02x10 - Indestructible Henry, Part 1

[bunniefuu]

[ music ]

[ beeping ]

- Hi! We're here! - Especially me! - Oh! Captain Man and Kid Danger! I'm so glad to see you! We're so scared! - I am Jafoon! - Well, hi, Jafoon.

I'm Captain Man.

This is my sidekick, Kid Da-- - Can we please meet Jafoon later? - Right.

- 'kay, what's the emergency?!? - Yeah, tell us what's going on! - Okay, okay! I was here, working with Jafoon-- - I'm Jafoon! - And and I got a phone call from some weirdo who said there was a C-five disrupter somewhere in my store! - A C-five disrupter? - Is that bad? - Well, on a scale of C-one to C-ten, it's about a five.

- Wh What does that mean? - That it could destroy this entire store! [ screams ]

- Kid Danger, call the police! - On it! - Ma'am, you and Jafoon have to get outta here! - I am Jafoon! - We know! - Come on! - Did you get the police? - Nah, it went to voice-mail.

- Ah, just hang up! [ beeping intensifies ]

- Ah, it's so loud! - Yeah, that's the C-five disrupter! - Well, we got to find it before it blows! - Kid, we gotta get outta here! - Wait! - What are you doing? That's it! That's the C-five disrupter! - Well, how do we turn it off? - Oh come on! - We're running out of time! - Ah! There! Open the window.

I'll throw it into the alley! - It's stuck! - Ah! Move, Kid! - Man, that's a quality window.

- I can't turn it off! - Let's get out of here! - Waaaaaaait! - Whaaaaaaaat? - I lefffftttt my phoooone in theeeerrrreee! - Ohhhhh, maaaaaaan! - I gotttttaaaaa gooooo geettttt iiiiiiittt! - Noooooo! Juuusssttt buyyyyy a neeeewwww phooooooone! - Buuutttt I haaaaven't baaacked uuuuppp myyyy contaaaaacts! - D'ahhhhh! Aaalriight!!! Goooo geeettt yooouuurrr phoooone! - Oookaayy - Yooouuuu reeeaaaalllyy shooouuuuld hurrrrryyyy! - IIIII gooottttt iiiiiiiit! - Greeeaaaaat! Noowwww huuuuuuuu-- - Kid? - My phone's okay.

[ glass breaks ]

- Noooooooo!!! - It all just kind of happened.

- My dad was an irresponsible scientist.

- I wanted an after-school job.

- And by accident, he made me indestructible.

Ah! - I went into this crazy store met a pretty interesting guy - I'm going to blow your mind.

Now I protect the good citizens of Swellview who call me - And he turned out to be - You know the name.

- Captain Man! - That's right, Henry.

In time, I realized that being a superhero's a lot to handle alone.

- He wanted some help.

- I needed a sidekick.

- I, Henry Hart - Pledge to never ever ever tell anyone - That I'm Captain Man's secret sidekick.

- It is done.

- Now we blow bubbles.

- And fight crime.

- Feels good.

- Call it.

- Up the tube! Oh, my boot.

- Ah! - Aw.

This is all my fault.

I mean, if it wasn't for me, this never would have happened to Henry.

I caused this.

I'm to blame.

- Yeah.

- Okay does that hurt? - Nah, it tickles! - I know, I do it to myself sometimes.

- Come on, Schwoz! You've been examining Henry for twenty minutes, will you say something? - Will you order me a corned beef sandwich? - Schwoz! - What? - Is Henry gonna be okay? - I think so.

- Oh thank god.

I'll take tuna salad on whole wheat.

- Hey - What? - I'm not gonna get anybody any sandwiches.

- I don't mean to interrupt, but my butt still hurts.

- What's funny? - He said "but my butt".

- Now Henry, pull your knees forward a bit.

- Okay.

- Now try to wiggle your hips.

- More wiggle.

- More? - Yeah.

Wiggle them like you're a hula dancer, trying really hard to get a hula job.

- Ow! Ow! Ah! - Well? - Henry has a dislocated buttock.

- What? - Well, how do we fix him? It you know, the buttock.

- You, grab his ankles.

Charlotte and I will grab his wrists.

- Wait, what? That doesn't What's going to happen here? - On two, everyone yank and shake.

- Yank and shake? That doesn't sound good at all.

- One, two.

What are you doi-- Ow! Ow! Oh my god! - Uhhh Piper? - I'm busy.

- Yeah.

Uhhh - Heyyy.

- Oh hi, Piper's cooking dinner.

