08x10 - Wingless: Part 3

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Wings". Aired: April 19, 1990, to May 21, 1997.*
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Two brothers, Joe and Brian Hackett, run a one-plane commuter service from a small Nantucket airport.
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08x10 - Wingless: Part 3

Post by bunniefuu »

Previously on Wings:

If we could just find a way

to pump a little cash
into the airline

to get us on our feet again.

Right. We need a cash pumper.

Maybe I could find
a financial broker--

you know, a guy who
could hook us up

with some investors.

Right. We need a hooker.

Gentlemen,
let's cut through the guano.

We all know the reason I'm here

is because you guys
are in the dumper.

So, just, um, how much
were you thinking of investing?

Gentlemen, I don't invest
in companies, I buy them.

Well, looks
like Clayton

just bought himself
an airline.

Joe and Brian Hackett,

this is my son, Cord.

He's just out of school.

Hi. How you doing?

Cord's going to be
running Sandpiper.

He's your new boss.

Helen, would you believe this?
I'm going to k*ll that Cord.

He's been here one day;
he's running the business.

All rise
for the president of Sandpiper.

CORD: Are you
ready for this?

Okay, the Todds are going
on a three-month tour,

and we are going
to fly them.

Just trust me.

We are going to make more
money in three months

than you guys made
all last year.

Now the tour's off.

Now what do we do?
Oh, I don't know.

Well, I hate to say this,
but the only thing worse
than Cord being here

is Cord not being here.

If his father finds out
that he's gone,

he's going to shut us
down permanently.

Well, luckily we don't
have to worry about that

because he's in Singapore.

Oh, no, he isn't.

(knocking)

Mr. Clayton,
what are you doing here?

I just came by
to check on my investments

and see my son.

Hey, where do you
think you're going?

Look, I gave running
this airline a sh*t, okay?

It didn't work out,
so no harm, no foul.

Hold it, hold it.
That's not the way it works.

Oh, sure it is. Just ask
my father, he'll tell you.

"Cord never finishes
anything.

Cord is just a
huge screw-up."

Now, you listen
to me, Cord.

You know as well as I
do that if you leave,

your father's going
to shut us down.

Yeah. Well, sorry,
that's not my problem.

Where's Cord--

our brilliant,
talented president?

He's gone. He bailed on us.

Oh, figures. I never trusted
the shifty-eyed little wiener.

Really? Well, just last week,

you were giving that
little wiener an herbal wrap.

What am I going
to tell Clayton?

I just hope
that Brian and Helen

haven't let on
that Cord is missing.

Oh, no, no, don't worry.
They know how to stall.

I mean, they're
not idiots.

Sandpiper!
Sandpiper!

BOTH:
Go, Sandpiper!

Oh, good, Joe,
you're finally here!

We were just
showing Mr. Clayton

the official
Sandpiper cheer.

Enough of that.

Where's my son?

Uh, he-he's gone.

Gone?

Uh, not, not gone gone,

but gone on a
business trip.

Oh. Okay, then.

Business trip?
He didn't say anything
about a business trip.

Where'd he go?

New York.

Fine. Just tell him...

What kind of business

does he have in New York?

Private business.

Sandpiper business.

None of your business.

Excuse me,
Mr. Clayton, if
we're going to make

that meeting
in Chicago, sir,
we'd better be going.

Right. Ted's in charge
of acquisitions.

As a matter of fact,
he's the one

that brought Sandpiper
to my attention.

We'd better get
going, sir.

Right. Just make sure
Cord's on time

for that Friday
board meeting.

Uh, board meeting?

Yeah, it's the quarterly
progress report.

All divisions of
Clayton Industries

are required to
give a presentation.

Well, he, um,
might not be back

from his business trip
on time.

Well, he'd better be

or he won't have a business
to come back to.

Oh, my God, what
are we going to do?!

That's no problem.
We'll just leave a message

for Cord at his hotel.

Where's he staying,
the Plaza?

Oh, I love the Plaza.
Oh...

Listen!

There is no hotel.

There is no business trip.

Cord is in New York
so he can get a plane to London.

He couldn't handle the pressure,
so he split.

Uh-huh.

Well, then,
that's it, huh?

It's over. We're dead.

Yup. That's pretty much
the bottom line.

I can't believe

you two.

You can't just lay
down and take it.

You just give up?

