09x20 & 09x21 - Refuse Service / Downward Dumbass

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ MTV ♪

[both chuckling]

[rock music]

♪ ♪

- [snoring]

- [mumbling]

[hammer pounding]
- Ugh, damn it.

How the hell are we supposed
to sleep with all this noise?

- Eh.

What's it say, Butt-Head?

- Uh,

"We re-serve
the rig-hut to re-fussy..."

- It says,
"We reserve the right

to refuse service to anyone."

- Uh...

- It means employees
can refuse service

to a customer
who violates our policies.

- Uh...
- Huh?

- Like, if a customer creates

an unsafe
or a hostile work environment.

- Whoa, that would be cool.

[both chuckle]
- Yeah, unsafe kicks ass.

[chuckles]
- Uh, wait a second.

So we can, like, refuse service
to anyone we want?

- No, only if they
violate our policies

or create an unsafe
or hostile work environment,

- Cool.
[chuckles]

Maybe work
wouldn't suck so much

if it was unsafe and hostile.

[chuckles]
- Yeah, motivation is cool.

[chuckles]

- ♪ Well, good for you,
you look happy and healthy ♪

♪ Not me,
if you ever cared to ask ♪

♪ Good for you ♪

- These cheerleaders don't
seem all that great, you know?

- Yeah, really.

The cheerleaders at our school are better than this,

and half of 'em are pregnant.

[both chuckle]

- Yeah, that's cool. [chuckles]

- The coach is like,
"Olivia Rodrigo,

"I've been noticing you've been
half-assing it at practice.

"You're supposed to be

"cheering for the Fighting Dolphins,

not yelling about your boyfriend."

[chuckles]

- "When you wear this uniform, you rep the school.

"Now, if you wanna go burn down

"Your boyfriend's house,

you do it in your street clothes."

[chuckles]

"This is not gonna help us
b*at the Wildcats."

[chuckles]

- ♪ Like a damn sociopath,
I've lost my mind ♪

- Uh, what is that word,
"sociopath"?

[chuckles]
- Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I wonder what it means.
[chuckles]

- That school psychiatrist
said I was one of those.

- Oh, yeah, yeah.

- But it didn't matter, 'cause I don't care about her at all.

[both chuckle]

Or anyone else, really. [chuckles]

I don't care about others.
[chuckles]

- ♪ Good for you ♪

- You know, I would love

to have a girl
be this mad at me

because that means that I scored with her before,

you know?

- Yeah, no girl will ever be

this pissed off about you, Beavis.

- Yeah, yeah.

No one's ever gonna
burn down my house.

[chuckles]

I guess I'll just have to do it myself.

[chuckles] - You'll die alone.

[both chuckle] - Shut up, Butt-Head.

[chuckles]

- Hi,
I want a bacon cheeseburger

with lettuce and tomato,
but extra tomato,

and a vanilla shake,

and a large half-fries,
half-onion rings.

- Uh, I refuse.
[chuckles]

- What?
Why?

- You're, like,
creating a work environment.

[chuckles]
- But you work here.

Isn't this your job?

- You just did it again,
dumbass.

I'm sorry, sir.

I'm gonna have
to ask you to leave.

[chuckles]

- Yeah, we'll have
three regular hamburgers.

- Uh-huh. - No ketchup on one of them.

- [chuckles]
Ketchup sucks.

- And we'll take two orders of fries.

- Would you like to try
our new Macho Hot Fries

for $ more?

- Sounds good.

- [chuckles]

- You got all that?

- No.

- What do you mean, "No"?

- I refuse. [chuckles]

I'm not gonna make it,

'cause you're, like, violating our policies.

- How exactly am I
violating your policies?

- Um, what's the policy again?

[chuckles]

- Would you just give us
our food?

- I think it's, like, you're being a butthole or something.

[chuckles]

And, like, you suck.
[chuckles]

Thank you. Drive through.

[chuckles]

We won't be
needing this anymore.

- Can we have
two junior burger meals

with the apple slices?

And I'll have a salad.

- Uh, no, you cannot.
- We know our rights, ma'am.

[chuckles]
- We sure do.

They're on that sign
full of words.

