05x19 - April Fools

[bunniefuu]

Hello, little aphids!

Time for your mornin' bath.

April Fool, you
dirty sap-suckers!

Now, roll over and die!

- What's up?
- Ah!

- Cut it out, Grandma!
- Good Lord, Bubba!

I thought you were a giant
aphid come back from the dead.

Grandma, I think that bug
spray is startin' to get to you.

Well, what's a few brain cells
compared to a beautiful yard?

Well, here... let
me give you a hand.

Oh! Bubba!

April Fool! Got you, Grandma.

Lord, I hate that April Fool.

Just cut out the comedy.

Go put on some work clothes.

You promised to help
me in the yard today.

Oh, here you are, Bubba.

Come on, big guy.
We don't wanna be late.

Late for what, a camel ride
with Lawrence of Arabia?

No, the pancake breakfast
my lodge is throwin'

in the food circus parkin' lot.

Oh, no, you gold rings
promised to help me today.

Now, we've got a
million things to do

to get this yard
ready for inspection.

What inspection?

Admiral Pfefferman and her
Raytown Beautification Society.

They're judging all next week
for the Golden Troll Award,

and I'm gonna win it
this year if it kills all of us.

Oh, Mrs. Harper, why
don't you just forget

about that Golden Troll?

You made us work
like slaves last year

and we didn't even
get honorable mention.

Much less Most
Beautiful Yard in Raytown.

And I figured out why.

That's because
Admiral doesn't just look

at your yard and your flowers.

She sticks that stuck-up
nose of hers everywhere.

Your front yard, your
backyard, your garage.

She even does a white-glove
test on the trash cans.

Yeah, that sounds
like Admiral, alright.

Yeah, sh**t. I remember
when she was my den mother

in the Cub Scouts.

Every week she used
to say, "Now, boys."

You know how she talks.

"Now, boys," she'd say,

"a happy camper
is a clean camper."

Then she'd make us
scrub out our mess kits.

Yeah, you were
the only scout troop

to ever earn a
merit badge in Brillo.

Well, if we're gonna spend
the whole day doin' yard work

we gotta go fuel
ourselves up with flapjacks.

That's right, Bubba.

Come on, Mrs.
Harper, come with us.

Oh no, not me. I got
too many weeds to pull.

Uh-oh.

Mama, I wouldn't
pull any over there.

Why not?

Because there's a snake!

k*ll it! k*ll it!

April Fool, mama.

Oh!

I hate this April Fool!

I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!

Vinton Harper, you oughta
be ashamed of yourself.

Why, you could've given
your mama a heart att*ck.

Yeah, well, thank you, Naomi.
At least somebody in this family

has the good sense not
to be playin' stupid jokes.

That's right. I
wouldn't dream of it.

We'll see you later, mama.

Happy weeding.

Well, I don't know
what's so funny

about eatin' pancakes
in a parkin' lot.

Oh, now, Thelma, I
know it pays to advertise

but I think this
is overdoin' it.

Good Lord!

Don't those numskulls
know when to quit?

Don't tell me your
family did this.

Well, who else? Farmer John?

I've had it with
those pranksters!

They don't have any
time at all for chores,

but they got all the time in
the world for April foolery.

Well, what you need
is a little coffee break.

What I need is a new family.

Now, come on, I
made your favorite.

Lemon sponge cake.

Oh, bless your heart.
How can I say no?

Ooh, Thelma, watch your step.

Spilt ink.

Oh, grow up, Iola.

Don't you know this is
the age of the ballpoint?

Every April 1st those idiots
booby-trap this whole house

with the same dumb jokes.

Look.

Oh! This year, they
used lime scent.

Oh, my word! I feel like
I'm in Pee-Wee's playhouse.

I can hardly wait to see
what those merry madcaps

have done to my kitchen.

Oh! Eek!

Look, flies in my ice.

And what do you wanna bet?

Ah! A dribble glass.

