A Nashville Country Christmas (2022)

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A Nashville Country Christmas (2022)

Post by bunniefuu »

- ♪ MTV ♪

- ♪ I hung
your stocking today ♪

[soft guitar playing]

[humming]

♪ ♪

♪ We're not together ♪

♪ It keeps me going,
sweetheart ♪

[humming]

♪ No weather, feather--
leather, weather, leather ♪

Oh.

[groans]

[humming]

♪ Shopping this season ♪

[knock at door]

- Ms. Carson.
- Yes.

- We're ready for you.

- Okay, I'll be right there.

[soft guitar music]

Come on, let's do this thing.

Hm.

♪ ♪

Well, let's go make
some Christmas magic.

Hm.

What in the Sam Hill--

- There you are.
I was just coming to get you.

You look amazing.
- Ah, here she comes.

- You tell Beyoncé that I'm
obsessed with those scarves,

and I'm giving them
to everyone for Christmas.

Ciao.
[gasps]

The early buzz
on this Christmas special

is unbelievable.

As soon as we wrap, we sh**t
you straight into the studio,

knock out an album
of holiday standards

with a country flair,
of course, and I got a call...

- Listen, Veronica--

- From the powers that be
up in network television land.

They want you
to do a Christmas parody bit

using the theme songs
from their top ten TV shows.

No pressure.
They already wrote it.

And they wanted me
to talk to you

about striking the nativity
from the "Silent Night" set.

- Okay, but why?

- It's a little to Jesus-y.

- Jesus Christ.

- Well, that's fine if you
prefer to use his full name,

but either way,
it doesn't work for them.

- It's literally a song
about the birth of Jesus.

- I get it.
- Bond with the chicken.

Otherwise, she gets pecky.

[chicken clucking]
- What?

Can we talk about this?
- Oh.

- I got some real concerns.

- You make this look sexy.

- Mrs. Claus should
never be sexy.

- Well, Mr. Claus would like
to argue with you about that.

- Dang,
these pants are so tight,

I can count the sequins
with my ass cr*ck.

- Yeah, we've all been there.

- Nobody should be there.

- [laughs]
You stop it.

You are hilarious.

- You aren't listening
to me, Veronica.

None of this feels right.

- Okay.

I need you to trust me.

Do you trust me?

- [exhales slowly]
Yes, I trust you.

- Good.

Then we don't have a problem.

You don't have a problem.

We got this
and the chicken--chicken, ooh.

- What in the hell is this?

- Josie, this is Christmas.

- Is he joking?
- No, she's kidding.

She loves it.
- Oh, great.

- I don't love it.

I can't do this.
- No, no, no, sweetheart.

Don't worry
about the choreography.

You're dance walking.

You're just gonna dance walk.

Look at this.

Oh, she's going to be so hot!

- I'm singing "Jingle Bells."

- No, no, it's more
about the feeling, okay?

- I ain't feeling
anyone's bells.

- Listen, before you
get into all your stuff,

I want you to do
a little improv for me, okay?

- What?

- People wanna hear your voice.

Just tell them what
Christmas means to you.

You're gonna be great.

- We're ready for her.

- Okay.

Here goes nothing.

- She meant the chicken.
- Oh.

- Are you my little star?

Yes, you...
- Places.

- Are my little star.
- Did you touch the hair?

Ay-yi-yi, I told you
not to touch the hair.

- I think she touched the hair.

- Hey, sometimes, the hair
has a mind of its own, Fred.

- Last look, stepping out.

both: Stepping out.

- Dancers, just like
we rehearsed now.

Sexy but for the family.
- Quiet on the set!

- Playback ready and...

action.

- Hi, y'all.
I'm Josie Carson.

Merry Country Christmas.

My barnyard friends and I
are hankering to wish you

a hee haw holly jolly holiday.

- Josie, now's the part
where I need you

to speak from the heart.

- When I think of Christmas,

I think
of brothers and sisters,

mothers and daughters,
fathers and sons,

just loving on each other
in that special holiday way.

It's the season of purity.

We all feel innocent,

just like that little baby
in the manger.

- Josie, sweetheart,
get into the choreography now.

- Right, right, right, right.

As I was saying,
down here in the South,

the holidays are
about three things:

Celebration, fun, and family.

- [gasps]
- Cut!

What happened?

[indistinct chatter]

- Josie.

- Sweetheart,
are you all right?

- Yeah, dang it, man.

That was a trust fall.

I trusted you guys.

- Listen, Josie, Josie, Josie,
just why don't you go work

on the choreography, okay?

We're gonna reset
and assess the damage.

Thank you.

Who's got eyes
on that damn chicken!

- This is not working,
Veronica.

- Okay, well,
you just--you know,

we'll stick you in a sleigh,
and we'll have the dancers

trot around you or something.

- It's not just the dancing.

It's all of it.

I said I wanted
to do a Christmas special.

- That's what we're doing.

- I'm talking about
with pine cones,

and popcorn, and garland,

and little freckle-faced kids
sitting around a tree

listening to me sing
"I'll Be Home for Christmas,"

not this sexy Santa stuff.

- Josie Carson is a brand,

a brand that delivers
hot looks, hot music,

and a hotter
than hell Christmas special

that's gonna be all
anyone is talking about

come New Year's Day.

- I don't wanna be a brand.

I just wanna be Josie.

- Your fans expect more.

- What if I don't
have any more to give?

[soft guitar music]

- You know what, honey?
Just relax.

Just do some yoga.

Watch a Brené Brown video.

I will get you a cozy cup
of chamomile tea

or rose hips--oolong!

Oolong.

- I just want a milkshake.

- Don't be crazy.

Dairy is m*rder on the thighs.

- Oh, God.

♪ ♪

-== [ www.OpenSubtitles.com ] ==-

- Josie, honey, you okay?

Josie, the chicken is fine.

You didn't damage
a single feather.

- How's she doing?

- Good.
Just bringing her some tea.

Gotta keep the instrument warm.
- Oh, good.

- Yeah.
Could you give us a second?

- Oh, sure.
- Thanks.

- Yeah, she's just
getting some tea.

- Josie?

Where are you, sweetie?

Still upset?

You know, I know things got off
to a rocky start this morning,

but you are just
gonna have to throw

those high-heeled boots back on
and stretch your stuff.

Josie, hon?

Oh, Josie!

[Night Ranger's
"Sister Christian"]

- ♪ Motoring ♪

♪ What's your price
for flight? ♪

- Josie, are you all right?

Oh, no, your ankle?

- ♪ You'll be
all right tonight ♪

- Don't go in there.
- Is everything okay?

- Josie may have
sprained her ankle.

- Oh, I'll call the medic.
- No, no.

I will take care of everything.

Can you please inform
everyone that we have

to shut down for the day,

maybe even
till the end of the week?

Josie is a very private person,

and she just needs
a little peace and quiet.

So we're gonna--shh.

♪ ♪

- ♪ Yeah, you're... ♪

- ♪ Motoring ♪

♪ What's your price
for flight? ♪

♪ ♪

- Veronica said
Josie might be gone

until the end of the week.

- What?

- ♪ And driving
through the night ♪

[cell phone ringing]

- Hi, this is Josie.

I'm emotionally unavailable
right now,

so leave a message.

- Josie, sweetie.

I need you
to call me right away.

♪ ♪

- ♪ You'll be
all right tonight ♪

♪ ♪

[knock at door]

- Josie, honey, let me in.

We can fix this.

Josie, if you don't like
that Mrs. Claus gown,

it is so gone.

Josie.

