02x17 - The Amazing Rat Race

[bunniefuu]

- And now
may the fastest rat win.

- Hey, guys, we always
do the fastest rat.

You know what really
says rock and roll?

may the fattest rat win.

- Maybe you should
stop feeding him gravy.

- Don't tell me
how to raise my rat.

Who's a hungry baby, huh?

- Oh, hey, guys.

I just booked DJ Astronaut
for the big dance.

Oh, look, you
already found dates.

- Hey, the band couldn't agree
on a new look, so we're deciding

what to wear by racing rats.

- Couldn't you
just talk it out?

- But then what would
we do with the rats?

- If your band has
a fashion emergency,

you should just ask me.

Here, what are you options?

- Well, I want punk rock.

- Scary skeletons.
- Robots.

- Nothing put puka shells.

- Well, the good news is, no
matter who wins you all lose.

- Don't listen to her.

You're a winner,
Danica Rat-trick.

And apparently a boy.

- Gentlemen, start your rats!

- Oh, hold on, mine's pooping.

All right, we're good.

- On your mark, get set...

Rat race!
- [horn blows]

- Come on, Danica, run!

- Come on, bring
it home, big girl!

- Do it for the robots!

- Don't poop, run!

- Yeah!

You know what this means, guys.

Initiating music mode.

Beep, bop, boop.

- That's not how
a robot dances, Max.

- I'm not dancing.

My rat's loose in my costume.

- [rat squeaking]

- ♪ What you see
is not what you get ♪

♪ Living our lives
with a secret ♪

♪ We fit right in,
bet you'd never guess ♪

♪ Because we're living our
lives just like all the rest ♪

♪ A picture-perfect family
is what we try to be ♪

♪ But closer you might see
the crazy things we do ♪

♪ This isn't make-believe ♪

♪ It's our reality ♪

♪ Just your average family
trying to be normal ♪

♪ And stay out of trouble ♪

♪ Living a double life ♪

- And here's your ticket.

And your ticket.

And your--wait, am I supposed
to be charging people?

- [phone dings]

- Oh, no.

- Don't worry, I'll
get their money.

- No.

No, I just got an email
from DJ Astronaut.

"Dear mission control, I'm too
sick to liftoff,

so I wouldn't be able
to 'rocket' tonight.'"

Just because he used cute
astronaut language

doesn't make it better.

- What are we going to do?

The dance is ruined.

- What?
- [indistinct chatter]

- Uh, she's joking.

The dance is not ruined.

It's--it's gonna be off
the chain...and the hook.

Even the handle.

It's gonna be off
all the things.

Cherry, this is
the biggest dance of the year.

If people find out I messed up
the music,

they'll never forgive me.

- I'll make them forgive you.

- Okay, you can't keep solving
problems with your shoes.

Wait, I think I just figured
out a way to save the dance.

Hey, Max!

How would you and your band
like to play the dance tonight?

- Uh, yes.

- Well, there's no pay.
- Yes.

- You'll have no
time to rehearse.

- What part of yes
don't you understand?

- Sweet-ious, this will get us
out of playing

Gideon's mom's gas station.

- Yeah, she was gonna pay
us in gas and tire rotations.

- Sorry, Gideon, but I'd much
rather play for teenage girls

than truck drivers.

- Lady truck drivers.

- Ladies?

I'm changing my vote
back to gas station.

- Looks like we're split.

Only one way to settle this.

- Oh, no.

Please don't tell
me it's another--

- Fat race!

I know, it's rat race.

- ♪

- [rat squeaking]

- So, Max, ready
to win that rat race?

- Oh, we're not gonna win.

- What?

- He's never won.

If you weren't so adorable,

I'd be kicking you
out on the streets.

- But I need your band
to save the dance.

Why would you even
agree to race?

- No choice.

Band rule number , in case
of disagreement, rat race.

- Your band has rules?

- Yeah, but rules through
are rock hard, rock out,

rock your face off, rock--

- I get it.

- Well, we did some good
gardening out there today, Nora.

- We?

You just stood
there in the shade.

- It's called supervising.

And I did it without a chair.

- Aw, who's this
little, furry--ah!

Rat!

Ah...!