So funny I forgot to laugh.

Here, Iola.

Help me change back
the salt and the sugar.

Well..

Well, I must say, they
certainly go all out.

Oh, they're just
warmin' up for the biggie.

- The biggie?
- Oh, yeah.

Every year they play some
elaborate practical joke on me.

And every year I fall for it.

I've been locked out
of the house in my slip.

I had a salesman show
up at my door one year

to measure me for a truss.

Last year, they wrote, "For
a good time, call Thelma"

on the men's room
at the Bigger Jigger.

They didn't.

I got 16 heavy breathers,
half of 'em collect.

Well, if you ask me

April Fools' Day
should be outlawed.

Amen.

Now, let's have a nice
piece of lemon sponge cake.

Now you're talkin'.

Dig in.

April Fool!

I got you!

Get out, you jokin' jackass!

- Where's your sense of humor?
- Out!

You're lucky I didn't
bring the bear claws.

Out, out, out! And take
your sponge cake with you!

Lord!

Just get me through this day.

Good Lord. This crab
grass has got a death grip!

Either that or I'm
havin' a tug of w*r

with the gopher from hell.

Oh, takin' a little rest, Mama?

No, Vinton, I'm posin' for the
House and Garden centerfold.

Don't even touch me!

Alright, you
loafers, let's hop to.

Now, while you change
into your work clothes

I'm gonna run next
door to the Whittaker's

and borrow their wheelbarrow.

Oh, wait a second, grandma.

You haven't heard
the great news.

What great news?

We can't work in the yard today.

And why not?

Because we won the door
prize at the pancake breakfast!

And it is four free tickets

to the "Welcome to Spring"
Waterski Show on Ray Lake!

And they're grandstand seats.

Close enough to get
splashed and everything.

It's the chance of
a lifetime, grandma.

Yeah, they're even
bringin' in an Evinrude

all the way from
Cypress Gardens.

Isn't it great?

Awesome.

You mean to tell me that you
are actually tryin' to weasel out

of your chores, so you can watch
a bunch of skinny women wave

like ninnies, while they
straddle each other's necks?

You said it.

What about all of your promises?

Bubba, you said you were
gonna clean out the garage.

And, Vinton, you said
you're gonna fix my dryer

so I wouldn't ugly up my
yard with all your wet laundry.

And, Naomi, you swore you're
gonna help get these caladiums

in the ground.

Oh, lighten up, Mrs. Harper.
The yard looks just fine.

You should just forget
about Admiral Pfefferman

and that silly
Golden Troll Award.

Yeah, Grandma, come
with us to the ski show.

We're gonna pack a picnic
lunch and have a tailgate party.

Your tail belongs here!

Vinton Harper.

Did you or did you not,
give me your solemn oath

that you were gonna
help me in this yard?

Well, yeah.

And now you're
just merrily runnin' off

and leavin' me in the lurch?

Yeah.

Just what gives you the
right to go back on your word?

April Fools'.

Alright, Bubba, I'm
going to make you

whatever kind of
sandwich you want.

Peanut butter
with strawberry jelly

or peanut butter with grape?

I'll have one of each.

Alright.

Uh, hey, Skeeter.

Can the dry cleaners get
maple syrup out of a fez?

Sure, honey.

Oh, uh, Bubba..

I think we'd better
hold off on the jokes.

Mama's gettin' awful cranky.

Ah! She loves April Fools' Day.

She just pretends
she doesn't like it.

Yeah, well, she's certainly
doin' a very good job.

Yeah, I think we'd better
wait till next April Fools'

to put the Jell-O in her bed.

It's too good a joke to waste.

Honey, you're putting
the salt in your coffee!

No, he's not.

We switched the salt
and the sugar this morning.

Oh.

Now, that's coffee.

Hello? Oh, sh*t.

Hold on a second.

Hello?

Hello, is this the
Harper residence?

Uh, yes, it is.

