04x06 - Are You in Fair Health?

[bunniefuu]

[SAM]

When I was younger, I loved boats, flashlights, bugs, kid stuff.

Oh, and my dad called me Little Dude.

Then he left.

I don't know why.

That afternoon, my mom put on nature shows for me and my sister.

Later, I drew him, Little Dude.

He liked penguins too.

My dad came back, but Little Dude never left, and I read, and learned, and thought about Antarctica.

Now I wanna go.

I never thought I could, but I adapted.

[PHONE BUZZES]

Hello? Oh, okay.

Thank you.

[SIGHS]

- There you are.

I've been waiting.

- I see that.

I heard from the doctor, and I'm in fair health.

I heard from them too.

So the only thing I have left to do is train Edison's caretaker, aka you.

You ready? First, the bath routine.

Use a shallow bowl and only fill it up to his plastron.

His plastron.

Got it.

What's the grapefruit for? This is Edison until I'm confident you can handle the real one.

[ZAHID]

Good thinking.

But later, 'kay? I promised Jay and Padma I'd go over.

Jay got a new meat smoker and has eight different animals he wants me to try.



- But don't worry.

No turtles.



- [SAM]

Gross.

Okay, but don't forget we have the meet and greet with Edison's vet tomorrow.

How could I forget? You left four notes on the bathroom mirror.

It's something my mom does a lot.

I find it very effective.



- Oh, watch out!

- Oh!

- Oops.



- You stepped on Edison! I'm sorry, Sammy.

[SNIFFS]

Smells nice though.

Later, homie.

[DOOR OPENS]

[DOOR CLOSES]

[ADVENTUROUS MUSIC PLAYING]

In 1912, explorer Titus Oates told Robert Falcon Scott he was going outside for a little walk.



- [CASEY GRUNTS]



- [SAM]

He was never seen again.



- [DOUG]

Forty

-eight

- [GRUNTS]



- forty

-nine

- [GRUNTS]



- and fifty.



- [GRUNTS]



- All right.



- [GRUNTS, PANTS]

Come on, you got ten more in you? [PANTING]

No, I do not.

You sure? [SAM]

In 1982, three British scientists left Faraday Station for a day hike across the sea ice to a nearby island, but a storm blew through and broke up the ice.

They never made it back.

How about another mile? No, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.



- Come on.



- [SNORES]

Well, at least you hung in there longer than your girlfriend.

Where is my girlfriend? Now you got energy? [SAM]

Doctors say taking a walk is one of the healthiest things you can do, but in Antarctica that is not the case.



- Thank you.



- [SAM]

A simple walk can k*ll you.

Your mom made six pies.

I couldn't sleep, so I baked.

Pies for my sweetie pies.



- How was training?

- [CASEY]

It was hell.

Thanks for asking.

Yeah, well, I'm thinking Thursday we're gonna drive up to Bear Mountain.

It's about a six

-mile loop.

It's really pretty up there.

Great.

I'll die in nature.

[DOUG]

Uh, I'm getting changed.

So, what are you two lazy butts talking about? Gosh.

What were we two lazy butts talking about? I'm trying to convince your mom to come

- to the Parents Association meeting this week.



- Hmm.

The GSA got the dress code on the agenda.

Well, she's not really the PTA type.

Ha ha.

So you're not giving up on this dress code issue, huh? No, I can't.

I mean, it's not about clothes.

It's about identity.

I mean, who are we to tell someone what gender expression works for them? That's not my choice to make for someone else, and it certainly isn't the school's choice.

Then I will be there, and I shall bring pie.

What have you done to my beautiful baby's hands? [KNOCKING ON DOOR]

There's someone at the door.

You should get that, as the lady of the house.

Ow.



- [CHUCKLES]



- [WHISPERS]

Oh my God.

I was in the neighborhood at that shoe store.

You know the one that's all wood heels, but they're cute? Oh, is that you? Oh, I like your highlights so much better now.

Hi.

I'm Elsa.

Sasha.

I'm the mom.

Izzie's mom.

Okay, bye.

Thank you.



- Casey, there you are, you gorgeous thing.



- [CHUCKLES]

My first real boyfriend lived in a Craftsman house.

James.

He d*ed.

Big drinker.

Is this house haunted? His was.



- They often are.



- Oh.

Would Would you like a drink or something? No, we're good.

This one has ants in her pants.

[CHUCKLES]

Okay, nice to meet you.

You should check out that shoe store.

I could see you in clogs.

[DOOR CLOSES]

She's fun, right? Yeah, I like her.

I do not like her.

