01x01 - Episode One

[bunniefuu]

Have you got a fire extinguisher?

-A f...?
-For putting out fires.

I've got one in the car, but I may need something bigger.

There's a fella round the corner reckoning to set fire to himself!

Thank you, we're on top of that.
How much for these?

Nice glasses.

Well, he can send himself to paradise - that's his choice -

but he's not taking my eyebrows with him.

Oh, what, you think I give a toss about what you do?

You're just bloody scum, you're like pigs, like animals!

-Do we know his name?
-Liam Hughes.

23.
Unemployed. Smackhead.

-What's he upset about?
-His ex.

-His ex.
-She finished with him three days ago,

now she's sleeping
with his best bud.

We've got a high-ranking
highly trained

specialist expert police negotiator
on his way over from Wakefield.

ETA?

Basically it's you and me, kid.

Go and close down the comedy
department.

The one and only...
human barbecue!

You come any closer and
I'm setting meself off, all right!

What's happened, Liam?

I don't know why
you've brought that.

If you accidentally
fireball yourself...

You're going to get foamed,
and believe you me,
it's not a good look.

How's it all come to this then, lad?

I've been humiliated.

Humiliated?

I don't want to talk about it
all right? OK.

You know, actions speak
louder than words.

OK. Can I just say this though,
Liam?

The lighter's making me nervous.

You've had a lot to drink
and you've got the shakes

and you might press it without intending
to, and I'd like you to put it down.

Leave me alone,
you stupid bitch.

You're upset,
I understand that.

The point I'm making is
that with all these fumes...

frankly, I don't know how
you're staying conscious -

you could go up any second
whether you intend to or not,

and once you go up,
you won't just go up a bit,

you'll go up a lot, and the
other big thing to say is, it hurts.

Three seconds in
and you'll be screaming at me

seven seconds in and you'll
be begging me to sh**t you.

I've a negotiator
on his way to you,

-but he's stuck in traffic.
-OK.

He says the big thing is to keep the
subject engaged in conversation.

Yeah, I think we've got that
covered.

I'm Catherine, by the way.

I'm 47, I'm divorced,
I live with my sister

who's a recovering
heroin addict.

I have two grown-up children.
One dead,

one who doesn't speak to me,
and a grandson. So...

Why? Why doesn't he speak to you?

It's complicated.
Let's talk about you.

Nevison'll see you now, Kevin.

Terrific.
Thank you.

-Kevin.
-Nevison.

-What's up?
-Nothing. Nothing's up.

As such. I...
Can I...?

Can I...?

The thing is...
OK...

Melissa.

-Melissa.
-My eldest.

I know who Melissa is, Kevin.

She's very bright,
she's very clever.

We tried to get her
in at Salter Hebble High,

but it's outside
the catchment area.

The thing is...

we - Jenny - it was Jenny's idea.

She - Melissa - sat the entrance
exam to St Bartholomew's.

They've offered her a place.
But not a scholarship.

There's a lot of competition.

We'd like to be able to send her
there, obviously,

but the thing is...

I'd need a pay rise.

If we can't send her there
she'll have to go to Wellesley Hill,

which - you know...
it does its best, but...

This is a great opportunity for her
at St Bartholomew's.

-I don't pay you peanuts, Kevin.
-No, Nevison, I know that.

How much is it?

-£9,800 a year.
-9,800. What about Catriona?

-Yeah, but she's not daft, is she?
-Catriona's eight.

You can't send one
and not the other.

Well, we'll cross that bridge
when we get there.

19,600 a year for five years,
most likely seven.

-That's just shy of £140,000.
-137,200.

Wellesley Hill's not a bad school,
Kevin.

-I'm not saying it is...
-A clever kid

will do well wherever they go.
Look at me!

That's... you're a great example
to all of us,

-of course, Nevison. That's...
-The thing is,

I've got 115 permanent
staff working here, Kevin.

I know how many people work here,
Nevison.

I do their wages.

If they all asked for a rise

so they could send their
kids to St Bartholomew's

I'd struggle to
make a profit, wouldn't I?

I didn't necessarily
mean the whole amount...

I'll tell you what I'm going to do,
Kevin.

I'm going to think about it.

-Catherine!
-Hello!

Hello. I thought I might catch you.

Do you know anything about this man that
tried to set fire to himself this morning?

Yes, he didn't.

No, I mean the one who
was threatening to.

