03x02 - Episode 2

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Happy Valley". Aired: 29 April 2014 –; present.*
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Yorkshire-based crime drama centering on the personal and professional life of Police Sergeant Catherine.
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03x02 - Episode 2

Post by bunniefuu »

It's Clare.

It's your Clare.

And Neil Ackroyd.

Is that her partner?
Neil Ackroyd?

Looks like they started
visiting him just over a year ago.

There's been four visits,

and another one arranged for
this Saturday.

This coming Saturday, pm.

You all right?

Catherine?

Speak to me.

Catherine.

Why?

Why would they do that?

Why would Clare...?

What will you do?

Saturdays.

All Saturdays when they've been
taking him to his football,

and I've been working.

You think you know people.

How...how?

How...?

How's he got in touch with
our Ryan in the first place?

Does Royce know your address?
Yeah.

When he got that Frances Wealand
Drummond,

whatever her name was,
to bring that Scalextric.

But I'd have... No, I'd have
seen something, a letter,

if it'd come to our house.
Ryan never gets any post

and when he does,
he never bothers to open it.

Well, does Royce know their
address? Clare and Neil's?

How?

And how could Ryan
have got in touch with him?

How could he have known
he'd moved prisons?

I didn't know
he'd moved prisons.

I don't know.

Four times.
All within this last year.

Nothing before that.

I've never liked that Neil.
He's spineless.

And Clare, for God's sake.

You see, she's the same.
Is she? Weak.

What am I going to do?

Well, you're not overreacting,
which is good.

sh*t.

Can I do anything?

No.

Do you want to go home?
No.

I might ask for this Saturday
off, though.

What are you doing?

What am I doing?
What are you doing?

That's your...
Is that your lock?

No, this is my lock.

Some dickhead's
chained us bikes together. What?

Ah, boys, there you are.

You not racing off today?

Somebody's chained
us bikes together...sir.

Oh, what a shame.

So, while you're here,
you're both in detention.

What for? Did you do this? You know
perfectly well what for. A week.

Lunchtime detention.
What have I done?

I'm not arguing about it.

It was him. I never said owt.
I was just with him.

And yet... Oh, yeah!

You ran off.

Because you were chasing us
in your car.

Look, I have warned you before

about what thin ice you are
skating on, motormouth.

So if I were you, I'd shut it.

Take your punishment like a man.

I know it's a bit of a leap,

but use this in future to think
about what comes out of this.

Piss off, you twat!
What did you say?

Talking to us
like six-year-olds.

Maybe it's because you behave like
you're six year old!

Yeah, up your arse. Right, that's
it! You're off the football team!

You can't do that, sir!

Good. I don't care. I've resigned
off it anyway cos it's sh*t!

I'm not having that!
You come back here now!

It was me, sir. Yesterday.

I said it. Punish me!

It's not even worth being on! It's
the shittest team I've ever seen!

You just can't stop yourself,
can you?

They play like a load of little
girls! It's an embarrassment!

You can't kick him
off the football team, sir.

It's the only thing
he's any good at!

Do you not want your bike
back, then, Cawood?

Swivel!

What have I done to him?!
SMASHING AND CRASHING

Right. It sounds like his
bookshelf's just gone over,

so...that'll be that little
telly you gave him smashed.

NEIL: I'd come round and help, but
there's only me and Lexie on

till Marie turns up.

No, you're all right.
I just wanted to share the joy.

I don't know exactly
what's gone on,

but I think that games
teacher's a funny beggar.

May well be.

But if it is escalating
and our Ryan's

saying stuff he shouldn't,

then he is going to get into bother.

CLATTERING UPSTAIRS
SHE SIGHS, RYAN YELLS

He's trying to get t'door
off its hinges now.

You want to put him on?
I'll try and have

a quick word with him. No, he's...
He won't come to t'phone.

He hasn't threatened
to hurt you, has he? No!

He's called me
a drug-addled piss artist,

but I'm trying not
to take it personally.

I'm trying to remind myself

that it's the anger speaking
and not

him just being
a repulsive little sh*t.

