02x09 - The Christmas Spirit, Part One

[bunniefuu]

That's the thing about Christmas.

All you have to do is believe.

Well, I believe

- that I love you.

- What are we watching?

It's a made-for-TV

Christmas movie called

Single and Ready to

Kringle, and it's amazing.

Yeah, well, a lot of plot holes, though.

I mean, how does Derek

afford a chalet like that

on a Christmas tree farmer's salary?

And why is Holly quitting

her job in the city?

- She was so driven.

- Oh, Jay, Holly wasn't

- happy in the city.

- Mm.

And Derek was an heir to

the North Pole fortune.

Yeah, Holly wants to get

up on that North Pole.

Please don't make

Christmas dirty, Trevor.

It's pure and beautiful.

And everyone loves it.

Why Christmas decorations

in Thor's room?

Thor hate Christmas.

Well, almost everyone.

Okay, so, apparently,

Thor hates Christmas.

Oh, boy, that's not gonna

fly, not in Sam's house.

Jay's right. Christmas is

not just a holiday to me.

It's a season, it's a lifestyle.

It's a coffee flavor that

she starts using in June.

Christmas steals best part

of Norse Yule Festival and make lame.

Takes wise Odin, turn him

into stupid-faced fat man.

Huh. Isn't that like that

cultural appropriation thing

you're always saying is so bad, Sam?

Uh, no, nope, I-I think

that this is different.

How is different?

Mock culture, cause Thor great pain.

Well, you see, the thing is

that if you really look at it,

then the point of Chris Oh!

They're about to get

on the candy cane train.

This is my favorite part.

Saved by the jingle bell.

The Not-not saved by the bell,

but saved by the jinglebell.

- Oh, I understood.

- Okay.

♪

Okay, I just got a text

from Bela. She's pulling up.

Can you believe it, Jay?

We're hosting friggin'

Christmas at our house.

This is the dream.

Yeah, well, it's just my sister

and probably a bag of

her laundry, but sure.

Hey, Sam, I just want to say

that even though Bela is my ex,

I promise things will not get weird.

Okay, "ex" feels a

little strong for someone

who doesn't live on the same

plane of existence as you.

The point is, she's a great girl,

she deserves to be happy,

and I want her to find somebody.

- Hey!

- Merry Christmas!

Hey.

- Hi.

- Hey.

Hey there. Hi.

Oh, I hope it's okay I

brought someone. This is Eric.

- Well, hello, Eric.

- Hello.

Hi. I'm Bela's brother, Jay.

Great. Great, Jay.

Who's this schmuck?

You just said you wanted

her to meet somebody.

Yeah, but not bring him here.

She knows I haunt this

house. This is just rude.

Ugh. My car got booted

and I needed a ride.

Turns out, if you park

at a Dunkin' Donuts

for more than two weeks,

they will take action.

Well, it's Christmas,

so the more, the merrier.

Welcome, Eric.

- Oh, thanks.

- It's great to have you. Um,

should I be making

up a second room or

Yeah, are you guys

That's an unfortunate hand gesture.

Oh. Oh God.

Oh, God, no.

- Okay, she's not into him.

- Oh, no.

We've just been friends forever.

Can you even imagine, Eric?

No.

- Ugh. This poor guy.

- No.

May I use your restroom?

Probably needs to check to see

if his man parts are still there.

Of course. It's just back

there behind the tree.

He seems nice. What does he do?

Oh, he's an architect.

He actually owns his own firm.

They just did the new

wing at the hospital.

A cute, successful

architect, and he's single?

Yeah. And, honestly, I think

he might have a little thing for

me, but I'm just not into him.

- Why not?

- Too stable? Too nice?

- Too normal?

- I don't know.

He's just, like, always there

for me, doing anything I need.

He's, like, always

driving me to the airport.

He's helped me move, like, four times.

What a monster.

Well, the holidays have a

funny way of helping you see

what's been right in front

of your face all along.

Thank you, but I don't

think I need any help

when it comes to men.

By the way, is Trevor around?

Aw, she asked about me.

Okay. Uh, Jay, if you

could point us to the rooms,

I'll grab the bags.

Oh, I'll help. It's

just right up the stairs.

Oh, great, and then,

I'm making everybody Christmas cookies.

Yeah, definitely don't

give this guy a chance.

Sorry.

Your little matchmaking

attempt didn't bear any fruit.

Oh, no. I'm not deterred.

Just wait till I sprinkle a

little bit of reindeer dust,

and then it's gonna be

just like a Christmas movie.

What the hell, Sam? You

don't have to fix her up

- right in front of my face.

- You're right, Trevor.

That was insensitive of me.

It's just that he seems like a nice guy,

and you don't have a body.

Ooh.

Okay, well, I'm still a person.

Are you? Are we?

I actually don't know.

