06x08 - Legalese and a Whole Hoo-Ha

[bunniefuu]

Previously on Young Sheldon...
We are at capacity.

It's time to expand.

Where? The video store

right behind that wall

just lost its lease.

So, you're telling me
there's nothing weird

going on back there?

Oh, my God.

Is it legal? No. Yes.

Too bad there's not
a comic book database

so I can search through it
and find what I'm looking for.

Well, CERN
has something similar.

You can search a database
of scientific papers.

But there's no database
for comic books.

You should make one.
Somewhere else.

Could it be used to catalogue

other things?

Yes, the applications
are endless.

Ooh, there could be ones
for scientific grants.

Funding grants is such
a time-consuming process.

If there was
a centralized database,

it would change
the research landscape entirely.

Do you see what this could do
for the scientific community?

We could charge an access fee to
every university on the planet,

then I could retire on a yacht
in the Bahamas.

You're missing the point.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Uh, good for science. I love it.

People say French
is the language of love,

but for me, nothing is sweeter
than the exhilarating sounds

of legalese. Ooh, la, la.

The same could not be said
for my parents.

Uh...

And which one are we?

"The-the party
of the first part"

or "the party
of the second part"?

The first part,

but either way, it's a party.

Speaking of which,
can I get you a beer?

Y-You're a Lone Star man, right?

Matter of fact, I am. George.

She offered.
I don't want to be rude.

It's 11:00 a.m.

Well, you just let me know.

We'll get you anything you want.

We're fine, thank you.

So, you really think
this invention of Sheldon's

could be worth something?

Oh, who knows?
Uh, most of the time,

these things don't pan out.

Could be something,
probably nothing.

Uh, that's just a formality.

But you said my grant database

would make the university
"boatloads of money."

Well, that doesn't
mean anything.

Boats can be small.

Ever hear of a canoe?

Anyway, who needs a pen?

What's this about the university

owning 90% and Sheldon
only owning ten?

Oh, that's just
standard boilerplate.

Did you know that
boilerplate originally

referred to the roll of steel

used as a template
to create steam boilers,

but then was adapted
to the legal profession

to describe the way
companies use fine print

to get around the law?

Ugh, that fact is just so fun.

You see? It is a party.

And what's a party
without Yoo-hoo?

Can I get you a cold one?

Yes, please.

No. We want to make
sure that Sheldon

is being treated fairly.

Yeah, maybe we should get
our own lawyer

to take a look at this
before we sign anything.

Can we afford a lawyer?

Okay, w-we're gonna need
some time to get back to you.

Of course.
You take all the time you need.

You know, just because of all

the nice things we've done for
your son and for your family,

no need to start
trusting us now.

She took that
better than I thought.

♪ Nobody else
is stronger than I am ♪

♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪

♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪

♪ I am a mighty little man ♪

♪ I am a mighty little man. ♪

Dang, it's busy in here
for a weekday.

Social Security checks landed.

Hm. Getting paid
just to be old... must be nice.

I ain't complaining.

Listen, this cash box

is full. Take some of this up

and stick it in the register
in the video store.

You got it.

And don't be
flirting with Mandy.

I need help back here.

Okay, but she might
flirt with me.

This shirt really
brings out my eyes.

How's it going?
Figure everything out?

People give me money,
I give them movies.

I think I got it.

Smart, pregnant,
you're the whole package.

I'd like to return this movie.

Okay, thank you. Come again.

I can't believe
you would rent this filth.

It's not filth.
It's Basic Instinct.

Well, my husband was watching it

and there was a woman in there
who showed her hoo-ha.

Yeah, she does.

Come on, I mean,
you don't see the whole thing.

At most, you see a "hoo."

If you see the "hoo,"
the "ha's" right there.

Whatever it was, it's sinful.

Why don't you pick out
something else? On the house.

I don't know why you'd carry
something like this.

People like it.

I've seen it three times.

Do you really want
to bring your baby

into a world where this
is considered entertainment?

Lady, why don't you
let me worry about my baby

and, uh, you worry about
what your husband's watching.

Easy, she's still a customer.

Not anymore.

And I'm gonna tell
my prayer group

not to come here either.

Okay, you do that.
We have family

entertainment as well.

