08x09 - Wingless: Part 2

[bunniefuu]

Joey, is everything okay

with the business?

Sure.

Why would you ask me
a crazy question like that?

Joe! Joe!
The plane is missing!

The plane is missing!

And why would the bank
repossess our plane

if we've missed
one lousy payment?

It wasn't just one.

Well, how many payments
did we miss?

Three.

Well, why didn't you tell me
we missed three payments?

All right, it was eight.

Eight?!

If we could just find a way

to pump a little cash
into the airline

to get us on our feet again.

Right. We need a cash pumper.

Maybe I could find
a financial broker.

You know,
a guy who could

hook us up
with some investors.

Right, we need a hooker.

Gentlemen,
let's cut through the guano.

We all know the reason I'm here

is because you guys
are in the dumper.

So, just... how much
were you thinking of investing?

Gentlemen, I don't invest
in companies.

I buy them.

Well, it looks like Clayton

just bought himself
an airline.

Joe and Brian Hackett,
this is my son Cord.

He's just out of school.

How you doing?

Cord's going to be
running Sandpiper.

He's your new boss.

What qualifies you

to run this airline?

Okay, that's a
good question.

It's a really good question.

Anybody?

What's the problem?

What's the deal?

I'm very sorry
for the delay.

If you'll just be patient,
we'll be with you

in just
a few more minutes, okay?

So, did you track down
the little weasel?

No. I've been calling
Cord's hotel all morning.

There's no answer.
Great.

I can't take off
without fuel.

Cord's the only one
who can sign for it.

These people depend on us.

The most important
thing we have

is our relationship with
our customers.

Excuse me...

Just sit down, Grandma-- we'll
be with you when we're ready.

Joe, what are we going to do?

Oh, there's nothing

we can do.

Cancel the damn flight.

Sandpiper regrets to inform you

that we are canceling
the damn flight.

Helen, do you believe this?

I'm going to k*ll that Cord.

He's here one day,
he's ruining the business.

Joe, you have got to relax.

You are becoming obsessed
with that kid

taking over your company.

It's interfering
with our personal life.

What are you talking about?

Well, let's just say
when a woman is having sex
with her husband

the last thing she wants
to hear is him screaming

"How the hell do I get
out of this position?"

Hey, Brian,

we had to cancel
all our flights

because we can't find Cord.

I don't think we're gonna get
a plan in the air today.

A day off with pay?

I likes being an employee.

Doesn't this bother you
at all?

Are you that apathetic?

Listen, Joey, I know
it's really hard to accept

but Sandpiper airlines
is no longer our responsibility.

So, if the airline's a mess,
it's Cord's problem.

Yeah, and when
Sandpiper goes down

and we no longer
have jobs

whose problem is it then?

Morning, everybody.

So, nothing like getting up
bright and early

on your first day at work, huh?

It's 2:00 in the afternoon.

It is?

Well, what time do we knock off?

Oh, you must be Cord.

Mm-hmm. And you are?

Helen, Joe's wife.

And Joe is...?

Me.

I'm Joe, one of your pilots.

May I have a word with you
in my office?

Why? Is something wrong?

Oh, no.
No, of course not.

Just we've had to cancel
all our flights.

We're basically shut down
right now.

Wow. All on my first day.

How could this happen,
Pilot Joe?

Okay, let me explain this to you

with a little visual aid,
all right?

Imagine that this is the plane

and that this...

Easy there, Pilot Joe.

Why don't everybody
just sit down?

Let's talk about this
over some lunch.

Cord, what can I get you?

Nothing. Thanks.

Somebody left this
muffin basket at my hotel.

I totally pigged out.

It was just my little way

of saying welcome
to the Sandpiper family.

CORD:
Well, that was

really nice of you, uh..?

Ticket Agent Fay.

It was my pleasure.

And if there's
anything else you need

you just let me know.

Dinner reservations,
car rental...

I give quite a pedicure.

Well, thank you,
Ticket Agent Fay.

Okay, so,
enough sitting around.

What do you say
we get some work done?

Staff meeting.

Everybody in my office.

It's that way, right?

Yes, it is.

And that's why
you're the boss.

Muffin basket?

Pedicures?

Hey, I'm going which way
the wind blows

and right now,
Pee Wee is the wind.

Okay, look, I know
I've only been here one day

but I've been doing
a lot of thinking

and I know exactly
what this airline needs.

What?

Are you ready?

A really big idea.

Okay, we're waiting.