- Max, you've got to keep that
filthy thing out of the house.

- Dad, she's right here.

- And she has telekinesis.

- Hey, Billy.

Hey, honey.

Hello, ice cream.

- It's for Billy.

We decided that ice cream
was better

than joining the track team.

- You decided.

I wanted to join the team so I
could super speed and win races.

- Billy, if we're gonna
live in Hiddenville,

we all have to hide something.

Like Max and Phoebe's telekinesis

or your father's super strength
or--

- Your mother's snoring.

Oh, you were talking
about super powers.

- I'm the fastest kid in
the world, and no one knows.

- I feel bad.

- Ah, he'll come around.

He's learned two
valuable lessons today.

Living in Hiddenville requires sacrifices

and never leave your ice cream
unattended.

Let me show you all the hard
work I did in the garden.

- Interesting.

Billy wants to win races.

We've got a race to win.

- Yeah, okay, but even
your friends might notice

that Billy's not a rat.

- He could be a rat if we
sh*t him with the animalyzer.

Dad used it to turn Dr. Colosso
into a rabbit.

We could use it
to turn Billy into a rat.

If only we knew where it was.

- I know where it is.

- Wow, remind me never
to tell you a secret.

Tell me where.

- I can't.

Dad would k*ll us.

That thing is
extremely dangerous.

It's the kitchen.

Why do I keep doing that?

- Because you know it's
the right thing to do.

When we were Billy's age,

we could use our powers
whenever we wanted.

We didn't have to hide a thing.

- You're right.

We'd be bad siblings
if we didn't turn into a rat.

- That's the spirit.

Now come on, Phoebe, make
with the blabby blab.

- It's in the top cabinet
next to the frig.

Just grab the can
of brussels sprouts and pull.

Ah, that felt good.

- Brussels sprouts?

The animalyzer!

It's beautiful!

But how'd you figure that out?

- Chips, cookies,
brussels sprouts.

- You picked brussels sprouts
over chips?

- They're like
little baby cabbages.

Come on, name a cuter food.

- Apricots.

- Oh my gosh, yes,
they're baby peaches.

- ♪

- And that is how you can use
your powers to win a race

right here in Hiddenville.

- A rate race?

- We know it's not the same
but--

- It's even better.

And it takes care
of two dreams at once!

- You've dreamed
of becoming a rat?

- He agreed, let it go.

- And don't worry, Billy.

The animalyzer can turn
you back into a human.

To demonstrate, Max
will now use it on me.

- Not happening, Colosso.

- But I want to be a man again.

- [laughing]

- Oh, he used to be a person.

All right, Billy, you have to
promise not to tell mom and dad.

- My rat gills will be sealed.

- He knows what
a rat is, right?

- He's about to find out.

- [electricity zapping]

- BILLY: Oh, man,
it didn't work.

You guys just made
the room really big.

- Yep, still Billy.

- All right, Nora, are you
ready to deal

with your fear of rats?

- Why should I?

Isn't it normal
to be afraid of rats?

- Yes, but...you're
a superhero, and you'll have

to face a lot of rat-themed
villains someday--

Professor Pack Rat,
Rat-a-tat-tat,

Tommy the Cheese Eater,
Red-eyed Ricky.

- Franken-rat,
Rat-zilla, Rat-sophe--

- I get it!

Face my fears.

- Max, would it be okay if
Nora pets one of the rats?

- Sure.

- [inaudible scream]

- What is she doing?

- I think she's screaming
at a frequency we can't hear.

- [glass shatters]

- Well, she's certainly
ready to fight Glassman.

- Let's go get Billy.

Maybe he can calm her down.

- No, no, don't!

Uh, we just spoke to him.

He's still upset and doesn't
want to talk to you guys yet.

- Yeah, we'll tell you when
he's changed back--

changed his mind.

- Hey, Max, your rat's gonna
get his tail handed to him,

and you're gonna rock out
at my mom's gas station.

- The only gas we're gonna get
is gas from the chili

at the school dance.

- BILLY: Nice one, Max.

- Who said that?

- Who said what?

- "Nice one, Max."

- Thanks, Angus.

- This is getting weird.

Let's just race.

- Okay, it's go time.

