01x03 - Toyota Cressida

[bunniefuu]

This is nice.
Yeah.

Col, is this nice? High-five?

Oh, good boy!

Do you think
he's smarter than most dogs?

No.

What?

No, I think everyone just thinks
their dog's really smart.

He is very smart.

I can see you've become
like a weird dog person.

Yeah, I'm feeling that too.

I don't know
if it's a good colour on you.

I think it's a great colour on me.

Nah.
Get on board.

I'm good.

Look at us, huh?
Yeah.

Like an old married couple.

Nice since the kids left.

Oh, my god, yeah.
Mm.

Can I say something?
I have a confession to make.

Yeah.
I never liked our kids.

Nor did I.

Nor did I.

Oh, my god, what a relief.

Yeah. (CHUCKLES)

What are you doing today?

Nothing, just day off.

Oh, I've got an appointment,
but otherwise nothing.

What kind of appointment?

Mm, just checking my iron
or something.

Ooh, what's wrong with it?
You got anaemia?

Nuh.

Hemochromatosis?

Look,
I know you're a medical student.

Mm.

Please don't use
large words over breakfast.

It's rude.

(WHISPERS) OK.
OK?

Can I still use your Ute?
Yeah.

Yeah, I've gotta get some stuff.

I mean,
Tyler's threatened to sell my sh*t.

I don't know, I should go.

Oh, well, the key's by the door.

This is yummy. Thank you.
You're welcome.

Thanks.

And thank you
for not murdering me while I sleep.

Well, not yet.

Don't make those jokes.
I don't know you well enough.

Sorry.

Nah, it's cool.
I'll m*rder you.

(CHUCKLES)
OK.

We'll see who gets there first.

OK.

(UP-TEMPO MUSIC)

(DOG WHINES)

Hello, little mate.

Do you wanna get in the bath?

Oh, stop it. Stop it. Stay there.

Oh, you cutie.

Here, boy.

Good boy.

Mmm.

No. Oh, f*ck! Oh, f*ck!

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

f*ck. Please, no, no!

Oh, please no!

Oh! f*ck!

Oh, f*ck!

(GROANS)

(THEME MUSIC)

Now, that bong water smell
will wash right out.

Oh, my god.

What the f*ck!

Oh, the lady of the hour!

This is my stuff!
No, they're my records. Drop them!

Hey, no. Give me that.

Everyone, this garage sale's over.

No, no, no, this garage sale
is definitely not over.

I told you to come by yesterday.
You didn't.

You're actually
selling my sh*t, Tyler!

You're f*cking unbelievable!

My sister's moving in.
My hands are tied.

You could have helped me
with this dog

and you didn't want to.

Correct.

f*ck me.

No, thanks.
Where are my shoes?

No, thanks.
Where are my shoes?

Drop that. Drop it!
Can you put that down!

Go. Go.
Thank you.

Run.

No, that is mine!
Get on the bike.

Get off the bike.
Quickly.

Don't drop... ride the bike!
Absolutely not.

Faster don't...

You're not getting this back.

Siri, delete last message.
Delete last photo.

(PHONE RINGS)
Oh, my... what, sorry?

Hello, sorry? What? What?

Oh, lovely.

Hey, the review's coming out
tonight online

and tomorrow in print.

And Beckett wants a comment
from you about

what you were... what was it,
"hoping to achieve" with Echo Park.

What was I hoping to achieve?
What's the vibe, is it OK?

Look, I don't think so.

It seems like the piece
is about how microbreweries

are destroying Sydney's old school
pub scene,

which are part
of our national identity,

yada-yada-yada,
gentrification sucks.

So, if you could kind of spin it
that that's not

what we're trying to do
or something?

Oh, f*ck! Oh, sorry!
OK, I'll call you back.

Hey!

Gordon,
can you please come to the house?

I really need your help.

Yes, stay there. Don't move.

Thank you. f*ck!
(HORN HONKING)

That's my boogie board!
I actually don't use that.

Oh, god.

I'm so... I'm so sorry.

It wasn't his to sell.

Oh, no, my wife's gonna love this.

Oh, will she?
But no, that's mine.

