04x11 - Chock

[bunniefuu]

Happy birthday, Dave.

Thanks, Bill.
How did you know it was my birthday?

Beth came around asking
everybody to chip in on a cake...

for the surprise party
they're having for you later.

But I got you something
on my own instead.

Well-- Well, thanks, Bill.
That's very nice.

It's one of
my favorite books. Thought you'd like it.

Huh. Crazy From The Heat
by... David Lee Roth.

He's, uh--
He's from Van Halen, right?

I don't know
what town he's from.

But apparently he was
some kind of musician before he started writing.

Great read.
Plus, you could pretty much finish it in one night.

Guess who!
Ah! David!

What the hell
are you doing here?

Well, is it,
or is it not your birthday?

Oh, man.
Yes. Hey, wow.

Hey, Bill, this is one of
my oldest and best friends from college, David Jackson.

Hi, guy.
Anyway, the third chapter is really my favorite part.

He's from Wisconsin too.
Uh, Milwaukee.

Well, Cedar Heights,
to be exact, if you want to be exact about it.

Hey, let's not
get into that again. Oh, I know!

[ Chuckles ]

Okay. So anyway,
there's this long passage about some bad investment--

Bill, there's something
I just want to get out in the open right now.

When we were in college, David
and I were both members of a-- an all-male a cappella quartet.

Yeah.
We called ourselves-- Don't tell him that.

Why not?
Okay. What the hell. Go on.

We were called--
♪ Chock Full O' Notes ♪

I thought you were
gonna do that with me. Hmm? What?

Oh, I'm sorry.
Sorry. Well--

Tell you what.
Come get the book when you're bored with this guy.

Wow. So how-- how'd
you get the time off?

I thought you were
managing both stores now. I was. I quit.

- You quit?
- Yeah. I wanted to be here on the big day.

- What big day?
- The big three-two.

You quit your job
to be here with me on my 32nd birthday?

Yes!

All right.
Quit the screwin' around. Where's the birthday boy?

[ Dave ]
Oh, man! Bob! What the hell?

- How long have you guys
been planning this? - Ten long years. Come here!

[ Growling, Laughing ]

This is another one of
my oldest friends, Bob. He was in the a cappella group too.

Say, what's going on here?

Are you guys getting
the old group back together for one more sh*t at the big time?

Well, it's not gonna
be easy, but yeah. We're gonna give it a sh*t.

[ Chuckles ]
Yeah, right. [ Sniffs ]

The popular music scene
is pretty competitive,

but, you know,
we got this dream.

Hey! It's one part dream,
one part sound business decision.

Sounds like you guys are
pretty serious about this.

Oh, yes, sir.
Yes, indeed. Yes, sir.

Huh?

Um, well, no, it seems
like, uh, maybe you and-and we have, uh--

Maybe we have some
things to talk about.

Ah, screw the talk!
Let's sing!

One, two--
♪ One, two, three, four ♪

No, let's talk!
Just talk.

Well, here they are, Jim--
the three tenors.

[ Chuckling ]

He's a baritone.
[ Laughing ]

Yeah, Dave--
[ Clears Throat ]

Bill was saying that you're
thinking of quitting your job...

and join some kind
of all-male chorus.

Is that right?
Well, actually, um, Chock Full o'Notes split up...

after our final performance
at... Badger Jam '88.

After which
we made the pact.

Ooh, a pact. Let me guess:
no girls allowed. [ Laughs ]

What kind of pact
was that?

Well, we all swore that
if we turned 32 and we were all still bachelors,

we'd reunite
and make a go of it.

See, now that's--
that's the part I really don't remember.

Thank God
I got it in writing.

[ Sighs ]
You did?

- Did you pull up those articles
on the sanitation strike? - [ Laughs ] Yeah, you wish.

I haven't even finished
cataloging these tapes yet.

Well, it-it's really
kind of important.

What I'm doing is kind of
important to me right now,

and I'm having a hard time
concentrating on what you're--

You're playing
computer solitaire!

Yeah. Have you ever played?
It's a blast.

Matthew.
Yeah?

We all worked very hard
to get you your job back,

so maybe you should
think about working.

Oh, wait, wait, wait.
King of spades, king of spades.

Got it. Okay. Now, what--
You guys worked very hard to do what? I'm sorry.

That's it!
Start paying attention, stop acting like an idiot,

and catalog those tapes
like I told you to!

Yeah, b-but I--
Just do it!

Okay.

Dude, that was
a little harsh.

What? So now you
want a piece of me? Is that it?

No. Not at all.
Good.

I always knew she'd ask me that
someday, I just didn't think it was gonna be in that tone.

Look, guys, I don't want
to be a jerk about this,

and I don't want
to get into a debate on the legal merits...

of a contract written on
a-- on a Denny's place mat, but isn't Brian married?