Josie, open--

- Oh, Veronica,
where's the fire?

Can I help you?

- Kimmy!

What a surprise.
How are you?

- It's Kimberly.
I'm good.

Josie's just letting us stay
here while I sh**t my movie.

- Oh, a movie.
How exciting.

- Yeah, well,

when Kathryn Bigelow calls,
you answer.

- Oh, the Bigelow gig.
Of course.

And, of course,
Josie would let you stay here.

How cute are you two.
Boop, boop, boop.

[laughs]
Is she home?

- She's not.

She's gonna be so sad
she missed you.

- Oh, darn.

- But I'll tell her
you came by.

- Here's the thing.
I could just come in--

- I don't think
now's a good time.

- Listen, Kimberly,
I really wanna make sure--

- She's not--
- You know what.

I'm just gonna come in.
- Really coming in.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah,
it's gonna be one--

one minute.

- Josie's not here.

- Bill!

- Can I get you
a green juice to go?

- No, see, Josie had
a little moment today on set,

and she just
completely took off.

- Now what on Earth could
have made her do that?

- Did she maybe
mention someplace

that she had to be today?

- Nope.

- Kimberly.

This is very important.

I am not sure that Josie
is in her right mind.

- Are you wearing plumeria?

- Focus.
- Right.

Okay, yes, we need to find her.

So you go back to the office,
and you start making calls.

And I'll stay here, and I'll
let you know if she shows up.

- I don't know who to call.

- You should probably start
with some hospitals.

- Hospitals?
- Yes!

- Do you think she's hurt?
Do you think she's dead?

- Ah, I don't know.
- Wait--

- I'll call you...
- Here's the thing.

- If I hear anything.
- Well, you know--

No, no, no, no, no, no,
Kim--berly.

[latch clicks]

[groans]

Josie Carson, if you are dead,

I'm going to k*ll you!

[soft guitar music]

♪ ♪

- Hi, Memal.

Hi, Mom and Dad.

I got you some flowers.

I'm sorry I haven't
been home in a while.

But I've been doing a lot
of exciting things.

My world tour went great
this past summer.

Sold out almost every show.

I got a big new house
in Beverly Hills.

It has a pool and a big
old backyard you'd love.

♪ ♪

Memal,

you always said,
be careful what you wish for.

And I guess you were right

'cause I got
pretty much everything

I've ever dreamed of,

and I've never felt so empty
in all my life.

♪ ♪

God, I wish you were here.

♪ ♪

[chuckles]

You wouldn't put up
with this nonsense now,

would you?

I bet you'd say,
Josie Adelaide Carson,

this world is full of rocks.

If you don't like the moss
on the one you've got,

go turn over another one.

♪ ♪

I guess that's
what I'm here for.

♪ ♪

It's time for me
to turn over a new rock.

♪ ♪

I love you.

- Please share
with your readers

that Josie broke her ankle
while filming

a rehearsal for her
upcoming holiday special,

"Down-Home Christmas Jam."

Her physician has insisted
that she stay off her feet

so that she can heal properly
and has checked her

into an undisclosed
rehabilitation facility.

- Therapy in three minutes.

- And she sends her fans
all their love

and promises that this special
will air as planned.

No, nothing further.

Thank you.

Todd!

- Here, what's up?

- Where's my coffee?

- The coffee that I just--
- Coffee.

- Okay.
- Todd.

- No, no, I got it.

- [groans]
Where are you, Josie!

♪ ♪

- What is this?

What in the hell?

- Which one of you
left the door unlocked?

You better not
have lost that key.

- I'm the one responsible
for the key.

- I love fighting.
- I don't!

- I'm really good at fights.

Yes, I am.

See, we're having
one right now.

And I'm winning.

- Freeze.
- Ah!

David, come here.

- She's gonna plunge us.
- David, get here now.

- Who are you?

- Please don't hurt us.
We didn't take anything.

- How did you get in here?

- We found the key.

- Belle, be quiet.

Listen, lady,
if this is your house,

I'm really sorry, okay?

But please don't
call the police.

We'll just get our stuff,
and we'll leave, okay?

- Hold on.
Let me think.

♪ ♪

- I have to pee.

- He has to pee.

- Go pee.

I'm not gonna plunge you, go.

♪ ♪

I'm not gonna call
the police yet,

but you have to tell me
what's going on right here,

and I want the truth.

- I'm Anna.

This is my sister Belle.

David's my brother.

We've been living here.

♪ ♪

[soft guitar music]

♪ ♪

- Dad d*ed in Afghanistan.

He was a sergeant.

- Oh, so sorry.

- It's okay.

- Where's your mom?

- She got cancer.

- So you don't have anybody?

- No.

- No relatives?

An aunt, a grandma?

- No.
[children shouting]

- It's a wizard battle.

I'm sorry.
I can go make them stop.

- No.

Stay.
This is important.

- Okay.

- Where were you living
before you came here?

- Well, we've been
in foster care mostly.

- Was someone bad to you?

- Oh, no, no.
It wasn't anything like that.

We just moved around so much,

and they were about
to split us up,

so we took off.

- Someone has
to be looking for you.

- I'm so fast!
- [chuckles]

You'd be surprised.

- How are you
feeding yourselves?

- I work at Brenton Grocery.

Mr. Brenton's pretty nice.

He actually lets Belle
and David hang out

in the storeroom
and do their homework.

- Are you in school?
- Yeah.

- Don't any
of your teachers ever ask

to talk to your parents?

- I just tell them
our dad is dead, which is true,

and I just tell them
our mom is sick

and can't make it
up to the school.

And they
kind of get uncomfortable

and leave it alone.

[crash]

- What the hell are they doing,

tossing bowling balls
through the windows?

Oh, my memal used to keep
honey candies in this dish.

She won it in a church raffle.

- We're sorry.

- It was an accident.

- I know it was an accident,
but it was special to me.

♪ ♪

Hey, it's time
for everybody to go to bed.

We'll figure all this out
in the morning.

- Okay.

- Oh, you can stay here
just for tonight.

- Really?

- We really get to sleep here?

- Yes, yes, you can stay here.

But do it now
before I change my mind.

- Go, go, go!
- [laughs]

♪ ♪

- Sorry, Memal.

[sighs]

♪ ♪

She came to the house?

- Yeah, she just waltzed
right in in her tight jumpsuit

and her high heels.

I can still smell the plumeria.

- Kimmy, you didn't tell her
about Tennessee, right?

- Oh, no.
Please, I would never.

It was too fun
watching her squirm.

All right, so, listen, what are
you gonna do about these kids?

- I have to call the police.

I mean, they're runaways.

- Josie, they're orphans.

You of all people should
understand what that's like.

- I don't even know how long
I'm gonna be here.

I gotta get back to sh**t
that stupid Christmas special.

- They're orphans.

You can't turn orphans out
on Christmas.

[footsteps thudding]

- Oh, I hear the thunder
of hoofbeats upon the stairs.

The little monsters
must be awake.

- Josie, don't be a scrooge.
Don't be scrooge.

I love you.

- Bye, Kimmy.

- Strawberry or blueberry?

- Strawberry.
- Yeah, me too.

Did you know there
was a chocolate one?

- Thanks for letting us
stay the night.

Right, guys?
both: Thank you.

- It's okay.
I mean, this house is so big.

- We like it here.

- We don't wanna go.

Anna said
you're making us leave.

- I didn't say that.
I said we have to leave.

- We were gonna put up
a Christmas tree.

We found boxes
of decorations and everything.

- There is an angel for on top.

