02x13 & 02x14 - No Laughing

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Beavis and Butt-Head". Aired: March 8, 1993 – present.*
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Adult animated series follows Beavis and Butt-Head, both voiced by Judge, a pair of teenage slackers characterized by their apathy, lack of intelligence, lowbrow humor, and love for hard rock and heavy metal music.
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02x13 & 02x14 - No Laughing

Post by bunniefuu »

NO
LAUGHING

Bueno.
(Okay)

Recuerdan por favor, clase,
(Okay. Please remember class)

Siempre contestan en Español. ¿Bueno?
(always answer in Spanish, okay?

¿Señor Butt-Head,
(Mr Butt-Head)

cómo es Juan?
(What is Juan like?)

Burritos?

No, no, no.

¿Cómo es Juan?
(What is Juan like?)

¿Cómo es Juan?
(What is Juan like?)

- Guacamole.
- No, no. ¿Señor Beavis,

cómo es Juan?
(What is Juan like?)

- Spaghetti.
- Spaghetti?

Spaghetti?
That's Italian, you moron.

Dammit! You idiots have been in this
class for almost a whole school year,

and the only Spanish you know
is what you learned at Taco Bell.

And Beavis can't
even get that right.

I'm gonna give you little bastards
just 10 seconds

to come up with
a sentence in Spanish,

and if you can't, you're both
going to the principal's office

and you're both flunking.

Well, I'm waiting.

Rendo-pordo-curdoh-nadava-duv-duv-dug ...
Rico Suave.

Principal's office, now!

Taco Supreme.

Get out! Now!

What a hell is this crap?

Mine have more bumps.

Hey Beavis, this guy
sounds like you.

Shut up, fartknocker.

That dude is wearing
a yamaha.

He is a loser.

- And a panzy.
- Yeah.

This guy sucks.

Push the little panzy
and make 'em come up.

Push the little panzy
and make 'em come up.

That was cool.

- These guys got no future.
- Yeah.

Check it out it's Corky.

- Push this.
- Yeah, push this.

Wow.

She said "uh".

I'm already up.

- Is this a commercial?
- Yeah.

It's a commercial for
MTV's house of butts.

She sings better than
Cindy Crawford.

Yeah,
it's "High noon on my Sundial"

I like music.

- She sad "cream".
- Yeah.

Excuse me, Beavis,
I have to go spank my monkey.

Wow,
that was cool.

It really does happen.

- Okay, Armstrong.
- Here.

- Armiho.
- Present.

- Bacah.
- Yo.

- Butkis.
- Here.

Dammit, what's wrong
with you two?

We've been in school
over seven months now,

and every single day
when l call Daniel Butkis's name,

you guys have to laugh.

Is it really still that funny?

Doesn't it ever get old?

Are you gonna laugh
for the rest of your lives

every time someone
says the name Butkis?

That does it!
Principal's office, now!

Therefore, we can say that any
two amoeba are identical twins,

since they all have
the same genetic makeup.

There all the same sex
and can reproduce by themselves.

So, all sperm cells contain
either an X-chromosome

or a Y-chromosome,
and...

She said sperm.

Depending on which sperm cell
fertilises the egg...

I said, depending on which
sperm cell fertilises the egg,

the zygotes will be
either male or female.

Shut up!

McVicker's office, now!

Yes!
The "Butthole Surfers".

Yeah!
The "Butthole Surfers" rule.

- Look it's Flea!, it's Flea!
- Yeah! Yeah!

- Flea, Flea.
- Yeah!

Flea is cool!

Animation is cool.

"Butthole Surfers"
kick-ass.

Oh, you guys
think this is funny?

You've been to
four classes today.

and you've been
sent here four times.

And this laughing thing.

What the hell is
with this laughing thing?

All the teachers
are sick of it.

Mr Sherman,
your history teacher,

says he's completely given up
on trying to teach your class

about the Gay 90's

See? See?

Now, that's exactly
what I'm talking about.

You are both suspended
for a week.

What's that mean?

It means, I...
I don't wanna see you

anywhere near this school
for a whole week.

Cool.

Shut up!

Forget it.
No, no, you're not suspended.

No, I've got
a better idea.

Yeah, I'm gonna get
you guys this time.

- These guys are cool.
- Yeah.

These guys are cool is they, like,
jump around real slow.

Yeah.

That would be cool if you can
go to this forest.

And hang out
with these guys.

Yeah, we could, like, dance in
the forest and be cool.

Yeah.

Wow! Is this, like,
the weather channel?

