02x12 - Meet the Evilmans

[bunniefuu]

- Fry interception!

- Jerk kick!
- Oww! Oh...

Hey, Jay Jay, why isn't
the ketchup workin'?

- Ketchup's offline.

Table had
a splat-tastrophe.

- Max what are you doing?

You can't use your powers
to get that ketchup.

People will see you.

I'll get it.

- You are such a scaredy cat.

And a chicken.

You're a chicken-cat.

- Hey, I am not scared, okay?

I eat food out of
mystery tubes.

- Then use your powers,
chicken-cat.

[clucking]

[meowing]

- Ha, who's
the chicken-cat now?

- Why don't you ask the guy who
just saw you use your powers?

- What do I do?
- Fix it.

- I know--I'll just live
under this table forever.

Send money and clothes.

- No, go over there
and make him un-see it.

- Okay, fine,
he saw my superpowers,

now he's gonna see
my girly powers.

- Hm...

- [blowing air]

[blowing more air]

- Hi. So, did you, uh,
see my little magic trick there?

I've got a million of 'em.

Oh!

- That's cool.
Hey, can you do this?

- No, I cannot.

- My name's Link and
I have superpowers like you.

- [chair scraping]

- Way to fix
things, Phoebe.

- ♪

♪ What you see ♪

♪ Is not what you get ♪

♪ Livin' our lives
with a secret ♪

♪ We fit right in ♪

♪ Bet you never guessed ♪

♪ 'Cause we're
livin' our lives ♪

♪ Just like all the rest ♪

♪ A picture
perfect family ♪

♪ Is what we try to be ♪

♪ Look closer,
you might see ♪

♪ The crazy things we do ♪

♪ This isn't
make believe ♪

♪ It's our reality ♪

♪ Just your average family ♪

♪ Trying to be normal
and stay out of trouble ♪

♪ Livin' a double life ♪

- Once I hack into the database,

we'll know exactly
who this Link guy is.

- I can't believe there's
somebody else

with powers in Hiddenville--

and with such
a super cute smile.

- [gasping] You're not gonna
believe who his father is.

Dad's greatest enemy.

- PHOEBE: Evilman?
- MAX: Evilman!

- Ach, I thought his greatest
enemy was skinny jeans.

- Evilman is Link's dad.
This is awful.

Dad hates Evilman.

- That's 'cause he's
the one supervillain

your father could
never b*at.

Every fight ended in tie
and a city being destroyed.

Those were the days.

- Dad's just jealous of
Evilman's awesome laugh.

- EVILMAN:
[high-pitched laughter]

- HANK: [screaming]

Where is he?

I hear Evilman's
stupid laugh.

- Uh, Evilman?
No, no, no.

Uh, that was just me
trying to find

my signature
supervillain laugh.

So what do you
think of this?

Ha. Ha. Ha.

- I like that.
But not the other one.

That laugh, and anything
to do with Evilman,

is forbidden in this house.

- I've never seen him
move that fast.

- Or get that mad.

So, when are you
goin' out with Link?

- Are you crazy?
I'm cancelling right now.

- No, Phoebe, you've
gotta go out with him.

Then me and his dad
can become evil besties

and I'll inherit
his ice base, huh?

Thirty acres of frozen evil.

It's the ultimate
supervillain lair.

- What's wrong with our lair?

- It smells like a pet store.

- Oh, Phoebe,
you just got b*rned.

- All right, it's done.

No super cutie for me.

- I'm not losing
my ice base.

"Hey, Link, J.K.

We're totes on for tomorrow."

Smiley. Wink. Heart.

Pft! Girls sound so dumb.

Now what am I gonna wear
to meet Evilman?

- Two hundred and eighty
thousand jumps.

Think you can b*at that?

- [powers zapping]

I guess we'll never know.

- [doorbell ringing]

- WOMAN ANNOUNCING: Alert!
Alert! Package delivered.

- [zooming]

- Whoa, a toy delivery?

- I can't wait to see
what it is.

I hope it is a jump rope.

- Cool. A remote-controlled
helicopter.

- Nora, the box says it's for
somebody named "Pete Fisher."

We can't open this.
We have to tell mom.

- Why do that when we can
just play with it first,

then put it back in the box
and nobody would ever know.