What's the really big idea?

What do you mean?

The really big idea
is the really big idea.

Well, finally,
the kind of fresh young thinking

this airline's been needing.

What thinking?
What's she talking about?

You know,
that's not a bad idea,

a really big idea.

What's not a bad idea?

A big idea.

A really big idea.

Well, I must say,
I'm very impressed.

This is crazy.

Saying you have
a really big idea

is not a really big idea.

Joey, don't dump on it

just 'cause you didn't
think of it first.

Think of what?

What is the really big idea?

Seems to me that most of
us are already on board
with this, Joe.

On board with what?

The really big idea
is the really big idea?

Finally, it's getting through.

Okay, look, I think we've
had a really productive morning.

So, um, let's just
break off into groups

and we'll explore
this further.

Fay, you're on my team.

Oh, you bet I am.

Well, this is insane.

"The really big idea."

How can you be on board?

He hasn't said anything.

I'd watch it, Pilot Joe.

Your attitude has been noticed.

And thank you
for flying Aeromass.

( chuckles )

Like they had a choice.

Oh, I love being
the only game in town.

Enjoy it while you can.

What does that mean, huh?

You are so naive.

Don't you know
who owns Sandpiper now?

Yeah, some guy named Clayton.

Edgar Clayton.

Clayton Industries.

Transportation,
communications.

cr*ck a Business Week
once in a while.

Listen, Edgar Clayton
does not take over a company

to let it fail.

If he put that kid

in charge
of Sandpiper,

trust me,
he's up to something.

Hey, I'm not worried.

He can't hurt me.

He could have you
for breakfast.

For a year.

Excuse me.

We haven't met.

Roy Biggins,
C.E.O. of Aeromass.

Aeromass...

Your competition.

I didn't know
we had any competition.

Kind of cocky,
aren't you, kid?

But you have the plans
to back it up, huh?

Oh, you bet he does.

Cord's come up
with a big idea.

A big idea?

A really big idea.

So, uh, what's
the really big idea?

Well, between you and me,
I don't have a clue.

Oh, come on, kid,

what are you up to?

You're adding to your fleet?

Expanding your routes, huh?

Oh, no.

It's not private
charters, is it?

Private charters?

Is that a good thing?

Oh, you heartless bastard.

You put your finger

on the one market
I haven't been able to cr*ck.

Well, I'll see you around.

Don't you thr*aten me.

I'm not just going to lay down

and roll over, you know.

You're not the only one
around here

with really big ideas.

Oh, I'm a dead man.

Do you believe
this kid, Brian?

What are we going to do?

Well, he did say

we should break off
into groups

and start working
on the big idea.

You listen to me, Brian,
and I want to be very clear.

As long as I live,
I never want to hear the words

"really big idea" again.

Oh, Joe, I just heard.

What's the really big idea?

There is no really big idea.

Oh, fine. Well,
if you won't tell me...

I am trying to tell you.

There is no really big idea.

I don't know why he won't
get on board with this.

Okay. All right,
here he is.

Cord, my wife wants to know
what the really big idea is.

Now go on. Tell her.
Tell her the really big idea.

We turn Sandpiper
into an exclusive
private charter service.

Huh?

Well, it's the one market
that our competition

hasn't been able to cr*ck.

Wow. I'm impressed.

Thanks.

Now, if you'll excuse me

I'm going to go start
putting this into motion.

Private charters?

That is a great idea.

Now, why would you
hide that from me?

Because that is not
the really big idea.

He said that the big idea
was the really big idea.

Um, Joe, honey,

now, you're not
making any sense.

I'm not making sense?

He's the one
that's not making sense.

He doesn't know what
the hell he's talking about.

Right, Brian? Right? Right?

You know, your attitude
has stunk from the get-go.

( Joe screaming )

Joe, just
come in here,

sit down and relax.

Everything's going
to be just fine.

Joe. Joe. Are you okay?

It was nothing.

I really don't see
what the big deal was.

I... I heard
you turned blue,

your eyes bugged out,

you did a...

you did a header
into a garbage can.

He just had a minor,
minor anxiety att*ck.

( whispering ):
Speak in very even tones
and make no sudden moves.

I'm... I'm glad to hear
it's nothing serious.

What's with
your dolly?

The doctor gave it to me.

I'm supposed
to squeeze Mr. Googie

whenever I feel
I might pitch over again.

I see.

So there's nothing
wrong with you

physically.

You're just
a freakin' nut case.

Look, I'm not...

