01x09 - The New Neighbors Meet the Addams Family

[bunniefuu]

♪ They're creepy
and they're kooky

♪ Mysterious and spooky

♪ They're altogether ooky

♪ The Addams family
♪ The house is a museum

♪ When people come to see 'em

♪ They really are a scream

♪ The Addams family

Neat.

Sweet.

Petite.

♪ So get a witch's shawl on

♪ A broomstick you can crawl on

♪ We're gonna pay a call on

♪ The Addams family ♪

Now, now, Cleopatra,
chew your burgers.

Don't gulp them.

Darling, now you see what
happens when you gulp?

Quite enough lunch.

Well, what do they look like?

Oh, just ordinary moving
men. One's tall, one's medium.

No, darling. I mean,
the new neighbors.

Oh, I haven't seen them yet.

They have some
interesting things, though.

Really?

There's an item you
could do things with.

Oh, I do hope
they're imaginative.

The real estate man
said they were newlyweds.

At least they're romantic.

Really? How nice.

I know just how they feel.

The joy of moving
into a new house.

I'll never forget my first
night in this lovely house.

We thought it was haunted.

Well, you can't have everything.

I only hope they'll
be half as happy.

How could they be anything else?

With us right next door.

Horrible house next door.

You suppose anybody lives in it?

Honey, I didn't even
know that house was there.

As I remember, the renting agent

had the shutters
closed on this side.

Married by a Justice of the
Peace, and, and no honeymoon

and now I spend my
wedding night in this house.

Well, it could have been worse.

You might have had
to spend it in that house.

What was that?

I-I-I-It was an expl*si*n
from... from that monstrosity.

I-I-I-I'll go over there
and see what's happening.

I-I-I-I'll go with you.

In sickness and in
health, for better, for worse,

we're stuck in
this thing together.

There we are now, down you go.

Mmm-hmm. Huh?

There we are. You see them yet?

No.

Maybe they'll see
us and come over.

I still think we should just have
gone over and introduced ourselves.

Oh, darling, no. That's
much too forward.

This is better.

Here they come.

Mmm.

Oh, how do you do?

I'm Gomez Addams.

This is my wife, Morticia.

How do you do?

Hubert Peterson. This
is my wife, Amanda.

We, we were just married.

Oh, how exciting!

You do that again...

Never mind the small
talk. Find out what blew up.

Oh, yes.

Uh, we were just wondering
about those little explosions.

What explosions?

Those explosions.

Oh, that must be Uncle Fester
playing with his new dynamite caps.

What?

He got them at
the discount house.

They are not up to par.

You mean there's somebody
exploding dynamite inside your house?

Where else would he do it?

Well, I see you're
washing your pup.

Oh, good heavens.
That isn't a pup.

It's an octopus.

You have an octopus for a pet?

Oh, no.

It's our son's pet.

Go ahead, shake his tentacle.

Take it away.

Darling, dry it first.

Oh, I'm sorry. Excuse me.

There we are.

He's really very friendly.

Let's get out of here.

Yes, well, nice
meeting you both.

Nice meeting you.

Seems like a nice chap.

She's a bit odd.

Little high-strung.

It's their wedding
day, a new house.

And, Aristotle, you
were very, very bashful.

Time to dry.

I had so hoped she'd be someone

I could exchange recipes with.

Hubert, you never should have rented
this house without letting me see it.

Honey, remember the
fantastic deal we got.

Well, I guess I'll just have
to pretend they're not there.

That's my dear, brave girl.

What was that?

What was what?

You know what.

Those sounds under the house.

Uh, termites?

I knew it. The
house is crumbling.

It came from over there.

Howdy.

I'm Uncle Fester,
from next door.

Gosh, Hubert, he's
that dynamite nut.

He'll blow us up.

I just came over to say hello.

Nail that shut.

Goodbye, Hubert. I'll call you.

Where are you going? Out.

Oh, but, honey, this
is our wedding day.

Enjoy it.

But, honey...