- Isn't that stealing?

- Not if I call you "Pete
Fisher" for the rest of the day.

- I don't know.
It doesn't sound right.

- Would you prefer "Peter"?

- I would!

- WOMAN ANNOUNCING:
Alert! Alert!

Son of Evilman approaching.

- Shhh, be cool,
Thunder monitor.

This dude has the key
to my ice base.

Phoebe, Overachievers of America
are at the door for you.

- Overachievers of America?
They're a week early.

Of course, they are.

Hey, Link. Link? Link!

- [door slams]

- What's he doing here?
How do I look?

Why did you do this?

- Ice base. Who cares?
Ice base.

- Max, you can't
let Evilman's son--

Hey!

Sorry about that.
Doors are weird.

- No worries.
I brought you a gift.

The ketchup that
brought us together.

- Aw...

- Phoebe, are you trying
to say, "Please come in."

- Uh-huh.

[laughing]
Come in.

- MAX: Yes!

I just really love ketchup.

- So, listen,
before we go out,

there's something
you should know.

The reason I have superpowers
is because my dad is...

Evilman.

- PHOEBE & MAX:
Wha-a-a-a-a-t?

- It's haunted me
my whole life.

But, trust me,
I'm nothing like my dad.

- Look, I believe you, but my
parents would never let me

go out with you if they knew
your dad is Evilman.

So we should just go.
- Okay.

I'll leave this here.

Your dad's Thunderman?!

- Keep your voice down.

- Oh, this is terrible.
My dad hates your dad.

Like hate-hates.

Like even more than
being woken up from naps.

- Our parents never
have to find out.

This is about you and me.

- And maybe an ice base.

- Oh. Hey, guys.
Who's this?

- Hey, Mom, this is Link.

- Hi, Link.
- Hi, I'm...I'm...I'm Link.

- Yes, I heard.

- Uh, we were
just goin' out.

- Oh, that must be your car
in the driveway.

Hank, Phoebe's going out
with a boy who has a car!

- [footsteps pounding]

- You were wrong before.

That's the fastest
he's ever moved.

- So, who do we have here?
- Link.

- Link.
- Link.

- Does Link have
a last name?

- Uh, Link Link.

- Link Link--so you're
named after a panda

and you wanna drive
my daughter around?

- Uh, yes, sir.

Uh, it's very nice to meet you,
sir, Mr. Thunder, sir.

- Hm, you're already
afraid of me.

We're off to a good start.

So, let's check out
this "car."

- Ahem!

- After I put on
some "pants."

Nice car, Link Link.
Got a rearview mirror?

'Cause you never know when
someone's following you.

Watching your every move.
- Ah!

Yeah, yeah, I got
a rearview mirror

and a side view mirror
and even a little mirror

inside the side view mirror.

Is that enough mirrors?
Please like me.

- Okay, Dad, I think Link
has passed your little test.

- You have nothing to
worry about, sir.

My dad even installed
an emergency G.P.S. button

that alerts him to my exact
location of the car

if it breaks down.
[laughing]

- Hm, your dad sounds
like a smart man.

I like him already.

- LINK:
[laughing]

- PHOEBE: [laughing weakly]

- [button beeps]
- See you soon, Evilman.

- What was that, Max?

- Uh, I said, let's see if Link
can pass the vision test...man.

- Good point. I'd hate to
see you get blindsided!

- You're doing great!

- On behalf of Captain Nora
and Co-pilot Peter Fisher,

thank you for choosing
ThunderAir.

- [helicopter blades whirring]

- We're flying!

Ah, we're crashing!

- Nobody panic!

- BARB: Max?
- It's Mom!

- Everybody panic!

- Hide the evidence!

- BILLY: [zooming]

- Aw, you look so cute.

Have you two seen a package?

Mr. Fisher from
down the street

said it was delivered
here by mistake.

- We haven't seen a thing,
have we, Billy?

- What helicopter?

- Well, Max swears
he didn't take it,

but I had to
double-check, you know.

Can't trust Max,
but I can trust you guys.

- [celebratory music]

- Congratulations.
Your first crime.

- [noisemaker whizzing]

- COLOSSO: [laughing]

- Crime?
We didn't commit a crime.

- Tell that to the cops
when they come

to take you away
for stealing.