Love, I'm going to have to go.

As soon as Marie gets here,
I'll phone you,

and if you want me to pop round,

I will. OK.

RYAN: What have I done?!
HE SCREAMS

Bye.

MUSIC PLAYS,
INDISTINCT CONVERSATION

ANISHA LAUGHS

Mm-hm. Can we bring anything?

Can we bring the dessert?

Oh, hang on.

Are we all right to go
to Zainab and Farhan's

on Friday evening? They got
the decking finished.

grand.

Yeah, we'll be there.
Hi, Dad. Hiya. You all right?

Just figuring out how I'm going to
pay for the new decking

your mother will be requiring
shortly. How come?

Probably just as soon as
she comes off the phone.

Even though there's nothing
wrong with the deck...

Her sister's got some.
Auntie Zainab? Cool!

There is water in the tap,
you know.

What? Nothing. Yeah, but it doesn't
taste t'same.

It does! It's water.
It tastes exactly the...

QUIETLY: ..same...

ANISHA: Great! Mm-hm.

RICHARD: Clare and Neil? No way.

What are you going to do?

I don't know. I haven't decided yet.

Could it be...

Well, not them?

Somebody using their names
for some reason?

I don't know. Yeah, well,
I wondered that, but no.

Every visit's coincided with
when I've been working Saturdays,

so, no, it'd be too much
of a coincidence. It's them.

You know, and this is
the bloke that's up in court

next week for another m*rder,
and Clare knows that.

We've even talked about it.

Ask her.

No. No, I'm not going to ask
any of them anything.

I'm going to watch them.
I'm going to observe.

And come Saturday,
I'm going to follow 'em,

and...I don't know.
I don't know.

I don't know.

You can't avoid 'em.

Well, I can't avoid 'em,
you're right.

She's in there. She rang me,
and that's another saga.

He's had a spat with
his bloody games teacher

and got himself chucked off
his football team.

Is that that Gary Gackowski m*rder

Royce is in court for next week?

Yeah. Why?
What do you know about it?

Oh, it's just...something
I'm working on.

You're around tomorrow?

Well, I'm working, but I can be.

Why?

Want to meet up?

For a cup of tea or something.

Catch up...

..properly.

Yeah, can do.

TV IN BACKGROUND

DOOR OPENS AND SHUTS

Come on. Bed.

CLARE: Hiya.

Why aren't you in bed?

It's five to .
He's got school tomorrow.

I've been kicked off
t'football team

for something
I didn't even do.

So I understand, and then you
trashed your bedroom. He did, yeah.

But we've tidied most of it up now,
so... Oh, have you? Oh, good.

Well, that'll teach him.
That's a good message.

Trash your bedroom
and your Auntie Clare'll

tidy it up for you. I helped him

because he calmed down
and then he apologised.

So, what's happened, then?

Hepworth. He's a twat.
Oh, swearing!

So if I ring Mr Baines
in the morning

and if I ask for an
appointment with him,

we explain what's happened,
that you've had a spat

with Mr Hepworth, that's going to be
your defence, is it?

He's a twat?

He's chased us in his car,
on us bikes.

And then he's chucked me
off t'team. For nothing? Yeah.

Cesco shouted, "Have you
had your oats, sir?"

which is what started it, but...

Yeah. And nothing else was said?

Yeah... Well, yeah,

quite a lot else was said,
but I didn't start it.

I DEFINITELY didn't start it.

I can't think about this now.
Go to bed. Yeah, but... Bed.

Come on, you get your stuff. I'll
drive you home. It's OK. I can walk.

All right.

Right, OK. Well,

I'll love you and leave you.

There's half a moussaka in there,

just wants warming up.

Thanks.

Can't walk home on her own!
It's dark. It's fine.

It's only round the corner.

And up the hill.

Drunks will be out.

You had a bad day?

No, it's been very quiet.

I've been able to catch up
on my paperwork.

Text me when you get in.

Right.

Night-night.