An incident occurred and it was
dealt with swiftly and efficiently

-by community police officers.
-It's not engaging copy.

It really wasn't that exciting.

-Are you doing anything this evening?
-Telly.

You wouldn't
like to go out for something to eat?

I'm losing my job.

We all are.
Because The Gazette's closing down.

You're kidding.

128 years in print and now it's...

Well, it's not closing down,
it's all going online.

God, Richard, I'm really sorry.

They're announcing it
officially tomorrow.

I've got four weeks left.

Look, I've got to go,
I've got to pick Ryan up.

I assume you know.

But I only heard this morning,
I was covering something at court.

Tommy Lee Royce's been released.

Did you know?

No.

I mean, I knew it'd be around now,
but...

Apparently...
he's out.

-Oi!
-Catherine!

Hello! Sorry, you haven't
got five minutes, have you?

Ryan!

You're such a nice little boy, Ryan.
Most of the time.

But then you let this unpleasant
temper get the better of you.

And I understand you get frustrated,
but...

but you've got to find better
ways of dealing with it.

Did he...
hurt anyone?

Well, no, he hurt himself.

Nobody else got hurt,
but the point is, Ryan,

they could've done.

When you start throwing
chairs across the room

and using unacceptable language...

and, you see, we do have a responsibility
to protect the other children.

I'm watching telly.

Can you get changed first, please?

-Why?
-Cos I said so.

Can I have some juice, then?

-Need you ask?
-No,

-I mean are you getting it me?
-Get changed.

Lad down Sowerby Bridge set fire to
himself this morning.

-No, he didn't.
-Apparently.

Woman in the shop said.

Do you want these?

Oh, ta.

You been busy?

I've been up the allotment all
afternoon, I've only just got back.

There's some tea in the pot.

I saw Richard.

He asked me out for a meal tonight,
is that all right?

-Can you see to Ryan?
-Sure.

That's a bit mad. Isn't it?
A date with your ex-husband.

Won't the new younger model have
something to say?

He's been in bother again.

He chucked a chair
across the classroom

and told Mrs. Mukherjee to eff off.

Do you sometimes think
they over-react?

Tommy Lee Royce is out of prison.

Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, I heard.

Why didn't you tell me?

I didn't want to upset you.

You did your best.

Well, it wasn't good enough.

It doesn't matter.

It matters.

-At least he thought about it.
-And then he said no.

-It was always going to be unlikely.
-I'm not just anyone.

Jesus Christ!

No.
No, and he knows that.

Does he? Does he?
How does he know that?

What does he do that shows
he knows that?

You tell me one tiny thing he ever
does that shows me he knows that.

It isn't like Kevin's just anyone,
though, is it?

Of course he isn't.

And I did think about it.

Which is more than I would have
done for anyone else.

Anyone else,
I'd have said "on your bike".

The fact I've mentioned it to you

shows it's not a decision
I've taken lightly.

Doesn't it?
Eh?

You're not looking at me.

You don't think I'm going to agree
with anything you say, do you?

How much did we spend
on her education?

-Let's not go down that route again.
-And what good did that do?

I might as well have pissed it all
up against a wall.

Yeah, go on, and slam the door!

That was unnecessary.

I'm a nice fella, Helen.
And I'm a good boss.

I can't do for one what
I can't do for everybody.

Even if it is Kevin.

Have you...

had an OK day, love?

I don't know what it is
she doesn't get.

You don't move house when you've
just lost your job, do you?

-You'd get it.
-Yeah, well, you know.

-You married her.
-She goes,

"Oh, something'll crop up",
and I'm like,

"Well, what, I'm nearly 50, I'm not
trained for anything else".

No.
Well...

Speaking of which, what was the
story this morning with that fella?

Richard...

It was a domestic.

He was off his head on booze,
he was off his head on skunk.

His girlfriend had dumped him,
that's...

it's the usual everyday
story of country folk.

Where did they take him?

Where did who take him?

The paramedics.
I assume there were paramedics...

I don't know, I didn't ask.
Out of sight, out of mind.

How did you talk him down?

I didn't.
I tried to.

But then he got his cigarettes out.

He hadn't made the connection
that trying to light one of
his petrol-soaked cigarettes

would involve clicking his lighter,
so I foamed him.

What was his name?

I'm not...!

Do you want to know
what you should do next?

How about this?

Instead of trying to dish
the dirt on one poor, misguided,

misinformed numpty,
you write a big article.

