a very important manager now.

We only have a brief

window of viral fame,

and we have to take advantage of it.

All you need to do is ask yourself:

will.i.am, or won't.i.am?

[WHISPERS] Oh, my God.

It's all happening.

I can still hear you.

Just as I imagined.

Do you want me to respond or

All those failures were worth it,

because now

I'll never fail again.

Oh, I see. It's a monologue.

Sorry, continue.

- Pieter?

- Yes?

Start pouring your finest Bordeaux

and plating your finest

Boeuf Bourguignon,

'cause I'm moving to Germany, baby!

Whoo! Bumper's back!


BOTH: Berlin ♪

Danke, danke, danke ♪

Danke schoen ♪

Berlin ♪

Berlin ♪

Danke, danke, d-d-danke ♪


BOTH: Danke shoen ♪

Wow, it is beautiful.

BOTH: Danke, danke, danke ♪

Danke schoen ♪

Hey, Tonehangers, look where I'm at!

Germany. I made it.

It was like magic.

I'm the Berlin Merlin.


"You are now roaming.

This text costs you $17."

Worth it.

Bumper Allen! You made it!

Pieter Kramer, manager to the stars!

I'm the star.

Welcome oh!

- Oh!

- Yes!

- Oh, yes!

- Oh!

- Yes

- I'm so excited.


- I'm so excited.

- Thank you so much.

- Okay.

- We can keep going.

- Thank you so much.

Yes, I will release you now. Yeah, okay.

Germany is so cool.

- Your walk sign guy wears a hat.

- Yeah. Yes.


- And what is that?

What is that, foreign police sirens?

- They go down instead of up?

- Yeah.

I feel like I'm Jason Bourne

but with the memories of my shitty past.

- Oh, thank God.

- Yeah.

Well, the magic has only

just g*n, my friend. Come!


Join me, Bumper Allen, on

your road to superstardom.

Wow, this building is ancient.

It must be, like, 100 years old.

Welcome to the office.


- It's a cool view.


This is a traditional

Berlin welcome gift:

a tiny ice cream cone.

Okay, and how do you pronounce that?

Ice cream "kuhn."

Ice cream cone.

Ice cream "kuhn."

Ice cream cone.

- Oh, it's an ice cream cone?

- Yes.

Oh, okay. Yeah, I got it.

- Oh.

- Oh, my God, is that him?

Yes, our star has arrived!

That's my assistant, Heidi.

- I'm his assistant, Heidi!

- See?

Hi! Bice to meet you, Bumper!

I was just fixing the toilet paper

so it rolled the right way.

- Over, not under, right?

- Uh, you know it.

I'm not a literal serial k*ller.


- Totally.

And whoa, I can barely hear your accent.

Oh! Oh, no, no, no. I'm American.

I was an army brat and just never left.

- Oh.

- Heidi is amazing, Bumper.

She'll be your assistant too.

Speaking of, you are going to want


It is very hard to find

American cheese in Germany,

and you have no idea

how addicted you are

to neon dairy products

until you can't find them.

And you are going to want

to take this caffeine pill

- hold, please, thank you

- Okay.

In exactly 1 minute and 40

seconds to avoid jet lag.

- I'll set my watch.

- That is so thoughtful.

And honestly, perfect combo.

I can't take a pill

unless I put it in a

BOTH: Slice of cheese like a dog.

- Me too. What?

- Me too. What?


Now that you're here,

I can share my very

exciting plan for you.

In two months, I'm gonna get

you booked on wait for it

The German Unity Day concert!



What's German Unity Day?

German Unity Day is a

huge concert every October

commemorating the fall of the Wall.

It's like the Fourth of July

meets the Super Bowl Halftime Show,

except that we are way cooler

about showing nipples here.

There's always one spot reserved

for the hottest new artist.

It's basically a popularity contest,

so we will build up your

exposure and get you that spot.

And guess what.

You've already booked your first show!

How do you feel about

performing your mashup

at a festival tomorrow?


Wow, I didn't realize it

was happening that fast.