[chuckles]

- Um, Butt-Head,

that's the sign that shows you
how to choke somebody.

[chuckles]

- Okay, I wanna see
the manager right now.

- I refuse.
[both chuckling]

- Ugh.

- Yeah, and don't come back!
[door slams]

Thank you
for choosing Burger World.

[chuckles]

- Hey, guys, we're here, and
today, we've got some new items

to the studio, and I'm super,
super excited about it.

I'm not quite sure
what's in here.

- Oh, this is that video where
he unboxes real human skulls.

[chuckles]
- Yeah, that's messed up.

[chuckles]

- If you're unboxing real human skulls,

you shouldn't start out with,

"Hey, guys,
I'm super, super excited."

[chuckles]

- Yeah, really.

Your start out like--

[cackles]

Like that Crypt Keeper dude, you know?

Like, how he's always making puns, you know?

[chuckles]

"Welcome, boils and ghouls." [chuckles]

- "If you are watching, you just might get a head."

[chuckles]

- "Oh, what have we here?

This is to remind you to stay in skull."

[both chuckle]

Wait a minute. [chuckles]

Wait,
where do they get these skulls?

- Uh, from dead people.

[chuckles]

- Wait a minute, so he--so he's, like,

a serial k*ller or something?

- Yeah. [chuckles]

"Breaking news:
Police have just arrested a man

known as
the dumbass-who-shows-off-

his-skulls-on-YouTube k*ller."

[both chuckle]

"Neighbors said he seems
like a serial k*ller,

and he's got a bunch of skulls
in his apartment."

[chuckles]

- "Neighbors said he would show off his skulls

"and say, 'Meet my new tomb-mate.'"

[cackles]

[both chuckle]

- Yeah. [chuckles]

"Would you like to come into my apartment

and take a whiz
in the bath-tomb?"

[chuckles]

- [chuckles]

He's like... [cackles]

"These skulls give me a bone-r."

[chuckles]

You know, yeah, 'cause the bone
is, like, you know--

skull is, like, a bone,
you know.

[chuckles]
- Uh, yes, I get it, Beavis.

[chuckles] Don't run it into the ground.

[chuckles]

- But I'm getting
grave reviews.

[chuckles]

- I'm going to kick your ass.

Now shut up.
[chuckles]

- You know, yeah, wait a second.

I don't think I get that one.

- This was an old,
old preparation...

- That guy, who the skull
belong to, is like,

"You know, I lived a good life.

"I raised a family, and now this dumbass is playing

with my skull on YouTube."

[chuckles]

- Man, this is really
messed up, Butt-Head.

Think maybe
we should call the police?

- Uh, nah.

[chuckles] It's not my problem.

[chuckles] - Oh, yeah.

[chuckles]

Yeah, it's not my skull. [chuckles]

- I hope you guys enjoy it. Ciao.

- "Ciao.

I'm gonna go chow down
on some human flesh."

[both chuckle]

[cars honking]

- Uh, can I get a double
cheeseburger, large fries,

and a root beer?

- Yes, you can,

but not here.

I refuse.
[chuckles]

- Butt-Head, Butt-Head.
[chuckles]

There's a hot chick in line.
Check her out.

[chuckles]
Should I refuse her?

- Whoa, she's creating
a hostile environment

in my pants.

[both chuckle]

- Hey, yeah, really.

It's getting unsafe in there.
[chuckles]

- Let me handle this, Beavis.
[chuckles]

- Um, I guess
I could let you handle it.

But I was kind of hoping
the hot chick would--

[screaming]

I thought you meant--

[crash]
Ahh!

- Stop it.
Don't you ever--

[impacts]
- Ah-ah-oh!

- Get out there.
[chuckles]

- What's this about you guys
refusing to serve people?

- Nothing could be further
from the truth, ma'am.

I'll have Beavis
bring you everything

from our entire menu.

- I am servicing
the right to reserve you.

- Uh, and allow me to provide
you a little entertainment.

[chuckles]

Check this out.
[chuckles]

Uh, you, and, uh,
you over there,

we reserve the right
to refuse you service,

unless you fight.

