02x03 - Great Reputations

[bunniefuu]

Good
evening, followers.

For those who might have
been living under a rock,

maybe you haven't heard.

There's a new
Queen of Constance.

Over a million
views and counting

on your last four TikToks.

Tega reacted and Lil
Huddy parodied you.

"Besting" is spreading faster
than chlamydia through Tisch.

Still no response from Julien?

But at least there's nothing

about your mom's
grade-buying scandal either.

You've bested even that.

If Julien isn't coming for
me, then my reign will be

as boring as hers was.

Which is why you need a
worthy romantic interest

with which to share your throne

and cause immaculate
pain to on a daily basis.

Candidate number one is
ready to meet if you are.

- Um. Hi, I'm Skylar.
- Uh-uh.

You're B.G. until I upgrade you.

Skylar Goodwin,
13,000 followers.

She's a senior at
Spence, lacrosse captain,

student body vice president...

No, too on the nose. Swipe left.

Can you believe it?
Our first public date.

Not a hotel f*ck or a
vestibule duck in days.

Those weren't all bad.

Hey, Stacey. My
usual table, please.

Sorry, Max. We're booked up.

- Excuse me?
- Maybe next time, try Resy?

Did you just Resy me?

It doesn't matter.
We'll go somewhere else.

Yeah. Let's go.

Which brings me
to a question for all of you.

Who are you now that things
have been turned inside out?

Let's make a carbonara like
the Roman gods intended.

Ingredients...

The classic carbonara
has no cream.

It's egg, cheese,
and a type of bacon

called guanciale.

Okay. I may have
undercooked it a little bit,

so, uh, I hope you
like doughy over dente.

The pasta's not the only
thing that's doughy.

You've cooked every
night this week.

The effort hasn't
gone unnoticed.

Honestly, I'm
just glad I actually get

cooking videos again

after my For You page was
contaminated with deHaanTok.

Mm.

Everything okay?

Yeah. Sorry.
Just... work stuff.

I have a huge court
case in the morning.

Hmm.

Monet's "Who Wore It?"
TikToks are now officially

a trend called "besting."

- She does look good.
- Are you really going to keep

playing pacifist
while Rome burns?

I'm taking the high road.

There's no such thing
as a one-sided w*r.

Tell that to the Romans.

But
don't worry, Julien.

Imitation is the
sincerest form of battery.

Only two more days together.

I'll fly up
from the campaign trail

as soon as I can.

All I have to do is stand
and smile by my mom, anyways.

Maybe I could sneak a
hologram of myself in.

Obie! And Grace. It's
so nice to see you.

Yeah.

We're at our usual
spot if you wanna join.

- Feels like forever...
- Actually, we're just gonna go

hang by the bar.

And after
all, a new world order

only means one
thing, new problems.

That was weird, right?

Mm. Understandably. I
mean, we did get her wasted

and put her meltdown on
every platform we could find.

Which is exactly what you need
to be doing to Monet, by the way.

Devalue that currency, girl.

Everyone is looking
to you to respond.

Dakota even talked
about it on Drew.

I don't care about some
fake w*r with a fake rival.

What I care about are my friends
and mending those relationships,

including Obie. And Grace.

It would be easier to
stop the polar ice caps

from melting. You
wanna do that next?

You didn't have to
make it awkward.

Look, just because she
apologized for what she did

does not mean that I'm
ready to forgive her.

So, can we talk about your mom?
'Cause I really wanna make sure

- that she likes me.
- She's going to love you.

I wanna make a good impression.

And you'll have the
perfect opportunity to.

I was able to wrangle
an hour of her schedule

for us to have tea with her

before she's surrounded
by donors and diplomats

at the big Amnesty International
fundraiser at the Guggenheim.

Wherever
you may have landed

after the shakeup, I
hope it's on two feet.

Because sources tell me

this ground won't
stay stable for long.

Till then, good
night. And good luck.

Dad?

- Kiwi?
- How did you get in?

I still have a key.

And look, I made your
favorite. Banana pancakes.

You didn't have any bananas,
or syrup, so I improvised.

What are you doing in the city?

Big textile convention
at the Javits Center.

I was able to land a
meeting with a distributor

who has a line on some
second-run Turkish fabric,

which I can turn over
for a sweet markup.

Wow. That's great, Dad.

I'm sure you're busy educating
future presidents all day

and becoming the next
Harper Lee at night,

but any chance
you can squeeze in

some Kiwi catchup
time this afternoon?

Of course! Do you wanna come
by the school around 3:00?

You can meet my friends,
see where I work.

That sounds like a date.

Mm!

So good!

Four-point-four-eight!
Four-point-four-eight!

Is that a bad thing?

- I was a 4.22 last week.
- Oh, so it's a good thing.

No! Of course not.
A low rating means

that they're jealous of
what they picked you up from

or witnessed.

Ticking up is bad.
It's very, very bad.

No table at Odeon?
No comps at Dame?

- Waiting in line at Ostbahnhof?
- You waited in line?

See? Thank you. She
gets it. Diagnosis?

Your cachet's based
on everyone's desire

to f*ck you.

Now that you've gone from
Élite to Baby-Sitters Club,

you might as well
have moved to Austin.

