03x10 - Buffalo Chicken Pizza

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Mythic Quest". Aired: February 7, 2020 – present.
Follows a team of video game developers as they navigate the challenges of running a popular MMORPG called Mythic Quest.
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03x10 - Buffalo Chicken Pizza

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Come on, Poppy. Get up. It's
not the end of the world.

We've run out of money,
and no one wants our game.

It's the end of the g*dd*mn universe.

[SIGHS] No, it's not.

Just because Playpen got sh*t down

by every VC in town
doesn't mean it's over.

That is exactly what it means, Dana.

I'm a complete failure. I wish I was...

d*ad? The Mythic Quest movie is d*ad

just because we lost a few players?

[JACQUES] Without a new expansion,

we no longer have the built-in audience

to make a film project viable.

Look at the quarterly numbers.

Jacques and Jean-Luc,

I... I... I've worked my butt off

to keep both the game
and the movie on track.

And as a producer, I feel
like I've satisfied...

... the terms of your parole.

So, that's it?

You are free to work in
the financial sector again

and become an upstanding
member of society.

Hmm. Don't care for that last part.

[CHUCKLES] What's next
for you, Mr. Bakshi?

[SIGHS] I seem to be at a crossroads.

Hmm, maybe I could...

... hold a pillow over my
face and put me down gently.

the only thing left to do.

Look, you need to take time
to regroup, and you'll be...

Overdramatic? I'm sorry. I'm upset.

We have made...

A huge...

... mistake.

[IAN] How long's she been like this?

[DANA] Two days.

I don't get it. It's a d*ad game.

[IAN] Yeah. [SIGHS] She'll
sit in there for weeks,

perfecting code for no
other reason than to do it.

So, what are we gonna do?

[CLICKS TONGUE] I don't know.

You don't know?



I mean, even when you don't know,
you at least pretend that you do.


Come on.

She's the micro. You're the macro.

This is a macro problem. Do your thing.

It just feels different,

like something's broken

and I don't know how to fix it.

Well, you better figure it out,

or your partner may
never come out of there.

David, you need to be strong.

My entire career in Hollywood
is over before it ever began.

Well, I brought something
that might help. Here.

Is it cookies?

Yep. [SIGHS]

- You lied to me.
- I did what needed to be done.

- What is this?
- It's my termination paperwork.

You're resigning?

No, you're f*ring me.

- I'm confused.
- Mythic Quest is dying.

But if you bring the players back,
Montreal will bring the movie back.

Now is your chance to
create something new.

But in order to do that
you have to be respected,

which means you gotta be feared.

- By f*ring you?
- Standing up to Ian and a movie star

has created a mystique
of power around you.

- The whole office is talking about it.
- Oh.

Yeah, when I was in the
kitchen area this morning...

[STAMMERS] ... I did
feel a bit of mystique.

Yes, and that mystique
will make them fear you,

but you have to complete your journey.

You have to k*ll the
person who got you here.

That's insane.

f*re me. Show them that k*ller
instinct you've got inside of you.

Right. Right.



- Can I come over there?
- Whatever makes you comfortable.

Jo... [SIGHS]

[BLOWS] It's hard because you're
the best assistant I've ever had.



You're fired.

Goodbye, David. [SIGHS]

Bye, Jo.


- What are you doing?
- [CRIES] I'm adding to that mystique.


I've been fired. Fired! He fired me.

That man in there is a
k*ller. Watch your backs.

Good luck.



Goodbye. Goodbye.


Someone get him a cookie!

Well, that was disturbing.


Yet effective.


Brad, look. It's my first
monetization bonus check.

[SCREAMS] Can you believe it?

I think I might be a real
respected business bitch, baby!

Sorry, that was inappropriate.
I've been hanging out with Carol.


What's wrong? You okay?


Do you wanna hold my check?
Would that make you feel better?

But don't bend it, 'cause I
wanna put it in my dream journal.

Money's fun to chase.
Keeps the game interesting.

But what if you conquered the game?

What game?

This. Life.

Over the past year, I played life
on hard mode and I speedran it.

I went from a convict to a janitor
to the Head of Monetization,

and it was so easy.

