09x03 & 09x04 - Boxed In/Beekeepers

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Beavis and Butt-Head". Aired: March 8, 1993 – present.*
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Adult animated series follows Beavis and Butt-Head, both voiced by Judge, a pair of teenage slackers characterized by their apathy, lack of intelligence, lowbrow humor, and love for hard rock and heavy metal music.
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09x03 & 09x04 - Boxed In/Beekeepers

Post by bunniefuu »

♪ ♪

Hey, how's it going?

Do you have any matches?
- No.

- How about a lighter?
- No.

Because it says
you have fire wings.

Get out of here, kid.

Damn it. Fartknocker.

Huh, let's go have a look.

♪ ♪

Whoa, fire!
Yeah, yeah!

Yeah, fire!
Fire!

Fire! Fire!

♪ ♪

Hello, Beavis.

I have been waiting for you.

I am Fire.

Whoa, yeah, fire!
Yeah, yeah.

You, like... you kick ass. Yeah.

I have great power, yes.

Yeah, yeah.
Wait a minute.

So, like... so you can talk?

I have always been able
to talk to you, Beavis.

Remember?

All: ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

Beavis, it is I, Fire.

Look upon my fearful glory.

Fire.

Yeah, fire.

Um, Fire, do you remember
when I put an M-80

in Mr. Anderson's mailbox
and it started a big fire?

Yes, that was me.

Remember when I found
my first lighter

and it was, like, fire. Yeah.

I remember.
I am Fire.

Have you ever been in a volcano?

I am in all the volcanoes.

And what about that forest fire?

Yeah.
- That was a great day.

Yeah, Smokey the Bear sucks. Yeah.

It's not his fault.
I k*lled his parents.

He's just trying
to mend the hole

in his heart that I put there.

You're cool, yeah.

Quite so.

And you, Beavis,

are my special one.

- Fire, fire!
- Fire.

Now, Beavis, listen to me.

I am going to command you,

and you will do
exactly as I say.

Yes, Fire, tell me what
to do, and I will obey, yeah.

Very good.

Now, Beavis, go to your school

and run four times
around the track.

That will be one mile.

Um, that's what
you want me to do?

Yes.

Okay,
I guess that's pretty cool.

Yeah, yeah.
I'm gonna run, yeah.

Now, be gone!

Fire, fire!

Yeah, fire.
Fire, yeah, fire.

Hey, Fire, I'm back.

Did you run
around the track four times,

completing a distance
of one mile?

Yes, Fire, yes.
I did as you command, yes.

Very good, my loyal servant.

So, Fire, um, why did you
command me to do that?

It was good exercise.

You needed it.

Well, I guess so.

I don't know.
I mean, if you say so.

Butt-Head
doesn't understand us, does he?

My special one,

what we have, what I am?

No, he doesn't.
Yeah, he sucks.

Yeah, let's burn him. Yeah.

Hmm, perhaps, in good time,

but not today,

for I have for you
a second command.

Yes, command me.

Yeah, that first one
was just a warm-up. Yeah.

Look around you, Beavis.

The streets of the city
are crawling with filth,

but you and I know
what to do about filth,

don't we, Beavis?

Yes! Yeah!
Yeah, fire!

I command you

to pick up all of the
plastic bottles in this alley

and put them in the recycling

and then the same
for the surrounding streets!

Really? Um, you command me
to do that?

- Obey me!
- Okay, okay. Yeah.

Yeah, fire. Okay.

Get this here.

Get one of these.

No, not the regular trash!

The blue one!
- Okay, okay.

Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.

Beavis, here's a
little something

for you from Cale Dodds.

Yeah, this is country,
I can tell, yeah.

♪ Down a two lane
with no name... ♪

I can tell because he said
"down a two lane."

And there's, like, a story.

I think that's the guy
who makes "Family Guy."

I didn't know he was
a country singer, too, yeah.

♪ I see you in a sun dress ♪

Whoa, he's trying to score
at breakfast.

Yeah, and didn't work, yeah.

Well, you know, there's always
lunch and dinner.

♪ They're all coming ♪

Uh, okay, he's like,
"Okay, I can handle this."

Uh, hello, I'm country star
Cale Dodds.

I used to be a loser like you.

Uh, I mean, not like you, exactly.

Yeah, you know what I mean,
um, I was in a band.

All the chicks liked me
and all that, you know.

I was nothing like you.

You're a loser.

He's like, you see,
your problem is this sweater.

Yeah, just get rid
of the sweater,

and that chick'll come
right over here

and get it on with you right
in the middle of Applebee's.

Uh, this is like
all those movies

where, like,
the good-looking cool guy

teaches the dork how to score,

and he, like, trains him.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

He's grooming him.

He's like, you know,
now that I paid for your meal,

why don't you come back
to my place

and try on some clothes for me?

Yeah.

He's gonna wind up
in a shallow grave.

They told us about these kind
of guys in health class.

All the warning signs
were there.

They may come across
as friendly at first.

They might even sing you
a country song.

But beware.

They might buy your breakfast,

but that breakfast isn't free.

Here's what happened
to a young man

who went home with Cale Dodds.

♪ The stars ain't started
to glow ♪

So, like, does this video mean

that if you change your shirt,
you'll score with chicks?

[both chuckle]
- Yeah, that's ridiculous!

Because I have the coolest shirt

you could possibly have,
and I still don't score.

♪ I like where this
is going ♪

♪ I like it, yeah, I like it ♪

Uh, the only way he can score

is to go to a club
and sit around

and wait for a girl to trip
and fall over.

Yeah, maybe I should try that.

As soon as the director
says "cut,"

that hot girl's gonna
leave the dork

and go score with Cale Dodds.

And then the dork
is gonna go home alone,

put on a new shirt,
and spank his monkey.

Now that's a country song.

Um, okay, Fire, um,
so I picked up all the bottles.

Very good.
Very good indeed.

Yeah, I guess it was fine.
I don't know.

Beavis, are you ready
to obey my next command?

Yes, Fire, yes!

And something cool
this time maybe. Yeah.

I think you'll find this
very cool.

You could say
I was just getting warmed up.

Now, listen closely

to what you shall do.

Yeah!
I'm listening closely. Yeah.

You will go
and read "Call of the Wild"

and write
a two-page report on it.

Um, what?

Now do my bidding.

Use topic sentences!

Um, Fire, um, why are you
making me do this stuff?

You are my special one, Beavis.

Uh-huh.

And it's about time
you applied yourself.

It's one thing to screw
around in middle school,

but you are almost at the point
where it counts for colleges.

Oh, boy.

Now go

before I make it five pages!

Um, just wait here
a second. Yeah.

Um, did you know there's a fire
in the garbage back there?

Again?

Yeah, there it is.

What?

No, Beavis, no.
Stop him, Beavis.

The pain!
I'm being extinguished!

Punish him that dare...

Oh, please.

It doesn't have to be
two pages...

just three paragraphs.

Remember the M-80s.

So cold.

Thanks, kid.

And there was
so much left to burn.

Farewell, my special one.

That fire sucked.

Whoa, cool.

Yeah, fire!

Fire. Fire, fire!

♪ ♪

Chirp.
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