- [rats squeaking]

- On your mark, get set--

- Rat race!
- [horn honks]

- That's the fastest
rat in the world.

What kind of gravy
do you feed him?

- Way to go, Billy!

- What race car
driver's named Billy?

- Uh, the kind that wins.

- Billy!

- ALL: Billy! Billy! Billy!

Billy! Billy! Billy!

- Billy, you saved the dance.

- Yeah, you were great, buddy.

- BILLY: I know.

Everyone was chanting my name.

This is the best day of my life.

- It's almost too bad
we have to turn you back.

- BILLY: Then don't.

I finally used my super speed
to win a race.

I don't want to go back
to hiding my powers.

- Sorry, buddy, but if dad
found out Phoebe and I

used the animalyzer, he'd
turn us into rats.

- BILLY: Cool.

Then we could race and I could
kick your little rat butts.

- All right, I'm glad you had
your fun, but it's over now.

- BILLY: Not for me.

See ya, suckas!

- Billy!

- Billy!

- BOTH: Billy!

- Billy?

You can't stay a rat forever.

Come on out and--

- Phoebe!
- Ah!

- I'm not a rat.

- Eh.

Max, I'm getting nervous.

If mom and dad find out about
Billy, you won't get to play

the dance and I won't get
to save the dance.

- There he is.

I think he's drawn
to your endless whining.

Keep being annoying.

- BILLY: You'll never
catch me, slow humans.

[laughs]

Give it up.

I'm the fastest rat
in the world.

- He's right, Max.

We should just let him
live as a rat forever.

[whispers] Get the animalyzer.

- BILLY: You're not
using that thing on me.

- Wait, you heard that?

- BILLY: My ears are so big,
I can hear birds fart.

You think I'm
gonna give that up?

- Wait, Billy!

What does it sound like?

- BARB: There's no need
to fear rats.

Take it from me, Randy Rat.

- Really, mom, a puppet?

- BARB: I'm not a puppet,
I'm your friend.

- Can it, Randy.

- BARB: Got it.

Got it.

- You guys had three kids
before me,

and this is the best you can do?

- Ugh.

- Well, hey, they're
your kids, too.

- [whispers] Barb, I was talking
about that rat over there.

- Uh-oh.

Okay, I'm just done with this.

- Max's little races must
be attracting wild rats.

I got this.

- [rat squeaks]

- Hank, you scared
it into the house.

- [in squeaky voice]
Don't blame, Hank.

He tries so hard
to make you happy.

[in normal voice] Thanks, Randy.

- Okay, now--

- Ow, his head.

- Great idea, Phoebe.

If rat Billy wants to play
with all this cool stuff,

he'll have to turn back
into boy Billy.

Genius.

- Yeah, thanks, but why
I am carrying everything?

- Will you save
your whining for when

we're trying to catch Billy?

Uh...Phoebe.

- Ah!

- I get that a lot.

- Mom, who is this?

- The exterminator.

- Darryl the rat man.

If they're a crawlin',
Darryl comes a callin'.

I also teach yoga.

- Your rat race
attracted wild rats.

- So if you want to catch a rat,
you gotta think like a rat...

and put on your rat hat.

- Okay, rat man's insane.

- Mom, dad, you can't do this.

- Why not?

- Because rats are people, too.

[whispers] Some
more than others.

- That's why the rat man always
carries rat friendly traps.

- Oh, good.

- But I left those at home,
so I got these.

The old snap and cr*ck.

- [snaps]

- Now, stay out of the danger
zone, unless you're a rat.

In which case, come on down!

- You wanna hear
the real crazy part?

I didn't call him.

He just showed up.

- 'Cause I'm the rat man.

- I better warn Billy.

I think he's still in his room.

- Actually, he's in my lair.

Yeah, we'll tell him.

Come on, Phoebe.

- Careful of the danger zone.

- Actually, I'm more concerned
about the crazy zone.

- Billy!

- Rat boy!

- COLOSSO: Over here.

Uh, I'm Billy.

Turn me back into a human.

Two plus two is six
and other dumb stuff like that.

- Max, look.

- Billy, we see you.

- You're in danger.

There's an exterminator
in the house.