They're gonna throw
the book at ya!

- They are?

I don't even like it when
books are handed to me.

- All we have to do
is fix the helicopter,

put it back in the box
and say we found it.

We'll be heroes.

- Congratulations,
your first cover-up!

- [noisemaker whizzing]

- COLOSSO: [laughing]

- [scanner blipping]

- Okay, Link, you have
my permission

to go out with Phoebe.

Clearly, you were
raised right.

- Okay, Max, as soon
as Evilman gets here,

just tell him
you're a big fan

and he's the father
you never had.

- [doorbell ringing]
- He's at our door?

I'll get it! I'll get it!
I'll get it!

Hi, I wanna fan
your father!

Oh, immature!

- Dad, what are you
doing here?

- Your car's emergency
alert went off.

I came here as fast
as I could.

- I wonder who pushed it?

- Come on in, Mr. Link.

- It's Evilman (Evilleman)

It's Mike Evilman,
thank you.

- Wait a minute.
You look familiar.

You're the mattress guy
from those commercials!

I'll put you down!

- BOTH: ♪ On the most comfy
mattress in town ♪

- Hank Thunderman.
Please, have a seat.

- Well, it's been a pleasure
talking to Link.

He seems like
a very good boy.

- Oh, yes, some might
say too good.

- I have the opposite
problem with my son.

You wanna trade?
- BOTH: [laughing]

- [high-pitched laugh]

- I know that laugh.

- No. No, you don't.

This is a person you're meeting
for the first time.

- You're Evilman!

[roaring]

- You're Thunderman!

[grunting]

- MAX, PHOEBE, LINK:
Uh-oh!

- BOTH: [snarling]
- No, no, no, no, no!

You two are not destroying
another one of my homes!

Or cities.

- Save your sparks,
Electriss.

Link and I were
just leaving.

- You're not leaving.
I am kicking you out!

Evilman's son, Phoebe?
Really?

Oh, you are never to
see that boy again!

- But he's super cutie!
- My ice base!

- Guess I should have waited
till I had my ice base

before I ordered
this ice furniture.

- Hey, Max, I know, uh,
you're pretty bummed,

so I brought you a sandwich.

- Aw, thanks, sis.

- You idiot!
Evilman was in our house!

- I know and the only
thing I could say was

"I wanna fan your father."

Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

- Not that--now dad
is freaking out

because his worst enemy
knows where we live.

He's calling the Hero League now
to find out what we should do.

- Oh, I know what
we shouldn't do.

Waste perfectly
good sandwiches!

I'm still gonna eat
that when you leave.

- You're also gonna cover for me

so I can go sneak out and see
Link one last time.

- After what happened,

how do you know he wants
to see you again?

- [sighing]

Aw...

[laughing]

- Okay, I'll do it for love.

- Really?
- Yeah.

The love of that ice base.
- I'll take it.

- So you're really
gonna help her?

- No.

I'm gonna rat out
those lovebirds.

Then dad will need Evilman
to track down Link's car

and I can finally meet him.

- Didn't you already
meet Evilman?

- That didn't count!

- Just melt this spinny thing
to the pointy thing

and we can stay out
of the jaily thing.

- [powers zapping]

Done. Let's make
sure it works.

- [helicopter blades whirring]

- I don't wanna be
Pete Fisher any more.

- Our intel indicates
that Evilman

has been retired
for over ten years

and poses no thr*at.

Has he done anything wrong?

- His son asked
my daughter out.

- Okay, this is the Hero League
emergency number, Thunderman,

not the Desperate Dad
Helpline.

- Well, what's that number?

- Oh, I have it right...here.

- Wait!

- Dad, Phoebe snuck out
to meet Link.

- What?

- But we've gotta find Evilman
so we can track down Link's car.

- Oh, he's probably
at his mattress store.

Thunderman, away!

- [plaster thuds]

- All right. I'm gettin'
a second chance.

You're Max Thunderman.

He's lucky to
be meeting you!

- I hate being
woken up from naps!

- Hi, I'm Carl Callaghan.

Where'd that even come from?

- Your evil spawn ran
off with my daughter.

- Impossible!

I told him to stay away from
that goody-two-shoes.

I'm putting an end
to this right now.

- Ho, not if I put
an end to it first!