- I'm sorry.

I can't let you stay.

It'd be like kidnapping.

- Okay, you guys.

Let's go finish getting ready
for school, okay?

Let's go.
- I'm so sorry.

- Grown-ups are always sorry.

We have to hurry,
or we'll miss the bus.

- Anna.

[cell phone rings]

♪ ♪

Holy hell.

Ugh.

♪ ♪

[yells]

♪ ♪

- [whispering]
Is that who I think it is?

♪ ♪

- Hey, now, Ms. Josie Carson.

To what do we owe this honor?

- Oh, I'm just here
checking on Memal's place.

- Mm-hmm.

- I had a little problem
this morning though.

This broke off
and caused a big old mess.

- That manages to happen
when nobody uses the plumbing

in these old houses.

Maybe you come around
a little more often

and keep the house up.

- Well, yes, sir.

- I know you're a big deal now,
but home is home.

- Yes, sir.

- Mm-hmm, look, you're
never gonna be around here

getting your fancy lattes.

I'm not afraid
to tell you what's what.

- You never have been.

- Look, this town,

you know,
we ain't affected by celebrity,

so nobody is gonna
blow your cover.

- Thank you, Mr. Peterson.

The showerhead?

- That's over on aisle four.

- Why thank you, Ted.

- Mm-hmm.
- [chuckles]

- Hey, Ted, Cletus.

- Keaton,
what you know that's good?

- I need a new knob
for my stove up at the diner.

You got any like that?

- Yeah, I probably got
something in the back.

Give me a minute.
- Uh-huh.

And you ought to go see
what's on aisle four.

- What's on aisle four?

- You'll see.
[chuckling]

- ♪ Josie's a good girl ♪

♪ She's gentle and kind ♪

♪ Sweet as a flower is in May ♪

♪ Her lips are so tender,
her kisses so fine ♪

♪ Her smile could
light up the day ♪

Doing a lot
of plumbing these days?

- The shower exploded.

- Sounds serious.

- I've faced worse.

- So what brings you
to town, Ms. Carson?

- Just a break.

- Uh-huh.

♪ ♪

- You got any more
questions for me?

- Nope.

- Am I in your way
or something?

- No.

- Well, what then?

- Your eyes get bluer
when you're mad.

I remember that.

- I remember a lot
of things too.

♪ ♪

- Maybe stick
to the PG memories, Josie.

I think Ted's listening.

- How do you make me
hate you so fast?

- There's a thin line
between love and hate.

Stick around too long,
you might just cross it.

♪ ♪

Thank you, sir.
- Mm-hmm.

Well, putting that on your tab?

- Yeah, and whatever
she's getting too, huh?

See you, Cletus.

- [chuckles]

♪ ♪

Well, all right.

♪ ♪

[knock at door]

- [whistling]

- Hello.

- Wow.

It's you.

I thought somebody was
playing a prank on me

when they called, so...

- Why don't you come on
inside, Sheriff Steen?

- Yes, ma'am.
Cody Steen.

C. Steen.

Well, you can call me Steen,
or Cody, or Cody Steen.

- Come on inside.

- Right, you said that.

- Come on in.

- Wow, Josie Carson.

- Have a seat.

- Did you write "Hometown
Heartbreak" on this couch?

- Uh-huh.

- My Aunt Nancy would lose
her marbles right now.

You know, everybody says that
song's about Keaton Walker,

and I think it's such
a lovely--ooh, lemonade!

- I called you about
the kids camping out here.

- Right, yes, you did, yes.

- I don't know who's
in charge of the system,

but the system,
it ain't working.

- Well, I called CPS,
but unfortunately,

they don't have any available
foster families right now.

And if they were
to go into a group home,

they would be separated
because of their ages.

- No, they gotta stay together.

- Well, there is
one alternative.

- Well, let's do it.

- Well,
in very particular situations,

such as what we have here,
and of course you'd have

to pass a pretty rigorous
background check first,

but in these types
of emergencies,

CPS would be willing to let you
hold the kids in your care

while you got foster
parent certified.

- Me?
I can't keep them.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

- No, it would just
be till Christmas.

Yeah, and after that,
CPS thinks that they could find

a group home for them together.

And who knows, maybe you'll
write a song about it,

and you can put my name
in the credits.

You don't have to.

- But I'm sure that kind
of rigorous background check

would take days, maybe weeks.

- Actually,
I already did yours.

But don't worry, Ms. Carson,
you pass with flying colors.

Except you do have
a $4.26 library fine

in Cornville, North Dakota.

- [chuckles]

- I actually need
to collect that.

♪ ♪

[upbeat country music]

♪ ♪

- ♪ What do you say
we change it up this year? ♪

[knock at door]

♪ Get out of here? ♪

♪ We'll watch
the traffic pass... ♪

- Excuse me, ma'am,
are you registered to vote?

- What?
What are you doing?

- Anna says
that this isn't our house.

- So we have to knock first.

K-N-O-C-K.
The first K is silent.

- Just come in.

♪ ♪

- Whoa, there's a fire!

- I like this guy.
He's funny.

He's so skinny.

- Look at this.

- You turned on
the electricity?

- It's a lot cozier
in here when you can see.

- You got the ornaments out.

Are we gonna decorate
the Christmas tree?

- Belle, put those back, okay?

- Gently, okay?

Hey, can I talk
to you for a second?

- Yeah.

- I spoke
to Sheriff Steen today.

- Why would you
call the police?

- You're not in trouble,
but he said you,

and David, and Belle will need
to go into group homes.

- Homes?
Like not together?

- I'm sorry.

- No, no.

- David, Belle, come on.
Get your stuff.

Let's go.
- Where we going?

- Go get your stuff!
We need to hurry.

- I wish it wasn't like this.

- Oh, great, that really helps.

- I'm just trying
to do the right thing here.

- You guys ready?

- Where are we going?
It's dark.

- We're gonna figure it out.
Come on, let's go.

- Wait, wait, wait, wait.
- Guys, come on.

- Let's go.
Keep going.

- Wait, wait, wait wait.

Wait!

Please just listen to me.

They're really
nice group homes.

I talked to the people
that run them.

- Please don't make us leave.
- We wanna stay.

- Guys, come on.
- No.

Fine, fine.

You can stay,
but just until Christmas,

when place you
somewhere together.

- ♪ I think it's time
we found a way back home ♪

- [sighs]

- ♪ You lose so many things
you love... ♪

- Are y'all hungry?

- Yeah.

- ♪ I miss the days
when I was just a kid ♪

- Oh, gosh.

- ♪ My fear became my shadow ♪

♪ I swear it did ♪

♪ Wherever is your heart
I call home ♪

[Brandi Carlile's
"Wherever Is Your Heart"]

♪ Wherever is your heart
I call home ♪

♪ Though your feet may
take you far from me I know ♪

♪ Wherever is your heart
I call home.

- Hi, Anna.

- You changed your mind,
didn't you?

- About what?

- About us staying?

- Oh, goodness, no, no, no.

I figured you were
about done with work,

and I'd save you a trip
from walking home.

- Oh.

Okay.

Well, I'm just about done.

Let me go get the kids.

♪ ♪

Okay.

- ♪ Wherever is your heart
I call... ♪

- How was school, y'all?

- Awful, spelling test.

Hallelujah has a lot
of extra letters.

- And how was your day, David?

- It was good.

Would you care to elaborate?

- What's an elaborate?

- E-L-A--

- It means,
tell me a little more.

- We had pizza today...
- Her new chart topper...