Sound of Music.
No one shows nothing.

Three times, really?

I'm 17.

Well, I don't know,
you're the lawyer.

You know,
if this invention's big,

mama wants a taste.

President Hagemeyer, a word.

Here's a word: Out.

I understand
you're moving forward

with Sheldon's grant database.

I was an intrinsic part of that.

Hm, Sheldon didn't mention you.

Of course he didn't, that
pint-sized little credit hog.

Do I need to redo
these contracts?

You betcha.
All right, just hold on.

This is good for the university.

This isn't about everybody

getting a piece of the pie.

Oh, really? In that contract,
does she get a piece of the pie?

Uh... Don't answer that,

attorney-client whatever.

Uh, technically my services
are paid for by the uni...

Shut up, Ken.

Linda, be reasonable.

I am.

After all the Sheldon I've
put up with, I deserve this.

You deserve this? My office
is basically his clubhouse.

Okay, I tell you what I'll do.

If Sheldon's okay with it,

you're welcome
to part of his cut.

That's not you doing anything.

Hi there, Connie.

Pastor Jeff.
What can I do for you?

I was hoping we could chat
about your video store.

What about it?

I'm just so glad

it's in the hands
of a good Christian woman.

Where you headed here, padre?

Well, some of my flock

have concerns about
the movies y'all rent.

You know, the ones with the

sexual content

and whatnot.

If they don't want
to see whatnot,

then they shouldn't
rent whatnot.

I hear you. God gave us
free will.

But you're renting temptation.

And you know who tempts us?

The devil.

So, that's who's making me

want to slam this door
in your face.

I'm just here
to give you a heads-up.

People are upset

and I'd hate to see
your business suffer.

Are you threatening me?

No, uh, I'm sorry.

Uh, let me just
take off my pastor hat,

put on my neighbor cap,

and start again.

I'm gonna put on my hat, too.

It's got a big foam finger
on top of it.

Guess which one.

The naughty one?

Bingo.

♪ ♪

Mr. Vance, thank you for taking
the time to see us.

Oh, no problem.

You know,
I don't ordinarily handle

intellectual property contracts,

I'm more of a slip-and-fall guy.

I have seen your face
on those park bench ads.

Oh, you fall in the park,
this is the first thing

you see.

So, as I said on the phone,

our son invented something that
his university's interested in,

but we feel they might be
trying to keep

the lion's share for themselves.

You really think
it's gonna be worth something?

University seems to think so.
They want 90% of it.

Oh, is that so?

What's the invention?

We don't really understand it.

Oh, you know, it's a computer...

thing.

Adding machine and carbon paper
got me this far.

Mm.

What... what am I smelling?

Beef and broccoli.

Chinese place downstairs.

Ooh, do they have good chop
suey? I can never find good...

George. You were saying?

Sheldon, we need to talk.

You should keep your voice down.
This is a library.

Do you remember when
we came up with the idea

for that grant database?

I remember when
I came up with the idea.

Uh, in my office.

In my brain.

Which was in my office.

And, as I recall,

I was the one who suggested
you build a database.

No, you suggested I build
a comic book database.

Which was the underlying idea.

Fire is the underlying idea
for the nuclear power plant,

and no one credits the caveman.

Son...

and I call you son because
I think of you as family.

Is this the way you would
treat your own family?

Not my mom.
Everyone else is on their own.

Thank you for saying no to sin!

Oh, you got to be kidding me.

What are you doing?

We're just asking people
to sign our petition

if they agree that sin
has no place in cinema.

Huh. Clever. Thanks.

And God doesn't want us
seeing people's private parts.

Didn't he make people's
private parts?

He did, and then he made clothes
to cover 'em right up.

You are scaring
away my customers.

You know what's scarier? Hell.

Look, you can't just sit here
in front of my store.

Freedom of speech.
We're allowed.

And we're allowed
to rent whatever movies we want.

People can choose
for themselves.

They sure can.

If you love God
and hate the devil, sign here.

Where is your halo? 'Cause
you are an angel.

Let's just see what
the people think about this.

Yeah.

What are you doing? We just

finally got those
killjoys out of here.

Yeah, it was amazing.

Have you two lost your minds?

We do not need
this kind of attention.

Attention's good.

Like, free advertising.

