01x17 - Ghost in the Machine

[bunniefuu]

- We've got rogue Romulan
factions closing in behind us.

- We leaving the Neutral Zone.

- The "Dauntless" has locked
on to our coordinates.

They're hailing us.

- Jamming comms.

- How do our shields look?

- Shields at maximum.

- Ahh! Oh, we've got incoming!

- Shields at 23%.

- Rok, send the
message, Morse Code.

Fire off their bow.

- Do not contact, virus aboard.

- Nope, they don't get it.

They just think
we're f*ring at them.

Round two inbound!

- Evasive maneuvers!

- Shields are gone, captain.

- We're caught in
their tractor beam.

If they take our ship, the
Living Construct activates.

- Then disable that
beam. Open fire!

- Oh boy, they didn't like that.

Torpedo three coming our way!

- Brace for impact.

- End simulation.

- Oh, well, maybe we'll
nail it the 87th time.

- Doesn't matter.

No matter what we try,
we lose every time.

- We'll find a way out
of the Neutral Zone.

We'll get to the Federation.

- Maybe it's time we consider

we stop trying to
go to Starfleet.

- Wow. It's like
a funeral in here.

- Might as well be.

Our dreams of joining
the Federation are dead.

- You've been up for
days. Get some rest.

What isn't present today
might reveal itself tomorrow.

- In stressful times like this,

Jankom Pog knows
just the solution.

- This does make me
feel a lot better,

but what sort of lunatic
would whip cream?

- Who was I kidding?

Starfleet is the best and
brightest in the galaxy,

and I'm just some accident
from a petri dish.

- Sounds like you
earned yourself

two more scoops of sadness.

Pile it on!

- That Tellarite officer said
lots of mean things about me.

Jankom can take it,
but to call me short...

Pile it on!

- What Jankom wouldn't give
to slap his soggy jowls.

With words, of
course.

- I'd like to slap my
father for all he's

put me through, with my hand.

- Let's hit the
holo-sim at 0800.

- How about 08-whenever-
Pog-wakes-up-hundred?

Computer, turn everything off.

Let the darkness take me.

Computer, music off.

- Huh?

- Did anyone else just see
a feral human suffering

from malnutrition strolling
around on our ship?

- No, but some odd-looking
glittery puffball

is giving me kissy lips?

- Glittersmooch!

Glittersmooch!

Oh my gosh, aren't
you the cutest thing.

- Wow, you know that thing?

- I take care of
them in my holo-sim,

"Delta Heart Magical
Veterinarian."

- Look, I ain't judging,

but how did your holo-pet
escape the holodeck?

- There must be a malfunction
with the holo-emitters.

- That would explain
the feral human.

- But it doesn't make sense.

These holograms aren't permitted

to leave the holodeck, unless...

I fear it may be far worse.

Friends, I believe we never
left the holodeck at all.

- It wasn't real?

The ship?

The mess hall?

The ice cream?

- All of them, fake.

- Not the ice cream.

- All of it, a simulation.

Computer, exit program.

Computer, summon arch.

Janeway, can you read me?

- Loud and clear.

I'm detecting your life signs

inside the holodeck, all right,

but the arch refuses to respond.

A disruption in subspace
could be interfering

with the ship's functions.

Try to sit tight while I
get to the bottom of it.

- If we're all
stuck in one room,

how is Zero all
the way over there?

- Motion floor tracking,
visual horizon manipulation.

A holodeck tricks the mind
to create any scenario.

- I recognize this holo-program.

I often spend my
recreational time here.

Come in, come in.

It's quite enjoyable.

- Well, if we're
trapped here a while,

we may as well enjoy it.

- Welcome to the headquarters
of the Cellar Door Society,

purveyors of puzzling
puzzles, amateur sleuthing,

and milquetoast mysteries.

- Yeah, this is a hard pass.

- I don't think
we have a choice.

So what dorky task
do we have to do?

Return an overdue
library book?

Dal, the
Cellar Door Society

deals with precarious
adventures,

like the Case of
the Phony Pharaoh,

or the Case of the Biting
Ghost, or the Case...

- Ooh, found a clue.

This is dumb.

Let's get out of here.