So you're saying now
that the world knows

he's in a relationship,
he's boring?

Exactly.

Maybe you need your very
own Manhattan Maxploration.

That helped me when my
image needed updating.

No. No. You can't
explore a barren ground.

This is absurd. But nothing I
can't fix by end of the day.

- How?
- How?

By helping you do
what you do best.

Throwing a party. A
debaucherous, drug-fueled,

who's-who and who's-under-who,

proving, in sheep's clothing or
out, you are still the Wolfe.

You don't even have to partake.
You just have to present.

From participant to
promoter is a level up.

I get to meet your dad?

The man behind
your origin story?

The one who begat the woman
who begat a revolution?

Mm. These days,
he mostly begets

refurbished furniture,
but you'll love him.

Everyone does. Apparently,
that gene skips a generation.

Shubin's been stonewalling me
ever since I sent in the tip

that got Burton fired.

Speaking of, hot goss
on the new head teacher.

- She's like our age.
- Which "our"? Yours or mine?

Don't know. Totally crazy.

Oh, my God.
I know. That's...

- Greetings! Headmistress Duva...
- Teacher.

Uh. Teacher Du... Uh.
Head Teacher Duvall.

Jordan Glassberg,
computer science.

I loo... I look forward
to working with you.

Hi, Jordan. And
you must be Kate.

How'd you guess?

Oh, Mike and I have been
friends since grad school.

He's been, uh, filling me in
on where the bodies are buried.

- Oh.
- That's so good.

So, when does Tiff get in?

This morning. She's taking
the train down from Exeter,

so I guess, like, 10:00?

She's literally the
coolest friend I have.

I can't wait for
you to meet her.

Great! You're here.

Yeah, and I'm in the
middle of a conversation

- with my girlfriend.
- That's who I was talking to.

Hot chai with vanilla
sweet cream foam?

My favorite order.
How'd you know?

You mentioned it was your
go-to afternoon pick-me-up

over New Year's Eve,
and I'm a good listener.

Yeah, because you and Monet
were trying to sabotage her.

I was just...

Let's just finish
this up inside.

Less... ...noisy.

Maybe "crash and burn"
is a good place to stop.

I'm getting contact
basic, anyway.

If she's here to
stay, as it appears she is,

I need her to like me,

or our entire friend
group falls apart!

Look what Monet has done.
Everything's fallen apart.

I'm a Met step
five. What are you?

Seven. We can't
be seen together.

Let me get in good with Grace,
and then I'll tackle Monet.

That's right. Twelve dozen
of the Kumamoto oysters,

and then six cases of the
Larson Blanc de Blancs.

This is clearly
reserved seating.

And this is
your first warning.

Three of these,
and you have to use

the teacher's
entrance for a month.

You said you had updates for me?

Yes. We found you the
perfect candidate.

Tiff Meyers. An
ambassador's daughter,

a regular on Forbes 21 Under 21,

rumored dalliances with
both Jojo and Auli'i.

She wrote a viral essay
at 14 on renewable energy

that was presented by Kamala
herself on the Senate floor.

She's the power
lesbian of solar power.

There's
just one problem.

Her best friend is
someone you know.

How is that a problem?

- You have a good day at school.
- See you later.

- Hi, Grace!
- Gracie!

Oh, I just wanted to ask if
you wanted to hang out today

after school. Mine, not
yours. Do you even...

Home school.

- How lucky!
- That tracks.

I just wanted to know
if you wanted to go

shopping with me
at the same time.

It's just, you know,
we haven't spoken

since the whole
misunderstanding in Hudson.

And I have so regretted my
part in Julien's manipulations.

That was your
idea, Monet. And...

- But which I agreed to, so...
- Right.

These are both
such lovely offers.

Perhaps we can combine them?

Oh. Oh, well, the personal
shopping experience

that I booked for
us at Reformation,

um, only allows two at a time.

- That's too bad.
- Mm.

Okay. I can see if,
um, they can expand.

But please watch my
back for any fountains.

I didn't push you...

We'll see you at 3:00.

- Great.
- Great.

- Okay.
- Can't wait.

Perfect.

Good luck, bitch.
She only has room

for one bestie, and
it's going to be me.

I'll make sure of it. Girls!

You want in the door tomorrow,

you walk through those
doors... in this.

Looks
like this armistice

is armed and dangerous.

What was once peace

is about to be blown to pieces.

How's Operation Feed and
Forgive working out for you?

Mm, I think I'm one
more TikTok recipe away

from being ungrounded.

So, what do you say to
a celebratory sleepover

at my house? You, me,
a two-person in-PJs

reading of an Alice Childress,

directed by and
starring me, of course,

but with occasional
supporting performances

from you?

Maybe we should
stick to my house?

Okay, I know my dad was
kind of an assh*le, but...

I mean, your dad probably
isn't even around that much

right now, what with
his big promotion.

Why'd you say it like that?

Okay.

Don't freak, but my dad checked

with his lawyer friend
at your dad's firm,

she says they haven't
promoted anyone all year.

They're in a hiring freeze.

Wait, did you ask
him to do that?

Shan, my dad's not a liar.

He was on the phone
all of last night

preparing for a case he's
in court for right now.