Oh, Mr. Wentworth, thank
goodness you're here.

And here's your lease,
all signed and sealed.

For a year, this happy
honeymoon cottage is all yours.

Hubert, either get me another
house or get yourself another wife.

Now, come down,
honey, calm down.

Perhaps Mr. Wentworth
will cancel the lease?

Oh, I'm only the rental agent.

Well, where do I find the owner?

Right next door.
His name is Addams.

What'd they hit you
with, Fester? I don't know.

I just opened up the trap door
and said, "Howdy," and wham!

Don't sound very friendly to me.

You must have frightened them
going through Pugsley's tunnel.

Next time, Uncle Fester, knock.

I did.

Really?

Gomez, we have ourselves
some very peculiar neighbors.

Peculiar? They're
a couple of nuts.

There's only one thing to do.

Get rid of them.

I can't. I signed the
lease this morning.

I'll get rid of them.

I'll go with you, Fester.

Right, Mama.

I haven't used this beauty
since the taxman was here.

Fester, Mama,
control yourselves.

Yes, think of what you're doing.

You know, they're right.

We better not go over
there in broad daylight.

They're liable to ambush us.

We'll wait till it's dark.

You will do no such thing.
They're our neighbors.

Excuse me, my dearest.

Probably them, coming
over to apologize.

We'd better go out in the
backyard and practice, anyway.

Just in case.

Ah, Mr. Wentworth, how
nice to see you again.

And it's always such a...

Such a thrill to see
you, Mrs. Addams.

My! That's a new
dress you're wearing.

How kind of you to notice.

Glad you dropped in, Wentworth.

Those new tenants, have
they signed the lease yet?

They want to break it.

Leave that lovely cottage?

With its view of this
fine old mansion?

Well, they're
young, rattlebrained.

They did seem a bit nervous.

But it's their wedding day.

I shook, too, remember?

Yes.

Anyway, the lease is signed,

and they'll just have
to learn to live with you.

Uh, it.

We'll try to make them
as happy as possible.

Ah, you're real people.

Well, goodbye,
Mr. Addams. Wentworth.

Mrs. Addams.

Those poor Petersons.

What can we do for them?

I think I know
what their trouble is.

They are lonely.

You may be right.

Oh, Gomez, we've
been very selfish.

After all, they're newlyweds.

I should have been over
there a long time ago.

With a pot of henbane soup,

some of my dwarf's hair
cobbler and marital advice.

Let's go over right now.

No, darling, I
have a better idea.

Let's invite them over
tonight for a game of bridge.

You think they'll wanna play
bridge on their wedding night?

Of course, it'll relax them.

You rang?

Lurch, go over to the Petersons'

and invite them over
for bridge tonight.

And, Lurch, use the front
door, not Pugsley's tunnel.

Yes, Mrs. Addams.

I hope they're sharp players.

Oh, so do I.

We haven't had
any real competition

since the Thompsons
were taken away.

You think they'll come?

Oh, I'm sure they will.
Lurch is very persuasive.

You see? They've accepted.

I do hope everything
goes well tonight.

How can it fail, my dear?

You're such a perfect
hostess. Darling.

And if the bridge gets dull,

you can do your
animal imitations.

Do them now, Tish.

Oh, darling. Please.

Very well.

Now the bullfrog, Tish.

That bullfrog, it
drives me wild.

Let's not play
cards tonight, Tish.

I feel like honeymooning
myself tonight.

Darling, you're so impetuous.

Bridge first, bullfrog later.

Isn't it a little late
for Uncle Fester

to be playing with
his dynamite caps?

It's not dynamite,
that was a g*nsh*t.

Came from the playroom.

Better not miss, Fester.

Morticia hates b*llet
holes in her wall.

Don't worry. I'm aiming way
down lower at the pigeon's feet.

What's going on down here?

Well, if you insist on
inviting those barbarians

from next door over for bridge,

I just want to be prepared.

Fester's very
handy with that g*n.

He sh*t a pigeon
right through the eye.