I haven't sang by myself in a while.

I would not have booked

this if you couldn't do it.

Now, why don't we get you moved

into your new accommodations?


I just want to thank you so much

both of you.

Two days ago, I was a nobody,

and now I'm a celebrity

with my own concert tomorrow


- in Germany


Oh, God! Time for the pill!


You know, I've been close

to stardom before, but

now it's actually happening.

It feels like a dream,

and, like, a good one too

not like the one where

I'm in my childhood room

and my mom is sittin'

on the corner of my bed,

and she's holding her

teeth in her hand, asking,

"Bumpy, what do I do?"

I'm like, "I don't know."

Mmm. How do you like the doner?

What kind of meat is this?

Oh, it is made with d*ad animals.

- Mmm, yeah. Meat!

- Yeah.

- BOTH: Yeah.

- Oh, wow.




- Boom!


- Nice to see ya!

Did I just get recognized?

Oh, yes. They are huge fans.

I should get photos,

send it to my ex, Amy.

Oh, how's Amy?

I wouldn't know. She

blocked me years ago.

[LAUGHS] That is so awesome.

So we are almost at your hostel.

Okay, in English, I think it's

actually pronounced "five-star hotel."

- Simple mistake.

- Oh, sorry.

But our English is perfect.

Germans speak English

far better than Americans.

[LAUGHS] No, they doesn't.

Und here we are!



- rustic.

- Yes.

- So rustic.

- After you.

- Oh, yeah.

- Oh.


Welcome home!


You must be Mr. Bumper.

I'm Ursula Beckmann,

and I'm the matron here.

I truly am meeting you.

Nice to meet you too.

Oh, you didn't say, "Nice to meet you."

Well, I don't know if

it's nice to meet you yet.

We Germans are very

precise with our language.

You may end up being the death

of me or my greatest treasure.

- We shall see.

- Okay.


Okay, and this is where I'm staying?

- Oh.

- You will be inspired here!

Much better than a five-star hotel.

- Is it?

- Yes.

Now, I've got some managing to do,

but you get some rest.

We need you fresh for

your show tomorrow.

Oh, no. I am not tired.

I got too much energy.

Let's go do something.


I'll get nervous if I'm alone.

Oh, um, it's just boring business stuff.

I'm meeting with a DJ

who wants to produce you.

You'll need original music eventually

to get booked on Unity Day,

but you don't want to see

how the sausage is made.

Uh I'm in Germany.

That's exactly what I wanna do.

Yeah, and while you guys are gone,

I'm gonna do a little bit

of shopping for Bumper.

He seems to have brought

an odd number of socks,

and his only dress shirt has

all the Looney Tunes

rappelling from the collar.

That little Taz.

Tweety's cool too.

Let's go.




This is just so cool!

I can't believe you guys party

like this in the afternoon.

Ah, I'm so jet-lagged, I don't

even know what time it is.

It's, like like, 5:00?

Actually, yes, but the other

5:00, and it's tomorrow!

Malignant ♪

Now, enjoy yourself and dance!


DJ Das Boot!



DJ Das Boot!

- D-D-D-D-DJ Das Boot!


Yeah, I brought you this amazing

American talent to collaborate with!


Don't be like that.

Dude, we don't have to beg, okay?

Let's just not work with this butthead.

No, we are working with

this butthead. Come on.

Das Boot is our ticket to Unity Day.

Malignant ♪

Thea, this is Bumper.

Bumper, this is my sister, Thea.

Your sister?

I'm sorry, you guys

are brother and sister?

- Yes, we're related.

- Why do you look like that then?

- What?

- Nice to meet you. My name is Bumper.

You might recognize

me from such viral hits

as "'99 Luftballons' Mashup,"

and "Local Man Slips on

Ice and Penis Falls Out."

You have a backpfeifengesicht.

A face that is deserving of a slap.

Yo, I actually get

that I get that a lot.

It's my round cheeks coupled

with my whole personality.

Bumper is the next superstar,

and you are always looking

for that fresh, new sound to produce.

And besides, wouldn't it

be fun to work together?

