02x19 - It's Not What You Link

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Thundermans". Aired: October 14, 2013 - May 25, 2018.*
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Series revolves around the Thundermans, a family with superpowers who try to live normal lives in the fictional town of Hiddenville.
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02x19 - It's Not What You Link

Post by bunniefuu »

- Oh, my gosh, Link.

You got me jelly jams
from Metroburg.

How did you know
I wanted these?

- I kinda caught on after
your texts.

- [cell phone beeping]
- Twenty-one!

- Ha, you're on a slow network.
Expect about more of those.

Now stand back--
these can get messy.

[filling splooshing]
- Mm!

- Oh.
- So good.

- Link brought you
jelly jams?

He's so cool.

- Ah, I don't see it.

- I also got you guys some.

- Link's the best!

- You are so thoughtful
and generous.

- And boring and dull
and toothy.

- Oh, that's right.
Max lives here, too.

- Hey, don't worry.

I'll just politely
ask him to leave.

You're the worst.
Get out.

- Gladly.
I'm taking these with me.

- [powers zapping]

- I did not super-stretch
the top half of my body

to Metroburg just so he could
come in and steal my jams!

I got run over three times!

- Okay, just ignore him

and we'll paint his face while
he takes his afternoon nap.

- Not this time, Phoebe.

[arms squeaking]
- Hey!

Let go of these jams!

- What is your problem?

- My problem is the son
of Evil Man should be evil,

not buying delicious baked
goods for goofy girls.

By the way,
you're the goofy girl.

Unhand the jams, nerd!
- LINK: Never!

- I mean it--let go!

- [heavy thud]
- Ha. Ha.

I do not get what
you see in this guy.

- ♪

♪ What you see ♪

♪ Is not what you get ♪

♪ Livin' our lives
with a secret ♪

♪ We fit right in ♪

♪ Bet you never guessed ♪

♪ 'Cause we're
livin' our lives ♪

♪ Just like all the rest ♪

♪ A picture
perfect family ♪

♪ Is what we try to be ♪

♪ Look closer,
you might see ♪

♪ The crazy things we do ♪

♪ This isn't
make believe ♪

♪ It's our reality ♪

♪ Just your average family ♪

♪ Trying to be normal
and stay out of trouble ♪

♪ Livin' a double life ♪

- Here's your towel, honey.

I can't wash these
things fast enough

since you've been
going to yoga so often.

- It's "broga," Barb.
Yoga for bros.

I'm sorry, you bend this body,
it is gonna sweat.

- [laughing]

- [grunting]

- Well, you have a good workout,
my little bendy bear.

- You know me--
"Namaste" fit for you.

- [laughing]

Phoebe, what's wrong?

- It's Link.
I miss him so much.

- Sweetie, I'm so sorry.

You know, I had a feeling
it wouldn't last.

- What? No. We're
still together.

- [gulping water]

- Every time Link comes over,
buttface Max runs him off.

- Now, Phoebe, your brother's
not a buttface.

- [chomping apple]

What?

Take a picture.
It lasts longer.

- Already did.

As great as it was painting butt
cheeks on his face cheeks,

I'd rather have Link here.

I just wish he and Max
didn't hate each other so much.

- Yeah, I don't know
what to tell you.

- So, you're saying if I set up
a play date for Max and Link,

they might like each other and
my problem would be solved?

- Huh?

Uh, uh, sure, I said that.

- Mom, you are awesome!
Thank you so much.

- Uh, Mom of the Year!

- ... , !
Ready or not, here I come.

[zooming]

- ♪

- Found you.

- Took ya long enough.

- Didn't dad just
leave for yoga?

Why is he sneaking back in?

- What dad does
is none of our business.

- BOTH: [giggling]

- Come on, let's go
follow him.

- HANK: [laughing]

- What's he doing
in the closet?

- Maybe he thinks
it's the bathroom.

It happens to
the best of us.

Ready?

- Gotcha!

That's weird.

Where'd he go?

- I don't know.

- He's gotta be here
somewhere.

- Hey, you.
- Hey.

Ready to go see that movie?