Is that a new jacket? - Yeah, I saw it at Sunderland's and I just-- Piper's cooking dinner?! - Shhhhh! - Why is she cooking dinner? What's going on? - She wants to get on that TV show, Junior Chefs, so she's practicing and she wants us to eat her food.

- Well, I'm gettin' out of here.

- You can't leave me here with her all by myself! - Do I need to remind you what happened at our anniversary party two years ago when Piper made dinner for everyone? - Soo How's everyone enjoying their dinner? - Edible.

- So good.

- Wonderful.

- Terrific.

- Uh, Piper, will you run to the garage and make sure that I turned off my car? - Mmm! - Uh, sure.

- What happened? - Piper made dinner! - Piper cooked food?! And you ate it? Don't you guys remember what happened when Piper made the cake for my tenth birthday party? [ gagging ]

- Why would you let Piper feed us again after our anniversary party disaster? - That was two years ago! Maybe she's a better cook now! - Fine, you take that risk.

- You are not leaving this house! I'm not going to let you go! - You're being childish! No! I can't do this! - Almost got it - Ahhhhh! [ cr*ck ]

- Ahh! Woo.

I think it worked.

- Do you feel any pain? - Nope.

Thanks guys.

You re-located my buttock.

- Hey, I'm sorry you got hurt, Kid.

- C'mon, it wasn't your fault.

I'm the one who ran back in the store.

- I know, but you're just a kid.

What right do I have to take you around with me, and put you in all kinds of dangerous situations? - Hey, I wanted this job.

And you need a sidekick.

- I know but maybe it's too risky.

- You take the risks.

- I'm indestructible.

- I wish we could make Henry indestructible.

- Yeah.

Too bad the machine that made me indestructible was destroyed.

- What are you talking about? The densitizer was never destroyed.

- Yes it was, remember? The accident that destroyed the machine? - Why are you talking to me like this? The machine is downstairs! - Geez, what do you not understand about this look? - It means lie! I wanted you to lie! Why won't you lie? - You lied to us? - Noooooo.

Right, Schwoz? I could show you the machine right now.

- Ray, the densitizer's been here the whole time I've known you? - Yes, it has.

- Then why can't Henry be densitized? - Yeah, why can't I be indestructible like you? - You want to know why? - Yeah.

- You really wanna know why? - I do.

- 'Cuz I'll show ya.

I'll take you to the densitizer right now.

I'll show you the machine that changed everything if that's what you really want.

- That'd be great.

- Okay, let's go.

- 'kay.

- This is the Room of Storage.

- So, where's the machine that made you indestructible? - Right over there.

Schwoz, pull off the tarp.

- Aye.

- This is the trans-molecular densitizer.

- Ughhh Can someone please help me? - So, this is really the thing that made you indestructible? - Yeah.

Waaaay back when.

I remember it like a well-edited video - Daddy! Daddy! Whoa! Whoa! - Raymond! - Son! Are you alright? - Yeah! I feel great! - God, I was a handsome kid.

- Okay, come on! Let's fire this thing up and make me indestructible! - No! - Hey, I can't get out of this tarp! - Why can't we make Henry indestructible? - Because it won't work.

- Why not? If it worked on you, it should work on me.

- That's what my dad thought.

But it didn't.

After that made me indestructible, my dad and his team of scientists tried it on other people.

- And what happened? - You want to know what happened? - Yeah.

- Do you really want to know? - I do.

- 'Cuz I'll show ya.

I'll take you over there and I'll show you what-- - Just show us! Just show us! - Okay, let's go.

- Oww D'ahhh I'm having trouble breathing! - What is that? - This is a VHS tape.

It's how humans used to store videos.

You need to watch this.

- Okay.

Uh, where do I tap? - I don't even see a screen.

- Ohhhhh, I know-I know - Give me that! Now, after I was made indestructible as a kid, my father tried the same process on three other men.

- So, what happened to those guys? - Did they become indestructible? - Oh no.

But the machine did change them.

- How? - You want to know? - Yeah.

- You really want to know? 'Cuz I'll show you-- - Oh my god! - Stop that! - Here's what happened to Dave Macallan.

[ garbled screams ]

- Who's making that noise? - Watch.

- Ah geez! - Turn that off! - Here's what happened to John Walker.

- Ah! Ah! Ah! Why are they feet? - That's just wrong.

That's just wrong.

- And here's what the machine did to Glen Livet.

- He looks okay.

- Sure.

Until a little arm comes out of his ear and pokes him in the eye.

- Oh come on! - That can't happen.

- Owwwww!!! D'ohhhh! Make it stop! Ow! Ow! Please god, make it owstop! - All right.

All right.

- Press stop! - Ah.

.