Yeah, the forecast is partially cool.

- Gardeña.
- Yeah.

- Gardeña.
- Gardeña, Gardeña, Gardeña.

- These guys are good dancers.
- Yeah.

- I wish I was more like them
- Yeah, me too.

I think birth control is
a very important

issue in a women's life.

I've looked in all the options

and I'm using the today's bunch.

That was cool.

I don't want gimmicks.

I want a long distance
phone company I can count on

Hey Butt-Head, Mr. McVicker says
if we laughing more in class

- we're gonna get expelled
- Yeah.

That would be cool.

Look at this.

What a bunch of crap.

- Is this a Clearasil commercial?
- Yeah.

This is stupid.

Yeah,
and it sucks too.

What's this?

- This sucks.
- Yeah.

This is stupid.

Is this Dire Straits again?

- These cheerleaders are fat.
- Yeah.

This is stupid.
Change it.

No, wait a minute.
Check it out.

Come on Butt-Head,
change it, this sucks.

- No way.
- Change it Butt-Head,

change it, this sucks.

Wow! Is this
Michael Jackson?

Yeah that's where
he sleeps.

No, he hold Oprah he doesn't
really sleep in a hyperbolic chamber.

And he has a skin decease.

You watch Oprah?

What a wuss.

Shut up, bunghole!

I just watched that once, because I
thought they chew his head on fire.

Yeah, right, Beavis.

What a wuss.

I'm not just a
hair-club member.

- I'm the president.
- Yeah.

You said "member".

Let's try to find a video
that doesn't suck.

So, Beavis and Butt-Head,

I understand Mr McVicker

has made a little arrangement
with you guys.

Yeah, a little probation.

You see, class,
Beavis and Butt-Head here

are not allowed to laugh
for a whole week.

That's right.
And if they do laugh, they'll be expelled

and they'll have to
go to Hope High School,

where they'll get their
asses kicked on a daily basis

by all the other delinquents.

Well, l was real
glad to hear that,

because this is
sex education week.

That's right,
sex ed week.

We're gonna be talking
about the penis!

We'll be talking
about the vag*na!

Do you think that's
funny, Butt-Head?

Do you find it amusing
that we'll be talking about the testicles?

Yes, were also gonna be
talking about venereal disease!

Sexual intercourse!

The scrotum!

The clitoris!

And we will definitely be spending
a lot of time

talking about masturbation!

Well, now that that's out of the way,
let's take roll.

- Butkis!
- Here.

Gaylord!
Himen!

Then he said penis.

Yeah.
Then he said masturbation.

Then he said vag*na.
That was cool.

Is this that show about
that deaf lawyer?

Yeah.

Hey Beavis,

- I'd like to make a motion
- Yeah, me too.

- Yes.
- Wow, cop rock reruns.

Yeah, cop rock reruns.

This is cool.

This is the one where
they sing in court.

No way, this the song where
say sing in that locker room.

That's the same
show, dumbass.

- The only show
- Yeah but it was cool.

- No fats and court.
- Yeah.

- The prostitution rests
- Yeah change it, change it quick.

Wow, that fish has a face
on his butt.

Yeah, that's cool.

I wish I had a face
on my butt.

Yeah, yeah.

You could blow your nose
and your underwear.

Yeah, you would need a hanky.

We should start a band and
call it "Butt-Head Butt-Head"

Yeah

"Beavis Beavis"

Wow, that guy is one
of those transformers.

Yeah.

Cool.

Bubbles.

This court is now in session.

I know you've been sworn, sir,
and l have read your complaint.

It's my turn to be
the judge, asswipe.

Oh, yeah.

Okay.

This court is now in session.

How do you, please,
to these charges of...

Trespassing.

Oh, yeah.

Trespassing.

And buzzing around
and getting in my face and stuff.

How do you, please,
to these charges against you?

The defence rests.

Shut up!

Okay.

l hereby sentence the defendant
to death by...

Death by...

Saw off he's tweeter.

-Breaking the law, breaking the law
-Breaking the law, breaking the law

-Breaking the law, breaking the law.
-Breaking the law, breaking the law.

Cool.

Yeah, this is what
death rock is all about.

Yeah.

Drums guitars and death.

- They finally got it right.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Now all it needs is some fire.

Fire!, Fire!, Fire!, Fire!, Fire!
Shut up Beavis,

- I'm trying to listen.
- Oh.

Pizza, pizza

Wow.

- That guy is pissed.
- Yeah.

- These guys are cool.
- Yeah.
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