Forget it, Z. I wasn't trying
to start something. I just...

Yes, you were. And
I'll finish it.

Outten and Golden.

Hi, Bradley. This is Zoya Lott.

Um, I was wondering if you knew

when my dad was coming
out of court today.

No
court dates today.

Your dad took the morning off.
Let me transfer you to his cell.

Nicholas!

- Thanks for coming in.
- Hey.

- Mr. De Haan.
- Huh. Call me Greyson.

Yeah. Shall we?

We shall. We shall.

Yeah, no, it was totally crazy. "Get out
of our way!" -

You don't think he'd actually...

Tell her you sent the tip in
that got her predecessor fired?

You know him better than we do.

How well do you know
him, by the way?

The only one with job
security here is you,

and the only thing you care
about is a one-sided rivalry

with Magic Mike?

Duvall told me this morning
to "use less words,"

and if I was "always
this much energy."

But what do we do?

Convince Mike sending in
the tip was impulsive,

that you're deeply passionate
about your beliefs,

and sometimes you
get carried away.

He'd never believe me!
He'd see right through it!

You could talk to him maybe?

Hearing it from
someone else could...

- Hey!
- Dad! You're early!

Uh, Jordan, Wendy.

It's a pleasure to
meet you, Mr. Keller.

- Pleasure is mine.
- Do I seem like a lot to you?

Should
we grab a bite?

There's a really
great halal cart...

Oh! Got us a reservation
at Rosa Mexicano.

Only the best for my Kiwi.

Uh, let me grab my purse.
Might be expensive.

Uh, you guys will talk to
that student for me, right?

You can count on us, Kiwi.

Hmm.

Jordan... you should
use less words.

"You
can..." Six words.

Are
you sure about the Bottega?

I think your father
would prefer the Etro.

Nope! No, no, no. Hey,
look, Pops is gonna love

whatever you wear, I
promise. You look great!

I don't know what
makes me more nervous.

My first night away
with your father

since the separation, or
whatever's happening here.

Um, all you have to
worry about is being late.

- All right.
- Okay?

Uh, have fun,
boys. And don't...

touch the Haring.

- He's been through enough.
- Okay.

I'm nervous, Ak.

What if Grace's mom
doesn't like me?

I'd be more nervous
you won't like her.

Charlotte Byron makes the
Tea Party look like...

well, uh, a tea party. Didn't
she campaign for Tr*mp?

What, like your dad
and my parents would have

if they were from here?

Look, Grace is not like that,
all right? She's like one of us.

I know you are nervous about
making a good impression.

You
like Grace, and I get it.

- Yeah.
- Don't stress.

You know if I could be there
for support, I would, all right?

I get it. Your boyfriend's
party takes precedence.

I think he needs you
a lot more than I do.

I don't care if your
cousin's getting married.

You're the only bartender
in the tri-state area

who can make a
half-decent Vesper.

So get your sh*t together
and be here by 6:00.

Your ratios are all off. If
I wanted CBD, I'd go to CVS.

We normally have
more, but Lucas Hedges

just bought the bulk of it.

He's hosting a rager
in Brooklyn Heights.

We have pre-rolled joints
we can give you on discount.

Okay.
Well, I can guarantee you

that, uh, there's never been
a rager in Brooklyn Heights,

and that pale-faced ginge

wouldn't know the difference
between dank and ditch, okay?

So you can give him your
mids and me your fire,

or I'll put your
number on Telegram

and you'll be doing frat
runs the rest of your life.

Okay. Ladies, hi.
So, I think there might be

a little bit of confusion
on where you are right now.

See, Mr. Wolfe has been one of
your most consistent customers.

So I think whatever
inventory you're thinking of

handing over to Hedges,
you can redirect.

We'll pay double?

- Sold.
- Sold.

Only one of us is walking out
of here Grace's friend. Okay?

How does it look?

- Almost ready!
- We can both be.

Why does everything
have to be a battle?

I really like the emerald green.

Do you really think that
they want puppies and hugs?

No, that's for Hillary Duff.
Do you want to be dueting

with your younger self
ten years from now,

showcasing just how little
happened in between?

Or do you wanna keep
grabbing those brass rings

until you have full
f*cking grills?

I want neither of those things.

Okay. So, when
I'm done with you,

that wish will be my command.

Why do you even wanna
be her friend anyway?

She's not big on social media,
and her mom redistricted Virginia.

Why do you? She's
dating your ex.

And she's basic as f*ck.

Oh!

I know what you're feeling. It's
a little out of your wheelhouse.

But I think you've
never looked better.

But is it me?

Yeah, Julien has a tendency
to only think about herself.

What about... Hmm!

- This is more you. Am I right?
- That is so cute.

It is. So try it on.

And then we'll head
over to everyone's fave,

Scotch and Soda!

You didn't answer my call.

Excuse me? I was...

- I was in court.
- Not according to your office.

They said you took
the morning off.

So is honesty really
the best policy?

Let's find out.

I didn't wanna say anything until
I was sure it was happening.

The promotion, it just
isn't enough money.

I've started looking
for a new job.

And I had an interview in the
employment litigation department

at Debevoise and Plimpton.

Dad, why didn't you
just tell me that?