Something you can sell
to one of the nationals

about why so much of
it goes on round here.

-So much...?
-dr*gs! Wasted lives!

This valley is awash with every kind
of crap you can get your hands on.

There's your story.

And you want to
know where they took him?

They probably took him to the
psychiatric unit

when in fact
All he needed

was a brief controlled
demonstration of how petrol

behaves when you put it anywhere
near a naked flame,

because he had no idea how
bad it would be.

Where's Tommy Lee Royce living?

I've no idea.

-Is he living round here?
-Catherine...

you know as much as me.
More, probably.

Hasn't he got a release address?

Yeah, his mother's.

I went back to the nick
and rang probation.

She lives in a terraced house
on Rishworth, but he won't be there.

Thanks.

Pleasure.

What time's she
expecting you back...

from Rotherham?

Midnight?

You'll have to come inside. I'm too
old to start shagging in cars.

We have no luck.

We have a nice house.
We have two fantastic children.

Huh. Nevison says people
make their own luck.

Well, maybe that's
easy for Nevison to say.

It's a stupid thing to say.

It isn't like anyone sets out to
be unlucky, is it?

We all take opportunities if we can.

If we see them.

I think we do very well.
All things considered.

All things considered?
What does that mean?

Nothing.
I just meant...

Given how little and dull
and ordinary we are.

Half that company
should be mine, Jenny.

And instead, every day I
have to go in there, smiling,

then bend over
and take it up the arse.

I'm sorry but that's how it feels.

Day after day,

week after week,

month after month.
Year after year.

There's pens left on this grave,
Granny!

-Ashley!
-Kevin.

-Jenny.
-Hi.

-Ladies!
-Hi, Ashley.

-Hiya.
-I've got a cheque for you.

-No rush.
-I'll pop down later.

Any time. You know me,
I'm not going anywhere.

I've sorted you out
your access, Jenny.

Wheelchair access
to the games room,

if you fancy playing table tennis.

Ashley!

You can play table tennis,
can't you? You're not...

I can. I love a game of table
tennis.

Good, well, it's all ready for you,
then.

Our Ben and our Sam are about if
you're short of someone to play with.

-Yeah! Can we get out, Dad?
-Sure.

-Bye, Mum! Bye, Dad!
-Bye!

Enjoy your weekend!

Take him. Ashley. Prime example.

-Of what?
-What I'm talking about!

You seen them cars?
Brand-new. 80-odd thousand.

All that from holiday caravan
rentals.

I'm in the wrong game
altogether.

I'm in the wrong God knows...
Everything.

Yes!

Was that Richard I heard last night?

We didn't do anything we haven't
done a thousand times before.

I'm not judging anybody.

I felt sorry for him.
Losing his job.

And she just goes on at him
apparently, and...

What?

I get lonely.

I didn't want Tommy Lee Royce

buzzing round in my head
all night, I wanted something else.

-Did it work?
-No.

He might not even be living round
here any more, he might've...

Clare.

He's the sort that thinks
Manchester is abroad.

It wouldn't occur to him
to go anywhere else.

He wouldn't know how to be
anywhere else.

He's like a rat.

He'll never be more
than three feet away.

Dad! Dad! Dad!

There's a red kite!
Dad!

Beautiful! Lovely!

-Look at that lads, eh?
-Ashley.

475.
Was that the right amount?

Spot on, Kevin.

sh*t.

That's...

What do you suppose that is, lads?

Search me, boss.
No idea.

Never seen owt like it.

Maybe you should ring the police.

Yeah. Yeah we should.
You're right.

I'll...

Can I just have a word with you,
Kevin,

regarding your next season's
rental on t'caravan?

There's a few bits and bobs I need to
go through with you.

Could...
we do that later?

I said I'd help Jenny unload
the shopping, she's...

Would you like a beer?

No, no, I...

-Come on, have a beer.
-I don't need a beer.

What's the matter?
I'm just offering you a beer.

Go and have a beer, Kevin.

Listen.

You don't need to worry. About me.

I haven't seen anything.

Well, I can see it.

-It's cannabis!
-No, I mean...

I mean I don't know why
there's bags of camel sh*t

in my bags of sand,
but why?

Are you accusing me
of something?

I don't want any trouble, Ashley.

I just want to go back to Jenny
and the caravan and...

I'm not happy making threats, Kevin.