This is Admiral Pfefferman.

- Who?
- Pfefferman.

P-F-E-F-F-E-R-M-A-N. Pfefferman.

I think it's Mrs. Pfefferman.

Surprise, surprise!

I made my rounds early
this year, and congratulations!

Your yard has been selected
to win the Golden Troll Award.

Do you mean it? We
won the Golden Troll!

- Oh!
- Hey!

The mayor and I will
drop by this afternoon

for the presentation along
with the photographers

from the newspaper
and a TV camera crew.

Honey, we are gonna
be a media event.

I look forward to seeing you
around 4-ish. Ta-ta for now.

- Ta-ta!
- Ta-ta from me, too!

Oh boy, I can't wait
till Grandma hears this!

Wait a minute, Bubba, I
wanna be the one to tell her!

No, me first. I
answered the phone.

No, I'm going to!

Mama! Mama?

Where is she?

She said she was going
over to the Whittaker's.

Hey, Miss Boylen!
Come over here, quick!

Oh, Mrs. Harper!

Mrs. Harper, you're
not gonna believe it!

Mama, we won. We
won the Golden Troll!

Yes!

- What?
- Yeah.

Mrs. Pfefferman
just called, Grandma.

You won!

I won?

I won?

Hallelujah, I won!

Did you hear
that, little daffodils?

We won! We won!

Oh, thank you, Mr. Shrub!

Thank you, Mr. Grass!

I won! I won! My
life is complete!

Oh, mercy! Is it a seizure?

Get her in the house
and lie her down!

Pack her in ice!
Somebody call 911!

Bubba, grab that rake,
stick it in her mouth.

Don't let her
swallow her tongue!

For cryin' out loud,
get a grip, you ditz!

- I just won the Golden Troll!
- You did?

Yeah, they're makin' the
presentation at 4 o'clock.

- We're all gonna be on TV.
- Yeah.

Hold it, I can't go
on the Nightly News

in this old rag!

Yeah, I gotta get duded up, too.

I'm showerin' first!

- No, you're not!
- No, you're not!

Thelma, congratulations!

Congratulations, my Aunt Fannie.

Don't you know
what they're doin'?

Usin' up all the hot water?

No, they're settin'
me up for a fall.

They didn't get a
phone call from Admiral.

- They didn't?
- Heck, no!

This is another one
of their April Fool jokes

and the cruelest one ever.

Well, shame on them!

Let's go in and
give 'em what for!

Wait a minute, I
got a better idea.

You go home and get
into your work clothes.

- Work clothes?
- Yeah.

You and I are gonna pull
an April Fool joke of our own.

I tell you, Bubba...

No matter how hard you try...

you can't get a Hush
Puppy to hold a shine.

That's why I always
wear sneakers.

Well, boys?

What do you think?

Wow! You look sensational!

Yeah, Skeeter, you are gonna
put that Golden Troll to shame.

Oh.

I bet we're the best-lookin'
family that ever won.

Uh-huh.

Whoo!

Lord, it is hot
out there for April.

Mrs. Harper, you look horrible!

Well, I've been
workin' in the yard.

What's your excuse?

Mama, the yard already won.

What were you doin' out there?

Well, I just wanted to add

a few last-minute
finishin' touches.

I tell you, you're not
gonna recognize it.

Come on out, have a look.
Come on, come on. Look.

Well?

What do you think?

You're right, there is a
little somethin' missin'.

There, perfect.

Oh, Mama, what have you done?

What's the matter?
You don't like it?

Mrs. Harper!

You are parading my panties
for the whole town to see.

Well, that's alright, sweetie.

Half the town's
seen 'em already.

This is all that old
junk from the garage.

It just looks terrible.

Yeah, but the garage
is neat as a pin.

Mama, have you lost your mind?

You got everything out
here but the kitchen sink.

Okay, Thelma,
where do you want it?

Oh, I saved a spot for it,
right there by the fertilizer.