- Ooh. Uh, I'm the Head of Monetization.
- Only because I engineered it.

- I could take it from you in an instant.
- I wouldn't let you do that,

'cause I'm a badass boss bitch.

Oh, please. I single-handedly caused you

to abandon all your principles.

Practically overnight I turned you

from a socialist into
a greedy capitalist

who's mooning over a check like
a dog with its hump-stuffie.

[SIGHS] Oh, my God. You're right! Ew!

- You wanna pick that up?
- Yes, very much so.


No, your job's safe.

I need a real challenge.




There we go.

Uh, can I get everyone's
attention for just a sec?

Look, I know some of you are aware

of the MQ movie being canceled
and, uh, the declining numbers.

Uh, but just, rest
assured, um, we will fix it.


Yeah, 'cause I'm in charge, so fear not.



Well, fear a little. Fear
me, but not the situation.

Because I have a plan.

We are gonna launch a new
expansion for Mythic Quest.

What is it? I don't know. But
you know who knows? You do.

Because I believe that sitting
amongst you is a creative genius.

I mean, one of you has to be,

statistically speaking.
It's a numbers thing, right?

One of you is a... is a fresh,
young, undiscovered voice

who just needs the
opportunity. Well, here it is!

A sign-up sheet to hear your
great idea. So who has it?

Yes! Yes, you!

- Oh. [LAUGHS]
- Sorry, do you work here?

Oh, I'm Mikey, one of the new
testers. Well, me and Andy here.

[LAUGHS] Yes, sir. Appreciate the job.

Uh... [STAMMERS] yeah.
You're welcome. Yeah.

So-So, you guys feel like
you have big ideas, huh?

Yes. We feel like we bring a fresh,
outsiders' perspective to the job.

Yeah. This is sort of
a second career for us.

I was a paralegal for almost years.

Former math teacher. Not
really a video game guy.

Yeah. No, me neither. Just trying
to connect with my adult son.

- He loves video games.
- Uh-huh.

Yeah, I'm making up for lost time.

You know, kind of missed out
on a lot of his childhood.

[CLEARS THROAT] I chose a-a
liquor bottle over my own child.

Hey, hey, hey. It can't be your fault.

- Yeah. Uh, sober two years, everybody.
- Oh.

- Yeah.
- Wow.

[ANDY] Keep going. Stay in the present.

That's amazing.

Thank you.

I-I feel like... I feel like
we're getting off track here.

Okay... [STAMMERS] um,
big ideas. You have 'em?

Yes, the biggest. We believe
we're more than just testers, sir.

Look at that. That's passion. They
believe in themselves. I love that.

Former math teacher,

you know, probably ground up
by the... the system, right?

And a man trying to
reconnect with his adult son.

Um... [STAMMERS] but-but-but
they're passionate!

That's what it takes.

So, who here w-wants to sign up?

Let's do it! Let's build
something great! [LAUGHS]

- Sign up now. Let's go. Come on. Yeah.

Just, uh, put your names
on the ol' list here.

- Hi.

- I have a very important question for you.
- Hmm?

Can I pull off a cashmere pant? Just
for, like, lounging around, obvi.

[LAUGHS] Okay, Oprah.
Why you balling out?

Well, because I just got paid.

Like Republican-with-skeletons-
in-his-closet paid. Check it out!

Oh, wow.

That's a lotta zeros.

What's wrong? Wanna hold my check?

[LAUGHS] No, I'm good. And
I'm really happy for you.

You totally deserve that money.


I... [SIGHS]

I don't think I wanna
be at GrimPop anymore.

Oh, shit. Really?

- [DANA SIGHS] Yeah.
- Why?

Not a single VC wants
to invest in the game.

And even if Ian and
Poppy turn things around,

I don't think there's
a future for me there.

- Those two gotta figure their shit out.
- Yeah, they do. [SCOFFS]

Okay, how about this?

You take some time and figure
your shit out, and I'll support us.

I have enough money here

to put avocado on every sandwich
for the rest of the year.

All you need to do is figure out
where you wanna go to dinner tonight.

- Hello.
- Hello.