I like Jenny, I'm fond of the girls,

but if you're accusing me of
something,

that's a very serious business.

Ashley. Ashley. This is...

You can trust me.

Believe me. I think people have to
make money

the best way they know how,
and yes, actually, yeah.

I would like a beer.

Knob.

How would you like to make
half a million pounds?

Sorry?

It's not something I could do
on my own.

I've thought it through, I've
thought through most of the details.

But I would need help.

Well, I'm listening.

Nevison Gallagher.
Has a daughter.

Ann.

Nevison could afford to lose
half a million pounds, easily.

Any more,
he might go to the police.

It'd take a good few days -
probably a week -

to let him get that
kind of money together,

in cash, without arousing
suspicion at the bank.

And I don't know where we - you -
would keep her.

As I say there's elements I haven't
thought through yet,

-but the basic...
-You're talking about...

Kidnapping her?!

She's just finished college,
she hasn't got a job.

No-one apart from them would miss
her. Just for a few days.

That's all it would take.

I thought you liked old Nev.

No.

No, Ashley. I don't like old Nev.

Did you know, him and my dad were
best friends?

At school.
They grew up on the same street.

They cooked the idea up together,

they kicked the whole thing off
together.

Then my dad went off to college
to train to be an accountant

and when he came back.
Nevison offered him a job.

They were partners!

And somehow Nevison
side-stepped that,

like he does side-step things.

He'd got the lawyers in.

And my dad - being my dad -
well, he just accepted it.

Can I think about it?

That's what Nevison said,
when I asked him for a rise,

so I could get
Melissa into a better school.

He thought about it

and then he said no.

What did you say?

He's sorted, he's fine,

he's chicken sh*t,

nobody needs to worry about him.

I'm not happy wi' this new fella.

-He's fine.
-No, he's too quiet.

-He comes recommended.
-He keeps looking at me funny!

Give him a break. Been inside eight
years, he's only just got out.

Get kettle on.

There's summat
I want to talk through wi' you.

Both of you.

Tommy!

Want a cup of tea?

Granny, there's some flowers.

Who they from?

Richard.

You're playing wi' fire there,
you know that, don't you?

You going to read me a story, Gran?

I just want five minutes
to myself.

Have you got changed?

I will have by the time you get
up here.

What about running a bath?

I'll bring you a cup of tea up.

Tag!

Dad?

Ashley says have you got time
to pop over to the house

for two minutes before we
head off home?

OK.

I need one or two more details
off you, but in principle, yeah.

It's a departure,

but me and Lewis
and Tommy are confident

it's something we can handle.

Well, that's...

Obviously I've got overheads,

so here's what I can offer you.

10%.

Ten?!
But... No, look, this is...

We're talking 50 grand, Kevin.

Enough to put the kiddie
through school, more or less.

-It's what you wanted, isn't it?
-I want half!

I can't justify half, Kevin!

I'm the fella taking the risks here!
You're not.

-I gave you information!
-You did, but the reality is,

me and the lads could turn the whole
job round without you. Now.

Couldn't we?
Eh?

So, in fact, you're lucky I'm
offering you anything at all.

You, you can't do that.
I could just...

What?
What could you do?

Tell the police about my sand?

What sand?

I don't want to fall out with you,
Kevin.

I want you to put Melissa through
this nice school.

It's what she deserves,
it's what you deserve.

You'll be 50 grand better off,

you won't even know
the thing's happened.

A hundred.
A hundred grand.

I want Catriona to be able to go,
too, when the time comes.

Right.

Fine.
Hundred.

-When... when are you...?
-The less you know, Kev.

You're a dark horse, you.
Aren't you? Eh?!

-All right, lads?
-You all right?

f*ck off!

I think that means "Come in", Sarge,
in Swahili.

-If I'd said that it'd be r*cist.
-Nah...

Oi, oi.
Where's your warrant?

I haven't got one,
I don't need one.

Somebody rang three nines

and said they'd heard screaming
coming from this flat.

-That were me.
-Were her.

He smacked me on t'head.

-Were an accident.
-With the thing.

-It were an accident.
-It were an accident.

What's your name?

You, lad, I'm talking to you.

Jason Tindall.

You can call me Tinner if y'want.

Right, well, can you pull
that syringe

out of your foot for me, please?

Would you like to hear some jokes?

Yeah, if you're confident
I can handle 'em.

