03x10 - Give Me a Break-Up

[bunniefuu]

- All done.

- Oh, I love it.

- Looking good, baby!

- Aw, just the girls
hangin' out?

- Not exactly.

- All right,
I'm ready to pedi.

- Oh, Link's back.
- He never left.

- Well, ever since
I quit Splatburger,

I have all this extra
time for my other job--

being Phoebe's boyfriend.

How am I doin', boss?

- Employee of the Month!

- Oh, but it is late.
I should get going.

You can paint my nails
next time, Chloe.

- Okay. Dr. Bunny,
your turn!

[whooshing]

- I'll call you
from the car.

- Uh, it's probably not safe to
call me while you're driving.

- You're right.
Maybe I should stay.

- No, no, no.
Call me from the car.

- Okay.

- [locks door latch]
[blowing frosty air]

- Okay, is there a reason

you're turning our house
into an igloo?

- [sighing]
It's Link.

I love spending time with him--
just not all my time.

Since we're always together,

I never get
a chance to miss him.

- Link finally left, huh?

Looks like you got yourself
quite the clinger.

Trust me.
I know all about that.

- COLOSSO:
Max, is that you?

Are you comin' down?
Should I come up?

Max? Max?

- Well, at least I get to
keep my clinger in a cage.

- You know, Phoebe,
when your father first retired,

he was a little clingy, too.

Guess what I did?

- Barb, thanks again
for this D puzzle.

Just when I'm looking for
something to do,

another one shows up!

- You got him a hobby.

- No, I got him a home gym,
but that didn't work.

- [cell phone ringing]

- Oh, I think Link wants
me to answer my phone.

- How do you know?

- I forgot to freeze
the back door.

- [cell phone ringing]

- Hey, Link.

Yeah, I miss you, too.

[whispering]
This may be awhile.

- ♪

♪ What you see ♪

♪ Is not what you get ♪

♪ Livin' our lives
with a secret ♪

♪ We fit right in ♪

♪ Bet you never guessed ♪

♪ 'Cause we're
livin' our lives ♪

♪ Just like all the rest ♪

♪ A picture
perfect family ♪

♪ Is what we try to be ♪

♪ Look closer,
you might see ♪

♪ The crazy things we do ♪

♪ This isn't
make believe ♪

♪ It's our reality ♪

♪ Just your average family ♪

♪ Trying to be normal
and stay out of trouble ♪

♪ Livin' a double life ♪

- I'm so excited to go to
the movies tomorrow night.

- Me, too.

Any chance that this is going to
be a girls' night girls' night,

or is it gonna be a girls' night
plus Link girls' night,

like it's been the past
three girls' nights?

- Yeah, if you're asking
if Link is coming--no.

Oh, come on, that's actually
what I wanted to show you.

- A garage sale?
Of course.

You're gonna clean
out your garage

so you have a place
to hide from Link.

- No, it's National
Hobby Month.

I'm gonna have Link
pick a hobby

and then he'll give
me a little space--

which is exactly what
our relationship needs.

- Hey, Phoebe.
Hey, Cherry.

Garage sale. Awesome.

- No, Link, it's National
Hobby Month.

Duh!

Oh, I call dibs
on knitting.

- National Hobby Month?

- Oh, yeah--did you know
that up to hobbies

go unhobbed each month?

- I don't think
anyone knows that.

- Well, now that you do,
let's get you a hobby.

We have, uh,
soda brewing, ping pong,

ooh, croquet.

- Is spending time with you
somewhere around here--

'cause that's a hobby
I could "get down" with.

[clicking tongue]

I can't take that
back, can I?

- Hey, Phoebe, I think
your boomerang's broken.

I threw it
and it's not coming back.

- [boomerang whooshing]
- CHERRY: Now it is!

- [powers zapping]

- Oh, I am just going to
take my knitting and go.

No way I can hurt
myself with these things.

- Wow, you saved
Cherry's life.

I wish I had skills like that.
- You do.

Wait. That could be your
hobby--saving people.

- You know, to be honest,

it's something that
I've always wanted to do.

But growing up the son
of Evil Man,

I just never thought
it was possible.

- Well, hey, you won't
know until you try.

I can even go on
your first save with you.

Make sure it's something
you can "get down" with.

[clicking tongue]

Yeah, there really
is no way to make that cool.

- Yeah. No.

- Thanks for inviting us to
hang out at Splatburger, Max.

- Ah, I didn't invite
you to hang out,

I invited you to pay.

- Hello, Thunder brats.

- Mrs. Wong, what are
you doing here?

- I'm passing out
samples of my chili.

The "Chili Wars" cooking show
is coming to Hiddenville

and I'm in it to win it!