Don't you realize that
at 4 o'clock this afternoon

every paparazzi in Raytown
is gonna descend on this lawn?

Yeah, well, I just thought
they should capture us

the way we really are.

But it looks like a
bunch of pigs live here!

You got it, P... P... Porky.

This yard was lookin' much
too manicured, anyway.

So true, Iola.

Grandma, what are you doin'?

Oh, I guess I'm just a cut-up.

April Fool, you garden slugs!

April Fool?

What are you talkin' about?

You don't think I actually

fell for that Golden
Troll malarkey, do you?

You got to get up
pretty early in the mornin'

to fool Thelma Harper.

But Grandma, you
really did win the award.

Oh, yeah, right, I also
won the Kentucky Derby

the Nobel Peace prize
and the Pillsbury Bake-off.

Mrs. Harper, this is not a joke!

Admiral Pfefferman
called here herself.

- Vinton spoke to her.
- That's right, Mama.

She spelt her name
and everything.

Cross my heart and hope to die.

- Spell it!
- P-F-E-F-F-E-R-M-A-N.

Uh-oh.

Oh, Thelma, it's true.

Oh, no, how do you like this?

The one time I try to be
funny, and the joke's on me.

Just look at this place.

I couldn't even
win best junkyard.

Where you goin', Grandma?

I'm gonna go call Admiral
and tell her not to bother comin'.

I'm throwin in the troll.

Now wait, Mama, don't give up.

There's still time
before they come.

Yeah, Vint's right.

If we all pitch in
we can clean up

this yard lickety-split.

You really think so?

Sure. I'll go get the pickup

and haul this junk
up to the dump.

And I will get the
laundry basket

and take in the wash.

I'll go out to the shed and get
the flowers and start plantin'.

Well, maybe there
is hope after all.

Yeah, well, what do you
want me to do, Mama?

Uh, here, spread
a little sunshine.

Okay, I just made my
last trip to the dump.

And the last of the
caladiums are in.

Boy, I haven't worked this hard

since Mrs.
Pfefferman's scout troop.

Hold it. Don't anybody
move. It's gone!

Oh, What is it, Skeeter?
Your wedding ring?

No, one of my
Lee press-on nails.

Oh, for pity's sake.

A plastic fingernail is
the least of our worries.

It's nearly 4 o'clock.

We look like a
bunch of field hands.

Well, yeah, but at least
we got the yard finished.

Yeah, no thanks to Mama.

Where the heck has
she been all this time?

My, oh my.

I tell you, there is nothin'
like a nice, long soak

in a nice, hot bath

to make you feel
like a million bucks.

Well, everything's
back in shape, Grandma.

- What do you think?
- Oh, isn't it lovely!

I tell you, it is amazing

how much my little busy
bees can get accomplished

when they put their minds to it.

And just in the nick of time.

Admiral and the media
will be here any minute.

- Are you sure?
- Well, yeah.

Mrs. Pfefferman said
she'd be here at 4 o'clock.

Well, Vinton, I think you
need to listen more closely.

What she said was...

"See you around
4-ish. Ta-ta for now."

She sounds just like..

Mama, you mean that
was you on the phone?

It certainly was, my dear boy.

Mrs. Harper, how could you!

It was easy, I used the phone

when I went next
door to the Whittaker's.

You know to borrow
the wheelbarrow.

You mean we did all
this work for nothin'?

It wasn't for nothin'.
It was for... April Fool.

Oh, Thelma! How deceitful!

What's the matter?

Can't you take a joke, Iola?

Come on back, we'll have
some lemon sponge cake.

Dirty pool, grandma.

Because of you, we
missed our ski show!

Yeah... because of you

I now have grass
stains all over my dress.

Well, I'm sure it's
not the first time.

Shame on you, Mama.

That was the rottenest
joke I ever heard!

Oh, it most certainly is not!

You pulled a much
bigger joke on me.

- When?
- The day you were born.