- You can tease all you want,

but every time I
solve a mystery,

the program ends and
the arch reappears.

- So if we play detective,
we'll find a way out.

- All right, what's the mystery?

- It only reveals itself
at the stroke of midnight.

Aha!

The mystery is a feet.

Get it? Feet.
It's at our... eh?

- "For the Cellar Door Society.

Together, you can
solve the case."

- The sooner we
solve the mystery,

the sooner we can
leave the holodeck.

- Uh, it's just scribbles.

- Oh, yeah.

Jankom's having a blast already.

- Gwyn, use your
linguistic skills.

What language is this?

- No language.

It's gibberish.

- Or maybe it's a clue.

- This sounds like
a lot of work, Zero.

- Think, Dal.

The envelope said the clues
were meant for us, together.

- Murf, put your
paper over mine.

Jankom!
- Huh?

- Cellar Door Society,
endless adventure

awaits you with the case...

- The Case of the
Lost Skeleton Key!

That's what we're after
to solve the mystery.

- Great, so we find a key,
then this dumb holo ends?

- An excellent deduction.

- Sounds easy enough.

Skeleton key?

What's it made
of? Bones or something?

- Don't look at me.

I'm just doing what
everyone else is doing.

- What is that?

- And did we just get
a music soundtrack?

Look at short stuff here.

Did you come to get stepped on?

- You know these guys, Zero?

- No, this is
something different.

- Is it me, or do they
all kind of look like...

- Yep.

It's my program.

Jankom's been using
this street fighting sim

to let off some steam.

- I'm starting to worry
one of these hooligans

knows something about our key.

- I'm not worried
about getting hurt.

I'm worried our
two holo-programs

have somehow merged.

Leave the key to me. Hoo.

Stand back and watch me play.

Who's got arms?
Give us the key!

Whoa!

- Okay, now I see why you all
spend so much time in here.

- But don't worry, the
safety protocols are on.

It is impossible to
get hurt in here.

Whoa!

Hey, that
actually hurt.

- Oh, no.

- What happened to
the safety protocols?

- They've been shut off.

I don't think
this is a game anymore.

Janeway!

- I'm trying to re-enable
safety protocols out here,

but my settings only allow work

on non-essential functions.
Dal, could you...

- Use my command code, GB64N32X!

Whoa! Ah!

This hologram really
doesn't want us

to find the Skeleton Key.

- This isn't a game anymore.

- We could die in here!

- The key.

Grab him... it may be our
only way out of this program.

The tattooed ruffian flees.

- Please?

- Shouldn't the arch be
appearing right about now?

You kids will never escape.

- His tattoo, it
ain't just a key.

- The Key Club?

- Where'd he go?

What's happening now?

- We've unlocked
the next chapter.

Whose simulation is this?

Uh, not mine.

Look what the cat dragged in.

Come on up here and give
us a song, would you?

Ladies and gentlemen,
Mr. Murfy No Shoes!

Murf?

- Uh... what?

- Murf can speak?
- And Murf can dance!

- Or convincingly lip sync.

- Let's split up
and find the key

before things get any stranger.

- Barista, could
I get a Jumja tea?

You wouldn't happen
to have seen a...

- Jumja tea coming right up.

How are you...?

- You look like
you've seen a ghost.

- My father's holo must
have merged with the others.

- You know, I don't
just serve drinks.

I listen as well.

- I guess I'm just
surprised to see you here.

Do we
know each other?

- Not as well as you'd think.

What are you looking at?

- Is that from...

- Yep, another patient from
"Delta Heart Hospital."

- The further into
the maze we go,

the more the simulations merge.

- There's thousands of
programs in the databanks.

Why is it choosing all of ours?

- Ooh! Fascinating
observation.

The holodeck may have
more than a malfunction.

It has a motive.

- Are you saying this is
happening for a reason?

- Anyone seen a skeleton key?

Looking for a skeleton key.

Hey, you, skeleton key?

Have you seen a skeleton key?

Anybody? Key? Skeleton?

Time to go-go.

- My father put the fate of
our world on my shoulders,

without ever asking.

- Sounds like despite
your pop's intentions,

you gotta find your own way.

- Speaking of, which
way out of here?

- Get them! Over there!

No, not there! There!