Ta-ta, love. Bye. Night-night.

Well, who's rattled your cage,
Grandmother?

Bed.

RYAN: Just getting some water.

You're smoking?

It's bad for you, smoking.

So I believe.

Why are you in a funny mood?

I'm not.

What will I do
if you do go off in that...

..thing to the Himalayas?

I don't know.

What would you like to do?

Come with you.
SHE SCOFFS

You don't want to be hanging out
with me. You're .

I told him to shove his team
up his arse. But...

..that were only after
he started talking to me

like I was about six.

Yeah, well, like I say,
let's sort it out tomorrow

if you want
to get back on the team.

Do you want to get back
on the team?

Yeah.

Be better if he weren't
such a dickhead, though.

Well, dickheads
are a fact of life.

Anywhere you look,
there'll be a dickhead.

Better get used to it.

Night-night.

Night-night.

Love you.

The trick is to negotiate
your way around 'em...

..without 'em even realising
you think they are a dickhead.

Yeah.

And then revenge is a dish
best served cold.

PHARMACIST: I've got it all ready
for you.

Just popping out for a sec.

Faisal!

Hiya.

Have you got five minutes?

I thought he was going to
k*ll me. I think, one day,

he will k*ll me,
and no-one will even notice.

I've got to get out of there,
Faisal. Yeah. Well, yeah.

And the girls. I couldn't leave
without the girls. Course not.

It's happened before, this.

There's usually some lad
at school.

He...gets a fixation,
an obsession,

and he'll pick a fight
with them, basically,

to get their attention.

Pick a fight, knock their
confidence, then be the person

that picks them up
and turns their life around.

And then...God knows what.

They're usually kids
that haven't got

any proper parenting
going on at home.

But during this phase,
he gets all edgy

and then he gets handy
with his fists

and takes it out on me.

Thing is, when we first...

When you started helping me,

you did say you might be able
to help me get a little flat,

or something. So me and the girls,

we could get out of there.
Did I? Yeah!

Well, I might have suggested it

as an idea for you to
think about, but I don't....

It isn't something
I could pay for.

Is that... Is that what you...?

What I thought? Yeah,
that is what I thought.

I thought that you were
wanting to help me.

No, Joanna, I couldn't afford
to do that!

It must have just been
a suggestion. An idea.

Sorry if you thought... What, if I
thought that you cared about me?

I do! I did. I do. But I can't
afford to be buying a flat.

You said that you were
thinking about speculating

in property... Yeah, but not...
Not at the moment.

Definitely not at the moment.

Right.

These aren't my shops,
you know?

I know you think they are.

I just manage this one
and the one down at Elland.

It's Anisha's dad that owns them

and me and her sister,
we just manage them.

And apart from that, money's
just a bit tight at the moment.

Police will be charging me
with something

when that diazepam
comes back from the lab,

and then they'll be leaning
on me again

to say where I got it from.

You know,
I'm not making threats,

but they might not be
happy with me just saying

I just found it behind
some toilets this time.

ANN: Hey, Shaf!
My interview was successful.

They want me to start my six-month
attachment at CID next week.

Yeah. Yeah. I saw you tiddling
about on your phone when

you're meant to be interfacing
with a member of the public.

So, guess what?

You won't be able
to boss me about

when you take over
from Catherine.

I will. I'll still be a rank
above you.

You won't, cos I'll be upstairs.

Yeah, but I will,
cos I'll come and find you

just to give you orders. CID!

Say, "Well done, Ann."
SARCASTICALLY: Well done!

Sitting in an office all day,
bending paperclips.

You're just jealous.

Yeah.

Not.

Oh, my God, Shaf. What?

Your ears! They've gone
green. Is it envy?

Not everybody wants to be
in CID, you know. Some of us

like being in uniform. Yeah.

And the rest.
Hello, love.

I'm Acting Sergeant Shah.
This is PC Gallagher.

You may have heard, sadly,
somebody d*ed yesterday

that lived in one
of these flats behind here.

And we're just having a chat
with everyone, just in case

you might have seen anything
or heard anything.