I wouldn't mind getting outta
here before Max shows up.

- Whaddup, losers?

- Too late.

- So, where's this giant
Bigfoot you texted me about?

'Cause all I see
is "The Missing Link."

- Okay, full disclosure--
we're not going to the movies

and Bigfoot doesn't exist,
you big dummy.

I was hoping the guy I like

and the brother I am
forced to put up with

could play a game of basketball
and maybe try to get along.

- I guess, if it means
this much to you,

I'm willing to try.

- Phoebe...

I am not willing to try.

But I am willing to kick this
loser's butt at basketball.

- Ha. Not gonna happen, dude.

- Oh, yeah?

- [arm squeaking]

- Whoa, you play dirty.

I like it.

- And that is how you start
a beautiful friendship.

- [filling splooshing]

- I don't get it.

It's not like a grown
man can disappear.

- Not unless he's Invisiman,
Dr. Vanish, Ghost Cowboy,

Vapor Dude--
- I meant dad.

- Well, he's not here,
but I do smell him.

Wait, I think it's just
these stinky shoes.

Whoa.

We're pushing that, right?

- It's too red not to push.

- [gasping]

A secret room.

I cannot wait to see what
treasures lie inside.

Ew.

- Go! Go! Goal!
[laughing]

- I'd laugh if it was
someone else's dad.

- Oh, hey, kids.

Ahhhhh!

Kids, uh...

Look at this room...

we all just found
at the same time.

- Save it, Dad.

What is this place?

- [sighing]
All right.

I'm gonna level with you.

This is my top secret
superhero surveillance room.

Right now, I'm making sure

everyone's safe
at this soccer game.

- Dad, you're the best.

I wanna be just like you.

- Billy, look around.

How is a buffalo
wing vending machine

keeping people safe?

And look at his face.

He's lying.

- Huh. Well, he's still
onto something

with this no pants thing.

- All right, fine,
it's my Thunderman Cave.

When I tell your mom
I'm going to yoga,

I sneak up here for
a little peace and quiet and--

Come on, ref!

This sanctuary has
to be our secret.

We can't tell mom.

- Of course.

We would never tell mom about
our Thunderman Cave.

- Our Thunderman Cave?

- Best secret room ever!

- Fore!

- Whaddup, Stretch?
- Nothin' much, Cheat Breath.

- This is nice--now that you and
Max are cool with each other,

we've been able
to hang out here.

- Yeah, he's not so bad.

[laughing]
Except at basketball.

I've been b*ating
him all week.

- Wow, he really does like you.

Usually, when someone beats him,
he frames them for a felony.

- [laughing]

Oh, you're serious?

- We brought dinner.

- Hey, Dad, can you
take us to yoga?

- Didn't you go
to yoga this morning?

- Yep, we also went after lunch.

I'm getting awesome at darts.

Pinball! Golf!

Yoga stuff!

- I think we've had
enough yoga for one week.

Sometimes too much
of a good thing

can be annoying.

- Maybe Mom can take us.

I bet she'd love to
see the...yoga studio.

- On second thought,
I'll take you.

Can't ever be too flexible.

- [bones cracking]
- Ow!

- Hey, Link, are you still on
for playing video games?

- If you're still
on for losing.

- BOTH: [laughing]

- Look at you two bros.

Talkin' smack,
keepin' it real,

gettin' all chum-chuminay.

Okay, I may have
made that last one up.

- I can't believe
they actually became friends.

- I know, but Link is so nice,
he can be friends with anybody.

- Yeah, well, let's hope
some of his niceness

rubs off on Max and not the
other way around, am I right?

- [laughing]
What do you mean?

- I...I was just making a joke

about Max's evil ways
rubbing off on Link.

- Link could never be evil.
- No, of course not.

Although his father was nice

before he got all buddy-buddy
with Dark Man.

But Link's fine.
He's a good kid.

- Yeah, a good kid.

- [arm squeaking]

- Whoa, you play dirty.

I like it.

What say I turn you evil.

- Well, I am a good kid.

But now that we're buddy-buddy,

what are we waiting for?