Now, just calm down.

Nobody thinks
you're crazy.

Just squeeze
Mr. Googie

and visualize
your happy place.

Don't get
confused again

and squeeze
your happy place

and visualize
Mr. Googie.

How you doing, Joey?

He's in
his happy place.

Yeah? Well, he won't
be there for long.

The plane's gone.

Wha... what do you mean,
the plane is gone?

How can the plane be gone?

Cord! Cord! Cord!

All rise

for the president of Sandpiper.

Where is the damn plane?!

Oh, I leased it to
a crop-dusting company.

You what?

Squeeze, baby,
squeeze.

Okay. Here's
what's going on.

Do you remember
my really big idea?

Keep a-squeezing.

I called
this friend of mine

in the music business.

Are you ready for this?

Okay, The Todds are going
on a three-month tour

and we are going
to fly them.

I mean, they are
the hottest thing

in country music
right now.

Just trust me-- we are
gonna make more money
in three months

than you guys made
all last year.

The Todds?

I love The Todds!

That is a great idea!

I mean, you know,
it doesn't suck.

Joe, do you hear that?

Do you hear it?

Hear what?

Nothing. Not a sound.

Unlike that blender
we used to fly,

this is a real airplane.

Come on.

It's not that much
different from ours.

Yes, it is.
We can't outrun this one.

Come on, admit it, Joey.
This is a great airplane.

Come on, admit it! Admit it!

All right, I admit it,
I admit it.

This is a great plane.

This is an incredible plane.

This is the coolest plane
I've ever flown.

And who do we have
to thank for all this?

All right, I know,
so the kid did have
a really big idea.

You're damn right.

Can you believe
who we have back there?

Nina and Tammy Todd--
The Todds!

I know, man.
I love them.

I have
all their albums.

Butterflies and angels

And meadows full of mist

Always kind
of makes me

Think of the time
that we first kissed.

I wonder if this plane
has ejector seats.

Attention.

This is your co-captain,
Brian Hackett.

We have reached
cruising altitude.

Flight attendant, you may
commence beverage service.

Hi. My name is Casey,

and I'll be your
flight attendant.

May I just say what an honor
it is to serve you.

I love all of your songs.

Especially
"Heaven Is a Place Called You"

and... what's that one
from your first album?

Double vodka, rocks.

I don't think
I've heard that song.

Well, get used to it,
because she sings it a lot.

Okay. What can
I get you, Tammy?

Oh! May I call you Tammy?

No.

Diet Coke.

All righty, then.

Diet Coke?

Talk about rearranging
deck chairs on the Titanic.

That's fresh, Mother.

A slam at my weight.

Why don't you just
slam back a couple more vodkas,

you leathery old barfly?

You know, I'm just going

to let that roll
right off my back.

Yeah. Just like the drummer,
the bass player

and half the horn section.

What keeps you warm at night

other than a big bucket
of McNuggets?

Two voices
and one heart

Nothin' could ever
tear us apart.

Joe, please.

Don't make me use
the flare g*n on myself.

Oh, sugar?

Nina's glass is empty.

Oh. Really?
Why, I just set it down.

Did you spill it?

Yeah, she spilled it--
right down her gullet.

All right, well, I'll
just bring you another one.

And would you like
something to snack on?

I'll have some of those
honey roasted peanuts.

How about a bale of hay
for Bessie over there?

Tinkle, tinkle.

Coming right up.

Tammy, I think
we should go over

some of the songs
we're going to sing tonight.

Don't you mean
the songs I'm going to sing

and you're going
to sway suggestively to

like the no-talent horndog
that you are?

How dare you call me a horndog?

Well, hello, Dolly!

Hi. Excuse me.

I don't mean
to interrupt

but I just wanted
to introduce myself.

I'm your pilot,
Joe Hackett.

May I also say
I'm one of your
biggest fans.

And may I say--

even though we just met--

I'm one of yours.

Tammy, move

your fat bucket off that seat

and let sweet good-lookin'
sit down.

Uh, well...
You know,
I'm sick and tired

of looking at your
old, ugly, reconstructed face.

Moooooo!

That's it!

I'm not
taking your abuse

for the next three months.

This tour is off!

That's fine with me!

Wait. You can't
cancel the tour.

I should have
dumped you years ago.

You dump me?

She didn't mean that.

The hell I didn't.

From now on, this girl's
going solo.

Solo? You're a team.

Two voices, one heart.

You wouldn't
last two weeks
without me.

