01x22 - Amnesia in the Addams Family

[bunniefuu]

♪ They're creepy
and they're kooky

♪ Mysterious and spooky

♪ They're altogether ooky

♪ The Addams family
♪ The house is a museum

♪ When people come to see 'em

♪ They really are a scream

♪ The Addams family

Neat.

Sweet.

Petite.

♪ So get a witch's shawl on

♪ A broomstick you can crawl on

♪ We're gonna pay a call on

♪ The Addams family ♪

Good morning, Cleopatra.

Here you are, darling.

Don't gulp.

Querida.

Darling. Did you
enjoy your breakfast?

Oh, truly delectable.

I'm glad.

I spent the whole morning
gathering toadstools for your omelette.

Allow me to express
my appreciation

with this new policy on my
life, with you as sole beneficiary.

Oh, how thoughtful, darling.

A million dollars.

What a nice round
figure, bubele.

Tish, you know what you
do when you call me bubele.

Darling, you've
just had breakfast.

You're right.

There's a nice round double
indemnity clause in that policy.

Really? Sounds lovely.
What does it mean?

In case of accident you
get twice the amount.

Oh.

I trust that won't put
ideas in your head.

Gomez!

Merely a jest, my dear.

I'm afraid I shall favor
you with my presence

for an exasperatingly long time

with my new physical
fitness program.

Darling, where did you
get the Indian clubs?

Where does anyone
get old Indian clubs?

From an old Indian.

Darling!

Oh, are you hurt?

Oh, Gomez, are you all right?

Who's Gomez?

You are.

Bubele.

What's a bubele?

Oh, this is dreadful.

Has your memory been destroyed?

I don't know. I don't remember.

Oh, my poor darling.

Please. I, I don't
believe we've met.

Gomez, I'm Morticia, your wife.

I'm married? Of course.

To you? Yes.

Why are you wearing black?

Darling, I always wear black.

You said it was so becoming.

I did?

Are you sure we're married?

Well, of...

Look, here's the insurance
policy you bought for me, see?

A million dollars.

Well, I'm glad I have money.

Here, darling, let
me help you up.

There.

Now, your name is Gomez Addams.

And you've just
had your breakfast.

And you're in your
very own home.

Very depressing.

You don't like it?

It looks like a museum
that's been condemned.

Oh, dear.

I must do something
to restore your mind.

I was right! The
house is falling.

You rang?

What's that?

That's our butler, Lurch.

Is it real or do you wind it up?

Gomez!

Mr. Addams seems to
have lost his memory, Lurch.

Perhaps a nice,
hot cup of henbane?

Henbane!

Gah.

Just give me a glass of milk.

Milk?

From a cow?

There's no need to go that far.

Moose milk will do.

Never mind.

Uh, just tell your
gargoyle to take off.

He makes me nervous.

Gomez, you hurt
Lurch's feelings.

Perhaps a nice visit with
the children would soothe you.

Children? What children?

Our children, dear.

Madam, are you suggesting...

that we've been
more than friends?

Gomez, we're married.

Oh, I forgot.

Come along, dear.

Children, say
hello to your father.

Hello, Father. Hello, Father.

How do you do?

Go right ahead
with your playing.

We don't want to disturb you.

Surely you recognize
your own offspring?

No, but the girl
does resemble you.

And Pugsley is the image of you.

He is? Oh, naturally.
Look in the mirror.

I'm afraid.

What the devil is that?

That's Lucifer, my pet.

He's nice and slippery.

I'm going to get you a lovely,

golden-haired doll
that says "mama."

But what have I done?

Nothing.

Then why are you punishing me?

I'm not punishing you.

I just want you to get
rid of that ghastly bug.

Yes, yes, dear.

Pugsley, why don't
you show your father

what you can do with the trains.

Watch this, Father.

Swell wreck, wasn't it?

Swell wreck?

The boy needs help.

Until you pay for those trains,

I am cutting off your allowance.

But I don't get any allowance.

Starting today, you'll get an
allowance so I can cut it off.

There's a touch of
madness around here.

Children, your
father isn't himself.

And until he gets better we're
just going to have to humor him.

We understand.

Father's flipped!

Pugsley!

I'm afraid you're right.

Why do you keep staring at me?

Doesn't everyone?

I'm so glad to see you and Uncle
Fester having such a nice chat.

Uncle Fester.

From your side of
the family, I hope.

You'll have to excuse
him, Uncle Fester.

He's had a lapse of memory.

And a bad shock.

Several bad shocks.

What he needs is a good
workout in the playroom.

A half an hour
on the bed of nails

and you'll be in as
good a shape as I am.

Now I'm worried.

Come along, darling.

It might do you some
good. Come along.

This is the playroom?

Of course.

A place of joy and laughter.

He's not laughing.

Lurch holds his laughter inside.

