01x01 - Taste of the King

[bunniefuu]

[flipping through radio stations]

[DJ on radio]
Good morning, simulation farmers!

This is the Pyromoth keeping you warm
on the Ribbon and cool in your heart.

Here's a little melody
from the old Cuddle Cats

with their classic hit

"Let Me Up, Let Me Down,
But Don't Let Me In."

[vocal music playing faintly]

[DJ] Good morning!

♪ Across the rolling hills
I ramble at my will ♪

♪ Across the rolling hills
I come riding ♪

♪ With my banner in the wind
I come riding ♪

♪ With my banner in the wind ♪

[clicks, music stops]

-[beeps]
-[computer] Ah!

Thanks for activating me, Master.

Which simulated universe

-will you enter today?
-Hmm.

[computer] Mmm, Earth 1-9432.

Due to an easily avoidable
operator error...

-[alarm beeping]
-...all beings on this Earth

-have been destroyed.
-Ah, sh*t.

[computer] Deleting Earth.

Earth 4-169,

due to yet another operator error,
is undergoing a zombie apocalypse.

You picked Glasses Man.

This sim has a 23 Charisma rating.

Great choice!

Targeting Glasses Man.

-[beeping]
-[computer] Avatar selection screen.

-Lady Charlotte, Pig Lord...
-[Clancy] Mmm.

-...Mr. Liftup, Poppy...
-[Clancy] I gotta get a new avatar.

[computer] ...Beach Body.

-[Clancy] Whoa!
-[computer] Beach Body selected.

Merging with Simulator in...

three, two, one...

[crowd shouting]

[all] Free the weed! Free the weed!

-[men grunting]
-[man] Yeehaw!

-[all chattering]
-[Clancy grunts]

[coughing]

God!

[shouting, chattering continues]

Oh, no! Glasses Man, no, no, no!

Please don't be dead! I'm sorry!
Please don't be dead.

Your little glasses,
I'll fix your glasses.

I'm the president.

Whoa!

Cool.

Do you mind if I record you
for my, um...

vid-cast... data-cast...

Data-stream. My data-stream.

It goes out to everyone in the system.
It goes into space.

Sure.

Okay, great.

[deep vocalizing]

[sniffs]

It just takes a second to set up.

-[beeping]
-Sorry about this. Wait, hold on a second.

I guess... Well, I just want to thank you,
first of all.

It's a privilege, man.

I know you've gotta be
incredibly busy right now

with the zombie apocalypse
happening around you.

Yeah, zombies...
I really don't wanna talk about zombies.

Okay. What about the marijuana protesters?

-Those assholes?
-Yeah.

First of all,
people don't understand my point of view.

They think somehow I'm anti-pot
or anti-legalization.

-[Clancy] Right.
-I'm not actually "pro" either.

I'm pro human liberty,
I'm pro the American system,

pro letting people determine their laws.

-Right.
-I don't think this is...

-If I had to...
-[sniffs]

...have a... You know, if somebody
pressed my face to the mirror and said,

"Is it gonna be good or bad?"

I think it might end up being
kinda not so good for people,

but so, I'll deal with it. I...

-But Frescher will deal with it.
-Mr. President?

-Maybe it will be good.
-Excuse me...

What? Can't you see
I'm doing an interview with...

-My name's Clancy.
-I gotta get back to Clancy.

-The zombies are inside the perimeter.
-[President groans]

Just get me a r*fle, I'll take care of it.

-You were saying?
-Oh, yeah.

I read a recent study
that said medical marijuana was associated

with close to 30 percent fewer deaths.

It's actually... It's actually...
More data's come in since that.

-What's the data?
-The data is if there's a lot of...

If there's available recreational pot,
opiate use is way down.

-So it is helping? Interesting.
-Simple. I know.

I saw that too.
I thought, "This could be the answer!"

-Would you mind following me outside?
-Yeah.

This could be the answer
to the opiate epidemic

and the chronic pain thing.

I would much rather see people
on a lot of pot

than any of the pills they're taking now,

because the pill combo that they get
on the opiate and the benzodiazepines

and the sleeping medicine... "A," kills.