[INHALES DEEPLY] A new chapter begins.

Life is long. Today is but a
single stitch in a tapestry.

What's with the boxes?
Did you both get fired?

- I resigned.
- I am resigned.

I'm about to get out of
a bad situation, workwise.

I mean, it's kinda scary
not knowing what's next,

but it kinda feels good too.

Finally in control of my own destiny.

[CHUCKLES] Makes me feel so powerful.

I am drawn to power.

I wish to benefit from
power without consequence.

Totally. And I'm done working
for dysfunctional people.

I think I'm gonna do
my own thing, you know?

A fresh start.

A new challenge.


Guys, maybe this is
insane, but what if...

[BOTH] Yes.

Thanks for coming in, guys.

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

- We're excited to share our ideas.
- Super excited. Thank you for having us.

Well, hit me with your best
expansion idea. Don't hold back.

- Okay. Imagine a world...
- Picture this... Oh. Okay. You... You go.

Uh, okay. Uh, imagine a world...

Envision a futuristic wasteland.

A desert empire.

A bachelor apartment.

It's about a warrior.

A woman warrior.

It's about dogs.

It's about a warlock who has
no friends. But it's not me.

It's about a warrior
who pulls a lot of tail.


- It's a journey of friendship.
- Wai... And sobriety.

A-And math too.

This is a very personal story
that's deep into my heart... Oh.

Um, it closed.

It's really about my anxiety.

My sleep apnea.

- My depression.
- My anxiety and my depression.

I'm, uh, on the spectrum.

I have anger issues.

- And I have depression.

Narcissistic personality disorder.

disorder and magical thinking.

- Chlamydia.
- Did I say chlamydia?

- [EMPLOYEE ] Diabetes.
- [EMPLOYEE ] Type .

[EMPLOYEE ] Type dos.

I wanna take everything up here
and put it into a video game.

It'll be like nothing
you've ever seen before

but also kind of like Halo.

And he has the ultimate
w*apon in his pants.

In her pants.

If you get the problem right...

Heads be exploding.

Guts come gushing out.

Horrifically violent.

No v*olence.

Full-frontal male nudity.

It won't be addictive.

It's gonna cost you a ton of money.

- And that's basically it. So...
- Yeah.

That's it i... in a
nutshell. What do you think?

[MIKEY] Are we moving
offices? [CHUCKLES]

[IAN] Hi.


Got you something.

- What is it?
- Lunch.

Buffalo chicken pizza
from the gas station?

With ranch and blue cheese.


I'm a terrible partner.

You asked me for one thing, and I
couldn't give it to you. I'm sorry.

But my strength isn't in the details.

It's in the big picture, and I think
we've got a big picture problem.

Yeah. We do.

We're broken. Our
relationship is broken.

I... [SIGHS] I just kept
asking myself over and over,

"How do we fix it? How do
we fix it? How do we fix it?"

And then it just... it just came to me.

What i... What is it?

The answer to the question
of "How do we fix it?"


we don't.

We... We don't what?

We don't fix it. At all.

- What?
- I'm sensing some confusion,

so let me clarify.

How can I put this another way?


It is what it is.

That's even more confusing.

"It is what it is" is pretty clear.

It is what it is?

That's your big revelation?

Yeah, I am who I am. And I do what I do.

And you, you are who you
are, and you do what you do.

And that should be enough for us.

And if it isn't, then we shouldn't
be doing any of it anymore.

But then I'm subservient to you.

Only in your own mind.

[SIGHS] Look, you can't see
it, but you can build it.

I can see it, but I can't
build it. It is what it is.


It is what it is.

Yes. We are broken, but
in all the right places.

And for some reason, we, like,
fit together. I don't know why.

Humans are messy.
Relationships are insane!

I mean, we're a bunch of
monkeys that stood up straight

on a rock that's floating
around a ball of hot plasma

that's four billion years old.

And we're walking around like we
know what the f*ck is going on.

I don't know, man. All I know
is I love you, you love me,

and everything else is semantics.

W-We mess up, we apologize, we move on.

But the point is, no matter what

our relationship is worth it.

I love you too.


[STAMMERS] I love you too.