Is that all right if we pop in?

Yeah, come in. Thank you.

Ta-ta.

RINGING TONE

I missed a call from you.
How are you doing?

Well, I'm on a house-to-house
down Elland, so...

Have there been
any developments?

No.

Have you said anything?

Nope.

Have you still got time
for a cup of tea today?

Yeah, I've got a meal break
at one.

I wanted to ask you about
this other thing.

What other thing?

I've been approached by this
journalist from the Guardian.

He's developing a piece
about organised crime links

to local government.
He saw a piece

I wrote in the Yorkshire Post
last year,

and he's asked me to do

some digging for him
on Darius Knezevic.

Oh, OK.

And I thought

half an hour with you might be a
good place to start.

Yeah, well, I can tell you
everything you need to know

about that sleazy twat.

Course, these days,
he behaves like butter

wouldn't melt up his arse.

And of course,
I can't tell you everything,

because if I did know
everything, he'd be in prison,

and for a not inconsiderable
period of time.

Do you know he's standing for
election onto Bradford City Council?

Oh. Well, West Yorkshire.
But...

..that can't happen, surely.

What, are you serious?

You do know they elected
one of the biggest liars

and tax dodgers in history
to be the so-called leader

of the free world across
the pond not so long since?

Richard, I'm going to have to go.
Where do you want to meet up?

You decide. Text me.

Catherine...?

Alison?

Catherine.

Cawood.

I thought I'd seen your name on the
box as a newly released.

How are you?

I'm all right.

I'll give you a hand. Where are you
going with it? No, you're fine.

Don't be daft. Which one is it?

Thanks. It's just down here.

What are you lot doing here?
Is it about that woman?

Yeah, it's just a bit of
house-to-house.

You got five minutes?

Yeah.

I've got a settee to go with
this in the back of the van.

If you do want to be useful, then
there'll be summat to sit on.

Very enterprising.

Week out of prison
and you've got wheels?

I lost everything else.

The farm was only ever
on lease, so no chance.

One of the neighbours
let me leave this in his yard

and he's kept it ticking over.

Well, his dickhead son has.

And he's knackered the clutch.

Spent the last three years
at Aldborough. Open prison. Ah.

I learned how to do highlights.

CATHERINE CHUCKLES

And to drive a forklift truck.

Got me licence
to drive a forklift truck.

Don't ask me to do your hair.
You'll regret it.

Who's your probation officer?

Carol Sewell. Do you know her?

She drinks.

She turns up half-cut

or doped up to her eyeballs
on anti-anxiety meds.

She comes here,
tells me her problems,

and then she toddles off
somewhere else

before I can tell her any of mine.

Where are you working?

Ramsden's Ready Meals on the
industrial estate down here.

They supply all
t'big supermarkets.

It's money. If you hear of anything
else going, give us a shout.

I'll keep me ear to the ground.

Make a few phone calls, and...

Will you?

Yeah, sure.

So what's happening with
this lass in the flat upstairs?

She came out of a window. What, like
su1c1de? dr*gs? Was she pushed?

Who knows?

You see, that pisses me off.

Look at this.

These windows
aren't meant to open so far.

Everything's bust.

And behold, no sprinkler system.

And even if there was a sprinkler
system,

chances are it wouldn't work.
Shall I tell you why?

Government contracts
are very lucrative,

so everyone wants them,
including -

surprise, surprise - criminals.

So...

So, you're saying these window
fittings where this girl d*ed

were all from a dodgy source?

Well, I've no idea
where they're from.

What I'm saying is,
it's not impossible.

So...

..these companies spring up
and put on the hard sell,

and then when there's a
problem with the product,

which inevitably there is,
because it's sh*t,

where's the company gone?

Disappeared, winked up,
f*cked off.

That'll be the Knezevics.
Moved on to the next scam.

So how do... If it is
the Knezevics, say,

how do they get the contract
in the first place?