That is a complicated question.

How about "Jingle Bells"?

Let's do "Silent Night."

No, no, no, it should

be "White Christmas."

What are you guys doing?

Oh, brainstorming song ideas.

It's gonna be our present

for Sam on Christmas morning.

We're calling our little group

Alberta and the Christmas Cookies.

We hadn't really landed on that yet.

It's Alberta and the Christmas Cookies.

- And we have a name.

- Isaac, did you see the mistletoe?

Are you gonna bring Nigel by

for a special holiday treat?

Oh, well, I would, but

I wouldn't want to be too insensitive

to others by flaunting my happiness.

What are you talking about?

Well, I hesitate to bring

this up in present company,

but there was the face-palm incident

between Pete and Alberta.

Oh, right.

When Pete tried to kiss Alberta

and then she palmed his

face like a basketball.

Yeah, that was hard to watch.

I was told to be proud.

In any case, I'm okay.

Don't hold back for me.

Well, we're not really

ones for public displays.

Okay, but how's it going in private?

Well, we're not really

big on private displays.

So, y'all haven't kissed yet? At all?

- That is correct.

- Isaac, it's been months.

I would've slept with him

and his bass player by now.

Well, we're moving at our own pace.

Doesn't sound like you're moving at all.

- Oh.

- Whew.

Man, when Pete's slamming your sex life,

that is not a place you want to be.

- Agreed.

- I don't owe any of you an explanation. Hmm?

So, uh, bass player, huh?

Incredibly nimble fingers.

- Ooh.

- I played the oboe.

Cool.

What's wrong, Trevor?

It's just this whole thing with Bela.

Seeing her again has brought

up a lot of old feelings.

I actually like her. And she likes me.

And now I have to watch Sam

set her up with this dweeb.

What does he have that I don't?

A body. Big whoop.

- Hmm.

- What?

Well

No. It's crazy.

No. What? Say it.

Well, we know from Hetty and Jay

how a ghost can possess a person, right?

Yeah.

And Bela did say that Eric would

do basically anything she asked.

Oh, my God, Sass, you're saying

that I possess Eric

so I can be with Bela?

That's exactly what I'm saying.

Sass, you're a genius.

Hey, I don't know if

this will be successful.

But if it is, it'll

be the greatest thing

I've ever been a part of.

We're sending you where

no ghost has gone before.

- Inside Eric.

- Inside Eric.

Hey. What's going on here?

Sam is attempting to recreate a scene

from Single and Ready to Kringle,

in which Derek and Holly fall in love

while building a

gingerbread house together.

Just get 'em drunk, Sam.

Oh, uh, I should check on some laundry,

but if you two feel like having

a frosting fight or anything,

don't worry about the mess.

Oh. That's nice.

Yes! They left the iPad open.

Uh, what are you two knuckleheads up to?

Look, it's groundbreaking.

That's all you need to know.

Oh, come on, man. We're

cool. We're not gonna narc.

Fine. We're texting Bela

to see if she'll convince Eric

to let me possess him for a day

so that she and I can

finally be together.

This is the greatest thing I ever heard.

One small step for a ghost,

one giant leap for ghost kind.

- Yes.

- Okay, Trevor, do your thing.

- Oh, first one's always a little off.

- Okay.

Take your time, take

your time, take your time.

You got it, you got it, you got it.

Operation Boyfriend

for Bela is underway.

Samantha, I was watching

Bodices and Barons

and he changed the

channel. Admonish him.

- Sparks flying?

- Not yet. Phase one: start off wholesome.

Then we turn the heat up

with phase two: ice skating.

Okay, babe, if you want

to turn up the heat,

have Eric go outside and chop some wood.

- Why?

- Because Bela loves these videos.

She sends them to the family thread.

This is a lumberjack from Maine

- Oh, yeah.

- with 300,000 followers.

This one's really thick.

Oh, my.

Oh, my.

Do another. Do it now.

Wait. I'm on the family thread.

Why haven't I seen these?

Yeah, there's another family thread.

Champa calls it the Core Group.

Hey. Sam not core group in own family.

Very funny.

What's the Skittle?

Our doorknob.

Oh.

And sent.

Oh, my God, we have contact.

Ooh. She's smiling. That's good.

All right, everybody, just calm down.

She's typing.

Ooh, the, uh, the

marshmallow could be like

the smoke coming out of our chimney.

- Hang on a sec.

- Yes.

Holy hell.

She said yes! This is incredible!

And we are now ready to receive mail.

Congrats, Teddy Bear on a rainbow.

You have made the Christmas tree.

This not Christmas tree.

This tree of Balder, god of sun!

You desecrate my culture, small man.

Whoa.

Sam's letting you make

tree-decorating decisions on your own?

No, I have very detailed instructions.

- Hilarious that she thinks he's joking.