You're so busy! We

never get to hang out.

We could be like the Pointer Sisters.

[GASPS] Or the Menendez brothers!

Lyle, Erik.

And I'm Cousin Tony.

I'm like, "No, don't k*ll 'em, no!"

- "Oh, too late!"


Okay, shut up.

I have a brand to uphold,

and he doesn't seem up

to my musical standards.

Yeah, right.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! Hello?

Hi, I got one thing to say to you!


Turn around ♪

Every now and then, I

get a little bit lonely ♪

And you're never comin' 'round ♪

See? You're impressed.

You didn't realize that

I have a face of an angel,

and also The voice of an angel ♪

That's the double angel, y'all.

Good for you, little boy.

Aw, man. Thea, come to work!



There's a cigarette butt.

How is that even possible?


Thea, please.

Don't make a decision

until you see him perform

at Pretzel Fest tomorrow.

You know Unity Day is

a popularity contest.

We need your clout.

You can't turn your back on family.

We have the same back!

I'm sorry, Pieter.

I know no one will work with you,

but I can't give up my artistic

integrity, even for family.

But yeah, let's totally

have dinner next week.

It's been too long.

I'm available after 2:00 a.m.


Okay, dude. What gives?

Ever since I arrived, things

have been a little off,

and your cool sister says

that no one will work with you?

What the hell is going on?

[SIGHS] You don't want to hear about it.

It's so juicy.

Okay. [SIGHS]

DSM had a public scandal last year,

and we are an absolute disgrace.

Dat Sound Machine is Germany's

second greatest shame.

What's Germany's first greatest sh

oh, yep.

It all started when

our beatboxer's mouth

became riddled with herpes

after a biological att*ck

from a rival a cappella group

we suspect it was the Dutch

team, Holland Oates

which rendered him useless.

I set up a sound effect board offstage

for him to lip-synch to

an actual das Sound Machine.

I was madly in love with

my girlfriend, Gisela,

my DSM co-captain.

I wanted to make sure

we'd win at all costs,

but we were found out and disgraced.

No loops!

The sound machine malfunctioned

and kept playing after we stopped.

Gisela dumped me, the group dissolved,

and I was blacklisted as a singer.

They took away my throat

steamer and my badge.

Without the ability to sing,

I tried to shift my career

to music management,

but no one would work

with me except for Heidi.

She sees the good in everybody.


You broke the cardinal

rule of a cappella.

If you use an instrument,

that's just cappella!

I accept your disgust.

A former singer and an outcast.

Just call me Pariah Carey!


I'm gonna call me a new manager.

Actually, I don't know that you will.

- Pfft.

- You are viral on TikTok.

But I may have exaggerated

slightly how famous you are.

Nobody remembers who sang that TikTok,

and plenty of other people

have gone viral since.

You lied to me?

Did those random Germans in

the street even recognize me?

Yeah, no, no. Yes, they did.

But it was from your

penis falling out video,

not from your TikTok.


Oh, my God.

I'm the same failure I was a week ago,

except now, I'm stuck

in a foreign country

without friends, without a passport

- Really?

- Because I threw it away.

I thought it was a one-use thing.

That's a valuable legal document.

I thought it was like

a napkin or a receipt.

None of this is real.

The plan is real.

You're not a star yet, but you will be.

I was always going to

come clean eventually,

and I didn't mean to hurt you.

- Well, you did.

- I'm sorry.

I'm desperate, and I

really believe in you.

I've been disappointed a lot by friends,

unfrosted cereal,

the color of my own peepee.

But this is the first

time I was let down

by a random German man.

Bumper's out.


Ooh ♪

Ah ♪

I just I just always thought

you'd be the first outta here.


I have a plan!



Mr. Bumper.

- Mr. Bumper.

- Oh!


Oh, God. How long was I out for?

30 seconds, but your screams

were very concentrated.

Tell me, were you playing a game

of chess against Death itself?


Ursula, I thought I had

exactly what I wanted,

but I am right back to where I began:

an adult loser.