Is there no due diligence?
Course,

but it's not impossible that
whoever's making the decisions

is bent or compromised,
or the criminal shows them

a quality product that works
and does the job,

but then when they supply them,

it looks for all the world
the same, but it isn't.

It's rubbish. But people only find
that out when it fails.

And this is on top of
all the drug-running

and people-trafficking and...
Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.
It just goes hand in hand.

CID took down this fella
in Huddersfield last year -

he was connected to something like
different businesses.

No! Yeah. How many CID hours

do you think that took to wade
through?

And of course, it's all about
laundering money in the end

and there's still any number
of ways to do that despite

the banks tightening things.
So, yeah.

Yeah, they still have their
car washes and their nail bars

and their newsagents
and their restaurants

and their lap-dancing bars, yeah.

Under the viaduct
in Sowerby Bridge.

Remember that?

They call themselves
businessmen.

They've got their finger in any
number of dirty little pies,

and it's naive to think that

they won't infiltrate
local government.

That's exactly what he's doing
in Bradford now.

It's all part of
how they operate.

It's how they keep themselves
informed.

It's how they hide
in plain sight.

Do you know...

..anything about a rumour

Darius Knezevic
is connected to this m*rder

that Tommy Lee Royce
is in court for next week?

I've heard things.

They'll never nail it onto
Darius Knezevic.

He's too clever.

You do know this could be
dangerous, don't you?

Yeah. For you.

If you get too close.

Right, I better be off.

It's just a chance to work on
something proper.

Something that can make
a difference.

Yeah, go for it.
It needs doing.

Just be careful
who you talk to

and how much you tell them
about yourself.

So what's the story about
this girl that d*ed, then,

in this flat in Elland?

She came out of
a fourth-floor window.

Division went in and found
boxes and boxes and boxes

of cash, tens of thousands
of pounds. dr*gs?

She'll have been cuckooed.
That'll be the Knezevics.

They can't launder money
fast enough,

so what do you do with it?
Where do you put it?

You hide it in somebody
else's place,

somebody who ain't got a clue

what's going on and couldn't
do a fat lot about it if they did.

PHONE RINGS

f*cking hell, now what?

Oh, sh*t. School.

Hello.

Is that Catherine? It is.

It's David Baines
over at Elm Wood.

Mr Baines, how's yourself?
I don't suppose

you might have time
to pop into the school?

What, now?
Yes, if that's possible.

Well, I can, as it happens,
I'll be passing that way.

But I'm on duty,
so I'll have to be brief.

What's occurred?

DOOR OPENS

I'll be in court next Tuesday.

Because you shopped me

to the police
all those months ago.

But I want you to know...

..I forgive you.

May the Lord be with you.

Chips or mash?

Er...

You going to hurry up, or
what?

f*cking doing?

SHOUTING

Enough! Enough.

INDISTINCT CONVERSATION

MR BAINES: I'm not sure
that's necessarily the case.

I know his grandmother
often works shifts.

ROB: It'll be too much time
left to his own devices, then.

And there's no father, is
there? Not as far as I know.

Now what?

Oh, my God.

Did you have to come
dressed like that?

Shall I let him know
you're here, Mrs Cawood?

Yes, you can, love, thanks.
Is that a g*n?

Thought police weren't supposed to
have g*ns in this country.

It's a Taser, you twit. They let you
loose with one of them?

Yeah. Why wouldn't they?
Aren't you a bit old? In.

Ta, love.

Ah, Catherine.
Thanks for popping in.

Mr Baines.

Mr Hepworth.
How's your wife?

Yeah, she's... She's...

She's very, very, very...

She's all right, thank you.

Good.

So, what's the charge?

Would you like to sit down?

Ryan?

So, as I explained
on the phone,

Mr Hepworth believes it was
Ryan who damaged his car.

Did you?

No. Do you know who did?

No. Has anyone talked to you
about someone touching

Mr Hepworth's car? No.
SHE SIGHS

Show me your hands.

What's in your pockets?
Nothing.

Have you asked him to empty his
pockets? I can't do that.

Stand up. Empty your pockets.

JANGLING

Really?