No, no, please...
Please drop it.

Stop...
Drop it. Give it to me.

Ashley!

What? Mum!

Why are you stealing
from the elderly?

Mum, what are you doing here?

Oh, what a greeting.

I'm Facebook friends
with Tyler, honey.

I saw my furniture for sale.

How much, sir?
No.

?
No, this is my bed!

Mum, Tyler's insane.

Now, now!
You know he's bipolar.

I message him every are you OK Day.
Just move.

Just let me see
if I can talk to him.

Tyler? Tyler, sweetie?

You're looking good.

Hey, what's happening?

Hi. Oh, thank you for coming.

Is he selling your stuff?
Yes.

Just put this in the Ute, please.
This is criminal.

We should take photos
of all this stuff for evidence.

My camera's broken.
Should I use your phone?

No, it's fine.
I really just need your help.

OK, we should probably call
the cops anyway.

Can I borrow your phone?
No.

Can I borrow your phone?
No.

Please?
Why?

Just quickly.

Excuse me, that's not for sale.
That's not for sale.

Rude!

Ashley Marie, Tyler's cut us a deal.

We can have everything back for $
and a nice dinner out.

I've suggested the Apollo.

It's fine, Mum.
Gordon's helping me.

Ooh! This is Gordon!

Hello.

Lynelle.

Very normal, Mum.

It's lovely to meet you.

I don't mean to be crass, Gordon,

but you appear to be more
in my swimming pool

than my daughter's.

(LAUGHS)
I'm not much of a swimmer, really.

Happy to teach you.

Ah!

Did Ashley tell you how young I was?

No.

No, well, she wouldn't, would she?

Oh, no!

I'm so sorry...

No, ah, Peggy's taken a turn.

Oh. What?

Meggles's nan,
she's dying, and I've gotta go.

I've gotta go.

Oh, dear god. I'll come.
I'm a death doula.

No, she's not. She's not.

Yes, I am! All my friends die.

You keep making friends
with people who are dying.

That's different.

Death is my constant companion.

Death is my constant companion.

Tyler,
don't sell any more of my sh*t.

Mum paid for it already.

Should... yep.
You follow me.

God, she's bossy, isn't she?

Yeah.

I'll text you the address.

No, no, don't do that.
Don't.

That's very, very dangerous.
I'll just follow.

OK.

You're not coming, Mum.
Thank you.

It's lovely to meet you, Mrs...

You don't know
my daughter's surname, do you?

Oh, I don't, I'm afraid.

But you're sleeping together.

Ah, no, no we're not.

Oh, well, it's Molden.
Ah.

But I'm a Steinhart.
Oh, OK.

Well, lovely to meet you,
Mrs Steinhart.

It's Miss.

OK, well, alright, see you soon.

I hope so.

Yeah, alright.

Ooh, lovely old car.
Yeah.

It's got a bit of grunt, doesn't it?

It does.

Ciao-ciao!
Ciao.

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

(KNOCK AT DOOR)

Hey, Ash,
all the stuff's in the garage.

That's the last of it.
Hi. You must be Megan.

That's the last of it.
Hi. You must be Megan.

I'm Flash.
He's Gordon.

Oh, the dog guy.
I've heard many things about you.

Oh, cool.

OK.

Sorry, this is... this is your nan?

Mm-hm.
Yeah.

Meggles is adopted, Gordon.

Totally.

Is that Ashy?

Yes.

Peggy, it's me. How are you?

Oh, James.

Lovely James.

No, I'm not...
I'm not James.

Sorry.

No, Nan, this is Gordon.

(TO HERSELF) Oh. Horrible.

She said horrible.

Yes, I heard that.

Sorry, it's a lot of this.
I'm gonna get some tea.

OK.

So, everything's in the garage.

I've gotta get to my appointment,
but I'll call you later?

Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, you can come back.

Meggles doesn't mind.
Oh, OK.

Meggles doesn't mind.
Oh, OK.

Yeah, and also,
I'll come back for Colin.

Hey, get out of it. Get out of it.

Um...
What she doing?

He was just sniffing that...

Oh.
..bag.

Mm-hm.
So, yeah.

