03x22 - It Takes Two to Watusi

[bunniefuu]

Oh, I love that.

Oh, hon... you'd look
so hot in this dress.

I swear, you'd
drive any man wild.

Oh, Luann, would you stop?

You took the words
right out of my mouth.

I'll never forget when
we were cheerleaders

and you did your
first handstand.

Coach walked right
through the trophy case.

You think you could
squeal your way

down memory lane somewhere else?

I'm tryin' to set
the table here.

You know, the best thing
about "Passionate Pomegranate"

is that it goes with everything.

Well, it doesn't go with
tuna casserole, so move it.

Come on, Luann. Let's
sit over on the davenport.

How's my little
toaster doin', Vint?

Oh, pretty good. Pretty good.

You see that little thing there?

Uh-huh.

That's the part I replaced.

And right over there

is where I rewired
the handle, see?

And you see that
down at the bottom?

Yeah.

That's my screwdriver.

Once I get that out

this thing will
work like a dream.

You know, until my divorce,

I never realized how
much I depended on a man.

I know. They certainly come
in handy sometimes, don't they?

Good Lord. You sound like

a couple of hyenas in heat.

So, hon, tell me all
about this blind date

you're fixin' me up with.

Okay. His name's Elgin Hobbs.

- He is the cutest thing.
- Yeah?

He's a trucker and his
CB handle is "Hotcakes."

I can't wait to meet him.

I know, honey, it's gonna be
so great double-datin' again.

Yeah, it'll be just
like high school.

Just so long as you don't
make this homeroom.

Ms. Harper, set a place
at the table for Luann

would you please?

Beg pardon?

Luann is stayin' for lunch.

Afterwards, she's
gonna paint my toenails

and pluck my eyebrows.

That is, if you have enough.

Well, we do now... I
just lost my appetite.

Oh, hon, won't it be fun.

Just like high school.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Knock, knock, Thelma.

I'm returnin' your
no-stick bundt pan.

- Oh, that thing is a lifesaver.
- Don't I know it.

There's nothin' worse
than a stuck bundt.

Don't tell me... Luann Fayette.

That woman's been here
enough in the past three weeks

to change votin' precincts.

Well, ever since her divorce,

she and Naomi have
become bosom buddies.

Yeah, well, Naomi's
the buddy part.

She even invited
herself to stay for lunch.

Oh, don't you just hate it

when people force
themselves on you at mealtime?

Oh, tuna potato-chip casserole.

I haven't had that in ages.

Well, forget it, Iola.

There's not enough room

for you and that set of pompoms!

♪♪ Waa ♪♪

♪♪ Wa-watusi ♪♪

Sing it, Naomi.

♪♪ Waa wa-watusi ♪♪

Well, hi, Bubba.

♪♪ Come on and take a chance ♪♪

No, no, Naomi,
you're doin' the pony.

The Watusi is more
like the jerk, remember?

♪♪ Waa wa-watusi ♪♪

Oh, yeah.

♪♪ Waa wa-watusi ♪♪

Woo!

Alright, wiggle
worm, that's enough.

Now, mama, Luann was
just showin' Bubba her Watusi.

This is my livin' room

not "American Bandstand."

What is the problem?
We're just havin' fun.

Yeah.

It's time you went upstairs

and took a hot shower.

Yes, ma'am.

And, it's time you went home

and took a cold one.

Here you go, Iola.

I'll tell you what.

What would the Sunday school be

without you and your felt board?

Moses partin' the red
sea was such a success,

I decided to press on
through the new testament.

Tomorrow's lesson is
"Castin' the first stone."

Oh, I see... there's the crowd

and there's all the stones

they're gonna
throw at the harlot.

There's the well.
Who's this over here?

- Well, Thelma, that's Jesus.
- Oh!

Why in the world did
you put him in red?

I had so much left
over from the red sea.

Do you know the price of felt?

Oh, honey, we are
gonna have the best time.

Yeah.

Ms. Harper, look at my outfit.

What do you think of it?

Iola, you want to hand me
a couple of them stones?

Boy, you know, it's been
years since we played putt-putt?

I almost feel like
a teenager again.

Who knows, Skeeter?

Maybe we'll end up
parking on Ray Ridge.

Oh, baby.

Oh, brother.

Hello.

Just a minute.

It's for you, Vinton.

Yo.

Hey, Elgin, I was
just about to call you

and tell you what
time we'd... What?

Oh.

Oh, gee, that's too bad, Elg.

Well, look, big guy, if
there's anything we can do

don't hesitate to call.

Yeah. Ciao.

Well, what's the matter, honey?

Elgin's dad's trailer
slipped off its blocks

and he's got to get there
before the butane t*nk explodes.

sh**t. That ruins everything.

Luann is gonna be heartbroken

A trailer park is about
to go up in flames

and all you can think
about is Luann's love life?

I'm sure she'll survive.
She always does.

For your information,
this would have been

her first date
since her divorce.

She will be devastated.

Oh, Vinton, we've just got
to think of somebody else.

Yeah, yeah. What
about Wiley Jenkins?