Everything's about her, and everything she says is subtly sort of mean.

Like, it seems benign, but after, you feel bad.

Mm.

Sounds like your mother.

Yes.

She reminds me of my mother.

Oh.

Poor Izzie.

I just wanna pack her up and move her in.

No, well, don't do that.

No, I won't.

Why not?

- I don't know.



- Doug? I I don't like her.

Izzie? Why? She's a darling.

It's constant drama with her.

She always has Casey upset, or worried, or running off somewhere.

She doesn't need all that.

And if she wants a scholarship, she has to stay focused.

There's more to life than sports.

I know.

You sure this isn't about your daughter dating a girl? No, I don't care that she's dating a girl.

I just don't like that girl.

[SAM]

So many people went missing in Antarctica, they made a new rule.

Anytime you go anywhere, you have to fill out a form, so they know if you don't show up.

[DUCK QUACKING]

[QUACKS]

Quiet, duck.

Edison Gardner? Unfortunately, not all parties are yet present.

[SAM]

You missed our appointment.

And Edison's time slot was given to a duck.

A duck.

Why would anyone want a pet that randomly makes noise? I'm really sorry, man.

I totally forgot.

Luckily, I was able to reschedule for Thursday at 4:00.

Ooh, I can't do Thursday at 4:00.

I have an appointment at Oakes County.

In fact, I'm not sure I can be Edison's guardian.

What? [ECHOING]

I'm not sure I can be Edison's guardian.



- I heard from the doctor too.



- [ECHOING]

I'm not sure I can be They're gonna do some follow

-ups [ECHOING]

be Edison's guardian.

Edison's guardian.

I'm actually pretty nervous.

I'm not sure I can be Edison's guardian.

What do you mean you can't be Edison's guardian? That's what you're worried about right now? That's a big thing to be worried about.

You know, usually I can forgive how completely selfish you can be, but sometimes, it's just It's just It's just too much! [BETH]

Well, today was horrible.

In addition to the daily pain of your betrayal, Dewey ran away.

I guess everyone I love leaves me.

So I decided to bake something cheerful.

Behold, homemade angel food cake topped with strawberries and buttercream frosting.

And it's still warm, just like my lawn mower.



- [LAWN MOWER STARTS]



- Oh, Beth.

[BETH SCREAMS]

[GRUNTS]

[SCREAMING]

[SCREAMING CONTINUES]

You will not believe this.

I got an A on my physics take

-home test.

Oh wow.

Which is awesome and strange.

Then after class, Mr.

Ryan asked me all these questions about where I took the test and whether I was supervised by anyone.

And then he mentioned the Clayton moral code, and I realized this guy thinks I cheated.

I was so pissed.

I mean, I may suck at physics, but I'm not a cheater.

[CASEY]

Oh no.

What did you tell him? I told him that was a completely inappropriate accusation and that he should feel ashamed of himself, and then I stomped out.

I mean, he's lucky I didn't smash his little model catapult.

I did it.

What? I looked at the test you gave me, and I changed a couple answers.

I'm so sorry.

I just You missed a couple, and so I filled them out, and then I kept going.

[SCOFFS]

Do you feel bad for me?

- Do you think I'm dumb?

- No.

Not at all.

You said it was your worst subject.

So I was just trying to be supportive.

I'll go talk to him.

I'll tell him it was all me.

He can't prove anything.

That's why he wants me to admit it.

Just Just drop it.

I'm sorry.

Are you mad? No.

Really? Yeah.

I gotta get to class.

["SHA SHA SHA" BY FONTAINES D.

C.

PLAYING]

Dad, will you take care of Edison while I'm in Antarctica, and also for forever if I freeze and die while I'm there? The turtle? I don't know about that.

Maybe ask your mother.

You're so real I'm a show reel You work for money And the rest you steal I would l love to.

Okay, let's see.

Um Breakfast at 8:00, lunch at noon, at 2:00, we'll do a walk around the neighborhood, and a tortoise treat at 3:00.

Never mind.

Edison is an introvert.

Your constant presence will annoy him.

I'll do it.

One quick question.

Does Edison's terrarium have a lock on it? 'Cause one day Bobcat ate all the fish right out of the t*nk.

I was powerless to stop it.

He's really strong.



- Does he require daily care?

- Yes.



- Cleaning?

- Yes.



- Love?

- Yes.

Not my jam.

I don't know what to do.

Everyone is terrible.

I got to admit, I didn't think you'd actually do this.

I told you I would, and I do what I say, unlike Zahid.

This is horrible.

I'm stopping.