I'm, like, always burdening
you with bad news.

So I wanted to make sure this
was solid before sharing.

It's still not done,

but I'm meeting one of the
partners at a charity event

at the Guggenheim tonight.

Z, it's fine. We just have to
be patient with each other.

Trust takes time to
rebuild, for both of us.

Do you know what my favorite
thing about Kate is?

- Her sense of duty.
- God.

Obviously, she can be intense,
but her intentions are good.

Everything she does, she does
because she deeply cares.

- Jordan...
- She cares so much.

- Which is why she...
- She sent you to talk her up to me.

- No. No, of course not.
- Yeah.

Totally and completely.

Why am I not surprised?

What the f*ck was that?

What do you want
from me? I'm a lot!

I have to save my own job too.

Reservation for Keller.

Right this way. The other member of
your party's already been seated.

- Other member?
- My girlfriend, Theresa.

Can't wait for my two
fave girls to meet.

- Hey.
- Sweetie.

- Here you go.
- Mm!

How'd you know
this is my favorite?

Oh, I just had a feeling.

Only one bagel, though.

Can't be late to
meet my mom and Obie.

It's been so nice
spending the afternoon

getting to know you.

You know, your
mom is super impressive.

Is it true that
at the age of 25,

she became the mayor
of Big Stone Gap?

- You know Big Stone?
- Yeah. It's, um...

There's a movie
called Big Stone Gap

starring Ashley Judd
and Patrick Wilson.

Yeah! It's... It's one
of my fave rom coms.

Mine too! Patrick
Wilson is so dreamy.

The dreamiest!

Um, Obie mentioned
that you used to ride.

When I was younger, my
grandma had this horse...

Obie didn't mention my accident?

Jules! How could you forget
about Grace's accident?

- Um...
- Found it! Found it.

Sorry. Yeah. She...

- Grace fell...
- Mm. She fell.

Her favorite horse, Buttercup,
stepped on her face.

Favorite horse, uh, Buttercup,
stepped on her face.

I lost my front tooth
and could've d*ed.

- Never rode again.
- Mm.

That's horrific.

But I'm so glad
you're finding new hobbies.

You're into soap carving, right?

She won a
competition last year at...

Yeah, I saw that
you won a championship...

at...

Gothenburg! Monet?
She hung up?

- Gothenburg.
- Yeah.

It was in Gothenburg.

I love Sweden! We
should do a girls' trip

to the fjords this summer.

- I'd love that!
- So would I.

And then... ...T and I

are planning a
cruise to Jamaica.

I gotta tell ya, she's put
a spring back into my step.

And you in mine, Den.

Your father is
quite the character.

Indeed he is.

Ah! Don't you even
think about it.

I gotta get to my meeting.
But I want to tell you

how happy it has made me

having lunch with my two girls.

I will see you later.

- Bye, sweetie.
- Bye. Thank you.

Um... Jamaica.

I know you don't know me at all,

but I'm... I'm not
the kind of woman

who has blinders on.

He told me about his past,
how hard it was for you

and your mom.

But he's turned a corner, truly.

He's in therapy.
Did you know that?

I didn't know that.

Oh! This pic of
you and your twin brother

is so cute! Are
you two close, G?

"G"?

Not really. Jake
and I shared a womb

for nine months,
but not much else.

Monet, we've been doing
this for twenty minutes.

I'm already late to
meet my mom and Obie.

But I'm so loving your looks.
Come on, just one more.

- OMG. You know Tiff Meyers?
- She's my best friend.

I'm seeing her tonight.
Why do you ask?

What a coincidence!

I have had the biggest crush
on her from afar for ages.

- She's like the me of Exeter.
- That is a coincidence.

Do you think that you
could introduce us?

Um, sorry, my mee-maw taught me

to never get involved in
other people's relationships.

If it goes badly, you could
lose a friend. I'm sorry.

Are you kidding me?

I just spent the entire day
pretending that you don't have

the taste of a 25-year-old mom
from Tenafly, and for what?

That's what you guys were doing?

- You two are unbelievable.
- No, no, no! I wasn't... It...

The... I had nothing to d...

How lovely to be dragged
down by you again.

I'll bounce back. And faster.

- Synthetics usually do.
- Ooh...

She's waking up.

Well, this party has flatlined.
Time of death, 7:32 p.m.

It's early still.

Yeah, and a lot of
people already came.

Yeah, pre-game, Hope. Pre-game.

They're not coming
back. And what's worse,

my friends from
Berlin are in town,

and they didn't invite
me to the reunion

they're apparently
having without me.

I mean, what, did
our summer at sea

mean nothing to them?

Well, it says
here that they're going

to that charity event
at the Guggenheim

that Grace's mom is in town for.

Yeah, so?

So maybe we're
thinking too small.

I mean, why be a local sensation
when you can be a global one?

I mean, if you're trying
to get your rep back up,

all you need to do is
do what you do best,

cross borders and boundaries.

- Senator.
- Thanks.

I'm a Bowman Brothers straight,
one rock, but I assumed

you'd prefer a Coke
mixed with orange soda?

You know about Spezi?

I have a great staff.

Since anyone in my orbit
is under a microscope,

I have to. I know
a lot about you.

