03x01 - Phoebe vs. Max: The Sequel

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Thundermans". Aired: October 14, 2013 - May 25, 2018.*
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Series revolves around the Thundermans, a family with superpowers who try to live normal lives in the fictional town of Hiddenville.
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03x01 - Phoebe vs. Max: The Sequel

Post by bunniefuu »

- [Chloe's bubbles popping]

- Hey, we're back.

Since Chloe's been having so
many superhero growth spurts,

we got her some new
clothes at the mall.

- Check out what
I got her.

- "I put the oops in poops"?

Oh, we are so putting her
in that right now.

- Uh, guys, I'm not sure
that's gonna fit anymore.

- BARB: [gasping]

- She grew again.

- I want pizza.

- And she learned
how to talk?

How long were
we at the mall?

- Now that she's bigger,

I bet that her bubble
power's stronger.

- Let's get this
bubble party started!

- CHLOE: [giggling]

- Hey, no bubbles.

Billy broke her.

- Chloe's not broken.

I think she just
outgrew her baby power.

Ooh, I wonder what
her permanent power will be?

- Let's go call
the doc in Metroburg

and see if he can come
give Chloe a power scan,

and take a look
at this rash.

- Dad, that's dried barbecue
sauce from the food court.

- Hm, get the internet
on your phone

and suddenly everybody's
a doctor.

- FEMALE COMPUTER VOICE:
Alert! Alert!

Cherry approaching.

- Don't worry--
I'll get the door!

- Your cape ceremony
was like a week ago.

Why are you still
wearing that thing?

- Oh, this cape?

You mean the one I earned for
saving your life from King Crab?

Is that the cape
you're talking about?

This one? The cape?
- [doorbell ringing]

- Like anyone cares
that you saved my life.

- [gasping] Is that the cape
you got for saving Max's life?

- Don't make me freeze
your friend.

- FEMALE COMPUTER VOICE:
Alert! Alert!

Incoming transmission
from Super President Kickbutt.

- [gasping]
Hank, did you cut yourself?

Oh, no, that's just
more sauce.

- Hello, Thundermans...

and the local girl you just had
to tell your secret to.

- Lookin' good, Mrs. Butt!

- I'm calling for Phoebe.

The Hero League has decided
to give you a trial run

to protect your
very own city--Hiddenville.

- BARB: Oh!
- HANK: Ho! Ho! Ho!

Our baby's protecting
Hiddenville!

- Ah, this is so awesome.

- Hiddenville is the perfect
place for you to learn the art

of managing a normal life while
fighting crime from the shadows.

- What makes you think I'm ready
for something like this?

- Isn't it obvious?
You saved Max's life.

- [smacks Max's face]
- ALL: [laughing]

- ♪

♪ What you see ♪

♪ Is not what you get ♪

♪ Livin' our lives
with a secret ♪

♪ We fit right in ♪

♪ Bet you never guessed ♪

♪ 'Cause we're
livin' our lives ♪

♪ Just like all the rest ♪

♪ A picture
perfect family ♪

♪ Is what we try to be ♪

♪ Look closer,
you might see ♪

♪ The crazy things we do ♪

♪ This isn't
make believe ♪

♪ It's our reality ♪

♪ Just your average family ♪

♪ Trying to be normal
and stay out of trouble ♪

♪ Livin' a double life ♪

- Thank you for coming
so quickly, Dr. Ouch.

- Dr. Ouch?

What's your first
name--Booboo?

- It's pronounced Bah-boo.

And it looks like Chloe's had
her final growth spurt.

- BARB: Oh.

- Can you tell us what her
permanent superpower will be

and make this overpriced
house call worthwhile?

- I should be able to narrow
it down with a power scan.

- [scanner beeping]

- Adios.

- She speaks Spanish, too?

- Run, Billy.

- Aw, Chloe,
it's gonna be okay.

Believe me--I've seen
a lot of doctors.

What if I hold your hand?
- Okay.

- [scanner beeping]

- See? Not so bad.

- You're my hero.

- Looks like Chloe's superpower
will be one of three things--

super-strength,
teleportation or...

vomit comets?
- BARB & HANK: Ew.

- Ooops, sorry.

Make that sonic screaming.

You'll know
within the week.

- I wonder which
power she'll get?

- Well, sweetie,
it's anyone's guess.

- Guys, guess what?

I just landed an audition for
the Hiddenville Junior Ballet.

Everything's comin' up Phoebe!

- Activate vomit comet.

- That's fantastic,
honey, you know?