[chuckles]
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Fight.
[chuckles]

Winner gets to eat, yeah.
[chuckles]

- And the loser
shall be refused.

That is our right,
and we reserve it.

- This is bullshit.

I'm not gonna hurt this guy
for a lousy cheeseburger.

- Yeah, except, you know,
you wouldn't hurt me.

all: Ooh!

- He just said
he can kick your ass.

- You'll be on the floor
in about five seconds.

- Yeah, fight, fight!
- You wanna go?

You wanna go?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

- Kick his ass.

- Worldstar.

- Hey!

[both chuckling]

- Well, we did it, Beavis.

This place is an unsafe
and hostile work environment.

- Yeah, manager's gonna be
really proud of us, you know?

- It's a good thing
he put up that sign.

[indistinct yelling]

- I guess it's not up anymore.

Oh, there it is.

[chuckles]

Butt-Head, the sign broke.

- Eh, damn it.

Now we have
to serve people again.

[chuckles]

- Yeah, this job sucks.

[police siren wailing]

[rock music]

♪ ♪

[both chuckling]

- That statue kicks ass.

- Yeah, yeah.
[both chuckle]

What kind of pants are those?

- They're yoga pants, dumbass.

Everybody knows that.
[chuckles]

- Well, that statue sure looks
good in those yoga pants.

[chuckles]
- It sure does.

[chuckles]
- [chuckles]

Yoga pants.
[chuckles]

Mm.

Um, Butt-Head?

I wonder if I would look sexy
in yoga pants.

[chuckles]
Yeah.

- Everyone looks sexy
in yoga pants.

- Yeah, except for you, Beavis,

'cause you're disgusting.

- No way, Butt-Head.
[chuckles]

You heard what she said.

I'm gonna listen to a chick
and not you.

[chuckles]

I'm gonna go get
some yoga pants,

and then I shall score.

[chuckles]

- [slurps]

- You've seen it before,
but not on this scale.

[laughs]

I thought we all needed
cheering up, myself included.

So I know how you love
a little bit of rock cooking.

I thought I'd go OTT with it.

- You know--you know,
Butt-Head, um,

sometimes I worry that
I'll never score, you know?

But, um--

but this guy will never score.

- Yeah, I don't see how he could.

[chuckles]

- Is this the outback or something?

- He's in the outback

'cause his wife kicked him out,

and now he's living out back behind his mom's house.

[chuckles]

- "Mom, can I play breakfast
in the backyard again?"

[both chuckle]

- This guy's survival skill, is it, like, if he runs out

of food, he just goes to his mom's house

and gets a bunch of stuff out of the fridge?

[both chuckle]

- And then he just goes
into the backyard

and cooks it all, yeah.

[chuckles]

On one of those tiles from the roof, yeah.

[chuckles]

- Why didn't he just, like,
get some Froot Loops

or something?

[both chuckle]

This breakfast
is a cry for help.

[both chuckle]

He made a face out of eggs and sausage

'cause he's lonely.

[both chuckle]

- "Let's make some pancake boobs here."

[both chuckle]

- He's like,
"I'm cooking for two

"in case Jennifer comes back.
Has anyone seen her?

No? Well, that means more for me."

[chuckles]

- This is turning out to be a great day

without Jennifer,
and many more to come, yeah.

[chuckles]

" Yeah, my ex-wife likes oranges,

so I guess I'll make her some orange juice.

[chuckles]

- And I'll make it here in her sawed-off leg bone.

[both chuckle]

- That was lovely.

- [chuckles]

Yup, all good things must come to an end,

like this filthy breakfast
and my marriage of months.

[both chuckle]

- Come on, Butt-Head. This is getting too sad.

[chuckles]

- Yeah. [chuckles]

"And now I filled this backpack with rocks,

and I'm just gonna go walk into the ocean."

[both chuckle]
- Yeah.

- "In the next episode, you'll
be seeing an outback funeral."

[both chuckle]

"Let me know if she's there." [chuckles]

"She'll probably cry, and then she'll regret

running off with her college roommate."

- Yeah.
[both chuckle]

She'll be like, "You know,
if I hadn't left him,

"he'd still be alive and
cooking me a filthy breakfast

on a rock."