Anything that I should, uh,

I should be afraid of?

I have a strong
aversion to drama.

As you should.

I'm pretty turned
off by it as well.

Doesn't mean you're not
still surrounded by it.

The smallest bit of scandal,
even on the periphery,

can sink my reelection plans.

I'm not saying I don't approve.

Your family's reputation
precedes them.

I'm only asking that perhaps
you keep this in mind

regarding the company you keep.

- Hi!
- Let's put a pin in that for now.

- There you are, darling.
- I'm so sorry I'm late.

We've made good use
of our time together.

Haven't we, Otto?

I'm glad he's accompanying us...

- Yeah.
- To tonight's event.

Mm! Looking good.

I'll be back by 10:00. Just
gonna shake hands and pray.

- Good luck.
- Bye, Z.

Hey, Dad.
You forgot your...

Uh-oh. What now?

My dad. He made me feel crazy,
like... like I was wrong

for assuming something. But
he just lied to me again!

Ooh, should we ambush
him with a polygraph machine?

- I have zip ties in my bag.
- No, I have a better idea.

I'm gonna go to that party thing
tonight, catch him red-handed.

I'd like to see
him lie to me then.

Good luck.

You can't just
play the hand you've been dealt.

When your
back's against the wall,

there's only ever one way out.

You have to mount an offensive.

Hey, are you, um,
are you busy tonight?

I need your help.

Bye, bye,
Byron! Bye, bye, Byron!

Bye, bye, Byron!
Bye, bye, Byron!

Is it always like this?

Occupational hazard,

given our mom's
unpopular stances

on refugees' rights
among the liberals.

- Hope my sister warned you.
- Not to worry, Jake.

His family deals with
this all the time.

Except he's usually on the
other side of the barricades.

Hey, Senator Byron. f*ck you!

Bye, bye,
Byron! Bye, bye, Byron!

Bye, bye, Byron!
Bye, bye, Byron!

Nice to
see a friendly face.

Thank you again

- for doing this.
- Yeah, it's...

- quite a scene out there.
- Yeah.

How can I help you
avoid one in here?

Well, I promised Grace's mother

that there would be no
drama. And of course...

- So good to see you!
- Divide and conquer?

All right. Look, oh, and,
um... One more thing.

I... I didn't tell Grace
that I invited you,

just because I thought that
she might think it's weird.

Um... Don't worry, I...

I'm Keisha McGuire's guest,
so her and I go way back.

- Thank you.
- Mm.

Uh, why are
you here, De Haan?

And what will it take
for you to leave?

An introduction to your
girlfriend's friend, Tiffany Meyers,

the future Lorraine
to my Habsburg.

After what you pulled,
why would I do that?

Because I will pull much worse,

right here, right
now, if you don't.

In front of everyone, including...
Who was it? Your future mother-in-law.

- Look...
- What?

- Just an introduction?
- That's it, king.

- Mm-hmm?
- Okay.

We're clashing tones.

We can't meet like this!
I'll be back in 15.

- Oh, my God.
- What do you...

Well, how
exactly is this gonna work?

Just see and be seen
with your sea people,

and everyone will be talking
about you by morning.

Proximity isn't
prominence, Hope.

Well, get in good with them
now, go out with them later,

and give 'em a
night to remember.

What's this I hear about
a night to remember?

- Jules, what are you doing here?
- I'm a guest of a guest.

And my host wouldn't
really like it

if things got out of hand,

so could the pocket
pharmacy close for tonight?

This is supposed to
be a dignified affair.

- All yours.
- Oh, thank you.

I cannot believe that you
just handed those to her.

I can't believe you think I'd
still keep my stash in there

after that Rafa incident.

Yeah.

Jules? Wait, you're here?

This is an event. I go
to events. You do not.

Why did you ask
Grace to get you in?

Well, my dad lied to me. So
I'm gonna catch him in the act,

make sure he
doesn't do it again.

Okay. Do you really think that
this is the place for that?

This isn't a debutante ball
or a school fundraiser.

Look around.

This is politics.
The stakes are...

- Jules.
- Obie?

- Have you seen Zoya?
- Have you seen Monet?

This is exhausting!

Yeah. Now you know
how I always feel.

Dad?

What happened to your key?

You owe me an explanation.

My dad is in town for
a textile convention

- and he has a key?
- No, an explanation

for why you sent your
minions to sweet-talk me.

Wait, how do you
know where I live?

It's on the contact list.
Don't change the subject.

What are you so afraid of?
That I'll tattle on ya?

Yes! Of course, I'm afraid!

I thought I was doing
the right thing,

and you're the only
one who knows I did it,

and you haven't talked to
me since I've done it, so...

So, wh... What do
you want from me?

I'm sorry, I wouldn't
usually answer

- an unknown number, but I...
- But you're gonna use it to stall?

Hello?

Ah. I understand. Yeah. I
can be there in 15 minutes.

Thanks.
And now I have to go.

- Sure you do.
- It's my dad.

- Sure it is.
- Don't believe me? Come with.

Fine, I will.

Maximus. What are
you doing here?

I could ask you the same thing.

If memory serves, you weren't
coming stateside till summer.