Absolutely, when patients die of drug use,

that's how they die today.

"B," perpetuates their pain,
and they're... and they're...

they're, uh, disabled by it!

-Yeah.
-They're disabled by it. They're helpless.

Pot... Some people are on the couch
when they smoke a lot of pot,

but some people work just fine.

[Clancy] Well, one facet of marijuana
that doesn't exist in opiates

-is that if you overdose on marijuana...
-Hello!

Thank you, Mr. President!

Hello!

Thank you, Mr. President!

-Hello.
-Mr. President, thank you!

Anyway...

-Um, your mind...
-You don't die.

-You don't die.
-You don't die,

but you are dragged through
your own personal neurosis,

-inner weaknesses, fears...
-Oh, if you over...

-If you have a, quote, "overdose." Yeah.
-People say, "I feel paranoid,"

and usually what they mean is,

"The marijuana is showing
all these parts of myself

that I don't necessarily
want to deal with right now."

[g*n blasting]

That can create a lot of positive change
for people. Not all the time.

A lot of times, I've definitely been
paranoid and the things I've worried about

are ridiculous and absurd,
and when I sober up, it's...

I recognize that, but a lot of times,
some of this stuff I'm shown

on a heavy dose of marijuana,
I come out of that knowing,

"sh*t, man, I've gotta work on this.
I need...

Why am I not exercising?

I need to exercise more.
This is ridiculous.

Why am I...
I'm drinking a little too much right now.

I need to slow down drinking."

That... Also, did I ever talk to you about
how I almost d*ed on sleeping pills

-years and years ago?
-No.

Oh, God! Oh, man.

Um, there was a...
A guy came to this party I was at...

-selling sleeping pills at, like...
-[man groans]

-...12:00 p.m. at a party.
-[President] Bizarre.

-Worst thing you could ever do.
-"Get in your cars now! Go home!"

-Yeah, this is...
-"How much you were drinking?

-Oh, perfect, good combo!"
-Yeah. And I bought some from him.

[g*n blasting]

I don't even know why I would do that.

I'm well aware of the fact that
you should never, ever in a million years

take benzos and drink.

Never do it! It's what kills everybody.
This is the death combo!

-It is.
-So I did it, and I remember...

One of the death combos.
There are a few of them out there.

I think I took one pill,

and then I'm drinking and,
like, feeling relaxed, and...

-But I forgot I...
-[President] This is the danger of benzos.

-[Clancy] This is how it kills you.
-[President] Yeah, you forget.

-[Clancy] I took another.
-Ambien does that. You forget.

By the way, I... Let me just clarify my...
[grunting]

I hate this idea of "good" dr*gs
and "bad" dr*gs.

There's no such thing
as a good and a bad drug.

There's this chemical that's
neither good nor bad, it just exists,

we either created it
or it exists in nature,

and then it's the relationship

that humans have with the substance
that is the issue.

-So smart.
-And what our individual biology is,

and what it triggers and whatnot.

That's the problem.

Like, Valium... [grunting]

What, if you're...
need to have a colonoscopy...

-Valium or Valium-like drug... Good!
-Right. [laughs]

Now, if you're just drinking absinthe
and partying and about to drive home,

-really bad!
-[Clancy] Yeah!

-[Frescher] Oh! Thank you, sir!
-Not because Valium's good or bad,

'cause the circumstance
and the relationship is bad.

I'll never forget it, man.

I was laying in bed that night,

trying to remember
how many of the pills I'd taken.

-As I'm passing out...
-God.

And then I realize, "Oh, I can't move!"

-Like...
-Oh!

I'm... If I wanted to get up right now,
I don't think that I could get up.

-This is as I'm fading out into darkness.
-Oh, jeez!

Then I woke up the next day,
thank God, and I was alive,

-but if I had vomited, I would've d*ed.
-That's it, that's how they die.

-Yeah, I have a friend who d*ed.
-It's called aspiration pneumonia.

[whispers] Sorry, sir.

You don't have to vomit a lot either.

Sometimes, it can just be reflux.
Sometimes, a little saliva.