- Which we usually only have
on Fridays.

- "Sweet Tea and Bitter Lies,"
here's Josie Carson.

- So that was odd.

- Why'd you turn the music off?

- I just wanna hear
you better, honey.

- How was your day, Anna?

- Why don't I ask you
some questions?

- Okay, sh**t.

- Where do you work?

- Well, let's say I'm
on a sabbatical right now.

- If that's your house,
why don't you ever stay there?

- It's my memal's house.

- Then where do you live
the rest of the time?

- West-ish.

I live
in the Western United States.

- There's a lot of those.
Which one?

- Hey, hey, let's find
some Christmas music.

- Sure.

- ♪ Jingle bells,
jingle bells ♪

all: ♪ Jingle all the way ♪

♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride
in a one-horse open sleigh ♪

- Anna, come on!

Look at this.
Bah!

Bah, bah!

- That's scary.

- [laughs]
Yeah.

[soft music playing]

- What is that?

- Fruit.

- From what planet?

- It's for fruitcake.

- Remind me never
to eat fruitcake.

- [laughs]
Well, can you chop pecans?

♪ ♪

- Yeah.

- Is it pe-cahns or pe-cans?

- I don't know.

What else is in fruitcake?

- Pineapple, raisins...

- Ugh.
- Butter.

- I hate raisins.

- Fine,
I'll leave out the raisins.

But then you have to try it.

- You'd do that?

- Well, of course.

♪ ♪

- You know,
my mom used to bake.

- What did she make?

- Vanilla cupcakes
with sprinkles.

Every birthday.

- Well, that's a nice memory.

- I miss her.

But the kids don't really
remember her all that much.

- You know,
they were so little, right?

- Yeah, so it's easier
for them, you know, and I'm--

I mean, it's not
that much easier for them.

I don't mean that, but--

- No, I get it.
I get it.

My parents d*ed
in a car crash when I was 11.

In fact, my memal
raised me in this house.

- They both d*ed at once?

- Yeah.

- I wonder if that's easier
than one at a time.

- I don't know.

♪ ♪

- Can I turn the music up?

- Sure.

- ♪ That Tennessee tinsel
on my Christmas tree ♪

♪ A little eggnog
in my whiskey ♪

- Come on, Anna!

- Check out my moves.

- ♪ Howdy,
howdy Christmas to you ♪

[Scarlett Burke and Hailey
Whitters' "Howdy Christmas"]

- Ah!
- [laughs]

♪ ♪

- Fruit fight!
- What?

- Wow, that went high!

- Get back here!
- Sorry!

- I bounced it on my nose.

- Got it!
- Not the raisins!

- Lookit--
[laughs]

- [shrieking]

- Go, get it, guys!

[laughter]

[upbeat music]

- Todd!

♪ ♪

- Yeah, what's up?

- I said to make it
look titillating.

I'm pretty sure
you only heard

the first three letters
of that.

- You mean those?
I think they look great.

- She looks like
a video game character.

- I love video games.

- I would love to ask Josie,
but I don't know where she is!

[cell phone buzzing]

- I--

- It's George.
- Oh.

- You answer.
- No, you want--okay.

- Yeah, yeah--
no, don't answer it.

He hates you.
- Oh, that's--

- Get out, get out,
get out, get out!

Hi, George.

Yes.

Yes, I'm looking
at the mock-up right now.

Josie's going to love it.

I just need to make one--
two tweaks.

♪ ♪

[upbeat music]

- Now, y'all know

it's Christmastime again.

Let me tell you about it.

- I think the mule just pooped.

[laughing]
- Oh, eww.

- I can't see Santa.

- Would you rather only be able
to ride a mule or a reindeer?

both: Reindeer.
- Yeah.

- Good choice.
- Well, hey there.

- Hey.
- You're still here, I see.

- Still here.

- And who's this little
jumping bean, huh?

- That's Belle.
- Hi, Belle.

- Hi.

- What's your name?

- I'm Keaton.
What's yours?

- David.
Nice to meet you.

- You too.
- This is Anna.

And you met Belle.
- Hi.

- Don't ask questions.

- Right.
Not asking questions.

But you know what?

I got a full carafe
of hot chocolate

back at the diner
if you wanna warm up after.

- I love hot chocolate.
- Oh, I bet you do.

- I wanna see Santa.

- All right, let's go
see what we can see, huh?

- Oh, guys,
I don't know about that.

- Stay where we can
keep an eye on you.

- Yes, ma'am.

- ♪ I can't believe
it's finally here ♪

♪ It's Christmastime ♪

♪ It's Christmastime ♪

♪ Smiles
on every boy and girl ♪

♪ Joy to all the world ♪

♪ It's Christmastime ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh, ooh ♪

♪ It's Christmastime ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Let there be joy
and celebration ♪

♪ Peace in every nation ♪

♪ Hope in every heart ♪

♪ Let there be songs
instead of sorrow ♪

♪ Brighter tomorrows ♪

♪ Wherever you are ♪

♪ It's Christmastime ♪

- Okay, so who is that guy?

- Somebody I used to know.

- Uh, seems like you still do.

- Keaton's harmless.
Don't worry.

It's one of those
ex-boyfriend situations.

Yeah.

- Oh.

He's cute.

- Yeah, I know.

- ♪ It's Christmastime ♪

[cheers and applause]

[indistinct chatter]

- That was great.

- I can't see Belle and David.

- Don't worry.
They're with Santa.

- Oh, Josie.

- Oh, hey, Sheriff Cody.

Is there something
I can do for you?

- Well, I was thinking that
if you could maybe sign this.

- Oh, that's right.

I forgot I was supposed
to come sign the paperwork

to be the kids'
temporary guardian, right?

- Oh, no, no,
it's something--

- I'll come by your
office tomorrow morning,

and I'll be happy
to sign anything you want.

Have a great night,
Sheriff Cody.

- You too, Josie.

- Anna, tell Sheriff Cody
Merry Christmas.

- Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.

[soft music]

♪ ♪

- Look, it's a jukebox.

Come on, let's go.

- Don't press all
the buttons at once.

- Welcome to Darlene's Diner.

- Where's Darlene?

- She sold it to me
about 15 years ago.

- Well, looks the same.

- I like to keep
things traditional.

Table or counter?

- Look, I'm only here

'cause you promised
the kids hot chocolate.

- Guys, guys.
- We could take it to go.

- Stop, stop!
- It's late.

- Come on, Josie.

It's Friday.
Let your hair down a little.

I got marshmallows
and whipped cream.

- Fine.

But no marshmallows.

- Your wish is my command.

- And don't get crazy
with that whipped cream either.

- Wouldn't dream of it.

So you gonna tell me what's
going on with these kids?

- Nope.

- Fair enough.

You gonna tell me why
you're really back in town?

- Nope.

[soft music playing]

- I got one last question.

Consider this the bonus round.

- sh**t.

♪ ♪

- Why'd you take off
in the middle of the night

like a coward 30 years ago

and not just tell me
it was over?

- Okay, kids, time to go.
- What?

- Keaton's all out
of hot chocolate.

- All right, all right,
never mind.

I found some.
- What?

Hot chocolate?

- I'm not really
expecting any answers.

I just wanna be
your friend again.

- I don't know how
to be your friend.

So if you don't mind,

I'll stay
on this side of the counter,

and you stay on that side.

- What?

You can't resist all
this manly intensity?

- No, it's more like
I'm trying to save myself

from an as*ault
and battery charge.

- I don't know why
you're so mad at me.

I'm the one that got left.

- Even you can't be this dumb.