Yeah.
OK.

Um...

Also?
Mm.

Can I just look at your phone?

Mine's broken.
Yeah.

I just want to see how long you...

Oh, you texted me.

Oh, it doesn't matter.
Doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.

What do you mean, doesn't matter?
Leave it.

Anyway, it's just a...
Let me check it.

..stupid message.

Oh, my goodness, what are you doing?

Don't take my phone!

Just... Shh!

Let me just... I'm so sorry.

I just sent... I sent you something
and I just wanna delete it

'cause it's not important.

What are you doing?
Can I please just have this?

Give me my phone!
Leave it.

Drop the phone.
Leave it. Just give it to me.

Just give it to me. No.
Give me the phone.

No. No.

(PEGGY INHALES SHARPLY)

Sorry, Peg.

(MOUTHS SILENTLY) Just f*ck off!

Don't.

(WHISPERS) I'm very sorry.

You're out of control.

You're out of control.

Please just delete that text.

I sent you a text and it was for...
It was just my mistake.

How bad could it be?
It doesn't... forget it.

It's not for you.
Look, man in a bath.

No, no, no, no.

Oh! Oh, my god.
What the f*ck.

Don't.
Oh, my god.

(LAUGHS)

Please don't laugh.
Don't laugh.

Yes, it was an accident.

Oh, my goodness, "He misses you"!

Yes, it was an accident.
It was a complete accident.

I was just taking a photo of him,
but...

Oh!

..it's a terrible angle
and I would...

Don't show it to her!

And I didn't...
I was taking a photo of the dog.

But look, it's a terrible angle,
because the water actually acts

as a lens
which fore shortens the object,

which in this case is my d*ck.

Don't!
Yeah.

And if I were to send
a proper d*ck pic,

and I have, it would be better.

And mine is better than that.

Sorry, what?

Sorry, nothing.

Nothing.

I'm so sorry, Meggie... Peggles.

Meggles.

So, Gordon, here we are.

Here we are.

I take it you've read the pamphlet?

Yes, I have.
Good man.

What we are doing today
is a flexible cystoscopy.

Mm-hm.

And we are checking your bladder.

OK. Fantastic.

Men who have had testicular cancer

are often at risk of developing
other cancers in the region...

Yep.

..so it's best to check.

Yep, fantastic.
Yeah?

I'm going to insert something
nice and thin.

Yep.
About the width of a pencil...

f*ckin' hell.

..up the old Urethra Franklin.

(CHUCKLES) OK?

Alright.

Whoa.

Later on,
you may feel some discomfort

with urinating,
and I wouldn't recommend

inter course or masturbation.

OK.

If you must masturbate,
do it slowly and precisely.

I... I won't.

(CHUCKLES)

Alright, good man.
No erections for you.

Alright, good man.
No erections for you.

That's the golden rule.

Now, don't be frightened.

Oh, Gordon.

Handsome fellow. Lucky you, eh?
Thank you.

We'll just have a little look.

Permission to come aboard.

Hold still.

Yep, yep, yep. Ooh, ooh!

And... we... are...

Mm, mm, mm.

Yep, yep, yep, yep.

DR ..in.

Oh, no.

What? What is it?

Idiot's in the bunker. Sorry.

Hey.

Shh, Colin, shh.

How is she going?

Well, Palliative Care stopped by

and they said it's any moment now.

They gave her some more morphine.

They gave her some more morphine.

Megan, I'm so sorry.

I'll... I'll just take Colin
and I'll get out of your hair.

No, you don't have to.

Yeah, we are drinking her
special occasion brandy.

I don't want to intrude, honestly.

My nan's dying.

Drink with us.

Yeah. Yeah, of course, yeah.

You OK?

Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Thanks.

So, she showed you the photo, then?
Yeah. Good. Good.

She explained the...
what was it?

Foreshortening...

Foreshortening.
..too, though, so don't worry.

Yes. Ah, good.
Got all the details.

It was... it was actually
a nice distraction, so...

Well, glad to have helped.

How's your pub?

It's a microbrewery,
which is a little bit...

But yeah, it's... it's... it's good.