[PANTING]

[CASEY]

Are you serious? How far did we go? Like, one one

-millionth of a mile.

Ugh! [PANTS]

[PANTING]

Izzie and I are fighting right now too.

She's mad at me, even though I was just trying to help her.

Yeah, you do that sometimes.

Do what? Try to help too much, like Mom.

When I'm mad at you, it's usually because you're trying to help too much, or because you hit me in the head.

Did you hit Izzie in the head? No.

Hey.

I don't help too much, do I? I usually like it, but not always.

Okay, I'm gonna keep running.



- I'm gonna keep sitting.



- All right.

You are never gonna guess what happened.

Okay.

Remember my money tree you heartlessly left on the curb because you thought it was making Edison sick, even though it wasn't? Yes.

Well, I made some calls, specifically to the city, Sanitation, sweet

-talked Lydia, who works over there, to find out the name of your garbage

-truck driver.

It's Kenny.

And I brought Kenny some sugar cookies and asked if he remembered a money tree.

Well, turns out Kenny is a bit of a plant lover too, and he left it in a vacant lot because he felt bad throwing it out.

Voilà ! You did all that for a plant? Oh.

I just wanted to make sure it was okay.

What are you doing right now? I just wanna say that I am honored to be Edison's guardian and thrilled to meet you.

I recently became a pet owner myself, to a beautiful baby girl pig.

And before you ask, she is licensed.

I picked it up myself at City Hall.

It's across the street from where I work.

I'm actually the manager at a tuber

-themed chain restaurant, and I Well, it's always a good idea to be prepared for any surprise medical issues.

Sam is an excellent pet owner.

I wish they were all like him.

He pays very close attention to detail.

Yeah, he does.

But as [ZAHID]

In fact, I'm not sure I can be Edison's guardian.

I'm not sure I can be Edison's guardian.

I heard from the doctor too, and, um, they're gonna do a follow

-up to check on a few things, but, uh, something looked off.

I'm actually kind of nervous.



- What?

- [ZAHID, ECHOING]

Nervous.

What's wrong? Is that rude duck here? I need to go.

You ready to go to Bear Mountain? The weather's perfect today.

Oh, I can't.

I'm doing something.



- What is that, art?

- Mm

-hmm.



- Is this homework?

- No, I'm making something for Izzie.

I messed up.

She's mad at me.

Hmm.

Seems like she gets mad a lot, huh? What? Look, if you want this, you have to work.

There's no time to make pretty flowers for your girlfriend.

You can't take days off.

Yes, I can.

No, you can't.

Not if you want UCLA to happen, you can't.



- Okay, great.

Thanks.



- I'm just saying Maybe you should think more about yourself and less about me.

What is that supposed to mean? It means I'm sorry your friend d*ed, but you're pushing me too hard.

That's messed up, okay? What kind of thing is that to say?

- Just leave me alone!

- Yeah, I'll just leave you alone.

Okay, you just remember, though, you're the one who asked me for help.

Well, I'm un

-asking! [PHONE CHIMES]

[PHONE CHIMES]

My mom kicked me out.

Or I ran away.

I'm not sure.

It was so stupid.

She told me I had to babysit tonight.

And she knew about the PA meeting.

She just doesn't seem to care.

Honey, I'm sorry.

Some people are just limited.

She laughed about the GSA.

She thinks me dating girls is just a phase.

She has no interest in who I am.

Well, she is missing out, because you are wonderful.

Do you mind not telling Casey about this? I mean, I'll tell her at some point.

I don't know.

I just feel like sometimes she doesn't totally get it.

Tell her when you're ready.

Now, the Gardner bus is leaving in one minute.

Next up, Pumpkin Pie Junction.

Woo

-woo! Sorry, I'm a big dork.

I like it.

[LAUGHS]

Sam? What are you doing here? I was being a good pet owner, but not a good friend.

I didn't pay attention to your details.

It's okay, Sam.

I didn't tell you what was going on.

The doctor called and said I have markers in my blood.

An enzyme or something.

And, uh, it might it might be cancer.

What? That's why I got so angry with you.

I was just really scared.

You're scared you're gonna die? Well, I should get going, you know? If I'm gonna be a sad boy, I'd prefer to be in the arms of a buxom, middle

-aged nurse.

What are you doing? I'm coming with you.

[SAM]

Even though it's still dangerous to take a walk in Antarctica, thanks to the new protocol, there's always someone looking out for you.

[IZZIE]

Hi.

[CASEY]

Hi.

I'm sorry.

I know.