Uh - Now you see why the densitizer can never be used again? - But if it worked on you, why'd it do such awful things to those other guys? - No one knows.

Well, I've got tickets to go see Loggins and Messina.

Lock the door when you leave.

- Well too bad.

- Yeah.

Do you know how cool it'd be if I was indestructible? - Y'know what? I say you can be made indestructible.

- How? - I have a theory.

Come, I tell you out there.

- Cool.

Hey Charlotte, let's go! - No! - Charlotte-- - I do not wanna see you grow a face in your belly button! - Just listen to what I have to s-- - I can't hear you! bloobidy-bloobidy-bloobidy bloobidy-bloobidy-bloobidy - You see, when Ray went into the densitizer, he was a young boy, just like Henry is a young boy.

- Right, right, and the other three guys they tried it on, when it failed, were grownups.

- They were grownups.

Now they're mutant freaks.

- Charlotte come on - I'm not gonna sit beside you in science class if you have arms comin' out of your ears tryin' to poke you.

- Listen.

I've seen the security tapes.

Not only was Ray a young boy when he was densitized he was also on a skat-board.

- A skat-board? - Yeah, you know, a board with the twirly wheels on the bottom.

- He means skate board.

- Yah, skaeet board.

- Right.

He was moving.

- Yeah! So, I think if we re-create that same motion, with a boy who's not yet a grownup, like Henry, the machine will work on him the same way it worked on Ray when he was a boy.

What you think? - I say we go for it.

- Yes! Yes! Yes! I go prep the machine! - Alright.

Char, let's go! - No.

- Come on! If this works, I'll be the best sidekick any superhero ever had! - And if it doesn't work, you might end up with eyeballs on your butt.

Have fun in the bathroom! - Pfft, nah.

Schwoz is a genius.

He thinks it'll work.

- Then you go play with Schwoz I'm not movin' from this chair.

- Man, I gotta start sittin' on things that don't roll.

- Okay, dinner's ready! - Oh yay.

- But Henry's not here, we can't eat dinner without Henry.

Henry's not here.

- I wonder where he is.

- Maybe he got hit by a bus! Let's all go check the hospitals! - No! We're gonna eat my dinner now.

- Hey, sorry to bother you guys, but do you have any dog treats? - Why would we have dog treats? - And what are you doing with those dogs anyway? - Oh, my neighbor's paying me ten bucks to walk them every day.

But they seem hungry so I was wondering if you--whoa! - Ahhhhhh!!! - Noooo! - Wait! No, no, no! Retreat! - No.

Bad! Bad dogs! - Bad dogs! Sooo bad! - Hey! Get away from my food! - Obey me! I'm the alpha male! - Ooh I'm so upset this is happening! - That is not okay! - John! Paul! George! Spock! Outside! Sorry.

- Well, it's too bad that your dinner was ruined.

- Yeah, I guess you'll probably never want to cook again.

- Noooo, we're doing this again tomorrow night.

I'm cooking dinner, and I want everyone in this family at this table, ready to eat at seven PM sharp.

- I'll be here! - Okay Henry.

Are you ready? - Yeah.

- Is there any way I can talk you guys out of this? - Nope.

- Okay, Henry - Now don't forget to say: "Hey Daddy! Daddy! Whoooaaaaa!" Hey daddy-daddy-whoa.

Got it.

- Okay Background and action! - Hey Daddy! Daddy! Whoooaaaaa - Henry! You okay? How do you feel? - I I don't know.

I mean, it felt like the inside of my body was on fire, but like in a good way, ya know? - Well, do you think you're indestructible? - I don't know.

Maybe we should test-- - Owwwww! - Did that hurt?!? - Well, yeah, you cracked me over the head with a bat! Hey hey it stopped hurting.

- Really?! No scratches, no bump, no throbbing? - Nope! - And no side-effects? - Nope! I'm okay! - Oh my god, you're indestructible! - Yeah, I am! Woooo! You did it! - Oh We gotta go tell Ray! - Oh.

No! No! He's at the moosic show.

- Ooo, I know! We'll come back to work tomorrow, and Schwoz'll break another bat over my head in front of Ray.

- Okay! - Yah, that's good! - Hey hey - Can I? Just for fun? - Whack me.

- Heh? Heh? - Wow! - Haha! I'm a genius! - What? [ alarm beeping ]

- all right Swellview, it's Mojo in the morning.

I'm Mojo, and as always, sitting next to me is my co-host, Dangl and it's time to start the Saturday Morning Sillies.

And here we go.

First joke of the morning: What did Jay-Z call his wife before they got married? - I don't know, what? - Fiancee! - Ha ha Ah! - Oh man.

This is not goooooood.