I mean, I say it's good.

I was just in a car
sending an email to a journo

to give him my mission statement

about what I was hoping to achieve
with this whole endeavour.

But he ordered a cider
at a microbrewery,

which I think is a bit insane...

Just take it down...
Sorry.

(WHISPERS)Just...
Oh.

It's...

Nan? What is it?

It's now.

It's... it's now.

Don't let the Japs in.

Did she just...
Don't.

She's gone.

Hello! I'm here!

Dad, we're in here!

Am I too late?

I'm so sorry, Dad.
You just missed her.

(SOBS)

Goodbye, Mother.

Did she say anything?

I... I don't think so.

No.

Thanks for coming, Ashy.

She loved you very much.

She loved you very much.

I loved her.

And you too, James.

I know we haven't met, but...

I'm so sorry, I'm not James.

Sorry.
Um...

Bernie, this is Gordon.
A friend.

Oh, I do beg your pardon.

No, I'm sorry. I apologise.

(BLOWS NOSE)

Is that your lovely old
Toyota Cressida out the front?

Yeah, it is. Yeah, yeah.

Fantastic car.

Thank you.
The ' ?

It's ' .

Right.

And manual, or...

a*t*matic.

Oh, it's a six cylinder.

Yeah.
Mm.

Three-speed auto.
It's a really great car.

Very lucky.

I am. Thank you.

Thank you so much for saying it.

(MOUTHS SILENTLY)
I think we should go.

Yes.
I'm so sorry for your loss.

I might head off.

I might head off.

Yeah, I might go too,
unless you need me for anything.

No, it's fine.

We'll just... we'll stay with her
for a while

and make some calls and...

Thanks for being here.

Yeah. I love you.

I'll call you.

Love you, Bernie.

Love you, Peg.

Bye, Bern.

Oh, Ash, can you thank
your mum for me, please?

Why's that?

She gave me a lift
from the airport just now.

'Course she did.

Oh, that was f*cking devastating.

Yeah.

Jesus.

I would m*rder a beer.

Oh, thank sh*t. Yes.
Yeah.

Let me take you to my place.

Great.
I thought it was closed today.

It is, but I sleep with the owner.

Myself. I sleep with myself.
Right.

Ah, why don't you follow me
and we'll open up.

OK.

How was it?
Oh!

How was it?
Oh!

Oh, Jesus.

I felt her spirit
leave not long ago.

I gave it a good energy.

Did you?
I don't think you did.

Just thought I might catch you.

Just thought I'd say,
"Hey, girlfriend."

But I actually told you
specifically not to come here.

Do you know
how inappropriate this is?

Bernie and I play Farmville,
so I reached out.

Sue me.

Gordon, don't leave me hanging.

I added you on Facebook,
naughty boy.

Ah, I will get onto that.

You added...
I haven't added him on Facebook.

That's really f*cking weird.

Goodbye, Gordon.

Goodbye. Bye.

Bye, Mum.

Bye!

Mum, are you leaving?

Mm-hm.

Yeah, you're not going inside?

Uh-uh.

But are you going now?

Yes, I'm going.

Go on.

Just need to... just to find...

What are you pretending
to look for, Mum?

Just go.
I wanna watch you physically leave.

Off you pop.

I just want to just go
and pay my respects.

Just, well, yep.

There's actually
a dead body in there, Mum.

I know!
I'll be really quick.

I know!
I'll be really quick.

Mum, just go!

Oh! Fine.

Don't have children, Gordon.

They only break your heart.

OK. Bye, Ms Steinhart.

Who's Ms Steinhart?
She is.

Oh, she's going round the back.
Mum, I can see you!

I've gotta follow her.

♪ I'm looking down
On the bloodline ♪

Ah...

That's really something,
seeing someone die.

Yeah, it is.

I mean, it's very intimate, death,

and I kind of can't believe that
she d*ed with us there.

Yeah.

I mean, people normally
wait until they're alone.

Do they?
Yeah.

Like doctor pops
out for two minutes,

comes back in, they're gone.

Oh, my god, that's so sad.

This is cool.

Mm.

What's with the barrels?
Do you make wine?