But you're gonna have
a lot on your plate

with ballet and being
Hiddenville's protector.

- Not a problem--

thanks to this sweet
surveillance tablet

from the Hero League--
check it out.

It scans the town for
any suspicious activity.

So, I'll know immediately
if there's trouble

and I need to split
even if I'm...

mid-split!

- We get it.
You're flexible.

- Before I leave,
I should warn you--

flamingo flu
is running rampant

in the superhero
community this year.

- Oh, yes, flamingo flu.

The virus slowly
turns you into a flamingo.

- Great. Another
internet doctor.

- Yeah, my cousin Lydia
had flamingo flu.

She used to be a teacher
and now she works at the zoo.

Three shows a day.

- The only way to fight a super
bug is with a super bug.

Chloe's too young to catch it,

but you'll all have
to take these.

- MAX:
Yes! Arachnobiotics!

You go, Booboo.

- It's Bah-boo!

Just put the little guy on your
arm and it'll do the rest.

I've got one left.

- That one's Billy's.

- Oh, did I not grab mine?

Silly Billy.

- Trust me, Billy,
these spiders don't hurt.

- Ow!

- Oops, I was stepping
on his foot.

- Max, are you okay...

or am I gonna have to
save your life again?

- I heard about that.

Can you sign my lab coat?
[laughing]

- Hey, I don't need this.

I'm gonna be in
my lair plotting evil

and ironing my jeans...

evilly!

- Too bad you guys weren't
looking when I took that,

'cause I took it
like a champ!

- Behold!
My latest invention--

the world's first magnet
that attracts gold.

Soon everyone'll be
talking about this

and not about Phoebe
saving my life.

- No one's talking about
Phoebe saving your life.

Was that convincing?

- [musical tone]

- Huh, that's the secure line
I set up for Dark Mayhem.

- BOTH:
He's finally calling!

- I can't find
the secure line button!

- [watch beeps]
- Whoa!

- [magnet humming]
- Stupid Colosso.

Why'd you have to buy me
this gold pinky ring?

- The circle symbolizes
the eternity of our friendship.

- [skull beeps]
- Hello?

Dark Mayhem, uh, sir.

It is an honor to meet you.

- Oh, really?

Because I'm not honored to
meet you, Thunder Turd.

You gave away the top secret
location of the Villain League.

- Yes, that was a tiny bump
in the evil road,

but, hey, I am on
my A-game now.

- Are you stuck
to a magnet?

- Technically, it's
a gold-attracting magnet.

It's one of a kind.

- Technically,
you're an idiot!

But, occasionally, you show
true evil potential,

so, I'm going to give
you a second chance

to prove you're
Villain League material.

- You will?

I mean, of course, you will,
'cause Maxy T

is one bad mamma jamma.
[snapping fingers]

- I want you to keep a record
of all your evil doings.

- You mean like an evil diary?
- Diary?!

- Uh, uh, uh, journal.
Memoir. Oh, chronicle.

- I'll allow it.

Now go spread mayhem

and take off
that pinky ring.

It's weird.

- Come on, Hiddenville,
give me something. Anything.

- Hey, there's
my little caped crusader.

Keeping the couch
crime free, I see.

- The town is crime free.
That's the problem.

All I did today was return
somebody's lost wallet.

- Thanks, by the way.
- Mm-hm.

- Look, the Hero League always
starts you out at an easy town.

My first job was
defending Lamesville.

- Really?
- I thought you knew that.

Isn't that why you always
say I'm from Lamesville?

- [laughs] Duh, totally.

Dad, I fought King Crab.

Now I'm just fighting
to stay awake.

- It's baby steps, honey.

Remember, this is all about
learning to balance

between being a superhero,
ballet, your love of ponies.

- Ponies are Nora.

- Sorry. There's a lot of
girls in this house now.

- Fine. Balance.

Guess I'll just practice
for my ballet audition until I--

- [tablet pings]

- Oh, silent alarm tripped
at the high school.

- Finally, my town needs me!

Huh, I really do have
to split mid-split.

- Give it a rest, bendy.

- ♪

- Colosso, ransoming these
trophies back to the school

is gonna look great in
my evil diary--

chronicle.

- Stop yapping
and keep your eyes open.

- Unhand those
accomplishments!

- Phoebe?

- Max, I should have
known this was you.

- Of course. I'm the only one in
this town who cares about evil.

- That's right. You are.

- So, you gonna turn me
in to Mom and Dad?

- Actually, how about
I let you go?

