07x07 - So Long, Frank Lloyd Wrong

[bunniefuu]

Hey, Hackett,

where in the hell is this
incredible mechanic you hired?

He was supposed to be here
half an hour ago.

He's not here yet?

Brian, what is the story?
You said this guy was great.

Yeah, he sounded great
over the phone.

Hold on, you hired this guy
without ever meeting him?

Listen, he had
amazing qualifications--

I mean, the guy was a Marine.

You know, the few, the proud...

the willing to work
for what Lowell made.

All right, I got
the 9:00 flight.

You're gonna do the
pre-flight check.

Aw, man, why me?

Because you screwed up

and left us
without a mechanic.

Pre-flight complete

and plane ready
for inspection, sir!

You must be Budd Bronsky.

When did you get here?

4:00 a.m., sir!

4:00 a.m.?

I'm sorry, sir,
I overslept, sir!

Well, I'm Brian Hackett.

Spoke to you on the phone.

This is my brother,
Joe Hackett.

Pleased to meet you, sir!

How you doing, Budd?

You really don't
have to call us "sir."

Oh, speak for yourself.

Roy Biggins,
owner of Aeromass.

Report!

All Aeromass aircraft prepared

and ready for flight, sir!

(laughs)

Nice to meet you
there, Budd.

Welcome to Sandpiper.

Someone owes me
an apology.

I'm sorry, sir!

It'll never happen again, sir!

Did it.

Did it.

Did it.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God!

I...

No, I did it.

Joe.

(stamps floor)

Sorry, I thought
Joe was in here.

You must... be
the new mechanic.

Hi. Budd Bronsky.

Antonio Scarpacci.
How do you do?

Glad to know you, Tony.

I don't mean to be,
uh, standoffish,

but, uh... the man
you're replacing, Lowell,

was one of my dearest friends,
so...

may take me a little while
to warm up to you.

Gotcha.

Did it.

Nothing to do with you
personally, you know.

I understand.

Did it.

But you seem like
a pretty nice guy,

so maybe if I have
some time later,

I'll buy you
a cup of coffee.

I'd really like that,
but I'm kind of swamped.

What about tonight?

You free for dinner?

I mean, you got
to eat, right?

I usually brown-bag it.

What do you want me
to do here, beg? Okay.

All right, look,
Lowell's history.

I got nobody here,
please.

What do you got,
ice in your veins?

Hey there.

Easy, big fella.

Uh... I'll have a cup
of coffee with you.

Yeah, sure, whatever.

Oh, so, Casey,
how's the job search coming?

Well, what do you think
I'm better suited for

dry cleaning spotter
or a fishmonger?

Well, it depends.

What's more
important to you--

money or glamour?

CASEY:
Oh!

You know who that man is?

That's Y.M. Burg!

(gasps)

My goodness!

Right here on Nantucket.

Who is Y.M. Burg?

Well, he's a very
famous architect.

He's designed museums
and libraries

and some of the most beautiful
houses in the world.

Excuse me, Mr. Burg?

Yes?

I am a big admirer of yours.

I just love your use
of neoclassic lines.

So, so spare,
so crisp, you know.

Just totally rejecting

the traditional
order of ornament.

Well, thank you very much.

You seem to know a great
deal about architecture.

I like to consider myself a
student of all things cultural.

FAY:
Uh, Casey?

Acme Rid-A-Rodent
is on the phone

about that gal Friday job.

Oh, oh, my God!

This could be
my big break!

Wish me luck.

(under breath):
Good luck.

Hey, Helen.

Let me ask you something.

How would you
like to build

a beautiful new house
in just two months

and do it all without hiring
some money-grubbing architect?

Here, check this out.

"Prefab housing kits--

"from the lumberyard
to your yard,

they are pre-fabulous."

Excuse me, do you plan
to buy a house from a kit?

Yep. All you need
is a hammer

and a Visa card.

I don't know, Joe.

Do you really want
to mail away for a house?

I sort of had my heart set
on a little Cape Cod

with a little picket fence
and window boxes...

That would be #8,
the Nor'easter.

Excuse me, may I see that,
please?

Sure, yeah.
Thank you.

Hey, ah, if you're
interested,

if we order two houses,

the third one's
only a penny.

Uh, I'm just curious--

is this going to be
your first house?

Oh, no, we had
a wonderful house,

but it b*rned down.

We lost everything.

Oh, no, that's awful.

Yeah. Happened when we
were on our honeymoon.