Oh, no,
those are old bourbon barrels.

We age the beer in there,

because it gives the beer
this entirely different quality,

depending on the character
of the bourbon that was in there,

the notes of that oak.

So, only if you drink that beer

from that barrel
will you have that experience.

Oh, that's cool.

Yeah.

I mean, it's a bit nerdy, but...

I like it. Mm.

I think we're about to get
roasted in this review anyway, so...

Well, remember what Peggy said.

It's now.

It is now.

Eh? It's now.

Also, don't let the Japs in.

That was terrible.

It was awful.

(PHONE CHIMES)

Oh, sh*t.

What is it? What is it?

He's posted the review.

I can't... could you read that?

Oh, OK.

Please? And just be gentle.

Oh, no.
What?

I can't read.

Don't!
No, I'm kidding.

I'm an excellent reader.

In Year , they said I...
OK, could you read it?

OK, sorry. OK

Um... oh, Gordon!
What?

"It's time
for a change of the guard.

"The days of the old pubs
on the corner

"filled with men leering at women
over warm VB are over.

"These run down, piss-soaked dives

"are being replaced by
establishments like Echo Park."

Are you kidding me?
Nope.

Oh! Oh, that's amazing!

He gets it!
Oh, yes! f*ck yes!

He gets it.
Come here. Congrats.

Thank you.

(LAUGHS) Great.

Alright!

Yeah.

Alright!

How about that.

I mean, whatever.
Who cares, anyway.

You care.

I care quite a bit, yeah.
Yeah.

That's a relief.

Cheers.

Real talk?

Real talk?

Yeah, I think we can real talk.

Why do you think you're single?

Wow.

It's just that you've got
such a nice

bar and good hair.

Why do you think you're single?

Well, I'm newly single,
so I'm not...

I don't really know yet.

But I get the feeling that
you're quite... single.

How come?

The unicycle.

And the punching bag.

Wow, man, you buy one unicycle...

And the stationary bike.
And the drums.

Yeah, look,
I mean, I don't know is the answer.

I...

I really,
I just work most of the time.

I mean, I'm on all the dating apps.

I'm on all the apps.

I don't know,
maybe... maybe I just...

It just feels a bit empty to me.

Maybe I'm expecting too much.

Do you do the old

"I sleep with the owner
personal beer tasting" move much?

It's not a move...
I don't... it's not a move.

It's not a move...
I don't... it's not a move.

This is not a move?

Oh, my god.

Is it working?

No.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm just kidding.
Come here.

♪ This is the last time

♪ The last time I call... ♪

It always works.

Always does.

Paying for itself.

♪ The last time I call ♪

(BOTH BREATHING HEAVILY)

Yes. Yes!

Ahh! Stop, stop, stop, stop.

What!
We can't do this.

Why not? What's happened?

You've got your thirty days
of sexless.

Oh, I...
Yeah, yeah, no, no, no...

No, I don't care.
No, no, I care.

Ooh!
I care.

(TO HIMSELF) Oh, f*ck.

(TO HIMSELF) Oh, f*ck.

What is going on?

Um, honestly,
you've had a lot to drink,

I've had a lot to drink.

I... I consent...

No, no, I... I don't
want to take advantage.

You're not, man, honestly.
Honestly.

I consent... I consent to it all.
I'm all good.

I understand that
now is a different time,

you know, and I respect that.

I'm on board with that.

Well, I'm not on board with that.

If we do it sober,
it will mean more.

I don't know what you're saying.

I don't want to ruin the friendship.

I wanna build on it.

You know what?

I might just have a shower
and might just hit the hay.

I have had a good night.

♪ Well, I'm gonna
Get myself together

♪ Around the kitchen table
Some day soon

♪ And maybe now that
I'm a little older

♪ I might tell myself the truth

♪ That I'm always thinking of ya

♪ That I'm always thinking of ya

♪ Yeah, I'm always thinking of you

♪ And if I try to think it over

♪ I'll name myself a fool... ♪

(TO HERSELF)
What the f*ck was that?

♪ I'm gonna get myself together

♪ And make a mends

♪ For all that I've done wrong. ♪