Let it out, Lurch.

Put it back, Lurch.

How's your headache,
Uncle Fester?

A couple more
turns ought to do it.

Ah.

Darling, you've
always loved this room.

Don't you like it now?

It has its points.

Well, this is an interesting
old woodcarving.

Me, a woodcarving?

It's alive!

Mama, he's had
a lapse of memory.

I'm thinking of putting
him on the rack.

Good idea.

A few twists might
straighten him out.

A few twists?

Yes, darling. You see, we
tie your hands and your feet

and then Lurch turns the crank.

And that will make me better?

And taller, too.

You're trying to k*ll me.

Oh, no, darling. Get
that double indemnity...

No, no, no.

You're dearer to
me than all the bats

in all the caves in the world.

Now trust me, Gomez.

All right.

But I'm not going on that rack.

All right, darling,
you don't have to.

Perhaps if you took part in
some simple household routine,

it would do more to
bring your memory back.

I have it. Would you like
to help me feed the plants?

Yes, that sounds
harmless enough.

All right.

Mama, would you care to join us?

No, I can't.

I have to stay in the
stock another hour.

It's my beauty treatment.

Better make that two hours.

Go ahead, darling, feed
her. With hamburgers?

What else? Go on.

That thing tried to eat me.

Nonsense.

Humans give her
terrible heartburn.

Show Father how much
you love him, Cleopatra.

It's choking me.

Nonsense. She's embracing you.

You're trying to k*ll me!

To get that insurance money.

Oh, Cleopatra.

I know, darling.

I know how it
feels to be scorned.

You must believe me, Gomez.

I would no more harm you
than a vulture in its nest.

Vultures! Are they
circling already?

Of course not, bubele.

Don't call me that
ridiculous name.

It used to thrill you.

It would turn you into a,
a fiery furnace of affection.

Impossible.

Let's recapture those
mad moments, Gomez.

Kiss my arm.

Your arm?

Darling, I'm yours.

From shoulder to knuckle.

Isn't that rather unsanitary?

I must awaken you,
Gomez. And I will.

Not in that absurd outfit.

Darling... No offense,

but something must be
done about your clothes.

Just your type.

Oh, no, Gomez, please.

He's sicker than I thought.

You don't like my presents?

Oh, darling, of course.

I always love your presents.

It's just that they're so...

expensive.

Well, certainly
they're expensive.

But it's worth it to see
my wife dressed properly.

Son, why don't you go lie
down for a while? You're not well.

Nonsense! Never
felt better in my life.

I shopped like mad.
Beautiful, isn't it?

I think I better go lie down.

They're all so lovely.

I don't know
which to try on first.

Well, perhaps I
have overdone it a bit.

Yes. I need time to absorb your
generosity and to think about it.

Lurch, would you put these...
things upstairs in my room?

I'll try them on later.

Darling, why don't you relax?

It's not very easy
to relax around here.

Well, of course it is.
Stand on your head.

He's even talking
of chopping down

my beautiful African strangler.

k*ll Cleopatra?

That's m*rder!

Father wouldn't do that.

Your father's ill, dear.

He doesn't know
what he's saying.

Oh, I just don't
know what to do.

I'd hoped one of you
might have a suggestion.

How about a little heat therapy?

That might snap him out of it.

I could boil some oil
and dip his head in it.

No, no, you did that for
his migraine, remember?

It just made him hotheaded.

Yes, Thing. What is it?

Do you have an idea?

Oh, no, no. I, I
read about that, too,

but I couldn't do
it, I just couldn't.

Do what?

It's here, in Grandpa
Squint's old medical book.

I marked it.

Ah, see?

"When amnesia is caused
by a blow on the head,

"it can sometimes be cured by
giving the victim a similar blow."

But I could never
do that to Gomez.

We'll just have to wait and
hope that he comes to his senses

before he destroys
our beautiful way of life.

I never thought anyone
in this family'd go nutty.

Well, maybe he'll be better
when we get back, honey.

I'm taking the children
to the movies to see

The Batwoman From Outer Space.

They love those
true-life stories.

Lovely, Mama.

Children, you run along now.

But take the back door and
don't disturb your dear father.

Oh, goody, goody.

Oh, goody, goody.

Morticia can't do it, huh?

If it'll make Gomez
well, I can do it.

I love that boy
but I'll clobber him.

Well, hello there, Fester.

Didn't hear you come in.

I sneaked in.

Must have dozed off.
Fell out of the chair.

Oh, how do you feel?

Fine. Never felt
better in my life.

You're looking
mighty good today.

Handsome as usual.

Where's Morticia?
Oh, I'll, I'll call her.

Morticia! Morticia!

Oh, Gomez, darling, I was
going to try on these dresses

but I didn't know which
one you wanted to see first.

Great jumping catfish!

Where did you find
those monstrosities?