- I'm serious.

- [sighs]
Anita Wilson.

- What about her?

- I found her letter
in the glove box of your truck.

- What are you talking about?

- You know the one
that said she couldn't wait

to see you again and she's
so glad that it happened.

♪ ♪

- Oh, my word.

♪ ♪

- Why didn't you
ask me about it?

- Well, I was too busy
packing my bags.

- That letter wasn't to me.

- Don't lie to me, Keaton.

- You remember my buddy,
Dooley?

Anita and him
were messing around

behind her husband's back
till he caught him

and went after Dooley
with a shotgun.

She gave him that letter
to try and get him back.

But he wasn't fool enough
to get his head blown off,

so he asked me
to get rid of it.

- Well, why didn't you then?

- I threw in the glove box,
forgot about it,

till your nosy butt
went snooping around my truck.

What were you
looking for anyway?

- I don't remember.

- Josie,
I tried to go after you,

but you disappeared
off the face of the Earth

until about a year later,
I heard you on the radio.

- Well, personal tragedy
sometimes inspires great art.

- I knew it.

I knew that song was about me.

- Don't flatter yourself.

There have been others.

- Nobody as good as me, right?

- Kids, come get
your hot chocolate.

- Let's go!
- Let's go, come on.

- With all the marshmallows
you can eat.

- I want eight marshmallows.

- I want whipped cream.

both: Thank you.

[laughter]

- [chuckles]

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Come on, Josie.
Where are you?

Give me a clue.

- I'm pretty sure Josie
wouldn't want you going

through all her stuff.

- Dinosaurs had more
sophisticated filing systems.

- Hey, know your audience.
I still use a desktop calendar.

- Oh, you two were made
for each other.

- Can you just stop?
She doesn't need your help.

- Oh, really?

Like she didn't need my help
after the spring fling

with the 20-year-old
backup singer

who wanted to sell her topless
pics to the tabloids?

Or after the CMAs when she
had too many glasses of wine

and said George Strait
was all hat and no cattle?

I had to say
she had a reaction

to the shrimp and the canapés.

- Did it ever occur to you

that maybe Josie
just needs a break?

- Kim--
- Kimberly.

- Kimberly.
- Thank you.

- If you know where she is,
you have to tell me.

- I gotta go exfoliate.

- [gasps]
You do know, don't you?

- Turn the lights out
when you go.

Thanks so much.
- [groans]

♪ ♪

Oh, Josie.

You didn't run away from home.

You ran back.

♪ ♪

[soft guitar music]

- ♪ Since it was Christmas ♪

♪ The snow's gonna fall ♪

♪ But have you thought of me? ♪

[humming]

♪ Merry Christmas, my darling ♪

[humming]

- That's pretty.
- Oh.

Well, thank you.

[metal clattering]

[laughter]
Just leave it.

There's nothing left to break.

- They're not usually so rowdy.

They're really good kids.

- I know that.

[metal clattering]
- I'm okay!

- I'm okay!

- Anna, relax.

You can take a break
from being in charge.

- No, I can't.

- You're just a kid too.

- You don't understand.

- You're right,
but I wanna try

if you'll let me in
just a little bit.

- Look, I'm really grateful
for all this.

But you gotta stop acting like
some kind of a mother to us

because you're gonna make
the kids think

you might keep us.

- Oh.
- Yeah.

You're gonna break
their hearts.

- I didn't think about that.

- I would go, you know?
- What?

- If you would keep the kids,
I would go.

I can take care of myself.

- What are you talking about?

- Well, I mean,
I've thought about it before

because someone
might take the kids

if it was just the two of them

because they're littler
and cuter--

- Anna,
you can't think like that.

- If you don't want me,
I can go,

and you can keep
Belle and David.

- I can't keep any of you.

- Okay, I'm sorry.

- Listen to me.

You cannot leave those babies.

They've lost enough already,
and we will find you a home.

- Sure.

- And the only thing
that's gonna make me mad

is if I ever hear you talk
about running off again.

- Do you understand that?

- Yes.

♪ ♪

I've got homework.

♪ ♪

- [sighs]

[knock at door]

♪ ♪

- Hey, there.
- Hello.

- I come bearing pie.

- You can't impress me
with baked goods.

- Who says you're the one
I'm trying to impress.

- Hey, kids,
I brought some pie!

- What kind of pie is it?
- Don't drop it.

- Wait, wait, wait, wait!
- Is it chocolate?

- I will hold it.
- Is it strawberry?

- Say thank you.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

- Is it chocolate?

- No, it's cherry.

- Ooh, yum.

- Have a seat.

[soft music playing]

- May I have this dance?

- You're really
pushing it tonight.

- I'm still a hell of a dancer.

- With a hell of an ego.

- Are you gonna give me
any kind of chance here?

Come on.

♪ ♪

- Keaton,
I'm not here for long,

and I don't wanna start
something I can't finish.

- I don't know.

You seem pretty
settled down to me.

- It's complicated.

- It's still warm.
- Yeah.

So you ready to explain?

- No.

- Well, just in case I don't
get another chance to say it,

I'm proud of you.

- For what?

- Multi-platinum recording
artist Josie Carson.

- Oh, well, thanks.

♪ ♪

- I always knew
you'd make it big.

- I had to leave to do it.

- Yeah.

♪ ♪

- You broke my heart into a
million little pieces, Josie.

♪ ♪

- Keaton...

- ♪ Listen to the laughter... ♪

- We cut the pie!
- Okay, okay, okay.

Well, let's have some.
Come on, let's have some.

Come on.
- I need more pieces than you.

- Come on.
- Come on.

- ♪ So evergreen and tall ♪

♪ I guess Christmas
is coming ♪

♪ Christmas is coming
after all ♪

[rooster crowing]

[soft music]

- Oops.

Todd, what's the name
of that gum that I like?

♪ ♪

- We lost Todd at the airport
in Denver, remember?

- Right.

This is why I hate
flying commercial.

If they don't
lose your luggage,

they lose your assistant.

[laughing]

♪ ♪

Okay.

♪ ♪

- Hey, fella.

You look pretty blue.

What can I get you?

- Root beer float
and make it a double.

- Coming right up.

So tell old Keaton
your troubles.

- Women.

- [chuckles]
Lay it on me.

- Well, first of all,
I'm surrounded by them.

- You don't need
to tell me twice.

- I don't know what they want.

- Preach it, preacher.

- And I have to get them
all Christmas presents.

- Come bearing gifts
or don't come at all.

- Exactly.

So what am I gonna do?

- Well, you gotta think
of things that make them happy.

- Hmm, unicorns?

- Well, that might
work for Belle,

but you might have to get
a little more sophisticated

for Anna and Josie.

- Unicorns
that wear eye shadow?

- Well, you're heading
in the right direction.

Let's start with Josie.

What makes her smile?

- Well, she likes
to bake and sing,

and she likes it
when I make her drawings.

- Bingo.

Why don't you draw a picture
of her baking and singing.

That'd be a perfect
Christmas gift.

- That sounds great.

But what about Anna?

- The mind of a teenage female
can be difficult to cr*ck.

- Hmm,
something for smart people?

She's real smart.

- True.

Maybe something sciencey
like a telescope.

Smart people use telescopes.

- Yeah, that sounds--

but I don't have any money.

- Ah.

- Well, I have a proposal.

- I'm listening.

- You come here after school
for the next week

and help me take out
all the trash cans every day,

and I'll front you a few bucks,

so you can buy something smart
for your sister.

- Okay.
But we gotta shake on it.

