03x01 - Coulda Shoulda

[bunniefuu]

- That one.
- That one? Alright.

So when he rocks up,

all you gotta do is say you
wanna see the g*ns first, ok?

How's that? No, that way?

Yeah? Ok, good.

- Go and annoy your mum, angel.
- Girl: Mum, I want to play!

Doesn't matter what
he wants to do.

- You've gotta see the g*ns.
- Alright.

Now, guys, you
gotta be aggressive.

Can't be f*cking
around with this guy.

We gotta f*ck him up.

If we don't, he's
gonna start thinking

he can come back at us
and we don't want that.

- Girl: Daddy!
- Why don't we just knock him?

Why knock him if
we don't need to?

Trust me, if we do this right,

this m*therf*cker's not
gonna come back at us.

Hey, blood capsules,
yeah? Fake blood.

Whack two in your gob. Put 'em
in the corner of your mouth.

Then when we start
to give you a bit

of a touch-up, you
can bite down on 'em,

make it look like we've
gone to town on you.

Jesus, mate. I don't really like
the sound of that, to be honest.

Don't be a f*cking p*ssy. We're
not gonna f*cking hurt ya.

We gotta make it look good

so they don't think
it's a f*cking set-up.

(kids shout)

Ok.

- Have you got that?
- Yeah.

- Are we good?
- Yeah.

(splashing and laughter)

- Woman: Good job, honey.
- Child: No!

(insects chirp)

(rubbing)

(engine rumbles in distance)

(brakes squeak, engine stops)

(doors open)

- How youse going?
- Good, mate. How you doing?

Not too bad.

How you wanna do it?

Oh, you show me the toys,
I'll get you the cash.

Alright.

(bag rattles)

(man grunts) have a look.

- Happy?
- Righto.

- Get on the f*cking ground, pal!
- Whoa, whoa!

Don't you move! Don't
you f*cking move!

- Get the f*ck on the ground!
- Alright, mate.

- Get down now! Get down now!
- On the f*cking ground, c**t!

- Get the f*ck down!
- Get down there, you...

(grunting)

- Abracadabra! Get the f*ck down!
- Ugh!

- Ohh!
- Get down!

- Oh, f*ck!
- Get on the f*cking ground!

- (grunting)
- get on the f*cking ground, bro!

- f*ck you!
- (groans)

(grunting and shouting)

(imitates groaning)

Grab the f*cking bag!

You stay the f*ck down!

I've got the g*ns, I've
got the g*ns. Let's go!

- Huh!
- Hurry up!

Let's get out of here! f*ck
you. Stay down, you f*ck!

(moans)

(coughs and gasps)

(car doors thud, engine starts)

Oh...

sh*t, boys. f*ck!

You right, mate? Mate?

Oh, come on, mate.

We gotta get you
out of here, mate.

Come on. I'll get you
up. I'll get you up.

(grunts) come on, come on.

Come on, mate. I'll get
you back to the car.

(groans)

Here. Come on.

There you go.

Get your legs up.

Oh, f*ck.

Oh, sh*t. Mate, come on.

Hey, mate, we gotta get you up.

Come on. We gotta
get you out of here.

Oh, sh*t. Come on.

(groans)

(grunting)

Oh, come on. Get up. Come on.

Here we go. (speaks
indistinctly)

Here we go. Come on.

Get in, get in.

(pants) get in.

(man mumbles)

Oh, go on.

(grunts)

(pants)

Alright, I gotta get
the f*ck out of here.

Ohh... Ok.

(starts engine)

(tyres squeal)

(moans softly)

(birds chirp)

How you feeling?

Not great.

Why'd you run me over?

You know why.

Mate, I had nothing to
do with the rip-off.

- Who else knew?
- Mate, how would I know?!

What, you reckon I told anybody?

Cut the sh*t, will ya, mate?

Mate, I'm telling ya!

Okey-dokey.

I just want the g*ns back,
mate. That's all I care about.

Honestly, I swear
on my kid's life...

(motor sputters)

- (motor starts)
- come on, mate.

Please! Come on!

Come on! I swear to god!

Mate!

Come on! Please, mate!

- (motor revs)
- please! Please...

Ok, ok!

Ok, ok! Ok!

- Ok, ok, ok, ok!
- (stops motor)

(pants)

Ok.

Ok, what?

Ok, I'll get the g*ns for ya.

I want names too.

I can't... I can't
give you names.

But I can... I can
get the g*ns back, ok?

You just... You just
gotta give me my phone.

- Names.
- Mate, I can't give you names.

Why can't you give me names?

Look.