- Engaged, but not married.
- Yeah, but still--

- We checked.
- Yeah, but still, we couldn't do this without Brian.

It just wouldn't be
Chock Full o'Notes without Brian.

Well, then I guess it is
Chock Full o'Notes. Brian! Hey!

Dude!
We didn't think you were gonna make it!

Yeah, actually,
I almost forgot.

But it was my
32nd birthday last week.

And I knew there was something
I was supposed to remember.

And then I remembered,
and I left the party and got in my car and drove here.

Oh, well, hey, thanks
for doing that, Bri.

Hey, enough B.S.-ing, guys.
Let's sing! Yeah!

Two, three--
A three, a fo-- Hold--

- Whoa, whoa.
Can I help you? - I wanna watch this.

Brian.

I'm sorry, sir,
this is a closed rehearsal.

Let it go, Joe.

Then I lost my temper,
and I yelled at him.

I know. I saw it.
It was awesome.

[ Sighs ]
I didn't mean to do it.

- Problems at home?
- No.

The only problem I have
is sitting right out--

Oh, God, Beth,
he's crying!

Big whoop.
I make men cry all the time.

Yes, but this
isn't closing time at T.G.I. Friday's.

I shouldn't be
yelling at him like that.

If you're upset
about problems at home,

there's no reason you shouldn't
take 'em out on Matthew.

Misplaced anger can
be a very great motivator.

I don't have
any problems at home.

- All right. We got a problem.
- What?

Matthew's crying.
Yeah, we know.

Yeah. Yeah, I'm pretty sure
one of Dave's singing friends did it.

No, Joe. I did it.
It's my fault.

[ Clicks Tongue ]
Are you sure?

Because I'm pretty sure
it was one of the singing guys.

Joe, you were there
when Lisa yelled at him.

[ Clicks Tongue ]
You're right. Damn!

- Why do you even care?
- I don't know.

For some reason,
I really want to kick that big singing-guy's ass.

So if you need that
done for any reason, I'll be around.

Lisa--
[ Clears Throat ]

I finished cataloging
that-- that box of tapes like you asked.

Okay.
Thank you, Matthew.

[ Mumbles ]
And I'm sor--

Guys, I just think
a cappella singing is kind of a specialized niche.

Look, if wanting to
storm the pop charts...

with a style of music
that most Americans find extremely gay,

or in some other way
distasteful, makes me a loser, then fine.

Guilty as charged.

Bob, you're really
into this too?

No. But I made a promise,
and I keep my promises.

- Well, you don't seem
too happy about it. - I'm not happy!

I was about to make partner
at my law firm, and I quit for Chock!

You did not.

Yes, I did.
I quit for Chock.

I-I quit for Chock also.

Yeah, okay, but, uh,
I was a highly paid civil litigation lawyer,

and you worked at
a comic book store.

Hey, my work made
your work possible!

Now you're being sagacious.
What are you talking--

Guys, guys, come on.
Let's not get into one of these things, all right?

Okay.
I'm okay. Sorry.

All right.
Can I ask a question?

- Of course, Brian.
- I've been trying to follow this,

and it seems like you guys
are talking about not doing the singing thing.

Yeah, well,
Dave certainly is.

I wish you would
have told me before I canceled my wedding.

Brian, please tell me
you didn't cancel your wedding just for this.

Well, the contract said
you had to be 32 and unmarried, so what was I supposed to do?

Oh, Brian.

She was
a good woman too.

Loved a cappella music.

Guys, let me get some work done,
then we'll continue this discussion later, okay?

Come on, Dave!
Just try it on once, for old time's sake.

- But we never wore those.
- That's because we weren't professionals back then.

Look, guys, I really need
to get some work done.

Hey, whoa! Whoa!
Wai-Wait, whoa!

Dave, you didn't--
you didn't tell me they were a barbershop quartet.

I love--
I love barbershop.

Terrific.
I knew I'd seen these jackets somewhere before!

Sir, we are
most definitely not a barbershop quartet.

What's wrong
with barbershop?

I don't know.
Uh, everything?

You know,
it's a bastardization of the form.

It's an entirely sagacious
format of music. I mean--

- You guys do any
doo-wop numbers? - Oh, right. Like Sha Na Na?

Yeah.
Thanks, Bowser. [ Chuckles ]

[ Chuckles ]
Bowser.

[ Tauntingly ]
Just get it over with.

Well, maybe I can tell them
I'll sing with them part-time,

you know,
like on weekends, that sort of thing.

Dave, there comes a time
in every friendship when you have to say,

"I never liked you.
Get lost."

Now that time has come.

Look, Bill, I really don't
expect you to understand this sort of thing.

No. I know exactly
what you're going through.

I was in a very similar
position once.

You were?
Yes, in the sixth grade.