- BOTH: [evil laughter]

- The good thing is
you can trust Link

and that's the foundation of
every relationship.

I mean, look at me
and your father, you know?

We're all about trust.

There's nothing that
he hides from me.

Uh, we have no secrets,
you know,

and if you're gonna have any
kind of future with Link,

you have to trust that
you have no secrets.

- You're right, Mom.
I trust Link.

- Good.
- Max, not so much.

- I took a big chance making you
my evil lieutenant, Link.

You're not gonna
let me down, are you?

- I'd never betray
the dark side.

- Whoa, Link, in that cloak,

you look exactly
like your father.

He's toothy, too.

- Max, sooner or later,

I've gotta tell Phoebe
what we've been up to.

- Dude, no.

If you tell Phoebe you
joined my evil brotherhood,

she's only gonna make
trouble for us.

- Now come on--let's go
take down our enemies.

- You're not goin' anywhere.

Whoa-a-a-a!

- [heavy thud]

- First time on a slide?

- No.

Yes.

- COLOSSO: [laughing]

- Colosso?

I forgot my map.
Have you seen it?

Colosso?

Who froze you?

- I did!

- Ahh!
- [heavy thud]

- That's for
turning Link evil.

- There's something
seriously wrong with you.

- Flower Park?

What terrible things
do you have Link doing

in this park after dark?

- Zip it, rhymy.

You don't know what
you're talking about.

- Oh, really? I heard all about
your evil brotherhood

and how you're gonna take down
your enemies tonight.

- Okay, you kinda know
what you're talking about.

- Yeah, I am not
letting you get to Link.

So, if you wanna
leave this room,

you've gotta go through me.

- [blowing icy air]

Or I can go around you.

[blowing hot air]

- Brrr! Brrr!

Watch out, Max, Phoebe
heard everything and--

Oh, never mind.

- Hey, what took you so long?

- I kinda ran into Phoebe.

- You know what? I think it's
time I tell her what's going on.

- Wait! No, you can't...

because...

I already told her.

- You did?

Was she cool with it?
- Super cool.

Cold, even.
- Oh, great.

Well, then, I don't feel bad
about bringing this--

like you asked.
- [gasping]

Evil Man's Ring of Suffering.

We'll use it to subdue
our enemies--

just like your dad did.

Evil laugh with me
into the night.

[evil laughter]
- LINK: [evil laugher]

- From your gut like this.
- BOTH: [evil laughter]

- It works, huh?

- Pull!
- [powers zapping]

- Pull!
- [powers zapping]

- Enough!

You two have destroyed my peace
and quiet and my man swag.

Stop it or I will--

- Tell mom about your
secret man cave?

- I was gonna say kick
you out of here,

but clearly you're
the one in charge.

- Get ready, Nora.
Two at once.

- [powers zapping]

- [electrical sizzling]
- [metal door slams]

- What's that mean, Dad?

- The Hero League wanted us
to have a safe place

if villains att*cked,
so they designed

this thundertanium-
reinforced panic room.

- So we're supposed
to panic now?!

- No, I'll just open the door
by typing in the code.

- [electrical sizzling]

- All right, Billy,
you can panic now.

- Got it.
Ahhhhhhhhhhh!

- Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.
There is another way out.

A huge power surge outside
could open the door,

and the only person
who can do that is...

- ALL: Mom.

- Oh.

- What are you waiting for?
Call mom already.

- Yeah, she'll understand why
you've been lying to her

so you can eat meat
in your underwear.

- Only in my dreams, Billy.

New plan.
- Dad.

- That door might
be made out of

the strongest metal
in the world,

but there is nothing
stronger than a man

afraid of getting caught
by his wife!

[roaring]

- [heavy thud]

- Give me...my phone.

- Yes, Hank, I'm right outside.

I don't even know what you're
doing in the panic room,

but stand back, mama's about to
release the kraken.

Ask the kids.
They'll know what that means.

[powers zapping]

- COLOSSO: Whoa! Oh! Oh!

- Whoa. What just happened?

- I'm guessing your mother
released the kraken.

- Max froze me!
- And you froze me, ice witch!

I'm sorry, I didn't
mean to yell.