I mean, there are plenty
of things you can do.

Like what?

Well, you know, like...

you can, you can,
you can not lay down.

And, and, and,
and you can not take it.

And, and,
and stuff like that there.

You know, Helen's right.

Really?
I wasn't just babbling?

Oh, like the village idiot
on a sunny day.

But you're right.

We just can't give up.

I'm open to suggestions.

Okay, Cord is on
Roy's New York flight.

Go ask Roy to turn
the flight around.

Me suck up to Roy for a favor?

Yeah, right.

Oh, Roy, you got
a teeny-tiny minute?

Oh, not now,
Hackett, I'm busy.

The competing airline
just went under,

and I'm drowning
in business.

Oh, right, that was you.

Listen, listen, Roy, uh,
you remember that guy Cord?

Well, it seems he's on one
of your planes to-to New York,

and I really need you to turn it
around and get him back here.

It's kind of an emergency.

Oh. Well, let me
think about it. No.

Hey, listen, Roy, I want...

Uh, Joe, Joe.

You get more flies
with honey.

Um, Roy...

it would really mean
a lot to us

if you would
call that plane back.

Oh... I didn't realize
it was that important.

No.

Look, funny boy,

get that plane
back here now!

Helen, Helen, please,
please, let me try.

Roy...
No.

Well, I tried.

I'm spent. What
can we do now?

All right, I'll tell you
what we're going to do.

We are going to go to New York
and we are going to stop Cord

before he gets on
that plane to London.

There you go.

Good plan, Joe.

We are so screwed!

(sighs)
I don't believe this.

Cord is not anywhere
in this terminal.

Well, there's still
one place we haven't looked.

Cord?
Hey!

Oh, sorry.

Cord!
Hey!

Oh, sorry.

Hey, uh, nice shoes.

Where'd you get them?

What are you,
some kind of sicko?

Bloomies.
On sale.

Really? Hey, uh,
are they comfortable

or just great looking?

Would you stop
with the shoes?

We got to find Cord.

Oh, Joe, there you are.

Helen, you ca... you
can't come in here.

This is a men's room.

So? I've been in
a men's room before.

When?
Plenty of times.

Look, we got to find Cord.

Did you look
under here?
We looked, we looked.

Listen, listen, it's obvious
that he's not in here,

so we might as well
go check the gate again.

Oh, my God.
Cord.

Wh-What are you
doing here?

What is she doing here?

You guys are really
hung up about this.

What are you,
Quakers?

Listen, Cord, please,
we are desperate.

Your father wants you at
a board meeting on Friday.

You've got to
make a presentation.

What? No way.

Look, I told you before

I'm not coming back.

Listen, we don't want you
to run the place.

We just need you
to show up Friday

and buy us some time.

Could we just discuss
this in one minute?

Oh, sure.
Thank you.

Take your time, buddy.

Hey... listen, what if
we can't talk him into coming

to the board meeting
on Friday?

You know what, I don't think
we have to worry about that.

I think we're finally
getting to him.

Now, deep down,
this is a good kid.

He wants to do
the right thing.

He just needs
to be convinced.

Let's keep
talking to him.
All right.

Look, I know
you're frightened...

and you're confused,
but remember,

you're not just doing this
for yourself.

You're doing this for all of us.
BRIAN: Right.

If it'll make it any easier,
you won't be doing it alone.

We'll be there with you,

holding your hand
through the whole thing.

Um, honey, listen, I know
you're not going to believe me,

but I have been
in this exact position before...

and what has helped me
is very careful planning

and, and index cards...

but the most
important thing is

have fun with it.

Okay, I've been thinking

and you know what?

I'm going
to help you guys out.

(toilet flushing)

Hi, Casey.

Hi.

What are you doing?

Well, with Sandpiper
in trouble, you know,

I was trying to figure
out a way to cut corners.

By clipping coupons?

(laughing)

Amateurs.

What, what do you mean?

To use coupons,

you've still got
to spend money.

Now, what you need

is a class
at the Scarpacci
School of Economics.

Our motto is,
"Hey, why pay?"

Oh, right.

You mean like walk
instead of taking the bus?

No, no, you take the bus.

You just don't ride
on the inside.

Okay, so, you know, I'm riding
around town on a tailpipe...

How do I eat?

It's on the house, baby.

Weddings, proms...