My three dearest friends and I
made a lifelong pact that we would be best buddies forever.

But then they hit puberty
before I did,

and they kicked me
out of the group,

pulled down my pants
in front of a bunch of girls and b*at me up.

That's not similar at all!

Isn't it, Dave?

No, it isn't.
Fine.

If you can't handle this,
it looks like I'll have to.

No, Bill, I don't want you
to hurt their feelings. I won't.

Yes, you will.
Oh, that's not my style!

Yes, it is.

Matthew, have I ever
hurt your feelings?

You, Bill?
No, never. See?

Lisa, on the other hand--
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hi, fellas.

You mind if I interrupt
your bull "sesh" for a second?

Now, I haven't known Dave
as long as you guys have, but I consider him a friend.

Ah, who am I kidding?
I love the little guy.

And it would just break my heart
if he left me and all his new friends here...

just to join some
barbershop quartet.

Sir, we are
most definitely not a barbershop quartet.

Oh. Well, what the hell
are you guys?

We are an a cappella group,
thank you very much.

Sir, what is it about
the three of us and our music that you don't like?

[ Sobbing ]
Bri-Bri!

[ Sobbing ]

Uh, are you feeling better,
Matthew?

[ Sighs ]
Yeah. Yeah, I am.

In fact, I'm-I'm--
I'm writing a song.

Oh. I-I didn't know
you wrote music.

Well, I just do the lyrics--
you know, mostly protest songs, stuff with a message.

Do you know a word
that rhymes with unicorn?

Did you finish those tapes?

Oh, yeah.
Yes, I did, boss.

Good! Good job.
Thank you. Thank you.

Okay.
Now I just need these in my office, thanks.

Okay, well,
here they are. Take 'em away.

Matthew?
Yeah?

Get your butt up and take these
tapes back to Lisa's office like you should have done,

and do it now!
What?

Now!
Okay!

Let's go!
Pronto! Okay, okay!

What did you
do that for? To get him to do the work.

Besides, my mother made me talk
to my stepfather last night. Oh, God.

- Matthew, Matthew, Matthew.
- I'm such an idiot.

You're not an idiot.
You're just saying that.

No, I'm not, Matthew.
Well, Beth obviously thinks I'm an idiot.

She doesn't think you're
an idiot. Beth doesn't think you're an idiot.

Beth, you don't think
Matthew's an idiot, right?

Could you please,
for me, tell him that you don't think he--

♪ Unicorn ♪
Matthew!

Get those tapes
into my office immediately! Sorry.

Lisa, what-- what exactly
is going on here?

Nothing, sir.
Nothing. Everything's fine.

I can't find the tapes.
They're on the table by the stairs.

All right. All right.
How many times have I told you?

If you have problems,
you leave 'em at home!

Matthew is the problem, sir.

Ohh.

Oh, you and Matthew are
having a little relationship outside the office. I see.

You know, David,
I'm sorry that I don't want to do this--

Why be sorry?
You think I want to go through with this?

Well, based on every
single word you've said since you got here, yeah.

Dave, I live in
my parents' garage...

with the car.

I work in
a comic-book store.

And even I find something
humiliating about...

four grown men making a career
out of a musical style that even old people hate.

Why the hell are you here?

Because I don't want to
break those guys' hearts.

You know, they've blown
their whole lives to pursue this stupid-ass dream,

and I just
can't do that to them.

Well, look.
I love those guys as much as you do,

but do you really expect me
to change my life to make them happy?

Yes! I did!
There's no turning back now!

I quit my job, and I moved out,
and my parents got a second car,

so, you know, now-- now
I'm essentially homeless, you know.

Unless they park at an angle.
Then I could squeeze in. Yeah, I--

I'd have enough room.
I understand. I understand.

Look, you know--
you know, David, I'll uh--

Just give me some time
to think about it, okay?

Okay. And don't
mention it to them. I won't.

My man.

[ Laughs ]
That's right. [ Chuckling ]

Dave.
Huh?

Brian, you scared me there.
Don't be scared of me, dude. I'm not like I used to be.

No, no. I just meant
you kind of snuck up on me.

Oh, I'm sorry.
I was hoping we could talk alone.

I mean, if it's cool.
Sure. What's up?

It's about the singing thing.
It seems like a really bad idea.

Ah, I see.
I see.

You don't really
want to go through with this either,

but you gave your word
and don't want to let the guys down, right?

Could you repeat
the question?

I'm just starting to get
the feeling-- not based on anything--

just a feeling
that I'm getting--

that maybe none of us really
wants to be in Chock Full.

Well, wait. What?

Yeah. You know, maybe we're
just all going through this...

so that we don't
let the other guys down.

Well, the last thing that
I'd ever want to do is to let any of you guys down.

Yeah.
What about you, Brian? Yes.

Me too.