Liam Hughes is threatening to press
charges against me for as*ault.

as*ault by foam?
Yep, that's, yeah!

That's good, that's funny.

And, steady on, brace yourself.

The newsagent I borrowed the fire
extinguisher off has invoiced me,

personally, for £75.
To replace his fire extinguisher.

The one he didn't even know he had!

Nice! Nice one. I like them,
they're both good.

Kevin. Hiya.
Nevison wants to see you.

-What for?
-Dunno.

Kevin. Come in,
sit down, shut door.

-Is something wrong?
-No.

Well.
We'll come onto that.

The good news is,
I can't review your salary,

not just at the minute,
but what I will do is,

and I definitely don't want
this bandying about

because I genuinely can't do
it for everyone,

I will pay their school fees.

Both of 'em.

You've got Helen to thank, and Anne.

One way and another. They've both
had a go at me.

Ann.
Did she?

So?

Well, I...

I don't know what to say.

There was something else.

I've been thinking about...

not retiring,
I'd go mad,

but taking a bit of time off.

The thing is, you see, Helen's
been diagnosed with liver cancer.

-Helen?
-Four months since.

Prognosis isn't...

Anyway.
Things she wants to do.

Places we've visited over the years
that she wants to...

So...

The point is, I would like you
to deputise, for me.

I know you think I take you
for granted sometimes, Kevin,

but...

Well, deputy managing director.

Temporary.
Happen, happen not.

Is that something you...

..feel you could handle?

In return for putting 'em
through this school?

I...
I'm sorry.

About Helen.

Yeah. Yeah.

It's sh*t. There's no other spin
you can put on it.

See you!
Bye!

Sorry, Catherine.

You haven't got ten minutes
again, have you?

We have someone -
an educational psychologist,

who pops in once every three weeks,

and I'd like to ask her
to spend some time with Ryan.

He gets frustrated because
he struggles with his reading.

I don't think it's rocket science.

We can't keep letting him repeat
these sort of behaviour patterns

and not explore what
the root cause might be.

-No, I...
-You see...

We have had comments
from other parents.

It's simply a matter of
finding strategies. For him.

To become more aware of
when he's getting angry,

and how better he can deal with it,
in the moment.

And then finding targets for him...

It's not easy.
I know that.

-Would you like some tea?
-No.

Can I tell you something?

Of course.

Becky, my daughter, d*ed
just after Ryan was born.

Yeah, I think I knew that.

He was six weeks old.

She never really wanted him,

but she couldn't do
anything about it in time

because I didn't know
she was pregnant,

and she refused to believe
that she was, I think.

I think that's what was
going on in there, and...

-Tell me if I'm boring you.
-You're not boring me.

She was...

She...

She was r*ped.
She was...

And she couldn't tell me because
she was frightened of how I'd react,

of me making her report it,

which God knows
I wouldn't have done,

not if it was something
that she couldn't...

My husband found her.

She hanged herself.
In her bedroom.

I felt sorry for him.
I've seen dead bodies, he hadn't.

I had to look after Ryan.

I didn't have to, but I didn't think
there was an alternative, you know,

and he didn't ask to be...

None of it was his fault, was it?

Complete innocent in the world
and nobody wants you.

I didn't particularly,
but Richard,

my husband,
he couldn't stand it.

He couldn't stand
being in the same house.

I don't know why I'm telling you
this, except, I do my best for him.

With him.
I always have done.

I don't think anybody's ever
questioned that, Catherine.

Oh, hang on,
I do know why I'm telling you.

The father...

-Was he ever...? Caught?
-No.

No. And I could never prove
anything anyway. Not now.

I know who it was, though.

He's been in prison
for eight years.

For supplying dr*gs,
not for what he did to Becky.

No.
No, he's got away with that.

And this wasn't a

"his word against hers,
she might've given her consent

"but who knows, they were both
a bit drunk" job.

It was brutal.
It was a brutal att*ck.

But she knew who he was.

She wrote his name
down before she...

I'm terrified if Ryan's like him
in any way shape or form,

which he's bound to be, isn't he?

-Not...
-But no, you're right,

ignoring it won't
make it go away, will it?

Getting changed,
then playing on video games!

It's pizzas for tea!

Fantastic.

-Hello?
-Hello.

You don't fancy going to
Rotherham again tonight, do you?

Are you all right?

I'm just...

..weighing up the pros and cons

of what it would mean
to take the law into your own hands.