Oh, my God!

You're newlyweds
and your house b*rned down?

I can't imagine anything worse.

Yeah, now we're living
with relatives.

That would be worse.

I don't know, honey.

When I thought about
building my house,

I mean, I really wanted

to pour my whole heart
and soul into it.

But, hell, I say we go
with the Captain Toby.

No, no, no, no, please,
I can't let you do this.

Look, I'm something
of an architect myself.

(chortles)

And considering what you two
have just been through,

it would be my pleasure
to build your house.

Let me introduce myself.

I'm Y.M. Burg.

Thanks, but these people
are professionals.

I can see that you're
going to be on a budget.

So I'd even be willing
to cut my fee.

Hey, I know what
this is about.

Housing market is
pretty rough right now.

Must be tough
finding work.

These prefab people, they
seem to be doing pretty well.

Maybe they're hiring.

Yeah, why don't you
give them a call?

And don't give up!

Well, thank you.

I'll just keep
plugging away.

Good luck to you.

You, too.

Hope you find a job.

So...? What were you
talking to him about?

Oh, gosh...
get this.

Poor guy was so
desperate for work,

he practically begged
to build our house.

He offered to build your house?

What did you tell him?

No, thank you.

Oh, wait, Y.M. Burg offered
to build your house

and you turned him down?

I'm going to be sick.

Why? Who's Y.M. Burg?

Who is Y.M. Burg?

Okay.

Architecture Monthly.

Let's see...

Okay, Y.M. Burg.

I mean, this is just
a little beach house

he built in Monaco for somebody
named Princess Caroline.

Oh, my God.

That is the most beautiful
house I've ever seen!

Maybe we can catch him.

Helen, I can't believe you would
insult a man like Y.M. Burg.

Like you knew who he was,
Mr. Pre-fabulous.

Oh, me?

What about you?

(mimicking):
"Well, good luck.

Hope you find a job."

Hi. We're Joe and Helen Hackett.

We have an appointment
to see Mr. Burg.

Oh, yes, of course,
the Hackett house.

You hear that, honey?

We're a house.

He's running a little late.

Please, make yourself
comfortable.

Great, thanks.

Wow! Look at

all these incredible
buildings he's designed.

Isn't this great?

(weakly):
Yeah.

What? What's wrong?

Oh, nothing.

It's just that
now that we're here

I feel so out of place.

Now, Helen, cut that out
right now.

We're not some schmoes

that walked in
off the street.

Y.M. Burg chose us
for a reason.

Frankly, I think
he was impressed

by my knowledge
of prefab.

So I just want you
to relax, okay?

All right.
Be yourself.

Joe, Helen.

I'm sorry to keep
you waiting.

But you know
how the mayor is.

Oh, yeah, mayors.

Oh-ho...!

don't they just?

Please.

Come in,

come in, come in.

(sigh of satisfaction)

Wow! Your office
is beautiful.

Well, thank you,
I'll tell the designer.

Oops! That's me.

(laughing)

Okay, ice broken.

Please, sit.

Now...

let's build a house.

I've been batting around
a few ideas, but...

first, I want to hear
what you've been thinking.

Well, a lot of
our neighbors

have the classic
Cape Cod,

you know, with the little
white picket fences

and the window boxes...

Good, now we know what to avoid.

How can I put this
in, uh, laymen's terms?

How do you feel about geometric

free-standing space?

Well...

We love it.

Excellent!

All right, now, tell me
about your lifestyle.

For instance, do you do
a lot formal entertaining?

Well...

Oh, constantly.

Joe, drinking
a gallon of water

and doing your
big tummy trick

does not constitute
formal entertaining.

(laughs)

Oh, isn't she delightful?

(laughs heartily)

Mr. Burg, I've got
that call for you.

Thank you.

I've got to take this.

I'll be right back.

But, while I'm gone,

I want you to think about...
chiaroscuro lighting.

Yes...

yes!

Oh, this is going to be fun.

I am so glad
that we are simpatico.

All right.

(hushed):
Be right back.

What is wrong
with you?

Geometric
free-standing space?

Maraschino cherry-o
lighting?

Joe, why aren't you
telling him what we want?

Look, Helen,
you don't tell Rembrandt

how to paint a portrait

and you don't tell Y.M. Burg

how to design a house.

Now, if you were just
a little more open-minded,

you would be simpatico, too.

I will say this though--

he could use
some fresher snacks.