- So, why are you
here at Splatburger?

This isn't your restaurant.

- It is now.

Soon I will own every
restaurant in Hiddenville

and you won't be able to escape
the long arm of Wong!

[cackling]

Anyway, enjoy the chili.

- Well, everything tastes
better when it's free.

Except this!
- BILLY: It's gross!

- I've made better
chili than this--

right here at this table.

Watch--uh, burrito,
fried peppers,

hamburger and my secret
ingredient.

- Love?
- Grow up, Billy.

- [presses menu button]
- Sweet potato fries.

[blowing hot air]

Dig in.

- Yum!
- That's awesome!

How'd you learn
to cook like that?

- I was in my lair trying
to make a cherry b*mb.

Next thing I know,

I made a cherry pie
that was the b*mb.

- So, everybody
enjoying my chili?

- No, we're enjoying
this chili.

We spit yours out.

- What? Let me try.

Hm, not bad.
What's in it?

- It's a family secret.
Sorry, Wong.

- No hard feelings.

- Yeah, I think we're done.

- All right, chili,

surrender your mysteries
to the long arm of Wong.

- Okay, Link,
this is perfect.

Six civilians trapped
in an elevator.

Now, remember, the number
one superhero rule--

saving lives comes
before family and friends.

- What about girlfriends?

- Those six people in there
are your girlfriends now.

No, don't worry.

This is a nice beginner-
level save, okay?

- Beginner level?
There are six lives at stake.

Those cables could snap.

- Link, this isn't a cartoon.
Cables don't just snap.

- [cables snapping]

- Oh, no, the cables
are snapping!

They're gonna fall!
- My girlfriends!

- [elevator thuds]
- You caught them.

That was incredible.

- There, I pulled them
to the next floor.

Let's get them out.

- [rubber arm squeaking]

- [alarm ringing]
- I can't believe this.

- Thank you so much.
How did you--

- Oh, we didn't do anything.

Just, uh, two kids hangin'
out at an office building.

Okay, thanks, bye.

- Saving people
feels amazing!

I think I'm hooked.

It's all because of you.

Thank you.
- Oh...

Wait a minute.

If you're hugging me,
who's holding the elevator?

- [thunderous crash]

- Guess we're taking
the stairs.

- ♪

- Max, you've gotta
see this.

- Hey, hey, hey,
Chili D. Williams

here with a preview
of this week's "Chili Wars."

We're in Hiddenville with
contestant Mrs. Wong.

Mmmmm, smells like you've
got a pretty good chance

of winning this week's
big cash prize.

Do I detect a little, uh...
[sniffing]

... sweet potato
fries in there?

- Uh-uh-uh, it's a secret
family recipe.

And if anybody
says I stole it,

he's a liar!
- Oh, wow.

- I can't believe
Wong stole my recipe.

I mean, I can.
But I can't!

- We can't let her win that
money with your chili.

- Yeah, you've gotta
enter that cooking contest.

- Whoa! Villains
don't cook on TV!

You'll ruin
your evil reputation.

By the way, I booked you
a pedicure with Chloe at : .

- Thank you.

And you're right--I can't
be seen cooking in public.

But someone else can.

- Let's get cookin'!

- Uh, I meant
Billy and Nora.

Sorry, pal.

- Link's been so busy
saving people all week,

I'm actually starting
to miss him.

And that's how you make
a relationship work.

- FEMALE COMPUTER VOICE:
Alert! Alert!

Link Evilman approaching.

- Oh, yay, Link's here.
I'm so excited.

I actually mean it.
- I'm so happy for you.

- Uh, is that why your
butt's lighting up?

- Oh, yeah, I knitted
my phone into my pants.

Sorry, Mom, I must've
butt-dialed you.

- Hey, stranger.
- Hey, Phoebe.

Sorry I've been so caught
up with my new hobby.

I just didn't think
I'd be so good at it.

- Hey, you're on your way
to being a great boyfriend.

I mean, hero, a great hero.

- FEMALE COMPUTER VOICE:
Alert! Alert!

Incoming transmission from
Super President Kickbutt.

- Hi, Super President Kickbutt.

I suppose you're
checking in on me?

- No, I'm calling for Link.

- Oh, uh, how'd you
know he was here?

- The same way I know
your baby sister

is running an unlicensed
nail salon.

- Adios!

- Link, you've really been
stepping up your game.

You're on your way to
becoming a great hero.

- That's exactly what I said.

You know, I think he's
making great strides--

- Pipe down, Phoebe.
- Okay.

- This is official business.

Link, the Hero League
has decided

to give you your own
city to protect.

- Wow! Thank you!

- This is so exciting.