[exhales]

And it goes down the wrong tube,
gets into your lungs,

and all the bacteria that's in your mouth

goes into your lungs,
where it don't belong.

You set up a pneumonia,
become septic,

you go into shock and you die
in about 30 minutes, 50, 60 minutes.

-It can happen fast.
-Oh, my God!

-Those things are evil.
-[President] Yeah.

-Evil, evil, evil.
-Well, no...

[both laugh]

In that situation. It's not the chemical.
The chemical's just a thing of nature.

[barking]

-[pounding]
-[gasps]

Mr. President!

[screams]

[roaring]

[loud thud]

[all screaming]

Look, we're gonna have to
initiate Alpha Protocol.

-[man] Cool!
-Onward, Charlotte!

[all grunting, groaning]

Good luck, sir! It's been a privilege
to serve under you, and...

[screams]

What's interesting to me...

I'm clarifying our sort of back-and-forth,
too, because I...

You know, I love being around people

that help me see the world through
new glasses. You're one of those.

Thank you!

And so I'm open to all the stuff you say,
and I think it's fascinating.

Then I go,
"But you could hurt somebody!"

You notice that?

-I'm always like, "What if?"
-Yeah.

[roars softly]

[President] In the past,
the Founding Fathers

talked about pumping mushrooms

-into horrible world leaders.
-Yeah!

-And...
-[Clancy] That's right.

And we said,
"He could get insight and be happy

and he'd realize what he was doing."
I thought, "Or he'd go darker!"

-We don't know. That's true.
-It's the "or" that always...

[roaring]

-[President] We'd better get out of here.
-[Clancy] For sure.

[both grunt]

The zombies are coming. Come on.

One of my favorite statements is,
you know,

"Health is about accepting
and perceiving and dealing with reality

-on reality's terms."
-Mm.

[man on TV] Is there anybody out there?

This is Chuck Charles.
If you wanna get saved... Get in!

Come to the mall! Get in!

[shatters]

Now, you said something
that stayed with me,

which was the analogy

-of the elevator hallucinogen.
-Yes.

-Do you use that often, or is that...
-The metaphor is that it's compared

to an elevator that takes you up to
the very top floor of this building

where this incredible party is happening.

The doors open up, you see
this amazing utopian nirvana situation.

That you never knew was there,
you'd never seen it before.

[Clancy] Never even knew it was there,
and the elevator, the thing dings,

the doors shut, it comes back down,

and suddenly, you're screaming
at people in traffic again.

So, that's an analogy
for what hallucinogens do.

That's right.

And this is...
Again, my contribution is, I went,

"What if it doesn't let you off
on the first floor

and ends up two floors
into the basement?"

-Taking you lower?
-Taking you lower.

The doctor in me
always worries about that.

Yeah, and let's say
that it does take you lower.

Let's say that you get to go up
in a hot-air balloon

and see the top
of some beautiful mountain,

then the hot-air balloon
gets blown off course a little bit.

You've still seen the top of the mountain,
and I think that...

-[man screaming]
-There's the independent value of that.

-Holy sh*t!
-[thuds, screams]

-sh*t!
-Die, die, die!

[roars] Die again!

[panting]

[growling, roaring]

-Are you f*cking kidding me?
-Come here.

-[grunts] f*ck you!
-Come on.

[clears throat]

-Are you okay?
-Yeah. Just keep moving.

You know what's weird?
Why are we even running from them?

-They're pretty slow.
-[President] I know!

Look, we could just stand...
Let's just stand still.

-Come get me! Come on, zombies!
-Right here!

[both chuckle]

[President]
Oh, no. I think that's my aunt.

[zombies groaning]

[President] Oh, my God, a mall.

[groaning continues]

[grunting]

[moaning]

[President] Then I asked the question,

-"So how do we get there...
-[car alarm blaring]

...in a way
that we're in control of it?"

-Damn zombos!
-Yeah, that's the big question.

I think it's a lot of things.
I think...

You know, I am, right now, really into
this type of meditation which is, um...

just the process of sitting still,
watching your breath

and being very aware of your thoughts,
emotions and the way your body feels.