But you have to admit
you're annoying.

Admit it. Admit it!

- [powers zapping]
Yes!

Hank, Billy, Nora,
are you ok--

What happened to the panic room?

- Yeah, you two
wanna explain this?

- Nice try, Hank.

A putting green. Jumbo screen.
The pinball machine.

This was your original plan
for our bedroom.

- Okay, I turned this
place into a man cave,

so I could have
some "Hank" time.

- And then Billy
found out his secret

and the two of them dragged me
into their world of lies.

World of lies!

Anybody buying this? No?

- I'm sorry I lied to you, Barb.
Can you forgive me?

- You know, I could look past

your sneaking around
and your lies,

but you know what
I can't look past?

That amazing buffalo wings
vending machine!

Why would you hide
this from me?

- Wait, you're not mad about dad
having a secret room?

- Oh, no, we have four kids,

none of whom will ever find
my Fortress of Barbitude.

But a buffalo wings machine.

Ooh, I'll have some of those
and some of these.

Oh, mango habanero!

- Where are they?

- MAX: We are here!

Brothers!

And Joni.

Your Duke of Darkness

commands you to chant the words
of our evil brotherhood

as we prepare to take down
the keepers of the light.

- OTHERS: All hail
the Duke of Darkness!

For there is none more
evil or handsome.

- I like that.

Lieutenant, step forward.

Present me
the Ring of Suffering.

Yes, with the Ring of Suffering
we'll be unstoppable.

- Let's get evil!

- Not on my watch, you won't.

- An intruder. She must be a spy
from the light side.

Get her!
- Wait, no!

- [thudding, crashing]

- Oh, no.

- Well, that was a lot easier
than I thought it would be.

- Phoebe, what are
you doing here?

- Link, I came to
un-brainwash you.

You can't be evil.

You're super cute
and you bring me jelly jams.

- I thought you told her.
- He didn't have to tell me.

I know exactly what's
going on here.

- Um, is this your
first time LARPing?

Take it down a notch,
Kicki Minaj.

- I'm sorry. LARPing?

- It's a Live Action Role
Play game, Phoebe,

and you ruined it.

I'm the leader of
the Dark Realm.

- Wait, I thought you
were the Duke of Darkness.

- It's the same thing!

For them, this is a game.

But I get to be a supervillain
out in the open and I like it.

- Oh, I get it.
You're a giant nerd.

- No, they're the giant nerds.
I'm the guy with the ring.

The Ring of Suffering!

- OTHERS: You are evil
and handsome.

- Brotherhood, regroup.

Costume check.

- Link, I am so, so sorry.

I thought Max turned you
evil and I'd lost you.

- Phoebe, you know
me better than that by now.

- Yeah, but I also know him.

- Kiss the ring.

Kiss it!

- I'm not gonna stop you guys,
if you wanna keep playing,

and I won't keep you
from being friends.

- Look, I only became friends
with Max for us.

If putting up with his lies
and playing his stupid games

means you and I get
to hang out,

then it's worth it.

- Stupid games?!

From the heart of Hades,
I s*ab at thee!

- You can't s*ab your
own lieutenant.

- Join him!

- Dude, we're on the same team.

- I was done with you once
I got your dad's ring.

Enjoy the afterlife!

- The "afterlife" is a picnic
table with punch and cookies.

- WHITE WARRIORS: [roaring]

- The light side approacheth.

att*ck!
- [grunts of combat]

- Oh, don't worry.

I'll get your dad's ring back
during his next nap.

- That thing?
It's my little sister's.

It's actually made
out of candy.

- Behold the power of the ring!

- [grunts of combat]

- ♪

- Yes!
- You high scored, Billy!

- MAX: [powers zapping]

Looks like you missed again,
Bubble Gum Arms.

- Mom, Max is bothering
me and Link.

- Max, leave them alone

and bring me some more
Chipotle Ranch.

- I finally understand her
and dad's relationship.

- Hey, where is your dad?

- [clicks on TV]

Finally, some peace and quiet.

Oh! Oh! Oh!

Yeah, touchdown!

- ♪

- ♪
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