Ale, this is my boyfriend,
Aki, and my girlfriend, Audrey.

Spreading the love
as usual, I see.

Audge, Ak, these are my friends
from my endless COVID summer

on the Azimut in the Aegean.

- Enchanté.
- Nice to meet you all.

I've heard a lot about you.
Max, didn't you say you made

some amazing memories
on that trip?

From what little
I remember, yes.

What do you say we make
some new ones tonight?

Oh! Yeah, sorry, there
is no smoking here.

And we don't engage
in frivolities anymore.

- We've, uh, matured.
- What, from six months ago?

We're focused on the future.
We get high on making

a global impact now.
That's why we're here.

Luc's an intern at the ICC.

He's presenting a paper on
the proliferation of opioids.

Well, why not proliferate
them here instead?

This isn't a joke, Max.
We're not interested.

Here you go.

Aren't you happy?
Your cachet falling

isn't because you've
gotten boring.

It's because everyone else has.

No, they've just
forgotten what fun is.

And it's up to us
to remind them.

Now's our moment.
Don't forget to mention

my passion for protecting
the environment.

Uh, Tiffany, let me
introduce you to...

Monet De Haan. No
introduction necessary.

I've been following you for
years. Consider me a fan.

The feeling is mutual.

From tailing to trending in
record time. I'm impressed.

I was just waiting in the wings
for Julien's inevitable crash.

And now I'm waiting

for you to leave
this conversation.

- Okay. Bye.
- Thank you.

All right. The triad
is dead in the water,

and De Haan is
vaguely under control.

Little Z may be a time
b*mb, but I'm keeping watch.

Grace's twin brother
is kinda cute.

Do not even think about it.

Zoya, what are you doing here?

You said you're
meeting with partners

from an international law
firm, right? So where are they?

- They're, uh...
- Uh! Hey, fam!

You know, have you seen
the view from the roof?

- It is lovely this time of year.
- February?

Don't you wanna introduce me
to your potential new bosses?

I haven't seen them
yet. It's a big space.

Big.

Yeah. And yet, small world,
there's Greyson De Haan.

What's he doing
here? You would know

because, um, he's the one
you're here to see, aren't you?

I'm not here
to meet Greyson.

I'm going to give
you one more chance

to tell me the truth.

Z... Zoya, can I talk
to you for a second?

Okay.

Can we save the family
showdown for home?

I'm sure whatever you
think your dad is doing

is worthy of this reaction.

But Obie really needs
tonight to go well.

And this... this doesn't
need to happen here. Please?

All right.

You have them
follow a dress code?

And other edicts.

I'll have to try that. I
do already have my teachers

taking my exams and
writing my papers.

Mm! Not to mention pretending

to bestie-up to Goody
Grace Byron, right?

A woman after my own dark heart.

Talking about the same Grace?

Spotted, the
ascending Queen of Constance

forming an alliance

with the Empress of Exeter.

Is this just a simple
meeting of the minds,

or an international
affair in the making?

Gossip Girl
doesn't waste time.

- It's crazy, right?
- Hmm.

Although maybe not.

Are you proposing what I
think you're proposing?

You and me, as the power
couple of the ruling class.

Exponentially raising
our followers overnight.

Consolidating powers
across school lines.

Setting trends and striking fear
throughout the Eastern Seaboard.

- We would be...
- Unstoppable.

So, how... how should
we seal this alliance?

Okay. We've got plenty
to send to Gossip Girl.

Or not.

- We're good here.
- W...

Don't get me wrong.

You're smart, stunning,
cunning, and cruel,

but I'm not really into girls.

Excuse me? Everyone knows that
you're the supreme sapphic

- of the sleepover schools.
- Everyone thinks I am. But...

I actually have a boyfriend.
Don't tell anyone, though,

'cause this is really
working for me.

You're queerbaiting?

For cred?

Nobody cared about me
when I was straight.

I "became" a lesbian and
now I'm front of mind.

People are digging
around a bit, though,

which is why I'm
glad to have met you.

Now we can both
get what we want.

Power and influence.

What's the problem?

You of all people understand
it's the illusion that matters,

not reality.

If you want, I can eat you
out every now and then,

as long as you let
my boyfriend watch.

- What was it this time?
- Drunk and disorderly.

We brought him in about an
hour ago, but to release him,

- we're gonna need a copy...
- Copy of his driver's license,

proof of residency,
and 400 cash.

Already handed over at the desk.

There's also a 28-dollar
processing fee.

Mm. Twelve more than Jersey.

You can wait in here.

Uh, now that you
know I'm not a liar,

please feel free to leave.

It usually takes a
couple hours from here.

If it's okay with
you, I'll stay.

Power is being talked about.

If I wanna get back on the map,

I need to get Luc and
them back on it first.

- Seems like a tall order.
- No. No, no, no.

Their inner wolves
are just dormant.

It's my goal to have them
lurching out to their Lambos

like Leo by the
end of the night.

- But how?
- In order to regain

my seat at the table,

we're gonna have to make
a scene at the table.

You ready?

He's never gonna
tell me the truth,

no matter how many
times I ask him.

He's just gonna
keep up this lie.

So now your food, mortgage,
and tuition all come

from Big Pharma? At least
you have a good hookup.