You get to keep committing
your little crimes,

and I get to practice
stopping you.

It's a win-win.

Well, for me, 'cause
I'll always win.

- Okay, I...I accept
your challenge.

But when I win, I'll be the one
flaunting it in your face,

and you'll never catch me.
[laughing]

- [heavy thud]
- Oh!

The door caught me--
not you.

- ♪

- I was this close to
stealing those jewels.

[screaming]
- [heavy thud]

- I was this close to starting
an elephant stampede.

[screaming]
- [heavy thud]

- I was this close
to not catching you.

[laughs] Just kidding.
It was easy.

- Oh, I'll throw myself in.

But this isn't over!
- [heavy thud]

- ♪

- What are you guys doing?

- I'm baby-proofing
the windows

in case Chloe's new superpower
is sonic-screaming.

- And, if it's teleporting,

I'm hoping this thing will
take me with her.

Aim for Hawaii, Chloe.

- CHLOE: I'm thinking
Vegas, baby!

- And, if it's super-strength,

I used your credit card
to get a new cell phone.

- [text alert bings]

- [reading]
"Nice try"?

Who gave Dad my number?

- [laughing]

- [sneezes]

- Bless you.

Feeling under the weather?

- Who me?
I'm not under the feather.

Why would you
even say that?

Hey, look, everyone,
it's Phoebe.

Let's ask her things now.

- Off to your big audition?

- Yep. Wish me luck.
- [tablet pings]

- Uh-oh, duty calls.

Guess I have to say the day
before my audition.

Gotta go.

- I gotta go, too.

But not "go"
as in "flamingo."

Get off my back!

- All right, let's get
this over with, Max.

I have an audition to
get to and--

Whoa, defeated by a door.

I'm just gonna stop
trying so hard.

- I'm about to have my head
popped like a zit.

Just get me outta here!

- All right, fine.
I'll save your life--again.

- [handcuffs clank]

- I'm not the one who's gonna
need saving this time.

- And what exactly do
I need saving from?

- Oh, just the world's only
gold-attracting magnet.

- [watch beeps]
- Whoa!

- [magnet humming]
- Max, what are you up to?

- I'm about to take
down your town.

I told you this
wasn't over.

- Yes! Victory is mine!

♪ You're the worst
I'm the best ♪

♪ Maxy T's the evilest
Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! ♪

- Stop it!
Fine, you win this round.

Now can you please let me go so
I can get to my ballet audition.

- You're not going anywhere,
Thunder Turd.

It feels so good
to say that to someone else.

See these pipes?

They bring water to the city

and I'm gonna melt them
with this nitric acid

and turn Hiddenville
into a desert.

[laughing]
♪ Maxy T's on fire! ♪

- Max, wait.
It's not too late to stop.

- I'm afraid it is.

- No, I mean it's
not too late

to stop calling
yourself "Maxy T."

- Hey, pipe down!

Get it? Pipe.

That's goin' in
Maxy T's chronicle.

That's right.
The name stays!

- [whistling like bird]

- Billy, come inside.
Mom's looking for you.

- Tell her I'm taking a bath.

Just don't mention
it's a bird bath.

- You have the flamingo flu?

But you took the super bug.

- No, I didn't.

It's the scariest thing
I've ever seen.

Well, besides watching Dad
eat chicken wings.

Bones go in, Nora,
but they don't come out.

- Give me the super bug.

- No, I hid it far away
in a place you'll never find.

- Is that it by the garbage?

- Yes.

Please don't tell Chloe
I was too scared to do it.

She said I'm her hero.

I don't wanna lose that.

- But you're okay
with turning into a bird.

- I know what I'm doing.

Now if you'll excuse me,
I need to use the bathroom.

Please don't be an egg.
Please don't be an egg.

- Time to unleash
Operation Dry Mouth.

- [hits drum]

- Come on, Phoebe,

time to unleash Operation
Defeat the Dancing Dork.

Oh, maybe I can melt
the wiring in the magnet.

- [wires sizzling]

- Okay, the only thing
that could go wrong

is if the polarity
reverses itself--Whoa!

- [heavy thud]

- You have to stop!
- Too late!

The nitric acid is already

making its way
through the pipes.

- Yeah, I'm not so
sure about that.

It's not nitric acid,
it's citric acid--

as in orange juice.

- What?

Colosso, how could
this happen?

- You try shopping
online with paws!

- Yum! Free orange
juice for everyone!

It's like you're Hiddenville's
other superhero--

Captain Backfire.

- I wanna crush this town,

not provide it with
part of a balanced breakfast.