Well, the down side, obviously,
would be if you got caught.

Possibly.

I dunno.
I'd say the down side would be

if you didn't feel much
different or better

after you'd done the thing.

Which, why would you?

It isn't like
it'd bring her back, is it?

Don't let yourself
get obsessed with it.

Catherine.

He's low-life.
He's scum.

He'll get what's
coming to him one day.

He just will.

The upside, on the other hand -

the exquisite satisfaction
you'd get from...

grinding his severed
scrotum into the mud

with the underside of
your shittiest shoe.

And then burying his worthless
carcass in a shallow grave

up on the moors, where it can rot,

undisturbed and unloved,
until the end of time.

I'm sure that'd make me feel better.

Just a bit.

Are you all right?

Doesn't it frighten you?

If you ever came
face to face with him,

not knowing what the hell
you might do to him?

You're not going to
actively seek him out.

Are you?

Ashley! Ashley, hi, it's Kevin.
Listen, I think...

I think I may have... I think...

sh*t!

Ashley, I think...
Ashley. Hi. It's Kevin.

I think I may have made a mistake
with this Nevison business.

I think...
I think we, we, we...

we need to call the whole thing off.
I think...

Ashley, hi, it's Kevin.
I think...

I may have miscalculated
how much Nevison is worth.

Ashley, I've miscalculated
how much Nevison is worth. Yeah.

Ashley, I've miscalculated
how much Nevison is worth.

-Hello?
-Ashley? It... it's Kevin.

Ashley?

-It's Kevin.
-Hello.

Yeah, look, OK, I've been thinking,

and I don't think this business...

I don't think we should do it,

I think I've bitten off more than...
I think I may have miscalculated

-how much Nevison is...
-Don't ring me, Kevin.

Not on my mobile,
not on the landline.

-I'll see you Saturday.
-No, Ashley, listen...

If this goes tits up,

the police can trace calls,
any calls,

all calls,

so you just keep your nerve
and you don't ring me.

But Ashley...

Ashley!

sh*t!

sh*t! sh*t! sh*t! sh*t!

-Tosser! w*nk*r!
-Sorry!

-That would've been an opportunity.
-That was not an opportunity.

-You don't know what you're doing.
-I know what I'm doing.

-Let me drive.
-You're not driving.

I'm driving.

There's a fella at t'front desk
insisting he wants to talk to a

"proper police officer".

He won't give me his name,
he won't say what it's about,

but he does seem a bit upset.

Is he drunk?

No, I don't think so.

Is he off his face on anything?

No, he seems perfectly
normal, really.

He does seem upset,
though.

-Good morning.
-Yes...

-Can I help you?
-OK...

I...
Where to start?

I...

OK, are you...?

I'm a sergeant.
Is that...?

It's the best you're going to get unless
you want to drive over to Todmorden.

No, no, that's...
OK.

So, how it started -

I asked my boss for a rise,
a pay rise, the other day,

and the thing is, you see,
my daughter,

she's been offered...
Well, OK, that's...

Are you here to report
a crime,

-Mr...?
-Not, not...

It's not something that's...

I know this man,
you see, who...

Well, I've always thought
he probably was a bit dodgy,

-if I'm being honest, and...
-What's happened?

Nothing! Nothing's happened.
Nothing's happened yet.

Can I take your name?

I don't...

Are you on any medication?

Would you like some tea?

Then we can sit down
and have a proper chat.

Would you like to do that?

Do you want to make a statement?
Do you want to write it down?

-Would that help?
-There isn't...

-No, no.
-OK. I'll tell you what.

Look, if you go out the door,
turn left,

walk five yards down the
street to the next door.

I'll let you in and then
you can come through to my office,

and you can start at the
beginning, all right?

Yeah?

Bravo November four-five.

Urgent response required to
Flat 12, Waterfield House.

An anonymous caller saying there's
a lad dangling off a balcony.

That's Acid House.
Responding.

Go on.

Stupid tosser.

God, I'm really sorry.

-Idiotic thing to do!
-I'm really, really sorry.

-You were driving far too close.
-Yeah.

You're probably not even insured
properly, are you?

Yeah, no, I am.

Good!

I assume that we're accepting
that you're the one that's at fault.

Well, on the other hand,
you WERE driving

a bit all over t'place,
weren't you, speed-wise?

So it's my fault that you're not
looking at what's in front of you?