If it's any consolation to you,

you're going to die someday.

I don't know that it is, Ursula!

I'm sorry.

No offense, but I think

I need to talk to somebody

who's 70% less German than you.

You get it?




- Nope, I'm gonna get ready.

- Me too.




Caroline collected sea glass ♪

She liked how the light passed ♪

Turning amber into blue ♪

Elliot took a matchbook ♪

From bars where the drinks looked ♪

Like they're from 1922 ♪

If they could only meet ♪

But it isn't meant to be ♪

'Cause they live in different ♪

Centuries ♪



Oh, sorry. I forgot the words.



Oh, so everyone, give

it up for Karen Fraren.



You got here early.

You were not meant to see that.


Heidi, that was incredible.

Sorry, should I say Karen Fraren?

Erm, no, that was barely adequate.

I am not ready to

play it for anyone yet.

I perform under Karen Fraren

so that I can get honest

feedback on my songwriting,

but it is my little secret, so

Oh, well, that is hilarious.

All I've ever wanted was

to be famous, on stage,

performing for millions of people

as they chant my legal name,

"Tim Allen! Tim Allen!"

Yeah, well, you never

get a second chance

to make a first impression,

and if I am not perfect

when I step out as Heidi,

I will just be another

American army brat

who stayed in Germany

to go to music school,

who never made it

tale as old as time.

And this is just one guy's opinion,

but I thought Karen Fraren

was one of the best

singers I've ever heard,

and I've seen Pentatonix live

before they kicked me out for

trying to climb on the stage.

Uh, well, thank you,

but in your text, you

seemed pretty upset.

What's going on?

It's nothing.

It's just Pieter lied to me,

and I found out that I'm not famous

outside of one stupid TikTok, and

Yeah, I started to get the sense

that you didn't know the whole story.

- Yeah.

- But I know Pieter.

I kept working for him

after the DSM scandal

because his heart is in the right place.

He just got my hopes up.

I thought Berlin was

gonna change everything.

It still could.

Do the show tomorrow.

7 million people watched your video.

- That's, like, a million people.

- That's what I said.

And wouldn't two-days-ago

Bumper k*ll for the chance

to sing on stage in

front of an audience?


If I do this, I have

to start from scratch.

If you're starting from scratch,

might as well start in a place

where you have a new friend




Oh, thank God you came.

I had such a terrible night

not knowing if you would show up today.

I went home from the club at 3:00 a.m.

I was so worried.

Well, I'm not here for you, okay?

I'm here for this.

This is what I've always wanted.

It's right here waiting for me?

I got nothing to lose.

You know what's waiting

for me back home in America?

[CHUCKLES] Just my cat.

- Oh, my cat.

- Oh, um

I've gotta call someone

right after this.

Don't let me forget.

I'm never gonna get another

call like yours again,

even if it was fake.

At least here, I have a small chance

at becoming someone special.

Small chance, but a chance.

- Hey.

- Hey.

Hey! My sister came!

Oh, how wonderful!

Maybe she'll work with us after all.

See? I told you I had a plan.

Okay, Bumper, they said

there's just one opener,

and then you'll go on and crush it.

Okay, yeah.

I just, I I guess with

all the lying and stuff,

I totally forgot that I'm

actually very, very nervous

to go on stage alone.

You don't happen to have, like,

ten Tonehangers on you, do you?


Please, everyone, give me a warm welcome

to our first act of the day,



Come on! I can't hear you!

Well, untwist my pretzel

and pluck my guts.

Who's Gisela?

That's my ex-girlfriend,

the one I told you about.

She must be trying a solo

career now that DSM is over.

Okay, so this is a bad thing then?



Hello, Berlin.

Today, I am going to

sing two songs as one

in the name of unity.

It looks like she's g*n

for the German Unity Day too.

I wonder what song she's gonna sing.



What an idiot.

That's the song I was gonna sing.


Oh, no.







- Bumper!

- Nope, nope, nope!


Nope, nope, nope, nope!

BOTH: Cause and effect ♪

Cause and effect ♪
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