It wasn't even the
one I was aiming at.

Oh, Uncle Fester, I'm sure
we're not going to have any trouble

with that nice young couple.

Oh, no?

Well, this little
beauty mark wasn't

caused by a mosquito
bite, you know.

All this fuss over a
bump on the head.

I think it's rather attractive.

That's true, Fester.

I guess anything's
an improvement.

Mama will serve
the refreshments.

I'll serve it to them,
right over their heads.

You?

The soul of
graciousness and charm?

Well, that's true.

Couldn't I just spill
some coffee in their laps?

Not a drop.

Well, how about a little
cream down their backs?

Remember, you're an Addams.

Oh, you're right, dear.

All this hostile talk,

and those two poor
dears are sitting over there

just dying to be friendly.

No, no, no! I'm not
going over there!

Look, we've got to go.

Do you expect me to be
nice to those, those spooks?

Oh, be reasonable!

If we break the lease,
he'll sue us. But...

But if we butter them up,
they may let us out of the lease.

Now, come on.

Must I?

You must.

Well, love, honor is one thing,

but why do they
have to say obey?

Well, they should be
along any minute now.

Oh, I do hope the new
neighbors will like the house.

Do you think they will?

How can they help it?

It is nice and dismal, isn't it?

Don't be modest, my dear.

It's absolutely bleak.

Thank you, darling.

Oh, those roses want trimming.

Have you seen my shears, dear?

Why, thank you, Thing.

Thing,

you need a
manicure. Look at that.

And I did so want you to look
nice for the new neighbors.

Who knows? They might
introduce you to a nice girl, Thing.

Oh, come now.

Don't you ever long for
something to hold hands with?

Woman hater.

Very well, Thing.
Find your own friends.

My dear, I don't think there's
time to start clipping roses now.

Oh?

Well, perhaps you're right.

I know.

Beautiful.

Oh, yes.

You are so very clever.

Thank you, darling.

Uncle Fester, what
are you doing there?

If those neighbors
start getting rough-like,

Genevieve will put
them in their right place.

Uncle Fester, I will not stand

for any bloodshed
in my living room.

Morticia's right, Uncle Fester.

That's a brand new rug in there.

However, never fear, my dear.

Uncle Fester's aim is terrible.

He's been practicing.

I don't need practice.

Even with my eyes shut,
I always hit something.

You can relax, Morticia.

An Addams never starts trouble.

He just gets into it.

Hubie, please, I
can't go in there.

Honey, our future's at stake.
Now, you've got to go along.

Go along. And say nothing.

Say nothing. Be pleasant.

Be pleasant. And smile.

That's it, and no matter
what happens, smile.

Oh, hello, hello!

Welcome, honeymooners.

Welcome, welcome.

Aren't they thoughtful, dear?

Throwing rice?

That's not rice, old man.

It's lizards' teeth.

Lizards' teeth?

In the Amazon, no wedding
ceremony is complete

without the traditional
shower of lizards' teeth.

Lovely.

L-L-Lovely.

On to the bridge table.

My, what a beautiful
room. She agrees.

How sweet of you to say so.

Is that... A-A-A-Amanda.

What an unusual decoration.

Do you like it?

Oh, we love it. Seems
to, uh, tell a story.

You're the first one
to really appreciate it.

It's yours.

Oh, no!

We insist.

Oh, I see you've noticed
another little treasure.

Isn't it cute, dear? Two heads.

Cute.

Well, you know
what they always say,

two heads are better than one.

Say no more. Take it.

I wouldn't have
that thing... Amanda.

Thank you. You're welcome.

I can see by your expression that
you're fascinated by Pierre there.

Well, we'll throw it in
for good measure, too.

But, I... No buts.

Of course not.

After all, Pierre would only
be lonely with the turtle gone.

You're so kind.

Kind.

Generous.

Generous.

Smile. Smile.

Don't misunderstand, Mr. Addams.

We like our house very much.

Then why do you
want to move out?

The rent too high?

Oh, no, no.