And it's just this...

something called "mindfulness."
It's the practice of mindfulness,

which is just watching the way
that you act, and the way that you feel,

-and the way that you think.
-I think this is the cure!

[Clancy] And becoming aware of the roots
of a lot of the emotions

-that exist in you.
-Yeah.

Especially for me. Like, I get angry,

and I will have angry outbursts sometimes.

Yeah, thank you for looking perplexed
that that happens. It happens!

It... it... Just sitting by yourself,
anger will come out,

-[glass shatters]
-or is it, like, traffic?

Well, no... It's gotten much better.

But, I mean, when I was much younger,

I was just an angry person,
so I would, like...

I can remember
my printer didn't work one day,

and I remember screaming alone
in my apartment,

breaking my printer in just a rage.

[zombie groaning]

I'm cured!

It's time for a game of hacky sack!
Woo-hoo!

That's a thing that's inside of me,

and that's why psychedelics
have been very useful to me.

[loud crash]

[roaring]

[all screaming]

[rock music playing]
♪ Get in ♪

♪ Get in ♪

♪ Get in ♪

[grunts]

-Get in.
-[zombies snarling]

-[man screaming]
-[zombies grunting]

[clears throat]

But also,
meditation has been incredibly useful,

because now I can sit and I can meditate,
and then maybe the dogs will bark, right,

-while I'm meditating.
-[g*n blasting]

I can watch the irritation
sort of flower inside of me,

and then when it's there,
they say, "Look at it as though

you're sitting in a forest and you're
getting to watch a rare animal...

-[g*n clicking]
-[woman gasps]

[Clancy] ...walking out into a clearing."

And instead of, you know...
As most of us do when anger comes in,

we react to it,
we go into reactivity mode,

which is, maybe, you would stop meditating
and scream at your dogs,

or you would do something
to make them quiet.

-[President] Behavior that amplifies it.
-Yeah, that's it. So you just watch.

-You watch.
-[panting]

Buddhism compares anger
to a sweet flower with bitter roots,

and so we follow the sweetness down.

Is she in labor?

[panting]

-Yeah, she's, like...
-Okay. All right.

Hey, you all right? Need anything?

[screams]

-Just breathe.
-We were planning a water birth.

[President]
Pull over. Maybe we can find something.

[tires screech]

[woman vocalizing]

[continues panting]

[President] Hmm.

-[Clancy] What?
-Oh, my God!

[all grunt]

[President] What are we talking about?

[woman] He was talking about meditation
or something.

[Clancy] Yeah.
Or just watching your feelings, you know?

You follow the feelings down
into the poisonous roots...

Do you do that in a feeling way
or an insight way, if that makes sense?

Do you just follow the feelings,
or do you have some sort of specific,

"That reminds me of some experience,"
or something?

Well, it's called "noting,"
so you would... You can...

You know, it's like... It's just...

-Think about an emotion.
-Yeah.

These are these really
kind of ambiguous...

These bodily-based things
you're faintly aware of many times.

-Yeah, exactly. What is that thing, right?
-Yeah.

So this is the practice
of taking a microscope

and looking into the recurring emotional
patterns that are happening inside of you.

Because most of the time,
if you have a negative emotion,

-you'll try to avoid it.
-Yeah.

-You try to move onto the next activity...
-Oh, come on!

-[Clancy] Always in a state...
-[zombie groans]

Damn zombos.

-What if we don't turn our backs...
-What?

[camera clicks]

...and zoom in on the thing and see,

what is this fractal?

It's really an interesting practice.

-Just...
- [President] All right.

-And push!
-[panting]

-Breathe!
-Oh, no.

-You can do this!
-Push. Breathing's before. Push.

[Clancy] But then you breathe.
Isn't it breathing first?

-No, it's push! Oh, hello, there!
-[crying]

Let's get out of here.

In Buddhism, the idea is all of those
mental forms of analysis of these things

-are kind of secondary to...
-[zombies moaning]

...the very simple observation
of the way any emotional state or thought

or bodily feeling has a similar pattern

in that it heightens,
dissipates, and goes away.