Do you know
when the damage occurred?

Well, between when I parked
the car there this morning

and when it was brought
to my attention

by another member
of staff at dinner time.

And who has access to that
area during the day?

Well, everyone.

But...

Any CCTV?

MR BAINES: Er, not covering
that area, no.

So, what's led you to believe
it was Ryan?

Only that he and I had
an altercation yesterday.

And I'm not accusing him.
I thought you were.

I'm sorry. I thought
that's why I was here.

Well, I thought...

I'm sorry, Mr Hepworth.
I thought you were.

Well, someone's done it.

Right. Well, if you want me to
write a police report, I can...

No, I don't think we need to
go down that route,

do we, Mr Hepworth?
Well, actually, I can't,

because if you are accusing Ryan,

another officer needs
to deal with it.

No, I just asked you in as his
grandmother, really, not as...

Although to be absolutely
honest with you,

you'll need more evidence

than the fact that you've had
an altercation with him.

And even then, we're not
really talking about

criminal damage, are we?
If the tyres had been slashed

and it was indelible marker pen,

then yeah, we would be.
But they weren't, so it isn't.

And can I ask you, Mr Hepworth,
are you quite certain

in your own mind that you
haven't made an assumption

it was Ryan precisely because you
did have this altercation

with him yesterday?
This was the altercation

about Ryan using
unacceptable language.

See, this is why it in't
adding up to me, because...

..last night, Ryan, well...

He was emotional, certainly.

But when he got over
being emotional,

he was talking about
apologising to Mr Hepworth

for saying something
he shouldn't have done

in the hope of getting back
on the team. Now, to my mind

that in't consistent with him
daubing up his car.

Back on the team?

The football team. That's what the
altercation was about.

No, it was about me being
blamed for something

which Cesco said,
which Cesco admitted,

and then he tried to chase us

on us bikes in his car.
No, I didn't.

Can't you arrest him for that?

Did you drive on the kerb?
No. Pleased to hear it.

Why don't we do
a bit more finding out?

See if we can find anyone
who saw something.

And then hopefully we can find a
solution that allows Ryan

to get his place back on the
team, if that's what he wants

and Mr Hepworth agrees.

Is that what you want, Ryan?

Yes, sir.

Well, I'm sorry, Catherine.
I hope I haven't wasted your time.

No. Like I say, I was passing.

You get your bike back?
Yeah.

Well, that was weird. Hepworth is
weird. I kept telling you.

You know Mr Baines rang me like
you'd been caught red-handed,

and then not a scrap
of evidence.

I bet Hepworth did that
himself to his car

to get me into trouble.

Should have made him
turn his pockets out.

By the way, I didn't do it,
FYI.

No, I know you didn't.
How?

Because I've seen how you draw a
cock and balls when we play

Picture Consequences,
and it's nothing like that.

LOCK CLANKS

SCHOOL BELL RINGS

PHONE ALERT

UPBEAT MUSIC

VIDEO GAME SOUNDTRACK

Did you have a good day?
Yeah.

What's all this mess?
JOANNA: What mess?

DOOR SLAMS

ARGUING

VIDEO GAME SOUNDTRACK PLAYS

ARGUING AND SCUFFLING

CRASHING

Right. I'm just off up to
the driving range, girls.

SHE SNIFFS

Mummy?

Mm?

Why doesn't Daddy like you?

RAGGED BREATHING

DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES

I called in the shop.
Your little assistant

said you'd be here.

Did you find time to look up
flats on the internet?

Yeah. Jo, I...
Seriously, I can't afford

anything like that at the moment.

I mean, you know,
if he's knocking you about,

you ought to go to the council
and ask for a flat. Yeah.

Yeah, I think you should do that.

They won't give me anything.

I'll go on a list.
People wait years.

Do you really think that's where I
want Florence and Poppy

to grow up? Is that where you'd want
your kids to grow up?

Do your parents know
what he's like?

They don't bother with me.
Why?

I think I might k*ll him.

Well, yeah, certainly that would
solve some problems.