I gotta stop that juice!

Uh...

Aha! The outflow pipe.

[blowing hot air]

- Max, what have you done?

You're gonna back up
the whole system

and all the pipes will burst.

- Oh, you're so
dramatic, Phoebe.

- [steam hissing]
- [alarm blaring]

- But you're not wrong.

Good enough for
my evil chronicle.

Let's get outta here
before this place blows.

- No, I'm not going anywhere.

This is my city.
I have to protect it.

Oh! Uh...

- I can't leave you.
- Because I'm your sister?

- No, the door's locked.

- ♪

- Okay, Chloe, got it?
- Got it.

Whoa!
- [anvil clanks]

- Well, it's not
super-strength yet.

- Oh, Billy, there you are.

Why are you wearing
that blanket?

- Yeah, are you trying
to hide something?

- No!

What are you hiding
under that bow?

Jinx! Now you can't talk.

- Billy, just sit
down and eat.

- I don't sit anymore.

And it's not because
my knee's bent backwards,

if that's what
you're thinking.

- Billy, you're being
a bird brain.

You should tell Mom and Dad
if something's bugging you.

- I'm fine.

Ooh, shrimp!

- Guys, I'm still
down here.

- Oh, Chloe.

- [alarm continues blaring]

- [straining]
Oh, no.

- [steam hissing]

- There's another
leak over there.

- Oh!

Did you see
that perfect technique?

I would have nailed
that ballet audition

if you didn't make me miss it.

- Oh, that's enough!

This isn't my fault.
It's yours.

- Oh, yeah?
How do you figure?

You're the one trying
to destroy Hiddenville,

you fresh-squeezed fool!

- Because of
your dumb challenge.

And because you wouldn't stop
blabbing about saving my life.

- Since when do you
care about me teasing you?

- Since everything's
been coming up Phoebe.

I've been in a total evil slump
while you've been

out saving me,
saving the town,

doing that weird thing
you do with your leg.

How do you even do that?

- I'm not as great
as you think, okay?

I should be out solving crimes,
not daring you to do them.

And I certainly shouldn't
be going around

bragging about saving lives--
like I saved yours.

- Seriously?
- Sorry.

Last time. I promise.

- [juice spritzing]
- [alarm blaring]

- FEMALE COMPUTER VOICE:
Warning!

System failure in ten seconds.

Assume blast protocol.

- There's gotta be a way
to shut down the system

before the building explodes.

Oh, there!
We need to turn that wheel!

Um, Max, I don't have
any hands left.

You'll have to do it.

- You're so lazy--
- Just save the town!

- ♪

- FEMALE COMPUTER VOICE:
System restored.

- PHOEBE: [gasping]

Max, you did it!

You saved Hiddenville.

- No, I saved you--

which makes us even.
[laughing]

- All right. Fine.

[huffing]

Hey, I wonder where
all the orange juice went?

- Who cares? Everything's
finally coming up Max!

- [juice whooshing]

- [heavy thud, splat]

- And now everything's
coming down Max.

- This is so not going
in my chronicle.

- ♪

- Billy, you just
ate two quarts

of spicy shrimp
without chewing.

I think I know
what's going on here.

- You do?

- Finally.

- You think you can
out eat your old man!

[laughing]
Challenge accepted!

- Oh, get him, Hank!

- Chloe, I know
what you're thinking,

and, yes,
they're your parents.

- Oh, kids,
you're just in time.

Your dad's taking
Billy to school.

Phoebe, how was your
ballet audition?

- BILLY:
[honking like flamingo]

- Billy, tell them what's
happening or I will.

- Tell them what? Honk!

- Billy caught
the flamingo flu

'cause he was scared
to take the super bug.

- Don't listen to her, Chloe.
It's a lie.

Your brother's never scared.

- Barb, I ate too much food.

I'm seeing things.

- Billy, if you take
the super bug now,

it will reverse the effects.

I hope.

- Never! To the sky!

[zooming]

- ALL: Whoa!

- Chloe's new power
is teleportation!

- That was my guess.

- What's he looking at?

- I have no idea.

- You can do it, Billy.

- Thanks, Chloe.

Hearing you say that...

changes nothing!
[zooming]

You're everywhere.

- Be brave, Billy.

I'll hold your hand.

- Okay, little sis.

I'll do it for you.

- See? Not so bad.

- Everything's
back to normal.

- [egg pops]

- I just laid an egg,
didn't I?

- Okay, I'll call
Dr. Ouch.

- ♪
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