You're gonna get to protect
your hometown just like me.

- No, we're sending
Link to Hong Kong.

- BOTH: What?

- Wow, that's, uh,

all the way on the other
side of the world.

And not at all
what I'd planned.

- Phoebe, he may
need your help.

- In Hong Kong?
- No, right now.

He's fainting.
- LINK: [groaning]

- [heavy thud]

- I can't believe you're
sending Link to Hong Kong.

Don't you have anything
closer--like,

I don't know,
Nearby Falls?

- I know Hong Kong is far.

But there's no one
to protect their elevators--

now that their
stretchy superhero,

Bungee Boy, is gone.
- Gone?

- Let's just say there
was too much "boy"

and not enough "bungee."

You leave in two days.

Super President Kickbutt out!
- But President--

- I said out!

- I can't believe this.
- I know.

- I'm gonna be a superhero!

- Oh, we're going with that.
Okay, yay!

- This is a dream come true.
I can't wait to tell my parents.

They're gonna be so mad.
[laughing]

- Link is gonna be
a superhero in Hong Kong?

That's so exciting.

- No, Cherry, it means
we can't be together.

Look, if Link is a superhero,

he's gonna be way too busy
and way too far away.

If it's : a. m. here,
over there it's next Tuesday.

- Oh.

Well, can't you just
ask him not to go?

- Did you see how
excited he was?

It'd be selfish of
me to ask him to stay.

You know what wouldn't
be selfish--

making him realize
he wants to stay.

- Ooh, toys. Can I play?

- Oh, sweetie,
this isn't a toy.

It's a highly-
sophisticated puzzle.

It takes a lot of patience
and a keen eye

to know where
each piece goes.

- This piece goes here.

- Barb, Chloe's messin'
with my stuff!

- Learn to share, Hank.

Now it's just
us for dinner.

What should we have?

Wait. Where are
all my pots?

- [pots clattering]

- Let the "Chili Wars" begin!

Listen, Wong, there's
no way you're winning

that cash prize with your
"secret family recipe."

- I didn't say it
was "my family."

- Well, we have another
secret ingredient.

My family over there's
gonna teach you

a thing or two about
winning the "Chili w*r."

- [wooden spoons clacking]
- Yah! Yah!

- They're just, uh...
warming up their spoons.

That's another
family secret.

- [wooden spoons clacking]
- [wooden spoons clacking]

- Do you really think
this is gonna work, Max?

- Yes, no one's gonna know
I'm doing all the cooking

because you two are my kitchen
puppets, remember, huh?

- [powers zapping]

- I like being a puppet.

Take the wheel, Max.

- [heavy thud]

- Hey, hey, hey,
I'm Chili D. Williams

coming to you
from Hiddenville,

where this week's episode
of "Chili Wars"

is gonna be hotter
than a habanero.

Let's meet our first
two contestants--

Billy and Nora Thunderman.

Who's this guy?

- Uh, I'm Fred Not-a-Cook.

- Ha. Ha. All right.

Are you two ready for
the battle of the beans?

- We sure are.

Make sure you sh**t
my bow-side, too.

Can I call ya Chill?

- Ha. Ha. You sure can,
baby bean.

Just stay outta my light.

All right,
let's get cookin'.

- Okay, first we get...
- [powers zapping]

- ... beans...
and dump them in the pot--

totally on our own.

- Look who's cookin'
like a big boy.

- Then I get some...
- [powers zapping]

- ... some salt and I put
it in the pot.

Oh, wait, no!

Looks like it's
goin' on the meat.

- [salt shaker thuds]

- Then I knock over
the pepper.

- Ah...achoo!
[spraying]

I'll take care of that.

- Uh, you do know
we're on TV, right?

- Oh, sorry.

I'll take care of that.

- Ohhhh, Chili D's
stickin' a fork in ya

'cause you are done.
- Ow.

- I can do that.
I'm a TV star.

Let's see who's next.

- [silent sneeze,
silent laugh]

- Oh, this looks great.

How could Link not want to stay
in Hiddenville with this?

Thanks, Cherry.

- A funny story
about setting this up--

- Uh-oh, no time.
Here comes Link! Hide!

- [pots clattering]

- Phoebe, I still have
to say goodbye to my parents.

They are so mad.
[laughing]

Whoa, what's all this?

- Just "The story of us."
Come on.

I was thinking after
the amazing day we've had

we order a black
and white cookie

seeing as my hair
is kind of black

and yours is kinda...
white-ish.

The point is you
and I go great together--

just like
a black and white cookie.

[presses menu button]

Well, nope,
that's not the idea.

- Actually, I prefer
it this way.

The vanilla's much
better on its own.