Might create a few new ones.

I should be allowed
to get divorced.

Except he'd win.
He'd win everything.

He'd get the girls, he'd get
the house, all of his pension.

Why would he win?
Because that's what he's like.

He always has to win.

But if he just wasn't there,

we could just live there.

Me and the girls. And my God,
my life would be so easy.

What would you live on?

Fresh air.

How would you pay the mortgage?

I don't know. I don't care.

I might get away with it.

People know what he's like.
That policewoman did.

She was nearly begging me to shop
him for coercive control.

Why didn't you? Because you said
you were going to help me.

And you know, as soon as
all that officialdom kicks in,

they can take your children off you
like batting an eyelid. So...

I don't know.

I don't know.
Maybe I should go talk to her.

I'm going to have to talk to

one of them anyway when
those drug results come back.

I'm being blackmailed.

That's why it's a struggle

to help you out
just at the moment.

These lads came into the shop.

One of them got me in my little
consulting room and he had a g*n.

They want , quid a week, or...

Are you joking?

They're organised. They threatened
to hurt my family. sh*t. Yeah.

Well, can't you go to the police?

How?

When I've been helping
people like you?

As soon as they start sniffing
around, they're going to

lift the lid on stuff I shouldn't
have been doing. So they've got me.

I'm sorry. I wish I could
help you, but I can't.

Rob knows it was you
who gave me that diazepam.

How?

I told him.

sh*t. Joanna!

I didn't want to.

But you know, when someone's wanting
to know stuff

and they're punching the crap
out of you until you tell them...

Why didn't you
make something up?

I did to start with, but...

I have thought about
how I'd do it.

If I did k*ll him.

He drinks.

Despite all his healthy body,
healthy minds stuff,

Friday night, he drinks
himself into a massive stupor.

And I've often thought

if I could just get hold of
some ketamine

and drop it into his drink,

then I could put a cushion
over his face.

Or an injection.

If you inject air into
someone's bloodstream.

Is that true?
That it'll k*ll them?

Yeah. I think if you got air
in your bloodstream,

you wouldn't be finding
a lot to laugh at.

Perhaps you can help me
with that, then.

If you can't help me with
a little flat.

I don't handle ketamine, Joanna.

It's not a prescription drug.

Well, something else, then.

You're a chemist.

This is very kind of you.

I'm decluttering. Anything you don't
want,

just drop back in the box
and I'll put it on Freecycle.

No, I think I can use all this.

Thanks.

Got you an interview for a job.

When?

It's driving a forklift truck.

No way!

Yeah, you've to ring that
number, give them your name

and then they'll book you in.
Nevison Gallagher? Yeah.

Industrial refrigeration.
It's on the same

industrial estate as
Ramsden's, down here. Oh, I know.

If there's ever anything
I can do for you,

you will let me know, won't you?

Yeah, well, actually - and this
isn't why I've done it

so do say no if it's not
convenient, but...

..if I leave you
my little Ford...

..could I borrow your truck for a
couple of hours on Saturday?

As long as you're not doing owt
dodgy in it.

I'm only out on licence.

MUSIC AND LAUGHTER

Dad! Avinash is having
driving lessons.

Can I get driving lessons?
How much are they?

An arm and a leg.
For my birthday?

Dad! Hmm? Oh. We'll have to see.
What do you mean?

I mean, we'll have to see.

FAISAL: Have you been
following my son

as well as my daughters?

I only ask because I'd love to
know what the little sod

gets up to when he's
supposed to be at school.

What's his name?

Tahir.

You haven't got a son, Faisal.

You try and f*ck with me again

and I will prove to you

that I know your daughters
better than you do.

HE SUCKS TEETH

Especially that eldest one, eh?

Next week, yeah? Oh, and it'll be
Thursday, not Wednesday.

I'm getting married on Wednesday.

You not going to congratulate me?

Congratulations.

Nice.

And next week, cos you tried
to f*ck with me, I want this

plus another , . No, I can't do
that. Oh, you can.