These blokes...

Like, they're my
mates, you know?

Like, I've known these
guys my entire life.

Like, I just can't give 'em up.

Ok? Like, I'm sorry.

I just f*cking can't.

Well, you're a loyal bastard,
mate. I'll give you that.

Give your mates a call, huh?

(grunts)

(line rings)

- Man: Heya.
- Mate, it's me.

- f*ck, steve, what's going on?
- Look. We, uh...

We gotta give the
g*ns back. Yeah?

No, look, mate.
They... They know.

- What do you mean, they know?
- Ok, they know.

What? You f*cking told them?

Yeah, well, I f*cking had to!

He was about to chop me f*cking
leg off with a f*cking chainsaw!

"Everything will be
fine," you f*cking said.

Well, it ain't f*cking fine!

Ok, I've been run
over by a f*cking car.

I've been chained to a
f*cking fence all night.

- f*cking come and get me!
- Calm the f*ck down.

No, don't tell me to
f*cking calm down!

(man on phone
speaks indistinctly)

sh*t!

You got a pen there?

Uh... Yeah.

Ok.

Farley's brook, harndorff road.

There's an old, uh, farmhouse
there called belleview.

There's a sign out the front.

You got four hours.

You bring the g*ns,

grand cash

or we got a problem.

(phone beeps)

(handbrake creaks)

(engine stops)

(birds squawk)

How'd you pull up?

Not bad.

So how you wanna do this?

g*ns and cash first, please.

You alright?

Yeah.

- The cash?
- (scoffs)

Our lad first, hey?

(mutters)

I'll see you 'round, hey?

(engine starts)

- Oh, f*ck!
- Get out, get out!

Oh, f*ck!

(g*nf*re and shouting)

- Ugh!
- Oh!

Jim! f*ck!

(all grunt)

- (g*nf*re continues)
- oh, f*ck!

- (grunts)
- (man shouts)

Ugh!

- No!
- No, steve! Wait!

- Arggh!
- Get up, steve!

Get up!

Bastards!

- Steve!
- (groans)

f*ck! f*ck, steve! Get up!

f*ck, steve! Come
on, mate. Come on.

I f*cking need you
to get up. Come on!

Ohh!

Ugh!

(pants)

Oh!

f*ck. (Groans)

Oh, f*ck. Oh, f*ck.

(grunts and pants)

Oh...

(breathes heavily)

(gags)

Bit off more than
I could chew, eh?

Just a little.

Sorry about that b*ating, mate.

It was nothing personal.

Don't worry about it.

Should... Should've just
given you the f*cking cash.

Coulda, shoulda.

It don't matter now.

Well, no, but, you
know, my boys...

I got 'em k*lled, hey?

(gurgles)

What's your name?

Huh...

Graham.

Ray.

(wheezes and gurgles)

(exhales)

Eh...

(sighs)

(zipper buzzes)

f*cking hell.

What's that?

Yeah, three-way split.

Nah, you guys split it.

- What?
- I don't want it.

You ok, ray?

Easy, tiger.

(low, sombre music)

(exhales)

(sighs)

(machine whirrs)

(light rock music
plays on stereo)

What's your birthdate?

March '.

You're a dragon.

- Is that good?
- Yeah.

You're in my
triangle of affinity.

What's that?

It's where there's three
animal signs in a triangle.

Dragon - you, me - and
then monkey and rat.

Is that what your mum is, a rat?

No, she's a tiger.

Tigers don't get along
with dragons, though.

That's why you got divorced.

So if you want to
get married again,

you need to find someone
who's a dragon, monkey or rat.

Easy-peasy.

People don't say
that anymore, dad.

It's, like, circa .

Ok, word n*zi.

Ok, boomer. You can
just drop me here, dad.

- What for?
- Just drop me here.

- Yeah, but why?
- 'cause.

What, you too embarrassed to be
seen with your old man now, hey?

Just drop me here.

(kids chatter)

'Bye.

- No kiss?
- I'm .

(window whirrs)

(shouts) love you, brit!

- (girl laughs)
- girl : "love you, brit!"

little sh*t.

- Girl: 'bye, dad.
- Man: 'bye. See you tonight.

(bell rings)

(men chatter)

Man: Hey! Whoa!

f*cking serious?

(mutters) f*cking jerk-off.

Man: Good on ya, f*cking idiot.

Man: Oh, here we go.

Man : What's your
problem, dickhead?

You're slapping the mirror.
What's your problem?

You're supposed
to stop, dipshit.

Why is that, mate?

Because it's a pedestrian
crossing, mate.