This is a man's deal.

- Lefty to lefty, huh.

- Yeah.

- You know,
speaking of women and gifts,

maybe I should get something
for Josie too, huh?

You got any other great ideas?

- Well,
you can't draw her a picture.

That's already taken.

- Right.

But she mention anything

that she might like or need?

- Well, the other night
after you left,

she said she needs this

like she needs
an extra set of thumbs.

- [laughs]

- But I don't think
you can buy people thumbs.

- No, I've never
heard you could.

- Would you rather
have four thumbs,

or you can read people's minds?

- David!
Did you get a root beer float?

Do you want a root beer float?
- Yeah.

- Okay, you can go get one.
- I'll take mind reading.

- Huh, good choice.

- Oh, a root beer.
Just what you need.

- Does he have cherries?

- Where are we?

- Oh, my God, I feel like
we've been here forever.

- I'm getting hungry.
- Me too.

- Pull into that store.

- Are we gonna get snacks?
- Vegan snacks?

- Oh, I could live
for a kombucha right now.

- Oh.

- You two stay here.

You really don't blend in.

♪ ♪

- You want to go outside?
Come on now, Cletus.

You know the routine now.

We're gonna take a seat.
I'm gonna get you some water.

You watch this--
- Hello.

Hi.

You look like a man
who knows what is what.

- And who are you exactly?

- Well, I'm from out of town.

- Yeah, I could have
guessed all that.

[both laugh]

- Yeah, I was just
passing through,

and I am looking

for my long-lost cousin
Josie Carson.

- Your cousin?
Mm-hmm.

- I've never been
to the old homestead,

and I am having so much trouble
getting a hold of her.

Maybe you could point me
in the right direction.

- To where?
- To Josie.

- Well, I'm gonna imagine
that if Josie wanna be found,

she'll be found.

[chuckling]

- Pretty please.

- Now, listen.

I know all
about you paparazzis.

- Oh, no, sir.

No cameras here.

No, just family love.

- How about
I give her a message?

Do you have a name,
or do you just go by cousin?

- Okay, fine.
I'm not her cousin.

I'm her agent.
- Oh, you're her agent!

Why didn't you just say
that you were her agent?

- I don't know.

- Is that supposed
to impress me?

- Listen,
Josie has been gone for days,

and I have been making up
millions of lies

to protect her.

And I am running out
of excuses, so--

- If you're what
she ran away from,

then I ain't the man
to help you out.

♪ ♪

- Well, I am gonna find her.

Oh, I am really good
at what I do.

- I'm sure you are.

- And when I put my mind
to something, sir,

I am unstoppable.

[banging on window]

Open the door!

♪ ♪

- Okay, as much as you can get.

Come on, come on,
come on, come on.

There, that's good.
Careful, careful.

I think Belle's gonna b*at you.

Over the edge now.
- That's disgusting.

- Hey, come on,
come on, come on.

- Why do you encourage them?

- 'Cause I bring the awesome.

- You better bring
the paper towels.

Yeah, 'cause you have
to clean it up.

- That's right.

- Kids, we got to go.
- Dang it.

- Backpacks, chop-chop.

- Come on.
- Thanks.

- The kids asked me to invite
you over for fruitcake.

- Why, do they hate me?

- Hey, my fruitcake is
actually pretty dang good.

- Well, I suppose
I'm willing to take the chance

just this one time
for the kids.

- Come over tomorrow
when you close.

- Wouldn't miss it
for the world.

♪ ♪

- Josie.
- [groans]

- Honey, we're here.

- How did you find me?
- Ay, mamita.

What have you been
conditioning with, sand?

- Everything's
gonna be okay now.

- The Botox is wearing off.

- I know.

- Why in the hell
did you bring them?

- Well, I didn't know
how bad it was gonna be

when we found you.

- So you brought me
an emergency beauty crew?

- There could be photographers.

- Oh.

Kids, get in the car.

- Is this lady your friend?

- Even better.

I'm her agent.

- A secret agent?
- I said, get in the car.

- What's going on, Josie?

- Your auntie is a very,
very important person.

- I'm not their aunt.
- What does she mean?

- You don't know who she is?

They don't know who you are?

- Who are you?

- Your auntie is a very
famous country music singer.

Fritz!

- ♪ When I die,
I may not go to heaven... ♪

- What?

- Okay, okay.

- Wait.
You're famous?

- I'm still just Josie.

Nothing changes that, y'all.

Anna, I promise I can explain.

- Come on, guys.
Let's go.

- Wait!

- We wanna meet
Josie's friends.

- Yeah.
- No.

Josie said to go
get in the car.

- Oh, please.
- Come on.

Let's go.

[somber music]

- You didn't have to do that.

- Honey, they were gonna
find out eventually.

- Anna.

- She's gonna be fine.

- She's just a little shiny.

♪ ♪

- So if you're big star,
are you rich?

- Your skin is
your largest organ.

You have to feed it.

- It's not hungry
right now, Chai.

- Are you rich enough
to go to space?

- Well, I don't know.
Maybe.

- Well, would you
rather go to space

where you have to live
on Mars for a year

or get a planet named
after you

but you have
to shave your head?

- Mars.

But would I have
to take Veronica?

- I can hear you.

- Fritz said he'll
dye my hair purple.

- Fritz, you dye her hair,
you die.

- You don't have
to be so snippy.

- Listen, you two,
I'm still just Josie.

I sing my songs like
I do on the front porch

just with a little more lights,
fancy makeup, and costumes.

- Guys,
stop annoying Josie please.

- They're not annoying me.

I'm sure you have
questions too, Anna.

- Even if I ask them,
why would I think

you'd tell me the truth?

- I guess that's fair.

You're just gonna
have to trust me.

- [scoffs]
- Okay.

Say whatever you wanna say.

- You're a liar.

You had all these people
out looking for you,

and you didn't even care?

Is that what it's like
to be famous?

You can just treat everyone
like they don't matter?

- I didn't tell you who I was
because I wasn't sure

I wanted
to be that person anymore.

- You said we had
until Christmas.

- Wait.

We're not staying
until Christmas?

- I have to go back.
People are depending on me.

- We're depending on you.

- I don't wanna leave.

- I'm so sorry.

- Why do you have
to be so mean?

♪ ♪

- Just leave us alone.

You don't really care anyway.

♪ ♪

- Children are so resilient.

- Yeah.

- Okay, great.

I haven't had a beer
since high school.

It's cute.

Let's talk schedule.

We have to get back now.

You are under contract
for that Christmas special.

- I know.

- And everything has
been on hold for you,

but they're not
gonna hold anymore.

I'll talk to Anna.
She needs to start packing.

- I know.

- We gotta get those kids
into the proper care.

Great, great.

All right,
let's talk reentry strategy.

- What strategy?

- Well, you're just
coming out of rehab,

so people are gonna talk.

- I'm not in rehab.

- I know that, but I had
to cover for you somehow.

- And you picked rehab?

- I didn't say dr*gs.

I said you were recovering
from an injury.

- You didn't have to lie.

- Nobody is interested
in the story of a country star

whining about how
she's universally adored.

- I can't be
an interesting story anymore.

I just wanna sing my songs.

- But you have been
in this industry

way longer than I have,
and you know

that's not how
this game is played.

- Then maybe
I won't play it at all.

- Okay.

Let's tell that story.

You wanna hide out
here forever, great.

I'm not gonna tell.

But somebody
around here is gonna snitch

for a few dollars,
and then the press descends.

And then they're hiding
in the bushes,

and they're following
those kids to school

because the world
wants answers.