You'd be silly not to. I told you,
the police might be onto me.

How?

Hmm? Eh?

How?

This...woman I gave
a few pills to got arrested,

and the pills were confiscated
by the police.

And she's not told them
where she got them from,

but I worry that she will.

She has to go back when the
tests on the dr*gs come back.

And I worry...that she's flaky

and that she could say anything,

and she reckons she's told her
husband, and he could, too.

Well, sort them out.

Both of them.

How?

That's not my problem.

And if it becomes my problem, well,
like I say...

..wouldn't take much to
persuade me to go say hello

to that eldest one of yours.

See you Thursday.

DOOR CLOSES

Where are you going?
Football.

You back on t'team? Yeah.

He asked me yesterday.
Last minute. Only cos

he couldn't find anyone else
daft enough to do it.

Was he all right wi' you?
Yeah.

Can I eat this pizza cold?

Yeah, why not?

Who are you playing?

I mean, I won't die from...

..cheese poisoning? I doubt it.
Who are you playing?

Hipperholme.
There or here?

Here. Clare and Neil
are taking me,

cos I thought you were
working this Saturday.

Well, I was supposed to be,
but I'm not now, so...

Do you want me to come?

You don't have to. I texted
Clare about it last night

and she was fine with it.

So, we might drive into Leeds
and look at some shops, so...

..you can play with your Land Rover.
Love you! See ya. Bye.

PHONE RINGS

Hiya.

ALISON: How are you doing?

He's playing football. They
should be finishing any time,

then they're reckoning they're going
to Leeds shopping, so...

..I don't know.

I forgot to tell you, because
the clutch is knackered,

you need to double declutch
when you go up the gears.

OK.

Otherwise it pops into
neutral.

OK.

And then you get honked at
by a twat behind.

OK.

Do you know how to
double declutch?

Oh, yeah. I was born in .

I remember when cars
didn't always go. Memories!

They're on the move. I'm going to
have to go, Alison. Good luck. Ta.

GEARS CRUNCH

Oh, I stink. Has anyone
got any wet wipes?

There might be some in there.

What, in here? Mm-hm.

No, can't see any.

Oh, you're all right.
I forgot I had this.

DEODORANT SPRAYS

Jesus, Ryan! Oh, bloody 'ell, lad.
You must smell like

a poke of monkeys, needing to douse
yourself in chemicals like that.

Oh...
DEODORANT SPRAYS

See you later, love.
See you in a bit.

PHONE RINGS

sh*t.

Hiya.

Where are you?

Leeds.

Leeds?

I'm in a coffee shop. Are you?

They wanted to look round Game,

and they can spend hours
in there, them two,

and it bores me rigid, so I
come and get a cup of coffee

and let them fill their boots.

How was the football?

Well, they lost,
but they did very well.

Yeah?

- .

So, that's really not that bad
for them.

He did a couple of good dives
and he saved one or two,

you know, when he stopped talking
long enough to concentrate.

Anyway, what can I do you for?

Nothing, really. I was just...

..ringing to find out
how you'd gone on.

Oh, you mean with that Hepworth?

Er...

..he were fine.

There were no incidents,
no nasty comments.

Not that I know of. I didn't see
much of him, to be honest.

What did you say to him?

Nothing much.

I think Ryan's
little old granny

turning up dressed like
RoboCop didn't compute,

so his undercarriage fell off.

You at a loose end?

No.

I hate Leeds.

Do you?

Don't know why we come.
I'd rather be at home.

Mm.

Is there owt else?

Only I've got a moderately
interesting looking sandwich

staring at me and it won't

get out of its bit of packaging all
by itself.

No.

No, I was just...

Yeah, wondering
how you'd gone on.

So, I'll see you when I see you.

Yep.

When you get back from Leeds.

OK. Ta-ta.

Bye-bye.

Hiya.

# In this trouble town

# Troubles are found

# In this trouble town

# Words do get 'round

# Stuck in speed bump city

# Where the only thing that's pretty

♪ Is the thought of getting out. ♪
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