- Really? 'Cause I think
that the two parts

make one perfect whole
which should never be separated.

- [laughing]
No. No way. No.

How about a slide show?

- Oh, it's us at the park.

That's the time
we tried to make pizza.

Oh, and that's me--eating
this cookie ten seconds ago.

How...how did you--
- Shhhh. Just watch.

We've had a lot of
great times together.

How does that
make you feel?

- Like the luckiest
guy in the world.

- Aw...

- [phone beeps]
- Oh.

Oh, I have to check
in for my flight.

- Aw.

- Baggage?
No baggage for this guy.

- I'll be right back.

Cherry, this is not
going well.

He's still planning
on going to Hong Kong--

with no baggage.

- I had a feeling your creepy
slide show wouldn't work.

- So, I knitted you
a sweater to give to him.

- Oh, wow, "Phoebe
Hearts Link."

It's perfect!

Except for the extra
neck hole.

- It's like they have
a mind of their own.

- Wait a minute--this
is exactly what I need.

Isn't this great?

We've never been closer
than we are right now.

- This is definitely close.

- We are back
in Hiddenville

where each batch
of chili so far

has been worse
than the last--

which means if your
chili tastes like food,

the cash prize
is yours.

- Well, why don't
you have a bite?

- All right.
- MAX: [powers zapping]

- Max, what are
you doing?

- If I'm not winning
the money, neither is Wong.

- I don't know why
I'm holding these.

- It looks like you're
adding your secret ingredient.

Oh!

- Which is a dash
of crazy.

- If you think that's crazy...
[powers zapping]

- What...
What's happeni-i-i-i-ing?

- [powers zapping]

- [sputtering, coughing]

Did I win?

[sputtering]

- No! No! You lost
the "Chili w*r"

and your mind!

But you do get this.
- Ow!

- [laughing]

I'm Chili D. Williams and
this has been "Chili Wars."

We'll see you next week.

And cut!

This mess is never
gonna air.

Pack it up, boys.
[sighing]

I should've never
left game shows.

Boop!
[drops wooden spoon]

- Ow!

- Another family secret--

stir your chili with
your spoon, not your face.

- Hmph!

- [palm slap]

- Doesn't food taste better
when we're this close?

- Well, I wouldn't know.

All I can do is lick
tomato sauce off this Kn*fe.

- Oh, here, we'll switch.

- Careful. Careful.
- I got it.

- [utensils clattering]

- Oh, gosh.
- [head thuds]

- Oh, my gosh, Link.
I'm so sorry.

Let me get you some ice.
Watch yourself.

- Oh, wait, there's
some over here.

- It's fine. I got it.
- No, I got it.

- Mine's closer.
- [sweater ripping]

- Phoebe, what are
we doing?

- Making memories?

- No, that's not
what I meant. It's just...

I mean, my last day
in Hiddenville

would be a lot more fun
if you weren't being so...

well, clingy.
- I was just trying to--

Wait. Did you say "clingy"?

- I'm...I'm sorry,

but you did put us in
a two-headed sweater.

- Yeah, I know I did,
but, um...

Okay, look, the whole
reason I wanted you

to pick a hobby was because
you were being clingy.

- I'm clingy?

- You once insisted on

holding my hand for
two straight weeks.

- Because I'm crazy
about you.

- You were in Mexico
with your family.

- Well, I guess
I see your point.

But why wouldn't you
just say something?

- Well, because...

I didn't want to
hurt your feelings.

Link, I'm crazy
about you, too, okay?

That's why I put together
this whole day--

to make you wanna stay,

so we wouldn't
have to break up.

- Break up?

I...I didn't even
think about breaking up.

- What did you think
was gonna happen?

- I don't know. I...I guess
I was so excited

about finally becoming
a superhero,

that I just didn't
think about

what it meant for us.

- Well, it's all
I've thought about.

- I don't wanna lose you.

- I don't wanna
lose you, either.

- Wow. Look, I'm calling
Kickbutt right now

and I'm telling
her that I'm not going.

- No. No, I can't
let you do that.

I won't let you
turn your back

on your dreams
because of me.

You were a great
boyfriend, Link.

And now you're gonna
be a great superhero.

- Wow.

So this is really happening.

- [phone beeps]

- Looks like someone
in Hiddenville needs saving.

Someone in Hiddenville
also really needs a hug.

- ♪

- And maybe a kiss.

- ♪

- Okay.

Guess I'd better
take care of this.

- ♪

- [sniffling]
Goodbye, Link.

We'll always have
Splatburger.

- ♪

- So long as the kitchen
doesn't burn down!

That's the emergency!
- [fire alarm ringing]

- Cherry, what did
you do now?

- ♪