It's not funny! Okay?
This is blood money.

If you really want
him to admit the truth,

there is one way to do it.
But you're not gonna like it.

You sending that in to GG?

It's what you want, right?

And
yet, I'm hesitating.

Why?

Well, I... I wanted
a sapphic victory,

but I got a Pyrrhic one instead.

Turns out, she's
a secret straight.

So we're like the Gen
Z KStew and RPattz.

What's the big deal with that?

You're using her,
she's using you.

Oh, like you were using Grace.

You were using her,
to get to Tiff.

I just wanna be her friend.

The only reason that you want
to get in good with Grace

is to get back into
Obie's good graces.

It's okay. It's human nature
for us to convince ourselves

that the things we're doing
are noble when they're selfish.

But when it comes to
compromising my identity...

I have to draw the line.

I can't believe
I'm saying this...

- but I'm proud of you.
- Well, don't be too proud.

I'm going to give Tiff Meyers

the coming out she
truly deserves.

- Do you have to do that now?
- Why shouldn't I?

Obie asked f...

You know what?

- Hmm?
- Go for it.

I had 'em
in the crosshairs.

I looked good, I said
all the right things,

bought 'em drinks,

and they still
turned me down flat.

I just want my
seat at the f*cking table!

I upholstered the
g*dd*mn seat!

What happened with Theresa?

By the time she showed up,

she took one look
at me and she...

I guess I broke
my promise to her.

She's gone. Theresa's gone.

Uh, why don't you get some rest,

and we'll talk
about this tomorrow?

- Hey.
- Hey.

She ever tell you
about how she used to bust

all the umbrellas in the house
pretending to be Mary Poppins?

She was always trying to
make everything perfect.

Always trying to fix everything.

But everything kept on
breaking.

She tell you about that?

No. She never told me that.

Apologies. They're rolling.

I hope this doesn't
offend your newfound

globally responsible
sensibilities.

This is not the
place for that, Max.

Déjà vu. Didn't you
say that exact thing

as you bent me over
the Vespa on Hydra?

And, as I recall, you
were wrong then too.

I nearly
forgot about Hydra.

Well, after taking our
entire supply of K,

I'm not surprised. Allow me
to refresh your memories.

The event is almost over.

And we did it.
Thank you, again.

I don't deserve that. I owe
you and Grace an apology.

I only spent time with her today

so that I could
get closer to you.

I wanted us to be
friends, like before.

And I shouldn't have
used Grace to do that,

and yet, that's my nature.

If I can't get what I want,
instead of letting it go,

I just figure out another
way of going after it.

Really been b*ating myself up
about that. But the truth is...

I am sick of pretending
that I'm some great person.

I use people. I try
to control things.

You should let everyone
be who they are too.

I'm just trying to make a good
impression on my girlfriend's family.

But what about the next time?
And the time after that?

Life around us is never smooth.

And you're only gonna be
able to hide that for so long

before it explodes all over you.

I can't ever unsee that.

I don't even know what that is.

Those were exhilarating times.

A shame they're behind us now.

Ah, but see, they
don't have to be.

I mean, what good is it
in saving Mother Earth

if you cannot revel in
her earthly delights?

Don't mind if I do.

What the hell? For
old times' sake?

See you on the other side.

I wish I could say he's
not usually like this.

- Nah, you don't need to explain.
- I just... He's my dad. You know?

He's given me everything.

He went broke putting
me through Barnard,

bankrupt sending me to Iowa.
I... I owe him everything.

I'm the safest bet he ever
made, and I came up short.

Nah, you're too
hard on yourself.

Mm. Not hard enough.

I'm a failed writer
turned failing teacher.

I took those frustrations
out on the head teacher

instead of dealing
with them myself.

Then I felt so gross about
it that I convinced Jordan

and Wendy to convince you
that I'm not as bad a person

as I actually am?

I should probably get going.

- Of course.
- Um...

You know...

none of us are as bad
as we think we are.

No...

Some of us are worse.

I'm sorry, my daughter is where?

Yeah, she's just
around this corner.

Yeah, she just asked me
to get you. And look...

Nick.

Greyson. Oh, God.

Z, please. Now's
not the best time.

For the truth to
come out? Why not?

What is going on,
and where's Monet?

Z, please.

As his new boss, Mr. De
Haan, you should know

that my father's a liar. He
lied about his promotion,

he lied about why he
was coming here tonight,

and he even lied about
working with you.

You decided to go
with De Haan Pharma?

- No. I'm just...
- Using me to leverage an offer

from Debevoise and
Plimpton, right?

That's not how
we do business, Nick.

Consider my offer rescinded.

Wait, I... I... I thought...

No. I... I know
what you thought,

but you were wrong.

And your stunt now cost me
not just one, but two jobs.

I didn't mean to
lead you on, sir.

Nick, you leveraging me
for something better...

that's how I do business.

My offer still stands. And
in fact, I'll double it.

- I accept.
- Okay.

- Oh!
- Oops! I'm so sorry!

Friend of yours, I presume?

Go, go, go, go, go, go!

What
the hell is this?

Obie! Come join us!

Of course! These are
your friends too!

Mom, this isn't Obie's fault.