So where's the white stripes
painted on the road and the sign

that says it's a pedestrian
crossing, then, buddy?

- Still a crossing, you fuckwit.
- Is it?

- Oh!
- Hey!

Are you for real?

(siren blips)

Oh, f*ck.

(lock buzzes)

(people chatter lowly)

Kelsey?

Back against the wall.

Ok, we're gonna conduct
a search on you.

Listen to the
instructions given to you.

Do exactly what I say.
Do you understand that?

- Yep.
- Ok.

To start off, take the
shirt off and hand it to me.

Underwear off and hand
it to the officer.

Lift your balls.

Right up.

Leg out like that.

And now the other leg.

(lock clicks, gate creaks)

Just wait there. Yep.

(gate slams)

(lock rattles and clicks)

(man shouts in distance)

(indistinct chatter on radio)

Man: Hey, sweeties, how are ya?!

(prisoners shout and whistle)

(door clangs, lock clicks)

(muffled shouting in distance)

- (footsteps pace outside)
- (door clunks nearby)

(keys jangle)

(prisoners jeer
and shout outside)

(door clangs)

Ray: How you going,
mate? Alright?

Sorry.

(door shuts, lock clicks)

(shouting and banging outside)

- First time in, huh?
- Yeah.

You can tell?

Yeah, normally we
don't sh*t in the cell

'cause it stinks the joint out.

(flushes toilet)
sh*t, sorry, mate.

That's alright. You didn't know.

Cheers.

If you need to sh*t,

just use the communal
dunnies down the hallway.

- Right, yep.
- Yeah.

I'm adam.

So what are you in for?

Oh, it's a... Long story.

Got plenty of time.

Uh, I'm...

Well, my wife started
seeing this dude

behind my back for a while.

- Mmm.
- Like... Yeah.

You know, it wasn't
the first time.

Mmm.

But, yeah, she was
seeing this dude

and she took off with him,

and I didn't really
give a sh*t about that.

Uh, well, like, I did.

The problem was, um,

we have a kid together

and, yeah, so I just... I
just wanted to see my daughter

and make sure she was ok
'cause, yeah, she's only .

Yeah, anyway, to cut
a long story short,

she took an avo out on me

and I didn't realise, like,
you can't even text somebody

when they've taken
an avo out on ya.

I texted her a few times
just saying, you know,

I want to see my
daughter and all that,

and, yeah, she told the cops

and so now I'm in here
for breaching the avo.

- Oh, that's f*cked.
- Yeah.

What are you in here for?

r*pe.

sh*t.

Mmm.

I should stop, but I just
f*cking love doing it, you know?

- Love raping.
- Yeah?

Oh, yeah, well, you've got...
You're probably... Yeah.

That's... Yeah, it's not
for me to judge, hey?

- You never r*ped anybody?
- Me? No.

How come?

Um... How come?

I just... Yeah,
don't know really.

Just not really into it.

But, like...

What, do you think
there's something

wrong with it or something?

No, no. Like...

Ray: Yeah.

I mean, it's not like
I r*pe women and sh*t.

Oh, ok.

Just blokes.

Huh. Yeah, well...

Oh, you f*ck.

(adam laughs) f*ck me.

Oh!

I'm ray anyway.

I'm adam.

- Good to meet you.
- f*cking hell.

Almost had a f*cking
heart att*ck.

- Sorry about that, mate.
- (laughs)

Couldn't resist. Had to do it.

(laughs)

Jacinta on phone:
Hey, it's your dad.

- Brittany: Hello?
- Hey, sweetheart.

- How are ya?
- Good. Where are you?

Ray: Uh, queensland.

Yeah, I know. But
where in queensland?

Um...

Near brisbane.

- How's school?
- Good.

When are you coming back?

Oh, hopefully, you know, like...

Probably two, three weeks maybe.

What do you mean, hopefully?

Oh, not hopefully.
You know what I mean?

Um...

Just, you know,

like, I'll probably
be back in...

You know, probably
two to three weeks.

Why are you being weird?

I'm not being weird.

I'm just, uh... You
know, everything's good.

And, uh, you know,
just look forward

to seeing you when I get back.

- Ok.
- Ok?

Alright, I love you.

Love you.

(line clicks and beeps)

Dad's being weird.

Jacinta: Mm, what's new?

('A well respected
man' by the kinks)

♪ 'Cause he gets
up in the morning

♪ and he goes to work at nine

♪ and he comes back home at :

♪ gets the same train every time

♪ 'cause his world is
built 'round punctuality

♪ it never fails

♪ and he's, oh, so good

♪ and he's, oh, so fine