I heard he's back
together with his wife.

That never stopped him before.

What about that
nice Johnny Kilgore?

I hardly think Luann
would be interested

in a toothless mink farmer.

Oh, let's face
it... it's a bust.

Who we gonna find to go
out with Luann this late?

Hey, everybody!

What's happenin'?

- Bubba.
- Over my dead body.

What is the problem, Ms.
Harper? It's just a little date.

Don't be ridiculous. Bubba
shouldn't spend his weeknight

with some bimbo twice his age.

Wait a minute, grandma.
Let's think about this.

Ms. Harper, I won't hear another
word against Luann Fayette.

She is my best friend.

She's just a good-natured,
fun-lovin' gal, like Naomi.

I rest my case.

Now, come on, mama.

It won't be like Bubba's
goin' out with Luann alone.

Me and Naomi will
be along to chaperone.

That is like puttin' the sharks
in charge of the scuba lessons.

I know this is none
of my business...

I'm glad you recognize that.

It saves me from havin'
to tell you to butt out.

I don't know what you are
so worried about, Ms. Harper.

All we're gonna be doin'
is playin' miniature golf

in a well-lighted,
public facility.

Yeah, it's not like a real date.

It's not like the drive-in
or the boat show.

I don't care if it's an
Amish barn-raisin'.

I do not want Bubba
goin' with Luann.

And just what is the
matter with Luann?

- You got a couple hours?
- Can I say somethin'?

No.

Now, once and for
all, Luann Fayette

is not the kind of woman I want
my grandson associatin' with!

Just because
Luann is a little flashy

doesn't mean she's a bad person.

A little flashy? You
could stick her in a harbor

and ships would
be safe for miles!

Luann is just stylish
and a trendsetter.

She is not the tramp that
you like to make her out to be.

Yeah, she's just a simple,
down-to-earth country girl.

Hi, everybody!

Well, it's a special occasion!

- Hi.
- Hi.

Does that thing
come with batteries?

- Come on in, Luann. Sit down.
- Oh, thanks, Vint.

Hi, Ms. Harper, Iola.

Hi, Luann.

Hey, Bubba. What's shakin'?

As if you didn't know.

Naomi, you better
tell her about Elgin.

Elgin? What about him?

I'm awful sorry, Luann, but
he's not gonna be able to make it.

He had a family emergency.

Oh, no.

Well, I guess that's
just the way it goes

in the life of Luann Fayette.

Que sera, sera.

Oh! Now, Luann,
don't take it to heart.

I'm sure the three of
you will have a ball.

The three of us?

You don't want a third
wheel taggin' along.

I'll find somethin'
to do by myself.

Good idea. You two go on ahead.

Luann will find
somethin' to do by herself.

I'm sure she's got a
million projects to work on

if she's anything like me.

She is nothing like you!

Luann, you are
gonna come with us

because Vinton and
I have a date for you.

Don't we, honey?

I think we do. Don't we, Bubba?

I think we do.

- Well, I think we don't!
- I think we do!

If you'll excuse us,
Bubba and me have got

some more thinkin'
to do in the kitchen!

Now, let us discuss this calmly
and reasonably like adults.

You are not goin'.

That's not fair, grandma!

Don't you take that
tone with me, mister!

Grandma, why can't I
go? It's just miniature golf.

You may not go. You've got
your whole life ahead of you.

You're gonna have
plenty of other opportunities

to go golfin' with older women.

Yeah? Well, I don't
have to do what you want!

You're not my mother!

I can't believe you
would talk to me like that.

Well, fine! You're right...
I'm not your mother!

I'm just a poor, old widow woman

who took you in and
clothed you and fed you

and let you play
those god-awful drums!

I would have thought
that my kindness

would have entitled me to
have some say in your life,

but I guess I was mistaken.

You're free to do as
you please, Bubba.

So if goin' out with that
floozy is more important

than breakin' your
grandmother's heart, so be it.

I'll leave this up
to you, Bubba.

Thanks, grandma.

Okay, everybody, let's go!

Luann, you got
yourself a date, honey!

Well, Bubba, won't this be fun?

Way to go, mama! I
knew you'd back down.

It's like you said, Vinton,
it's not a real date and since

it's not a real date, it won't
matter if I come along, too.

- What?
- Grandma, you can't.

No, we're gonna
be playin' in pairs.

No problem. Iola
will be my partner.

I will?

You'll have the
time of your life.

It's like I always say
with miniature golf,

the more the merrier!

Well, don't just stand
there, everybody,

it's Saturday night!
Let's get down and party!

Woo-whee! Wasn't
that just the most fun?

I must say, Thelma,

you were right about
"the more the merrier."

Yep. The more people you
play, the more people you b*at.

You don't have to rub it in.

This was supposed to be a
fun evenin', not the pro-am tour.

Oh, don't be such a
bunch of sore losers.

I thought you all
played this game before.

Let's face it, Thelma...
You and I are a power duo.

Yep!

Hey!

I'm gonna run on home and
show daddy my score card.

- Bye, everybody!
- Bye.