Do you know how many
little knishes you can eat

before they find out

you're not part
of the Finkelman
Bar Mitzvah?

Hey, that's good.
I'm going to write
that one down.

You got a pen?

Compliments of the
First National Bank.

Hey, Cord.

How's your
presentation coming?

I'm still working
on the opening statement.

Oh, come on.
Let's, uh, let's hear
what you've got so far.

(clearing throat)

"Ladies and gentlemen
of the board,

"I can honestly report to you
this morning

"that Sandpiper Airlines
has lost more money in less time

than any other subsidiary
of Clayton Industries."

Well, I don't know.

What do we think
of that last line?

It's a start.

Would you mind if I just make
one little adjustment?

I know. I know. I know.
It's no good.

But what am I supposed to say?
It's the truth.

Listen, listen,
you start with the truth,

and you put
a positive spin on it.

How? In the last
two weeks,

we lost 30,000 bucks
leasing a stupid
luxury jet.

No.

"In the last two weeks,

"we've made a generous
capital expenditure

in the pursuit of an
aggressive expansion program."

CORD:
Wow.

Now, where was I
when that happened?

You were blowing
30,000 bucks

on a stupid luxury jet.

Okay, but how do we
spin the fact

that we're completely shut down,

and our competition has
taken over all our business?

It's simple.

"We're preparing to regroup

"in order that
we might better compete

in today's
ever changing marketplace."

Wow. What
a giant pant-load.

Thank you, Brian.

Oh, uh, got a minute?

Sure, Fay. Come on in.

I know this may not be the
best time to bring this up,

but my paycheck bounced.

Oh, so, well, Fay...

Oh, may I?

Fay, certain
financial instruments

have been reallocated
to assist Sandpiper

in the midst
of its corporate restructuring.

Nonetheless,
we remain committed

to maintaining our
fiduciary responsibilities

to our employees.

Oh.

I-I see.

Now, listen, you
little peckerwood!

That kind of bull doesn't
cut any ice with me.

Now, you get me my money,
in cash, by 5:00.

Got it?

Yes, ma'am.

That's more like it.

Oh, uh, uh, by the by,

best of luck
at tomorrow's meeting.

Well, I can see why
you'd be nervous.

This, uh, this is one
intimidating place.

Who's the party animal?

Uh, he was my father's mentor.

Yeah, he learned everything
he knew from that man.

Then he fired him.

Then he made him sit
for that portrait.

Look, uh, Helen, I'm sorry
you had to come all this way,

and you can't even
be in the meeting.

Oh, no, I understand.

I mean, this is important
to all of us.

I couldn't exactly
hang out at my lunch counter

and wait
for the phone to ring.

What are you going to do?

There's a lunch counter
downstairs.

Phone me when
you have some news.

Cord, what are you doing?

Oh, change of plans.

Okay, I was up all night,

you know, pacing,
drinking coffee,

eating doughnuts
and junk food and stuff.

You get a lot of ideas
at 3:00 a.m.

And you know what?
They're all good.

Anyway, I just came up
with this whole 'nother way

to go for my presentation.

Wait, hold, hold on
a minute. Wait.

What "whole 'nother way"?

Cord.

Dad.

TED:
Ladies and gentlemen,

if you'd please
take your seats.

Uh, I don't like this, Joey.

I'm starting to get nervous.

Just relax.
He's only owned the
company for two weeks.

What can he possibly
expect from us?

Okay, today we will start
with Mike Edwards,

the head of our
electronics division.

Well, you know
we were up against
some obstacles

this quarter, what
with labor disputes,
the import embargo

and the earthquake that
destroyed our plant

in the Far East,

but we were still able
to return a nine-percent profit.

Nine percent.

What was projected?

Uh, twelve-and-a-half percent.

Oh, God, here it comes.

Here what comes?

The big ugly.

So, you're saying you're
three-and-a-half percent

short of your goal,

and this is supposed
to please me?

Well, the earthquake,
the embargo...

Shut up, you pathetic old,
burnt-out shell.

You're paid for results,
not excuses.

Get out of my sight.

I'm ashamed
to call you my uncle.

Wow. That was
a pretty big ugly.

So, Ted, what's next?

Uh, that would
be Sandpiper.

Cord.

Yeah! Yeah!

All right!

Lights, please.

Anytime, Cord.

La-Ladies...

CLAYTON:
Cord!