- BILLY: Wow,
I'm really scared.

- You don't know what
an exterminator is, do you?

- BILLY: I do not.

- It's a guy who catches rats.

- BILLY: Well, good luck,

because I'm the world's
fastest rat.

I told you you
couldn't catch me.

- Hey, Billy, we just wanted to
thank you for winning that race,

so we got you some gifts--video
games, boogie board.

- A bunch of other stuff

you need opposable thumbs
to play with.

- BILLY: Nice try,
but I'm not going back.

Not when I can win races, climb
walls and chew through cement.

- Why are you chewing
through cement?

- BILLY: Because I can.

- Fair enough.

- Hey, have you guys seen Billy?

Ah, rat!

- Ow!

- Nora, get out of here before
you hit something I care about.

- BILLY: Nora's afraid of me?

- Uh, of course she is.

Nora's afraid of all rats.

- But who needs Nora when
you've got

all that cement to chew through?

- BILLY: Cement is the chicken
of construction materials.

But I don't want my sister
to be afraid of me.

- Well, then I think
you know what we have to do.

- BILLY: Turn Nora
into a rat, too?

- Billy.

- BILLY: Okay, I'll
change back...for Nora.

- Thank you.

- BILLY: Mm, string cheese.

- No, Billy, don't.

It's a trap.

I tried.

- That's it, ratty.

Chase the cheese.

Thanks for the tip,
terrified girl.

- All right.

And we are a go to animalize.

Let's change Billy back
and get to that dance.

- All right,
Billy, we're ready.

Billy?

- DARRYL: Ha, ha, gotcha rat.

- BOTH: Rat man!

- Must get animalyzer.

Almost...uh!

[sighs]

I'm never getting out of here.

- We gotta stop him!

- [snapping]

- [in slow motion]
Oh, no, danger zone!

- [in slow motion]
Now who's whining?

- Nora, we need your help.

- I'd say so.

- We used dad's animalyzer
to turn Billy into a rat

so he could win a race.

- We'd save him, but we
just got snapped and cracked.

- You're the only one
who can do it.

- Except mom and dad.

But we're not telling them,
because, you know,

we turned Billy into a rat.

- You guys are just saying it's
Billy so that I'll face my fear.

Who put you up to this?

Mom, dad?

It was that puppet, wasn't it?

- Nora, would I lie to you?

Would Phoebe lie to you?

- Seriously, Nora,
that rat is Billy.

- Phew, like Billy
would be dumb enough

to let you two turn him
into a rat.

Billy, I'm coming!

- Thank you so much
for catching that thing.

- I guess you owe it
all to your fancy hat.

- Are you mocking the rat hat?

- What?

No.

A little.

- Wait, you can't
take him away!

- Who, the rat?

- Yeah.

I...want to keep him, as a pet.

- But you're afraid of rats.

- And you said I needed
to face my fear.

So here it goes.

You better be Billy.

Yah, I'm over my fear.

- BILLY: Thanks, Nora.

- Wow, honey, good for you.

- Uh, folks, I don't think
you want to keep a wild rat.

- Back off, rat man!

- Thanks for your help, Nora.

- Ow!

- That's for turning
my brother into a rat.

- Don't be mad at them, Nora.

I wanted to do it.

- Are you going
to miss racing, Billy?

- Yeah.

But not as much
as I would miss you.

At least I can still
hear bird farts.

- Not a bird, kid.

- [clicks teeth]

- Hey, Max, how're you doing?

You think you'll be able
to play the dance tonight?

- Maybe if I ice up my
fingers I won't feel the pain.

- [blows air]

- ♪ Ow, ow, ow ♪

- I guess that means no music,
which makes me the girl

who ruined the dance.

- Unless there's no dance.

Billy,

how'd you like
to be a rat one last time?

- ♪

- Phoebe, where's Max?

- Yeah, the dance is about to
start, and I'm not doing this

if he doesn't have to.

- [in computer voice]
Initiating freak-out mode.

[in normal voice]
I'm freaking out!

- We are never getting girls.

- Okay, guys, no need to panic.

- [screaming]

- Nice job, Billy.

Oh, hey, Billy.

You're not Billy.

Eh.

- ♪