- Um, I've got the phone

that can track down Link's
car and their location.

- I allow you to proceed.

- [silently]
Oh, thank you.

They're at some terribly-named
place called Splatburger.

- Thunderman, away!

- Evilman, rise!

- Max, catching the bus!

- Remember, we got rid
of the evidence.

So we're in the clear.
Just be cool.

- Don't worry. I am totally
cool under pressure.

- Freeze right there.
- Ahhhhh, they found us!

- I thought I heard
my little angels.

Oh, hello, officer.
What's going on?

- It's all my fault!

We lied and stole Pete Fisher's
toy then broke it.

- Then we fixed it.
- Then we blew it up.

- Then we buried
it out back.

- Please don't let him
take us to kid jail.

- Billy and Nora, I can't
believe you lied to me.

Officer, I am so sorry.
- I'm sorry, too, ma'am.

- That you're not
eating a hot dog!

- I know, I can expl--huh?

- I'm from the new
restaurant Cop Dog

and I'm here to protect
and serve you...

this coupon!

Have a hot doggity day.

- So, wonder who
made this mess?

- I'm gonna win this one.
- Yes.

No.
- No, you're not.

Thank you.
- Thanks.

Aw, they forgot the ice.

- Oh, I got this.
[blowing frigid air]

- Thanks.

- PHOEBE: [laughing]
- Just a little superpower fun.

- I never get to
do stuff like this.

I always have to pretend to be
normal when I'm out.

- I know.
Normal's so boring.

My dad's a mattress
salesman now.

He basically sleeps
while he works.

- Oh, my dad's retired,
so he basically

sleeps on the couch
until it's time to go to bed.

- BOTH: [laughing]

- Are you worried about us
getting caught together?

- Nah, if there's one thing
my brother's good at--

it's lying to our parents.

- [heavy thud]

- And apparently to me.

- There they are!
- I saw them first!

- So much in common.

- Oh!
- Eeeh!

- Phoebe, you are
in big trouble.

- And I explicitly
forbid you

from seeing this
good girl again.

- Why? Because
of your issues?

We're not you.
Why can't we hang out?

- Your daughter
is manipulating my son.

- Oooh, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo.

You're so lucky there's
all these people around.

- Since when did I ever
care about people?

Wear the tube, boob!

- Dad! No!
- Don't!

- Don't do this, please!
- Dad! Seriously?

- Food fight!

- Eat chicken, turkey face!

- [chicken thuds]
- [high-pitched laughter]

- Hope you like cupcakes,
cupcake!

- [cupcake thuds]

- [cackling laughter]

- Looks like it's nacho day!

- [nachos splat]

- [high-pitched laughter]

- I'm gonna knock
your guac off.

- [guacamole splats]

- Enough!
Stop behaving like children!

- BOTH: He started it!

- Do you guys realize how
much you have in common?

You both hung up your capes.

You moved your families
to the suburbs.

And you both sleep all day.

You're basically
the same person.

- I have better hair.

- Well, I'm a beloved
local TV celebrity.

- LINK & PHOEBE: Dad.

- Fine, but only because
I hate wasting food.

- [sighing]

The fact that you're willing
to put down your tube

makes me realize that...

you're defenseless!

Hasta la vista, baby!
- PHOEBE: No!

- Ha, the weird
kid got it!

- You finally noticed me?

- Look, Dad, I'm sorry
I lied, but...

Link and I really like each
other and you were

trying to keep us apart
because of your past.

- You guys are right.

We should be
apologizing to you.

You're not...us.

- Yeah, we're not even
us any more.

Look at this.

We couldn't even destroy
this tacky restaurant.

- Well, since you're
old and sleepy,

how about you give
me your ice base?

- Oh, I sold that to open
up my mattress store.

- Mattresses aren't evil.

- Try lyin' on mine.

It's like a boulder
with a sheet on it.

- Oh, you need a new mattress?
You should come on by.

- Oooh.

- I will put you down on...

- BOTH: ♪ The most comfy
mattress in town ♪

- [high-pitched laughter]

- Did we just end
a lifelong feud?

- And it only cost you $ !

- Don't worry, ha,
I got this.

My dad's wallet.

I'm a little evil.

- [laughing]
We'll split it.

My brother's wallet.

- Ahhhh...