- Hm.

Hey, I don't think I ever

asked you about that time

you got possessed by a ghost.

Oh, uh, no, you didn't.

No, Bela, you got to ease into it.

Yeah, he's gonna see right through that.

I mean, I joked about it.

Victorian lady inside of you.

Objectively funny.

But it must've been weird

and probably a little scary.

It was a little scary, thank you.

Well, if you want someone to talk to,

I'd love to hear how

you felt, and, you know,

like, maybe a little bit

about how it happened.

That's very nice of you, Bela.

Ooh, she knows just

what buttons to push.

Well, I was standing right over there

and I was trying to fix that sconce.

Where exactly?

Oh, well right here.

And then, I was up on

a ladder, obviously.

A ladder. Right. And

where do you keep that?

No! Too close to the sun. Be cool, Bela.

In the supply closet,

but why does that matter?

Jay, I'm just trying to be here for you.

I feel like you went through

this really traumatic thing

and you can't even talk

to your friends about it.

Must be so hard.

It is. It is hard.

- God, I'm so glad you're here, Bela.

- Oh.

She saved it.

Hey, that's what family's for.

Now, this supply closet

is that on this floor?

Hey, bud.

Excited about the big day tomorrow?

Yes. I'm sure my 280th Christmas

will be my best one yet. Yippee.

Um, look, about before

I get being nervous

about physical intimacy.

I mean, heck, I'm no

Burt Reynolds myself.

I don't know who that is, Pete.

Cannonball Runstar,

married to Loni Anderson.

That clears everything up.

Oh, it's just vexing, these nerves.

I'm no neophyte.

My Beatrice and I

locked lips many times.

Over a hundred.

Yeah, but it's different this time.

I mean, Nigel gives you those

butterflies in your stomach, right?

I mean, I suppose so.

I d*ed of dysentery,

so it's always sort

of gurgling down there.

But, yes, he does produce

a certain flutter that

seems distinct from gas.

And that is why it's gonna be

the best kiss you've ever had.

You're saying that the fact

that I'm nervous is a good thing?

It's a great thing.

You've waited so long.

You deserve this, Isaac.

You just have to get

out of your own way.

Thank you, Pete.

And I hope you don't give

up on kissing entirely,

you know, after the face-palm incident.

We don't need to keep bringing that up.

It's in the past,

like it never happened.

Oh, but it did happen.

And it was chilling to witness.

Well, I'm sorry you

had to go through that.

Thank you.

Hey, Bela.

I was, uh, just thinking

it might be nice to have a fire tonight,

so maybe you could go outside with Eric

and watch him chop some firewood.

Sam, are you trying to turn this weekend

into a real-life Christmas movie?

I don't know what you mean.

Well, I don't want to get your hopes up,

but I think your very obvious

matchmaking might be working.

I could see something

happening with me and Eric.

- Seriously?

- All I'm gonna say is

this will definitely be

a Christmas to remember.

Oh, my God. They always

say that in the movies.

They alwayssay that.

Hey, guys. Uh, Sam, did

you leave a flannel shirt

and suspenders on my bed?

Oh, uh, laundry mishap.

They're Jay's. Anyway,

I'm gonna go downstairs, but text me

if you guys need

anything from the market.

I am going to start a grocery list.Oh.

Mead. Sam! You never have mead.

You and small man drink, I watch.

Very fun.

Hey, Eric, sit down.

There's something I want

to talk to you about.

Is everything okay?

You remember how I told you

that I think this

house might be haunted?

Yeah.

Looks like she's getting started.

Come on, Bela. Bring us home, baby.

Well, the thing is it is haunted.

How-how do you know that it's haunted?

Okay, this is gonna sound

weird, so just go with me.

Okay. You know that finance bro

I was talking to for a while?

Uh, uh, Trevor, right?

Yeah. Well, the thing is,

Trevor's a ghost.

Like, he ghosted you?

No, like, he's dead,

and he's an actual ghost,

and he haunts this house.

I'm sorry. You must think I'm crazy.

You know, so, after my Pop Pop d*ed,

my Nana said that she

could still talk to him

and nobody believed her.

But I did.

So, no, I I don't think you're crazy.

Just wait, bro.

We're going way past Nana.

It's just, I really like

Trevor, and he likes me.

But I've never been able to

actually see him and touch him.

This is it. Bottom of

the ninth, bases loaded.

I'm so invested. I'm so nervous.

Eric

would you let Trevor possess your body

so that we can be

together? Just for a day.

Wow, boy.

Uh, this is a lot.

- Um

- Yeah, I know, take your time.

Uh, okay, so, j-just

so I have all the facts,

how would this even work?

Like, would I do a séance or something?

No, you just electrocute yourself

by touching exposed wiring

and then your body gets

thrown back into the ghost.