For me, a lot of that magical stuff
you're talking about happens

in an interpersonal context.

I'm a kind of person
that it's very difficult for me

to stay with some of those things
unless there's a presence.

[rock music playing faintly]

There are also people like you that,
you know, you see in my field,

and that's a massive field these days.

Most people that practice it don't do it
as well as what you're describing.

What you're saying
is a big part of the practice, too.

You're talking about sangha,
the spiritual community,

-which is acknowledged in Buddhism too.
-[g*n blasting]

-[man screaming]
-What's important is,

let's encourage each other
to get as close to the truth as we can.

Or, as you mentioned earlier,
to meeting reality on reality's terms.

I think that the big surprise
is everyone's like, "Oh, reality sucks,

-the world sucks... "Come here, bud.
-[grunting]

We're trying to do this process
where we sort of keep going backwards

until we can't look at ourselves anymore.

We want to go to this complete observer
state until you get to the thing...

-[President] Awareness of awareness.
-That's it.

-Yeah.
-And then you become pure awareness,

and the concept is
that is what we really are,

and that this entire material universe,
including our body,

-is a kind of phen... I can't say it.
-[cooing]

-Phenomenological.
-Phenomenological field of phenomena.

A field of phenomena being encapsulated
within this consciousness,

and so the idea that I am alone,
or the idea that I am an individual,

is actually, interestingly enough,
you're already not.

It's false. It's a distortion.

'Cause you're the thing and the observer
simultaneously meeting together,

-and that creates the illusion of self.
-[zombies snarling]

I mean, if the universe was a dolphin,

then, basically,
our bodies would be a fishing net.

We're all kind of entangled in ourselves.

You feel sh*t like that
when you're high on acid?

Yes, you do.

[groaning] Ah!

[screeching, crunching]

[growls]

[Clancy] Whoa!

This feels really good.

Oh, yeah! Oh, my God, I'm in love with it!

Yeah, it kinda sounds like
the zombies are...

The zombos are singing!

♪ First, we're born ♪

♪ And then we die ♪

♪ And in between
Most of us spend all our time crying ♪

♪ Crying, crying, crying ♪

♪ Once we were blind, but now we can see ♪

♪ It feels good to be a zombie... ♪

Now I see there's nothing to get in
and nothing to get out of!

It's that simple!

♪ We move slow ♪

♪ 'Cause there's no need to run ♪

♪ Besides, what's the point of running
When it's love that you're running from? ♪

[gasps]

Dan!

♪ Life was a jail and we found the key ♪

♪ In the bite of a zombie ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

[man over loudspeaker]
Mr. President!

Oh!

[all whooping]

[man]
We're here to save you, Mr. President.

We have the antidote harpoon.

Do not panic.
We will hand you the antidote crossbow.

[snarls]

f*ring the antidote harpoon.

-Yeah!
-[man] Blast the antidote harpoon now!

Fire the antidote!

-Fire a zombie antidote at the president!
-[whooping continues]

-[upbeat music playing faintly]
-[g*ns blasting]

[roaring]

[laughing]

[growling]

Thank you so much for being a great guest.
Do you have any last words?

Thank you for having me!

Last words...
There's no such thing as a bad drug.

It's the circumstances!

[screams]

Goodbye!

[blows horn]

[snarling]

[barking]

-[upbeat music continues]
-[man chanting in foreign language]

[beeping]

Holy sh*t, friends! Did you see that?

Guts ripped out, and yet,
here I am, all in one piece.

Thank you so much,
oh, great denizens of the multiverse,

for listening to Midnight Gospel.

And to my one subscriber,
Hernog Jenson, I live for you.

You're the reason I wake up in the morning
with a smile on my face,

so keep listening, Hernog,
and I'll see you in your dreams.

[President] I love being around people who
help me see the world through new glasses,

and you're one of those people.

There's no such thing as a bad drug.

-[President, distorted] Good dr*gs...
-[Chuck] Get in!

[President, distorted] Good dr*gs...

[Chuck, distorted] Get in!

[man speaking indistinctly]

[Chuck, distorted] Get in!

[echoing] Good dr*gs...