And if you won't talk,

they're just gonna
make them up.

Maybe it was dr*gs after all.

Right?

I mean, you were
acting awfully erratic.

Anybody on that Christmas
special set will back that up.

I can see the headlines.

"Drugged up Diva Kidnaps
Rocky Mountain Ragamuffins."

Yeah, they will
keep coming for you,

and they will be spinning
uglier and uglier lies

until you and those kids
feel like you're rats

trapped in a fishbowl.

- What?

- It's worse than fish
because the rats just drown.

♪ ♪

Is that what you want for those
innocent little sweethearts?

- No, no.

- Do you trust me, Josie?

- I trust you.

- Then we don't have a problem.

[soft guitar music]

- Cletus, six-letter word
for cartoon beagle.

Snoopy!

[laughs]
That's it, Snoopy.

It's funny 'cause you're dog.

I need a 12-letter word
for odiferous gift.

- Frankincense.

- I knew you would know.

[laughs]

All right.

You need another knob
for the stove?

- No.

- Need some propane?

- No.

- You wanna talk about
what's going on with Josie.

Come on.

- Those Hollywood
folks are here,

and they're gonna drag her off.

And I know she wants to stay.
- Hm.

- But they're gonna try
to get all up on her head

with their big old black SUV
and giant sunglasses,

but she loves those kids.

She loves that old house.
- Hm.

And you're hoping
that she loves you too.

Mm-hmm.

And you want her
to stay just for you,

just forget about all
the success and hard work.

Then again,
you probably haven't asked what

she wants, now, have you?

I need a four-letter word
for the feeling of expectation.

- Hope.

- Now, that's something
that we could all use.

Don't you think?

[chuckling]

- Thank you, Mr. Peterson.

Thank you, Cletus.

- Mr. Peterson?

Oh, Mr. Peterson,
like I'm an old man.

Like, have you seen you?

- Come in.

- [sighs]

I've been working on a song.

♪ You don't
make me feel better ♪

♪ But the cold,
stormy weather ♪

♪ It's the same way
I feel in my heart ♪

Oh, that ain't right.

[soft guitar music]

I'm gonna make sure
that this all comes out right.

- Great.

- I mean it.
I mean it, Anna.

- I don't expect
anything from you.

♪ ♪

- I really care
about the three of you.

I do.

- Just not enough.

♪ ♪

Shut the door please.

♪ ♪

- ♪ You'll always be
in my heart ♪

♪ Merry Christmas ♪

♪ Wherever you are ♪

Oh.

♪ ♪

- Okay, Josie, we leave
for LA tomorrow morning.

- What?

So soon?

- And don't worry
about that cranky chicken.

I've declared the set
a critter free zone.

- ♪ Another
Christmas morning ♪

- I'll check on you soon, okay?

- Thank you, Josie.

- They told me you're gonna
be just a little while

at the care center.

Then after that,
they got a great family

you're gonna stay with.

- Yeah.
- Okay.

- I made them promise
to keep you together.

- I had the best time with you.

- I'm gonna check on you.

♪ ♪

- We're gonna be okay.
- Okay.

♪ ♪

All right.

♪ ♪

- Hey, kids.

Who wants to come turn
the siren on, huh?

- Come on, guys.
Let's go.

- Oh.

- ♪ Guess there's
nothing for it ♪

♪ Long as we're apart ♪

- Anna--

- ♪ The pain that
Christmas morning brings ♪

♪ ♪

- Okay, here we go, kids.

- Goodbye, miss you.

Love you.

- Love you!

- You're safe.

both! Bye!

- ♪ Tears for Christmas ♪

- I love you.

- ♪ Heartbreak's
here to stay ♪

♪ ♪

♪ But love is blind ♪

♪ You haunt my mind
every single day ♪

♪ ♪

Guess I'll hit the diner.

Grab a cup of Joe.

Hey.
- Hey.

- ♪ Darlene is always good
for sage advice ♪

♪ She'll tell me,
quit your whining ♪

♪ Don't let
your feelings show ♪

♪ She's been around
the circuit once or twice ♪

♪ But I can't help but wonder ♪

♪ Where you are today ♪

♪ I wonder if I'll
even cross your mind ♪

♪ Or have you flown
so high now ♪

♪ That you can't see your way ♪

♪ Back to the one true love
you'll ever find? ♪

both: ♪ Tears for Christmas,
heartache's here to stay ♪

♪ But love ain't blind ♪

♪ You're on my mind
every single day ♪

- ♪ Every day ♪

Oh.

- Yeah, baby.

- Well...

They're gone.

- You poor thing.

And how did you get away
from your movie star wranglers?

- I crawled out
the basement door.

- Ha!

- You think I'm kidding.
- No.

But that don't make it
any less funny.

- I'm leaving tomorrow.

- Well, thanks
for telling me this time.

- You know,
they don't have anyone.

- I wondered about that.

- I said they could stay
through Christmas.

And now I'm a liar.

- Where are they?

- They're in a group home.

I didn't have a choice, did I?

Everyone out there
is depending on me.

- What about everyone here?

♪ ♪

My love.

- I can't do this.
I can't.

I can't do this.
I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

♪ ♪

- What's the best time
to get married?

On a Wed-nesday
like a Wednesday.

- Belle, look.

[chuckles]

♪ ♪

[soft music]

- That looks nice, honey.

Are we expecting company?

- Oh, I set a place
for all of them.

It's become a habit.

- It's only been a few days.

You're gonna have to heal.

Are you sure you're ready
to go back to work?

- Well, I don't think
I have a choice.

You ever heard
of a funny little thing

called contractual obligation?

- Oh, please,
how do you think I got

out of
"According to Jim in Space?"

That's what lawyers are for.

- Ugh.

- Did I do the right thing?

- I wish I had
an answer for you.

- Artist.

Time for some holiday magic.

- Can you take some
of that magic?

You can make her disappear.

Please?

- I can hear you, you know.

- Oh, hi.

So good to see you.

♪ ♪

- Yeah, Josie,
you had a question?

- I was told
I'd be reading an excerpt

from "The Night
Before Christmas."

- Oh, yeah.

- And where is this that I'm
supposed to be reading it?

- In the future.

The Earth has
become a wasteland,

and the few humans left have
taken the tour in the cosmos

as they try to cobble together
moments of Christmas past

from space debris.

- These pages are blank.

- Oh, yeah,
don't worry about that.

Just hold it up.
Nobody cares.

- Okay, fine.
Who am I reading to?

- Bring in the kids!

- Final touches.

- No little baby flyaways.

- This is good.
This is what we wanted.

- Lips.

All right, we're good.
- Hair and makeup stepping out.

- Stepping out.
- Knock 'em dead.

- Okay,
let's get ready to roll.

All right, everyone, settle in.

Think space thoughts.

[Frightened Rabbit's "It's
Christmas So We'll Stop"]

♪ ♪

Josie, come on, focus.

♪ ♪

Ready and action!

- I can't do this.

- Josie.

Don't you dare.

- I'm sorry.

They need me,
and I need them too.

- Josie.

Josie.

- Josie.

Josie.

- ♪ Red suits and faces
will radiate ♪

♪ And the cold
will hide its face ♪

- I thought you were gonna
pick the kids up for me.

- Josie, there's something
you have to know.

- Did they say
I can't have them?

I never should have left them.

I'll get lawyers.
We'll fight it.

- Anna's run away.

- What? How?

- She snuck out
of the group home.

- [sighs]

I can't breathe.
- David and Belle are okay.

