02x04 - Baby Makes Uh, Three

[bunniefuu]

BABY MAKES
UH, THREE

- Fix the picture, dude.
- I'm trying.

Come on, dude,
we're missing it.

Got it.

- You're doing great, honey.
- Come on, one more big push.

I love you so much, honey.

Hey, Butt-Head,
the TV is out of focus.

Focus, focus,
asswipe.

- What's Bono's problem?
- Yeah, what's Bono's problem?

Black and white sucks.

- Wow! That's a big dog!
- That's a buffalo dumbass.

They should sh**t it.

That would be cool.

Yeah, like that movie
"Dancing with wolfs".

Uney.

Whiney.

Ooney.

Ooney.

Ooney.

- Is this, like, a quiz?
- This is like school.

Push th' little daisies and
make 'em come up.

Push th' little daisies and
make 'em come up.

That's not funny.
Dumbass.

Is this art?

This means something.

Yeah,
it means something stupid.

Joey Buttafuoco.

He said "Buttafuoco".

Hey, Beavis,
what do you think "Buttafuoco" means?

He said "backdoor".

Dude looks like a lady.

This is the coolest video
I've ever seen in my life.

Cool!

Beavis,
I thought you where daddy's little cutie.

Shut up, Bunghole!

Yes!

Check it out: she is pissed.
She hates it.

Everybody thinks babies are cute.
Cute.

Well, there are not so damn cute when
there are yours. I tell you that right now.

Crapping and puking all over you.

They cost a damn fortune to feed and clothe
and all they end up doing is,

making you miserable like you people
are doing to your parents right now!

It's time that you,
teen pregnancy candidates,

learn a thing or
two about responsibility.

Does anybody know what this is?

That's his wife's butt.

It is a baby.
And everybody is getting one.

I have divided the class into
male/female pairs.

And every couple gets one of these for
a week of nurturing and cooperation.

Everywhere where you go
you take it with you.

If you can not take it with you.
You are arranged for a sitter.

Is that clear!?

Mr. Buzzcut?
Mr. Buzzcut?

Yes, Butt-Head.

I can't do the assignment.
I'm diatetic.

I'm sure you mean diabetic, Butt-Head.
And you will do this assignment.

Each couple keeps a journal of it's
activities with the baby.

Any gaps - you fail.

Any mistakes - you fail.
Any damage to the baby - you fail.

And if you fail this project.
You fail the course,

because having a child is a pass
fail situation, people.

There's a list of partners
find yours and get a baby.

Is that clear?

Hey, it says my partner is Butt-Head.

Yes, I making an exception
in your case.

All right.

Every girl in the class asked me privately
not to be paired with either of you.

So, I thought this was
the best solution.

Besides, with h*m* couples
increasingly adopting babies,

this will making our situation
even more realistic.

Do you find that amusing, Butt-Head?

One week from today.

We all meet back here with our sugar
babies and our journals. Is that clear?

Good luck and good parenting, people.

I don't know how to take care of a baby.
What do you do?

Hey, let's give it a bath.

I'm gonna slap you around like
a redheaded stepchild.

You drown it, dude.

We'll never get to see it grow up.

- Aerobic suck.
- Yeah.

What the hell is this crap?

This sucks.

- It's "Curly" from "The three stooges".
- Yeah.

Hey, Beavis, check this out.
"Somewhere That he never should have been".

- You looks like a zombie.
- Yeah.

"Thunder rolls".

What ever happen to country songs
about whiskey drinking and butt kicking?

Yeah. They should have, like, "Ice Cube"
come out and start kicking this guy.

Yeah.
Then this video would be cool.

Wow! Come on, shove it!

This sucks,
they never show the good stuff.

I hate sitcoms.

"And so, it is with, at most regret,

"That I must report that our baby was
stolen by gypsies in the night".

Yeah.
Sorry about that.

And it is with equal regret that
I've must report that you boys both fail!

Not only fail, but fail more
miserably than any student,

I have ever had the
misfortune to teach!

What the hell.
It was fine this morning.

Damn catalytic converter.

What is your major malfunction!?

Why are you sputtering?

What's that noise?

Is that like that movie
"Beyond Superdome"?

Yeah,
that was cool.

How can all these videos
have cages in them?

Because they are cool.

This is like a zoo.
Where they keep cool people.

Yeah.

Hey, Beavis,
do you have a "Nine inch nail"?

This is pretty cool.

Yeah,
nails are cool.

That guys pulling the rope.