That's potpourri.

Oh, hey, Budd, Budd.

Hey, got to take off now.

Have you done the...

Pre-flight's done, sir!

Oh. Great, great.

Listen, man, I just
want to tell you

that I think you're doing
one hell of a job.

Happy to be
working here, sir.

Happy to be working anywhere
since the incident.

Uh, what...

what incident?

Nothing.

Have a nice flight, sir!

(sighs)

Helen, you ready?

We're supposed to be
at Y.M.'s office at 3:30.

Ready.

We're going to see our plans.

I'm really getting excited.

Hey, hey, are you going
to see that Burg guy?

Mm-hmm.

Do me a favor.

Ask him what he charges
to do a rumpus room.

I'm thinking of

busting out a wall
and putting in a foosball table.

Yeah, right, Roy.

Y.M. Burg is going
to give up

a wing of the Smithsonian
to panel your rumpus room.

Not if he don't come in
with the lowest bid, he won't.

Mr. Burg?

Helen, Joe.

I'm so glad to see you.

We are so excited.

We are, too.

Oh.

Listen, this is, uh...

this is a little
embarrassing, but, uh...

I was lunching with a friend
from Architecture Monthly

and I happened to mention
my new residential project

and, uh, well, they want
to document the Hackett house

from start to finish.

I hope
a little publicity

won't be too much
of an imposition.

Well, guess a little press
goes with the territory.

(Burg chuckles)

Yeah, Joe, you're
a real media magnet,

aren't you?

Well, are you ready
to see your house?

Yes.
Yes, we are!

Well, all right,
then!

Here it is.

The Hackett house.

Th-that's it,
that's our house?

Extraordinary, isn't it?

It's...

it's a seven.

It's pure form.

What do you think?

Oh, well,
Joe, go ahead

and tell him
what you think.

I love this!

I am trying
to understand

how you can love
a house like that.

Okay, I admit it is
a somewhat unorthodox design.

It's a seven.

Look, Joe, I could
not have married a man

who wants to live in a number.

I could not have made
that big of a mistake.

Admit it, you hate it.

I don't hate it.

Oh... you got to hate it.

Of course I hate it,
it's a freaking seven!

But he's Y.M. Burg
and what do we know?

What if we're wrong
and it turns out great?

I don't want
to be known as the idiot

that turned down
the Y.M. Burg house.

This is just one of
those real bad lose-lose things.

So what are you saying?

I'm saying we bite the b*llet
and live in the seven.

Okay.

All right.

All right,
how does this work again?

The master bedroom is on top

and, in the morning, we just
slide down to the kitchen?

Helen...

Helen, he already explained
why there can't be stairs.

Oh...

Oh, Joe, this is
all out of control.

All I wanted

was a little house

with a nice
little white picket fence.

A little garden...
a place

where we could have a family.

And be together.

A place...

that someday might have
an ounce of resale value.

What am I doing?

I...

Oh, honey, I'm sorry.

Why do we care
what anyone else thinks?

You know what?

You are going to have
that house that you want.

Come on.
Where we going?

We're gonna go to Boston

and tell Y.M. Burg

there's no way we're
gonna live in a number.

Oh, thank you.

Now, we're sure
about this, right?

Maybe that seven

will just blend right
into the neighborhood.

Only if our neighbors
build an eight.

Did it.

Did it.

Oh, my God.

Oh, no...

No, I did that.

Hey, Roy, let me
ask you something.

Hmm?

If you knew somebody who had...

something like...

I don't know, some sort
of incident in their past,

what would you...

What are you looking
at me like that for?

What did
you find out?

Damn it, those records
were supposed to be sealed!

Don't you believe
in a fresh start?

BUDD:
Oh, my God!

What, wh-wh-wh...
what's the matter?

Nothing.

Oh, uh, by the way,
um, that plane...

where is it?

Uh, well...

if it's not here,

then, then Joe
must have taken it.

Oh, so he might still
be out on the runway?

I'm going to go for a walk.

Not to worry.

Already took off.

God in Heaven,
not again!

Okay, Budd, Budd!

Budd, what's going on?
What's going on?

Joe and Helen in danger?

Is there something wrong
with the plane? Come on!

All right, all right,
I'll tell you.

I forgot to double-check
the windshield wiper fluid.

God!

That's it?

I, I think, uh,
it's about time

you and I had
a, a little talk.

About what?

The incident.

Oh, come on,
come on.