We're running an illegal
gambling room in the back.

Oh, that'll be fine. For you.

If we get arrested,
y'all go to lady jail.

I have to go to scary jail.
I'm too pretty for scary jail.

No more prison movies for you.

So you're saying
we should just give in,

after what that
holy-rolling Muppet

has done to your whole family?

He does look like a Muppet.

All I'm saying is
we need to remember

where the real money's
coming from.

If we want it to keep coming,
you got to back off.

Okay, fine. I'll behave.

When did you start
to be the responsible one?

Hey, I don't like it, either.

Ah, just the young genius
I was hoping to see.

Look, I've heard
from your parents' lawyer,

and I'm a little concerned

that this whole thing
is getting out of hand.

How so? Well, you
know, lawyers get involved

and everything slows down
and, well, I'm just worried

that someone else might come up

with the same idea
in the meantime.

I didn't think of that.
We should get started.

I agree, but, well,
we can't get started

until the paperwork is signed.

Ugh! Those darn lawyers.

Well, how can we fix this?

Hmm. Well, I guess

if you could, well,
convince your parents to sign,

then we could get rolling.

And to make it worth your while,

how about we put your name
on one of these buildings?

How would you feel about
"Sheldon Cooper Science Center"?

I'm sorry. Did you say,
"Sheldon Cooper Science Center,"

or "Sheldon Cooper's
Science Center"?

Well, which do you like?

I prefer the possessive.

It makes it much more mine.

Then "Sheldon Cooper's
Science Center" it is.

So, do we have a deal?

Okay. Excellent.

Now get out of here
before I pinch those cheeks.

I will remind you
my wife is a police officer.

I've just come
with a little peace offering.

My last copy of Basic Instinct.

So there you go.
No more naked ladies,

no more Michael Douglas'

bare butt giving me
impure thoughts.

The town is safe again.

Well, thank you
for seeing reason.

Well, what kind of good
Christian woman would I be

if I didn't?

So, we square?

It's not about you and me
being square, Connie.

It's about you
and El Jefe Grande.

Mm-hmm.

Well, goodbye.

You know,
I'd be happy to come down

and let you know what
other movies are objectionable

so we don't have
another situation on our hands.

You want to take
more movies out of my store?

Again, not me,
but there's a guy with a thumb

a lot bigger
than Siskel or Ebert's.

Sheldon, thank you
for coming in.

I want to apologize
for our little tiff earlier.

You're forgiven.

Oh. Great.

I found something that might
be of interest to you.

An authentic signature
from Richard Feynman.

Where did you get this?

Details aren't important.

Is this a restraining order?
Not important.

That's actually a really
good way to get autographs.

I'll have to keep that in mind.

Well, it's yours, from
one scientist to another,

and that's my point, really.

You and I... we need
to stick together. Why?

Because this university
is filled with people

who want to exploit our ideas.

That's not my experience.

President Hagemeyer
just offered me my own building.

You're being manipulated,
you don't even know it.

Sheldon, I've seen this
a thousand times...

A brilliant young mind
like yours taken advantage of.

But isn't that
what you're trying to do?

Absolutely not.

President Hagemeyer's
was a bribe.

That is a gift
from one peer to another.

So what do you say?

Are you a scientist

or are you a pawn
of the administration?

A scientist.

Yes, you are.

So, we have a deal?

Okay.

I'd like to order

five more copies
of Basic Instinct

and a couple more
of Fatal Attraction.

Anything else? Ooh, uh, get
a Last Temptation of Christ.

That'll really piss people off.

And a copy of
The Last Temptation of Christ

to really piss people off.

Thank you.

What are y'all doing?

Well, I tried to be nice
but he kept pushing.

Yeah, so now we're pushing back.

Why do you care?

Because I don't like
anybody telling me how

to run my business,
especially him.

This is not your business.

That room back there
with the shady piles of money...

That's your business.
Your secret, illegal business.

So, what, are we just supposed

to become
a Christian video store now?

You know what?
In this town, I...

No! I am not
gonna let that man win.

Hi. I'm with Channel 7 news.

Can I help you?

A local pastor has put together
a petition of citizens

concerned about the vulgar
content of your video store.

Would you care to comment?

Damn straight I would.
I want him to know...