I'm sorry.

I can't do this.

TED:
I'm sorry, Mr. Clayton,

Cord seems to have
left the building.

Well, gentlemen,

it looks like you'll be giving
the Sandpiper presentation

in Cord's absence.

I smell a big ugly.

Lights.

Ah.

Sandpiper...

yes, Sandpiper.

Gimme an "S"!

Gimme an "A"!

Gimme the next slide.

Hey, it's the airport.

The airport.

It's nice there.

Yes, nice.

Very nice.

Clean.

It's Fay.

This is Fay.

Fay, our reservations agent.

She's very nice.

And clean.

Uh... uh, this is the president
and C.E.O. Of Sandpiper Air,

a man who will lead us
into the 21st century.

These are the nostrils
of the man

who's going to lead us
into the 21st century.

Uh...

uh...

just like these cupcakes,

we hope that Sandpiper air

will be... your hostess
in the sky.

This pie chart...

...clearly indicates
Sandpiper's on the way up.

Well, that's just
self-explanatory.

Boy, I dread
going back in there.

That presentation may be
the biggest ugly I've ever seen.

Maybe.

Maybe not.

What do you mean?

Well...

it could be
that somebody recommended

that Mr. Clayton put
his idiot son in charge

so we could get
that huge tax write-off

we need
for the fourth quarter.

You mean, Sandpiper
was never supposed
to make money?

Oh, please, with that
boob Cord in control?

Oh-ho, man, are you
going to be a hero.

Gee...
you think?

And we're bending
over backwards

to meet all your
transportation needs.

(strained):
Lights.

Well, after that,

I think we've all earned
a five-minute break.

Good to be on board.

BRIAN:
Good to be on the team.

See you
at the company picnic.

Well, look who's here.

Sorry.

But I told you
I couldn't handle this.

Good.
I'm glad you're back.

CLAYTON: You should
hear this ,too.

TED:
Excuse me, sir,

if I might interrupt.

Now, Sandpiper
is obviously unsalvageable.

However, I just
had a thought.

We've been looking
for a tax write-off
for the fourth quarter,

and, well,
perhaps we've found it.

Wait a minute.

He didn't just think of this.

He planned it.

He tried to convince
you to hire Cord

'cause he was
sure he'd fail.

You're crazy.

I am not crazy.

Where did you get
this information?

In the men's room.

BRIAN:
Wait a second.

You're telling me
that all this time

we were set up
to fail?

No, you weren't.

I was.

Is this true?

You had me put
my son at Sandpiper

because you knew
he'd screw up?
Yes.

No, sir, I was
merely reassigning
our personnel resources

to maximize
the workforce.

Pant-load.
Pant-load.

You used my son?!

Go wait
in my office!

N-N-No, but...

Now!

But...

(shouting):
Now!

Ooh...

Private big ugly.

That's got to hurt.

Son, I'm sorry,

but you know I would
never set you up to fail.

What can I do
to make it up to you?

Well...

you know that hotel
you own on St. Thomas?

Yes. You want to run that?

Run it?

No way.

I just want to
hang out by the pool

and live off
my trust fund.

Well, I always say,
"Go with your strengths."

(chuckles)
You've got it.

W-Wait a minute.

What about Sandpiper?

Well, as a matter of fact,

I think it would be
a pretty good write-off.

Excuse me, Mr. Clayton,

we don't want to just
be a tax write-off.

Well, what do you want?

Uh, trust fund,
trust fund.

We want the deal
that we thought we had
from the beginning--

a silent investor.

Now, look, Mr. Clayton,
we're a small airline.

We will always be
a small airline,

but with your help,

we can be
a profitable one.

Yeah, come on, Dad,
you can do that.

Ah, what the hell.

Done.

Come on, son,

I think it's time we spent
some quality time together.

You can watch me give Ted
the big ugly.

Cool.

Um, I'll be right there.

So, it was fun
running your company...

into the ground.

Ah, you didn't run
it into the ground.

You merely temporarily

reallocated our resources
into a negative mode.

Thanks.

Thank you.

Bye.

Bye.

Wow.

We have, we have
an airline again.

Congratulations,
Joe.

Hey, you know what?
I think we should all
go celebrate, huh?

Yeah, let's do
that. Let's go.

Oh, but give me a minute,

'cause I got to go
hit the men's room.
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