Find them? But... Never
mind where they came from.

Put them back, cara mia. Please.

Oh, yes, Gomez,
darling, yes, I will.

I'm so happy.

Querida mia.

I'll be right back down.

Cara.

It's for his own good.

Gomez, darling.

I thought I'd bring these
things all downstairs

and then call a junkman
to come and get them.

Junkman? For your new clothes?

Well, since you've told me
to get rid of them, I thought...

No, no, my dear.

I said get rid of that
horrible black thing.

But, bubele?

Not bubele.

Very well, Mr. Addams.

I... Perhaps, I'm too
strict with you, my dear.

After all, you are my wife.

Yes, and it isn't easy.

So you may call me "honey bun."

Or "doll boy."

Doll boy. Oh, he is sick.

Now run upstairs and
get rid of that black thing

and put on some proper clothing.

If this goes on much longer,

the proper clothing for
me will be a straitjacket.

Very well...

doll boy.

Doesn't seem a
bit better, does he?

You children go play.
I've got things to do.

You mean hit my own
father with an Indian club?

It's for his own good.

Then you do it.

He might get mad at me.

He might get mad at me, too.

But while Father is ill,
you're the head of the family.

Hand me that club.

Oh, Gomez darling,
you don't know

what it means to me
to have you well again.

Well? I'm always well
when I'm with you, cara mia.

Later, darling, later.

Later. Right now, I'm starved.

Anything your heart desires.

How about some of
that nice baked iguana?

Capital! An iguana sandwich and
a steaming cup of pinecone nectar.

Darling, you go right
over here and you sit down

and make yourself comfortable.

I want to fix it myself.

Querida.

There he is. In the chair.

What if he sees us?

I'll take care of that.

Hello, Father.

Hello there.

I have a surprise for you.

Good, I love surprises.

Close your eyes.

All right.

Keep them closed real tight.

Oh, I will.

I'm sorry it took
so long, darling.

But I wanted
everything to be just so.

Is there something wrong?

I just had a dizzy
spell or something.

Ah, well, this will fix you up.

What's that?

Why, it's your lunch, darling.

Baked iguana and
pinecone nectar.

Good heavens!

Of all the nauseating-looking
concoctions.

Are you trying to poison me?

Oh, darling, don't even...

Oh, no, you're sick again.

Oh, now what am I going to do?

Well, for one thing, you could
bring me some decent food.

A hot dog with chili on
it, a bottle of orange pop,

and a slab of apple
pie with cheese.

Oh, Gomez!

That's all it says, Uncle
Fester. "A blow on the head."

You must have
done it incorrectly.

You know, I thought
I did it real good.

He seemed well
after I belted him.

He was for a while,
but it just didn't last.

There's only one
thing left to do.

Oh, boy! Hit him again.

This time I'll belt him...

No, Uncle Fester,
this time I'll do it.

But I'll need your help.

Oh, I'll hold him for you.

Oh, I can't do it. I can't bear the
look on his face when I hit him.

Should I put a
sack over his head?

No. No, I have a
much better idea.

You know those long
drapes in the living room?

Sure.

You tell him that you're
playing a game with the children

and then get him to hide
behind them out of sight.

Oh, boy, this sounds like fun!

That way I can give
him the club treatment

without looking at
his dear, sweet face.

There he is.

I'll get him behind the drapes,
then you conk him good.

I hope it works this time.

So do I.

His poor head must
be getting lumpy.

Yeah, but on him it looks good.

Hi, Gomez. I've been
looking all over for you.

The children and I are
gonna play hide-and-seek.

Would you care to join us?

I'm busy.

Oh, come on, Gomez,
you need the relaxation.

All right, all right.
Come on. Come on.

I'll play. Oh, good.

Now we'll hide over
there behind the drapes.

They'll never find us.

Come on, now,
you take this side.

Over here, like that.
And I'll get in here.

Are you ready, Gomez?

Ready.

We're ready!

Oh, darling, forgive me.

What in the world
did you do to Fester?

Gomez! I thought it was you!

Me? You thought...

I was right. You
are trying to k*ll me.

No, no, darling, I'm only
trying to make you well.

With a club? Yes!

You want that
insurance money. No!

You won't get me!
I'm getting out of here!

Oh, my poor,
battered, wounded love.

Speak to me.

Ah, querida.

Oh, darling,
you're well at last.

Bubele.

A little harder, Thing.

That's it.

Nothing takes the knots off
a man's head like sandpaper.

Dear Thing. He has
such a gentle touch.

Oh, that fire smells good.

What are we burning?

Your Indian clubs.

If I did half the
things you said I did,

I must have been
a sick, sick man.

Thanks to you, cara
mia, I'm all well now.

You really should
thank Uncle Fester, dear.

Thank you, Fester.

Who's Fester?

Oh, no.