Yeah, I don't love that part.

It's-it's fine, Eric.

You don't have to do it.

Look, cards on the

table I really like you.

And someday, I hope, maybe

we'll even end up together.

But this whole Trevor thing I can see

this is something you need

to get out of your system.

You need to sow your wild ghosts.

So I cannot believe that

I'm saying this but

Bela, if this is what

you want for Christmas,

I'm in.

Yes!

Thank you, Eric. Thank

you, thank you, thank you!

My pleasure.

This guy is mentally ill but I love him!

Thank you for walking me

back to the mansion, Nigel.

It was a lovely evening.

Oh, my.

We find ourselves beneath the mistletoe.

Indeed, we do.

That most suggestive of greenery.

Well, we don't have to

follow tradition, Isaac.

We can just say good night.

No! Nonsense.

We've waited this long.

We should do this.

Well, i-if that's what you want.

Why is your hand upon my face?

I'm not sure.

Could you remove it?

Terribly sorry.

Just a an unfortunate reflex.

But a telling one.

I've been patient, Isaac,

but it's clear to me you're

just not ready for this.

I'm sorry to say, I

think our relationship,

such that it is, should end.

End?

Wait. Don't leave like that.

I have things to attend to in the shed.

Well, I could give you a hand.

I've had quite enough of

your hand for one night.

Happy Christmas.

Come in.

Hey, Merry Christmas Eve.

I just wanted to say good night.

Aw, good night, Bela.

Merry Christmas Eve to you, too.

We're so happy you're here.

Me too.

So, you guys just gonna go to sleep?

- Yeah.

- Cool, cool. Me too.

Like, right now?

Uh-huh.

Okay, good night.

I am so excited about her and Eric.

I don't want to get my hopes up,

but she does seem different this trip.

Like, more together or something.

I know, right?

I really think she's starting

to make good decisions.

Okay, so Trevor, you stand right here,

and when Eric gets electrocuted,

he'll fly back into you.

Stay close to the host body.

I believe that was key to

my successful possession.

- You good? Feeling loose?

- Oh, I got this.

- I got this.

- We're rooting for you, Trevor.

It's very exciting.

Even I have never had

this kind of threesome.

And if you should come

across any morphine, do it.

Let Eric handle the withdrawals.

Now, when Trevor goes to sleep,

he is gonna put in my retainer, right?

What's happening here?

You said you were going to sleep.

I was putting out milk

and cookies for Santa.

Why is Eric up the ladder?

Uh

Oh, my God.

You're trying to get Eric

possessed by Trevor, aren't you?

Hey, babe, look, I know the

snickerdoodles are for Santa, but

could I just have one?

What's going on here?

Nothing. Bela's trying to

get Eric possessed by Trevor.

Don't be a rat, Sam.

Is that why you asked me

about getting possessed by Hetty?

You didn't care about my feelings.

- Both things can be true, Jay.

- Wait. You got possessed?

How could you, Bela?

Did the electrocution part hurt?

Because that's the part that

I'm sort of very concerned about.

We're not going through with this, Eric.

That's not your call, Jay.

- Trevor, Eric and I are three consenting adults.

- What?

This is epically bad,

even for you, Bela.

What's that supposed to mean?

Well, it's just one weird,

bad relationship after the next.

Oh, I'm sorry, Jay.

Not all of us can have perfect marriages

and a house that smells like cinnamon.

She puts little sticks

in the heating ducts.

At first I deemed it overkill

but now I find it quite pleasant.

I'm not asking you to

have a perfect marriage.

I'm asking you not to sleep with

a ghost on Christmas in my house!

You know what? I don't need this.

Trevor, I'm sorry it didn't work out,

and I'm sorry you have

to haunt a house with such

a judgmental jerk. I'm going to bed.

So, Christmas morning,

are you guys like an "everyone

takes turns opening presents"

kind of family, or is it more

of a free-for-all situation?

- Go to bed, Eric.

- Absolutely. Merry Christmas.

This is so unfair. I was so close.

Don't you start, Trevor.

You ruined Christmas.

And you ruined the

seventh night of Hannukah.

- We all told him it was a bad idea.

- Yeah.

- We really did.

- Mm-hmm. He wouldn't listen to us.

Morning, Thor. Merry Christmas.

Yeah.

So, hideous decorations

come down tomorrow?

Most people like to leave

it till after New Year's,

but I go all the way

up to Groundhog Day.

Yeah.

What happen to light?

Oh, it's kind of a long story.

I'd rather not think

about it on Christmas.

I should screw that back on, though.

Careful.

Aah!

What happen?

Why hands so small and clean?

Merry Christmas, Sam!

We can't give you much,

but we can give you this.

Silent night, holy ♪

No! Hate this song!

I told y'all we should've

went with "White Christmas".