I think maybe I'll
run on home, too.

Luann, you can't
be leavin' this soon.

It's just the shank
of the evenin'.

I think everybody
wants to call it a night.

What a bunch of party poopers!

Well, I had a wonderful time.

Didn't we all? Maybe we'll do
this again next Saturday night.

Yeah... maybe.

I'll call you tomorrow.

Okay.

- Goodnight.
- Goodnight, Luann.

Why don't I walk
you to your car?

Why, thank you, Bubba.

Hurry back, Bubba,

'cause now I'm gonna b*at
the three of you in Yahtzee!

Oh, no thanks, mama.

We are going to bed.
Come along, darling.

We'll play our own game.

Tonight I'm gonna let you win.

Well, I can't imagine that it's
gonna be more fun than Yahtzee!

sh**t! It's hell
bein' a party animal

with a dull family like mine.

Luann, I really had
a good time tonight.

Sorry it didn't turn out
the way you planned.

Oh, don't be sorry.

Bein' with you made
me feel like a kid again

and that's somethin'
for an old gal like me.

Well, sh**t! You're not old.

You don't think so?

Heck, no! You're
just... all grown up.

You're lookin' mighty
grown up yourself.

Thanks.

Well, I guess I'd
better be goin'.

Oh, well, yeah, I
guess you know best.

Well, toodle-oo.

My goodness! This night
air has gotten me parched.

It has?

Yes, I'm suddenly
so, um, thirsty.

Oh, I know.

Why don't I go get
you somethin' to drink?

Bubba, how thoughtful of you.

Stay right there. Don't
move! I'll be right back!

Wait a minute! I gotta
put somethin' in here.

Think, Bubba. Think.

sh**t! What'll I give her?

Water would be just fine.

Yeah, right. Water.
That's what I was thinkin'.

Ha ha.

U-uh!

Bubba, I'm not making
you nervous, am I?

Oh, no, not at all.

Oh, boy, that
really hit the spot!

Relax, Bubba... I don't bite.

I know. It's just that,
now that we're alone

I'm n-not really
sure how to act.

Why don't you just do
what comes... natural?

Bubba, what the hell's
goin' on down there?

Nothin', grandma!
Just go back to sleep.

I'm wide awake now.

Why don't I just come in
and join you for a little snack?

Quick! You gotta hide!

Uh, no. Too small.

I know... in here.

Well, good lord, Bubba.
Look at this mess.

I just broke a
glass, that's all.

Well, this never
would have happened

if we'd have been
playin' Yahtzee.

Bubba, what in the world
have you gotten your face into?

Don't cut yourself there.
Just let me get the broom.

Uh, grandma!

What?

I can explain everything.

Well, what's to
explain, sweetie?

It's only a broken jelly glass.

You know, Bubba,

it takes a big man
to admit he's wrong

and the same thing
goes for a big woman.

What are you talkin'
about, grandma?

I'm talkin' about you and Luann.

Who?

Luann!

Bubba, I misjudged
you this evening.

I was sure that
goin' out with that girl

was just gonna send your
hormones right into orbit.

I knew you were
gonna be clingin' to her

like gum on a shoe.

But I was wrong.

There you were at that putt-putt

so well-mannered and polite.

You made me real proud.

You even had a positive
effect on that dolled-up doxy.

Come on, grandma.
Luann's not so bad.

Maybe you're right.

That poor thing's got
her own cross to bear.

Lord, I know what it's like
livin' without a husband.

I think maybe I've been
a little bit too hard on her.

I'm gonna give her
a call in the mornin'

and see if she'd like
to go with me to church.

That'd be nice.

Well, it's gettin' late.
I'm gonna run up to bed.

Nightie-night,
sweetie, and thank you.

For what?

For bein' the upstandin',
fine young man

I always knew you were.

Well, I guess you heard.

Yeah.

She sure said some
mighty nice things about you.

Yeah. I never felt
worse in my life.

Me either.

I think I better be goin' home.

I'll just go out the back.

Okay.

I want you to know I had a
real nice time with you, Bubba.

Same here.

Well, I guess both of us

learned somethin'
about ourselves tonight.

Yeah.

I was kind of hopin'
to learn somethin' new.

Goodnight, Bubba.

See you in church.

Grandma, I thought
you went to bed.

Well, Bubba, whatever
it is, it's spreadin'.

I got all the way upstairs

and I realized that
I'd forgotten my pie

and I can't go to bed
without my pecan fix.

Who in the world is
out there at this hour?

Uh, it's probably just
the garbage truck.

Sometimes they come real early.

There's not a garbageman
alive that's gonna pick up

coffee grounds at 11:30
on a Saturday night.

Well, good lord! It's Luann!

No!

How do you like that? She's
been out here all this time.

I guess we both
know why, don't we?

- We do?
- Yes, we do.

It's been so long since she
was around a nice, decent family

she just didn't want to leave.

Bubba, I've got to do
somethin' to stop this rash.

You already have.

Well, I've never seen a
rash so perfectly round.

I hope it isn't ringworm.