-Get the bitch round here!
-What are you doing?

What are you doing?!
What are going doing?!

No!

Shut your mouth!

Get off me! Get off me!

Come on.

Stop wriggling.

Stop wriggling!

Hold still.

Feet.

See you there.

You do what we tell you

and we're not going to hurt you
any more than we have to,

and it'll all be over soon enough,
all right?

All right.

-Hello.
-Ashley, it's me.

Don't hang up on me.
I'm calling from a call box.

Right, what do you want?
And I'm not kidding.

This is the last time you ring me.

Just to say...

Just to say that...

those boys of yours,
they won't hurt her, will they?

You know, she's not a bad kid.

They will treat her with respect,
won't they?

If Nevison plays ball, Kevin,

they will treat her
with every courtesy.

OK?

I should be at work.

Yeah, good.

Right, well,
I'll see you Saturday.

Business as usual.

Don't give me any sh*t,
you little bastard...

or I'll chop your tits off.

-Let's get that bag off her.
-Nah, leave her.

I've got to get this phone
over to Ashley at t'farm.

What?

Do you know what you just said?

sh*t!

She couldn't hear me. She had
t'bag on, she were whimpering.

-She won't have heard owt.
-I am not going back inside

cos of a sh*t-for-brains
little twat like you.

So, you just think,
every time, every time,

before you open your mouth
down there in future,

or I'll rip your cock off
and shove it up your arse.

She didn't hear anything.

Mind how you go.

Yeah, so he owes his dealer
50-odd quid, right?

Can't pay up.

There's three lads
knocking on his door

whose plan it is
to put him in hospital.

He's inside sh1tting himself,
thinking there's no way out.

Then he remembers this thing he does
with his mates

when he's high as a kite
on amphetamines.

He plays Spider-Man
down the side of the building.

They drop from one balcony to the
next, all the way down, for fun.

So, he sets off, only he's
stone-cold whatever, right?

So, he sets off over the edge,
manages one balcony,

then he freezes,

realises if you're not off
your face on chemicals,

this is a pretty bloody silly thing to be doing.
-Bless!

Meanwhile the Chipping Norton set
have kicked the door in, right,

quickly work out
what he's gone and done.

They see him, they start
lobbing his worldly goods,

his telly, his Wii, his PlayStation,
his Xbox, his Game Boy,

over the balcony,
hoping to knock him off his perch.

Of course, by the time I arrive

they're well gone
and there's just him dangling there

with his trousers round his ankles,
cos he's wearing those sort of jeans

that have come up
just below your arse.

-Sarge?
-Catch you later.

Hello, my little chickadee.

Is that Nev?

It might be.

Nevison Gallagher?

-Yes.
-How you doing, Nevison Gallagher?

Who am I speaking to?

You can call me...

..God.

What you doing with my daughter's
telephone, then, God?

Well, I've just borrowed it
off her, you see.

-Me and my friends.
-Right, what's going on?

Right, listen very carefully,
Nevison,

cos I'm not repeating meself.

We appear to have got
your lovely little daughter

in a very vulnerable position,

and we're not going to involve
any police, OK?

You do just like you're told,
Nevison, like a good little lad,

-and nothing nasty will happen to her.
-Who are you?

I'm the one that
ensures nothing unpleasant happens

to your little Annie.

I want you to get your car keys
and I want you to walk outside to your car.

Slowly. Don't rush.
Don't speak to anyone.

'I'm going to ring you again
in 20 minutes.

You know Dewsbury Moor Services,
eastbound on the M62.

Phone booths.

Two of them,
just outside the front door.

The one on the left.

You've got 20 minutes.

I want you on your own.

I see any police,
anything that makes me suspicious,

even for a second,

and you'll regret it
for the rest of your life.

Hello?
Hello?!

Are you a virgin?

-Hello?
-Kevin, it's me, it's Nevison.

You're not going to believe this.

Some toerag,
sh*t-for-brains arsehole...

bastard's got our Annie
and he wants a million quid.

-A million?
-It's for real, it's serious.

OK...

Can we raise it?
Can we raise that much in two days?

-Two... days?
-In cash,

without the bank thinking
we're laundering money?

Well, I... We can...
I can look into the accounts...

We've just got to do it,
we've got to raise it,

because this nasty bastard
means business.

And...
what am I going to tell Helen? Oh!

What the hell am I going
to tell Helen, Kevin?