So, it seems kind of
silly to go through with something...

that nobody really
wants to do.

Hold it.
Are you serious?

None of you guys
wants to do this?

Oh. Okay.

Are you insane?

I didn't quit my law firm
just to have you wussies back out on me!

- We're doing this!
- Well, I'm sure they'd take you back.

No, they wouldn't, okay?
'Cause I didn't quit.

- I was fired.
- Why?

For singing too much!

I wanted to keep my pipes
in shape for the grand reunion!

But I guess I was the only guy
willing to lay my butt on the line...

for all-male
a cappella singing.

Bob, just take it easy.
No one's quitting, right, guys?

Yes.

Dave, I-I don't know
where you come up with these crazy ideas...

that no one
wants to do it!

[ Laughing ]
Oh, yeah. You had me going there, man.

No, Matthew, I'm-I'm not
saying you're not allowed to cry at work.

I'm just trying to keep
the lines of communication open here.

Matthew, I just want you
to do your job.

Okay, I'll tell you what.
I promise that I'll try to be a hard worker,

if Lisa promises that
no matter what kind of problems you're having at home,

that she just leaves them there,
and doesn't drag 'em into the office and take 'em out on me.

Okay. That sounds fair
to me. Lisa?

'Cause you know what?
When I have problems, I'll write a song.

Yeah, all right, Matthew.
Or sometimes I'll play a little computer solitaire.

Okay. But my point is--
Sometimes when I'm really tense--

Matthew--
I just feel like I just gotta shake out the sillies.

Matthew--
You know, just shake them out.

Matthew--
Come on, Lisa. Shake out the sillies.

Yeah, shake 'em out.
Shake 'em out. Matthew!

I'm trying to
work something out here,

and I-I don't need you
bouncing around like some kind of freakin' lab monkey!

You see?
Everyone has problems at home. Even Mr. James.

- No. I don't have any problems!
- Then why are you yelling?

Because he's shaking out
the sillies! [ Beth Crying ]

You don't need to yell at her
because you're mad at Matthew. I'm not yelling at him!

I'm yelling at you!
I know! But this isn't helping to teach--

You understand--
Matthew--

What the hell
is wrong with you, son?

We're having
a knock-down, drag-out for your benefit,

and you-you--
you just disappear?

It's 6:00.
Oh. 6:00? You wanna go get a drink?

Yeah, I'll go.
Excellent. You get going. I'll meet you down there.

Hold it, hold it!

- No-- No yelling, Lisa.
I mean, we're off the clock. - What?

I know you're upset.
You know what you have to do.

- What?
- Whatever problems you have, just leave 'em at work.

All right.
Let's go get loaded. Okay?

[ Sniffling ]
Wait. We're getting drinks.

Is it 6:00 already?
I've got to get a watch. Uh-huh.

[ Jimmy ]
Let's go.

[ Dave ]
I feel so guilty. I mean-- [ Bill ] I know, Dave.

But it's like
my father used to say.

When I was a child,
I thought as a child and spoke as a child.

But when I became a man,
I took that child out back and had him sh*t.

Bill, was your father
in the Khmer Rouge?

Automotive sales.

Hey, Dave.
Last chance for Chock.

Yeah.
Hey, you guys, um--

I really respect you guys
keeping your dream alive,

and I wish I could be
part of it, but, uh, really, I just can't.

Yeah. Well, we figured,
but it's not gonna stop us.

We're taking our music
to the people. Right, guys?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Well, Dave, you know,
I don't really go in for sentimental crap,

but since we're saying
good-bye, we might as well do it with a song.

♪ [ Pitch Tone ]
♪ [ Humming Pitch ]

♪ [ Off-key Vocalizing ]
♪ Somebody's off ♪

♪ Not me ♪
♪ Yeah Somebody's off ♪

♪ It's not you
It's somebody else ♪

[ Off Key ]
♪ I might be a little off ♪ Not a little. Way off, man!

Come on. What?
It's been, like, 10 years. Yeah.

And in all that time, you
couldn't find a few hours a day to set aside to practice?

We had lives, dude.

I mean, you guys did.

I guess you guys thought
we would get together...

and stroll to
the top of the charts?

- Look, Bob, come on.
- You know, back out! Okay?

You're not even
in the group anymore.

- Yeah, but there's no reason
for this to turn ugly. - Screw this, all right?

You're all out of the group,
and I'm outta here.

Well, now you're
being sagacious. Hey, shut up, all right?

That's my word.

All right. The next time
you guys see me,

I'm gonna be up on a stage
with three guys who give a hoot!

- Well, uh, you guys
wanna get a drink? - Yeah.

- Wanna come along, Bill?
- Sure. Where are we going?

I don't know. How about
one of those bars downstairs?

[ Brian ]
Dave? Mm-hmm?

What does "sagacious" mean?