And maybe I overreacted, but [SIGHS]

I don't know how to explain this.

Our lives are so different.

When my mom has insomnia, she drinks herself to sleep.

When your mom has insomnia, she bakes pie.

I just felt like you saw what my life was like and thought less of me.

[CASEY]

What? No.

I saw how hard things are, and I wanted to help.

I just did it in a really dumb way.

Look, there's so much I don't know about myself right now, but I know that I'm a protector.

And if I think someone I love is in trouble, I try to help.

You love me? Of course I love you.

I love you too.

[BOTH LAUGH]

I have something for you.

What is this? Isn't it obvious? It's tarot.

You made these? I figured you deserve at least one good reading in your lifetime.

["ONLY FOR A MOMENT" BY LOLA MARSH PLAYING]

Lost and found Okay.

My mind, but only for a moment Oh.

This is an excellent one actually.



- Really?

- The Slurpee card.

You are brave.

Brave enough to tell people how you feel, even if it's scary.

People follow you because you are wise and very, very beautiful.



- [LAUGHS]



- Shh.

Listen to the magic of the tarot.

Okay.

Next, the Winged Shoe.

Mm.

You are fast as the wind.

Courage will take you far, and you are very, very beautiful.

[GIGGLES]

And finally Ooh, this one is especially witchy.

The Righteous Voice.

You care, and you speak up for people 'cause no one ever spoke up for you.

That is why I do it.

And you're very Lost and found

- My mind, but only for a moment

- [KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Oh.

Hi, Etta.

Oh, it's Elsa, actually.

Oh, the girls aren't here right now.

They're probably roaming around, talking to boys.

Actually, they're at my house, so Um, I brought you a coconut cream pie.

It's my first coconut cream pie.

Mm.

I came to talk to you about Izzie.

What'd she do now? Oh, nothing.

No, no, no.

She's She's wonderful.

She's kind.

She notices people.

She's a good kid.

So, be nicer.

What? It's unacceptable to make everything about yourself, to make her feel like she doesn't matter, like you don't wanna know who she is as a person.

Okay, you have crossed the line.

You can leave my house now.

[ELSA]

Fine.

But you know what? Give me my pie back.

No.

You already gave it to me.



- Yeah, well, I want it back.



- No.

[GRUNTS]

Well, I think I will go.

[DOOR OPENS]



- [SIGHS]



- Uh, I got into a fight with Casey.

I threw a pie at Izzie's mom.

What? Why?

- She said I was out of line.



- Were you? Yes.

Why were you even at her house? I don't know.

I just I hate the way she treats that girl.

Something about that whole situation just really gets under my skin.

[SCOFFS]

Well, maybe she's not the mother you need to be talking to.

[SAM]

It may not seem like a big deal to know someone's keeping tabs on you, but it makes disappearing into icy nothingness a bit less scary.

So the tests confirm what the blood work suggested.

You do most likely have cancer.

But it's treatable.

Likely no chemo or radiation.

We're confident we can take care of it with surgery.

So, I'm not gonna die? It's not likely.

[SIGHS, LAUGHS]

Great.

So, uh, where is the bad boy? Thyroid? Armpit? It's testicular.

Wow.

I mean, how did he take the news? He got really quiet, but I think he's okay.

He's not gonna die, and that's what he was worried about.

Yeah.

And, most importantly, he has the support he needs to make good, informed decisions.

I mean, he's the type of person that might become self

-destructive.

[PAIGE SCREAMS]

["AWNAW" BY NAPPY ROOTS PLAYING]

[LAUGHS]

'Sup, crabs.

I'm back.

I forgot how hot she was.

Did you forget how hot she was?

- [BOTH GROWL]



- Awnaw! Hell naw! Man Y'all done up and done it

- Awnaw! Hell naw! Boy

- Y'all done up and done it

- Awnaw! Hell naw! Man

- Y'all done up and done it Y'all done up and done it, man Y'all done up and done it My first song was like Forty

-eight bars with no hook You hear me flippin' through my pages Out my favorite notebook The microphone was in the closet What? No headphones, we lost it n*gg*s scared to get some water Roaches hangin' over the faucets No AC, Tez'll break a sweat Just tryin' to make beats E

-Dubz was being a hustler Flirtin' with all his customers And flat broke Nappy smokin' blacks Out on the back porch I'm thinkin' I got everything A country boy could ask for

- Now what we do to get here?

- Say dat, boy

- Lay it down and bring it to you raw

- Say dat, boy Hey, now we hurt some Suffered for more Takes what we work for Hated for the cussin' But the hatred, it made us cuss more