Oh, that's right--
all I can do is write, sing,
and play beautiful songs.

Who's going to drain
the liquor cabinet

and bang the roadies?

That's it!

Hey! Ladies, ladies!

Ladies, remember...

remember the music!

This is your co-captain,
Brian Hackett, speaking.

We're now beginning
our approach into New York,

marking the first leg

of The Todds'
Love Heals All tour.

So please fasten
your seat belts

as we may be experiencing
some turbulence.

Joe...

when you squeeze this

do you feel yourself
getting kind of turned on?

No.

Yeah. Me, neither.

How's your neck?

I'll let you know
when I get some movement back.

Oh, by the way,
thanks for all your help.

Hey, you know, I wasn't worried.

Even when Tammy was continually

piledriving your head
into the carpet,

I knew you had
the situation well in hand.

Yeah, I did, too.

I'll tell you one thing,
Butterflies and Angels
has a whole new meaning.

It's the last thing I
saw before she punched
my lights out.

Listen, you swear
something to me.

You swear you will
never tell anyone

I was knocked out by a girl.

You got it.

Oh, Joe, you okay?

I heard you got bounced
around the cabin by a Todd.

Well, look on
the bright side.

At least we have
a funny story

to tell our grandchildren.

Yeah, assuming
I can still have them.

She landed
a few kicks too.

Now the tour's off.

Now what do we do?

I don't know.

I'm sure
our fearless leader Cord

will have another
"really big idea."

Um... yeah, about that...

you might want
to grab your googie.

Why?

Because when he found out
what happened, he split.

And Fay called the hotel,
and he's checked out.

What are you saying?

Cord is gone?

Are you sure?

So, how are my two
favorite pilots?

Oh, well...

look what the wind
blew back in.

I can't believe
you have the nerve

to show both your
faces back here.

( forced laughter )

Oh, Joe, I'm so glad to see

you haven't lost
that delightful
sense of humor.

Look, Fay, if you
think you're going

to get back in
our good graces...

Joe, Joe...

don't blame her.

She's only doing what any
threatened creature would do--

trying to survive.

Yes, porcupines
sh**t their quills

a skunk emits a big stink

and Fay... Fay just sucks up
like an industrial Hoover.

( forced laughter )

Delightful, both of you.

I hate to say this,
but the only thing worse

than Cord being here
is Cord not being here.

If his father finds out
that he's gone,

he's going to shut us down
permanently.

Well, luckily, we don't
have to worry about that

'cause he's in Singapore.

Oh, no, he isn't.

( knocking )

Mr. Clayton,
what are you doing here?

I just came by

to check on my investment
and see my son.

How's he doing?

Well, that son of yours,
he's something.

He's...

He's a mover and a shaker.

He's a doer
and a thinker.

He's a butcher
and a baker.

Where is he?

He's... a-hustlin'
and a-bustlin'.

He's a-wheelin'
and a-dealin'.

He's a-butchin'
and a-bakin'.

All right, let's cut
the runaround

and tell me
where my son is, okay?

Joe, could you
come out here, please?

Fay, we're in the middle
of something here.

Uh, Joe...

Fay, we have an emergency.

Why did you
pull me out of there?

Hey, where do you
think you're going?

Um... just out
for a little walk.

New York with a connecting
flight to London?

Look, I gave running
this airline a sh*t.

Okay, it didn't work out.

So, no harm, no foul.

Hold it, hold it.
That's not the way it works.

Oh, sure it is.

Just ask my father,
he'll tell you.

"Cord never finishes anything.

Cord is just a huge screw-up."

Listen to me, Cord.

You know as well as I do
that if you leave

your father is gonna
shut us down.

Well, sorry,
that's not my problem.

Yeah, yeah,
it is your problem.

This is not just about you.

It affects other
people's lives,
too, you know--

like me, my brother,
that suck-up Fay.

Hey, hey, you say
what you want about me

but you lay off
that fine and good woman.

All right, Cord, listen.

I know that...

I had some problems
with you being here, okay?

But I want
to tell you something.

You did a really good job.

I did?

Yeah.

Yeah, that tour thing
was a great idea.

It didn't work out.

That wasn't your fault

but you'll have
other good ideas.

Your father is wrong
about you

and now is your chance
to prove it.

Now come on, he's in
the office right now.

My dad's here?

Yes.

So you can either
stay here and face this

or you can run away

like you've done
your whole life.

You're right.

Good.

So... ready?

Yeah.

See you.