The caregivers made up
a story about how Anna

had to go on some kind
of school field trip,

so they don't know.

- This is my fault.

What if something's
happened to her?

- No one matching
Anna's description

has showed up in any
of the local area hospitals.

There's no police report.

She's an incredibly smart
and resourceful young girl.

She's gonna be fine.
We'll find her.

- Just drive fast.

- ♪ Ah, it's Christmas,
so press pause on the remote ♪

- Excuse me, have either one
of you seen this girl?

Well, if you do, would you
tell her to call this number?

Have either one
of you seen this girl?

♪ ♪

Hey, let's stop
at that bus stop.

♪ ♪

Oh, God, let's go.

- ♪ It's Christmas,
so we'll stop ♪

- Anna, Anna.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I thought
you were someone else.

- ♪ I called you
on Christmas Eve ♪

♪ In fact,
forget the entire year ♪

♪ Don't reflect ♪

- Grocery stores.

- What?

- We need to go
to grocery stores.

- What, are you hungry?
- No.

We need to see
if she got another job

at a grocery store.

Yeah.
- Right.

♪ ♪

- Have you seen this girl?

♪ ♪

- Looks like they're closed.

♪ ♪

- ♪ And I'll protect you,
I promise I will ♪

- Well, let's
keep driving then.

- ♪ Will be just like
Christmas with fewer toys ♪

♪ You're a good girl,
and I'm a good boy ♪

♪ Or so I thought ♪

- Hi.

♪ ♪

- Anna.

- Josie?

- Oh.

♪ ♪

- Are you okay?

- Why should you care?

Don't you have, like, a red
carpet to walk or something?

- What are you thinking?

What would Belle and David
ever do without you?

- I guess I just thought,
if I left,

they'd have a better chance
of being adopted.

- It's the craziest thing
I've ever heard in my life.

I can't decide if I want
to hug your neck or wring it.

- I'm sorry.
Please don't be mad at me.

- I'm not mad at you, baby.

You look tired.
Are you dehydrated?

You drink enough water?

- Yes, I'm drinking
enough water.

- Hush, let me fuss
over you for just a minute.

Oh, God.

- What was I supposed to do?
We don't have anybody.

- You have me.

- No, we don't.
You're just gonna leave again.

- I shouldn't have done that.

Come here.

I shouldn't have done it.

- You can't leave us again.

- Okay, baby.

- Okay.

- I mean it.

Never again.

♪ ♪

- Ms. Carson, they need you
to set in two minutes.

[soft music]

♪ ♪

- What do you two think?

- Perfection.
- Flawless.

- Then I guess I'm ready.

Ready as I'll never be.

Ah, I'm a little nervous.

- Oh, it's just live TV.
Think of it like a concert.

- With just millions
of people watching.

- Every cowgirl's dream, right?

- Mm, I can't believe
you put this together so fast.

- Well, at first,
I thought you were absolutely

bat poop crazy, but who knew?

The network thinks
"Front Porch Christmas"

will appeal to middle America.

I myself try to steer clear
of anything in the middle.

I prefer the top.

Okay, it's time.

- I hope I don't pass out.

- Do you trust me, Josie?

- Yes.

- Then we don't have a problem.

Break a leg.

- All right,
so we're almost ready to go.

I'm gonna give you
a countdown, okay?

- Okay.

- This is gonna be special.

♪ ♪

Okay, we're live
in three, two...

[cheers and applause]

- Thank you.

Thank you.

[feedback whines]

Good evening, everybody.

Welcome to
"Front Porch Christmas."

My memal sure would
have gotten a kick

out of y'all being
at her house.

Before we start, I just want
to take a moment to say

thank you to all my fans.

I know these last few weeks
have been a little strange.

There's some rumors out there
that I kind of lost my way.

I think I did, maybe not in
the way the tabloids want you

to believe, but I was
heading in a direction

that wasn't true to my heart.

So I came home,

right here at this house
where I grew up.

What I learned is that home
is about love and family.

And home will bring you back
to where you're supposed to be,

your best you.

That's my Christmas
wish this year.

May you find your best you,
may you find loving family,

and I hope this Christmas you
all find your way back home.

♪ I had no reason ♪

♪ For shopping this season ♪

♪ But I hung
your stocking today ♪

♪ ♪

♪ It makes me feel better ♪

- Action, Keaton.
- ♪ Though we're not together ♪

♪ You'll always be
in my heart ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Merry Christmas
wherever you are ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Since it was Christmas ♪

♪ I thought you might call ♪

♪ Or have
you stopped thinking ♪

♪ About me at all ♪

♪ ♪

♪ It'd be a perfect
white Christmas ♪

♪ A storybook picture ♪

♪ If I could just
share it with you ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Though you're not here
with me ♪

♪ I've got your memory ♪

♪ It keeps me going ♪

♪ Sweetheart ♪

♪ Merry Christmas
wherever you are ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Merry Christmas ♪

♪ Wherever you are ♪

[cheers and applause]

Merry Christmas.

♪ Jingle bells, jingle
bells, jingle all the way ♪

♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride ♪

♪ In a one-horse open sleigh ♪

♪ ♪

All right!

[cheers and applause]

Thank you.

Before we go, I'd like to
give y'all a little surprise.

I'm so pleased
to introduce you to my family.

Come on, kids.
- Go, go, go, go.

- Get out here right now.

This is Belle, this is David,
and this is Anna.

Say hi, y'all.

- Hi.

- I'm gonna take a step back
to work on this new project.

But don't think for one second
that I'm forgetting my fans.

I'm not going away.
I promise.

Y'all say Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.
all: Merry Christmas.

- Good night, everybody.
God bless you.

[cheers and applause]

- That is a cut.

We are out.

- Congratulations.
- Thank you.

- I have a question for you.
- What's that?

- Would you rather be more
famous than Santa Claus

and all of the reindeer--

- What would I have to do?

- Trick question.

You're already famous.

- What's my other choice?

- Or you get all the hugs
and kisses forever and ever...

[soft music]

But you have to be our mama.

♪ ♪

- You wanna call me mama?

- No.

What I mean
is that you're special,

so you deserve a special
name just for you.

- Well, you sing so pretty
like a bird,

so how about Birdie?

- I think it's
just about perfect.

- You're my Birdie.

- Oh.

- Okay, let's hug.
- Let's hug.

- You're squishing me!

- Sorry.
Okay, it's cold.

Let's go inside.
- Come on.

[laughs]

- Hey, Keaton, come here.

Did you get that
present for Josie?

♪ ♪

Ooh, sophisticated.

I think she's gonna like it.

- I got a whole plan
for Christmas morning.

Let's go get
some hot chocolate.

- Yay.

- Hi.
- Hey.

- Hey.

- You were wonderful.

- Oh, thank you.

- You were.

- Thank you, Keaton.

- Josie.

- Hm?

- You're home.

- I know.

- ♪ The world
looks so pretty ♪

♪ That ain't the pretty
I need ♪

- Kids, who wants fruitcake?

- Me.
- I want it.

- I'm gonna have more than you.
- No, you're not.

I'm gonna eat way
more than you.

- You have to eat
all the raisins.

- What?

Why do I have to eat
all the raisins?

[metal clattering]
I'm okay!

- I'm okay!

- ♪ Please take me home ♪

♪ 'Cause it's
almost Christmas ♪

♪ I've been alone ♪

♪ Far too long ♪

♪ And I'm almost home ♪

♪ And it's almost Christmas ♪

♪ Leave a light on
'cause I'm coming... ♪
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