- Uh... yes, it is.
- Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.

'Cause I tried to
stop it.

This just in.
Looks like Exeter's shining star

may not burn as
bright as she thinks.

Or maybe that's just the
light reflecting from

her pants on fire.

You told Gossip Girl I'm het?

Yes. Also that you're
a really bad kisser.

I think it might
be too much tongue.

- Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm.

d*ke.

You're not gonna treat
my friend like that.

Well, your friend's a bitch.

When I said "w*r," I didn't
know I meant on the same side!

- Don't you love it?
- Oh, I do, Julien.

Hey. Come on.

All right. Hey,
that's enough. Come on. Come on.

You'll be
hearing from my lawyers!

Okay, worth
it, I promise!

Oh, Obie, I'm sorry.
I am who I am!

- We're leaving.
- I'm going, I'm going.

Do it. Do it!

- Hey, Dad.
- Hey!

She's up. Finally.

- How are you feeling?
- Oh, I'm feelin' great.

Gotta be at Penn Station
in a couple hours.

There's an estate
sale I wanna hit.

Heard it through the grapevine
the owners have a collection

of antique velvet,
pennies on the dollar.

I know what you're gonna say.
But you don't need to worry.

Yeah?

This time, I
remembered the bananas.

Thanks, Dad.

To everyone watching,

we are here to k*ll
the "besting" trend.

And ask why it was ever a
trend in the first place.

Why do we love pitting
women against each other?

Why compete for space
when there is enough room

for us all? I know I've
been guilty of that.

We all have.

It's a story that's been told
long before hashtags, duets,

or feeds.

And who does it really serve?

It's time we finally
stop that story

and start a real conversation.

Won't you join us?
We go live in five.

I feel like I'm in a
Black Mirror episode.

He's this, like,
completely different person

- I don't even recognize.
- I'm telling you, we gotta do an exorcism.

I know a hot priest.

You know what would
look fab with that?

Those Doc Martens from
the church lost and found.

I think
they're in the front closet.

- Go get 'em, girl. I'll wait.
- Okay.

Take it we're
still not speaking?

Hold on.

I'll transfer
my signing bonus

to you directly. And
if my new salary holds,

I'll be able to buy the
place back from you fully

in the next couple of years.

Thank you, Davis.
I appreciate it.

What the f*ck?

- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.

Good morning, Senator Byron.

Would you like to, uh, would
you like to get a coffee...

Won't be necessary.
I'll make this short.

Last night was unacceptable.

And I'm... I'm...
I'm truly sorry. I...

"Sorry" won't cut it. You've
proven you're a liability

to my campaign.

- But I...
- But...

my daughter's happiness
is more important to me.

Well, I... I can assure you

I won't be inviting my
friends to any more events.

That goes without saying.
But one friend in particular

I'd prefer you extricate
from your life.

The driver just
gave me his demo?

If his music is anything
like his ride, it stinks.

No, no, no, no. That
is the sweet stench

of victory, my dear.

After I paid for my messy
mates' rides home last night,

Jed was the only car
that would pick me up.

Four-point-one-two!

Max Wolfe's back, baby.

So, what's next? A
power table at Odeon?

- Cut the line at Ostbahnhof?
- Actually, no.

I think I'd rather just spend
the night with you two. At home.

I mean, what good
is a bad reputation

if you can't spend it with
the ones you care about?

If she found out what you did,
it wasn't from me, Keller.

I know. It was from me.

I don't want to be like my dad,

always saying I'll
change tomorrow

and then never doing it.

I am who I am, so it was
time I owned up to that.

- I told her myself.
- Mm.

And she understood.

She said she would've
done the same thing.

Proud of you. Takes a lot to
own up to that kind of thing.

Um... so let me own up
to something myself.

The reason I came over
last night was to tell you

not to worry about me.
I was kinda offended

you thought I'd actually
do something like that.

I jump to conclusions
all the time

about everyone and everything.
It is such a character flaw.

I... I don't know
you very well, and...

But I'd like you to.

Ninth Precinct,
tomorrow morning?

Or, uh,

maybe dinner tonight first?

When
the dust settles...

I'd like that.

And conflict
has become compromise,

we begin to see things
a little more clearly.

We need to talk
about that TikTok.

Monet and I are putting the
conflict behind us. Look.

She even let me wear
this. Small step.

Tomorrow I'm wearing heels.

No. I meant your whole
"Stop the Story" concept

is blowing up.

- "Stop the Story"?
- Your words, not mine.

It is catchy and catching on.

And with the right help, a.k.a.
mine, it'll relaunch you.

People want to know
your struggles, right?

Your pain. They're
gagging for it.

What do you say? Hmm?

Ready to take your
influence back?

And
in that clarity,

we find hope, the chance
at a brighter future.

Hey. I came back with the
Docs and you were gone.

So?

What do you think?

Even when
the voices in our head

tell us to keep
ourselves guarded.

Is something wrong?

No. Those boots slay.

Come on. Let's go.

Because
hope is fragile.

And trust is elusive.

I was worried I wasn't
gonna see you before I left.

I'd never let that happen.

Nobody
is ever truly safe.

Not even me.

XOXO, Gossip Girl.