[both chuckle]

- "And don't forget, if you like this video,

can you please go find my wife?"

[both chuckle]

- Just smash that find-my-wife button.

[both chuckle]

Go get me some yoga pants.

Ooh, yeah.
[chuckles]

- Uh, here you go, Beavis.
[chuckles]

- Um, those look kind of small,
Butt-Head.

- Of course they look small,
dumbass.

That's because they, like,
stretch and stuff so that

they can, like, rearrange
your butt or something.

- Oh, yeah, yeah.
That makes sense, yeah.

[chuckles]
This is gonna be cool.

[chuckles]

- [slurps]
- Okay.

I'll take these off.

Here we go.
[chuckles]

Ah.

Hey, how's it going?
[chuckles]

Hey, Butt-Head,
I'm, like, naked in a place

that, like,
chicks have been naked in.

- Cool.
[chuckles]

- Boing, oing, oing.
- [chuckles]

- Okay, okay.
[chuckles]

- [slurps]
- Put these bad boys on.

[chuckles]

[grunting]

- [slurps]

- [grunting]

About halfway there.

[grunting]

Son of a bitch!

[elastic snaps]

[sighs]
Okay.

[chuckles]
Here we go.

How do I look?
[chuckles]

- Uh, Beavis?

- Pretty sexy.

[chuckles]
- Uh, Beavis?

[chuckles]
- Yeah, I'd tap that.

Yeah--ooh.
[chuckles]

- Uh, Beavis, it looks like
you don't have any nads.

- What?
What're you talking about?

- Or a schlong.
[chuckles]

- No way, Butt-Head.
My schlong is right--

[screams]

No, what happened to my nads?
- [chuckles]

- I know they're in there
'cause these pants

are really making 'em hurt.

- Uh, you better take 'em off

before any chicks see you,
Beavis.

That's embarrassing.
- [grunting]

They won't come off,
Butt-Head.

[grunts]

My wiener's going numb.
[screaming]

- Just get ahold of yourself,
Beavis.

Hold of yourself.
[chuckles]

- I can't get 'em off.
Ahh!

- [grunting] You gotta help me, Butt-Head.

These pants are cutting off
oxygen to my schlong.

- Hmm, we need to find a place
that sells schlong oxygen.

- No, we gotta find something
to get 'em off

before my wiener dies.

Damn it.
[grumbles]

- We just need to,
like, oil 'em up,

and then they'll
just slide right off.

Now just wait over there.

I'll be right back.
[chuckles]

- Care to try our new
olive oils from Tuscany?

- Okay, Beavis,
I got you some oil,

and it has Tuscany in it.

- What's that?

- I don't know,
but it'll grease you up good.

Open up your pants.
[chuckles]

- It's not working, Butt-Head.

- That's 'cause you need
some muscle, dumbass.

Hold on to that thing,
and let a real man do this.

- Uh, Butt-Head, Butt-Head.

Butt-Head,
I'm starting to slip.

- Hold on, dumbass.

- I can't.
- Almost got it.

- No, Butt-Head.

No, no, no--oh, no!

Ahh!

[screaming]

- [chuckles]
That was cool.

[chuckles]

- [grunts]

I can't get up, Butt-Head.

Ow, ah.
[grunting]

It just keeps going down.

- Uh, don't worry, Beavis.
I'm gonna go get help.

- Ow.
[grunting]

- Going down.
[chuckles]

- Oh, yeah.
[grunting]

Eh, but really, Butt-Head,
come on.

Ah, ow, ah.

- Uh, excuse me.

We need help and stuff.

- What's the problem?

- Uh, my friend has no nads.

[grunts]
Ah, ow, ah, ow, ah!

- Uh, he says he doesn't know
how to help you, Beavis.

- Damn it.

[grunting]

- Well, I'll see you at home.

- [screams]
- Let me know how it turns out.

[chuckles]
- Okay, see you later.

Damn it.

Ah, ow.
Ah, ow.

[grunting]

Ah!

Damn it.

[snoring]

- Good morning.
- Good morning.

[chuckles]

[snoring]

[coughs]

[snoring]

- Chirp.