Be glad to lower it. What
would you like to pay?

Well, it's not that at all.

It-it's just that it's too far
away from the supermarkets.

Oh, goodness. You don't
need any supermarkets.

I know a lot of little
specialty shops.

Do you folks like
fricassee of toad?

Amanda.

Love it.

Good.

I'll make you up a batch.

What... What... Oh,
what a wonderful idea.

Five-handed bridge.

Dear Thing. Loves to kibitz.

Thing, say hello
to the Petersons.

Nice to meet you.

Do you mind if I smoke?

No, go right ahead.

Hubert!

I just don't understand
their running out that way.

We couldn't have
been friendlier.

Neither could Thing.

He has such a
wonderful social instinct.

Tries to make everyone
feel right at home.

Maybe it's because
he was kibitzing.

That makes some bridge
players terribly nervous.

Oh, I don't think so, dear.

Besides, the card he
threw was absolutely right.

They certainly liked our home.

Gomez, was it impolite
of me to smoke?

Querida mia, everyone smokes.

Gomez, do you
think it's possible

they could have been
frightened by the sh*t?

What sh*t?

Uncle Fester's g*n.

Oh, that.

Well, they were a bit jumpy.

Darling, of course
they were jumpy.

It was their wedding day.

How could we have been so blind?

That about right, my dear?

Perfect, darling.

It all goes to prove how
foolish superstition can be.

Here our young friends get
married on Friday the 13th,

and just look how beautifully
everything turned out.

Well, looking a
little better, isn't it?

It's the most gosh-awful...
Smile, Hubert.

It's beautiful.

We knew when we saw
you admiring our lovely fish

that you were people of taste.

Our kind of people.

Excuse me.

Hubert, do you love
me? Of course I love you.

Do you really love me?

Well, I wouldn't have
married you if I didn't love you.

Then prove it. Get those people
and their awful things out of my house.

Honey, I can't.

We've gotta be nice to
him to get out of the lease.

I don't care about
your silly lease.

Either you get us out of this
whole mess or I'm leaving.

I... I think I've got an idea.

Well, whatever it is, try it.

I will.

Mr. Addams? Yes.

I'd like to talk to you.
Certainly. Go right ahead.

Well, before you go
to any more trouble,

I, I think I ought to tell you the real
reason we can't stay in this house.

Oh, what's that?

Well, I, I got a wire
from my company,

and I'm being
transferred to Hong Kong.

Say no more. I understand
and I'll take care of it.

Would you?

After all, Peterson,
what are neighbors for?

Oh, the dear Petersons.

I do hope they're
feeling better today.

They're bound to, after I
tell them the good news.

Oh, here they are.

Oh, come in, come in.

I have capital news
for you, old man.

You mean we're free to move?

Au contraire,
you're free to stay.

What? What?

I bought your company and you
don't have to go to Hong Kong.

You can stay and be
our neighbors forever.

Oh, the poor dears.

I guess the excitement
was just too much for them.

Cigar, Thing?

I forgot. You can't smoke.

Oh, boy! Very
clever play, Thing.

Darling, the oddest
thing happened.

The Petersons left
all those lovely things

we gave them on our front lawn.

Probably thought we
were being too generous.

Perhaps. Still, it's strange.

We haven't seen
them in three days.

Darling, it's their honeymoon.

Oh, yes, of course. I forgot.

They must be starved.

I think I'll take them over
a nice casserole of yak,

knock discreetly,
then tiptoe away.

What if they don't like yak?

Not like yak?

Darling, you make
them sound weird.

No, the king.

Mmm-hmm.

What in the world
brought that on?

Probably resented
your helping me.

After what he did
at our bridge game?

Thing? Open up.

Thing! I do not
like petulant things.

Now, was that nice?

Very well, that's better.

Your play, Thing.

Ah, beats me every time.

Forget it, darling.
Forget the Petersons.

Do the bullfrog for me, Tish.

Please. Please.

Very well.

It's our turn now.

They won't see
us for three days.

Bubele.