Give me. Give me.
No, give me that. I want...

I can assure you
there's nothing immoral

or indecent going on here.

Mm. So, we were talking
to the lawyer...

Here comes the divorce.

We are not getting divorced.

Then why do we have a lawyer?

Sheldon invented something

that the university's
interested in

and it could be
worth some money.

You always were
my favorite brother.

This morning you licked your
finger and put it in my ear.

That means I like you.

Anyway, the lawyer
wants to sit down with you

before he gets into it
with the university.

I don't know. I hear
lawyers slow things down.

What?

Shelly, this is for your future.

We're just trying to make sure
that you're taken care of.

I don't care about money.

Well, someday you might when
you have your own wife and kids.

I don't see that happening.

No one sees that happening.
And I say that with love.

Sheldon, this is important
to all of us.

Uh, you got to think
about your family.

Shelly, he's right.

Did you put extra hot dogs
in this spaghetti?

I did.

Okay, I'll talk with the lawyer.

You're good.

Well, I'm-I'm so glad that
we can all sit down together.

And I have a feeling we are
gonna come to a quick agreement.

I have a feeling we are.

So, I have redrawn
the contracts...

Sorry we're late.

What are you doing here?
And who's he?

I'm his cousin. And lawyer.

Really, Grant?

Yeah, really.
Let me talk for you.

Yeah, really.

Okay. Fine, fine. Stay.

It really doesn't make
any difference because

Sheldon agrees that this is in
the best interest of everyone.

You said that? Yes.

Hold on. Sheldon told me...
Grant.

Sheldon informed my client

that their interests
were aligned.

You told him that? Yes.

You told me

he was on our side.

Didn't you tell them that?

Yes.

Which is it, Sheldon?

Yeah, Sheldon.
Whose side are you on?

Shelly?

I don't know and I don't care.

I just want
to build the database.

Why can't this just
be about the science?

W-Why are you making it
all about the money?

This was supposed to be
exciting, and you're ruining it.

Oh...

I'm telling you,
I can do it on my own.

Shelly?

I don't want to be
in the middle anymore.

I know. I...
I came out to apologize.

We made that all about us

and it should be
about what you want.

Thanks.

So... why don't you take
a little time

and figure out
what's gonna make you happy?

I will.

Okay, I did.

Oh. All right.
Well, what did you decide?

I'm cutting everybody out
and doing this myself. What?

I don't need the university
and I don't need Dr. Linkletter.

How are you gonna
pay for all this?

I'll find private investors.

They can pay for it
on the condition I'm left alone.

Are you sure you don't want to
think about this a little more?

Perhaps you're right.

Done. I'm good. Where you going?

My dorm. I have some calls
to make. Love you.

Love you, too.

Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today

Don't you have Die Hard?

Not anymore. Why?

It had that bad word in it.

What? "Yippee-ki-yay," etcetera.

This store sucks.

We know.

Maybe you'd like The
Singing Nun. Nope.

Has anybody ever rented
The Singing Nun?

Just Pastor Jeff.

That figures.

Wait a minute.

You can see all the movies

that Pastor Jeff ever rented?
You can see

any movie everyone's rented.

Well, let's just see

if he's as pious
as he pretends to be.

Let's find out.

Jesus Christ Superstar,

Jesus of Nazareth,

The Blood of Jesus.

Good Lord.

How many Jesus movies are there?

Oh, what about his wife?

Oh. Mm.

Show me, show me. Mm.

Hello, Pastor Jeff.

Hey there, Connie.

What brings you by?

I just wanted to drop off
a little gift.

Dirty Dancing?

I think you know
how I feel about this movie.

I do.

I also know how your wife
feels about it.

What?

She's rented it five times.

That's a lot
of shirtless Patrick Swayze.

Must be some mistake.

There isn't. Shall we talk about
Fatal Attraction?

Do we have to? Six times.

Are you blackmailing me? Yeah.

Well, it's not gonna work.

I'm a man of principles
and I stand by them.

And I respect that.

So let's talk about what your
church elders are renting.

Oh, come on. Want to know?

Is it bad?

It's Porky's bad.

How your principles feeling now?

I'm going to end this story

so you don't have to see
a grown man beg for mercy.

Connie, please...