Whatever it is that happened

I mean,
can't be that bad, right?

I mean, it's not as if you,
you downed a plane, right?

Huh?

Right?

Huh?

Oh, God...

I hired a mechanic
that downed a plane.

Oh, God.

There's probably a perfectly
good explanation, huh?

My kitty was sick.

Sick kitty.

I'd been up
three straight nights

and Sergeant Whiskers,

he-he just couldn't pee!

Please tell me
that's your cat.

Yes.

Okay.

Budd, Budd, Budd,

focus now, focus, okay?

The incident.

There any casualties?

No.

Thank God.

But two joint chiefs
and a senator had to bail.

And, uh, there's
no longer a town in Iowa

called Taterville.

Just tell me what happened.

I have been over that
in my mind a thousand times.

Did I tighten the bolt?

Did I tighten that bolt?

Did I tighten the bolt?!

Okay, and... Budd? Budd?

Did, did you?

Oh, man, I've been
asking myself that.

Did I tighten the bolt?

All right, well...

Obviously you just have
a loose bolt somewhere.

But, uh, I mean, there must
have been an investigation.

Yes, and the board of inquiry
cleared me.

Oh, well, so? Let it go.

I keep trying, but...

I can't shake the feeling

that it might
have been my fault.

All right.

Listen, Budd, uh...

I've been screwing up
most of my adult life

and generally it is my fault.

All right?

But I just try to live
by this simple creed:

"So sue me."

So sue me.

I like it.

Budd, you're
a great mechanic.

You're a nice guy.

You just got to learn
to stay cool and, uh,

and not panic.

I believe I can do that, sir.

Good.

Uh, my 2:30 from Boston's
about ready to take off

and the pilot wants to be sure

you checked the latch
on the cargo door.

Sure did.

Or did I?

Did I check the latch?

Did I check the latch?
Did I...

Mother of God!

Helen, the more I think
about this, the madder I get.

I cannot believe
that that guy

almost talked me
into building a seven.

Not only am I going
to go in there and fire him,

I am going to tell him off.

No, now, Joe, let's not
make this any worse.

Why don't you let me go
in there and handle it?

Well, all right, Helen,

but don't let him
talk you into anything.

He can be very persuasive.

No, not with me.
I'm just going

to go in there
and calmly tell him

that we'd like
to live in a house

that's actually
house-shaped.

(knocking)

Excuse me, Mr. Burg?

Helen, I didn't
expect to see you.

Listen, um,
we have talked it over

and, well, frankly,

we're a little
disappointed

about the house.

Disappointed?

I am furious!

Those fussy
tradition-bound oafs

on the Nantucket
Architecture Board

didn't approve our plans.

Can you believe it?

(flatly):
Oh, what an outrage.

Well...

you sure tried.

Thank you,
I'll see you later.

No, no, no, no, no.

Now, I promised you
a Y.M. Burg house

and, by Godfrey,
you're going to get one.

Well, you know, really,
you don't have to.

We're just not worthy.

Well, that notwithstanding,

um, the board
wants traditional,

so I'm working up
a little sketch.

That's fantastic.

Well, yes, for a Cape Cod,
it is quite wonderful.

Oh, look, it's got a window box
for every window.

(gasping)

Stairs.

Oh, God, I love it.

I just love it.
It's beautiful.

Oh, my God, it's
happening again.

What is going on in here?

Joe, I love the house now.

I told you not to
let that big phony

talk you into anything.

Joe, shut up.

Oh, no, no, no, no,
I want to hear this.

You want to hear this?
Okay.

It's a seven
and it's goofy.

Joe, please...
No, Helen,
let me finish.

I think you're pretentious,
your buildings are weird,

and your potpourri
tastes like crap.

And if you think

for one minute that we are going
to raise our family in this...

this...

incredibly beautiful,
tasteful home

you are absolutely right.

Wow! Is this ours?

Not anymore.

No!
No!

(phone rings)

WOMAN:
Hello, Pre-fabulous Housing.

Hi, this is
Joe Hackett.

I'd like a quote
on the Nor'easter.

Hey, Antonio,
thanks for lunch.

I hope I didn't bore you with
that story about my neck.

Uh, no, no, no, no.
It was fascinating.

Listen, you know, I really
don't want you to think

this is going
to be a regular thing.

I'm just not looking to replace
my good friend Lowell.

I understand.

So, do you have any plans
for Thanksgiving?

Um, nope.

You do now.