- There are two
mysteries at hand.

First, the Case of
the Skeleton Key.

Second, the riddle as
to why the holodeck

has trapped us here.

- Hmm.

For such a swanky joint,

you'd think they'd
fix that piano.

- Fix it?

- Sounds like it's
got a missing key.

The missing key!

- Get them!

- The piano has a missing key!

- Let's pop this blow stand.

- I don't think
that's how it goes.

- Move it, piano man.

- Spectacular.
- Murf!

To the next adventure.

- The program's breaking
down, merging with the others.

- Ahoy! Welcome back, Captain.

Prepare for a long journey.

- Uh...
- Hah.

Okay, so I sneak in here
once in a while too.

It's nice to have a
crew that respects me.

- Fancy a snack, Cap'n?
- No time.

The key has to be on board.

- All right, me hearties,

we're looking for
a rare treasure,

a skeleton key!

- Aye-aye!
- Aye-aye-aye!

- We'll find it.
- We will find it!

- I shall go overboard to look!

Monster! Off the port bow!

No, no, no, no, no!

- That's not a monster.

It's a sparkle sea-hugger!

My favorite!

- The corrupted holodeck
programs are bleeding together

at a wildly dangerous pace.

- If we don't find
that key pronto,

we're gonna be hugged to death.

- No, Sea-Hugger!
No more hugging!

Bad girl! Bad!

- This is from your sim, Rok.

How did you take
care of it before?

- Uh... uh...

This poor creature
is malnourished.

I prescribe fruit and fiber.

Fire!

- Nice vet work, Rok.

Any chance you practiced
ship repair too?

- I'm in my happy place,

surrounded by colorful
creatures, snuggling.

- We're taking on water.

You really
are a detective.

- Hey, guys, Murf
found another clue.

- Look, it's a compass.

- Pointing us to
the Delta Heart Vet?

This game never ends.

- Never ends.

Stop, we're not going anywhere.

- Easy for you to
say. You can float.

- Yes, we could
follow the compass,

but it'd just lead us to
another clue, and another.

There is no skeleton key.

- Yeah, you said if
we solve the mystery,

we get out of here.

- The missing key is a
ruse to keep us preoccupied

from solving the real mystery:

why we're trapped
in the first place.

Let me deduce.

At first, we would've never
known we were in the holodeck

if it hadn't been
for those glitches.

After Rok astutely
observed our favorite

recreational simulations
were involved,

I knew it couldn't be a
glitch, a malfunction,

or even a disruption in
subspace as Janeway noted.

It must be a calculated
attempt to keep us here.

- You kids will never escape.

- Stay a while. Sing
us a song, would you?

- Prepare for a long journey.

Okay,
someone did this to us.

Who and why?
- Was it my father?

- No, but the culprit
is on this very ship.

And the only way to win is if
we refuse to play her game.

- Thank goodness you're okay.

Why are you looking at me
like you don't recognize me?

- Janeway, did you
lock us in here

and turn off the
safety protocols?

- Of course not.
I would never.

- For all she knows,
she's telling the truth.

But I fear she's
unknowingly been manipulated

by a secret subroutine
pre-programmed

to intervene if the
ship's core directive

was ever interfered with.

Computer, show security
feed of Hologram Janeway,

start of simulation.

- Maybe it's time
we consider we stop

trying to go to Starfleet.

She wouldn't allow us to
stray from the ship's mission.

- From the very
beginning, she inspired us

to go to Starfleet.

Was it all a lie?

- No, because we
had the same goal.

It wasn't until we all
agreed we should never

go to Federation space
that her sinister motives

for activated.

- Computer, create holo-program

to keep the crew
distracted indefinitely,

no restrictions.

- Acknowledged.

- So you did turn off
the safety protocols.

Then what did you need
my command codes for?

- To take control of
the ship so it would

complete its mission
and destroy Starfleet.

- Use my command code, GB64N32X!

- Federation
coordinates acquired.

- I'm so sorry.

I'd never intentionally
do anything to hurt you.

- But the Construct would.

- I don't remember
doing any of this.

I... I think Zero's correct.

There's something wrong with me.

- We've left the Neutral Zone.

And we're
locked out of the controls.

- I'm sorry.