Yeah, I know. I just
covered that in my speech.

Hey, let me do this part.

You and I, we're never gonna change,

but I wanna keep trying
to meet you halfway.

Eat it.

Eat what?

The pizza. Eat it.


I wanna see you meet me halfway.

No. No, I... I can't eat that, Poppy.

I-I haven't had dairy or
gluten in, like, six months.

I haven't had a carb in a week.
I... That actually might k*ll me.

Poppy. Please don't make me eat that.



Now say, "Mmm, yummy."



Here you go. Wash it
down, mate. [CHUCKLES]

- Oh, my God. What flavor is this?
- [LAUGHS] Green.

Green is not a flavor.

Hey, it is what it is.


Dana, if that's your résumé
you're working on, stop right now.

- What?
- David needs a new expansion.

You need your next big
thing. It's a perfect match.

Just like us. [CHUCKLES]

Oh, uh...

Obviously we're not a perfect match.
Every relationship has its flaws.

Like, I love escape rooms, and you
hate them for some insane reason.

Why would I pay white
people to trap me in a room?

When you say it like that it's not fun.

But what I'm saying is, you would
be such an amazing creative director.

Like, you know Mythic
Quest inside and out.

You're so smart. You're
so talented. I just...

Thank you. But I don't
wanna work for David.

If this last year has
taught me anything,

it has taught me the kind
of boss I do wanna work for.

[DANA] Me.

[CHUCKLES] Oh, my God. This is amazing!

It's still in its early stages,
but I know I can do this.

I can see it.

I can see it too.


Well, if MQ goes belly-up,
maybe I can come work for you.

Oh, uh, actually I already have a HOMIE.

- Hello, Rachel.


You hired Brad.

Yeah. He needed a challenge,
and I needed a stone-cold k*ller.

Sorry, killers.

- Hello, Rachel.
- [YELPS] 'Kay.

Can you guys stop
sneaking up on me, please?

You're the one who
appeared out of nowhere.

Perhaps next time you
should make an appointment.

Ms. Bryant's very busy.


I'll see you at home?

Yeah. See you at home.


Hey, Rachel, I just want you to know

that I'm gonna do everything in
my power to help your girlfriend.

Oh, thanks, Brad. [CHUCKLES]

Crush you. And crush Mythic Quest
and anyone else who gets in her way.

Dana would never do
that. That's not her.

Oh, just like you would never
abandon all your convictions

for a paltry bonus check?

The one that you're currently
clutching in your pocket?

I'm... I'm not clutching anything.

I can hear it crinkle.

Back to work.

Hey, Dana. Want a mochaccino?

- [DANA] Yeah.
- [BRAD] Jo?

[JO] On it!

David! David, we've got some
news that we gotta tell you.


[POPPY] You okay, buddy?

Apart from my entire world

crumbling to ash all
around me, never better.

Oh. So this is either

the best time to tell you what
we're about to tell you or the worst.

It can't get worse.

- Great, yeah. Great.
- Perfect. Yeah. Okay.

Take a look at this.

- What am I looking at?
- Okay. So, we hit rock bottom emotionally.

Uh, but then we told each
other that we love each o...

- Well, no. Fir... First, Ian had an idea.
- Yeah.

You know, I'm realizing that
I started this wrong and...

- You could just let me...
- Do you wanna jump in?

- You're so good at this.
- Thank you.

- Thank you for saying that.
- You are.

David. We've got a genius,
cutting-edge game that has no community.

You've got a dying game
with a massive community

who's craving new content.

Content that they
themselves will now create.


So what are you saying?

- We're coming back to Mythic Que...
- To work here.

- Oh, I thought you were gonna say...
- I was gonna...

- Should we try it again?
- Yeah.

David. We're coming
back to Mythic Quest.

You were supposed to jump in.

I thought you wanted to do it.

No. It's about us doing it together.

- Oh, great. Okay, cool.
- Yeah. Ready?

- David, we're coming back t...
- Back!

- That's not the word. That's not the word.
- Oh.

You're coming back?

- I can get it.
- We're coming back to Mythic Quest.

Mythic Quest. [SQUEALS]

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